Ride or Die: A Feminist Manifesto for the Well-Being of Black Women

by Shanita Hubbard

Cultural criticism and pop culture history intertwine in this important book, which dissects how hip hop has sidelined Black women's identity and emotional well-being.

A “ride-or-die chick” is a woman who holds down her family and community. She’s your girl that you can call up in the middle of the night to bail you out of jail, and you know she’ll show up and won’t ask any questions. Her ride-or-die trope becomes a problem when she does it indiscriminately. She does anything for her family, friends, and significant other, even at the cost of her own well-being. “No” is not in her vocabulary. Her self-worth is connected to how much labor she can provide for others. She goes above and beyond for everyone in every aspect of her life—work, family, church, even if it’s not reciprocated, and doesn’t require it to be because she’s a “strong Black woman” and everyone’s favorite ride-or-die chick. To her, love should be earned, and there’s no limit to what she’ll do for it.
 
In this book, author, adjunct professor of sociology, and former therapist Shanita Hubbard disrupts the ride-or-die complex and argues that this way of life has left Black women exhausted, overworked, overlooked, and feeling depleted. She suggests that Black women are susceptible to this mentality because it’s normalized in our culture. It rings loud in your favorite hip-hop songs, and it even shows up in the most important relationship you will ever have—the one with yourself.
 
Compassionate, candid, hard-hitting, and  100 percent unapologetic, Ride or Die melds Hubbard’s entertaining conversations with her Black girlfriends and her personal experiences as a redeemed ride-or-die chick and a former “captain of the build-a-brother team” to fervently dismantle cultural norms that require Black women to take care of everyone but themselves.
 
Ride or Die urges you to expel the myth that your self-worth is connected to how much labor you provide others and guides you toward healing. Using hip hop as a backdrop to explore norms that are harmful to Black women, Hubbard shows the ways you may be unknowingly perpetuating this harm within your relationships. This book is an urgent call for you to pull the plug on the ride-or-die chick.
 

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Audiobook, Race, Womens, Sociology, Own

193 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 8, 2022

Reviews

[Tria · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Church Girl by Beyonce had a companion novel, it would be this book. Hubbard delves into the origins and definition of “ride or die” and how it transcended hip-hop in the black community. She critically analyzes how the black cishet men’s perspective in hip-hop has often ignored black women, black queer, and nonbinary folks.

Hubbard masterfully “calls-in” as we are not beyond reproach and criticism from marginalized groups that have been harmed. I really connected to her personal stories and examples throughout the book. She also examines the black church, misogyny in hip-hop, black motherhood, sexual freedom, and more.

I will immediately purchase this book once released. Thank you to the author and NetGalley for the ebook copy.

[Tya C. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Shanita Hubbard uses this book to explain how the concept of being a Ride or Die is harmful to Black women. The book breaks down the many ways that being a Ride or Die causes pain and suffering for Black women and provides ways in which Black women, and the Black community as a whole, can better protect and appreciate Black women.

This was a great read for Black women. The author tackled so many important topics such as: medical racism, homophobia, police violence against Black women, and the responsibility of Black men to do better by us. I feel like a lot of BLACK MEN need to read this book! Black women too obviously because the book was written for us, but it would be especially insightful for Black men who want to do better by Black women. With an easy flow to the writing, this book touched on a myriad of topics that need to be talked more openly about in our community.

I really enjoyed this book and can’t wait to recommend it to other people within our community. Black women are the most disrespected group in the world and anyone who wants to see our point of view and do better by us should read this book!

Thank you Grand Central Publishing and NetGalley for this arc. All opinions are my own.

[Camille · Rating 2 out of 5]

I bought this as a Christmas gift for someone and wound up reading for myself. Hubbard's intent to discuss Black womanhood through the lens of hip-hop is fascinating but this short read fails to dig through the surface. I think hip-hop has a massive influence on modern black American culture, and I wish Hubbard expounded beyond Twitter talking points. Most of her chapters were too conclusive; perhaps this serves as a launching pad for meatier texts by more researched theorists.

[Alicia J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was very good. It definitely debunked the whole phrase of “ride or die” and showed what it looked like. I definitely saw me/my friends/women that I know in some of the situations that was presented. It makes you think why do we as Black women hold that title/phrase as one of endearment, ESPECIALLY if it’s not reciprocated by our male counterparts?

[(Adri)ana | TenPieceLemonPepper · Rating 5 out of 5]

i just need all Black women to add this book to your TBR. like immediately.

[Alpha Centauri · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been BEGGING my black girlfriends to read this book. My friends and I have been having these types of discussions for years without the right tools to understand all that we were unpacking. This made so much so clear, inspires me to take better care of myself, and called on me to be a better person. I don't often feel called to action but things highlighted here are a MUST. Thank you! I'll have to re-read this often. It's definitely a very useful resource.

[Justin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an excellent read! Definitely felt like a companion piece to Bad Fat Black Girl by Sesali Bowen, a book I read last year and absolutely loved (it was in my top 10 for the year). In similar ways, both books expound on feminism from a black woman lens specifically told through personal stories and hip hop music, though this one feels slightly more academic. I recommend both, ASAP.

[Elise Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a fan of this book at all. Bought it for book club. She basically goes on for 6 chapters on some stereotypical ideal/concept within the black community that is represented through hip-hop that needs to be corrected & how black women are the back bone to the black community. Also mentions how we black women tend to carry the load in the black community (Ride or Die), which also needs to be corrected, but then writes this as a “call to arms” on how we need to be the ones to correct these ideals. This story goes on using her own anecdotes to portray how these are represented in every day interactions. She misses the mark for me. Thankfully it’s only 174 pages, or I wouldn’t have finished this book.

[Riley K. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book that everyone should read. Hubbard's flow throughout the book is well organized, well structured, and very informative. I

[Stephanie A-M · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a solo read (as are most of my books) but I really wish I had read this with a group because the subject matter begs for hours long discussions (and some digging through the proverbial crates) about who we are, how we got here and how can begin to work toward a different, more whole version of ourselves of Black women.

Using hip-hop as the canvas Shanita Hubbard paints the picture of the Ride or Die Chick, her origins and why the persona has outlived its usefulness. Through personal anecdotes, song lyrics and research data Hubbard details why it is an absolute necessity for us to release ourselves from the notion that our self worth is somehow intricately connected to how much labor (emotional and physical) we can provide for others.

[chasc.taylor_reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good introduction into burdens black women carry when attempting to live up to the “ride or die” chick that is perpetuated in culture and hip hop. I’d recommend this to others as a starting point, but I personally would enjoy something with more depth. I did like this authors insertions of personal experiences and how she grew over time.

[Mikia | SeeWhatKeeReads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unfortunately, I think many black women can find themselves somewhere in this book. I found myself shaking my head and kicking myself for the way I've so easily gave my real love away. Anyway! I think this is a great analysis of the expectations placed on women from all around us, and within our own culture.

[Rib · Rating 5 out of 5]

had the privilege of finding this at the bookstore i worked at this semester, i read the first half in a couple hours the day i picked it up because the writing reads like butter, i want to read everything shanita has to say, this is a crucial read for everyone!!

[Tamela Gordon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is candid in its storytelling and accurate in how it captures Black women's experience. It’s well-cited without being too heavy, intimate without exploiting our collective experience, and bold in it's calling out of everyone and every space that doesn’t honor our vulnerability and humanity.

“Corner” was an essay that cut deep, examining our experiences with street harassment and adultification.

The concept of the "Ride or Die" companion romanticizes selfless - often ill-advised loyalty. There's nothing romantic about unconditional dedication and servitude. And the ideology haunts Black women's well-being, finding its way into the workplace, places of worship, and our households. Hubbard illuminates how ride-or-die mentality appears in our lives and relationships and how we can dismantle the racial trope and divest from it.

Hubbard may be a professor, but she delivers truth like a true round the way girl, making “Ride or Die” as accessible to scholars as it is to the target audience, us. Have a highlighter and box of tissues on deck because parts demand meditation and pull at the heartstrings. Easily one of my new favorite Black feminist theory books.

[Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this book in a few hours. I planned to read a chapter or two before bed and...just like that it was done! This book starts with discussing how much she loves and trusts that Blackwomen got her back and I am so glad that somebody finally said it. Being a ride-or-die chick, as a Blackwoman, is just an evolved Superwoman trope. Using personal circumstances to explore the messaging that Blackwomen internalize through hip-hop, and other predominately Black entities, that encourage us to set aside our personal needs to support Black men mostly to our detriment. A friend told me, patriarchy serves no one. Nevertheless, this book certainly gives an on-the-ground example of who sees some gains from patriarchy's indoctrination. Blackwomen hold themselves accountable to being ride-or-die women in relationships because we believe we owe Black men. This text is a shoe-fits-wear-it read, and the shoes fit these feet.

Also, this book highlighted the way I engage with my Queer friends and made me realize how I need to do and be better.

[Deborah Bluminberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am definitely not the target audience for this book, but I have definitely been a ride or die woman for my people for many, many years, and like the author, I was proud of that. The alternative viewpoints in this book are interesting and thought provoking. I am recommending this book to my niece for the interesting ideas of calling in and calling out.

[Kailah Lathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very interesting quick read that read like a memoir with research included. I valued the author’s experiences throughout that really gave a good picture on all the topics she discussed. Her writing had good flow and I loved the nods to hip-hop throughout. It was a very refreshing, modern take on feminism that I gained a lot from. After finishing this novel I definitely recognize areas in my life I can afford to make changes to as well as vice versa.
I can honestly say I’m really glad I read this and I would definitely recommend it to others.

[Kerri Moss · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love how Hubbard tied in rap lyrics which defined the persona of the typical “ride of die chick” that Black men look for in women. This book taught me that it was okay to go against what others may define as normal. I think every woman of color should read this book as a part of self-care and self-awareness.

[Maurissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve always seen “ride or die” as a positive, but I now see this as a case of cultural appropriation obscuring the concept’s true origins. Thought provoking read. 4 stars

[LaQuetta Glaze · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ride or Die: A Feminist Manifesto for the Well-Being of Black Women by Shanita Hubbard.

The false narrative that a black women should “ride or die” is hindering our health and ultimately our progress as a people. A ride or die women does any and every thing for everyone at the cost of her own well being.

The word “No” is not even a thought in the mind of a ride or die. The ride or die mindset ties self-worth labor and is contrary to our softness and rest. This book has THE real conversation about this situation and reminds us that we do not have to earn love, we are deserving of love, and we have to impose limits because others will NOT.

The author is a former therapist and exerts that this way of life has left Black women exhausted, overworked, overlooked, and feeling depleted. She is correct. She suggests that Black women are susceptible to this mentality because it’s normalized in our culture. She is correct. And this quote from the description is super loud: “It rings loud in your favorite hip-hop songs, and it even shows up in the most important relationship you will ever have — the one with yourself.” Somebody say amen and repeat the word “no” after me. To quote a loved one who’s been making strides and changes: “The time for me to adult for others has come to an end.” -Sabrina Price

I read this book on Audible. Everyone is different, but the cadence or pitch of the voice actor was not it for me. However, I will likely add the book to my collection. Highly recommend.

[Lit_Vibrations · Rating 4 out of 5]

Special thanks to the author, grandcentralpub & netgalley for my advanced copy.

This was a pretty quick read. The author dives deep into how the “ride or die chick” analogy continues to negatively impact black women. Addressing how it’s so widely accepted because society has normalized this mentality. She uses various concepts from her personal life, church, community and the hip-hop culture to analyze how it all plays a role in the lives of black women. We’re always forced to do and take care of others before ourselves.

I feel this was a ploy to help us realize how much being a ride or die has placed pressure and stress on black women to remain loyal in situations that do not benefit us. We’ve been required to uphold this standard no matter the cost. I did like that she used hip-hop culture as the forefront to show how this narrative is continuously praised. We don’t realize how much music really impacts society.

Women have been faced with this same narrative generation after generation to the point it’s been instilled in us to always do the impossible. We take on the ride or die role autonomously because we’ve seen so many women before us do it. We have to always be this superwoman at work, with family, friends, and in our community too.

The author does well intertwining her own personal experiences into the book. I was able to connect with a few of the situations. She discussed a lot of heavy topics and things we experience as young black girls that nobody talks about.

I feel this was more informative than entertaining but still worth recommending!!!!!

[Shameka Erby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was so fortunate to be able to read an ARC copy of this wonderful book. Shanita takes us on a journey through what it means to be a woman loving a culture that doesn't always love us back. As she gives us pieces of herself, and weaves in the women around her, she represents all of us, pushing through this wilderness of what it means to support and protect ourselves in a world where we're often given the responsibility of protecting everyone.

Ride or Die is a gem among us, bringing comradery and sisterhood into the need for us to sometimes check ourselves and each other. It holds space for correction and space for love. It gives us a glimpse into what it's going to take for us to get free... all of us.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book, author Hubbard explores that ethos around the concept of a "ride or die" woman and how it negatively impacts Black women through extended mental effort, the myth of the Black superwoman, and many more ways detailed throughout. The text reads as part memoir, part nonfiction essay and I personally liked the flow. I thought the chapters were well organized and her analysis of her personal experience and outside documentation got her ideas across very effectively. I love a good memoir and this one did not disappoint. I'd absolutely recommend this book!

Thank you to Netgalley for an ARC.

[Valencia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book. It gave an air of Mikki Kendal and Brittany Cooper in half the audio time. She was straight to the point without being dull. I really could identify with so much she talked about in ways I originally never expected. Very good book. Definitely a black girl book club read.

[Plus Size Bibliophile · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

I wanted to love this book. Literally every hip hop, hood feminist book I've read to date has been on point.

But this chick wasn't for me. Don't get me wrong, she made a lot of good points. But she was also doing the most.

She really focused on black women being the saviors of black men.

She used a lot of hip hop references claiming that rappers like Jay Z, Common, and Nas need to step it up and include the struggles of black women in their versus. She states that NO rapper has EVER shed light on the struggles of black women who live on the block and are harassed by men. Specifically young black girls who are over sexualized and preyed upon.

Ummm... Brenda's Got a Baby dropped in 1991. Runaway Love by Luda dropped in 2006, and How to Love dropped in 2011.

This woman acted like she never heard them as she continued to go in on Common. You would have thought he was an ex the way she focused on his shortcomings to assist black woman find a voice.
She shares that she sees herself as a ride or die chick, but her examples show her as a woman who allowed herself to be used. She was paying for her ex's baby mama's light bill while he was in prison... okay cook if he was her husband and they were co-parenting I could see that. But no, she was just giving some woman she didn't know money because she felt obligated as his woman. Never even met the kid before he went away... Plus neither HE or the MOM asked her for money. She just heard she needed it, so she offered then complained about it after the fact. (Not Very Mindful)

She also talked about calling a male friend and crying because despite knowing he was a man whore who disrespected women, she thought she could help him. Only to realize her offer to help meant putting him on her bank account. Thankfully she declined but still. Why was the call even made. What result did she think she would get?? (Not Very Demure)

Lauryn Hill is discussed a lot as an influence in her life. I LOVE Lauryn and mirrored the same feelings in regard to her laying out truth to women about soo many things. BUT the author literally tried to embody Lauryn and Erykah Badu's afro-centric bohemian look.

She embraced her natural hair (love it) and started carrying herself more "modestly" and set boundaries with men (not emotionally she just waited to fk). Okay I wasn't mad at her for this.
But then when she goes on and on about how she pittied women who wore weave, short skirts, and fked on the fist date I was over it. Now she does acknowledge she was wrong for it. But she was hyper focused on her bad behavior and that of her friends. How they made fun of other women and decided those women had no self-respect. How they were doing black womanhood right.

I was soo annoyed that I didn't give af about her epiphany later on. ALL Women deserve respect, ALL Woman are beautiful in their skin. And an us vs them mentality and RESPECTABILITY politics/feminism is harmful and selective.

Plus, even after her acknowledgement that thinking that way was bad. She never apologizes for it. Instead, she highlights Cardi B (Whom I LOVE) and says look at this ex-stripper turned reality star, turned rapper. Look at how she celebrates her body and raps about her orgasms. She's a wife (not for long) and mother and has "achieved" what modest women hasn't.
I get what she was trying to do but "achieve" is just crazy to me. WHY is marriage a goal or an achievement?

I did appreciate her dissection of the Lost Black Girl narrative. Her discussions on church and homosexuality, and how we as a community need to stand up for our queer peers, she had a lot of good things to say. She just had soo much personal shit that turned me off. Also, she states at the beginning how black woman always show up for one another but other than referring to her ability to call her mom and aunts she does not go into detail. Which was a bit disappointing.
I could go into detail about all the women, specifically black women in my community that are always willing and able to help or lead.

As I said the author made some good points, but she isn't someone I would recommend or read again. Reading is subjective check it out and make your own decision.

[AMAO · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ride or Die: A Feminist Manifesto for the Well-Being of Black Women
by Shanita Hubbard
Published November 8, 2022

<3 THIS IS A #MUSTLISTEN. REAL, RAW AND RELEVANT. I was ready to relisten when it was over. This was a Feminist Manifesto Indeed.

Do you have a "ride or die chick" in your life? A "ride or die chick" is a Black woman who holds down her family and community. She's that friend or family member that you can call up in the middle of the night to bail you out of jail, if ever needed, and you know she'll show up and won't ask any questions. She does anything for her family, friends, and significant other, even at the cost of her own well-being. "No" is not in her vocabulary. She's beloved by you and many others, but her ride or die trope becomes a problem when she does it indiscriminately. Her self-worth is connected to how much labor she can provide for others. She goes above and beyond for everyone in every aspect of her life—work, family, church, and often it's not reciprocated, and a "ride or die chick" doesn't require it to be because she's a "strong Black woman." To her, love should be earned, and there's no limit to what she'll do for it.

In this book, author, adjunct professor of sociology, and former therapist, Shanita Hubbard disrupts the "ride or die" complex, and argues that this way of life has left Black women exhausted, overworked, overlooked, and feeling depleted. She suggests that Black women are to susceptible this mentality because it's normalized in our culture. It rings loud in our favorite hip-hop songs, and it even shows up in the most important relationship we will ever have—the one with yourself.

Compassionate, candid, hard-hitting, and 100% unapologetic, Ride-or-Die melds Hubbard's entertaining conversations with her Black girlfriends and her personal experiences as a redeemed "ride-or-die chick" and a former "captain of the build-a-brother team" to fervently dismantle cultural norms that require Black women to take care of everyone but themselves.

Ride or Die urges you to expel the myth that your self-worth is connected to how much labor you provide others, and guides you toward healing. Using hip hop as a backdrop to explore norms that are harmful to Black women, Hubbard shows the way you may be unknowingly perpetuating this harm within your relationships. Hubbard urges you to pull the plug on the "ride or die chick."

[Shonda Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

🚨 BOOK REVIEW 🚨

Ride-or-Die

Shanita Hubbard validated in her book Ride Or Die - the feminist manifesto for the well-being of black women that the only people coming to save Black women are Black women.

I loved the book so much that I couldn’t put it down. What an excellent reminder of the feminist perspective on the lives of Black women in America. Last week I was reflecting on my reading journey of bell hooks and the impact of her work on my life, so this fresh content arrived on my bookshelf in a timely fashion.

The tropes Black women encounter can be exhausting. At least I know I’ve been exhausted by many of them. Significantly, the ones that prop me up as an unbreakable, pain-resistant superhuman. I am worthy of empathy, gentleness, love, and saving. I feel pain too, and I (we), “Black women have 99 problems, but being Jesus ain’t one of them,” (Hubbard). The idea of what it means to be ride-or-die has cost some of us our lives, and there’s been no glory in that, and even for those of us who are still here, no Medal of Honor for what we contribute.

I look forward to a time when all Black women get to show up and be valued for who we are in our uniqueness. I look forward to not bearing the weight of our communities and our families on our shoulders. I want to see true love and respect in my lifetime for Black women.

I jokingly told one of my sister-friends the other day that when I come back reincarnated, I want to be a white woman. White women are protected - when they cry, everyone pays attention and runs to care for them. Now, of course, I understand humans of all kinds cannot do life unscathed. But, there’s something I believe they get to experience as women that just hasn’t been my experience or that of my sisters. I love being a Black woman, but sometimes being a Black woman is hard, and no one but other Black women seems to understand or care.

Hubbard said it’s time to abolish the ride-or-die notion of the Black woman because it’s toxic, causing many of us to over-perform in our homes, schools, churches, and jobs. And I agree. If you need a sister girl pick me up, get a copy of her book because it’s food for the soul.

Shonda Moore
TBGR, moderator

[chantel nouseforaname · Rating 5 out of 5]

You gotta give credit where credit is due and I will always give it up for the sisters trying to wise up other sisters. While reading this book I kept talking about it with my sister and my friends and seeing where in our lives we’ve made these same mistakes and what we should do to liberate ourselves from these same issues, while examining the struggles we’ve experienced while doing so.

This book was well put together, I appreciated the anecdotes, the memoir aspect, and the deeply reflective pieces of Shanita’s story. Holding down folks inside is not easy. A lot of this book felt like kitchen table talk but it exposes so much of what needs to be discussed in the community. It’s a timely book to read coming out of these past weeks of the Tory Lanez trial because it highlights the ways that members of the community put the emphasis on RIDE (even at your own peril) if they couldn’t kill you and you didn’t DIE for them. Shanita Hubbard explores the ways that Black women can also be complicit in this experience for other Black women.

This book is extremely valuable and I, in my former experience working with survivors of intimate partner violence, know plenty of women who could benefit from reading Shanita’s word and liberating themselves from the madness. Interweaving Hip Hop was for the kids and a nod to the culture but the larger story, the larger picture, is there in plain view.

[Tiana’s Lit Talk · Rating 5 out of 5]

We’ve Been Dying While Riding

Ride or Die Chick: a woman who holds down her family and community She can be called upon by family, friends or significant other at any given time, day or night, and will show up, no questions asked.

This book flashed a flood light on the subject of a “ride or die chick”, way of being for black women, often at our own peril. When one’s self-worth is connected to how much she can be of service to others, going above and beyond for everyone in every aspect of her life, reciprocity is of no consequence. To her, love has to be earned, and there’s no limits on how far she’ll go to attain it as ‘No’ does not exist in her vocabulary.

This, as stated by the author, has left Black women exhausted, overworked, overlooked, and feeling depleted. She elaborates that the susceptibility to this mentality by Black women is due to its normalization within our culture, ringing loud in hip-hop songs, in our interpersonal relationships and our relationship with self. Hubbard implores us through the backdrop of hip-hop to become keenly aware of how this shows up in our lives and that of our sister friends and to do the work necessary for self to heal, freeing ourselves from this trope.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good!!

“Hip hop was born out of a need to give a microphone to voices muted by white America. When hip hop ignores and erases the voices of our community, unless they belong to straight cis black men, it operates like the same oppressive system it was created to contend with.”

“I was convinced I needed to replicate ‘the queen’ in order to gain his respect, which I wanted so much. Being called a ‘queen’ always felt like both a compliment and a call to perform a very specific type of black womanhood with a goal of the ultimate societal prize: being called a ‘wife.’ Whether wife, wifey or queen - she’s got the respect of black men. Being a wife is a beautiful thing, and queens are regal and powerful. This only becomes a problem when we use labels like ‘queen’ as a way to reinforce the false notion that only black women who rock natural hair, know all the trendy social justice buzz words, are sexually conservative, modestly dressed, and more demure deserve more respect than other sisters.”