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Blue Movie
Blue Movie is a horror show come to life. It is one written and cast from the darkest corners of the Internet. In it, readers will witness the brutal unmaking of a human, the terrifying collapse of hope, and the drug-fueled spiral leading to disaster. A sadistic Nazi, a dungeon death, and an arrest for murder are just a few of the shocking moments in this collection of 77 scenes from the life of a sexual outlaw.
187 pages, Hardcover
Published January 1, 2022
65 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
February 2, 2023
One of my favorite spices is nutmeg. Not the crappy pre-ground stuff, but a real nutmeg nut, that you need a woodrasp to grate properly. You rub the nut over the rasp and a fine dusting of pungent, aromatic, and flavorful spiciness lands upon your dish, or your drink. And when you look at the nut, why, barely anything has been taken away at all! A single nut could be used ten, twenty times, even more, before it is worn away beyond further use.
I feel like that nut must feel after being used up, reading this book.
I've seen so many folks refer to this book as "raw" (an entendre if ever there was one, for this author), but it's not just the book that's raw, it's the reader afterwards. Stephan doesn't pull any punches. This is his life, from within, at once unapologetic yet humiliated, self-loathing mixed with egotism, a beautiful melange of hope and pain and fear and joy and revelation. A despondent mania possesses the narrative, gripping the reader and dragging us along for the entire ride. I couldn't stop, and I don't know how I feel about that. I am emotionally drained, as though I experienced that alongside Stephan, and I feel violated, without one iota of resentment for the experience.
Stephan has filled his pages with numerous slivers of lives he has lived and the emotions he has slogged through, and the reader has to deal with those experiences and emotions without any preparation. You pity him, admire him, fear for him, hope for him, celebrate with him, lust with him, and yes, even suffer with him.
I won't say I recommend this book. Oh, it is not for everyone. And I'll be honest: if I didn't consider Stephan Ferris a personal friend, I would likely never have read this. But you will feel with this book. It will show you glimpses of a world you've never likely imagined. And you will feel both soiled and exalted by the view. Ultimately, I think that experience is what most good books seek to convey, a disturbing yet educating view into other lives, other worlds, that one would never otherwise experience. And I'm grateful for this view into the worlds Stephan Ferris knows.
I feel like that nut must feel after being used up, reading this book.
I've seen so many folks refer to this book as "raw" (an entendre if ever there was one, for this author), but it's not just the book that's raw, it's the reader afterwards. Stephan doesn't pull any punches. This is his life, from within, at once unapologetic yet humiliated, self-loathing mixed with egotism, a beautiful melange of hope and pain and fear and joy and revelation. A despondent mania possesses the narrative, gripping the reader and dragging us along for the entire ride. I couldn't stop, and I don't know how I feel about that. I am emotionally drained, as though I experienced that alongside Stephan, and I feel violated, without one iota of resentment for the experience.
Stephan has filled his pages with numerous slivers of lives he has lived and the emotions he has slogged through, and the reader has to deal with those experiences and emotions without any preparation. You pity him, admire him, fear for him, hope for him, celebrate with him, lust with him, and yes, even suffer with him.
I won't say I recommend this book. Oh, it is not for everyone. And I'll be honest: if I didn't consider Stephan Ferris a personal friend, I would likely never have read this. But you will feel with this book. It will show you glimpses of a world you've never likely imagined. And you will feel both soiled and exalted by the view. Ultimately, I think that experience is what most good books seek to convey, a disturbing yet educating view into other lives, other worlds, that one would never otherwise experience. And I'm grateful for this view into the worlds Stephan Ferris knows.
February 14, 2023
What a triumph. Fuller review to come, probably on a different site, but I need to celebrate this important, meaningful text. As someone who reads a lot of work by queer writers, this feels most plugged in to what's going on today and the conversations we'll be having for years to come as a community.
So many texts written by queer men are either directly about HIV/AIDS or allude to it in some way. Ferris's unique, firsthand account is authentic, refreshing, and insightful. Undetectable means untransmutable (U=U) and it's so beautiful to see that in writing. This book would have helped a lot of people if it existed decades ago, but it shines a blue light into the future.
Gay writing can often feel like you're in a stuffy living room that needs to open its window or maybe like a fresh coat of paint might help The structure of this book is so liberating, more in line with Michelle Tea's Valencia or Maggie Nelson's Bluets than a novel written by Genet, WIlde, James, etc. This book offers a stunning balance between personal narrative/an active mind at work, mixed with sex that feels like an homage to the gay erotica of the past, mixed with activism, a professional's journey, and negotiating the different parts.
So many texts written by queer men are either directly about HIV/AIDS or allude to it in some way. Ferris's unique, firsthand account is authentic, refreshing, and insightful. Undetectable means untransmutable (U=U) and it's so beautiful to see that in writing. This book would have helped a lot of people if it existed decades ago, but it shines a blue light into the future.
Gay writing can often feel like you're in a stuffy living room that needs to open its window or maybe like a fresh coat of paint might help The structure of this book is so liberating, more in line with Michelle Tea's Valencia or Maggie Nelson's Bluets than a novel written by Genet, WIlde, James, etc. This book offers a stunning balance between personal narrative/an active mind at work, mixed with sex that feels like an homage to the gay erotica of the past, mixed with activism, a professional's journey, and negotiating the different parts.
June 17, 2023
Stephan Ferris made his name -- or rather the name Blue Bailey -- as a performer in gay porn, so it is not surprising that his memoir "Blue Movie" is such an unflinching exposure of his life. He speaks frankly and in detail about his sexual practices and his problems with addiction to drugs in this handsomely produced and slender memoir. In it, Ferris talks about how he prefers being looked at rather than looking himself. This is generally in the context of describing sex encounters in which he is blindfolded. For me, unfortunately, this is emblematic of the book itself: he shows us/tells us a great deal, but tends not to follow it up with much analysis or even introspection. Like his star-making role in the film "Viral Loads", "Blue Movie" seems to reveal a lot of titillating, even shocking information. (For those who don't know, the film seems to portray Blue Bailey being infected with HIV during a group sex scene, but we learn from his book that he had been HIV positive for a long time before the film was made.) Similarly, I come away from this memoir feeling that I've read a lot of titillating and shocking details about Ferris' life, but I don't feel that it amounts to much more than him once again being looked at while remaining blindfolded.
May 10, 2023
Stephan Ferris takes readers on a captivating journey through his turbulent life in Blue Movie. From Las Vegas to San Francisco, and even overseas, Ferris shares the harrowing experiences that almost cost him his life. Despite the challenges he faces, he manages to overcome his struggles with addiction and find sobriety with the help of his supportive friends and family.
Blue Movie is a powerful reminder that no matter how difficult life may seem, it's possible to turn things around. Ferris' story is a testament to the human spirit and the power of resilience. Readers will find inspiration in his journey and gain a deeper understanding of the challenges that many people face in their pursuit of a better life.
Overall, Blue Movie is a must-read for anyone who has struggled with addiction or overcome adversity. It's a powerful story of hope, resilience, and the unbreakable bond between friends and family.
Blue Movie is a powerful reminder that no matter how difficult life may seem, it's possible to turn things around. Ferris' story is a testament to the human spirit and the power of resilience. Readers will find inspiration in his journey and gain a deeper understanding of the challenges that many people face in their pursuit of a better life.
Overall, Blue Movie is a must-read for anyone who has struggled with addiction or overcome adversity. It's a powerful story of hope, resilience, and the unbreakable bond between friends and family.
May 14, 2025
I havent read a book in long time, but this one just got me hanging, i pretty much read half of it on a flight and i just couldn't stop from there...
This has amazing and key phrases that just made me close it... and just be "huh... thats interesting" I think the writing is fresh and care free (in a good way), just felt like talking to someone i knew and we just were having coffee and a cigarette at my place.
i also would like to point that, its the first book in a lot of years that has made me talk out loud saying things like wtf, no babes not that, love that for you, facial expressions all the time. Honeyly, truly felt amazing, reading a book like this.
This has amazing and key phrases that just made me close it... and just be "huh... thats interesting" I think the writing is fresh and care free (in a good way), just felt like talking to someone i knew and we just were having coffee and a cigarette at my place.
i also would like to point that, its the first book in a lot of years that has made me talk out loud saying things like wtf, no babes not that, love that for you, facial expressions all the time. Honeyly, truly felt amazing, reading a book like this.
December 22, 2024
It’s short, which is good, because there’s a limit to how many vignettes chronicling someone’s self destruction I can take. And that’s really what this book is: a series of vignettes of the watching-as-it-happens train wreck of addiction. Still, it’s interesting to see someone unflinchingly describe the depths of addiction he went through. And it’s gratifying to see that (for now, at least) he has gained the upper hand on his demons.
April 19, 2023
I picked this up because I've been paying attention to this publisher for some time now, and Stephan is participating in an event next week in town.
I appreciate his raw, unselfconscious perspective throughout the book. He's human, he has fucked up and he will continue to fuck up, but he is figuring it out and he is trying.
Sex work, drugs, law school.
I appreciate his raw, unselfconscious perspective throughout the book. He's human, he has fucked up and he will continue to fuck up, but he is figuring it out and he is trying.
Sex work, drugs, law school.
August 13, 2023
Spare, raw, open. I really appreciated it. Not for everyone.
March 25, 2025
Intense read as Ferris reflects the highs and lows of being in the porn industry, addicted to drugs, and becoming a lawyer through all that. Intense but filled with honest feelings. Wow.
June 24, 2025
It was genuinely funny at times (Ferris has a good sense of humor) but God is it ever grim. Maybe don't read this if needles make you squirm.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews