On Becoming Pretoddlerwise: From Babyhood to Toddlerhood

by Gary Ezzo, Robert Bucknam

The period between twelve and eighteen months places a child on a one-way bridge to the future. Infancy is a thing of the past and toddlerhood is straight ahead. A baby still? Not really, but neither is he a toddler and that is the key to understanding this phase of growth. This is a period of great of baby food is exchanged for table food; the highchair for booster seat; finger feeding replaced with spoon; babbling sounds transition to speaking, the first unsteady steps are conquered by strides of confidence, and the list goes on. Moving forward at a lighting pace, pretoddlers are driven towards a new level of independence, equipped with a mind of their own. Whether a parent is ready or not, a toddler's natural inclination and challenge of 'I do myself' will become increasingly apparent, not to mention frustrating. The drive toward independence is very strong yet, unpredictable. He is always in motion and not easily restrained, directed or controlled, but he needs to be! Boundaries will be tested, rules understood as suggestions, and curiosity will become a force to reckon with. How will a parent meet the unfolding challenges? The answer begins with understanding the various growth transitions of the one-hundred and eighty days linking babyhood with toddlerhood.    Come join 26 year Pediatrician Dr. Robert Bucknam, M.D. and co-author Gary Ezzo, M.A. and the community of 6 million homes in all 50 states and around the world that are finding peace and success with their children in the  On Becoming  best selling series!

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family, Reference

176 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2009

Reviews

[Lizzie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found the first Babywise book very helpful but was disappointed with this one. There were a few helpful or interesting concepts in here but mostly common sense. I also felt like it was judgemental.

[Rebekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had this book a couple months ago! We are in the latter end of the pre-toddler stage and I could relate to almost everything in this book! I just about read the whole book in one sitting - it was so helpful!
Now I can clearly see what I need to be working on with our little man (verbal training, consistent rules, etc), and where I need to back track and "re-train". This book is definitely a helpful framework for parents in the busy pre-toddler stage, I will be going back and reading over my notes!

[Michelle Haggard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Educational. Encouraging. Practical. I thoroughly enjoyed this book!

[Amy Formanski Duffy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I sought out this book because I was feeling a little lost on dealing with my 14MO's new habit of throwing tantrums. The Babywise book helped me when I was trying to establish his infant sleep patterns. This one goes into toddler naptime and eating habits, and it is helpful to know that it's normal for them to transition from two naps to one and to only eat a few bites of food during this 12-18 month period. And it goes into discipline advice too. Basically they advise parents to be proactive with discipline, meaning start teaching good habits and boundaries now so that as the kids get older and understand more, they are already headed in the right direction behavior-wise. They don't understand right and wrong right now, but if you tell them "no" in a firm tone they will listen.

These books sometimes make me feel like I'm doing everything wrong as a parent. According to this one I'm way overdue to get rid of binkie, bottle and to go on our first trip to the dentist. But I'm not a panicked newbie mom anymore, either. I know that we can go at our own pace with some things, and I can take the advice I find helpful and use it and disregard the rest. Parents can drive themselves nuts if they try to follow any baby book to the letter. But all of them have a few helpful tips if you're willing to scan through them.

This series is a little bit old-school, in a good way. Example: They say that it's better to teach kids not to touch certain things and to respect other people's belongings instead of "baby-proofing" everything. Again, baby-proofing doesn't teach them anything for the future. You can't rearrange your entire house for these little nuggets. It's impossible, and I have learned that no matter how many things you try to keep out of their reach they will find something else that they're not supposed to play with. Better to teach them what's okay to touch and what's not.

[Pauline Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes, parts of this book are pretty "old fashioned" in that the expectation seems to be mom at home while dad works to support the family. If you're able to look past that, and not become offended by this, there is some really great information. Babywise helped us get our son sleeping 12 hours at night - I highly recommend this method of sleep training to anyone who asks me how we accomplished this. The information in Pre-Toddlerwise is presented clearly and is easy to grasp. My husband and I both read this book so we could stay on the same page regarding how we structure our days with our son. My only regret is that I waited until he was 12 months old to read this - I would recommend reading around 10 months so you can plan ahead - but then, I'm a planner by nature.

[Kamae · Rating 2 out of 5]

After reading this book, (and Baby Wise), I tend to feel that there's something wrong with me or my baby because I can't get him on a specific schedule. I don't like feeling that way because I've come to learn how every baby is different and every parenting style is different. I guess I was looking more for suggestions and options of how to help my child rather than an absolute way of doing things. I am currently reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, and I'm loving it.

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been watching the Growing Families video series and this book follows the script pretty closely, with some additional specific information on a few
challenges . The Ezzos offer a conservative (old school?) approach to parenting that in someways contrasts the popular gentle, positive parenting styles. They don’t practice anything too harsh or violent, on the contrary they advocate for grace and patience while teaching the pre-toddler. However, they emphasize parental authority and how it is their responsibility to train children in self-control and boundaries. I feel like I so often hear about strategies to change the child’s environment so they change their behavior. And while this is part of the Ezzo’s overall strategy for behavior management, they also offer strategies for teaching the child to manage his or her own behavior.
This book was worth the time to read and reflect on, even if I don’t adopt every detail into my parenting style.

[Claudio · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am such a fan of the babywise books.
They helped me navigating parenting and while people keep saying we were lucky to have such a calm and happy baby, they don’t know the amount of work that goes into it, and I only have to thank the authors for making this work so pleasant and rewarding.

I also understand the 2-3 stars people are giving to the books. Their method is not for everybody, it requires taking responsibility and owning the process with no way to blame luck or genetic.

It’s also old, always taking to moms, but to be honest, this is the way it is in so many family, at least most of my friends.

All books are popular and can be found second hand on Amazon for just a few dollars. And they are full of wisdom.

As I said, it’s not for all, if you are not good at project managing this might not work for you.

[Jaelynn Horton · Rating 3 out of 5]

It wasn’t my fave. Some of it was because it felt outdated, some of it was because I don’t agree with their philosophies. They seemed to be pretty adamant about “playpen time,” which was sticking your kid in their pack n plays for a certain amount of time. I guess I’m ok with her playing with toys out in the living room. Maybe that’s because we have a teeny apartment, but I just believe in exploration.

[Gabi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay so my low review is because this book is mainly common sense! It talks a lot about how to correct behaviors and stuff which really isn’t what I was hoping to gain from this book.

I was hoping to gain more knowledge about merging naps, dropping bedtime feedings and sleep transitions. While this information was in there it was short and lacking. However, there were some helpful tid bits in there so it wasn’t completely useless.

[Anna Haddad · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is a lot about this book that is very dated, especially in terms of gender/parent roles. However, I think there are a lot of nuggets of wisdom if you can look past some of those other things. The recommendations laid out in the book don't align with all parents' philosophies, and I totally get that. But as a parent to a pretoddler who is quite literally the busiest human I've ever encountered in my life, I thought it was helpful.

[Philip Carroll · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a first time dad and a huge fan of the first book "Babywise," I found this book to be very enlightening on what to expect and how to handle the child at this age as well as goals to aim for. It's also a really easy read and not terribly long. I'm seeing some positive results from my child and am very much looking forward to the next book. This guy knows his stuff.

[Tabi Toner · Rating 4 out of 5]

My biggest takeaway was encouraging “please” and “thank you” signs early on. And “house-proofing” your child vs. “child-proofing” your house. We have a balance here but I appreciate the intentions behind these measures

We did baby led weaning as our method for approaching food which doesn’t quite fit this model

[Lisa Wells · Rating 5 out of 5]

Also obsessed with this series. I officially have a Babywise baby and I have never had to go into her room at night after 4 months. Even when shes sick, she sleeps. And its just great feeding/sleep/and now correction information. And solids and whatever else I am dealing with at the time.

[Sarah Wilkie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me so much! I was really struggling with boundaries and discipline for my pre-toddler, and this book helped me figure out age appropriate correction and discipline. Definitely a good read for first time parents.

[Ariana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful, but badly needs copy editing.

[Dana Walton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful info. I found a good deal of typos.

[Molly Whelan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate the suggestions for independent time.

[Anna Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

The worst book in the series. Adds absolutely no new information. Rather read Babywise II or Toddlerwise.

[Alina · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF - outdated and common sense advices. Parents, you can do better for your kids on your own.

[Jana · Rating 2 out of 5]

The authoritarian parenting style this book presents is harmful but I did learn a useful thing or two

[Lizzy Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good advice, but it looks like this edition wasn’t edited. Extra words weren’t removed and even an entire paragraph was repeated. Regardless, love this series and will continue with the next.

[Amanda B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Less helpful than Babywise, but still good. Easy to read, quick to read, and has helpful summaries at the end of each chapter.

[Amanda Paschen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some outdated advice but some really good stuff I wish I had read a few months ago.

[Mercedes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as helpful as the first book. I wish there were more examples and guidance for dropping to one nap and intro to potty training.

[Marsha Robinson · Rating 1 out of 5]

It felt dated to me. Some interesting ideas, but also some themes that made me uncomfortable.

[Leann Mazack · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good stuff! Very poorly edited. Tripped dover wrong words and typos throughout thee whole book.

[Luke Gruber · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciate Ezzo's take on parenting. I've read all the books up leading to this one (and plan on reading future books as well). If you're like me and like to know general timelines of progress for your baby, this series is helpful.

[Amanda · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just a sampling of offensive things in this book:

(1) "Not every day will end up being the perfect day when Dad walks through the door. He may walk into a chaotic situation without knowing what has been going on earlier that day. He sees his toddler son pulling papers off his desk or maybe dinner is delayed tonight." Because of course it's mom's job to have dinner on the table when Dad walks through the door, even though she has spent all day caring for her child by herself, because...

(2) "Pretoddlers and toddlers placed in organized preschool are often negatively impacted by the peer pressure associated with children from homes that do not share your values. . . . When you compare the temporary advantage [in educational outcomes] gained with the offset in emotional and social setbacks, you have to ask if outsourcing your child is best for his development."

(3) "Discomfort tends to 'get attention' faster than anything. A squeeze on the hand, even a swat for wiggling on a changing table, when accompanied by verbal correction acts as a deterrent to wrong and health-threatening behaviors."

Don't bother with this book. There are many other, much better, more modern books that cover discipline and routines for pretoddlers.

[Abby · Rating 2 out of 5]

I generally have a visceral reaction to the Ezzo books. They are not my favorite parenting books by a long shot. But I read this one during nap time as I have a rapidly approaching toddler and I feel a little rusty from my now two and a half year old.

While they'll say things along the lines of finding the best fit for your family, I always feel exceptionally judged when I've read their books. I just don't worship at the Ezzo throne. I think most mothers feel insecure and struggle with guilt - these books seem to promote that guilt. I just hate fear-mongering, especially among parents.

But, after that rant, I will say that there were lots of good tidbits in this book. It was a good refresher for my two year old and gave me some ideas of where to start with boundaries with my 11 month old.

I don't really want to know them, I don't want to have them over to my house and I definitely don't want to be friends with the newly-reformed example mother who now beautifully has her child's day scheduled down to the half hour.