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Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: Quiet the Critical Voice in Your Head, Heal Self-Doubt, and Live the Life You Deserve
Were you raised by a narcissist? This essential guide will show you how to stop feeling invisible, quiet your critical inner voice, and start living life on your own terms.
Did you grow up with a mother who was controlling or manipulative? Was she emotionally or psychologically abusive toward you? Did she make you feel ashamed, rejected, or “crazy?” Was it all about her, all of the time? When your mother is a narcissist, it can damage and invalidate your sense of self, and leave you with lasting anxiety, insecurity, self-doubt, and a relentlessly critical internal voice. But there are tools you can use to move forward in your adult life with confidence. The evidence-based skills in this book will help you heal the scars of growing up with a self-absorbed and narcissistic mother.
Written by a psychologist and expert in narcissism, Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers offers proven-effective strategies drawn from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to help you reduce anxiety, build confidence, overcome self-criticism, and live the life you deserve. You’ll also find tons of practical tips to help you build healthy, trusting relationships; stop apologizing for the failures of others; and start trusting your own good judgment.
If you were raised by a narcissistic mother and are struggling with the lingering effects of a toxic upbringing, this is the road map you need to heal the past and thrive in the present and future.
Did you grow up with a mother who was controlling or manipulative? Was she emotionally or psychologically abusive toward you? Did she make you feel ashamed, rejected, or “crazy?” Was it all about her, all of the time? When your mother is a narcissist, it can damage and invalidate your sense of self, and leave you with lasting anxiety, insecurity, self-doubt, and a relentlessly critical internal voice. But there are tools you can use to move forward in your adult life with confidence. The evidence-based skills in this book will help you heal the scars of growing up with a self-absorbed and narcissistic mother.
Written by a psychologist and expert in narcissism, Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers offers proven-effective strategies drawn from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to help you reduce anxiety, build confidence, overcome self-criticism, and live the life you deserve. You’ll also find tons of practical tips to help you build healthy, trusting relationships; stop apologizing for the failures of others; and start trusting your own good judgment.
If you were raised by a narcissistic mother and are struggling with the lingering effects of a toxic upbringing, this is the road map you need to heal the past and thrive in the present and future.
186 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 1, 2022
492 people are currently reading
3098 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 220 reviews
January 29, 2023
Of all the books I have read on having a narcissistic mother, this is the first one that offers a number of techniques and practices to stay grounded in oneself. I am well versed in a lot of these, but they are beneficial for anybody new to therapy, inner work, and mindfulness.
I really dislike books that consistently tell you what to expect from a chapter and what you have learned when a chapter concludes. It is unneeded. I took off a star for this pet peeve.
When I was first going through the estrangement process, this book would not have been as helpful as the others I read because I was confused, angry, sad, and rather devastated. I needed books that really spoke to those emotions—and thankfully they showed up, like books tend to do.
As an aside, I recommend reading “Discovering the Inner Mother” by Bethany Webster before you read this one.
I really dislike books that consistently tell you what to expect from a chapter and what you have learned when a chapter concludes. It is unneeded. I took off a star for this pet peeve.
When I was first going through the estrangement process, this book would not have been as helpful as the others I read because I was confused, angry, sad, and rather devastated. I needed books that really spoke to those emotions—and thankfully they showed up, like books tend to do.
As an aside, I recommend reading “Discovering the Inner Mother” by Bethany Webster before you read this one.
September 6, 2022
It is soul-destroying to be the adult daughter of a mother who is narcissistic. No one understands why you avoid Mother’s Day; why you cry the day away on your birthday; why you find it unfathomable when you hear someone mention that their mother is their best friend. And if you ever get the courage to tell someone that you hate your mother, that you have zero feelings towards them, that they are your biological mother only, forget about their understanding. They think you are selfish and can’t understand how you could say such things.
Adult daughters of narcissistic mothers have learnt to keep their mouths shut. They know they will be judged harshly, so instead, they suffer in silence. After all, society tells us from a young age that daughters and mothers should be best friends, shopping and having great times together. When your reality doesn’t match up to that, it can be very hard to accept. Harder still to believe that it is not your fault.
This book was hard to read, as it will be for anyone who is the adult daughter of a narcissist. We are trained from a young age to know, inherently, that every single thing that goes wrong is our fault. It takes courage to open this book, to take that step towards questioning the truth of your relationship with your mother.
This book is a good place to start, although I did feel that it often reinforced the misconception that managing a narcissistic mother was the responsibility of the daughter in this mother-daughter relationship. It is not.
This book is more suited to those with low-level narcissistic mothers, those passive-aggressive mothers. For those daughters whose mothers are more severe, this book is underwhelming.
While it talks briefly about grieving the relationship you didn’t get to have (the part I found most useful), I would have loved to have seen a discussion on how to navigate wishing that your mother was different, on longing to be loved the way you needed, the way you should have been. I wish there had been advice about having open and honest discussions with others about how your mother is, and about the reality of living with a narcissistic mother.
Overall it was a very narrow perspective of life with a narcissistic mother.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy to read, it has in no way influenced my review.
Adult daughters of narcissistic mothers have learnt to keep their mouths shut. They know they will be judged harshly, so instead, they suffer in silence. After all, society tells us from a young age that daughters and mothers should be best friends, shopping and having great times together. When your reality doesn’t match up to that, it can be very hard to accept. Harder still to believe that it is not your fault.
This book was hard to read, as it will be for anyone who is the adult daughter of a narcissist. We are trained from a young age to know, inherently, that every single thing that goes wrong is our fault. It takes courage to open this book, to take that step towards questioning the truth of your relationship with your mother.
This book is a good place to start, although I did feel that it often reinforced the misconception that managing a narcissistic mother was the responsibility of the daughter in this mother-daughter relationship. It is not.
This book is more suited to those with low-level narcissistic mothers, those passive-aggressive mothers. For those daughters whose mothers are more severe, this book is underwhelming.
While it talks briefly about grieving the relationship you didn’t get to have (the part I found most useful), I would have loved to have seen a discussion on how to navigate wishing that your mother was different, on longing to be loved the way you needed, the way you should have been. I wish there had been advice about having open and honest discussions with others about how your mother is, and about the reality of living with a narcissistic mother.
Overall it was a very narrow perspective of life with a narcissistic mother.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy to read, it has in no way influenced my review.
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February 14, 2023
Well, it is not easy, especially if the book touches on some painful memories and emotions.
This book opens with the negative impact of the actions of narcissist mothers in mother-daughter relationships. But it offers various practices to handle the negativity and move forward little by little. There were exercises that made me do it immediately. I got new insights about shame, guilt, and assertiveness.
The book highly recommends to the readers and listeners that they have a journal with them as they tackle it, which I found amazing but not that easy as it requires going back to the past.
Picking this book is a great challenge, but also a sign of strength and hope for betterment. Everyone is indeed not perfect.
You can grow and thrive.
May 8, 2023
I'm sure this book can help others, and I really tried to give it the proper dedication. However, when the author tells us to have compassion for the narcissistic mother and states that narcissistic mothers want the same things we do...I had to give up on this book.
While I understand compassion is not permissive, I have issues with taking anyone who believes narcissistic mothers want the same thing as their daughters. If that were the case, we wouldn't have low or no contact and irreparable relationships that collapsed after emotional neglect and exhaustion on the part of the daughters.
If you are a daughter of a narcissistic mother, please be gentle with yourself and keep searching for support and books to help. I cannot recommend therapy enough as well. You will get through this.
While I understand compassion is not permissive, I have issues with taking anyone who believes narcissistic mothers want the same thing as their daughters. If that were the case, we wouldn't have low or no contact and irreparable relationships that collapsed after emotional neglect and exhaustion on the part of the daughters.
If you are a daughter of a narcissistic mother, please be gentle with yourself and keep searching for support and books to help. I cannot recommend therapy enough as well. You will get through this.
August 17, 2023
My mom is a narcissist. I struggled growing up to articulate our prickly relationship. Most people thought I was a bratty teenager who didn’t appreciate everything my mom did for me. I thought I escaped the side effects of her caustic parenting, but now that I am a parent and as I get older, I realize how much her influence has affected the way I behave in uncomfortable situations. I have a hard time making final decisions and have to plan things way in advance to feel fully prepared and relaxed. I do not like to have to rely on other people. I don’t trust that they will come through. When someone does something nice for me I can’t accept it for face value. I feel that I now owe a debt that must be repaid and I question the motives of people who are kind or generous to me. I have a difficult time dealing with other people’s sadness and shut myself off to it. I avoid their anger altogether at all costs. I stiffen at physical affection except by a very select few people.
“The safest place to keep your thoughts and feelings was inside your own mind.”
This probably isn’t the best choice to listen to on audio. There are lots of prompts for writing/drawing exercises that get repetitive to listen to.
“The safest place to keep your thoughts and feelings was inside your own mind.”
This probably isn’t the best choice to listen to on audio. There are lots of prompts for writing/drawing exercises that get repetitive to listen to.
July 20, 2023
Vulnerable post here.
Posting this review scares me so much. There is so much shame and aloneness that comes with this situation. It’s a situation I’ve been trying to navigate for around 2 years.
I’m in no means diagnosing anyone by reading this book.
I’ve worked through therapy and I have an understanding of what’s going on, however my brain never shuts up and I want some type of release from it. So when I saw the subtitle “quiet the critical voice in your head, heal self-doubt, and live the life you deserve”, I knew I had to at least give it a try.
I think this book is great for someone initially discovering there’s a problem. It really gives great descriptions and lists of what you may be experiencing. It also gives some good coping/breathing strategies. Some I already knew of, but some that I’ve since tried and found helpful. There’s also true stories of other women and broke them apart to have better understanding.
I definitely took a ton of notes along with the journal prompts and things I wanted to remember.
It was definitely an emotional read as I found things I related to. So I recommend reading it slowly and in your own space where you can really take it all in.
As much as it’s difficult for me to post about this book I wanted to share it so others who may need it know they aren’t as alone as they feel and that there are resources out there for them.
This isn’t a complete fix of a book, but it’s a good place to get started. I wish someone gave it to me in the beginning.
4 stars! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
#Bookstagram #BookReview #NonFiction #Reading #Books #BooksBooksBooks #NonFictionBooks #SelfHelpBooks #AudioBooks
Posting this review scares me so much. There is so much shame and aloneness that comes with this situation. It’s a situation I’ve been trying to navigate for around 2 years.
I’m in no means diagnosing anyone by reading this book.
I’ve worked through therapy and I have an understanding of what’s going on, however my brain never shuts up and I want some type of release from it. So when I saw the subtitle “quiet the critical voice in your head, heal self-doubt, and live the life you deserve”, I knew I had to at least give it a try.
I think this book is great for someone initially discovering there’s a problem. It really gives great descriptions and lists of what you may be experiencing. It also gives some good coping/breathing strategies. Some I already knew of, but some that I’ve since tried and found helpful. There’s also true stories of other women and broke them apart to have better understanding.
I definitely took a ton of notes along with the journal prompts and things I wanted to remember.
It was definitely an emotional read as I found things I related to. So I recommend reading it slowly and in your own space where you can really take it all in.
As much as it’s difficult for me to post about this book I wanted to share it so others who may need it know they aren’t as alone as they feel and that there are resources out there for them.
This isn’t a complete fix of a book, but it’s a good place to get started. I wish someone gave it to me in the beginning.
4 stars! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
#Bookstagram #BookReview #NonFiction #Reading #Books #BooksBooksBooks #NonFictionBooks #SelfHelpBooks #AudioBooks
August 19, 2022
I will start this review off with a thank you to the author because this was very helpful to me. I did grow up with a narcissistic mother and now as an adult, it does affect my everyday life but with all the exercises that are included here in the book, I know how to help myself now. In "Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Stephanie M. Kriesberg" she drives deep to help the readers to understand not just the type of narcissist the mothers could have been/are to sharing other women's experiences which is one of many areas that I found helpful.
Yes, some of the exercises were difficult because, to be honest, I don't like going back through my past but with this, I knew I wasn't alone and that helped me out tremendously. Experiences she shared, I was able to relate to almost every single one so I understood how each woman felt when they shared them with her. I feel like so many women could get so much help from this book and try to heal after reading this. I do recommend this to any woman that has this kind of mother because, in my opinion, it could help them or at least point them in the right direction of healing themselves.
Thank you #NetGalley as well for allowing me to read this and give my honest review of it. I am beyond grateful that I was able to read this.
Yes, some of the exercises were difficult because, to be honest, I don't like going back through my past but with this, I knew I wasn't alone and that helped me out tremendously. Experiences she shared, I was able to relate to almost every single one so I understood how each woman felt when they shared them with her. I feel like so many women could get so much help from this book and try to heal after reading this. I do recommend this to any woman that has this kind of mother because, in my opinion, it could help them or at least point them in the right direction of healing themselves.
Thank you #NetGalley as well for allowing me to read this and give my honest review of it. I am beyond grateful that I was able to read this.
March 15, 2024
um how do you even review therapy books?
this was good to read in the sense that it reassured me my experiences aren’t singular and it also helped to recognize? verbalize? swirling thoughts I’ve had and haven’t been able to pinpoint - aka having every topic listed out in book form helps me to see the full picture instead of feeling like I’m swimming inside of the frame.
really really not a fan of the language and layout in this book…i feel like a stupid little puppy being explained how to eat properly. if a therapist spoke to me like this i would simply blink and leave.
what’s good- the exercises about learning about to regulate your emotions. values. confidence. mindfulness. your basic therapy stuff that i should implement more purposefully.
anyways it feels hilarious to have people on my goodreads see me reading this but welcome to my diary! alara tries to get better 2024!
this was good to read in the sense that it reassured me my experiences aren’t singular and it also helped to recognize? verbalize? swirling thoughts I’ve had and haven’t been able to pinpoint - aka having every topic listed out in book form helps me to see the full picture instead of feeling like I’m swimming inside of the frame.
really really not a fan of the language and layout in this book…i feel like a stupid little puppy being explained how to eat properly. if a therapist spoke to me like this i would simply blink and leave.
what’s good- the exercises about learning about to regulate your emotions. values. confidence. mindfulness. your basic therapy stuff that i should implement more purposefully.
anyways it feels hilarious to have people on my goodreads see me reading this but welcome to my diary! alara tries to get better 2024!
September 6, 2022
This is a compassionate book with a logical step-by-step guide to help adult daughters brought up by narcissistic mothers to first realise that the guilt, shame, and deep resentment that boil under the cover of being a perfect, caring, empathetic woman are not the reader’s fault. Then, just as one can tackle a big problem in life by dividing it into smaller parts, the hurt, the shame, the anger, the sadness that the reader feels can also be handled piece by piece. The reader is shown how to manage repetitive negative thoughts, and learn to feel and live without the guilt and shame and fear that has likely plagued the reader her entire life.
Reading through this book brought back painful memories, but I have learned several feasible methods here to un-brainwash myself from the critical voice in my head. I would recommend this to anyone who had felt belittled by overbearing mothers who constantly demanded and expected too much, whether one identifies her mother as being narcissistic or not.
Disclosure: I received a free review copy via NetGalley.
Reading through this book brought back painful memories, but I have learned several feasible methods here to un-brainwash myself from the critical voice in my head. I would recommend this to anyone who had felt belittled by overbearing mothers who constantly demanded and expected too much, whether one identifies her mother as being narcissistic or not.
Disclosure: I received a free review copy via NetGalley.
December 29, 2023
Enough of my mother's behavior was explained to me in this book. Not why she acted as she did, but the actions themselves were familiar. My problem with this book is it promises to help. It didn't help me to understand how a mother could put herself so far above her children that she refused them compassion and intimacy. There was no hugging or kissing, etc. Fortunately, I lived with my grandmother for 3 years between the ages of 5 and 8. During that time I had a very close relationship with my grandparents and was loved 24/7. I was encouraged. I was able to carry the belief that I could accomplish anything I set out to do from that time to adulthood.
I think this book will clear the fog on this topic for many women. Hopefully they'll find it helpful as well.
I think this book will clear the fog on this topic for many women. Hopefully they'll find it helpful as well.
July 30, 2024
This was a practical and tender starting point for working through the aftermath of having a narcissistic mother. I honestly didn’t realize how many of my behaviors can be traced back to my mother. I also really appreciated the practical solutions, like mindfulness and self-compassion and various visualizations, in addition to the self help stuff. It was extremely thoughtful. However, I will say this is kind of an intro level book?? I have a lot of complex trauma from her beyond her narcissistic tendencies so I need a stronger dose of this research. I do find myself feeling more even-keeled, aware, and having more love and appreciation for myself and my strength after what I’ve been through. Sending love to anyone on their own journey. You are stronger than you know!🫶
July 21, 2023
There is a lot of emphasis on exercises in this book. It was a good book, but geared more toward those in the beginning of their journey of reckoning with a narcissistic mother. I have worked on boundaries and assertiveness for years, so I felt that the sections covering those skills were personally not that helpful. I do think they might be very helpful for those who are focusing on building those skills. I read books like this for validation and to read similar experiences. The anecdotes fulfilled that desire.
November 22, 2022
As a psychiatrist in private practice, I treat many women with anxiety and low self esteem who feel they must be perfect and please everyone but themselves. I am impressed how accurately Dr. Kriesberg understands them in her book. Each chapter is like a psychotherapy session, providing education on the nature of relationships between daughters and narcissistic mothers, realistic anecdotes and evidence based treatments that the reader can easily do at home. Many women will find reading this book a corrective therapeutic experience, since Dr. Kriesberg writes in a warm, gentle tone with empathy and sincerity shining through. Women living with the repercussions of a relationship with a narcissistic mother as well as women who want healthy relationships with their own daughters would benefit from this book. I have already recommended it to my patients.
March 10, 2023
Disappointing. I felt that this was a very shallow overview of growing up with a narcissistic mother. Especially disappointing to me was the limited look at narcissism's effect on siblings. There was only a minor mention of the roles the different siblings assume and no mention of the role of scapegoat.
April 24, 2024
I don’t usually review books on here, but this one hit the nail on its head. Although it takes a CBT approach, it encompasses the emotions and experience of being an adult daughter of a narcissistic mother. The book makes you think, feel, and understand that it is not you who is the problem. It validates the experience of going through narcissistic abuse and shows you that you are not alone.
August 19, 2024
I am an adult daughter of a narcissistic mother. I so badly wanted to enjoy this book and get at least a little bit of help from it. Unfortunately, neither happened. I did finish, but I also found a few harmful things in this book and a number of things that victim blame. Please stay away if you can help it. I definitely feel more lost and broken than I did before I opened this book.
February 24, 2024
My friends have narcissistic moms. Wanted to understand them better. This book was great at explaining what it is, why it’s important for daughters to find healing for themselves, and how to do it. Learned a lot!
July 29, 2023
3.5
I found this book to be EXTREMELY healing but I wish there was more diversity in background and age of daughters featured in this book.
I found this book to be EXTREMELY healing but I wish there was more diversity in background and age of daughters featured in this book.
May 7, 2024
I found this book helpful and insightful. However, I prefer the approach taken in Karyl McBride's book "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?". I liked that it wasn't written as if it was speaking directly to me, but still provided relatable information.
Kriesberg's book speaks directly to the reader in very specific scenarios that actually ended up making me feel more isolated that I couldn't relate to the examples. Furthermore, there were so many scenarios offered that it became a little annoying.
I was very disappointed and surprised that the chapter on Siblings didn't include the "parentification" of the older sibling. I imagine this isn't an uncommon result of growing up with a maternal narcissist, and it's something I can relate to.
Otherwise, I think this book offers a strong perspective on narcissistic mothers and concrete steps daughters can take to heal from lasting trauma.
Kriesberg's book speaks directly to the reader in very specific scenarios that actually ended up making me feel more isolated that I couldn't relate to the examples. Furthermore, there were so many scenarios offered that it became a little annoying.
I was very disappointed and surprised that the chapter on Siblings didn't include the "parentification" of the older sibling. I imagine this isn't an uncommon result of growing up with a maternal narcissist, and it's something I can relate to.
Otherwise, I think this book offers a strong perspective on narcissistic mothers and concrete steps daughters can take to heal from lasting trauma.
November 25, 2022
I requested this book to read for a loved one, who unfortunately deals with heavy narcissism in her life from multiple family members. It weighs on all of our hearts and I thought if this book could help her or even me in the process on how to deal with it or make the relationship better than I am willing to give it a try.
I've always been fascinated by how the mind works, why we "tick" essentially, and how to maneuver around people who are less than ideal to be around because of their behavior or personality. Although, I feel the narcissist term gets thrown around quite often, if you read this book, you will understand what a true narcissist is and how they interact with others, particularly their daughters.
This book will make you feel validated and I feel as a daughter of a narcissist, you will quickly be able to relate to this book and the stories it provides. There's various practices, such as journaling and breathing exercises, to help cope with issues that a narcissist mother brings along and I felt the author was very compassionate about breaking everything down and making you aware of the two different types of narcissism and their various methods of expressing it. There were many "ah-ha" moments for me and it's helpful for me to read more about something in a situation that I often times feel helpless in.
I would have loved to have known more about why narcissistic mothers have the terrible relationships with their daughters versus their sons, but I'm assuming it stems from their insecurities and comparing themselves to their daughters.
Overall, I thought this was a great stepping stone for someone who is struggling with this particular type of person in their life and I've already ordered the book and had it sent to the loved one I had in mind when I first read the book.
**Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me an advanced copy of this book and in return I am submitting my unbiased and voluntary review and opinion. I am posting this review to my Goodreads account immediately and will post it to my Amazon & Instagram accounts upon publication.
I've always been fascinated by how the mind works, why we "tick" essentially, and how to maneuver around people who are less than ideal to be around because of their behavior or personality. Although, I feel the narcissist term gets thrown around quite often, if you read this book, you will understand what a true narcissist is and how they interact with others, particularly their daughters.
This book will make you feel validated and I feel as a daughter of a narcissist, you will quickly be able to relate to this book and the stories it provides. There's various practices, such as journaling and breathing exercises, to help cope with issues that a narcissist mother brings along and I felt the author was very compassionate about breaking everything down and making you aware of the two different types of narcissism and their various methods of expressing it. There were many "ah-ha" moments for me and it's helpful for me to read more about something in a situation that I often times feel helpless in.
I would have loved to have known more about why narcissistic mothers have the terrible relationships with their daughters versus their sons, but I'm assuming it stems from their insecurities and comparing themselves to their daughters.
Overall, I thought this was a great stepping stone for someone who is struggling with this particular type of person in their life and I've already ordered the book and had it sent to the loved one I had in mind when I first read the book.
**Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me an advanced copy of this book and in return I am submitting my unbiased and voluntary review and opinion. I am posting this review to my Goodreads account immediately and will post it to my Amazon & Instagram accounts upon publication.
September 11, 2023
I feel like this book could be really beneficial to plenty of daughters who have a rocky relationship with their mother, but it really only covers surface level pain. I understand this book is not equivalent to years of therapy, so I’ll say that you may find yourself healing after reading this, or understanding yourself and your mother more..but it certainly feels like it’s not for ALL narcissistic relationships.
For example, hearing your mother’s disapproving nagging in your head seems pretty surface level compared to years of emotional manipulation you have to unfurl. This isn’t to say hearing your mother’s disappointment in your mind isn’t painful, it’s just a different kind of pain than what others have had. I guess putting it nicely it feels a bit 2 dimensional.
Another thing I tend to really dislike about these kind of books is when the author encourages us to treat our abuser with compassion. After years of emotional manipulation where I personally was forced to give compassion to my mother, it feels very counterproductive to then ask me to give her that again, after I have already learned that she doesn’t need my compassion, she needs my praise. Narcissists require “emotional fluffers” to feel good about themselves and if you’re their child, chances are you’re already aware of this and have worked years as their personal fluffer anticipating their emotional needs. Careful now, guess wrong and they’ll berate you.
Asking an adult to show compassion towards that won’t heal, but continue to allow us to feel the responsibility of holding a specific feeling for our parent.
Again maybe some people can benefit from this book, maybe find a way to communicate with their mother in a language they respond to, but for those other people that have had to find the strength within themselves to be their own parent, I’m not sure this is the book for you.
For example, hearing your mother’s disapproving nagging in your head seems pretty surface level compared to years of emotional manipulation you have to unfurl. This isn’t to say hearing your mother’s disappointment in your mind isn’t painful, it’s just a different kind of pain than what others have had. I guess putting it nicely it feels a bit 2 dimensional.
Another thing I tend to really dislike about these kind of books is when the author encourages us to treat our abuser with compassion. After years of emotional manipulation where I personally was forced to give compassion to my mother, it feels very counterproductive to then ask me to give her that again, after I have already learned that she doesn’t need my compassion, she needs my praise. Narcissists require “emotional fluffers” to feel good about themselves and if you’re their child, chances are you’re already aware of this and have worked years as their personal fluffer anticipating their emotional needs. Careful now, guess wrong and they’ll berate you.
Asking an adult to show compassion towards that won’t heal, but continue to allow us to feel the responsibility of holding a specific feeling for our parent.
Again maybe some people can benefit from this book, maybe find a way to communicate with their mother in a language they respond to, but for those other people that have had to find the strength within themselves to be their own parent, I’m not sure this is the book for you.
November 2, 2022
Thank you to NetGalley + New Harbinger Publications for an early copy of this ebook!
This is a book I have so deeply needed, and I am glad that others struggling with their relationship with their mother will have access to this. The author does an excellent job of providing textual information as it relates to narcissism as well as intervention strategies and coping skills that the reader can use to manage their thoughts and feelings.
Because it is so heavy in the topic of narcissistic mothers and unhealthy maternal relationships, it may be difficult to read in large chunks. Taking it slowly and diving into the suggested journal entries and prompts can definitely help the reader better understand their own emotions and behaviors.
I definitely will be purchasing a physical copy of this book for my therapeutic library, and I already know I will have most of it highlighted and annotated to reference.
This is a book I have so deeply needed, and I am glad that others struggling with their relationship with their mother will have access to this. The author does an excellent job of providing textual information as it relates to narcissism as well as intervention strategies and coping skills that the reader can use to manage their thoughts and feelings.
Because it is so heavy in the topic of narcissistic mothers and unhealthy maternal relationships, it may be difficult to read in large chunks. Taking it slowly and diving into the suggested journal entries and prompts can definitely help the reader better understand their own emotions and behaviors.
I definitely will be purchasing a physical copy of this book for my therapeutic library, and I already know I will have most of it highlighted and annotated to reference.
October 30, 2022
If you have ever felt alone struggling with a narcissistic mother, I highly recommend Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Stephanie Kriesberg PsyD. The book provides clear information about narcissism while also providing real life examples from daughters and their relationship struggles with their mothers. It offers in-depth examples of how we can change patterns by quieting our own self-judgements and setting boundaries. The author takes readers beyond understanding, to skill-building with guided strategies, including journaling, grounding and mindfulness activities. The content is thoughtfully embedded in the most current research. All is delivered with flexibility, allowing the reader to take their own pace and have it resonate on a personal level. Highly recommended for women who have grown up with a narcissistic mother and are ready to work toward their own healing.
January 1, 2023
I am a clinical social worker currently working in education. I read this for my own learning and reflection. This is a quick read at just around 100 pages. I connected to some of the case studies and descriptions and it made me reflect on my own experience, especially in setting boundaries and realistic expectations. I appreciated learning about the different types of narcissists (grandiose and vulnerable). I also appreciated the narrow focus of daughters of narcissistic mothers. It made the content more meaningful.
Soon after I read this, I listed to Jenette McCurdy's memoir I'm Glad My Mom Died. It could have been an expanded case study for this book.
Thanks to the publisher for a copy of the book. All opinions are my own.
Soon after I read this, I listed to Jenette McCurdy's memoir I'm Glad My Mom Died. It could have been an expanded case study for this book.
Thanks to the publisher for a copy of the book. All opinions are my own.
September 13, 2024
This book was clear in its definitions and explanations. A great resource for those who are struggling to understand why they are the way they are and behave the way they do. Also includes practice sections to do some journaling and work through some deep-seated trauma.
This ARC was provided by the publisher, via NetGalley, in exchange for an honest review.
This ARC was provided by the publisher, via NetGalley, in exchange for an honest review.
February 14, 2023
I think if I hadn’t read so many other books on this topic I would have rated it better.
I like that the author offers many illustrative examples. Would recommend to someone afflicted who likes journaling.
Toxic parents and will I ever be good enough are still my favorites in this “genre”
I like that the author offers many illustrative examples. Would recommend to someone afflicted who likes journaling.
Toxic parents and will I ever be good enough are still my favorites in this “genre”
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June 17, 2023I liked that this book addressed common struggles and gave very tangible action steps. I also do not think this book is only about mothers, I think the author could have made that less specific because it was helpful to me just as a lens for narcissists in general
January 31, 2023
I’ve never felt more seen. Also some great techniques offered.
December 16, 2023
Really hit home. Great book
January 5, 2025
Clearly digging in DEEP here with my current reads of 2025. Top learnings include:
Types of Narcissistic Mothers:
- Vulnerable
- Grandiose
Types of Gaslighters:
- Minimizer
- Threatener
- Subject changer
- Put downer
- The cross examiner
- The defender
- The denier
- The accounter
- Cognitive empathy vs. emotional empathy
“Healthy empathy required the capacity to understand someone else’s feelings and experiences from an appropriate distance without getting overwhelmed by the other person’s emotions. When someone gets overwhelmed by the other’s emotions, they lose their ability to help or listen as needed. With a narcissistic mother, her empathy is her own emotions gone overboard, drowning out her daughter’s needs.”
Ambiguous loss - someone who is physically present but psychologically absent.
Types of Narcissistic Mothers:
- Vulnerable
- Grandiose
Types of Gaslighters:
- Minimizer
- Threatener
- Subject changer
- Put downer
- The cross examiner
- The defender
- The denier
- The accounter
- Cognitive empathy vs. emotional empathy
“Healthy empathy required the capacity to understand someone else’s feelings and experiences from an appropriate distance without getting overwhelmed by the other person’s emotions. When someone gets overwhelmed by the other’s emotions, they lose their ability to help or listen as needed. With a narcissistic mother, her empathy is her own emotions gone overboard, drowning out her daughter’s needs.”
Ambiguous loss - someone who is physically present but psychologically absent.
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