Alright, what’s this one about? A Consensus Universe novel, hmm. So, right, okay. The Consensus is a sort of a union of different alien races, like the Federation or the Culture. But we don’t get there right away.
We start with an admirably flowery description of a sun burning, which transitions to some scaly alien types on a ship collecting the solar radiation for their “Exalted Creator”, who is a big old ball of tentacles that shatters you mentally and physically just by communicating with you. The scaly alien types are the Ghav’eol, and while they are kind of the Big Bad of the story (their Flying Spaghetti Monsteresque Exalted Creator notwithstanding), it’s not really the point of the book.
So, here’s where it gets a little bit tricky.
The Ghav’eol and the Exalted Creator are making a super-weapon to blast Earth. Not because of humans, who are basically a non-warp-capable non-member species of the Federation, but because the Nabui are using Earth’s oceans as a kind of retirement home. The Nabui are big old semi-immortal jellyfish things, like the good counterpart of the Exalted Creator thing. The active Nabui out in Consensus space find out about this, and so they send an agent to warn the elderly Nabui about it.
Still with me? We’re just getting started.
They send Nigel, a human Consensus agent. Wait, what? There’s humans out in space? Yes, in fact – there are nth-generation humans out there in the Consensus. But Nigel isn’t one of them, he’s just a regular Dent, although the comparison maybe isn’t that apt. He’s been out among the Consensus for some time, and he’s sort of acclimated, so he’s really more of a Trillian than an Arthur Dent, but his doleful passivity sort of fits. This is our protagonist – but there’s more.
Nigel is kind of a protagonistic triple-threat, sharing a body with Vivian (a young Nabui who basically exists inside him in some gelatinous way) and a “butler suit”, a kind of semi-sentient leech thing that he wears like clothes and which enhances his strength, eats his poops, and probably does other things but those are the best two things. When Nigel is pinged to take care of the Earth situation, he’s not super jazzed about it but Vivian insists he should, because he has unfinished business back there. Indeed, she thinks it’s so important – like, more-important-than-stopping-the-Ghav’eol-from-destroying-Nabui-space-Florida important – that she locks off most of his memories from the time of their meeting to the present. So Nigel arrives back on Earth with his butler suit and no real idea what’s happening, thinking it has just been a few hours since he left Earth. When it has in fact been seven years.
We’re almost there, just a little more.
Turns out, Nigel “left” Earth under pretty wild circumstances. He’d just bumped into Sandra, a high-school crush turned tradwife turned one night stand turned biker chick, and found she had a child who was almost certainly his. In confronting her, he annoyed her biker boyfriend (and others further up the food chain in time), and wound up getting himself thrown off a dam. At this point he was rescued by Vivian, and his life as Arthur Dent began. Now, not remembering anything after the dam, he returns to Earth with his creepy awesome leech suit and a message for the Nabui which he doesn’t really know about, and so then when Sandra picks him up he – and the reader – begin the adventure in earnest.
Bit by bit, the missing pieces are filled in and the strange, terrible life that Sandra and her child have lived after Nigel’s “murder” by the biker gang comes to light. As do the events leading up to Nigel’s departure from Earth, and everything that’s happened since. And somewhere in among the dangerous quest to make things right with his old Earth existence, Nigel also has to – you know – deliver his message to the Nabui so they can stop the aliens from destroying the planet. But it really isn’t the point here.
Sex-o-meter
One relatively sweet one night stand and a whole lot of gang rape and power rape from the criminal mob and their disgusting boss. Not for the faint-hearted, even if it is not explicitly or graphically depicted, it’s there. The book comes with a content warning, which I initially neglected to mention, and it is important to keep in mind. Not because it is persistently loaded with upsetting themes and imagery, but - well, it's there, and it has the potential to be pretty confronting. It's a huge part of the characters' stories, even if it is not a huge part of the narrative text. A Leaving Las Vegas out of a possible Leaving Las Vegas 2: Face/Off Into Las Vegas for Eclipsing the Aurora.
Gore-o-meter
Bashing and stabbing, shooting and gang / mob murder, and a whole heap of physical and psychological and pharmaceutical torture, this is a pretty brutal one even if – again – it’s not super explicit or graphic (except in some cases). Four flesh-gobbets out of a possible five.
WTF-o-meter
Right from the start, the Exalted Creator was a wild and powerful and very cool creation. The alien story, indeed the whole backstory and plot, is woven in and mysterious and fun to read. Perhaps the WTFfiest part of the story, though, is the fact that Sandra keeps saying Nigel’s butler suit and general demeanour is like something out of The X-Files, and Nigel is just kind of “yeah I know” – but he left Earth in 1991, two years before The X Files was even made. Seemed like a missed opportunity to play the culture-shock card to me. A Beach Boys out of a possible Twisted Sister on the WTF-o-meter for this one, and if anyone correctly contextualises that reference, congratulations – you’re probably old enough that you should be booking regular colonoscopies for yourself.
My Final Verdict
This is the kind of unapologetically creative and out-there sci-fi I like. It threads the needle with the main alien plot being essentially an afterthought, and it does it well. There’s very cool ideas and setup, let down a bit by some rough edges in the writing. At first I thought it was kind of dumb that Vivian was entrusting this world-saving mission to a guy she just force-reset to factory settings in the worst possible point in his life, but as the story continued I realised (or at least such was my interpretation) that Nigel’s life and story and closure were as important, to Vivian, as the entire world and the ancient Nabui who lived there (also a bunch of humans), and there was something beautiful and alien and thought-provoking about that. Four stars! Good stuff!