Never Have I Ever Ridden a Bike

by Alice Winters

Steps to making my best friend Lance realize I’m in love with him:

Bake him his favorite desserts.
Stare at him in a seductive way (I think).
Accidently open the neighbor’s mail.
Realize that the neighbor is being held hostage and we’re next.
Why is this list no longer about snagging Lance? Someone, please, send help.
Lance is too handsome to die, I mean… the bad guy’s not really going to kill us, right?
I have a knife so I can protect the man of my dreams.
I don’t know how to use the knife.
I have now stabbed myself with the knife.
How is this easier than telling Lance I love him?

This novella was originally published in the Heart2Heart Vol. 5 anthology, but it has been expanded to include an additional 7k words.

Genres: M M Romance, Romance, Friends To Lovers, Contemporary, Humor, Novella, LGBT

74 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 1, 2022

About the author

Alice Winters started writing stories as soon as she was old enough to turn her ideas into written words. She loves writing a variety of things from romance and comedy to action. She also enjoys reading, horseback riding, and spending time with her pets.

Follow me on Facebook where I put up short stories, teasers, and giveaways: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Alice...

Join my newsletter: https://www.alicewintersauthor.com/

Reviews

[BWT · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun and funny

I could definitely see rereading this, or getting it on audio. I had a lot of fun reading this, Alice Winters' humor just does it for me.

[Evelyn Bella (there WILL be spoilers) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Alice Winters has an Avengers-level lineup of elite twinks who lead their men into the most ruinous situations and I'm now wondering what would happen if they unionized.

Though, to be fair, in this one Lance was a very willing participant. At least the others begrudgingly go along.

Ridiculous unbelievable plot but enjoyable nonetheless.

[Janet (iamltr) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I snorted while reading this...

Ok so, I bought the anthology this story came from but I have not read it yet. Its on my tbr pile and eventually I'll get to it. I'm glad the stories are coming out individually now.

So anyway in here we have a two part story.

The first part is about a day that everything went wrong but Lance finally told Owen that he was into him too since Owen has been in love with his best friend forever. Donny the not so bad guy is funny as heck.

The second part was a year later and these two are getting married. After the night before the wedding dinner, Lance and Owen think that Donny has been kidnapped and set off on a hunt to try to save him as long as its under 2000 to save him. Come to find out the horrible evening was a surprise bachelor party that went wrong.

Like always, this was over the top and funny as heck.

[Natalie H · Rating 3 out of 5]

These two were the definition of stupid couple. It was sweet and I enjoyed it. The fact that secret was already out in the group chat was funny. Donny...I have no clue what to think about Donny. It was full on and a little awkward. After the diamond was returned, it felt like part one was on an early wind-down. Part two was chaotic fun. I felt sorry for the guys, just a little.

[Laina Gruver · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

Such a ridiculously cute friends-to-lovers story! Best friends since childhood, Owen and Lance have had feelings for each other for a while but weren’t sure what to do. A package that mistakenly came to their home is opened and an adventure begins . Trying to outrun men in black and a gun wielding psycho, Own & Lance eventually admit their feelings.

In part 2, Hilarity ensues as they try to save Donny from unknown captives.

****
POV… first person (Owen)

Standalone or series… standalone

Hangover… no

Recommend… yes

Reread… sure

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

So good! Really funny. Short and sweet too. I really needed the giggles

[Kristel (hungryandhappy) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every single page had me rolling on the floor laughing!

[Dolorianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great piece of fun, especially if you are in the right mood or can allow yourself to just go with it. The POV character is a bit frantic, which just amped up the hilarity. And I liked revisiting them in the second short included in this book.

[S a n d r a · Rating 3 out of 5]

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Ridiculous and fun, but I wasn't expecting more. I guess if you don't know where you are getting into, this could feel like a bit too much, but that's Alice's style when she goes fill comedian style lol

I liked their ridiculousness, and this short story (that now has two parts since Alice added words to her original novella) made me laugh so hard.

[Jozey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was like " omg this book sounds so amazing." Short story, seams funny, great plot. And then I started reading it and from the first page I was like: "hum I've read this before." And yes, this novella was part of a heart2heart anthology, but I was pleasantly surprised to discover an AMAZING epilogue. A little sequel to their adventures with Donny and the gang.

[Aimora · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good length for me for Alice Winters. After the first few books, the simar characters and the banter are too much for me.

An amusing friend's to lovers short

[Mina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the most ridiculous, OTT, adorable short story ever!!! Loved all the characters!!! Just a fun fluffy read. 😍

[Elizabeth]

DNF @14%. Not feeling it.

[SJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alice Winters, you are hilarious! I was eating scrambled eggs while reading the scene with Owen trying to stuff the diamond eating cat into a pillowcase to take it on a bus to the vet. I was still chuckling while cleaning off the table. 🤷‍♀️ Owen is a great character and Lance was an amusing straight man to him.
This short story was definitely funny and definitely a pie sweet little romance between best friends and roommates. The bonus story was good, too.
Thanks for the laughs!

[Always Forget · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute, bonkers friends/roommates to lovers as they run away from the bad guys. Nobody is in any real danger, except Owen trying to ride the bike for the first time in his life as an adult.

[Assh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lance et Owen

Colocataire

Histoire pas tres profonde msis rogolote

📖
Étapes pour faire comprendre à mon meilleur ami Lance que je suis amoureuse de lui :
préparez-lui ses desserts préférés.
Regardez-le d'une manière séduisante (je pense).
Ouvrez accidentellement le courrier du voisin.
Sachez que le voisin est pris en otage et nous sommes les suivants.
Pourquoi cette liste ne vise-t-elle plus à accrocher Lance ? Quelqu'un, s'il vous plaît, envoyez de l'aide.
Lance est trop beau pour mourir, je veux dire… le méchant ne va pas vraiment nous tuer, n'est-ce pas ?
J'ai un couteau pour pouvoir protéger l'homme de mes rêves.
Je ne sais pas comment utiliser le couteau.
Je me suis maintenant poignardé avec le couteau.
En quoi est-ce plus facile que de dire à Lance que je l'aime ?
📕

🖋
Lance entre dans l'appartement où il est immédiatement accueilli par notre chat, Thor le Grand Destructeur. Il est comme notre enfant mais sous forme de fourrure. Lorsque nous l'avons adopté, j'ai mis nos deux noms sur les papiers d'adoption pour donner l'impression que nous étions ensemble. J'ai bêtement pensé que c'était une indication étonnante que nous étions censés être ensemble et engendrer ce chat en couple. Lance était inconscient… comme d'habitude.

Lance est un bel homme que je connais depuis que nous sommes en âge de parler. Nous étions attachés à la hanche après avoir eu un petit revers à la maternelle lorsqu'il m'a dit que la coccinelle que je dessinais ressemblait à un scarabée. Ce n'était vraiment pas un si mauvais coup, mais pour moi, mon petit de cinq ans, qui était le plus petit de la classe, c'était la plus grande insulte qui soit.

J'étais convaincu que la seule façon pour lui de comprendre la gravité de la situation était que je saute sur lui et que je lui morde la tête en criant : « C'est une ladybuuuuug !

Après cela, nous étions inséparables. Il a grandi pour devenir ridiculement attirant, ce qui était vraiment ennuyeux quand j'essayais tout ce qui était en mon pouvoir pour prétendre que nous étions les meilleurs amis et rien de plus. Au moins, je ne ressemble plus à un bébé… mais plutôt à un adolescent, ce qui fait que je suis cardé partout où je vais, même à vingt-neuf ans. Lorsque je travaille dans la boulangerie que je possède, on me demande souvent où se trouve le gérant.

"Owen, es-tu encore sur ce forum ?" » demande Lance avec un sourire en coin alors qu'il s'approche pour voir ce que je fais. "

Il scrute mon écran, confirmant pourquoi il était bon que je n'y mette rien d'autre. « Je n’ai jamais fait de vélo ? C'est exact! J'ai oublié que tu n'as jamais appris une des choses les plus simples. Vous ai-je dit que mon neveu de six ans est allé à vélo jusqu'à la boîte aux lettres avec moi l'autre jour ?

Je me déplace sur ma chaise pour pouvoir le regarder. "C'est une zone sans jugement", dis-je en faisant signe à l'ordinateur.

Lance me sourit. "Droite." Puis il m'ébouriffe les cheveux comme si j'étais un chien avant de s'emparer de Thor le Grand Destructeur. Et même si je me fais caresser, cela envoie du désir en moi. L’envie qu’il me caresse ailleurs.

« Étiez-vous le meilleur chaton du monde entier ? roucoule-t-il, ce qui m'amuse toujours quand il mesure au moins six pieds avec des tatouages ​​et porte une veste en cuir. Au moment où ses yeux se posent sur ce chat, il se transforme en bouillie, et Thor le Grand Destructeur adore ça.
🖋

[Miss · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can't predict Alice Winters.

I so needed these laughs. I'm far from reading everything Alice Winters has written, but I love all that I have read. This story, like her others, is just wacky and wild. I haven't yet read the anthology the shorter version of this was originally published in, so I had no idea what to expect from the plot. I knew there would be my kind of humor, awkward flirting, sexy bits and, hopefully, some animal cuteness, but one can never know how this author will weave those things together.

In this case, we get lifelong friends and roommates Owen and Lance who finally move towards being lovers. After Owen accidentally opens a package meant for his neighbor, finds a diamond ring of suspicious provenance that "belongs?" to a man that they find holding their neighbor hostage when they go to give him the package. Their lives are threatened by that same man who barges into their apartment, tears open the package to make sure they didn't take the ring, drops the ring on the floor where they all watch the cat, Thor, swallow it and now the cat's life is in danger. Chaos ensues wherein the bad guy is bribed by pie to give them some time to retrieve the ring once Thor passes it and Owen and Lance come to realize their love for each other while they race to get the ring where it needs to be. And, of course, Donny, the apparent villain ends up besties with the couple and does his part to make sure their wedding will be as memorable as the day they became a couple.

You just can't stop reading this once you start.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarity and love

The first half of this story was a short in a Heart2Heart anthology. It has a pair of friends, one who has always loved the other but been to afraid to say it. Some wild events finally make this come out but it may be too late because suddenly their lives are in danger from people chasing them and who knows what will happen.

This is a classic wild Alice Winters type adventure. The things that happen are truly off the cuff wild and fun and the two men involved are approaching it in ways that are both relatable and completely hilarious. It was a great wild ride.

The second half is a follow up a year later, just before their wedding. Of course, another wild adventure happens. This half is pure humour and is absolutely laugh-so-hard-your-sides-hurt-and-you-may-pee delightfulness. A great short!

[Mella · Rating 4 out of 5]

Owen has been trying to work up the courage to tell Lance he is in love with him, only it's not going so well. And then he opens someone else's mail and it's all downhill from there. But at least he has Lance.

This was utterly ridiculous and completely hilarious. There's not a whole lot of plot or character development and the romance is pretty weak, but this book has one major plus - you won't be able to resist laughing your way through. I was busy giggling and snorting at the sheer absurdity of this plot and these characters. The first part was better than the second. The additional content was alright, but it was kind of all over the place.

A perfect read for when you want some lighthearted amusement. 3.5 stars, rounded to 4 for sheer absurdity.

[Guardian.angel54 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm pretty sure only Alice Winters can write a friends to lovers novella that's only purpose is unadulterated, goofy fun - and absolutely nail it! There is no deep meaning , no societal message, no purpose to this other than to just be crazy, cheesy and hilarious - and I loved it! Is it utterly ridiculous? Why, yes it is, but I didn't care! Sometimes you just need something short and ridiculous and I, for one, enjoyed every over-the-top word! This book is the result of a silly plot prompt from the online group and so it's not to be confused with the author's other works. Take it with a grain of salt and just go with it! It's meant to be cheesy and silly! 😁

[Josephyne · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was the most ridiculous book I think I've ever read. And not in a funny way, where things make you giggle. But more in a cringy and annoying way where you wonder if the blatant bizarre happenings will ever stop (spoiler: they won't). I didn't finish, because I'm Dutch and when I read the part where Owen just gets on a bicycle without ever having cycled before and pretty much just managed to go for it... I just gave up, I was getting way too frustrated. There's a fine line between obviously funny or funnily obvious. And this book is more in the later segment. Not my kind of thing at all and just cringe-worthy and eye-role inducing.

[lk714 · Rating 1 out of 5]

super typical alice winters: snarky characters who see a murderer but focus on the spaghetti stain on his shirt & don't realize the danger etc.
the problem is you grow to like the snark. in this short story, we had no background and then suddenly things are romantic. it just doesn't work in short stories and it was already starting to not work in her longer ones. the best way to read alice winters is to read one set then take a long break and read a different set otherwise you'll be reading it and convinced you've read it before.

[Sarah Baines · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pure Alchemy😂😂😂😂😂

I first read Never Have I Ever Ridden A Bike when it was in the Heart2Heart anthology and I loved it so it was a no-brainer for me when it came up for release - especially as it's an extended version. It's just pure alchemy. Lance and Owen are fun and fabulous and Donny is Leland's long lost brother I swear!! I was crying with laughter so hard at times that i couldn't see. As I said Pure Alchemy.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed the addition of part 2

I originally read this in the Heart2Heart charity anthology and enjoyed its typical Winters manic feel. While Owen isn’t quite Leland he’s got potential to level up it seems! Part 2 which centers around Owen and Lance’s wedding is a fun update.

If you read part one in the anthology it is definitely worth a download for the extra 7000 addition. A fun, quick read.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious! I think this is going to be my go-to book when I need a laugh. Owen cracks me up so much and Lance is just going along for the ride. Loved Thor the Great Destroyer! The bonus scene was a nice addition, it was great seeing them months after the incident. And Donny's shenanigans were so much fun.

[Jeanette Waters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never have I ever read such a ridiculously funny story.... since the last time I picked up an Alice Winters book. The characters are insane. They could definitely use a Leland survival course.
This was such sweet fun. Even the "evil" characters are hilarious. Although Donny's wife is ten times scarier than him! Quick, fun.

[Bella Lucas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Classic Alice Winters banter

I love an Alice Winters couple. The banter she writes between them always makes me laugh. This story was such a wonderful surprise because I was looking for a short read, and I found this one with a classic Alice Winters scenario that didn’t fail to disappoint in the ridiculousness it delivered.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chaotic Courtship?

Pining for your BFF roommate and childhood crush is one thing, but getting involved with a jewel thief who gives sketchy instructions causing you to race around with a yowling cat and said BFF facing your worst fears is an adventure you'll never forget. "Don't open other people's packages."

[isthisakink · Rating 4 out of 5]

I needed this laugh something fierce.

This short was a mess, but it was a cute, sweet, absolutely hilarious mess.

I know when I need something light and lovely, I can trust this author. Even their angsty bits carry a bit of levity to cushion the soul ouchies. But there weren’t any angsty bits here, so no worries if that’s not your thing.

4/5!

[Chloe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Never Have I Ever Ridden A Bike by Alice Winters

💜 Best Friends to Lovers
💜 Quirky & Dramatic MCs
💜 High Humour
💜 A Very Hungry Cat
💜 Novella

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Spice: 🌶️.5
Humour: 🤭🤭🤭🤭.5
Intimacy: 🫂🫂🫂
Angst: 🥺🥺

First person single pov 👀

CW: injury, threat, violence, blood, sick animal