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It's Not About Communication!: Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong
We're Having Problems Communicating. Can Couples Therapy Help?
Yes! Couples therapy can help—but not by teaching you how to communicate. If you and your partner are having trouble, the problem isn't how you're communicating. The problem is what you're communicating.
Written in a relatable, easy to understand and sometimes irreverent style, It's Not About Communication! will not only help you understand the problems you're having--it will help you get on the path to solving them. Whether you're in couples therapy, thinking about it, or want to solve your problems on your own, this book will point you in the right direction.
And if you're a couples therapist yourself, this book will inspire you to work with your clients rather than on them--and help you regain that sense of dedication and purpose that led you to become a therapist in the first place.
Dr. Bruce Chalmer's It's Not About Communication! shows you just what you need from couples therapy. You'll
* Why practicing communication rules and techniques is wasting your time
* How a simple seven-word formula can guide you toward healing, growth, and passionate connection
* Why a mindset of faith—not necessarily religious—is the key to successful couples therapy
* How to decide if your couples therapy is helping—and what to do if it isn't
* Why ideas open possibilities, and ideologies shut down possibilities—and why that's important for couples therapy
* Why your couples therapist's advice is probably useless—and what you really need from your therapist
* Why couples therapy is a lot like improv theater
* Just how Dr. Chalmer structures his first session--which shows you how to set the therapy on a hopeful course right from the start
Whether you're looking to improve your own relationship, or helping others improve theirs, It's Not About Communication! will guide and inspire you.
Yes! Couples therapy can help—but not by teaching you how to communicate. If you and your partner are having trouble, the problem isn't how you're communicating. The problem is what you're communicating.
Written in a relatable, easy to understand and sometimes irreverent style, It's Not About Communication! will not only help you understand the problems you're having--it will help you get on the path to solving them. Whether you're in couples therapy, thinking about it, or want to solve your problems on your own, this book will point you in the right direction.
And if you're a couples therapist yourself, this book will inspire you to work with your clients rather than on them--and help you regain that sense of dedication and purpose that led you to become a therapist in the first place.
Dr. Bruce Chalmer's It's Not About Communication! shows you just what you need from couples therapy. You'll
* Why practicing communication rules and techniques is wasting your time
* How a simple seven-word formula can guide you toward healing, growth, and passionate connection
* Why a mindset of faith—not necessarily religious—is the key to successful couples therapy
* How to decide if your couples therapy is helping—and what to do if it isn't
* Why ideas open possibilities, and ideologies shut down possibilities—and why that's important for couples therapy
* Why your couples therapist's advice is probably useless—and what you really need from your therapist
* Why couples therapy is a lot like improv theater
* Just how Dr. Chalmer structures his first session--which shows you how to set the therapy on a hopeful course right from the start
Whether you're looking to improve your own relationship, or helping others improve theirs, It's Not About Communication! will guide and inspire you.
- GenresSelf Help
162 pages, Paperback
Published January 15, 2023
4 people are currently reading
9 people want to read
About the author
Bruce Chalmer
6 books3 followersDr. Bruce Chalmer has been helping couples for over thirty years. Through his teaching, consulting, and videos about relationships, his ideas have helped thousands of couples and their therapists.
Together with his wife, Judy Alexander, Dr. Chalmer is the host of the Couples Therapy in Seven Words podcast (https://ctin7.com).
Dr. Chalmer's website is https://brucechalmer.com.
Together with his wife, Judy Alexander, Dr. Chalmer is the host of the Couples Therapy in Seven Words podcast (https://ctin7.com).
Dr. Chalmer's website is https://brucechalmer.com.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
March 3, 2023
This is very provocative. I have read a number of relationship books and yet I was continuously presented with new ideas. The author has a podcast and the title of this book stems from his most popular episode, so have a listen to see if this book might help you.
During my 19-year relationship/marriage I have watched many friends divorce and they often cite “communication” as a key problem; this book forces anyone who thinks it’s communication to look sideways as it might actually be something else presenting as a communication issue.
I would also recommend this book to anyone who has felt couples therapy didn’t “work”
I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
During my 19-year relationship/marriage I have watched many friends divorce and they often cite “communication” as a key problem; this book forces anyone who thinks it’s communication to look sideways as it might actually be something else presenting as a communication issue.
I would also recommend this book to anyone who has felt couples therapy didn’t “work”
I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
April 13, 2023
It’s Not About Communication:
Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong
Dr. Bruce Chalmer
Whether you’re a couple seeking help, a couples counselor/therapist or just someone who would like to broaden their horizons this helpful and informational book is for you. I myself have been married for 44 years. In those years there were some troubled times but my husband and I have managed to beat the odds, so when I started the book I didn’t think there would be anything I could use but I was wrong as Dr. Chalmer has some very wise words of wisdom about relationships as he unveils the behind the scenes mysteries of couples therapy.
Some of the more important things I learned in the book is the difference between ideas and ideology in terms of couples therapy and how some therapists can actually make the relationship worse by using strict ideologies and not being open to different solutions ie ideas.
I like that Dr. Chalmer gives examples but the characters are an amalgamation of his patients so if you recognize yourself in this book and were a patient of his it’s a total coincidence.
The other interesting and informative part of Dr. Chalmer’s book is his take on faith in a relationship, now he’s not talking about blind acceptance or religious faith but by simply accepting reality, but read the book for a better explanation.
Finally if you are in couples therapy now and YOU believe it’s helping you and your partner it doesn’t matter if you found that therapist through a friend, your doctor or even if like Dr. Chalmer says, you Google them then it’s worth it.
I highly recommend this book to you if you seek couples therapy and I also recommend his former book Reigniting the Spark another really great book for couples.
Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong
Dr. Bruce Chalmer
Whether you’re a couple seeking help, a couples counselor/therapist or just someone who would like to broaden their horizons this helpful and informational book is for you. I myself have been married for 44 years. In those years there were some troubled times but my husband and I have managed to beat the odds, so when I started the book I didn’t think there would be anything I could use but I was wrong as Dr. Chalmer has some very wise words of wisdom about relationships as he unveils the behind the scenes mysteries of couples therapy.
Some of the more important things I learned in the book is the difference between ideas and ideology in terms of couples therapy and how some therapists can actually make the relationship worse by using strict ideologies and not being open to different solutions ie ideas.
I like that Dr. Chalmer gives examples but the characters are an amalgamation of his patients so if you recognize yourself in this book and were a patient of his it’s a total coincidence.
The other interesting and informative part of Dr. Chalmer’s book is his take on faith in a relationship, now he’s not talking about blind acceptance or religious faith but by simply accepting reality, but read the book for a better explanation.
Finally if you are in couples therapy now and YOU believe it’s helping you and your partner it doesn’t matter if you found that therapist through a friend, your doctor or even if like Dr. Chalmer says, you Google them then it’s worth it.
I highly recommend this book to you if you seek couples therapy and I also recommend his former book Reigniting the Spark another really great book for couples.
February 18, 2023
Dr. Chalmer writes this book for couples and therapists alike. He describes in a matter of fact way, from the "two golden gifts" of stability and intimacy and the seven words that describe couples therapy.
"Being open to new ideas is to be open to intimacy with your surroundings."
The doctor believes that "participants engaged in intimate conversation become a joint mind."
I believe this too. To be married for over 25 years, when half of all marriages end in divorce is a feat of faith, perseverance and love. Managing anxiety is also a big part of being in a relationship.
If you enjoy reading about psychology, relationships and life, you will enjoy this book about couples therapy.
"Being open to new ideas is to be open to intimacy with your surroundings."
The doctor believes that "participants engaged in intimate conversation become a joint mind."
I believe this too. To be married for over 25 years, when half of all marriages end in divorce is a feat of faith, perseverance and love. Managing anxiety is also a big part of being in a relationship.
If you enjoy reading about psychology, relationships and life, you will enjoy this book about couples therapy.
November 17, 2022
Dr. Chalmer has a unique and approachable way of getting his message across that I love. He gives a deeper understanding of the concept of communication by providing real-world examples, questions to give the reader a guided way to think about the material, and references for those who want to explore deeper.
I love how Dr. Chalmer's humor makes what could be a hard to read topic, enjoyable to discover. He parses out the ideas from the ideologies and helps the reader to see through common myths in communication.
I enjoyed this book and look forward to reading his other works.
I love how Dr. Chalmer's humor makes what could be a hard to read topic, enjoyable to discover. He parses out the ideas from the ideologies and helps the reader to see through common myths in communication.
I enjoyed this book and look forward to reading his other works.
December 15, 2023
I was interviewed by Dr. Chalmers on his podcast and decided to read & review his books. Our thoughts align on so many things. Loads of couples have come to me to say they have a “communication” problem and I always cheekily say “no you don’t!” Usually the problem is connection, not communication. Dr. Chalmers explains that so well here & why just following rules won’t work! I also really agree with his assertion that being tied to a fixed ideology (as a therapist or otherwise) is usually not a great strategy! This is a great read, both for couples and also other therapists.
July 21, 2025
Very meaningful.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews