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Man Enough: Fathers, Sons and the Search for Masculinity
How does a boy learn to be a man?
A man learns masculinity primarily from his father. But generations of boys who grow up without caring fathers or male mentors to emulate are left to guess what "men" are really like. They rely on cultural icons--larger-than-life images--as models of masculinity. As a result, they grow up mirroring overblown myths of manhood. Obsessed with being "man enough," they become philanderers, controllers, and competitors--constantly overcompensating for their loss of a true role model, yet sorely unprepared for family life.
In Man Enough , psychiatrist and family therapist Frank Pittman explores what it is like to grow up male today. With great poignancy, humor, and candor, he weaves together case studies from his practice, examples from literature and films, plus personal vignettes from his own experiences as a father to examine these hyper-masculine men and to illustrate how they developed and how they can change. Dr. Pittman asserts that men can move past proving their masculinity and start practicing it by striving with the other guys rather than against them, achieving equality and intimacy with their mates--and by fathering. A man raises himself as he raises children and learns to understand and forgive his parents as he becomes one.
An important book for men and women, Man Enough offers a new approach to issues of commitment, caring and control and creates a positive model for the fathers of tomorrow's men.
A man learns masculinity primarily from his father. But generations of boys who grow up without caring fathers or male mentors to emulate are left to guess what "men" are really like. They rely on cultural icons--larger-than-life images--as models of masculinity. As a result, they grow up mirroring overblown myths of manhood. Obsessed with being "man enough," they become philanderers, controllers, and competitors--constantly overcompensating for their loss of a true role model, yet sorely unprepared for family life.
In Man Enough , psychiatrist and family therapist Frank Pittman explores what it is like to grow up male today. With great poignancy, humor, and candor, he weaves together case studies from his practice, examples from literature and films, plus personal vignettes from his own experiences as a father to examine these hyper-masculine men and to illustrate how they developed and how they can change. Dr. Pittman asserts that men can move past proving their masculinity and start practicing it by striving with the other guys rather than against them, achieving equality and intimacy with their mates--and by fathering. A man raises himself as he raises children and learns to understand and forgive his parents as he becomes one.
An important book for men and women, Man Enough offers a new approach to issues of commitment, caring and control and creates a positive model for the fathers of tomorrow's men.
336 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1993
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
June 16, 2017
The best book I have ever read
Say more about being Son and Dad
Both never crown fully during the life time
searching masculinity and do all Sort of nonsenses
Men never grown fully in their life time
Superb book
must read for every man..
Say more about being Son and Dad
Both never crown fully during the life time
searching masculinity and do all Sort of nonsenses
Men never grown fully in their life time
Superb book
must read for every man..
December 15, 2018
This is rather an anti ''manhood'' book I mean in the way society has brainwashed us how men should behave. Reading this book I didn't unsterstand why someone must have a family and children like the writter proposed. Although you learn a lot about the "false" manhood, the book seems to be a little controversial in some cases. I don't agree on everything this book proposes. Generally, it's a book worth reading.
Read
May 30, 2016Not a superbly written narrative but I like the comments on movies. The author used to write a movie commentary column for a national magazine. Especially touching are the comments on the movie "Field of Dreams". I have two sons 11 and 13 years old. I missed a lot during their growing up and this book teaches about some things to watch for as a father.
December 1, 2025
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Feelings about the book:
- Sometimes, you need to read some words of wisdom and in Frank Pittman’s book, Man Enough: Fathers, Sons, and the Search for Masculinity, he does just that, for the most part.
Premise/Plot:
- Man Enough was published in 1993 by Pittman, a psychiatrist and family therapist, whose aim in this book is to use the knowledge he has acquired to talk about masculinity. He stated in the book that the death of a loved one really drove him more into exploring masculinity.
- Pittman admits his own downfalls and shares that people have called him out on his masculine worldview at times. Pittman goes over stereotypes and archetypes of men, and what happens to men when they embrace certain types of masculinities.
- This isn’t a book that looks at statistics relating to men and drawing conclusions from them etc. This is more of a sit down and talk about manhood with an elder statesman type of book. That really works with the stories Pittman tells and the flow of his writing.
- It’s very easy to follow but it is clear that Pittman really wants to guide men to become better people. Pittman is direct with his message, and it’s a cross between flowery prose, subtle motivational speak and bite-sized self-help kind of language, you know?
Themes:
- Fatherhood's joys and struggles, the good, bad and the ugly of masculinity, emotional development, generational differences, male identity, competition and vulnerability, high expectations placed on men, healing and more
Pros:
- Pittman sprinkles into this book what healthy men and masculinity looks like from people he knows. Mainly his male friends, sons and nephews. When it comes to the latter, Pittman expresses how proud he is of the next generation because they are better than his generation was.
- Chapter 3 - contenders is a really good chapter. Pittman breaks down archetypes when it comes to masculine competition. He also provides some insight into where he fits in. But this doesn’t dominate the chapter, he just mentions it.
- Pittman spends this chapter going through very familiar competitive scenarios. What I found quite interesting was the focus on the outcomes. Which I think was important. Pittman does state that there are men out there playing competitive games to try and make up for games they lost in their childhood. This is very relatable.
Cons:
- Halfway through the book Pittman talks about the rise and fall of patriarchy. But it is hollow and doesn’t offer anything of value. Pittman’s strength lies in his storytelling of patients he has (and has not) treated.
- Deep analysis isn’t what this book is for nor is it what it is trying to do. But it possibly should have. Especially when it comes to important concepts to masculinity like patriarchy. The relationship between them isn’t explored explicitly, which is a shame.
Quotes:
‘Some women are so angry about what they see as unequal power differentials between men and women that they deny having any power at all: they may assume men have taken the power and must give it back. Consequently, they emotionally mutilate any man they encounter, to get back at him for being so powerful.’
‘For a man who depends on women to define his masculinity, a woman is a dangerous and powerful foe.’
‘Fatherless, he has wasted his life trying to win an adult victory to repair his sense of not being a boyhood success.’
‘It is painful to realise that men can't go back and win the contests they lost as boys. Those games are over, and they exist only in the minds of the losers. The winners of those contests may be thinking about later contests they themselves lost.’
‘Therapists came along to assure the world that the problem was the family, and that the family must be sacrificed for the sake of everyone’s mental health, narcissism, and sexual freedom.’
“Your friends aren’t necessarily the people you do things with, your friends are the people who know you too well and like you anyway.”
‘The game itself may not be very important, but the relationships are, and the men who fret over winning and losing like spoiled, insecure children are missing the point of the game. The game is not a competition to see who is the better man; the better man is the one who holds the team together while the boys compete.’
‘There are men who don’t understand the battle over women’s rights because to them women have all the power that matters: the power to define a man’s worth as a man.’
Feelings about the book:
- Sometimes, you need to read some words of wisdom and in Frank Pittman’s book, Man Enough: Fathers, Sons, and the Search for Masculinity, he does just that, for the most part.
Premise/Plot:
- Man Enough was published in 1993 by Pittman, a psychiatrist and family therapist, whose aim in this book is to use the knowledge he has acquired to talk about masculinity. He stated in the book that the death of a loved one really drove him more into exploring masculinity.
- Pittman admits his own downfalls and shares that people have called him out on his masculine worldview at times. Pittman goes over stereotypes and archetypes of men, and what happens to men when they embrace certain types of masculinities.
- This isn’t a book that looks at statistics relating to men and drawing conclusions from them etc. This is more of a sit down and talk about manhood with an elder statesman type of book. That really works with the stories Pittman tells and the flow of his writing.
- It’s very easy to follow but it is clear that Pittman really wants to guide men to become better people. Pittman is direct with his message, and it’s a cross between flowery prose, subtle motivational speak and bite-sized self-help kind of language, you know?
Themes:
- Fatherhood's joys and struggles, the good, bad and the ugly of masculinity, emotional development, generational differences, male identity, competition and vulnerability, high expectations placed on men, healing and more
Pros:
- Pittman sprinkles into this book what healthy men and masculinity looks like from people he knows. Mainly his male friends, sons and nephews. When it comes to the latter, Pittman expresses how proud he is of the next generation because they are better than his generation was.
- Chapter 3 - contenders is a really good chapter. Pittman breaks down archetypes when it comes to masculine competition. He also provides some insight into where he fits in. But this doesn’t dominate the chapter, he just mentions it.
- Pittman spends this chapter going through very familiar competitive scenarios. What I found quite interesting was the focus on the outcomes. Which I think was important. Pittman does state that there are men out there playing competitive games to try and make up for games they lost in their childhood. This is very relatable.
Cons:
- Halfway through the book Pittman talks about the rise and fall of patriarchy. But it is hollow and doesn’t offer anything of value. Pittman’s strength lies in his storytelling of patients he has (and has not) treated.
- Deep analysis isn’t what this book is for nor is it what it is trying to do. But it possibly should have. Especially when it comes to important concepts to masculinity like patriarchy. The relationship between them isn’t explored explicitly, which is a shame.
Quotes:
‘Some women are so angry about what they see as unequal power differentials between men and women that they deny having any power at all: they may assume men have taken the power and must give it back. Consequently, they emotionally mutilate any man they encounter, to get back at him for being so powerful.’
‘For a man who depends on women to define his masculinity, a woman is a dangerous and powerful foe.’
‘Fatherless, he has wasted his life trying to win an adult victory to repair his sense of not being a boyhood success.’
‘It is painful to realise that men can't go back and win the contests they lost as boys. Those games are over, and they exist only in the minds of the losers. The winners of those contests may be thinking about later contests they themselves lost.’
‘Therapists came along to assure the world that the problem was the family, and that the family must be sacrificed for the sake of everyone’s mental health, narcissism, and sexual freedom.’
“Your friends aren’t necessarily the people you do things with, your friends are the people who know you too well and like you anyway.”
‘The game itself may not be very important, but the relationships are, and the men who fret over winning and losing like spoiled, insecure children are missing the point of the game. The game is not a competition to see who is the better man; the better man is the one who holds the team together while the boys compete.’
‘There are men who don’t understand the battle over women’s rights because to them women have all the power that matters: the power to define a man’s worth as a man.’
February 15, 2019
I read this book 18 years ago. I need to read it again to give my updated review.
September 16, 2019
Neat book! It's more than a couple of decades old at this point, which, when it comes to parenting/gender issues, means it might as well be 1000 years old, but it's more interesting for it.
July 11, 2014
I like the way it's written. It's light and the topics are all flowing to another.
But I mainly picked it up hoping it would tell me what I can do to feel like a complete man. I finished reading and don't feel I got my curiosity satisfied yet. For example it talks about comraderi among boys but it doesn't talk about the situation where other ppl around you are not following the brotherhood laws mentioned here.
But I mainly picked it up hoping it would tell me what I can do to feel like a complete man. I finished reading and don't feel I got my curiosity satisfied yet. For example it talks about comraderi among boys but it doesn't talk about the situation where other ppl around you are not following the brotherhood laws mentioned here.
June 21, 2008
this book was all right. the author repeated himself a lot, and the book is obviously dated.
he leaves room for a lot of different kinds of masculinity and has some interesting things to say about fathers and fatherhood. i think the book is a bit shallow, though, and doesn't delve very deeply into the core of masculinity.
he leaves room for a lot of different kinds of masculinity and has some interesting things to say about fathers and fatherhood. i think the book is a bit shallow, though, and doesn't delve very deeply into the core of masculinity.
January 14, 2015
Absolutely essential for every man who has issues around being a husband/father/mentor.......
Multiple marriages?
Trouble relating to men?
Unable to find a way of relating to women from a masculine perspective without diminishing her or avoiding communication?
READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lot of great wisdom for women who have struggled as well...........
Multiple marriages?
Trouble relating to men?
Unable to find a way of relating to women from a masculine perspective without diminishing her or avoiding communication?
READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lot of great wisdom for women who have struggled as well...........
June 5, 2008
A mildly interesting book on the meaning of masculinity. I agree with much of it, but then, it didn't really tell me much I didn't already know. Not something I'd recommend, but then, nothing I would warn others away from reading. Meh.
August 9, 2011
This is the first book I read focused on the study of gender. I found the perspectives and analysis quite interesting and expect to return for another read sometime in the future when I've got more life under my belt.
March 1, 2010
I absolutely enjoyed this one! I've learned to appreciate masculinity from a brand new perspective.. It's also quite humorous, personal and informative.
I'd recommend this to anyone :-)
I'd recommend this to anyone :-)
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews