Sensitive: The Power of a Thoughtful Mind in an Overwhelming World

by Jenn Granneman, Andre Sólo

A ground-breaking look at the power of sensitivity to transform our relationships, career and life, from world-leading experts. Do you have a heightened sense of empathy? Do you often notice details that others ignore? Do you ever feel overwhelmed in a busy, loud environment? If you answered yes to any of those questions, chances are you're a 'highly sensitive person', along with one fifth of the population. Highly sensitive people exemplify our most humane traits. They embody not just emotional sensitivity - qualities like empathy, kindness, and concern for strangers - but physical sensitivity too, processing all information very deeply. Our modern loud and harsh world wasn't built for highly sensitive people, but their unique strengths make them inspiring leaders, heartfelt caretakers, careful decision-makers and natural-born artists. Sensitive will shatter the myth that being sensitive is a weakness and celebrate the power of a deeper, more tuned-in mind. Offering a new way of unlocking potential, it will give sensitives - and those who care about them - the tools to be successful in school, work, life and love. Based on more than twenty years of research in neuroscience, psychology, and human genetics, it will be the first book to explore the science of sensitivity. Sensitivity exists on a continuum and we're all sensitive to a degree. This book will reveal the power of embracing a soft heart in a harsh world and teach every sensitive to thrive.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Mental Health, Personal Development, Audiobook, Health

260 pages, Paperback

First published February 28, 2023

About the author

Jenn Granneman is on a mission: to let introverts everywhere know it’s okay to be who they are. She has advocated for introverts since 2013, when she created IntrovertDear.com, the popular online community and publication for introverts. For most of her life, she felt weird, different, and out of place because of her quiet ways; now, she writes about introversion because she doesn’t want other introverts to feel the way she did. Jenn lives in Minnesota, and no, she doesn't want to go out this weekend.

Reviews

[Catherine (alternativelytitledbooks) - slumping again.. :( · Rating 3 out of 5]

**Many thanks to NetGalley, Harmony, and Jenn Granneman and Andre Solo for an ARC of this book!**

"Oh, please be careful with me
I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way"-Jewel

Jenn Granneman and Andre Solo unite to discuss the mental, physical, and emotional ramifications of being sensitive in an endlessly loud (and unrelenting) fast-paced world. While most people associate sensitivity strictly in terms of feeling too much, these authors take the time to explore the overall effect of being prone to sensitivity. One in three people actually fall into this category, so much like Cain's book on Introverts, these two hope to bring some 'normalcy' to being sensitive and the positive potential that sometimes lies dormant in discussions of this characteristic.

Sensitive people have 5 specific gifts including empathy, sensory intelligence, depth of processing, and depth of emotion. If those around the sensitive person are able to identify this trait and feed into it, the sensitive person's ability to think and feel so deeply can be a asset rather than a liability. Sensitive people also can become overstimulated easily, so it's essential that the sensitive person knows their own limits and holds to their own boundaries for optimal mental and physical health. Sensitive people are also susceptible to a boost effect, where any extra effort in terms of recognition, praise, etc. can help them to skyrocket past others in terms of success, whether in building relationships or a career.

These two authors just so happen to run an online community called "Sensitive Refuge" where many like minded sensitive folk can come to commiserate over shared experience...and I have to be honest, in some ways this book felt like a ploy just to get people to go check out their online presence. There are plenty of quotes and lived experience from their members throughout, which could be interesting but at times also felt a bit redundant and like filler. Many non fiction self help books utilize examples of famous people or famous stories to sell a point or make the topic relatable...but the amount of time these two spent talking about the sensitive side of Bruce Springsteen was a bit much for me personally. (I mean, at least they shared a quote where Bruce himself acknowledges he doesn't have much of a singing voice...but I took more from this admission than the sensitive backstory the authors shared! 🙈)

While I found this book to be informative overall, I think it also struggled in differentiating between sensitive people and empaths (at times) and since EVERYONE seems to classify themselves as an empath these days, I think this was a missed opportunity to draw a clear distinction between the two. I wanted to leave this read feeling empowered and knowing whether I could identify aspects of my sensitive nature to harness or reel in, but I think this book just tends to point to sensitives as feeling and thinking too much ALWAYS, and if that's the case, I'm not sure where I land.

I appreciate what these two sensitive authors were trying to do and there is plenty of interesting information here if you're willing to sift through it...however, I think at the end of the day I found I prefer the Quiet: or at least, Susan Cain's kind of Quiet.

3.5 stars

[Cari · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me feel seen. I've always known that I'm a highly sensitive person, but the quiz in the first chapter made me understand just how many of my behaviors are attached to that. Sensitivity is not just a mindset - it's part of living, whether it's from dealing with loud noises or absorbing other people's feelings. My son is also an HSP, and I am trying to make sure he grows up with support instead of falling prey to "the Toughness Myth," as the authors describe it. Since he is a boy, he will have to deal with that even more than I had to. This book is really important for both HSP and their loved ones. Being highly sensitive is not a hindrance--we have many strengths that keep us attuned to other people. We feel more deeply and sink into a creative flow more easily. While there were some sections I had to skim because I knew the content, some people will be exposed to it for the first time (mindfulness being key). Mindfulness has been a big part of my recovery from the Toughness Myth and with handling my depression and strong feelings.

[capnlagoon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pros
- Good practical tips for combatting overstimulation, creating accommodations for yourself at home and at work, relationships and turning empathy to compassion
- Really interesting and comprehensive information on the concept of sensitive people, the neurological differences between sensitive people and others, and the role of DNA versus environment (turns out to be 47% and 53% respectively).
- Strong conclusion
- Overall, relatable, usable and refreshing. I am glad I read this book and I feel confident that the knowledge is has given me will help me better understand myself and make accommodations in my life to center my strengths and honor my needs.

Cons
- Felt a bit like a trek… somewhat long and arduous. I am unsure if this is due to being dense, or overwritten… but I do think the pacing is off because of wonky chapter organization and it was difficult to push through.
- Not all of the sections felt necessary for this book and I feel would have been better suited in a more narrowly-focused book, such as the section on raising sensitive kids. As a grown-up sensitive kid, it was vindicating to have it confirmed that I had different needs as a sensitive kid and they were not met and I was mistreated, so for that it was somewhat valuable to me.
- Seemed almost excessively and unevenly positive about high sensitivity and praising it as a superpower, which lost me a little bit and turned me off. Yet, I do understand why they chose to write the book this way, because they want to combat the prevalent and pervasive stigma of anti-sensitivity in popular culture.
- Some of the section on job crafting felt like “do more labor for the same amount of pay, trust me bro, you’ll love it” but maybe that’s just me.

My biggest issue…
This book does a poor and unconvincing job of differentiating between highly-sensitive people and autistic people. All of the described traits highly sensitive people (and especially highly sensitive children) have are common autistic traits. The accommodations they benefit from are the same accommodations autistic adults and children benefit from. I have so many annotations that were basically just “this is autism”, “how is this not autism”, and “say it’s anything but autism challenge impossible”. Yet, the authors swear they’re different, and the only real argument as to why (that I recall) comes down to certain patterns of activation in certain regions of the sensitive brain which were not observed in autistic brains. This is full of holes to me. How did they select which autistic brains to use? If I had to guess, it would be diagnosed autistic people, which tend to be autistic people who are more overtly/visibly and stereotypically autistic, which tend to be white men — so it is very possible that only one type of autistic brain is being compared here. That’s a problem because autism is a spectrum and manifests differently in different populations, and there is no (as far as I am aware) one autistic cognitive or neurological profile. That’s why it isn’t diagnosable via brain scan. Furthermore, do the authors have any real education on or knowledge of autism in adults, or are they operating off the knowledge most people have on autism — which is to say, very little and usually incorrect. I feel like there’s ableism possibly at play here as well.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was really interesting. It gave both a personal and a research based approach. The book wasn’t too technical, making accessible to the lay reader. I learned a good bit about myself and how I approach the world and relationships in it that I had never realized came from being sensitive. I feel stronger after reading this book! I received a free advanced copy of this book from NetGalley.

[Mikala · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made so much sense.

Chapter 6 WOW. Everything said here.

Takeaways:

I'm a person who constantly apologizes to others, or minimizes my feelings, with the caveat of being "too sensitive". I make myself small and put others feelings before my own and in the long run I end up alone and with out any true friends around me because I felt like I was "too sensitive", took things "too seriously", had "too many feelings" and it was my fault that I was just "too sensitive".

This read has come at a really important time in my life where I am in the midst of a personal soul shift in which I'm realizing that being "sensitive" isn't something to constantly apologize for or use as an excuse to let others have power over me. I'm realizing being sensitive is a gift and something that makes me an empathetic friend and listener and extremely attuned to the feelings of others. I care about how I made others feel and I also never forget how others made ME feel.

I truly feel like this book is finding me at a pivotal moment in my life and consciously helping me get to know myself better and realize that who I am is not something to apologize for.

[Karen Ng · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Sensitivity is defined as the ability to perceive, process, and respond deeply to one's environment. This ability happens at two levels: (1) perceiving information from the senses and (2) thinking about that information thoroughly or finding many connections between it and other other memories, knowledge, or ideas."

[Jen Brodehl · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 Stars- What an amazing and informative tribute to highly sensitive people. If you are sensitive or anyone you know and love is sensitive, this is a must read. It has so much valuable information and tips and tricks for those living with all kinds of sensitivities. I’m so happy I found this book, it so validating and resourceful!

[Aurimas Gudas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenn Granneman ir Andre Sólo knyga „Jautrūs žmonės: kaip jautrumą paversti stiprybe“. Knygą parašė du jautrūs sutuoktiniai. Knyga skirta 3-jų skaitytojų kategorijoms: jautriems žmonėms, kurie jau žino arba nežino apie savo jautrumą ir nejautriems žmonėms, kad geriau suprastų jautriuosius. Apie jautrumą galima rašyti daug ir plačiai, bet pirmiausia reikia rašyti apie jautrumo privalumus, nes daugybė žmonių jautrumą laiko trūkumu, našta ar netgi prakeikimu. Pateikiu labiausiai patikusias ištraukas:
Žvelgdami į funkciniu magnetiniu rezonansu (fMRI) darytas nuotraukas, jie pastebi skirtumus jautrių žmonių smegenyse, o atlikdami mokslinius tyrimus išskiria jautrių žmonių elgesį bei galingus jautrumo pranašumus.
Aplenkęs laiką (Georgas Simmelis) tvirtino, kad žmonės turi ribotą kiekį psichikos energijos - dabar žinome, kad tai daugiau ar mažiau tiesa - ir dirgiklių kupina aplinka jos ryja gerokai daugiau.
Tiesą sakant, žodį jautrus net vertėtų pakeisti žodžiu reaguojantis. Jei esate jautrus, jūsų kūnas ir protas stipriau jaučia supantį pasaulį. Stipriau reaguojate į širdgėlą, skausmą ir netektį, bet taip pat ir į grožį, naujas idėjas bei džiaugsmą. Neriate gilyn ten, kur kiti pračiuožia paviršiumi. Nepaliaujate galvoti, nors kiti nuleidę rankas keliauja prie kitų reikalų.
Taigi jei dažnai panyrate j apmąstymus apie kokią nors idėją, įvykį ar patirtį, nors kiti jau seniausiai tai būna pamiršę, galbūt esate jautrus asmuo.
Kuo aukštesnis žmogaus IQ, tuo didesnė tikimybė, kad jis pasižymės ir itin jautriems asmenims būdingais bruožais.
Kitaip tariant, kuo jautresnis esate, tuo daugiau gaunate iš bet kokios patirties - tiek geros, tiek blogos - ir tai iš esmės priklauso nuo jūsų genų.
Psichoterapeutai tvirtina, kad bet kokio amžiaus jautrūs žmonės daro didesnę pažangą ir iš kiekvieno terapijos seanso pasisemia daugiau naudos. Suaugę jautrūs žmonės net gali būti atsparesni stresui nei mažiau jautrūs, nors atrodytų, kad turėtų būti priešingai.
Tad jautrūs žmonės turi potencialo itin stipriai paveikti pasaulį, jei tik išmoks, kaip efektyviai panaudoti savo empatiją.
Jautraus menininko įvaizdis neveltui tapo kliše: jis grįstas tiesa. Protas, pastebintis daugiau smulkmenų, mezgantis daugiau ryšių ir gyvai jaučiantis emocijas, - kone tobulai pritaikytas kūrybiškumui. Tai nereiškia, kad visi jautrūs žmonės yra kūrėjai, bet dauguma kūrėjų iš tiesų yra jautrūs žmonės - šitai gali patvirtinti bet kas, kam yra tekę su jais dirbti.
Šis kūrybiškumas nefunkcionuoja vienas. Jis paremtas trimis kitomis jautrumo nulemtomis dovanomis: jutiminiu intelektu, nuodugniu informacijos apdorojimu bei emocijų gilumu — būtent šie trys komponentai kartu sudaro kūrybišką protą.
Taigi visi turime tam tikrą dirginimo slenkstį ir visi siekiame, kad tas kibiras būtų pripildytas iki tam tikros optimalios ribos, kad dirgiklių nebūtų nei per ma��ai, nei per daug.
Jei kada esate pasakęs, kad jaučiatės perdegęs arba daugiau nebegalite, veikiausiai jau kurį laiką patiriate pernelyg stipru dirginimą. Nuovargis taip pat yra nuolatinio pernelyg stipraus dirginimo požymis: jeigu visada jaučiatės pavargę - net tada, kai pailsite, - gali būti, kad jūsų nervų sistema pertempta. Kaip sakoma, tai toks nuovargis, kurio net miegas neišvaiko.
Už humorą atsakinga prefrontalinė smegenų žievė, ta pati smegenų dalis, kurią veikia ir pernelyg stiprus dirginimas. Kitaip tariant, neįmanoma vienu metu juoktis iš pokšto ir įausti, kad visko darosi per daug.
Dėmesys - tai lyg šviesa, vienus dalykus apšviečianti, o kitus paliekanti tamsoje.
Pasak Snow, kai vengiame konflikto, kitas žmogus taip niekada ir negauna progos pažinti tikrojo jūsų. Artimieji taip ir nesužino, ką galvojate, kas jus trikdo ar kaip iš tiesų jaučiatės. Gal atrodo keista, bet konfliktai iš tiesų santykius stiprina, nes išmokstame spręsti problemas ir palaikyti vienas kitą sudėtingomis akimirkomis.
„Narcizai ar toksiški žmonės puikiai moka priversti mus abejoti savimi ir savo nuojauta, — perspėja Martin.
Nemažai daliai jautrių žmonių puikiai sekasi su globa susiję darbai, pavyzdžiui, psichoterapeuto, mokytojo, gydytojo, slaugytojo, dvasininko, vaikų ar senelių globėjo, masažuotojo arba koučerio.
Jautriems žmonėms puikiai sekasi ir su kūryba susijusios profesijos, pavyzdžiui, rašymas, muzika ar menai.
Elaine Aron, tyrėja, sukūrusi terminą itin jautrus asmuo, teigia: „jūs gimėte būti tarp patarėjų ir mąstytojų, dvasinių ir moralinių mūsų visuomenės vedlių. Todėl tikrai turite kuo didžiuotis.“

[Millie Barrow · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book hit me hard.

I’ve always had an internal battle with myself being ‘too sensitive’. This in particular peaked when I started my art practice and discovered feminism. I’d have conversations with friends and often be told ‘You’re overreacting’, ‘You take everything so seriously and personally’, ‘It’s just a joke, calm down’ and I always listened to them, despite the discomfort it caused me which I’ve swallowed for years.

This book has helped me realise that that sensitive side of me, the part I’m coming to love most about myself is actually my super power. Just because I think deeply about the world and others, doesn’t mean I should be shamed for that. Surely that’s the goal for our community? To care and be compassionate for one another. Isn’t that what great leadership is and love?

This book has truly validated emotions I have been suppressing for years. I know I still have a lot of work to do to believe in my sensitive self, but this has given me the tools to start.

To all my friends who have been told ‘You’re overreacting’, we’re not. We’re just deep, compassionate thinkers in the world and that’s our super power 💜

[Abigail Moreshead · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't read this book cover-to-cover; I chose the chapters that seemed most relevant/interesting. Some of this was information I learned in Elaine Aron's much older book on the same topic, which I read portions of years ago, but it was still very empowering to read this and to gain a greater understanding of what it means to be an HSP (which I fit almost all the characteristics of, as listed in the book). The chapter on careers helped me understand that my high degree of sensitivity is one of the reasons why I have made the career choices I have, even if I did not understand that it was a factor at the time. Overall, this book feels very validating to those of us who need more time and space to process the world and who want to be valued for our depth and creativity rather than our ability to "keep up" with the rest of our "loud fast too-much world."

[Courtney]

I think I unconsciously had high expectations for this book. I didn’t learn anything new. It just felt flat. I’m a big fan of Sensitive Refuge and both authors seem absolutely lovely. I can’t let myself give it a bad rating.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book describes me perfectly! It helped me understand why I am the way I am. This book enabled me to see the advantages of being sensitive instead of viewing it as a shortcoming. I also appreciated all of the practical suggestions and advice in the book. Highly recommend!

[Caro Cárdenas Castro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Soy una persona altamente sensible y este libro me ha ayudado a reconocerlo y abrazar ese ser que soy.
Me siento más fuerte al entender cómo mis diferencias me han hecho poderosa en mis diferentes roles.
Un libro recomendadísimo para aquellos que han sido etiquetados como sensibles, para personas interesadas en aprender más sobre otros con sensibilidad emocional y para psicólogos que quieren mejorar en su entendimiento de personas con reacciones emocionales más intensas de lo habitual.

[Blossom Machado · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you're picking this up for yourself: you probably already know more about yourself than this can teach you. It's pretty corny and uses some anecdotal evidence to help readers relate to other sensitive people. Might make you feel "less alone," I guess. I think reading The Highly Sensitive Person, the book with the actual research on sensitivity, is more useful.

If you're reading this for someone else: you might gain some understanding of how sensitive people think. This could serve as a basis for understanding and communicating with your loved one. It has some checklists and stuff that might help.

Overall, kinda corny. Didn't love the way sensitivity was labeled a "superpower." I also didn't love that they just made claims that certain people are highly sensitive. Like, Jefferson?? Thomas Jefferson is a highly sensitive person?? Did he tell you that???

I'll give it a 2 because it might help other people, I guess. I think I'm just not a self-help girly.

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I told my friend who works with psychologists that I was reading a book about Highly Sensitive People, and he said he thinks the way we categorize people is wrong, lol. While HSP may not be a medical diagnosis, I found this book super insightful for seeing my sensitivity as strength. Throughout my life, I have felt too sensitive for this world, but Sensitive helped me understand, in the right setting, I can really thrive as a sensitive person. And hey, considering in which setting a person thrives may be a helpful consideration for all people, not only HSPs.

[Brianna Schwartz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt so heard by these authors. I can't count the amount of times that people have said I'm sensitive, in different ways. And with it came a level of shame.

But this book normalizes high sensitivity; 1 in 3 people have varying levels of sensitivity.

I learned that it's genetic (checks out, father) and with some tools, can be your greatest strength. Definitely gives me a lot to think about.

[Katrina Sark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chapter 1 – Sensitivity: Stigma or Superpower?
p.38 – Not Just Artists and Geniuses – Sensitivity, then, is a normal part of life. All humans – and even animals – are sensitive to their environment to some degree.
Like other traits, sensitivity is a continuum, and everyone falls somewhere along it, from low to average to high sensitivity. All three categories are considered normal, healthy traits.
p.39 – Being sensitive, in other words, isn’t some rare fluke, reserved only for artists and geniuses. It’s about one out of every three people in every city, workplace, and school.
p.50 – An Evolutionary Advantage – Scientists believe it’s an evolutionary advantage, one that helps organisms survive in a variety of environments.
p.61 – High Intelligence Meets high Empathy – the deep processing that a sensitive mind does is so valuable that sensitivity is often linked to brilliance. […] most gifted individuals are highly sensitive.
p.62 – To be sensitive means to think deeply in any situation, so high sensitivity leads to innovation in science and good leadership in business. The more sensitive a person is, the more connections they see – connections that others tend to miss.
Chapter 2 – The Sensitive Boost Effect
p.92 – Three Types od Sensitivity – Low sensory threshold: You are sensitive to information you take in through your senses, such as sights, smells, sounds, and textures. Or as we like to say, you are a super sensor.
• You feel tired or are quickly overwhelmed in crowded or busy places.
• You have strong reactions to small amounts of caffeine, alcohol, medication, or other substances.
• You feel very bothered by loud noises (like alarm bells or shouting), scratchy or uncomfortable textures (like a wool sweater), or bright lights.
• You are sensitive to slight changes in temperature, such as when a room is a little too warm or cold.
p.93 – Ease of excitation: You easily respond to emotional stimuli, both from inside yourself and from others. You are a super feeler. This type of sensitivity often comes with an innate ability to read people, but it also means you may stress over details or struggle more with painful emotions.
• You easily absorb other people’s moods and emotions.
• You need lots of downtime to calm your nervous system and recharge your energy.
• You feel stressed or frazzled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time.
• You get hangry (hungry + angry) easily.
• You have a low pain tolerance.
• You try hard to avoid making mistakes (to avoid embarrassment or shame).
• You jump easily (have a high startle reflex)
Aesthetic sensitivity: You pay close attention to details in your surroundings, especially artistic details. You are an aesthete, someone who has a special appreciation of art and beauty.
• You are deeply moved by music, poetry, artwork, novels, movies, TV shows, and plays – or a nicely decorated room or a striking scene in nature.
• You have a strong appreciation for delicate scents or tastes.
• You notice small details that others miss.
• You know what needs to be changed to improve an uncomfortable environment.
• You have a rich, imaginative inner world.
Chapter 3 – The Five Gifts of Sensitivity (empathy, creativity, sensory intelligence, depth of processing and depth of emotion)
p.136 – The Foundation of Human Progress – As powerful as empathy is, it does more then drive human morality. In many ways, it’s also key to human achievement. That’s because innovation is mostly a group activity – it requires the exchange of ideas, and empathy is the lubricant for that exchange.
p.138 – Creativity – A mind that notices more detail, makes more connections, and feels emotion vividly is almost perfectly wired for creativity.
p.139 – People with the short SERT gene linked to sensitivity were more creative on all measures.
p.140 – Arthur Koestler in the late 1960s believed that true creativity arises when you blend two or more different frames of reference.
p.141 – Wired to make connections between vastly different concepts, the sensitive mind can blend frames of reference without ever leaving home. Sensitive people are perhaps the ultimate polymaths, thinking not in terms of science or poetry or lived experience or hopes and dreams, but in terms of the themes that run across them all. Many sensitive people speak this way, too, readily offering metaphors and linking different topics to make a point.
p.142 – Creativity doesn’t operate alone. It is built on the next three gifts of sensitivity – sensory intelligence, depth of processing, and depth of emotion – which together add up to a creative mind.
p.144 – Sensory Intelligence means being more aware of your environment and doing more with that knowledge.
p.146 – This unique form of intelligence is the flip side of overstimulation. Sensitive people can certainly become overloaded in busy environments, because they’re takin in so much more of their surroundings.
p.150 – Depth of Processing – Sensitive people don’t just take in more information; they do more with it.
p.154 – Depth of Emotion – Sensitive people really do have, on average, stronger emotional reactions than others do. If you are someone with stronger emotions, then anger, hurt, and sadness can be intense experiences for you. At times they can even overwhelm you. But your deep and powerful emotions also mean you are fluent in a language that some other people struggle to speak. That is a master key to the human spirit.
p.157 – Emotional intelligence is a skill, not something people are born with.
p.158 – Strong emotions come with other benefits, too. For one, they deepen relationships.
Chapter 4 – Too Much, Too Loud, Too Fast
p.179 – Sensitive people have a nervous system that is more responsive to certain stimuli.
p.180 – Drive, Threat, Soothe – When you’re overstimulated, it can feel as though your body is under attack. You might experience racing thoughts, muscle tension, intense panic or anger, and an overwhelming desire to escape the situation. Clinical psychologist Paul Gilbert calls this state Threat mode. [���] He believes we use three basic systems – Drive, Threat, and Soothe – to regulate all our emotions. Learning to pay attention to which emotion system you may be using in any given situation can help you keep it in check.
p.181 – Threat is our most powerful system because it has the greatest ability to seize control of the brain. […] Associated with the fight or flight response, or what psychologist and author Daniel Goleman calls an “amygdala hijack,” the Threat system is always on, scanning our environment for hazards, whether it’s a bus speeding toward us or a significant other not returning our texts.
p.182 – When you feel fear, anger, or anxiety, you’ve entered Threat mode.
The Drive system makes us feel good when we obtain resources and achieve goals. You’re in Drive mode when you complete items on your to-do list, ask for a raise at work, buy a new house or car, go out, go out with friends, or swipe through dating apps. […] in our too-much culture, Drive can spiral into an insatiable quest of “never enough.” With this spiral, notes Gilbert, “people become absolutely obsessed with achieving, having, doing, and owning, and can start to feel like failures if they don’t.”
p.183 – Because of the powerful nature of Threat and Drive, we’re at our happiest when we keep these two systems in check, using them only on a part-time basis. Unfortunately, and without realizing it, most of us spend the majority of our time in these systems (and we feel justified, because it is what the Toughness Myth demands). Both Threat and Drive can contribute to the feelings of overstimulation that we as sensitive people face.
p.184 – Soothe switches on naturally when there is no threat to defend against and no goal to chase. Others have called it the “rest and digest” system, because once in Soothe mode, we feel calm, content, and comforted. […] Soothe allows us to relax, slow down, and enjoy what we’re doing in the present moment. You might use Soothe when you savor your morning coffee, get a massage, or mindfully appreciate the fresh blossoms in your garden. […] When you feel safe, happy, secure, cared for, and calm, you’ve entered Soothe mode. […] Learning to activate it regularly is a game-changer for sensitive people.
p.188 – A Toolkit to Lessen Overstimulation – The key to dealing with overstimulation both chronic and occasional, is to create a lifestyle that works for your sensitivity, not against it. First, you need to reliable ways to activate the Soothe system and end the overstimulation in the moment. Then, you need realistic methods to build a long-term lifestyle that nourishes your sensitive nature.
p.190 – Develop an Early Warning System for Overstimulation – Before you get sick, you might get a tickle in your throat or just feel off – early warning signs of a cold or the flu. In the same way, before you reach a state of full-on overstimulation, your body gives you early warning signs. The more you can become aware of these signs, the easier it will be to sidestep overstimulation before it gets too “big.” Throughout the day, check in with yourself.
p.191 – If you feel restless, wound up, distracted, irritated, or a desire to cover your ears or eyes to shield them from sensory input – or if you have muscle tension, a tight feeling in your chest, a headache, or stomach pain – you may be on the verge of overstimulation.
If Possible, Take a Break – When overstimulation strikes, the best thing you can do is to move away from the thing that is overstimulating you, whether it’s a sound or a conversation. Take a break. Close a door. Go on a short walk.
p.192 – When taking your break, bring your awareness to your body. Recognize that you’re not really under attack, even though it feels that way.
p.193 – Give Yourself Calming Sensory Input – More often than not, we cannot escape the situation that is overstimulating us. That’s when we need some other tools to lower our arousal level. When our Threat system turns on, we must interrupt the body’s physical response (because Threat mode is, essentially, a physical reaction from your body). The way to disrupt that response is also physical. For example, you can put your back against a wall and push firmly against it. Lie on your back on the floor. Do mini push-ups on the kitchen countertop or your desk. Wrap your arms around your body and give yourself a tight hug (or if appropriate to do so, ask someone else for a hug).
p.194 – Move Your Head Less – Position yourself in a way that reduces head movement.
p.196 – Comfort Yourself as You Would Comfort a Child – You might try imagining yourself as a young child and speak comforting words directly to this little person. “I can fell your pain.” “You’re not alone, I’m here with you.” “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Activate Your Cognitive Brain – We have, effectively, two brains – a cognitive brain and an emotional one. Sensitive people tend to spend more time in their emotional brain.
p.197 – If you’ve ever felt as if you couldn’t think clearly when you’ve been mad or stressed, your emotional brain has overridden your cognitive brain. Just as Threat and Soothe can’t be activated at the same time, neither can our cognitive brain and our emotional brain. Waking up your cognitive brain will lower the intensity of the emotions you feel when you are overstimulated. [Try] writing down the emotions you’re feeling and “cognitive facts” – observations that counter the message of your emotions.
p.198 – Because the cognitive brain is in charge of language, the mere process of putting your feelings into words is one way to activate this part of your brain.
Create Your Sensitive Sanctuary – Set up your physical environment in a way that nurtures your sensitivity. You should have a t least one space that brings immediate peace. This sanctuary is a room or another space that’s all your own. It’s where you decompress and escape the noise of the world.
p.199 – Decorate it with soothing colors or whatever makes you happy. Physical comfort is key. Stockpile the things that bring you the most joy, such as books, journals, and your favourite snacks. The specifics don’t matter so much as the idea that this is your space, set up in a way that lets you process and come down.
Most important, make sure to tell your family or roommates about your sanctuary. Stress that your “me time” in your sanctuary is important for you physical and mental health.
p.200 – Set Healthy Boundaries – Chronic overstimulation often occurs because our boundaries have holes, that is, places where we haven’t set or communicated a clear limit. (Raise your hand if you’re a sensitive person who hates setting boundaries because you don’t want to hurt anyone or let them down!) Boundaries can feel as though they go against sensitive person’s natural empathy. However, the limits you set don’t have to be walls or dividers; they are simply a personal list of things that are okay or not okay with you.
p.202 – Hear the Message Your Emotions are Telling You – When you’re overwhelmed by intense feelings, remember that emotions in and of themselves are not the problem, but merely the messengers. Sometimes our emotions tell us when an important boundary has been crossed, when it’s time to take action, or when our needs in a relationship aren’t being met. They often show us lessons and opportunities for change.
p.203 – Don’t ignore your emotions or feelings of overstimulation. […] They contain important lessons when things are off, and beautiful rewards when things fall into place. When strong feelings arise, take a moment to reflect on these questions: what does this emotion ask me to do? What does it suggest I am yearning for?
Make Time to Laugh and Play – Sing along with the car radio, go on a bike ride with no destination in mind. This focus on play and the willingness to engage in it in called the play ethic. It’s about embracing your inner child and making time for fun. […] You can’t laugh at something funny and feel overwhelmed at the same time.
p.204 – Give It Time – Remember, overstimulation is your brain doing what it does best: going deep. In these moments, do what you can to draw on your tools, and be kind to yourself if the results aren’t perfect. This too shall pass.
Chapter 5 – The Pain of Empathy
p.213 – Giver Burnout – also known as compassion fatigue – happens when the constant effort of caring for others becomes too much. Teachers, nurses, therapists, stay-at-home parents, and others in caregiving roles are especially at risk of giver burnout.
p.214 – To a less-sensitive person, this dark side of empathy has a simple solution: Dial it down. Sensitive people cannot shut off their empathy any more than they can shut off their physical senses or their deep thinking.
p.216 – Emotional Contagion – As sensitive people know all too well, emotions are infectious – they spread as easily from one person to the next as does the common cold.
p.220 – Sensitive people carry the stress of everyone around them. Sharing someone’s emotions can be beautiful, but when it’s constant, it can also be a source of pain.
p.226 – The Brain-Changing Power of Compassion – Whereas empathy involves mirroring the emotional state of someone else, experiencing it with them, compassion involves a response of concern, caring, or warmth. Compassion also implies action and a desire to help.
p.235 – Almost nothing is more calming than the presence of a person with unflinching compassion. They care, but they don’t panic; they speak up, but they do not command. Compassion is a language all of us understand, and sensitive people are among those who speak it fluently.
p.236 – Prioritize Self-Compassion – Recognize when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed by other people’s emotions and give yourself permission to take a break from them. Turn off the news or put down your phone. Set boundaries with people who constantly exhaust you with their stress and negativity.
p.238 – Focus on Catching Positive Emotions – Research shows that when we celebrate other people’s good fortune, we activate our own brain’s reward system; this improves our well-being and is linked to greater life satisfaction and more meaningful relationships. […] You can catch other people’s happiness in a number of ways, such as sharing in their victories and milestones, recognizing and calling out their character strengths like kindness or humour, or even watching a child or animal play.
Chapter 6 – Full-Hearted Love
p.250 – The Sensitive Person’s Relationship Dilemma – Sensitive people tend to be conscientious and have high levels of empathy – so you might think that strong, healthy relationships come naturally to them, whether it’s friendship or love. Yet all too often, relationships are one their greatest challenges in life.
Here are some of the things that sensitive people report as being challenging in their marriage and friendships:
• Needing more downtime that you partner to recover from stimulation
• Getting easily overwhelmed by arguments, raised voices, or other expressions of disappointment or anger (like a slammed door) and needing more time to recover from conflict with loved ones
• Putting your spouse’s, children’s or friend’s needs ahead of your own, to the point of exhaustion, burnout, or disconnection from yourself
• Reading others so well that they cannot hide their emotions from you, and in turn, taking those emotions personally
• Getting taken over by bigger, louder, and more aggressive personalities and consequently feeling resentment, hurt, or taken advantage of
• Deeply feeling the impact of other people’s words, especially criticism or blame
• Getting easily worn down by drama, gossip, or small talk
• Feeling misunderstood by others because you experience the world differently as a result of your sensitivity
• Craving a deeper mental, emotional, and sexual connection than many people are able to give
• Finding “your people” – those who understand you and who not only respect but also cherish your sensitivity
p.256 – Sensitive people – even extroverted ones – need more downtime than others do.
p.257 – The sensitive brain processes information deeply, so sensitive people tend to feel stress and anxiety quicker than do their less-sensitive friends or spouse.
Sensitive people reach a state of overstimulation faster and need a quiet sanctuary to retreat to, although finding a retreat can be an impossible feat when you’re surrounded by people who don’t get it.
p.258 – The Need for Something More – Sensitive people require more depth in their relationships to feel satisfied.

[Tara Cignarella · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sensative by Jenn Granneman and Andre Solo
Overall Grade: B
Writing: A-
Details and explanations: B+
Coverage of the main topic: B
Best Aspect: Some super great section about embracing yourself and others for who they are naturally.
Worst Aspect: Too much filler as I have found in so many self-help type books

[KDV · Rating 4 out of 5]

Validating!

[Mehtap exotiquetv · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenn Grannemans Buch "Sensitive" ist eine faszinierende und hilfreiche Lektüre für alle, die herausfinden möchten, ob sie selbst ein sensibler Mensch sind und was Hochsensibilität eigentlich bedeutet. Die Autorin beschreibt einfühlsam, welche Kriterien sensible Menschen ausmachen und wie sie sich in verschiedenen Lebensbereichen – sei es im Beruf, in Beziehungen oder in der Erziehung –zeigen kann.

Besonders wertvoll sind die zahlreichen praxisnahen Tipps, die helfen, mit emotionaler und körperlicher Überforderung umzugehen.Granneman vermittelt Strategien, um besser mit intensiven Gefühlen und äußeren Reizen zurechtzukommen, ohne die eigene Sensibilität als Schwäche zu sehen. Stattdessen ermutigt sie dazu, die eigene Sensibilität als Stärke anzuerkennen und bewusst in den Alltag zu integrieren.

Das Buch ist leicht verständlich geschrieben und enthält viele Beispiele aus dem echten Leben, die es noch greifbarer machen. Egal, ob man selbst hochsensibel ist oder Menschen im Umfeld hat, die es sind.Sensitive ist eine absolute Leseempfehlung für alle, die sich mit dem Thema Sensibilität und emotionales Wohlbefinden auseinandersetzen möchten.

[Laina Johnston · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was good. ‘Quiet’ by Susan Cain is still my favorite book relating to the topic of sensitivity but there is still valuable information in this book as well.

[Amie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting and on point, but I didn’t learn many new facts

[Walter Gallo · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭑ ⭑ ⭑ (3 estrellas)

“Sensitive” (en castellano “Altamente Sensible”) de Jenn Grannemann y Andre Sólo ofrece una mirada introspectiva sobre lo que significa ser una persona altamente sensible en un mundo que a menudo valora la dureza por encima de la empatía. El libro proporciona ejemplos claros y personales que pueden resonar profundamente con los lectores que se identifican como sensibles. Los autores hacen un buen trabajo al destacar la importancia de la sensibilidad como una fortaleza, y no como una debilidad, y cómo esta puede ser cultivada para mejorar las relaciones y la vida diaria.

Sin embargo, a lo largo del libro, me encontré con que algunos puntos se repetían con demasiada frecuencia, lo que hacía que ciertas secciones se sintieran un tanto monótonas. La insistencia en la misma idea, a veces sin una nueva perspectiva o profundidad adicional, puede hacer que el lector sienta que el material es redundante. Aunque la intención es reforzar la importancia de la sensibilidad, esto podría haberse logrado con un enfoque más variado y dinámico.

En algunos momentos, el enfoque del libro me pareció demasiado simplón, quizás por la falta de complejidad en algunos argumentos o por tratar ciertos conceptos de manera superficial. A pesar de estos aspectos, “Sensitive” sigue siendo una lectura accesible e inspiradora para aquellos que buscan comprender mejor esta cualidad y encontrar formas de aceptarla y celebrarla en su vida cotidiana.

[Josh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fantastic book. Even if you are not an overly sensitive person yourself, Sensitive will provide you with better awareness of the issues that sensitive people in your life face and provides a number of tools and resources to help them thrive amidst the challenges of everyday life.

[Hanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've known for a while that I'm highly sensitive. I get easily overwhelmed by auditive and visual stimuli.I can't stand certain fabrics because they feel wrong. I leave a meeting very nervous because the energy was nervous and not because I have any reason to be. I look away with so many movies or series, can't handle anything scary, have never been able to watch the news, and even with many fiction books and movies i cry my eyes out feeling every scene into every single bone in my body (holding the number one spot for many years now: "breaking the waves").

But I never connected this to many of my other traits, both my obstacles and my core strengths, this until my coach pointed some of them out, and I subsequently read this book.

I especially like how it wants people to embrace this, not as an obstacle but as a strength that you just have to learn how to manage.

I might need to read it a few times more until it really hits me, but it's all building and connecting.

[Jane Morrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really helped me embrace sensitivity and reframed how I see my personality! I wish I'd read this sooner.

Parents, leaders, managers, friends and partners (not just sensitive people themselves) will probably gain a lot from this book. If 1/3 people are highly sensitive, that's a lot of people in our lives. Its long past time that we shifted to a society that celebrates diversity rather than trying to make everyone the same.

The only thing I'd have liked to know a bit more about is the intersections with existing oppressions. There is some light mentions on neurodiversity, gender etc but I would have liked more.

[Stephanie Liebhart · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this as a non-sensitive person to better understand the sensitive people in my life. I appreciate the simple language and writing style. They often say "all sensitive people are different" and then go on to give advice for all sensitive people, which, of course, is difficult to do since everyone is different. That being said, I enjoyed reading about the experiences of sensitive people in many areas of life (relationships, work, leadership, parenting) and understand the effort to make sensitivity a super power. I know the sensitive people in my life often struggle to view it that way, but I value it and wish I had a bit more, especially after reading this book.

[katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

arc kindly sent to me by viking books.
- This is one of those books that i wish i had read sooner, it was so insightful and made me feel seen and understood in every chapter. Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo did an amazing job at explaining sensitivity to people who aren’t necessary sensitive. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Elise · Rating 3 out of 5]

As an HSP, I've already read the seminal works on this topic. Sensitive is interesting and a quick read, but I don't think I learned anything new on the topic.

[Julie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The rah rah “aren’t sensitive people THE BEST" tone wears thin pretty quickly. I understand what the author is trying to do, push back against the negative portrayals of being sensitive, but she swings the pendulum too far. According to this book, sensitive people are basically perfect.

In common usage, sensitive can mean a person has big emotions-crying for joy, bursting with warmth, wilting from critique. It can also be physical; you may be sensitive to temperature or fragrance or sound. Hello, this is neurodiversity.

people have a limited amount of "mental energy"-something we now know to be more or less true-and that a highly stimulating environment consumes far more of it.Uh, more or less?

Human brains can only process so much. Push its limit, and everyone, no matter their personality or how tough they are, eventually hits overload.Their reactions start to slow, their decisions suffer, they become irate or exhausted, and if they keep pushing, they burn out. So everyone is sensitive at some point?

The author really downplays the extreme emotions/reactions that are a feature of being highly sensitive. She calls it a superpower, feeling so strongly, but then at other points of the book badmouths other extremely emotional people the highly sensitive person encounters as toxic and narcissistic. I kept thinking, wait, isn’t this just a case of two highly sensitive people interacting with each other? Each getting triggered and upset by the other? Why are you alone the special highly sensitive person and the other guy is a jerk? Perhaps that jerk is considering himself highly sensitive and YOU are the toxic jerk?

HSP would do well to sidestep chronic complainers, negative and toxic people, and those who express strong feelings but are not very responsive to other people's emotional states. These people are the world's emotional super-spreaders; they pass on the most negative emotions Uh….pot meet kettle. Her “but” is quite the qualifier. When a HSP feels and expresses their strong emotion to others, those other people are not thinking to themselves, ‘Oh but normally Jenn is so good at reading others that her freak out isn’t bothering me at all.’ People are bothered, Jenn.If those “toxic” people expressing their emotions bother you then please be self aware enough to understand that when you are being “highly sensitive” others might read it as toxic.

I was irritated at the author’s dismissal of neurodiverse people as not being highly sensitive. She says that sensory processing disorder is different and not the same thing as a HSP(highly sensitive person). I disagree. I was reading this book to get ideas how to help my neurodiverse kid and felt brushed off by this book. The overstimulated/overwhelmed 100% applies to the neurodiverse. Just because they have problems reading nonverbal signals from others does not make them not sensitive. I found it very patronizing and othering, her discussion of the neurodiverse community.

The trait of sensitivity is not the same as introversion, autism or sensory processing disorder. Introverts are primarily fatigued by socializing, while sensitive people are fatigued by highly stimulating environments, whether they involve socializing or not. Likewise, autistic people and sensitive people may share some characteristics, such as the tendency to avoid certain smells, foods, or textures, or to be overwhelmed by certain stimuli. MAY? Instead the author should write, "they both get physically overstimulated by sensory intake and they both have big emotions.”

autistic and sensitive brains are almost opposites in terms of how they process emotional and social cues. The sensitive brain shows higher-than-typical levels of activity in areas related to calmness, hormonal balance, self-control, and self-reflective thinking. The autistic brain is less active in regions related to calmness, emotion, and sociability. You can see this in the way that individuals with autism may have to learn strategies to interpret social cues, whereas sensitive people read others almost effortlessly. Calmness? Self control? Yet she also says HSP have big emotions and feel strongly. That is not calm. That is not self control.

Sensory processing disorder is sometimes confused with sensitivity because both conditions involve sensitivity to stimuli. Although some sensory discomfort is a characteristic of sensitivity, it does not impair day-to-day functioning the way sensory processing disorder does. WRONG. You can have sensory processing disorder without it “impairing day to day functioning”.

Sensory discomfort is not the only characteristic of sensitivity. Rather, sensitivity means having unusually deep or elaborate mental processing.Fine, you can have sensory processing disorder without being HSP but you cannot be HSP without sensory processing issues. The author really dislikes thinking that there could be anything considered “wrong” with her. It’s all about how awesome she is.

There is a real cherry picking vibe going on with the author. Any positive personality trait = highly sensitive person. Any trait deemed negative by society is someone else. There are pros and cons to everything, including personality traits. The book would have been stronger if the author had recognized this.

Sensitivity has gained an unfortunate reputation:It has wrongly become associated with weakness. It's seen as a defect that must be fixed.

A better word for sensitive might be responsive. If you are a sensitive person, your body and mind respond more to the world around you. You respond more to heartbreak, pain, and loss, but you also respond more to beauty, new ideas, and joy.

Like other traits, sensitivity is a continuum, and everyone falls somewhere along it, from low to average to high sensitivity. All three categories are considered normal, healthy traits. Are they, though?

Also, what is up with the constant Bruce Springsteen references? Was she reading his memoir while writing this book? I recently read his memoir, it’s good, but I would not call him a HSP based on how shitty he treated women.

I did appreciate the parts of the book that give practical advice for what to do when overstimulated and overwhelmed. Those parts were very helpful.

Things to say to others when feeling overwhelmed:
• "I need a few minutes to sort out my thoughts."
• "I'm feeling overstimulated. I'm going to take a short walk to calm my body down."
• "Let me think about your question and get back to you.
• "It sounds like an interesting project, but I wouldn't be able to give it the time it deserves."
• “ I can see the importance of the project, but I'm also working on X, Y, and Z. Which of those would you like me to pause?""

Give yourself calming sensory input.
• A hug.
• Gentle exercise-stretch, take a short walk, or do mini desk push-ups.
• Put your back against a wall and push against it.
• Turn down the lights or take a few minutes in a darker, calmer space.

Spend time relaxing in a place that feels safe, calm, and comfortable to you- your personal sanctuary and consider whether you need to set some boundaries to prevent the overstimulation from happening again.

Remind yourself-
• In this moment, it might feel like the overstimulation will never end and your feelings will never change-but they will.
• Even a few minutes from now, you will feel differently.
• In a few hours or days, this moment will be nothing but a memory.

Imagine an invisible bucket that we all carry around with us. Some people have a big bucket, while others-sensitive people - have a smaller bucket. No one gets to choose the size of their bucket; we're all born with a different nervous system and a different capacity to deal with stimulation. Yet no matter the size of the bucket, every sound, every emotion, and every scent fills it a little more. If your bucket is running dry, you feel bored, restless, or even depressed. if your bucket is overflowing, you feel stressed, fatigued, and overwhelmed-maybe even panicked, angry, and out of control. Everyone, has a certain threshold for stimuli, and everyone seeks to have their bucket filled to just the right level so they are neither under- nor over-stimulated. A child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), for example, may always feel as if this bucket is running dry. So they rap fingers on their desk or jump out of their seat in school in an effort to stimulate themselves. For you, a sensitive person, it's the opposite: Your bucket fills quickly just from everyday activities. Once the bucket is full, it spills over and we see dysregulation or overstimulation. Essentially, it's your sensory system saying, 'Nope, no more. I have processed enough.' This example alone made reading the book worth it.