$everance

by Richard Kaempfer

Buy directly from ENC $15.00 A scathing satire about the current state of the consolidated mainstream broadcast media, an insight into the way the political parties have managed to convert broadcasting into a partisan screech-fest, and a spotlight on who and what really runs the media.

Tom Zagorski was one of the most popular morning radio personalities in Chicago for nearly twenty years, but the financial realities of the new corporate-owned media world make him obsolete. His boss is doing whatever he can (including public and private humiliation) to make Zagorski quit so he doesn’t have to pay the severance. Zagorski pushes back by passive-aggressively needling his boss into firing him—without ever crossing the line that could get him fired for cause.

When neither side budges after six months of battle, an exasperated Zagorski sends an e-mail to the CEO of the corporation, sarcastically suggesting a massive firing of anyone who doesn’t actually bring in money. Instead of firing Zagorski in a rage, CEO takes the e-mail at face value, eliminating thousands of jobs and sending the stock price soaring. To reward the genius who came up with the idea, the CEO makes Zagorski his new COO.

Getting fired suddenly becomes a monumental Zagorski has become the darling of Wall Street. In order to get fired, he has to get the stock price to go down and/or irritate his mercurial boss so much that he can’t take him any longer. Zagorski takes great glee in pursuing both of these options, and, along with his on-air partner Richard Lawrence, plunges headlong into the world of media finance, politics, and personalities.

243 pages, trade paperback

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

It all started with an office prank—a memo radio DJ Tom Zagorski i sends out from his station’s office in Chicago to the entire Sierra Megamedia Corporation (a media giant that owns not only Zagorski’s radio station, but many others, along with television networks, movie studios, and publishing houses). The memo suggests techniques to save money—like installing security guards to keep employees from stealing office supplies—as well as techniques to raise money, like Nascarization, which basically encompasses stamping everything visible with some sort of advertisement during news broadcasts. To Zagorski and his fellow employees, the memo is an obvious farce. Its suggestions are so ridiculous that Zagorski hopes he’ll be fired from the job he’s grown to hate, and gain him the only thing he really wants: his severance pay. To his (and my) very great surprise, his memo lands him the COO position of the entire Sierra Megamedia Corporation.

Many others would run with a position like this. After all, it allows use of the company credit card, the company Jet, suites in the best hotels all over the country, and dinner in the best restaurants (all of which author Richard Kaempfer describes enough to make Zagorski’s sudden rise pretty enviable). The world is virtually at Zagorski’s fingertips. So what does he do? He sticks to his original plan, now on a much greater scale: he sets out to destroy the company & everything it represents. He wants the company’s stock to plummet so badly that they will have no choice but to fire him—which means he’ll still get his severance pay. It doesn’t hurt that in the meanwhile, he’ll be hurting a pretty corrupt organization.

Which is why Zagorski is ultimately so likeable. Even when he’s handed everything, he doesn’t sell out. He sticks to his convictions with a sort of bumbling, sarcastic grace. He remains loyal to his friends and always has a kind word for the otherwise ignored. Kaempfer does an excellent job in drawing out each of his characters—even the ones I hated—into very realistic, vivid, three dimensional people.

My biggest problem with $everance was situations where I ended up thinking, “that wouldn’t happen!” But $everance’s biggest fault is also one of its strongest qualities. The over-the-top scenarios Kaempfer creates serve as satire of social issues—they prove a point. By putting them in such an exaggerated context, Kaempfer grabs our attention; then, with unrelenting honesty, he drives the matter home.

$everance is one of the few books that made me laugh out loud several times. It’s enjoyable for all of the normal reasons—an interesting plot, good writing, great characters, thoughtful symbols—but also serves a greater cause. I highly recommend picking it up.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

The rare political novel that can walk the thin line between conservative and liberal partisans, enlighten both, and dissatisfy neither. Set against a backdrop of corporate downsizing and media-industry conglomeration, Kaempfer shines a bright light on the hidden snares and pitfalls of an unregulated fourth estate.

[Kelara · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book about a man who wants nothing more than to be fired. Severance gives an inside look at the inner workings of the media, something I'd never considered before. It somehow manages to maintain bipartisanship without offending one side (conservatives vs. liberals) more than the other. Deepak has to be my favorite character; he's hilarious. A very entertaining read, I recommend this to everyone.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Richard Kaempfer’s $everance is a hilarious book that will make readers laugh, nod their heads in agreement and, especially in today’s climate, watch the news with even more skepticism. All Tom Zagorski wants is for his boss, Sherman Rose, to fire him so he can collect his severance check. He creates as much mayhem as he possibly can with the surprising result of landing him a job as COO for Sierra Megamedia Corporation, the company who owns his small Chicago radio station. With a brilliant mix of satire and truth, Kaempfer explores the world of media that most of us can only hypothesize about. Having worked in the business at a Chicago radio station, his account comes across as though he’s saying, “I couldn’t make this up if I tried.”

In his craziest scheme, Zagorski e-mails Rose and the CEO of Sierra Megamedia, Franklin Siegel, with a list of ludicrous ideas to make the company money and cut costs. Unfortunately for Zagorski, Siegel not only takes the ideas seriously, but also loves them. He implements Zagorski’s ideas and hires him as the new COO. Once in New York, Zagorski does not stop his Zagorski is taken so seriously and his power becomes so great in the industry that at his peak, he plans to run for President of the United States. What would a novel about American media conglomerates (or media in general) be without overzealous political radicals from both sides? The political storyline is interwoven with that of Zagorski’s as they fight over him to be their presidential candidate among other things. However, the book manages to stay bipartisan while making fun of both Democrats and Republicans. This novel explores the relationship between the public and the media and demonstrates that there are a million stories out there, but the only one not being reported is the Truth. Except by Richard Kaempfer, of course.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a public over-saturated with exposure to the media and information being beamed to us from all directions, Rick Kaempfer’s latest book, $everence, provides a hilariously entertaining inside look at the world of politics, persona and media consolidation. Kaempfer doesn’t just ask the question, “What happens when it all goes too far?” but suggests the outcome and it is not pretty.

One of $everance’s greatest advantages in delivering its message is its use of humor and avoidance of dry political and corporate jargon. While an inside term or two might pop-up, Kaempfer’s book doesn’t seem to be preaching to the choir; it’s an open invitation for even those with little or no knowledge of the media’s inner workings or its political wheelings and dealings to join the conversation. Whether you’re news junkie, undecided, uninformed or just plain apathetic, $everence is a clever and enjoyable read for anyone exposed to the media; and that’s everyone.

[Sean · Rating 2 out of 5]

Severance: an indictment of spurious journalism? Check! Severance: a Laodicean account of the annoying nature of political zealots? Check! Severance: a hilarious satire about the trials and tribulations that accompany…trying to get fired? Check!

It’s a battle of attrition for Chicago radio DJ Tom Zagorski and long time on-air partner Richard Lawrence. In a vain corporate attempt to get the duo to quit, relieving the company of their fat severance checks, the once prominent talk radio show now features less talk and more commercials, as well as news read from day old papers. Zagorski’s atomic bomb of insubordination backfires and in no time he ironically becomes a Wall Street golden boy and big shot for the second largest media conglomerate in the world.

As Zagorski and Lawrence navigate their way through New York City’s maze of CEOs, conservative hotshots, bad journalists, liberal loudmouths, and vomit inducing cab drivers, trying to piss them all off and play them against one another isn’t as easy as it seems. Every absurd scheme the two come up with—from redecorating an office to resemble an epic Hollywood movie, or completely destroying what was left of objective reporting (and a lot in between)—their plans only result in more praise and more unwanted attention. Author Richard Kaempfer mixes humor with sadism to great result: each success, when Zagorski only wants failure, brings with it bigger laughs, more outrageous characters, and ‘nothing-good-can-come-of-this’ situations.

Severance is a carefully balanced satire about the post-deregulation liberal and conservative on-air personalities, as well as the behind the scenes puppet masters, that saturate the media with their opinions, but don’t be surprised when you see animal rights activists, film producers, and Celine Dion dressed as nun. You name it, Severance has got it, and Kaempfer, through the admirably indifferent Zagorski, exposes the weakness, hypocrisy and foolishness in each and every one of them.

By staying objective, Severance does not crumble under the weight of its observations on the degradation of journalism into a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ profession. It does not, like so many of its characters, become hypocritical or biased; on the other hand, it remains satisfyingly ambivalent, and genuine all the way to its final sentence. As good satire can, Severance will make you laugh, but just as quickly it can scare the pants off of you. Though some of the characters are absurd, the novel is not. Severance is an accurate appraisal of the ongoing mutations happening to a very crucial industry, and a highly recommended read.

[Kmurphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Richard Kaempfer’s $everance is the type of novel that makes you laugh so hard your sides hurt, but no matter how much you want to stop, you just can’t put it down.

The story revolves around radio DJ Tom Zagorski and his hunt for his severance check. Zagorski’s boss, unwilling to pay 18 months of severance to Zagorski, does everything possible to make Zagorski quit, but it’s to no avail.

In what he thought was a giant stroke of genius, Zagorski sends an office-wide email out, hoping that his antics will get him fired. However, instead of giving Zagorski what he wants, the CEO of the company gives him the opposite – a promotion.

The character that Kaempfer has created in Zagorski is outstanding. Not only is he likable and relatable, but his antics at times are unbelievable, which all add to the hilarity of the novel. He also seems to be the epitome of what each and every one of us wishes we had within us: spunk, courage, and the ability to stick to your guns when backed up against the wall.

Of course, it’s impossible to ignore the underlying issue of media politics. But instead of the hit-or-miss humor that comes when writing about politics, Kaempfer nails it head on, face first with a novel that is engaging and entertaining the whole way through.

[Brendan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Richard Kaempfer is right in all the wrong ways, and wrong in all the right ways — a task as difficult to accomplish as it is to resist laughing at $everance, a satire whose intention is to tear the mask off of Big Media, but whose effect is even more complex and intriguing. Inspired by Kaempfer’s own dismal experiences with the corporatized telecommunications industry, $everance will be best appreciated by readers who reject the labels of conservative and liberal, but who also deny the lure of dogmatic “non-conformist” conspiracy theorists, and choose, instead, to think for themselves.

Tom Zagorski and Richard Lawrence, the reluctant protagonists of $everance, like any blue-blooded Cubs fans, just want to be left alone so that they can suffer through their lives in peace. But as disc jockeys working for Sierra Megamedia, fate has other plans. Sierra has abolished the time-honored practice of extended conversation on morning radio shows, instating a popular new “Less Talk, More Rock” policy. Zagorski and Lawrence’s jobs now consist of little more than babysitting the automated DJ. Zagorski’s latest mission is, therefore, to annoy the boss as much as possible, so that he and Lawrence can be fired “without cause” and receive their much-deserved severance checks. As a last-ditch effort, they send out a company-wide email suggesting that Sierra fire all “nonessential staff” and “NASCAR-ize” (read: plaster with ads) all television stations. But instead of getting their checks, Zagorski gets promoted to COO, and Sierra implements every single suggestion. Thus begins Zagorski and Lawrence’s sometimes side-splitting, and always mind-boggling, journey through the telecom industry. Getting fired, ironically, has never been so impossible.

To the discerning reader, underneath the surrealist humor and cheap laughs, $everance is a bitter memoir of dissatisfaction with the status-quo. Kaempfer has taken much of the real world and boiled it down into an ingenious and nauseating account of corporate America. Many of the characters — e.g. Sierra CEO, Franklin Siegler — are based on surprisingly rigorous research of real men and women; Kaempfer’s description of the web of multinational companies that “own” the media is absolutely not a work of fiction; and even Zagorski’s exploration of political think-tanks is depressingly realistic. This much insight and dedication to uncovering the truth could not have come from anyone other than an industry insider.

So perhaps this makes it that much stranger for me to say that $everance would be better read with a grain of salt. Subtlety is not Kaempfer’s strategy, nor should he be chastised for this. Righteous anger works for $everance, in part due to the absurdist nature of Zagorski’s holy war — a search for eighteen-months’ salary. But rage can only go so far.

We can easily see Kaempfer’s desire for the corporate machine to be smashed, for independent voices to be heard, and, paradoxically, for a sense of order to return to the chaotic marketplace of ideas. At the back of the novel, Kaempfer details what he believes to be the failures of the telecom industry: a list of the six largest media corporations and their holdings; a brief history of the deregulation of media; and some biographical information on the corporate officials who control Big Media. And he’s right. First and foremost, $everance should be seen as a warning against the fossilization of capitalism. What will become of a civilization whose major sources of information become entrenched in speculatory games, shameless politicking, and mindless populist appeals to the lowest cultural denominator? Anyone familiar with the history of ancient Rome can see the parallels between today’s media, and the bread-and-circuses tactics of Roman politicians. Decadence is a fate which all great cultures experience at the end of their reign, and it is something to be marveled at, as well as feared.

But is Kaempfer’s solution respectable—or even workable? $everance offers us no explicit remedies, demonstrating that good satire destroys, rather than constructs. It is not the place of the satirist to offer a utopian ideal; instead, he is occupied with the destruction of preconceptions, the questioning of the unquestionable, and the tipping of sacred cows. Kaempfer accomplishes this admirably. Yet, like all artists, he is incapable of divorcing himself from his medium. His desire for more control and government oversight of the media is evident, not just in the novel’s afterword, but in the story’s general attitude. No government institution is lambasted—only private political think-tanks, whose misguided idealism leads them to implement a version of realpolitik in their efforts to sway the public. Kaempfer laments the abolition of the Fairness Doctrine, as well as the deregulation of media in the 1996 Telecommunications Act. And such insignificant details as personal friendships between media moguls and corporate ownership of Nickelodeon magazine is included with bizarrely minute detail, as if incontrovertible evidence—or even suggestive—of conspiracy. Kaempfer should ask himself what he thinks will happen to the telecom industry if it comes even further under government purview. Will the return of the Soviet-esque “Fairness Doctrine” result in more fairness—or will it give untrustworthy men and women the dictatorial power to decide which opinions may be heard, and which are not in the “public interest”? Is more government control of media the best way to revive a dying culture—or will it just kill Western civilization even quicker? Once again, the discerning reader will recognize in $everance a brilliant diagnosis of a comatose media industry—and a cure which may be no better than the disease.

Readers who are looking to enjoy quality satire will not be disappointed with $everance. Underneath its pessimism lies hope for the future, and an insistence on independent thinking which can counter any tacked-on, dogmatic anti-corporatism.

[Mark Rayner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Richard Kaempfer’s $EVERANCE is a spot-on satire of the dangers of media consolidation. It cuts a swath through the evils of corporate America, the shrill inanities of the whole left-right political farce, and the corrupting influence of Wall Street.

The story follows Tom Zagorski, a popular radio DJ in Chicago, who wants his severance cheque. Instead of firing him outright, Zagorski’s boss is doing everything he can to make his life miserable, hoping that Zagorski will simply quit. But the resilient “Polack-American” has other plans. Instead of caving, he sends an incendiary email to the CEO of the corporation that owns Zagorski’s station, suggesting a series of absurd changes that would “save” the company even more money.

But the CEO takes Zagorski seriously, and even worse, his absurd reforms (which include posting security guards to protect all office supplies, and the NASCARization of the evening news) does save the company millions of dollars. Instead of getting him fired, the email gets him promoted — to Chief Operating Officer!

Now he’s even farther away from his severance cheque — and the only way he can get fired now is to destroy the corporation’s stock price, but Zagorski has the golden touch.

The book rips along, with plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, and if you have any interest at all in what has happened to the media landscape in the past twenty years, you’re going to love it.

[Sandie · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Severance is a black comedy that takes a on the subject of media moguls and the damage to truth in reporting that has resulted from the consolidation of media outlets. According to author Richard Kaempfer, who spent 20 years or so in broadcast media, the men pulling the strings at the six giant media outlets don’t really care whether their stations are pushing liberal or conservative agendas, because all that really matters to these folks is M-O-N-E-Y. Kaempfer’s take on the situation is amusing but at the same time depressing. It appears that the era of true “broadcasters” has come to an end and all we have left are profit-driven businessmen seeking yet one more way to lasso another greenback and place it in the company coffers.

The protagonist in $EVERANCE is a cynical and (according to the “powers that be” in New York’s corporate heaven) obsolete Chicago radio personality named To Zagorski, whose job has become redundant but whose employers balk at terminating him and paying him his severance pay. Instead they embark on a path to make his life at the station so miserable he will be forced to quit and thereby save the station 18 months of severance pay.

After many months or back and forth passive-aggressive antics between Tom and his boss Sherman Rose, Tom ultimately reaches his breaking point and sends a taunting e-mail to Sherman with a copy to the corporate CEO suggesting they fire every non-revenue producing employee and engage the services of security guards to protect the office supplies thereby increasing the company’s bottom line profit. Unfortunately for Tom instead of this action being viewed as the derisive message he hoped would result in his termination and the collection of his severance package, he is viewed as a forward thinking boy genius by the CEO as well as the Wall Street pundits and is offered a promotion to COO of the company.

What follows is situation after situation of laugh out loud absurdity that soon morphs into an insightful look into the scandalous environment of corporate America as well as an scathing indictment of our media and the men who control it. (To aid the reader in identifying the guilty, Kaempfer has graciously provided a who’s who glossary of media outlets, what they control, and who is at the helm of each, at the back of his book so that readers don’t have to second guess the true identities of the “imaginary” culprits in his novel.) For those who enjoy their “awful truth” of terrifying possibilities served up with a spoonful of humor, Severance fits the bill.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found $everance to be a very entertaining, easy read that I was able to finish in only a few days' time.

It is the satirical story of Zagorski, a Chicago morning radio host for a failing station who just wants his severance pay and has met a tough match in the form of a boss who refuses to give it to him and instead is determined to make him quit by making the conditions as horrid as possible.

The book kicks into high gear very early when Zagorski sends an e-mail detailing all kinds of over-the-top, sarcastic tactics to improve the company and save money and includes the CEO of the billion dollar media conglomerate on it.

The CEO takes the e-mail seriously, however, and thinks Zagorski's ideas are brilliant. From there, Zagorski is made into the company COO, incredibly enough.

Though many people would be enamored with the possibilities of that kind of a job, Zagorski still only wants his severance pay and pulls ridiculous stunt after ridiculous stunt in an effort to get fired. Nothing works out the way he thinks though, as always of his ridiculous ideas work out because they keep saving the company money or generating more revenue in one ridiculous way or another that Zagorski fails to anticipate.

As someone in the finance industry, I found the storylines here to be uproarious, and was more than willing to forgive the ridiculousness of some of his ideas succeeding in the name of a good satire.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't win this book on Goodreads but ENC press sent me the FB link so that I could read it anyway. I enjoyed it. I think Richard's got a point. There is some scary stuff going on out there.

[Andrew Langert · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a farcical satire on what happens behind the scenes at America’s media conglomerates. The plot revolves around Tom Zagorski, a 49-year-old veteran DJ who decides to do something that will get him fired, so that he can get his severance check. But instead of getting fired for his act, he gets promoted and every dumb idea he comes up with turns out great.
This is written by a media veteran, so there is probably an element of truth in what is being portrayed here. The media conglomerates do control the reported news and the political talk, which now more than ever often or usually lacks objectivity. The character of the heads of these fictional media companies are called into question also.
It’s the kind of book that can make you laugh, but it can also lead you to despair over the quality and integrity of what we as consumers get from mass media.

[Edward · Rating 5 out of 5]

$everance by Richard Kaempfer is a hilarious and pointed satirical novel about the absurd world of media conglomerations. The protagonist, Tom Zagorski, is a morning radio DJ at WCLR, a commercial radio station in Chicago. The station is owned by Sierra Megamedia, who constantly finds ways to cut costs and increase revenues, even when it means reducing the quality of programming and treating their loyal employees like scum. The station manager, Sherman Rose, wants to get rid of Zagorski, but not wanting to pay severance, he tries to make Zagorski’s life so miserable he will quit. Zagorski fights back by trying to make Rose’s life so miserable he must fire Zagorski – and pay his severance. Hilarity ensues…
For what he hopes to be his most irritating prank, Zagorski writes a list of ideas for cutting costs and increasing revenue, and e-mails it to every employee of Sierra Megamedia, including the CEO. His list, he thinks, is so obviously a crude joke that it is guaranteed to get him fired. However, the CEO, Franklin Siegel, sees it as a brilliant business strategy. Zagorski soon finds that in the world of Big Media, there is no idea too ridiculous, and no strategy too cynical.
Kaempfer has created some very memorable and vivid characters. Tom Zagorski and his on-air partner Richard Lawrence are loosely based on caricatures or stereotypes; Zagorski is the mischievous morning-show DJ, Lawrence the straight-laced news reporter. But Kaempfer, by drawing on his personal experience, has turned them into characters who feel very real. Their interactions, no matter how zany, always seemed believable.
As with many great novels, the plot seems to flow naturally from the characters and their circumstances. The plot of Severance is also engrossing because so many of characters are obviously based on real people, and as a reader, you feel as though you are getting a glimpse into the minds of the most powerful men in the business (you’ll meet characters who resemble Rupert Murdoch, Ted Turner, and many more . . . coincidence of course). And while some of Zagorski’s antics seem to push the boundaries of what an audience will believe, they are juxtaposed against equally absurd situations that we know to be real – it’s one of the ways all great satire works, and Kaempfer does it expertly.
Zagorski finds that, contrary to popular belief, the people running the media are not too ideological, but rather have no ideals at all. They simply want to attract the most customers and sponsors – they have no regard for factual or ideological truth. And while there are seven entire companies competing for market share, they work together in ways that make them a virtual monopoly.
I really enjoyed Severance. I often found myself laughing aloud at Zagorski’s antics. Kaempfer’s prose is clear, simple, and witty, and the subject matter is fascinating. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in good satire or the media industry.

[Jessica Buike · Rating 5 out of 5]

From start to finish, this hilarious romp through the media business will have you chuckling and all-out laughing! There are so many great jokes as you follow an average guy who just wants one thing - to be fired so he can get his severance package - who ends up finding out that life doesn't always work that way, even when you try hard! With plenty of laughs and irony, the action moves from political mumbo jumbo to Ben Hur to ants drowning in organic kool-aid which will keep you on your toes! This is a highly recommended read for any adult who understands the complexity that arises from a focus on profits, or who has a job they desperately want to escape.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is hilarious. I'm so glad I picked it up. At first I was a little uncertain about it, considering it's about a soft rock DJ. But as soon as I started it, I was sucked in to the amazing, and ridiculous, mind of Zagorski, a man who's very set in his ways, even if his moral compass only points northeast.

[Ayeesh]

i heard kaempfer on chicago's npr - the book sounds amazing (and right up my alley - media studies and all). here is an excerpt: http://www.encpress.com/$EV_excerpt.html

i will be buying a copy as soon as my credit card decides to start working again.

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a non stop laugh riot. Actually, the satire is so dead on that it should make you cry. Kaempfer has nailed it.

[Doug · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hilarious and insightful look into the world of radio.