Attached at the Heart: Eight Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children

by Barbara Nicholson, Lysa Parker

Why are there increasing numbers of children experiencing depression, anxiety, aggression and other serious mental, emotional and behavioral problems? Mental health experts agree that this crisis is due largely to their lack of deep connectedness to parents and community. This crucial finding requires a major shift in societal attitudes and our treatment of children.

In this book, you'll learn:

- Important facts you need to know before and after having your baby
- Strategies to strengthen the emotional bonds with your child
- How to be a more conscious parent with your children
- New information to help you make informed decisions
- How raising our children with empathy and respect can positively affect society

No other parenting book is as comprehensive in its scope, from an overview of attachment theory and current child development research to practical strategies for everyday situations. Attached at the Heart is a vital blueprint for change that begins in the home.

"Trust me. This is the only baby book you'll ever need! It's amazing, heartwarming, and completely user-friendly. Just add your heart!"
- Christiane Northrup, MD, author of Mother-Daughter Wisdom, The Wisdom of Menopause and Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family, Psychology

351 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2009

Reviews

[Kimberly OutspokenMom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Since I'm already an "attached" parent myself, and pretty well-informed on the subject, I sat down with this book the first time expecting to scan it and nod my head. Instead, I was quickly engrossed by the accessible writing style, friendly tone and heavy supportive documentation -- I couldn't put it down and read it through in a night. Besides having certain concepts reinforced, I learned more about why it's so important to choose a compassionate parenting approach to produce healthy, well-adjusted children, and why it's crucial for parents to keep their own 'tanks' full in order to do this. The authors address a myriad of concerns and help readers translate the philosophy into their daily practical parenting decisions. The information is balanced and presented in such a way that families can choose what works for them based not just on cultural programming, but on scientific research -- and, of course, their own heart's leading. It's also reassuring to know that the authors have raised their own several children according to these principles and have seen the positive long-term results. In a society that's not always supportive of taking a 'natural' approach, this book is like a friend and guide for the journey. I highly recommend it and will be taking copies to every future baby shower.

[Kate Ditzler · Rating 4 out of 5]

I couldn't help comparing this to The Mommy Myth. The book does frame parents -- and particularly mothers -- as solely able to respond to their children's needs, without discussing the role that society should play in supporting parents (that is to say, beyond some cursory "We need to support parents" propaganda).

I found this book wholly fascinating and worth reading as a parent who wants to treat her children as the persons they are, but I thought it glossed over some of the more systematic problems with parenthood, etc.

I'm really happy to consider the questions on how I was parented, and how that might effect my parenting -- and my husband has agreed to the soul searching with me. I'm looking forward to that.

[Kathleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This title is really hard to review. I don't read many parenting books, but I have two young children (32 and 4 months). While I don't agree with all of the standard practices of Attachment Parenting, I use some of them (co-sleeping, baby wearing, but my kids are getting vaccinated, thank you very much!). One of the issues that concerned me was the supplemental material (appendices and indexes and bibliography). It was 15% of the book. Really. And some of the links had notes saying things like "I couldn't actually find this article." So, I'm assuming it's a note from the editor. If the editor can't find the article, is the source even remotely authoritative? I'll take this book as one source of parental advice (mostly being, you know what's best for your own kids, and peace begets peace), but I don't think I'll take it as an authoritative work on child-raising.

[Courtney K · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I would have read this before I had my son. I requested my library order it, so now lots of parents and parents-to-be have the opportunity.

[Lindsay · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about attachment parenting, but I think this is a good book for parents who are considering the perspective. It's a bit more forgiving and practical than others I have read.

The reality is that every parent will likely choose a fusion of parenting techniques that work best for them and their family. There were concepts in this book that I found to be ridiculous and completely unrealistic. But I do like the idea of compassionate parenting. I just think that compassionate parenting may mean something different to me than it does to the authors.

I am a little surprised that more feminists don't push back against the attachment parenting philosophy. After a chapter on promoting the importance of nursing, this book went into detail about the need for a consistent childcare provider. They mentioned the father could be this provider, but if the mother is nursing, that option is unlikely to seem logical for most families. Day cares were discouraged. Because nannies tend to stay in their positions for so little time, this parenting style would necessitate the mother staying home from work to raise her children. They mentioned some ideas to keep nannies for a longer period of time, but I don't think any of them would really work. In fact, I've seen some people employ these methods, only to end up switching nannies every few months anyway.

[Joni Thomas · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm a believer in Attachment Parenting but not a fan of how this book explains it. I felt like they were guilt tripping me the whole time. I recently had twins and reading the little paragraphs by the mother of multiples explaining, pretty much, how her experience using attachment parenting with her twins was disastrious and then the author following up all of her explaining by telling out moms of multiples that you absolutely need to have help in order to attachment parent the right way really really angered me. Not everyone has the luxery of having help. I have no help with my twins other than my fiance and we also have a three year old and five year old and the book made it sound like we need to ignore our other children in order to attachment parent our twins. I got fed up and couldn't finish the book. Great parenting style but presenting in a very offputting way.

[Jaimee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is entirely an overview of API's 8 Principles of Parenting. It's a great introduction to attachment parenting and includes citations from studies and lists of additional resources. I would recommend it to someone interested in simply learning more about AP. But, because it does not contain a lot of specific examples and strategies (it does have some general ideas in the discipline and balance sections), I wouldn't recommend it to someone needing more detailed guidance.

[Alley · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book for anyone who desires to apply attachment theory to parenting. A very enjoyable read with lots of good examples of the benefits of attachment parenting and the risks involved in raising children with an insecure attachment. At its heart, attachment parenting calls a parent to rely on his or her instinct and getting to know their children in a real and connected way.

[Emily Mellow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. It really is a complete parenting resource, perfect for anyone even thinking of having kids, but also useful for me with 5 & 3 year olds.
The advice boils down to: Listen to your heart, listen to your kids, and think about how you would want to be treated. Of course you should read the actual book for more detailed explanations.

[Bess · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great "why to" book on attachment parenting. Nice to have a parenting resource with evidence from research as well as philosophical statements on attachment theory, not just opinions and vignettes (though those are included too).

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a wonderful book to remind parents to be loving and empathetic with their children. Parenting by example with patience and a deep breath. It has helped me have a new and more patient approach with my toddler and has reminded me of how I wanted to parent from the beginning.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! Full of great practical advice.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really loved and enjoyed the vast majority of the content in this book. I did not appreciate the antivax undertones, including a claim that vaccines cause autism as well as a story of a baby who nearly died after being vaccinated. I really don’t appreciate the fear mongering and spread of misinformation around vaccines. I was also a bit put off by the multiple mentions of Christianity. I think the book would be just as relevant without any mention of God or religion. Other than that, there is a lot of great research and evidence based information that is helpful to anybody who has or works with kids.

[Lady Brainsample · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like I agreed with a lot of what the authors had to say, but the benefits of some things were definitely over-hyped, and fears about other things definitely overblown.
Additionally, I felt like some of the ideas lacked good information on practical application and referred the reader to other sources way too often.

[Hava · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you want a light overview on this parenting idea, this is a good choice. It does have many recs for deeper reading as well

[Cristin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finding AP and this book has assured me that parenting doesn't have to be a timeline of spanking, timeouts, and leaving my baby to cry himself to sleep in another room. I love the science and psychology as well as religious background to the principles. This book along with the Sears Library have been the best resources for me on parenting (as opposed to the books that I had positive expectations and was left with nothing but a terrible taste in my mouth).

[Jamie Hornych · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the most part the content was good. Would be a great introduction to attachment parenting for a new or soon-to-be parent, although I'm not sure how much most soon-to-be parents who aren't familiar with attachment parenting would be open to reading it or if they would even find it. For those already settled on attachment parenting, it might feel a little redundant, but I feel like it was worth the read, especially the chapter on balance, just as a reminder.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed this book as it helped me to get back to my roots when thinking about parenting my son. By dedicating a chapter to each of the 8 principles of API, it sometimes feels shallow at best. However, the ideas behind each of the 8 principles is reassuring. I was a bit wary of API's official ideas on parenting but discovered that the big idea behind each of the 8 principles was in line with my own world view (we just disagree on the boundaries).

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an excellent resource about attachment parenting. It is well-researched and I think that all parents to be and parents of babies and toddlers should read it. It is well written and easy to read and explains why attachment parenting is important and how to do in in a variety of steps. I wish that this book had been around before I had children. I would have found it quite helpful.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite motherhood/parenting book! Wish I had read this pre-baby, as it is as realistic, informative, and compassionate a book I could have wanted. Love the philosophy and the fact that it gives history and background to the parenting style that fits my family and lifestyle.

[Kirstin · Rating 4 out of 5]

The best parenting advice book I've read to date. Spot on with what I've felt intuitively as a parent, and lots of clear usable strategies for those situations where I've felt ill-equipped and overwhelmed.

[Crystalalene · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book would be one of my first choices for any parent, parent to be, or even of young children if it hasn't reached their hands sooner. It is easy to read, researched and explained well, and presented with love and gentleness (that's the AP way)!

[Sally]

API's new book. geared more towards the infant?

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Compassionate, informative advice about how to best care for a baby.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like some aspects and don't like others...alot of guilt-ridden statements. I did enjoy the idea of doing some self introspection and evaluating your own upbringing.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

This makes sense! And it feels like the right way to parent to me! I can't wait to try it out!

[Kirsten Clemmensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little too much general principals and not enough practical advice for me. Good arguments and a nice, to the point breakdown of the main tenants.

[Likkia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so glad I chose to read about Attachment parenting than go by what I heard. Book has some good information. Like everything, take what works for you and leave the rest.

[Thiago Queiroz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I was needing to read on attachment parenting. Fantastic!

It's easy to read and has all evidences one might need to support their parenting decisions.

[Jessica Biggs · Rating 3 out of 5]

I do not plan to follow the Attachment Parenting plan in most regards, but the book made some interesting points. It was well-written and easy to understand.