Kweek Kinders Met Karakter: Hoe Om Elke Boompie Na Sy Aard Te Buig

by Hettie Brittz

Kinders se "handleiding" is in 'n groot mate in hulle unieke temperament opgeskryf. Hierdie titel leer ouers hoe om elke kind se unieke handleiding te volg. Wil jy weet: hoe om jou jong boompies so te buig dat hulle nie knak nie?; waarom ?n straf vir een kind werk maar nie vir die ander nie?; waarop om jou ouerskapinsette vir elke kind te fokus, sodat jy met jou beperkte tyd die grootste impak kan maak?; hoe om jou kind se "boomtaal" te praat sodat julle mekaar regtig verstaan?; hoe om jou kind se emosies, wangedrag, behoeftes en selfs prestasies reg te hanteer sodat sy 'n kind met karakter kan wees? Dan is hierdie titel vir jou bedoel! Dit kan ook baie effektief in 'n kleingroep aangewend word. Elke hoofstuk eindig met praktiese oefeninge, uitdagende besprekingspunte en kort Bybelstudies. Neem sommer 'n hele paar ouers saam met jou op die pad uit die ouerskapoerwoud uit.

Genres: Parenting, Childrens, Nonfiction, Psychology, Christian Non Fiction

368 pages, Paperback

Published June 1, 2007

About the author

I was born and raised in South Africa and married the man I fell in love with at first sight. He sang his way into my heart. It's been 30 years. We have three delightful children, and a wonderful son-in-law and daughter-in-law. We all live in Tennessee.

As an author, speaker, and life coach, I have the privilege of speaking into people's lives in the areas of personal, professional, and spiritual growth.

Many people have contributed to my life in their unique ways—each giving me permission, encouragement, and skills to live a purposeful life, sustained by a calling that I am becoming surer and surer of each year. These certainties include the firm knowledge that we are meant to be unique, that our uniqueness is a compass needle that points to our True North, that that North truly matters, and that there is life, provision, overflow, and generosity at that place because when we operate there, it is God Himself who leads and teaches us to lead.

A few deeply humbling and life-altering experiences—the hardest two were possibly climbing Kilimanjaro and starting a new life in the USA in my late forties—have shaped me. The first "climb" tortured some of my worst characteristics out of me—those that are not helpful in either life or leadership; the second taught me the extent to which we are lost without a support structure that believes in our calling. These two things I want to do with a mixture of compassion and challenge: I want to be your sherpa while you climb your mountains, but also the sherpa that firmly refuses to let you remain stuck because you're not at Uhuru yet. (Kilimanjaro's peak is called Uhuru and means "freedom").

Let's become free together: free to be true to our DNA, free to allow others to be true to theirs, free to leave the part of the past that does not serve a purpose, free to grow, free to fail in the unimportant and temporary matters of life, and free to expect life to be tremendously meaningful!

"Know your design; live your purpose!"

Here are a few random facts about me:

- I am not a "land animal" - I enjoy long-distance swimming more than running around the block - but I fell in love with hiking in 2011 when I joined 47 equally crazy ladies of the Freedom Climb (now called the Freedom Challenge) to climb Kilimanjaro to raise funds for initiatives against human trafficking.

- Maybe all women are complicated, but I may be particularly complex unless it is normal to derive equal thrill from big game hunting and scrapbooking.

- My favorite author is Frederick Buechner

- I was a speech, language, and hearing therapist many years ago and loved working with special needs kids, voice patients, and adults with brain injury.

- Hot air balloons speak to me (long story!), and I finally got to ride in one in 2021!

My writing and speaking have a central theme—HOPE. I have never met someone or seen a relationship I don't have hope for. I don't believe in "permanently broken". And I have proof. Our family survived an armed robbery in our home in 2010, and I learned first-hand that He who is in us truly is greater than death threats, kidnapping, rape, and any other attempt to devastate those who are in Christ. It's one thing to know the Bible verses, but to experience God's redemption in our darkest night gave me a fierce love for Jesus. Fierce, because I feel I need to fight for others to know this, to know Him, to know truths that set free–forever and completely.

My core calling still is family and parenting, leadership, education, marriage, and womanhood (the themes of most of my books). I don't see this calling as six separate things at all. Whole and hopeful parents and educators raise whole and hopeful kids who can have fulfilling relationships and lead the world. See? One thing!

Reviews

[Nadia's Library · Rating 3 out of 5]

Find the analogy really witty... Do not agree on all her points, but the research is solid (all ideas where borrowed from already established personality and psychometric tests). It is, however, not applicable to all parents and/or their children, but a great foundation from which to start perhaps.

[Lydia Howe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why I Choose This Book:

A few years ago I read another book by Miss Hettie, (Un)Natural Mom, and found her thoughts on mothering/personalities to be interesting. Learning about how to interact with different personalities has always been something I am intrigued by, so I was excited to read this book, too.

*Disclaimer: I'm not a parent, and therefore I obviously don't have experience parenting.

What I Thought of This Book:

It was so incredibly interesting! I had a lot of fun reading through this book which sounds weird cause it's a parenting book, but in reality, it was so intriguing.

Miss Hettie has a personality system where she compares people to trees. There are four different kinds of trees - Palm Trees, Boxwood Trees, Rosebushes, and Pine Trees - people are either one of these trees, or else a mixture. It's a bit confusing for the first few pages, but it didn't take long to get the hang of what's going on and then it really begins to make sense.

The book is divided into different sections. To begin with, we learn about what the different types of personalities are, and then we move into learning how to work/learn/grow with the different personality types.

Reading the whole book got a little bit redundant because it went over the same information multiple times, just tweaking it depending on what personality they were talking about.

My favorite part of the book was when I got to my personality type. There were several different ones where I was like "Oh, I can kinda relate to that" etc... but then all at once I'm like "THIS!" and it was a big lightbulb moment and I kept nodding my head. What they had to say about how my personality type learns and grows and all that I kept thinking of how much sense it made. #SpotOn

Conclusion:

This book is chocked full of good information and is really easy to read. It makes a lot of sense and I recommend it to parents. (Or older siblings.) ;)

*I'm thankful to have gotten this book free for review

[Sarita · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't usually like books that place you in personality boxes. However, this book has a lot of practical tips in order to see what should work to get the best out of your child, develop their potential and discipline them.

[Nicke Theron · Rating 5 out of 5]

In reading and writing I love using metaphors, and Hettie nailed the parenting journey with her gardening metaphor. She used four types of trees to describe four temperaments that your kids could have (or any combination of the four). There is an online questionnaire that you can complete to figure out what “tree” (temperament type) your child is growing to be, and then the book teaches you more about the characteristics, strong points and weaknesses of that temperament, and how to parent that child better. Life is full of hard, confusing, scary weeds and other temptations, and we all want our kids to grow into the plan the Father has for them. Based on scriptural principles, this book helps you to reach that goal.

Sneak peak…

The palm tree conjures pictures of an island, with coconuts hanging from the tree and monkeys playing around the branches, dancing to the beat of the hula… these kids are jovial, fun-loving and live for the moment, but do not like routine and chores.

A rose bush may be prickly but it produces the most beautiful flowers! They require aggressive pruning, but they’re tough… these kids are driven, competitive, and usually very successful, but need to be shaped early in order to grow their beautiful roses.

The boxwood tree is often used as decoration and appears very neat and tidy and controlled. Kids with this temperament thrive in situations with strict rules and regulations, and have high standards for themselves.

The pine tree represents the calm you find in a plantation. Pine-tree kids are deeply anchored, stubborn and not eager to be transplanted. They are peaceful in nature, loyal friends and very attached to their families.

“I am not the whole story when it comes to parenting. God, other parents, life, friends, and influences will parent with me. I will deserve neither all the blame nor all the glory. I will be stretched in the process.” Hettie Brittz, Growing Kids with Character

This book is full of practical tips, but also full of grace for parents. You will feel more equipped to handle discipline, relationships and praise for your specific child. There are even some characteristics outlined that you can start recognising from as young as babies and toddlers, so the book grows with your family. You do not need green fingers to have happy, healthy children!

[Linda J.B. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Growing Kids with Character by Hettie Brittz is a great guide for new and struggling parents that flows with Biblical teachings. Brittz starts off with a few memories of her mom and thinking that she would not let the same things happen to her children as her mom did to her. But as time went on, God touched her heart and mind, and so this book begins.

If you love nature you will enjoy the comparisons of children to specific types of trees and plants as the common ground is growing to be strong in the Lord, bending but not breaking.

Brittz explains how parents also grow and change and that ... "sometimes we can do everything right and still have to look on as our children make poor choices. Like your own mistakes, a child's serious blunder is not necessarily a sign of bad parenting."

I think you can give this book a once over read, and then go back to use the different chapters as guides and tips to encourage yourself as well as your children.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing Kids With Character (2018) by Hettie Brittz is a Christian Non-Fiction parenting text published by David C Cook. This non-fiction text comes in all forms including eBook, and is 272 pages in length. With a full-time job and a very busy five-year old at home, this book took me about three weeks to digest. This is not a book you want to go through quickly. There is a lot of good information to process, and I recommend taking the time to really read and understand the different ideas. I received a copy of this text in paperback form from the publisher, David C Cook, which I requested from Litfuse Publicity Group. I am not required to give a positive review. All opinions expressed in this review are my own. I give Growing Kids With Character 5 STARS.

I have a beautiful, highly intelligent, unique, creative, stubborn daughter. Her name is Bella. Bella is my miracle baby, and I love her so much. Those of you who read my blog know how special and important Bella is to me. Bella is a first-born, only child. She is a plethora of positive attributes. For the most part, Bella is a mature child. She is a joy to take on adventures. We just visited the Getty Museum, and we had a blast! She loved the various pieces of artwork, the gardens, and visiting the Museum store. After almost five hours, she was done and asked if we could leave and get dinner. No whining, no fighting! It was a wonderful family day. This is typical behavior for my child, and I admit I am blessed. She is a pretty easy kiddo! But sometimes, when she’s in what I call her fighting moods, I’m completely at a loss as to how to parent her. Nothing seems to work when she’s in these moods, and I feel like a total failure as a mommy.

When I saw that Growing Kids With Character was up for review, I had to jump on this opportunity, and I am so glad that I did. I learned so much about my child’s personality and how best to work with her in her typical good moods, and in her fighting-mood moments. When you purchase this book, you receive a code that allows you to take a test that helps you determine what kind of tree your child’s personality is. I completed the test with Bella in my lap, which I highly recommend doing with your own child[ren]. She had insight into her personality that I didn’t even realize she knew.

The test took me and Bella about 30 minutes to complete. It’s a series of really fun cartoon characters going through various scenarios. After the scenario is complete, the tester is given a question and you choose the best option. Bella and I were pretty spot on where her personality is concerned. If she chose something different than what I was thinking, we were able to discuss why she felt a certain way, and then we made the appropriate choice for her. At the end of the test, you receive the tree personality that best fits your child, and then you are told what pages in the book to read through to better understand the personality, the typical behaviors of that tree, and what to do and don’t do in order to foster the positive potential, purpose, and passion of your child.

My child is a Contra-Palm. That means she is a combination of Boxwood, Rosebush, and Pine tree personalities. The Contra-Palm kiddo tends to be independent, content to play alone, responsible, and very eager to do things right. This is my daughter to a T. Because she is a Contra-Palm I had to read through the Boxwood, Rosebush, and Pine tree chapters to sort out and learn the best ways to understand, soothe, talk to, discipline, encourage, etc., my child, which is why this book took me a while to read. I have been able to put some of the concepts I learned from this book into practice, and I have already seen marked improvement in my relationship with my child. For this reason alone, I highly recommend this book!

What I recommend with this book:
Read the introduction chapter — it is NOT a waste of time.
Read chapters 1-3. These chapters set-up and explain the whole point of the book. And, they have excellent reminders and quotes to write down on Post-it Notes and put around your desk or wherever you put reminders up in your house. For example, my favorite quote — “A parent living surrendered to Jesus is a better example of a Christ follower than a parent who tries to fake perfection” (23). Such a great starting point with this book — we, as parents, have to be all about Jesus first before we can be the parents God wants us to be. And, fake won’t cut it!
Make a list of HOW you prioritize your child[ren]. This is not to make you feel bad or good. This is to open your eyes to what you already do!
Take the personality test with your child — if that is feasible. Obviously, a newborn will be no help in this situation! LOL!
Thoroughly read through each tree-personality chapter, and take NOTES!

What I love about this book:
Chapter breakdown
The beginning of each chapter starts with an agenda so the reader knows exactly what to expect from each chapter.
An example of that personality type
An explanation of HOW TO nurture the personality type (so helpful)
An explanation of HOW TO teach the personality type
An explanation of HOW TO discipline the personality type effectively
An explanation of HOW TO shape the personality type in the way God wants
The HOW TOs are actually helpful and SHOW what to do
There are scripts to follow. You may not use the script, but it’s nice to watch a scenario play out in your head.
This book doesn’t make you feel bad for not knowing things! This may be what I like the best. There is ZERO condemnation here! I’m just super excited to have tools to make a better relationship with my daughter.

WHEW! I know this is a BIG post today, but there is SO much to say about this fantastic parenting text. If you have children, or you are planning to have children, I cannot recommend this book enough. It will really bless you on your parenting journey.

[Bernett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read this book and use it over and over, this has helped me alot with my kids especially the pine tree kid, i couldnt understand why he is so lazy or dont want to do his work, everything i must do for him, the book guided me as a parent that is a boxwood tree to handle him and lobe him and motivate him, i cant get him in my box or want to put him in charge of things he cant handle as he is different in all facts then me, it help me with my palm tree girl who just dont like routine, where i love it, we are so different we think that as parents have raised us that they ways were right and there is one way, i dony care where so get her info or stole it or whatever reasons others will criticse it, if you have kids and you want to understand them use it, if its not for u then its not but this is not witty at all, she have so much experience in this field i think people judge the book by its cover, its a guide the holy spirit is the leader in raising your kids and if not him, i believe still if my mom have use this book for us as kids we were loved more accepted more and understand more in a way that show respect for each other. This is not to put them under a label what tree this is just a way exploring ur child gift and who they are in the way they operate think learn and want to be.

[Leila Tualla · Rating 4 out of 5]

I take most parenting books with a grain of salt. That being said however, I still like to read and learn all I can, as sometimes (most of the time, to be honest), I second guess my ability to parent. We are bombarded with images on social media from our friends, acquaintances, family, and peers and are led (in my opinion) that they're doing better on this parenting thing than I am.
And so I read. I learn.
But I like to read books that give me a different perspective of how I can communicate with my children. I have 2, a "Palm-Rose hybrid" kindergartener and so far, my toddler is showing signs of being a "boxwood." I love the little 'conversational' identifier examples. a practical guide at the end of each chapter and a few reflective questions. I do appreciate this book and would recommend to add to your parenting books...as long as you remember that not all children are going to "fit" in exactly in any categories, even hybrid ones.

​***I received this book through Litfuse in exchange for an honest review. I am not required to write a positive one. These thoughts and opinions are my own.***

[Becky Miller · Rating 2 out of 5]

Parenting is a difficult job, no child arrives with an instruction book, and whether you are a parent of one or many, the innate nature of each child makes the task virtually incomparable. Hettie Brittz’ Growing Kids with Character acknowledges that difference and offers guidance for parents who may be seeking answers.

Using the Tall Tree Parenting Profile, Brittz theories that children are like trees, each requiring different degrees of sunlight, water, fertilizer, care, and pruning. While I didn’t wholeheartedly concur with many of Brittz’ ideas, parents raising children with unique personalities will all agree that what works for one child may not work at all for another.

If nothing else, Growing Kids with Character offers struggling parents alternatives that might bring some relief to the often-overwhelming mission known as raising kind, caring, and well-adjusted human beings.

***A complimentary copy of this book was provided by Litfuse Publicity Group. This review contains my own thoughts and opinions.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really impressed with the analogy in this book and what Hettie had to say about bringing up our children. Hettie uses four types of trees to describe each child's natural traits. She begins by using her gardening experience and how each seed needs a certain type of soil and nutrients. She talks about how it's important to study and learn about each type of plant just as we need to learn about our children and what type of environment they need to grow. She has a section for each personality type (tree type).
I think this book is a great asset to parenting. Hettie shares some of her experience both positive and negative. I have personally learned quite a bit from it, and look forward to putting some of the ideas into practice. It can be read all the way through and then re-read to reinforce the parts that you want to use.
I received a copy of this book courtesy of Litfuse Publicity, the author and publisher. I was not asked to write a positive review. All opinions are my own.

[Pieter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Die boek het baie interessante insae oor die verskillende temperamente. ‘n Goeie hulpmiddel vir my was hoe die verskillende temperamente mekaar kan hanteer om ‘n sterk en gesonde verhouding te bou. Ek dink daar is iets vir elke ouer om huis toe te vat uit die boek. Vir my is dit belangrik om te weet hoe om my kinders gemotiveerd en gelukkig te maak. Die boek bied ‘n goeie vertrekpunt daarvoor. Die struktuur van die boek laat ook toe om slegs op temperamente te fokus wat relevant tot jouself en jou kinders is.

[Leigh Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is phenomenal! It is a book you have to do some work to really get the benefit from it. You need to have your child or children take the tree assessments before moving into those chapters to fully benefit from Hettie's wisdom. When I did this, it helped me understand my daughters' personalities so much better - and how to respond and interact with them better. It removed a lot of frustration for me in my interactions with my kids. This book is awesome!

[Kaari Speer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Both of my children were described to a tee within this book, and I really enjoyed having my reality mirrored back to me so accurately. Included learning about myself! Some of her views might be controversial, but I didn’t find that to take away from the integrity of her message. Will lean on this wisdom in parenting my saplings for sure!
4 instead of 5 because it’s sometimes overly and unnecessarily wordy.

[Colleen Kysor · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Neat Perspective

This book offers 4 main personality types and several combinations of them to explain a child’s personality. There are clear examples and suggestions for how to best parent each one with an emphasis on God’s purpose. You can even assess which type of parent you are and how that affects the type of child you have. This idea calms and organizes my pine tree need for order.

[Christiaan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although the book is directed at parents, it is an enriching read for children too. I learned a lot about my own temperament as well as practical advice, not just theoretical concepts floating about. I also enjoyed the Christian themes of the book and the various scriptural quotations to bolster the writer's arguments. It is a worthwhile manual for parents to consult for practical, specific advice with the daunting task of raising their unique family.

[Pearl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lovely book, explaining Hippocrates' four humours as different kinds of trees, and how to nurture and grow our little "saplings" according to their nature. Some really sound, practical parenting advice, and would recommend reading it alongside Florence Littauer's "Personality Plus" and/or Tim LaHaye's "Spirit-Filled Temperament".

[Dorette Skinner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ek het dit baie geniet om die boek te lees.. Goeie insig in persoonlikheidstipes en hoe om ons kinders te dissiplineer op 'n manier wat vir hul die meeste sal sin maak. Ek sien uit om dit prakties toe te pas op my eie twee boompies wat heeltemal verskillend is van mekaar.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF - I can understand how this might be helpful to some, thus the 2 star rating. Apparently I have 2 palm trees, 1 boxwood, and 1 other I can’t remember. I’m laying this down for now and may pick it back up later.

[Alida De Villiers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life changing! Even helped in my marriage. Every parent’s ‘go-to’ book!

[Emike Adams · Rating 3 out of 5]

it was witty

[Tina Bodill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely on my top list of parenting books to read. Insightful, practical and relevant!

[Monika Malan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good tips but I should have read the English version, I struggled to follow the Afrikaans... And it's my native tongue lol. But a good read nonetheless

[Elsabé · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has made a huge impact on my life, not just my parenting!