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Wild with All Regrets
A decade has passed since Lucas Connolly lost his best friend—and the only man he’s ever loved—in World War I, but he still can’t shake his guilt over Jamie’s death. In fact, ever since losing Jamie, Lucas has heard his friend’s voice inside his head—confused about what happened to him, begging him for help. And now, suddenly, it’s not just Jamie’s voice anymore; now, a specter who looks and acts exactly like Jamie did before his death, and who is demanding answers from Lucas about what happened to him, has begun to haunt him.
Concerned about Lucas’s deteriorating mental state, his friend Angela encourages him to move on with his life, and even sets him up with a coworker whom she suspects is also gay. But Lucas is too consumed with the secret he still keeps about the part he played in Jamie’s death to even begin to form a healthy connection with someone new—and as Jamie’s ghost begins to recover his memories and get closer to the truth, Lucas’s obsession only deepens.
Ultimately, Lucas realizes that his only path forward is to first go backward—that only in examining his troubled youth, facing his deepest self, and shining a light on the shadowed parts of his past will he finally be able to set his old friend, and himself, free.
Concerned about Lucas’s deteriorating mental state, his friend Angela encourages him to move on with his life, and even sets him up with a coworker whom she suspects is also gay. But Lucas is too consumed with the secret he still keeps about the part he played in Jamie’s death to even begin to form a healthy connection with someone new—and as Jamie’s ghost begins to recover his memories and get closer to the truth, Lucas’s obsession only deepens.
Ultimately, Lucas realizes that his only path forward is to first go backward—that only in examining his troubled youth, facing his deepest self, and shining a light on the shadowed parts of his past will he finally be able to set his old friend, and himself, free.
288 pages, Paperback
First published June 13, 2023
6 people are currently reading
2289 people want to read
About the author
E.L. Deards
2 books28 followersE.L. Deards grew up in New York City and earned her undergraduate degree at Barnard College at Columbia University, where she studied Japanese literature and biology. She was then accepted to The University of Edinburgh, where she completed her veterinary degree. She remained in the UK afterward, and since then has split her time between her day job as a vet and her secret passion: writing. Emma has authored a number of humor articles for In Practice, a veterinary magazine, and was the recipient in college of two writing awards: the Oscar Lee Award and the Harumatsuri Award. Her first book, Wild with All Regrets, came out in 2023.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
July 28, 2023
Pride Month Book Read #12: 3.5/5 stars. Review to follow.
Update: So, this seems to be a year with LGBTQ+ novels featuring gay or bisexual soldiers living through/past The Great War. I read two of those books earlier on - "In Memoriam," by Alice Winn, and "The World and All That It Holds," by Aleksandar Hemon - and as much as I had so much looking forward to them, I was deeply disappointed in both of them. (I seem to be very much in the minority regarding "In Memoriam," though.)
I almost didn't want to pick up this book after those earlier disappointments mere months ago, but I'm glad that I did. Some people will be put off by the decidedly NON-linear nature of the book's structure, but I liked the jumps in the timeline, how the reader would be hearing about the two main characters becoming roommates and then LATER in the story coming to a point in the timeline BEFORE that, for example. In other words, the book sometimes asks for, demands, perhaps, a bit of patience and, umm, intelligence? LOL
There's a certain point where the book's narrative "jumps the shark," for want of a better way to describe what starts to happen. Actually, SEVERAL points. But even though I couldn't quite agree with those choices, I think they were pretty daring. Did they entirely work? I don't think so, but I sure like this book A LOT more than the more widely-acclaimed "In Memoriam."
Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for a digital ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.
Update: So, this seems to be a year with LGBTQ+ novels featuring gay or bisexual soldiers living through/past The Great War. I read two of those books earlier on - "In Memoriam," by Alice Winn, and "The World and All That It Holds," by Aleksandar Hemon - and as much as I had so much looking forward to them, I was deeply disappointed in both of them. (I seem to be very much in the minority regarding "In Memoriam," though.)
I almost didn't want to pick up this book after those earlier disappointments mere months ago, but I'm glad that I did. Some people will be put off by the decidedly NON-linear nature of the book's structure, but I liked the jumps in the timeline, how the reader would be hearing about the two main characters becoming roommates and then LATER in the story coming to a point in the timeline BEFORE that, for example. In other words, the book sometimes asks for, demands, perhaps, a bit of patience and, umm, intelligence? LOL
There's a certain point where the book's narrative "jumps the shark," for want of a better way to describe what starts to happen. Actually, SEVERAL points. But even though I couldn't quite agree with those choices, I think they were pretty daring. Did they entirely work? I don't think so, but I sure like this book A LOT more than the more widely-acclaimed "In Memoriam."
Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for a digital ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.
May 29, 2023
Thanks NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book.
Here is a book that caused me bitter-sweet emotions that I will try to summon in this short review. It is the story of Lucas, a boy born in one of the worst neighborhoods of Dublin at the beginning of the 20th century, the oldest son of a loving and caring mother and an alcoholic father who blames his son for his misfortune, and siblings who he needs to help provide the least to their survival. Regardless of life's constant hardships, on a certain rainy day, the tiny 8 years-old Lucas ends up meeting Jamie, a boy two years older from a middle-class family. Though friendship ties require longer to evolve, fondness takes place between the boys. But abruptly, Lucas' father destroys the least his son could ever dream of having a friend who cares for him and who he cares for.
Throughout the next years, fortune plays for both of them, bringing them together into best friends, though Lucas feels deeply in love with Jamie, who does not even notice such feelings, War comes in the way, having both taken to Belgium to fight in the British Army at the Great War. The end of the war sees only one of the boys returning back home to Ireland, and the next 10 year is pure torture to the one who survived the war.
I say that this is a bitter-sweet novel because, if by one side, I felt like it required better writing skills, mostly to avoid being so repetitive at a certain length of how much and deeply Lucas loved his best buddy. But as it progressed, it felt like the author found her way in order to deliver such a heartbreaking story. Not that the first part is bad. It is the opposite, for we mostly follow Lucas in his whereabouts, into turning the man he becomes, regardless of the tortured life he had to face (sexual abuse being part of it). Deards could have lost her hand at it easily, turning the novel into a cheap soap opera of a novel. Yet, it felt to me that she found a sensible and wise way to take her story.
Lucas is one of those characters I might take along life, a character I learned to care about more and more in the novel. Someone who had much more than his share of the worst in life, yet endured, learned to love himself for whom he is, learned to be aggressive to defend himself, but also candid and caring for those who mattered. Someone who, on a moral level, took responsibility for repairing the wrongdoings and faced the consequences of his actions.
Here is a book that caused me bitter-sweet emotions that I will try to summon in this short review. It is the story of Lucas, a boy born in one of the worst neighborhoods of Dublin at the beginning of the 20th century, the oldest son of a loving and caring mother and an alcoholic father who blames his son for his misfortune, and siblings who he needs to help provide the least to their survival. Regardless of life's constant hardships, on a certain rainy day, the tiny 8 years-old Lucas ends up meeting Jamie, a boy two years older from a middle-class family. Though friendship ties require longer to evolve, fondness takes place between the boys. But abruptly, Lucas' father destroys the least his son could ever dream of having a friend who cares for him and who he cares for.
Throughout the next years, fortune plays for both of them, bringing them together into best friends, though Lucas feels deeply in love with Jamie, who does not even notice such feelings, War comes in the way, having both taken to Belgium to fight in the British Army at the Great War. The end of the war sees only one of the boys returning back home to Ireland, and the next 10 year is pure torture to the one who survived the war.
I say that this is a bitter-sweet novel because, if by one side, I felt like it required better writing skills, mostly to avoid being so repetitive at a certain length of how much and deeply Lucas loved his best buddy. But as it progressed, it felt like the author found her way in order to deliver such a heartbreaking story. Not that the first part is bad. It is the opposite, for we mostly follow Lucas in his whereabouts, into turning the man he becomes, regardless of the tortured life he had to face (sexual abuse being part of it). Deards could have lost her hand at it easily, turning the novel into a cheap soap opera of a novel. Yet, it felt to me that she found a sensible and wise way to take her story.
Lucas is one of those characters I might take along life, a character I learned to care about more and more in the novel. Someone who had much more than his share of the worst in life, yet endured, learned to love himself for whom he is, learned to be aggressive to defend himself, but also candid and caring for those who mattered. Someone who, on a moral level, took responsibility for repairing the wrongdoings and faced the consequences of his actions.
May 3, 2023
wild with all regrets, it's true. i am. i wildly regret reading this for one.
Rep: gay mc with PTSD, side character with PTSD, gay side character
CWs: child abuse, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, prostitution, homophobic language & violence
Rep: gay mc with PTSD, side character with PTSD, gay side character
CWs: child abuse, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, prostitution, homophobic language & violence
June 11, 2023
This book is not for the faint of heart. Please be sure to check the content warnings before starting!
Wild With All Regrets is a sad story about Lucas, who had an absolutely awful childhood, and his relationship with his best friend, Jamie. But after they both enlist in the First World War, Jamie dies and Lucas is left with a multitude of guilt.
After ten years, Lucas still can’t let go of Jamie, and he is barely living the life that he should be grateful for.
I was really not sure where this book was going to take me. It was absolutely heartbreaking to read about all the terrible things that Lucas had to do and live through just to survive as a child, but you also felt the hope he had felt when he finally met Jamie. Even then though, it was bitter sweet because Lucas could never really love Jamie in the way that he wanted to.
It’s so hard to read about how gay men were treated and thought of back in that time period, but it also isn’t far from how many are treated today.
I was absolutely shocked with the twist, and felt that it was kind of out of character for Lucas. Sure, I understand his reasoning for what he did, but after everything that happened and everything that he felt, why would it come to that?
The ending was very sad, but also happy in a way. I would recommend this book if you’re looking for an emotional historical fiction.
Thank you to BookSparks for the advance readers copy in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts are my own!
Wild With All Regrets is a sad story about Lucas, who had an absolutely awful childhood, and his relationship with his best friend, Jamie. But after they both enlist in the First World War, Jamie dies and Lucas is left with a multitude of guilt.
After ten years, Lucas still can’t let go of Jamie, and he is barely living the life that he should be grateful for.
I was really not sure where this book was going to take me. It was absolutely heartbreaking to read about all the terrible things that Lucas had to do and live through just to survive as a child, but you also felt the hope he had felt when he finally met Jamie. Even then though, it was bitter sweet because Lucas could never really love Jamie in the way that he wanted to.
It’s so hard to read about how gay men were treated and thought of back in that time period, but it also isn’t far from how many are treated today.
I was absolutely shocked with the twist, and felt that it was kind of out of character for Lucas. Sure, I understand his reasoning for what he did, but after everything that happened and everything that he felt, why would it come to that?
The ending was very sad, but also happy in a way. I would recommend this book if you’re looking for an emotional historical fiction.
Thank you to BookSparks for the advance readers copy in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts are my own!
June 11, 2023
When Lucas gets run out of his home on a rainy night he meets 10-year-old Jamie and Jamie and his dad take them in give them a warm bath clean clothes and a full belly after staying the night with Jamie they both go back to their lives. Lucas to the tenant housing he lives in and Jamie to his life of stability. It would be years later when Lucas tries to pick Jamie‘s pockets that he would run into him again and this is how Lucas found himself following Jamie and entering World War I. It would only be Lucas that lived to see the end of the war and spend the next 10 years morning Jamie‘s loss. The same reason Miss Deertz wrote this book is why I love to read books like this. I feel lucky to have been raised in a family where we were told you love who you love and having to hide something that comes so natural is torturous in itself not to mention how most of the public treats those who are different from them I just can’t even imagine end for Lucas to mourn Jamie at a time where it wasn’t even OK to love him is unimaginable I am so glad he had his friend Angela not to say that east any of his sadness and for it to go where he did whether it be mental illness or actual paranormal happenings I guess is left for the reader to the side I would prefer to think it is Jamie contacting Lucas from the grave but that is just me. This is a book that will sit with me for a long time and one I haven’t stopped thinking about since finished reading it. I am so glad we are seeing a time where people can love who they love and not have to hide it. Kudos to Miss Deertz for a great but sad and bitter sweet read. If you were contemplating reading this book just know they have every form of child abuse but if you can stomach that it truly is a beautiful but sad story. I received this book from NetGalley and the publisher but I am leaving this review voluntarily please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review.
May 30, 2023
Thank you NetGalley, She Writes Press and E.L Deards for providing me with an advanced copy of Wild with All Regrets to review.
3.5 rounded up.
This is a very compelling book. It is truly something that I will sit with for a while. It has literally taken me days to consider and write this review. This is a very difficult read to review. There is a spoiler section below because I can't really discuss this without it.
This story is a deep dive into the impacts of war, social disadvantage, mental illness and homophobia in the early 20th century. Maybe Trauma Porn is the correct term here? Honestly, Lucas had nothing going for him, basically through no fault of his own but purely birth circumstances. The only thing going for him is the strange relationship between him and Jamie, which Jamie should have realised Lucas wanted to be more than platonic.
I think that the criticism of the use of language and scene setting for the early 20th century are valid. I personally prefer contemporary writing so I wasn't bothered by this but if you are wanting an accurate historical piece then this might not work for you. I can confirm (via google) that 'Fish'n'Chips' arrived in Ireland in the late 19th/early 20th centuries.
SPOILERS BELOW
It is like the modern history version of The Song of Achilles or They Both Die At The End but not as strong due to the role our MC plays in his trauma. It a grief ridden story that gets a little strange with either paranormal activity or serious health issues that aren't treated. And to be honest, I can see both of these options being true. I am not sure if we ever find out if Jamies middle name is Alan (Allen? I can't remember the spelling) to give us clarity on this.
It is just so sad but that doesn't necessarily mean it is good, I don't know if I am educated enough to be the person that decides if this a well written or not. It is a sad story, centered on the sad circumstances of war and how devastating it is on the individuals involved, their families and communities. For me it depicts the wide spread trauma that war has and made me consider the impact that it must have for generations to come.
3.5 rounded up.
This is a very compelling book. It is truly something that I will sit with for a while. It has literally taken me days to consider and write this review. This is a very difficult read to review. There is a spoiler section below because I can't really discuss this without it.
This story is a deep dive into the impacts of war, social disadvantage, mental illness and homophobia in the early 20th century. Maybe Trauma Porn is the correct term here? Honestly, Lucas had nothing going for him, basically through no fault of his own but purely birth circumstances. The only thing going for him is the strange relationship between him and Jamie, which Jamie should have realised Lucas wanted to be more than platonic.
I think that the criticism of the use of language and scene setting for the early 20th century are valid. I personally prefer contemporary writing so I wasn't bothered by this but if you are wanting an accurate historical piece then this might not work for you. I can confirm (via google) that 'Fish'n'Chips' arrived in Ireland in the late 19th/early 20th centuries.
SPOILERS BELOW
It is like the modern history version of The Song of Achilles or They Both Die At The End but not as strong due to the role our MC plays in his trauma. It a grief ridden story that gets a little strange with either paranormal activity or serious health issues that aren't treated. And to be honest, I can see both of these options being true. I am not sure if we ever find out if Jamies middle name is Alan (Allen? I can't remember the spelling) to give us clarity on this.
It is just so sad but that doesn't necessarily mean it is good, I don't know if I am educated enough to be the person that decides if this a well written or not. It is a sad story, centered on the sad circumstances of war and how devastating it is on the individuals involved, their families and communities. For me it depicts the wide spread trauma that war has and made me consider the impact that it must have for generations to come.
May 16, 2023
i received an arc of this book via netgalley in exchange for an honest review. i enjoyed some parts of it, particularly those exploring jamie and lucas’s relationship in the early days where jamie was an uni. around the part where jamie’s ghost came in i lost interest pretty fast. i ended up DNFing this book at 74% as i didn’t feel any interest in continuing.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 8, 2023
This book discusses many heavy topics; so first and foremost, please check out the trigger and content warnings beforehand.
This book is truly heartbreaking and the story will sit with me for days to come. It heavily discusses the impacts of war, mental illness, social classes, and homophobia. It's thought-provoking, sad, and incredibly eye-opening.
This book is truly heartbreaking and the story will sit with me for days to come. It heavily discusses the impacts of war, mental illness, social classes, and homophobia. It's thought-provoking, sad, and incredibly eye-opening.
April 26, 2023
I did enjoy the story of Jamie and Lucas.
I think it could have been a bit shorter but yet a very good read.
I think it could have been a bit shorter but yet a very good read.
July 10, 2023
2.5 stars. Jaysus, that was depressing. RTC
Update 7/10/2023: The premise of this was perfect for me - ghost, angst, gay men, and a world war. However, the execution didn't quite live up to my expectations.
This book takes place in Ireland before and after the war and some during the Battle of Courtrai (1918) in Belgium. Lucas is an Irish man who grew up in the poorest parts of Dublin and meets Jamie, a middleclass son of a barrister. They become fast friends, mostly due to Jamie being a very friendly and talkative child, and keep their friendship throughout most of their lives after. They sign up to fight in WWI together and are lucky enough to be trained and stationed together, probably due to Jamie's father's influence. Also, because of how British military service levels work (rich privilege, etc.), Jamie is automatically Lucas' superior officer. However, Jamie doesn't take to the war well at all and has a mental breakdown. Lucas tries everything to help Jamie keep it together but, right before the war ends, something happens during a battle and Jamie dies. While Lucas doesn't completely breakdown, he still has horrible PTSD and spends the next 10 years living his life for Jamie's memory. But then, on the 10th anniversary of Jamie's death, Lucas sees Jamie's ghost.
Now the ghost rules here aren't really explained and they don't adhere to what I prefer for the "rules" of a haunting. Besides being incorporeal, Jamie seems to have all his old personality, memories, etc. and doesn't seem to need energy to be visible and vocal. Lucas had been hearing his name called for an unmentioned short amount of time before he finally sees Jamie but then one day he's just there. Because it's the anniversary? Who knows.
There also doesn't really seem to be an actual point to the book. Lucas' life is all about Jamie from the time they're reunited as young students until the end of this book for no other reason than he falls in love with Jamie. However, Jamie is very straight, to the point where he doesn't even notice his friends' affections despite living together and spending a lot of time outside of the apartment and all through the war. I find it hard to believe that Jamie wouldn't have noticed or suspected anything at all - maybe not that Lucas loved HIM but he would have gleaned that he preferred men at the least. When we get to the major revelation of the book and then the subsequent fallout 10 years later after the anniversary, the book kind of just ends. It's a majorly depressing end but also feels anticlimactic and pointless.
The book jumps around in the timeline but Deads does a good job of marking every chapter with the year so you don't get lost. And the writing is ok, but some of it sounded a little off to me since it's written by an Irish writer with Irish characters so keep that in mind.
Overall, it was an interesting premise but I think it needed to be sussed out a little more. There should have been maybe less of Lucas simply pining alone and more of their actual relationship; maybe switch between MC's POVs so we can get more motivation from the characters.
Update 7/10/2023: The premise of this was perfect for me - ghost, angst, gay men, and a world war. However, the execution didn't quite live up to my expectations.
This book takes place in Ireland before and after the war and some during the Battle of Courtrai (1918) in Belgium. Lucas is an Irish man who grew up in the poorest parts of Dublin and meets Jamie, a middleclass son of a barrister. They become fast friends, mostly due to Jamie being a very friendly and talkative child, and keep their friendship throughout most of their lives after. They sign up to fight in WWI together and are lucky enough to be trained and stationed together, probably due to Jamie's father's influence. Also, because of how British military service levels work (rich privilege, etc.), Jamie is automatically Lucas' superior officer. However, Jamie doesn't take to the war well at all and has a mental breakdown. Lucas tries everything to help Jamie keep it together but, right before the war ends, something happens during a battle and Jamie dies. While Lucas doesn't completely breakdown, he still has horrible PTSD and spends the next 10 years living his life for Jamie's memory. But then, on the 10th anniversary of Jamie's death, Lucas sees Jamie's ghost.
Now the ghost rules here aren't really explained and they don't adhere to what I prefer for the "rules" of a haunting. Besides being incorporeal, Jamie seems to have all his old personality, memories, etc. and doesn't seem to need energy to be visible and vocal. Lucas had been hearing his name called for an unmentioned short amount of time before he finally sees Jamie but then one day he's just there. Because it's the anniversary? Who knows.
There also doesn't really seem to be an actual point to the book. Lucas' life is all about Jamie from the time they're reunited as young students until the end of this book for no other reason than he falls in love with Jamie. However, Jamie is very straight, to the point where he doesn't even notice his friends' affections despite living together and spending a lot of time outside of the apartment and all through the war. I find it hard to believe that Jamie wouldn't have noticed or suspected anything at all - maybe not that Lucas loved HIM but he would have gleaned that he preferred men at the least. When we get to the major revelation of the book and then the subsequent fallout 10 years later after the anniversary, the book kind of just ends. It's a majorly depressing end but also feels anticlimactic and pointless.
The book jumps around in the timeline but Deads does a good job of marking every chapter with the year so you don't get lost. And the writing is ok, but some of it sounded a little off to me since it's written by an Irish writer with Irish characters so keep that in mind.
Overall, it was an interesting premise but I think it needed to be sussed out a little more. There should have been maybe less of Lucas simply pining alone and more of their actual relationship; maybe switch between MC's POVs so we can get more motivation from the characters.
June 11, 2023
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me a digital copy of this book to give my feedback.
Wild with All Regrets is a story about an Irish war veteran, Lucas Connelly, and his journey through grief and guilt. Upon the past 10 years of mourning the loss of his dear friend, Jamie, Lucas has not been able to move on with his life. Struggling with his unrequited love of Jamie, through one-night stands, Lucas has seen phantom traces of Jamie everywhere. Until one day, Jamie materializes and shows himself to Lucas. Lucas, with Jamie in tow, must face his past to help Jamie, and himself, move on.
Lucas is the central point of view character and the entire story is framed from his perspective. This novel displayed interesting dynamics with the backdrop of the early 1900's. All of the characters are loveable and memorable; especially Lucas and Jamie. The book does a great job in jumping back and forth in time throughout the novel. You are able to experience Lucas and Jamie's relationship from their childhood, until Lucas can see Jamie's specter. The book can be dissected into three sections that the author weaves the reader towards: Lucas' childhood, during wartime, and after the war. The reader is able to be transported to various times in Lucas' life that shaped him to be the person we see in HIS present time. The reader is able to see the character arc that brought him to his current state and his character arc when Jamie's ghost visits him.
The book explore the difference between platonic and romantic love, and how they can intersect at some points. With the 1900's being the backdrop timeframe in the narrative, homophobic ideologies are present while showcasing LGBTQ people existing in the time period. One of the supporting characters is supportive of Lucas being gay and has actively pushed him into romantic endeavors.
There are some drawback of the narrative. Lucas' childhood trauma is, at some points, explicit and can make the reader uncomfortable with the subject matter. There is even a line where Lucas theorizes that his sexuality is fueled from his trauma. I want to preface that this might not be the author's intent, however, that idea can create the misconception of sexuality being a "choice or effect of trauma, which can be cured". The topic isn't discussed in further detail and the narrative continues, but it left an impression on me that I couldn't shake. I would advise future readers that if content that features child abuse and sexual abuse is a trigger, to skip certain parts of this book.
Overall, I though the book was well written and expressed interesting ideas of what grief, guilt, and retribution should look like.
Wild with All Regrets is a story about an Irish war veteran, Lucas Connelly, and his journey through grief and guilt. Upon the past 10 years of mourning the loss of his dear friend, Jamie, Lucas has not been able to move on with his life. Struggling with his unrequited love of Jamie, through one-night stands, Lucas has seen phantom traces of Jamie everywhere. Until one day, Jamie materializes and shows himself to Lucas. Lucas, with Jamie in tow, must face his past to help Jamie, and himself, move on.
Lucas is the central point of view character and the entire story is framed from his perspective. This novel displayed interesting dynamics with the backdrop of the early 1900's. All of the characters are loveable and memorable; especially Lucas and Jamie. The book does a great job in jumping back and forth in time throughout the novel. You are able to experience Lucas and Jamie's relationship from their childhood, until Lucas can see Jamie's specter. The book can be dissected into three sections that the author weaves the reader towards: Lucas' childhood, during wartime, and after the war. The reader is able to be transported to various times in Lucas' life that shaped him to be the person we see in HIS present time. The reader is able to see the character arc that brought him to his current state and his character arc when Jamie's ghost visits him.
The book explore the difference between platonic and romantic love, and how they can intersect at some points. With the 1900's being the backdrop timeframe in the narrative, homophobic ideologies are present while showcasing LGBTQ people existing in the time period. One of the supporting characters is supportive of Lucas being gay and has actively pushed him into romantic endeavors.
There are some drawback of the narrative. Lucas' childhood trauma is, at some points, explicit and can make the reader uncomfortable with the subject matter. There is even a line where Lucas theorizes that his sexuality is fueled from his trauma. I want to preface that this might not be the author's intent, however, that idea can create the misconception of sexuality being a "choice or effect of trauma, which can be cured". The topic isn't discussed in further detail and the narrative continues, but it left an impression on me that I couldn't shake. I would advise future readers that if content that features child abuse and sexual abuse is a trigger, to skip certain parts of this book.
Overall, I though the book was well written and expressed interesting ideas of what grief, guilt, and retribution should look like.
May 15, 2023
This was an absolute emotional rollercoaster. I wrote that first sentence and then just sat stunned for about six solid minutes trying to gather my thoughts. First off, massive trigger warnings for anyone who reads this: it deals with extremely heavy subject matter including child abuse, sexual assault, homophobia, violence, etc.
The good:
There is some really beautiful prose written in here; you can’t deny that. The time jumps were also handled really nicely, and I was never in any state of confusion over where we were meant to be in the story.
While there was some really contemporary sounding dialogue and writing, it never particularly took me out of the story, and it didn’t ruin the historic setting.
The not as good, in my opinion:
From the summary, I assumed this was going to be a tragic love story – two men separated by war and by a time period where they couldn’t be themselves – mixed with the supernatural of having one of them return from the dead.
What I got in actually was a tragedy, to be sure, but I’m honestly not sure what the takeaway is here. At times, this was beautifully written, poignant, and unflinching. At other times, it felt like it was tragedy piled on tragedy for no other reason than to shake the reader up.
SPOILERS:
The twist that Jamie died at Lucas’ hand just felt like it came from nowhere. I had to go back through just to make sure I hadn’t missed some foreshadowing, some hint that this was coming. Lucas’ guilt at not preventing Jamie’s death made enough sense when the reader just thinks that he couldn’t pull him out of the path of a bullet. It just felt so forced to have Lucas directly be the one who shot Jamie. It felt very out of character, and it took me out completely.
Regardless, I’ll be thinking about this book for a while.
The good:
There is some really beautiful prose written in here; you can’t deny that. The time jumps were also handled really nicely, and I was never in any state of confusion over where we were meant to be in the story.
While there was some really contemporary sounding dialogue and writing, it never particularly took me out of the story, and it didn’t ruin the historic setting.
The not as good, in my opinion:
From the summary, I assumed this was going to be a tragic love story – two men separated by war and by a time period where they couldn’t be themselves – mixed with the supernatural of having one of them return from the dead.
What I got in actually was a tragedy, to be sure, but I’m honestly not sure what the takeaway is here. At times, this was beautifully written, poignant, and unflinching. At other times, it felt like it was tragedy piled on tragedy for no other reason than to shake the reader up.
SPOILERS:
The twist that Jamie died at Lucas’ hand just felt like it came from nowhere. I had to go back through just to make sure I hadn’t missed some foreshadowing, some hint that this was coming. Lucas’ guilt at not preventing Jamie’s death made enough sense when the reader just thinks that he couldn’t pull him out of the path of a bullet. It just felt so forced to have Lucas directly be the one who shot Jamie. It felt very out of character, and it took me out completely.
Regardless, I’ll be thinking about this book for a while.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 13, 2023
This book was a hard and emotional read. It discussed some really tough topics like abuse. I think one of the hardest parts was having to watch Lucas learn to accept and love himself the way he was; which was not an easy task for him. The book has a lot of self-hate pretty early on. I liked that the book jumped around in the timeline some. We got tidbits of Lucas's childhood and then adulthood; most interesting is that Jamie was central to most of these moments for Lucas. It is truly a sad story because Lucas is so in love with Jamie that even in death Jamie is the focus of Lucas's life.
Lucas and Jamie join in the fight in WWI and poor Jamie soon begins to suffer shell shock; which is hard for Lucas to watch. It isn't long after this that Jamie dies and Lucas carries some guilt that we don't uncover until the end of the story. I really enjoyed watching Lucas acknowledge his love for Jamie while also realizing Jamie only saw him as a friend. The story got a little weird for me when the ghost element was thrown in because it didn't seem to fit; and is honestly the only reason I'm not giving it more stars. It did feel a bit rushed towards the end, but overall this is an amazing, heartbreaking and moving story of love and friendship.
Lucas and Jamie join in the fight in WWI and poor Jamie soon begins to suffer shell shock; which is hard for Lucas to watch. It isn't long after this that Jamie dies and Lucas carries some guilt that we don't uncover until the end of the story. I really enjoyed watching Lucas acknowledge his love for Jamie while also realizing Jamie only saw him as a friend. The story got a little weird for me when the ghost element was thrown in because it didn't seem to fit; and is honestly the only reason I'm not giving it more stars. It did feel a bit rushed towards the end, but overall this is an amazing, heartbreaking and moving story of love and friendship.
May 8, 2023
Wild With All Regrets is not the type of book that I would typically read. While I enjoy historical fiction, I tend to stray away from books about war. However, while the pivotal moments of this book occur during world war one, I wouldn’t classify this as a war book.
This book follows Lucas Connolly and it’s been 10 years after his best friend and the love of his life, Jamie died in World War 1. As was true in this time period, you couldn’t be an openly gay man, so instead Lucas kept this side of himself hidden from everyone, including Jamie.
My thoughts: This books jumps back and forth in time. You’ll find yourself in 1914 on one page, in 1928 a few pages later, and 1906 in a few more pages. While I like a book that jumps around through different time periods or perspectives, I almost found that the frequency of time jumps was a bit much for my taste. Due to this, it was a bit difficult for me to get through. On top of the time jumps, the pace was quite slow.
Regardless, I did enjoy the plot of this book. Lucas had some great friendships throughout the book with characters like Jamie and Angela.
Thank you to She Writes Press and NetGalley for this ARC.
This book follows Lucas Connolly and it’s been 10 years after his best friend and the love of his life, Jamie died in World War 1. As was true in this time period, you couldn’t be an openly gay man, so instead Lucas kept this side of himself hidden from everyone, including Jamie.
My thoughts: This books jumps back and forth in time. You’ll find yourself in 1914 on one page, in 1928 a few pages later, and 1906 in a few more pages. While I like a book that jumps around through different time periods or perspectives, I almost found that the frequency of time jumps was a bit much for my taste. Due to this, it was a bit difficult for me to get through. On top of the time jumps, the pace was quite slow.
Regardless, I did enjoy the plot of this book. Lucas had some great friendships throughout the book with characters like Jamie and Angela.
Thank you to She Writes Press and NetGalley for this ARC.
June 15, 2023
"Wild with All Regrets" is a radiant love story that stands as a testament to the resilience and courage of the LGBTQAI+ community and leaves a lasting impression on the reader as a vibrant narrative imbued with a rich mix of emotion, passion, and acceptance.
This isn't just a book about love; it's a tribute to those who have loved from the margins against odds that often seemed insurmountable. It brilliantly captures the nuanced experiences of those on the margins of society, shedding light on the struggles and triumphs often overlooked in traditional narratives. At the same time, it weaves in universal themes of love, loss, and self-discovery relatable to a broad audience.
The characters are compellingly real; their journey is human and heart-wrenching.
E.L. Deard's writing style is fluid and poignant, with moments of pure poetry. It balances the harsh realities of societal discrimination with moments of profound tenderness and beauty.
This isn't just a book about love; it's a tribute to those who have loved from the margins against odds that often seemed insurmountable. It brilliantly captures the nuanced experiences of those on the margins of society, shedding light on the struggles and triumphs often overlooked in traditional narratives. At the same time, it weaves in universal themes of love, loss, and self-discovery relatable to a broad audience.
The characters are compellingly real; their journey is human and heart-wrenching.
E.L. Deard's writing style is fluid and poignant, with moments of pure poetry. It balances the harsh realities of societal discrimination with moments of profound tenderness and beauty.
June 27, 2023
Thank you @booksparks @shewritespress for this complimentary early copy in exchange for my honest review. I am so happy to be part of this read!!!
Nature versus nurture?!? This book is a perfect opportunity to pay homage and celebrate Pride’s LGBTQ this month for the dedication and commitment. This book is something that will keep me pondering for years. It is so well-written about how people viewed homosexuality then and 21st century now. This book is bitter-sweet, painful and full of angst that Lucas faced throughout his life while also dealing with his prolonged love to Jamie. There were parts that I wanted to smack Lucas but at the same feeling sympathetic to him too. The book was written in two different timelines, WWI and post WWI, so the storyline touched upon the history and themes. There are many trigger warnings such as child abuse, but I see it as an important part of the story. In this book, Forever Love is real and true.
Nature versus nurture?!? This book is a perfect opportunity to pay homage and celebrate Pride’s LGBTQ this month for the dedication and commitment. This book is something that will keep me pondering for years. It is so well-written about how people viewed homosexuality then and 21st century now. This book is bitter-sweet, painful and full of angst that Lucas faced throughout his life while also dealing with his prolonged love to Jamie. There were parts that I wanted to smack Lucas but at the same feeling sympathetic to him too. The book was written in two different timelines, WWI and post WWI, so the storyline touched upon the history and themes. There are many trigger warnings such as child abuse, but I see it as an important part of the story. In this book, Forever Love is real and true.
May 4, 2023
This is a pretty dark read. We follow Lucas who has some pretty dark traumatic things happening throughout his life. And for a good chunk of his life after the war he's been mourning the loss of his best friend Jamie. Who he feels a heap of guilt over. His life fell apart when Jamie died. The boy who gave him shelter when they were young boys.
I enjoyed this book for the most part. But I'll admit It feels like it goes on forever. It probably could have been shorter. You learn about Jamie's death roughly 60% in maybe a bit earlier than that and you watch Lucas stumble through that and dealing with Jamie's ghost.
Some of this book is hard to read and not for the faint of heart.
I was given an arc from netgalley for an honest review.
I enjoyed this book for the most part. But I'll admit It feels like it goes on forever. It probably could have been shorter. You learn about Jamie's death roughly 60% in maybe a bit earlier than that and you watch Lucas stumble through that and dealing with Jamie's ghost.
Some of this book is hard to read and not for the faint of heart.
I was given an arc from netgalley for an honest review.
June 22, 2023
Wild with All Regrets is a very sad, emotional story. It has taken me a while to write a review because I have been dwelling on it.
This book addresses heavy issues such as poverty, sexual abuse, homophobia, mental illness, grief and the horror and futility of war. It follows Lucas, a poor boy from the slums of Dublin growing up prior to the "Great War" who befriends and falls in love with Jamie, who comes from a privileged family.
It is difficult to know whether the plot is based on paranormal activity or the manifestation of untreated trauma. The book is compelling but can be repetitive at times; it could have been shorter. 3.5 stars rounded up
Thank you to @BookSparks and the author for a gifted copy.
This book addresses heavy issues such as poverty, sexual abuse, homophobia, mental illness, grief and the horror and futility of war. It follows Lucas, a poor boy from the slums of Dublin growing up prior to the "Great War" who befriends and falls in love with Jamie, who comes from a privileged family.
It is difficult to know whether the plot is based on paranormal activity or the manifestation of untreated trauma. The book is compelling but can be repetitive at times; it could have been shorter. 3.5 stars rounded up
Thank you to @BookSparks and the author for a gifted copy.
October 27, 2023
There seem to be quite a few Queer books lately that are coming from a historical perspective and I have read a few that have soldiers as main characters.
This was a solid story, but I have to admit up-front that I struggle with non-linear timelines.
There is a lot of heavy content in this one so I would suggest that folks read any content warnings available.
Well-written, sad, emotional. Definitely won't be for everyone. Certainly not a pleasant read. I prefer books with a bit more of a positive path, but this will appeal to some folks.
This was a solid story, but I have to admit up-front that I struggle with non-linear timelines.
There is a lot of heavy content in this one so I would suggest that folks read any content warnings available.
Well-written, sad, emotional. Definitely won't be for everyone. Certainly not a pleasant read. I prefer books with a bit more of a positive path, but this will appeal to some folks.
June 13, 2023
Meet Lucas, a kid with a horrible childhood (trigger warnings). I was so happy when he found a friend - one that he was attracted to - but could never love as he wanted. Lucas learned to accept himself, to defend himself, and cared for those closest to him. As the story unfolded, he was able to take responsibility for his actions. As with any good story, there’s a twist. One that drove the story but that doesn’t mean I had to like it. The ending left me with a bittersweet lump in my throat.
June 27, 2023
This is a beautiful story of love and the complexities of an enduring friendship. Lucas' love, gratitude and best intentions lead him to make a decision he cannot undo with consequences he did not anticipate. A fascinating work by an author with a lyrical voice offering new perspectives to the perpetual question of how to honor and protect the ones we love in a mad world.
July 24, 2023
I went into this book thinking that I wasn’t going to like it based on reviews. Boy, was I wrong! I thought this story was many dimensional and very deep. The beginning was a little slow, and the story was a bit repetitive, but it was made up for at the end. I want to thank Goodreads for this ARC. It’s one of those books that I wouldn’t have otherwise picked up. I recommend it.
August 11, 2023
Wild with All Regrets provided what I imagine to be a realistic viewpoint of what it was like for a gay man in the early 20th century. The family dynamics that Lucas experiences, particularly with his father, had been nothing short of heartbreaking. When he sought out aid from others, he often found himself at the receiving end of either judgment and mistreatment, or at times, duplicitous behavior. His relationship with Jamie spans several years and ends up becoming a lifeline of sorts. He’s the only person Lucas can trust.
It was hard not to want to ship the two men together. Lucas is all hard edges and rough sensibilities, while Jamie is lightness and levity. He helps to calm Lucas, while Lucas has an unwavering loyalty for Jamie. He would honestly do anything for him, even at the risk of jeopardizing his own feelings, considering Lucas is sure that his romantic feelings for Jamie are not reciprocated. Given the severity of their relationship, it didn’t surprise me that when Lucas loses Jamie to the war, that Lucas has a really hard time carrying on.
The time frames provided really helped in giving the reader a better understanding of who the primary characters are, and more importantly, why they are the way they are. With some chapters, both men are children. In others, we see them as young adults, and then, as grown men who are trying to navigate a world where there is little tolerance for those considered “different.” I felt like the descriptions of that era were spot on. Like I was really there in the early 1900s.
The ghost aspect to this was interesting. Is Jamie really a ghost, or is it something Lucas has manifested to try to help him ease the burden of losing the great love of his life? Wild with All Regrets takes you into an introspective part of yourself while you examine that aspect and many others–it was a very deep experience.
It was hard not to want to ship the two men together. Lucas is all hard edges and rough sensibilities, while Jamie is lightness and levity. He helps to calm Lucas, while Lucas has an unwavering loyalty for Jamie. He would honestly do anything for him, even at the risk of jeopardizing his own feelings, considering Lucas is sure that his romantic feelings for Jamie are not reciprocated. Given the severity of their relationship, it didn’t surprise me that when Lucas loses Jamie to the war, that Lucas has a really hard time carrying on.
The time frames provided really helped in giving the reader a better understanding of who the primary characters are, and more importantly, why they are the way they are. With some chapters, both men are children. In others, we see them as young adults, and then, as grown men who are trying to navigate a world where there is little tolerance for those considered “different.” I felt like the descriptions of that era were spot on. Like I was really there in the early 1900s.
The ghost aspect to this was interesting. Is Jamie really a ghost, or is it something Lucas has manifested to try to help him ease the burden of losing the great love of his life? Wild with All Regrets takes you into an introspective part of yourself while you examine that aspect and many others–it was a very deep experience.
March 28, 2023
An eye opening tale in the after of a war when two young men's lives are shattered. At a time when homophobia was high this was one story you won't soon forget. I cried and felt for these character so hard. This is a gut jerking story that you wont want to leave.
June 26, 2023
✨Wild with All Regrets✨
This book tells a touching story of love, friendship, and sorrow with
a supernatural flare. It showcases the internal battle of grief and
regrets that left me with an emotional yet enlightened feeling. It
goes to show, that against all odds, love will always conquer.
This book tells a touching story of love, friendship, and sorrow with
a supernatural flare. It showcases the internal battle of grief and
regrets that left me with an emotional yet enlightened feeling. It
goes to show, that against all odds, love will always conquer.
September 4, 2023
Not something I would normally pick up but very glad I did. Needs a trigger warning attached for the first quarter but I enjoyed the flitting between timelines and the absolute plot twist in the middle.
April 30, 2023
A poignant study of unrequited love during the First Worlf War. Haunting and beautiful.
April 30, 2023
This is an intriguing, original book about two WWI soldiers and the unacknowledged bond between them, transcending even death. I couldn't put it down.
June 9, 2023
This book broke me! It’s a rough read with some unsettling topics but the love Lucas has for Jamie is so beautiful I can’t stop thinking about it. And that ending!!
June 14, 2023
This novel is a deep and unforgettable read.
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