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248 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 14, 2023
Elliot read the noticeboard next to the snack machine while he peeled his banana. Half the board was cork, with all the typical notices one expected to see. The other half was a whiteboard, with several magnetized markers attached. Evil Plan Ideas—Best Idea Gets an Amazon Gift Card! A few were scratched out, but Elliot read the rest with increasing amounts of disbelief.
Destroy all the world’s kelp. (Yusef from accounting)
Virus that erases everyone’s Contact Lists in their phones. (Nikolai from R&D)
Autocorrect changes everything to sexual innuendo. (Seb from Security)
Brainwash everyone into remembering a movie that doesn’t exist. (Goncharov, HR)
Elliot shook his head. “Is he serious?” he wondered aloud.
“I imagine,” said Anthony blithely, as if enemy guards captured him every week, “that you’re holding the radio because you’re about to call in your discovery of two spies in your labs.”
The guard rolled his eyes. “Uh, no, I’m holding my radio because you’ve both been arguing for so long that I already did.”
Which was when, in a spectacular show of excellent timing, the cavalry appeared behind him.
“Ah,” said Anthony, reasonably lifting his hands in surrender. “Well then. Carry on.”
“Um, sorry, no,” said Elliot from behind Anthony. “What’s going on here?”
The guard looked at Anthony. “Who’s he?”
“He’s new,” Anthony apologized.
“Yes!” chirped Elliot. “I’m new. It’s my first time being caught in a super villain’s secret underground base. Can you tell me what’s happening? In excruciating detail, please, take your time while we stand here in this otherwise very unimportant room where I can’t do anything but listen to you.”
The guard looked back at Anthony. “Don’t you brief your partners on this sort of thing anymore?”