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I Will Die On This Hill: Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World
There is a significant divide between autistic advocates and parents of autistic children. Parents may feel attacked for their lack of understanding, and autistic adults who offer insight and guidance are also met with hostility and rejection.
Meghan Ashburn, a mother of two autistic boys, and Jules Edwards, an autistic parent, were no strangers to this tension and had an adversarial relationship when they first met. Over time, the two resolved their differences and are now co-conspirators in the pursuit of disability justice.
This book unites both perspectives, exploring the rift between these communities and encouraging them to work towards a common goal. It provides context to dividing issues, and the authors use their experience to illustrate where they've messed up, where they've got things right, and what they've learned along the way.
Meghan Ashburn, a mother of two autistic boys, and Jules Edwards, an autistic parent, were no strangers to this tension and had an adversarial relationship when they first met. Over time, the two resolved their differences and are now co-conspirators in the pursuit of disability justice.
This book unites both perspectives, exploring the rift between these communities and encouraging them to work towards a common goal. It provides context to dividing issues, and the authors use their experience to illustrate where they've messed up, where they've got things right, and what they've learned along the way.
256 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 19, 2023
134 people are currently reading
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March 4, 2023I had hoped for a view of autism from autistic adults or parents of adult children with autism. There are books by adults with autism, but not many that I have found, outside of the very prolific, high-functioning professor, Temple Grandin. But this is not the book.
I've only read a few chapters so far but it has degenerated into yet another attack on white, capitalist 'linear' society. I'm not saying that all the authors are wrong in their assessment of society and disabled people, but I didn't want to read another identity politics book.
One of the authors, who self-identifies as an exceptionally intelligent Ojibwe matriarch of the Eagle clan on Turtle Island, but raised by a white father and Native mother within white society until she was 14 when she went to live with her Ojibwe grandmother which finally made her happy. She says that in school she was always told she wasn't trying hard enough so from that, and the fact she is the mother of autistic children, I gather she is very high-functioning.
But that, she would say, is a value judgement from my white Abrahamic colonial-capitalist linear worldview in which she says that someone is judged 'high-functioning' if they can contribute to capitalism. She says there is no word for 'disabled' in Ojibwe because it is accepted, it is part of life, in other words disabled is just a variety of human being and nothing that needs special treatment.
Having said that, she then writes a chapter on the difficulty getting a diagnosis for herself and children and in accessing treatment for herself and children in this white Abrahamic capitalist etc society she so despises. Which way is the wind blowing? Is she standing in the middle and turning this way and that? It's doing my head in.
Rant on trying to find if new books really are any good
I've only read a few chapters so far but it has degenerated into yet another attack on white, capitalist 'linear' society. I'm not saying that all the authors are wrong in their assessment of society and disabled people, but I didn't want to read another identity politics book.
One of the authors, who self-identifies as an exceptionally intelligent Ojibwe matriarch of the Eagle clan on Turtle Island, but raised by a white father and Native mother within white society until she was 14 when she went to live with her Ojibwe grandmother which finally made her happy. She says that in school she was always told she wasn't trying hard enough so from that, and the fact she is the mother of autistic children, I gather she is very high-functioning.
But that, she would say, is a value judgement from my white Abrahamic colonial-capitalist linear worldview in which she says that someone is judged 'high-functioning' if they can contribute to capitalism. She says there is no word for 'disabled' in Ojibwe because it is accepted, it is part of life, in other words disabled is just a variety of human being and nothing that needs special treatment.
Having said that, she then writes a chapter on the difficulty getting a diagnosis for herself and children and in accessing treatment for herself and children in this white Abrahamic capitalist etc society she so despises. Which way is the wind blowing? Is she standing in the middle and turning this way and that? It's doing my head in.
Rant on trying to find if new books really are any good
July 13, 2022
There are a lot of books about Autism, but I Will Die on This Hill is one of the most unique books I've read so far, and I truly believe this book could be life changing for many people. It is written in a conversational style, with love, passion, humility and a true desire to see a better world for all Autistic and disabled people.
What Meghan and Jules have set out to do, is try and bridge the gap between Autistic people and non-Autistic parents of Autistic children. I think everybody who's been on the internet in any Autism related space has witnessed, or been part of, the frequent divide between these two 'hills'. But, the point of this book is that everyone has the same root goal, which is a better life for Autistic children. Now, the idea of what a 'better life' IS, often becomes the root of the argument, but this book brings in ideas, resources and plausible solutions on how we can all better connect and work together on a shared goal.
I am going to be honest, this book is going to make various people feel uncomfortable. Because, you have to be willing to challenge your bias and your ego, and put those things aside. Even though I've been learning for years now, regarding Autism and being a better communicator, this book still provided me with valuable reminders and additional tips on how to better 'bridge the gap'. Being a late identified Autistic parent, like Jules, I often feel like I'm in the middle and sometimes not seen by either side. I feel like the mission of this book is something we need more than anything else. Because, when we stand together, we have a much better chance to making long lasting change.
This book made me cry. A lot. But, it made me cry, because I felt so seen. And, it made me cry, because I hurt for all the Autistic people who aren't given a fair chance in life by a narrow minded society, and the fight that Autistic, and other disabled folks, face every single day. And, if you're a parent who has been given limited information by doctors who refuse to challenge their bias, you are going to read things that make you say OUCH, because we know you love your child, but even when we love our children; we don't always make the right choices. Facing our well intentioned mistakes is painful, and that's okay to admit, but the important thing is being able to sit with our discomfort and grow from it.
There is absolutely wonderful selection of guest essays in the book from a variety of Autistic advocates. While most Autistic people tend to have SOME shared traits, not all Autistic people are the same. Just like all other humans! To this day, in the year 2022, there are still so many stereotypes that center around the white, cis-male viewpoint. Listening to the words of BIPOC, trans, nonspeaking and other multi-marginalized Autistic advocates is key in making sure we truly lift ALL Autistic people, and NOT just those with specific privileges. If we aren't working to lift those who need the most support, then we aren't truly seeking equity.
Who should read this book? Well, everyone, in my opinion! But, certainly the parents of Autistic children, and Autistic adults who want to help better the lives of Autistic children. Teachers should read this book. Grandparents should read this book. Your neighbor down the street should read this book. Anybody who wants an honest, loving, REAL glimpse into trying to work TOGETHER to better this world for Autistic people.. should read this book.
Thanks to the authors and NetGalley for an ARC of this book.
What Meghan and Jules have set out to do, is try and bridge the gap between Autistic people and non-Autistic parents of Autistic children. I think everybody who's been on the internet in any Autism related space has witnessed, or been part of, the frequent divide between these two 'hills'. But, the point of this book is that everyone has the same root goal, which is a better life for Autistic children. Now, the idea of what a 'better life' IS, often becomes the root of the argument, but this book brings in ideas, resources and plausible solutions on how we can all better connect and work together on a shared goal.
I am going to be honest, this book is going to make various people feel uncomfortable. Because, you have to be willing to challenge your bias and your ego, and put those things aside. Even though I've been learning for years now, regarding Autism and being a better communicator, this book still provided me with valuable reminders and additional tips on how to better 'bridge the gap'. Being a late identified Autistic parent, like Jules, I often feel like I'm in the middle and sometimes not seen by either side. I feel like the mission of this book is something we need more than anything else. Because, when we stand together, we have a much better chance to making long lasting change.
This book made me cry. A lot. But, it made me cry, because I felt so seen. And, it made me cry, because I hurt for all the Autistic people who aren't given a fair chance in life by a narrow minded society, and the fight that Autistic, and other disabled folks, face every single day. And, if you're a parent who has been given limited information by doctors who refuse to challenge their bias, you are going to read things that make you say OUCH, because we know you love your child, but even when we love our children; we don't always make the right choices. Facing our well intentioned mistakes is painful, and that's okay to admit, but the important thing is being able to sit with our discomfort and grow from it.
There is absolutely wonderful selection of guest essays in the book from a variety of Autistic advocates. While most Autistic people tend to have SOME shared traits, not all Autistic people are the same. Just like all other humans! To this day, in the year 2022, there are still so many stereotypes that center around the white, cis-male viewpoint. Listening to the words of BIPOC, trans, nonspeaking and other multi-marginalized Autistic advocates is key in making sure we truly lift ALL Autistic people, and NOT just those with specific privileges. If we aren't working to lift those who need the most support, then we aren't truly seeking equity.
Who should read this book? Well, everyone, in my opinion! But, certainly the parents of Autistic children, and Autistic adults who want to help better the lives of Autistic children. Teachers should read this book. Grandparents should read this book. Your neighbor down the street should read this book. Anybody who wants an honest, loving, REAL glimpse into trying to work TOGETHER to better this world for Autistic people.. should read this book.
Thanks to the authors and NetGalley for an ARC of this book.
January 21, 2023
This is a book that the autistic community has needed for many years. There are multiple reasons why I will be recommending it. It's written in plain language, it's broken down in sections that can be read individually or as part of the big idea. This makes it more accessible. Even though there is a lot of information supported by academic research, it's not an academic text. It was written for the community and it will greatly benefit us. This doesn't mean it is not relevant for professionals. This book is just as valuable for any professional working with the autistic population. Having just finished an interprofessional fellowship in neurodevelopmental disabilities, I really hope all of my colleagues will read it because I can't think of one who will not benefit from the knowledge.
It's the perspectives of a non autistic parent of autistic children and an autistic adult who is also a parent of autistic children. They are open and honest about where they started and how their understanding developed. They are realistic about the conflicts, and they offer real advice on how to navigate community interactions. There are a lot of fantastic resources listed at the end of each chapter, and each includes a contribution by a self advocate, some of whom are writers I already knew of, and including autistic BIPOC and non speaking/AAC using self advocates.
And yes, they also talk about race and disability. What does race have to do with disability? Well, a lot, it turns out. A person's experience of disability is so thoroughly shaped by their racial background and that of other marginalized identities that you cannot separate them. There is not a lot of literature that addresses this well.
There are other important ideas that are not mentioned in a lot of books about autism, such as the different models of disability, the stereotyping in the medical community and overall culture, the concept of presumed competence, the dignity of risk and likely others.
I was provided an advance copy and this is my honest review. My paper copy is already preordered.
It's the perspectives of a non autistic parent of autistic children and an autistic adult who is also a parent of autistic children. They are open and honest about where they started and how their understanding developed. They are realistic about the conflicts, and they offer real advice on how to navigate community interactions. There are a lot of fantastic resources listed at the end of each chapter, and each includes a contribution by a self advocate, some of whom are writers I already knew of, and including autistic BIPOC and non speaking/AAC using self advocates.
And yes, they also talk about race and disability. What does race have to do with disability? Well, a lot, it turns out. A person's experience of disability is so thoroughly shaped by their racial background and that of other marginalized identities that you cannot separate them. There is not a lot of literature that addresses this well.
There are other important ideas that are not mentioned in a lot of books about autism, such as the different models of disability, the stereotyping in the medical community and overall culture, the concept of presumed competence, the dignity of risk and likely others.
I was provided an advance copy and this is my honest review. My paper copy is already preordered.
July 3, 2022
Racism And Misandry Deeply Mar Otherwise Interesting Concept. The idea behind this book - that a neurotypical Autism Mom and an #ActuallyAutistic mom of Autistic kids get together and have a constructive discussion - is fascinating because of how rarely Autism Moms in particular are willing to bridge that gap. And to be clear, there is a lot of good information here, and in the notes at the end of each chapter, two books I've previously reviewed - Eric Garcia's We're Not Broken and Steven Silberman's Neurotribes - are both recommended. Unfortunately the good information is deeply marred by the authors' misandry and racism against anything white and/ or male - even while male Autistics! Indeed, in naming all kinds of other autism advocacy organizations, the authors fail to mention one of the biggest and most successful in the US - the Autism Self Advocacy Network. And in marginalizing and delegitimizing both the successes and the struggles of white and/ or male Autistics, the author actively denigrate the admittedly largest section of known or even suspected Autistics. All while claiming to try to "bridge the gap" in speaking about Autism from both Autistic and neurotypical perspectives. Ultimately your own view of this book will come down to how much you agree with the authors' own blatant bigotries. Though again, there are at least some discussions here genuinely worthy of wading through their mire to see and examine. Indeed, just enough to elevate them to more than the few flakes here or there of my dreaded "gold mine" status - though only just. Two stars deducted for racism and sexism, and the third star is deducted for the lack of intellectual rigor in having a bibliography that even accounting for the recommended resources sections at the end of each chapter still barely accounts for 10% or so of the text (just 4% at the end of the overall narrative where the bibliography is normally found), which is about half to one third of the more standard bibliography of better documented texts in my extensive experience with even months-early advance reader copies. Recommended, if barely.
February 12, 2023
An interesting combination of authors: an autistic mother of autistic children and an allistic mother of autistic children. They clashed on the internet and then became friends. An interesting story? Nope. But there was helpful information though? Nope. It was interesting to read? Not at all! For the price I paid I continued reading in the hope I would discover something new but unfortunately that didn’t happen.
To me it felt like these two women took turns to vent out their frustrations with society and how autism is seen. I can understand that, but that’s what family and friends are for, not published books that people need to pay for. I also felt there was too much talk on racism. An important topic of course but then there are so many important topics that don’t need to take over a book on the topic of autism.
I’ll admit I agree with their views. Society should change and accept autistic people rather than coming up with expensive therapies to “help” them fit in with society. I agree with all they had to say in relation to this but wishful thinking isn’t helpful information.
If you’re looking for a book to read on the topic of autism I strongly recommend Uniquely Human and Ido in Austismland. Those two were the most helpful books I have come across after many years of reading.
To me it felt like these two women took turns to vent out their frustrations with society and how autism is seen. I can understand that, but that’s what family and friends are for, not published books that people need to pay for. I also felt there was too much talk on racism. An important topic of course but then there are so many important topics that don’t need to take over a book on the topic of autism.
I’ll admit I agree with their views. Society should change and accept autistic people rather than coming up with expensive therapies to “help” them fit in with society. I agree with all they had to say in relation to this but wishful thinking isn’t helpful information.
If you’re looking for a book to read on the topic of autism I strongly recommend Uniquely Human and Ido in Austismland. Those two were the most helpful books I have come across after many years of reading.
July 13, 2022
This is *by far* the best parent resource book on autism EVER!
Finally, things the community has been saying for years being said with gusto and eloquence.
#IWillDieOnThisHill (Jessica Kingsley, 2023) will take you where no other autism resource has gone before. The bar has been set and the bar is high!
It centers autistic adults and our knowledge while showing empathy and compassion to parents of autistic children wanting to learn.
It's intersectional, inclusive, and leaves NO ONE in our community behind. And has a diverse group of guest writers. Some of who I admire strongly.
Go on Amazon or Book Depository and pre order this masterpiece *now*. It's out in January. Every parent of an autistic child needs to read this, and anyone who is autistic themselves should too. Ditto for people who are clinicians, specialists, teachers, and support staff. Autistic people will feel affirmed and seen and parents&professionals will receive many anwers to burning questions or learn new helpful information.
And while you're at it follow the authors on Facebook at Autistic, Typing and Not An Autism Mom!
Finally, things the community has been saying for years being said with gusto and eloquence.
#IWillDieOnThisHill (Jessica Kingsley, 2023) will take you where no other autism resource has gone before. The bar has been set and the bar is high!
It centers autistic adults and our knowledge while showing empathy and compassion to parents of autistic children wanting to learn.
It's intersectional, inclusive, and leaves NO ONE in our community behind. And has a diverse group of guest writers. Some of who I admire strongly.
Go on Amazon or Book Depository and pre order this masterpiece *now*. It's out in January. Every parent of an autistic child needs to read this, and anyone who is autistic themselves should too. Ditto for people who are clinicians, specialists, teachers, and support staff. Autistic people will feel affirmed and seen and parents&professionals will receive many anwers to burning questions or learn new helpful information.
And while you're at it follow the authors on Facebook at Autistic, Typing and Not An Autism Mom!
May 27, 2023
As someone who has already read an entire library’s worth of books about autism, and who is intimately familiar with both “sides” of the topic through lived experience, I don’t feel like I learned much from this book. I did, however, very much enjoy reading it and I think it would be a great starting point for someone new to the subject.
In particular, I think it would be an excellent resource for allistic parents of autistic children, to help them shift away from the medical model of autism that is based around deficits to a more accepting, supportive, and inclusive way of viewing autism. And as that is precisely the audience this book is trying to reach, I’d have to say the authors did their job well.
My only complaint about the book is that I wish there were more practical action steps for bridging the gap between autistic adults and allistic parents. There was a section of action items and ideas at the end for how people could become advocates in their communities. But I was hoping for pointers on how to change the individual minds of loving and well-meaning parents who are being misguided by professionals. Things that could be applied in one-on-one relationships. It was wonderful seeing how these two authors connected and overcame their differences, but after reading the book I’m still at a loss as to how to duplicate that success in my own life.
In particular, I think it would be an excellent resource for allistic parents of autistic children, to help them shift away from the medical model of autism that is based around deficits to a more accepting, supportive, and inclusive way of viewing autism. And as that is precisely the audience this book is trying to reach, I’d have to say the authors did their job well.
My only complaint about the book is that I wish there were more practical action steps for bridging the gap between autistic adults and allistic parents. There was a section of action items and ideas at the end for how people could become advocates in their communities. But I was hoping for pointers on how to change the individual minds of loving and well-meaning parents who are being misguided by professionals. Things that could be applied in one-on-one relationships. It was wonderful seeing how these two authors connected and overcame their differences, but after reading the book I’m still at a loss as to how to duplicate that success in my own life.
March 20, 2023
I highly recommend this book! The authors do a phenomenal job of discussing systemic ableism and racism surrounding autism diagnosis and supports. I appreciate the nuance of recommendations regarding how autistic adults and non-autistic parents of autistic children can work together to fight systemic injustices.
December 14, 2024
A lot of stuff to process for sure! I loved how many suggestions to other books, sites, articles, and resources were given at the end of each chapter.
Should be a must read for people who have recently gotten a diagnosis for their kid(s). It’s not the “end all be all” nor does it claim to be, but it is a positive and honest starting point full of autistic voices and perspectives that allistic people need to hear.
Some (not not all) of the heavy hitters points that clung in my brain:
There’s no “right” way to be autistic.
Before assuming you have all the answers, seek guidance from autistic adults, listening to their experiences.
It is dangerous and damaging to not assume capability.
Being wrong doesn’t make you bad but refusing to accept feedback and improve yourself does.
Listen first, be uncomfortable, be patient.
Thank you to the authors and collaborators on this book.
Should be a must read for people who have recently gotten a diagnosis for their kid(s). It’s not the “end all be all” nor does it claim to be, but it is a positive and honest starting point full of autistic voices and perspectives that allistic people need to hear.
Some (not not all) of the heavy hitters points that clung in my brain:
There’s no “right” way to be autistic.
Before assuming you have all the answers, seek guidance from autistic adults, listening to their experiences.
It is dangerous and damaging to not assume capability.
Being wrong doesn’t make you bad but refusing to accept feedback and improve yourself does.
Listen first, be uncomfortable, be patient.
Thank you to the authors and collaborators on this book.
October 4, 2022
5/5 stars
An incredibly necessary book about bridging the gap between allistic parents and autistic adults. I'm an autistic adult and tend to avoid discourse on autism online, but even I am aware of the hostility between these groups.
This animosity has even entered the real world with autistic spaces that firmly divide autistic adults from families with autistic children. I live in the UK, and when I tried getting in touch with my local branch of the National Autistic Society, I was sent a private message by the organiser to enter the adult group (that had 12 followers as opposed to the 1k+ on the mainstream group). I thought it was because families more generally stay away from people they're not related to, but now I realise it was likely because of negative feelings.
Megah and Jules joined forces as parents of autistic children, one autistic and one allistic, to simmer down (but not avoid!) conflict into something that can be productive for both groups. I loved reading about their experiences and those of others, and the book is very insightful about what Americans (US) go through when their child is diagnosed as autistic. ABA therapy is not that strong in the UK, and generally, our healthcare is quite different, but I still spotted some similarities (like the segregation in education).
I also appreciated the stress on intersectionality because the classic autistic type (white, male, affluent, into trains - basically Sheldon) is far removed from most autistics, and I'm glad the book called out the unfair treatment of AFAB, non-binary, and BIPOC autistic people.
Something that could be improved would be the inclusion of a glossary so that people can keep up with the terms used in autistic discourse. I would also include terms such as 'social/financial' capital in there because someone who's not versed in sociology may not understand what the authors mean by that. I appreciated the point about capitalism conditioning us to value productivity and how it affects the perception of high-needs people as worthless; some may not connect it to capitalism because it may seem too Radical, but it is correct and in need of being mentioned!
Most of all, I loved the sections written by other people on the autism spectrum! I was very emotional when I got to the poem about Mikey, and it made me reflect on how the ugly parts of the autistic experience (murder, suicides) are often avoided as an attempt to de-escalate conflict. They are painful but necessary to mention when advocating for autistics because people must face up to the harsh reality of autistic people's threats.
I've previously read NeuroTribes and learnt about allistic parents there, so I already had a degree of sympathy for them, but I still enjoyed reading this.
An incredibly necessary book about bridging the gap between allistic parents and autistic adults. I'm an autistic adult and tend to avoid discourse on autism online, but even I am aware of the hostility between these groups.
This animosity has even entered the real world with autistic spaces that firmly divide autistic adults from families with autistic children. I live in the UK, and when I tried getting in touch with my local branch of the National Autistic Society, I was sent a private message by the organiser to enter the adult group (that had 12 followers as opposed to the 1k+ on the mainstream group). I thought it was because families more generally stay away from people they're not related to, but now I realise it was likely because of negative feelings.
Megah and Jules joined forces as parents of autistic children, one autistic and one allistic, to simmer down (but not avoid!) conflict into something that can be productive for both groups. I loved reading about their experiences and those of others, and the book is very insightful about what Americans (US) go through when their child is diagnosed as autistic. ABA therapy is not that strong in the UK, and generally, our healthcare is quite different, but I still spotted some similarities (like the segregation in education).
I also appreciated the stress on intersectionality because the classic autistic type (white, male, affluent, into trains - basically Sheldon) is far removed from most autistics, and I'm glad the book called out the unfair treatment of AFAB, non-binary, and BIPOC autistic people.
Something that could be improved would be the inclusion of a glossary so that people can keep up with the terms used in autistic discourse. I would also include terms such as 'social/financial' capital in there because someone who's not versed in sociology may not understand what the authors mean by that. I appreciated the point about capitalism conditioning us to value productivity and how it affects the perception of high-needs people as worthless; some may not connect it to capitalism because it may seem too Radical, but it is correct and in need of being mentioned!
Most of all, I loved the sections written by other people on the autism spectrum! I was very emotional when I got to the poem about Mikey, and it made me reflect on how the ugly parts of the autistic experience (murder, suicides) are often avoided as an attempt to de-escalate conflict. They are painful but necessary to mention when advocating for autistics because people must face up to the harsh reality of autistic people's threats.
I've previously read NeuroTribes and learnt about allistic parents there, so I already had a degree of sympathy for them, but I still enjoyed reading this.
July 30, 2025
This book was almost a dnf and I had to force myself through it. The tone is very angry and lots of references to racism, capitalism and woke ideas. Some of the opinions of the authors are completely false. I did enjoy the recommendations for books and organizations provided
May 17, 2023
If you have someone in your life with autism, I'd really suggest reading this book. It's incredibly informative and also gives you good resources to further explore at the end of the chapters. The book Neurotribes was brought up early on in the book, which discusses the classification of autism and the neurodiveristy movement, but I would like to add another book that I though equally informative but tackling the issue from a different angle: Nobody's Normal: How Culture Created the Stigma of Mental Illness. It takes a cultural look at western psychological thought, including tackling the interesting concept of how what were once normal, or at least accepted, behaviors have been pathologized. I feel like it further expands on the issues dividing autistics, autistic parents, and parents of autistic children. The author is an anthropologist who studies autism among tribal groups in Africa. The one thing that has consistently stuck with me was in the introduction. Grinker asks the two parents of a child, who would most likely be labeled as 'severely autistic', if they are concerned for their son's wellbeing after they pass. The parents answer Grinker's question with confusion and inform him that the entire village isn't going to die at once, so what is there to really worry about?
Sometimes I think autism is only a problem in societies that place a heavy emphasis on complete self-sufficiency, and appear to place more value on those who are able to go through life without obviously relying on support from others.
Sometimes I think autism is only a problem in societies that place a heavy emphasis on complete self-sufficiency, and appear to place more value on those who are able to go through life without obviously relying on support from others.
March 8, 2024
This book is really fantastic and addresses an issue that I’ve not seen addressed in other books on autism. I really appreciate that this book is co-written by an allistic (non-autistic) parent of autistic children and an autistic adult. There are some really serious and heartbreaking things in this book, but they’re real and need to be talked about. I would recommend this book to every parent of an autistic child, autistic adults, and anyone who’s interested in disability justice.
November 18, 2023
An extremely well written book by two passionate and dedicated mothers and advocates for the ASD community. It was easy to hold my successes and failures up to the light when the authors shared so openly about themselves and their journeys. The book left me feeling empowered and bold about being the best version of myself for the neurodiverse community.
September 20, 2023
Have to say I was so uninformed about autism. I have several friends with autistic grandchildren and children. They are so precious and I'm amazed at them. Thanks to the authors of this amazing collection of experiences I'm more aware of the world they live in. The parents have to fight for every accommodation their kids need.
January 29, 2025
Centers autistic voices and real-life perspectives. Does not claim that one avenue is best but recognizes differing positions and knowledge-levels. Attends to the need for more conversation around intersectionality and Autism. An incredible read for parents and advocates!
December 26, 2022
4.5 stars
(review to be done)
(review to be done)
February 7, 2023
This is an amazing book. Pretty damn near perfect.
December 11, 2023
Although there is a some good information and lots of resources, the viewpoints claimed to be neutral but were all extremely one sided. Anti aba, saying how harmful it is etc.. yet they couldn’t bring a single autistic who was actually in it to talk about their experience. I know just as many autistics who had a good experience as they claim to know who had horrible ones.
You can honestly just skip this book and go to https://notanautismmom.com/2020/07/20...
They had great autistic voices speaking but it was still all one sided. I didn’t hate it but I personally think this book would need to be more neutral or actually backed up by facts, data, real autistic voices. You can’t claim the entire autistic community hates aba and how bad it is but show nothing for it in the book. I totally get there has been awful aba etc but my son was only able to gain speech from his amazing bcba, so these sections all about how bad aba is were very useless to me.
Also for the love of god, they put “more better” multiple times and it drove me crazy.
You can honestly just skip this book and go to https://notanautismmom.com/2020/07/20...
They had great autistic voices speaking but it was still all one sided. I didn’t hate it but I personally think this book would need to be more neutral or actually backed up by facts, data, real autistic voices. You can’t claim the entire autistic community hates aba and how bad it is but show nothing for it in the book. I totally get there has been awful aba etc but my son was only able to gain speech from his amazing bcba, so these sections all about how bad aba is were very useless to me.
Also for the love of god, they put “more better” multiple times and it drove me crazy.
February 3, 2023
I'm really grateful this book finally exists. It's so thoughtful, includes the voices of a diverse group of people and yet is fundamentally about dialogue between two different groups, represented by two main authors, one who is autistic and another who is the parent of autistic children. I think that dialogue across different perspectives is very important for all areas of life, but especially when conversations can be so fraught, as they often are between parents of autistic children, and autistic adults. This book is a model for what each group can learn from the other about our different needs and also about how to have these discussions.
April 8, 2023
Thank you NetGalley for this arc for my honest review. Prior to getting halfway into this book I was hyping this book to some of my neurodivergent friends. But as I kept reading past 60% it felt repetitive and was draining. Was it helpful? Yes. In some aspects, but it was things I already resonated with. Having parents of autistic children finally listen to parents who are also autistic is a huge rift if the community and we need to do better. But I felt like this book could’ve cut down on some of the fluff. While I’ll recommend it, the will to stay engaged enough to complete it took a lot. I actually read quite a few books the same time I was trying to finish this.
July 25, 2022
"Meghan and Jules reflect on the division between Autistic activists and 'autism mums' through their own relationship which began with consistent and often strained (mis)communication. Through this persistent need to teach and learn with each other Meghan and Jules were unwittingly creating a template of how we can all work together to protect and champion the lives of Autistic children. So, they wrote a book about it!"
See full book review here:
https://aucademy.co.uk/2022/07/25/meg...
See full book review here:
https://aucademy.co.uk/2022/07/25/meg...
November 11, 2024
I think this is an important read for parents of autistic children. It is less relevant to autistic adults without children, but still interesting. I don't enjoy being on most social media, so it was interesting to learn about the communities there. I recommend pairing with Uniquely Autistic by Barry M. Prizant and Tom Fields-Meyer, which is the most empathetic guide by an allistic person I've read, and also recommended by Meghan and Jules.
January 24, 2025
A great starting point for parents of autistic children, or anyone wanting to learn more about the autistic experience. As someone who has been reading about and educating herself on autism for a while, I didn’t really learn anything new. I also didn’t love the tone throughout the book. I wouldn’t read it again, but I do think it’s a valuable read.
April 14, 2023
Great book for "autism moms" and autistic adults alike! I sure gained a lot of pointers for how to handle conversations when I'm less informed, or when others are
April 18, 2023
I hoped to learn a ton. I didn't. Rather read stuff put out by ASAN.
July 30, 2023
Originally posted on Just Geeking by.
I reviewed this book as part of GeekDis 2023 an event discussing disability and neurodivergent representation from the perspective of our community.
Content warnings:
I Will Die On This Hill by Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards is not a book just for parents. That probably seems like an odd statement considering its subtitle is “Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World”. It is definitely aimed at the two groups mentioned there; autistic adults and autism parents, and the two authors offer their very candid perspectives from each side of that “hill”. For me, as someone who has multiple friends and associates who are neurodivergent this has been the first book that I’ve read on the subject that was properly informative about the autistic community.
The aim of I Will Die On This Hill is to bridge the communication gap between autistic adults and autism parents. As Meghan explains getting a diagnosis of autism for her children was difficult and met with a lot of stigma. When she finally did get a diagnosis the only information that she received from medical professionals was to correct her child’s behaviour. That seemed odd to Meghan as someone who advocated for developmentally appropriate practices for children, and so she started to look for more information about autism online. She goes into detail about her journey and how she found a community of other autism parents, but it was only when Jules started commenting on her blog that she became aware of autistic adults.
As Jules and Meghan discuss throughout I Will Die On This Hill, there is a large community of autistic adults, many of which who want to help allistic (non-autistic) parents of autistic children understand autism better. Autistic adults were once autistic children; they’ve been there and want to help the next generation. The problem is that parents also want to help their children, and it can be difficult for them to hear someone else talking like an expert about their children. There are other difficulties and conflicts which Jules and Meghan discuss, along with guests who have contributed short essays that have been placed between chapters.
The level of detail that these two authors have gone into is absolutely amazing, and as they are writing from the position of a parent who knows nothing at all about autism they have built the knowledge in I this book from the ground up. It’s a great introduction to autism and the autistic community from two very different and very important perspectives, and has a fantastic amount of resources spread throughout for further reading. Between the two of them, Jules and Meghan have covered so much. This includes racism as Jules is Indigenous and Meghan has Black and Brown children, and the afterword is written by a queer person, Jillian Nelson.
I appreciated how diverse the information was as prior to reading I Will Die On This Hill I was completely unaware that “autism awareness” was linked to organisations who have harmful agendas and believe that autism needs to be cured. Instead, it is important to make the distinction to say “autism acceptance” as that is what the autism community strives for; to be accepted for who they are.
I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to learn more about autism and the autism community, especially if you are a parent or someone who has children in your life. Whether you are a parent or relative of autistic children if you are around children you will meet autistic children, and it’s important that you know more about autism, so you can talk to your children about autism too. Be part of autism acceptance, not stigma!
BLOG | REVIEWS | REVIEW SCHEDULE | TWITTER | INSTAGRAM | PINTEREST |
I reviewed this book as part of GeekDis 2023 an event discussing disability and neurodivergent representation from the perspective of our community.
Content warnings:
I Will Die On This Hill by Meghan Ashburn and Jules Edwards is not a book just for parents. That probably seems like an odd statement considering its subtitle is “Autistic Adults, Autism Parents, and the Children Who Deserve a Better World”. It is definitely aimed at the two groups mentioned there; autistic adults and autism parents, and the two authors offer their very candid perspectives from each side of that “hill”. For me, as someone who has multiple friends and associates who are neurodivergent this has been the first book that I’ve read on the subject that was properly informative about the autistic community.
The aim of I Will Die On This Hill is to bridge the communication gap between autistic adults and autism parents. As Meghan explains getting a diagnosis of autism for her children was difficult and met with a lot of stigma. When she finally did get a diagnosis the only information that she received from medical professionals was to correct her child’s behaviour. That seemed odd to Meghan as someone who advocated for developmentally appropriate practices for children, and so she started to look for more information about autism online. She goes into detail about her journey and how she found a community of other autism parents, but it was only when Jules started commenting on her blog that she became aware of autistic adults.
As Jules and Meghan discuss throughout I Will Die On This Hill, there is a large community of autistic adults, many of which who want to help allistic (non-autistic) parents of autistic children understand autism better. Autistic adults were once autistic children; they’ve been there and want to help the next generation. The problem is that parents also want to help their children, and it can be difficult for them to hear someone else talking like an expert about their children. There are other difficulties and conflicts which Jules and Meghan discuss, along with guests who have contributed short essays that have been placed between chapters.
The level of detail that these two authors have gone into is absolutely amazing, and as they are writing from the position of a parent who knows nothing at all about autism they have built the knowledge in I this book from the ground up. It’s a great introduction to autism and the autistic community from two very different and very important perspectives, and has a fantastic amount of resources spread throughout for further reading. Between the two of them, Jules and Meghan have covered so much. This includes racism as Jules is Indigenous and Meghan has Black and Brown children, and the afterword is written by a queer person, Jillian Nelson.
I appreciated how diverse the information was as prior to reading I Will Die On This Hill I was completely unaware that “autism awareness” was linked to organisations who have harmful agendas and believe that autism needs to be cured. Instead, it is important to make the distinction to say “autism acceptance” as that is what the autism community strives for; to be accepted for who they are.
I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to learn more about autism and the autism community, especially if you are a parent or someone who has children in your life. Whether you are a parent or relative of autistic children if you are around children you will meet autistic children, and it’s important that you know more about autism, so you can talk to your children about autism too. Be part of autism acceptance, not stigma!
BLOG | REVIEWS | REVIEW SCHEDULE | TWITTER | INSTAGRAM | PINTEREST |
January 22, 2023
A GAME-CHANGING BOOK
My heartfelt thanks to the authors and their collaborators for creating this book.
All too often, parents and carers of Autistic children are fed a narrative that Autism is something to be "fixed' or "mitigated" or that being Autistic is some sort of tragedy. Or we are led to believe that Autistic adults are "nothing like our child." It's really hard to make respectful decisions for your child & family when you are operating from a place of fear and sadness or without any meaningful connection to Autistic insights.
I Will Die On This Hill changes that dynamic. Meghan & Jules have written a book that draws you in and makes you feel can be part of the solution in creating a better world for Autistic people. Their willingness to admit their own past mistakes and assumptions makes this book very relatable to parents like me who deeply regret some of our own missteps.
Nothing has been more valuable and life changing to me as a parent of an Autistic young person than making connections with and learning from a diverse array of Autistic voices. I wish we had had a compassionate, constructive guidebook like this to lead us to a better place at a time when we were at our most vulnerable. I am so happy that the world can benefit from this spectacular resource in 2023 and beyond.
I wish I could rate it higher than 5 stars.
My heartfelt thanks to the authors and their collaborators for creating this book.
All too often, parents and carers of Autistic children are fed a narrative that Autism is something to be "fixed' or "mitigated" or that being Autistic is some sort of tragedy. Or we are led to believe that Autistic adults are "nothing like our child." It's really hard to make respectful decisions for your child & family when you are operating from a place of fear and sadness or without any meaningful connection to Autistic insights.
I Will Die On This Hill changes that dynamic. Meghan & Jules have written a book that draws you in and makes you feel can be part of the solution in creating a better world for Autistic people. Their willingness to admit their own past mistakes and assumptions makes this book very relatable to parents like me who deeply regret some of our own missteps.
Nothing has been more valuable and life changing to me as a parent of an Autistic young person than making connections with and learning from a diverse array of Autistic voices. I wish we had had a compassionate, constructive guidebook like this to lead us to a better place at a time when we were at our most vulnerable. I am so happy that the world can benefit from this spectacular resource in 2023 and beyond.
I wish I could rate it higher than 5 stars.
December 29, 2022
A very well organised and accessible book. It's written in easy to understand language (apart from a few Americanisms I looked up) and has bullet points of chapter summaries.
As a parent of an autistic child and someone that's been involved in the autistic community way before that I was nodding along to lots of this. I don't think I've ever highlighted a book so much. Any parent will probably know the 'diagnose and dump' experience and now I have a term for it.
It's vitally important that as parents we are willing to learn, listen and support the autistic community who are doing the heavy lifting here against a society and institutions that aren't listening. This book sets out how non-autistic parents of autistic children and autistic adult advocates often clash and misunderstand each other and has lots of top advice and further reading.
A resource I'd certainly recommend to well, just about anyone. But certainly parents, educators, policy makers, medics, anyone that wishes for true inclusion.
Thank you to Netgalley, the authors and the publisher for a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
As a parent of an autistic child and someone that's been involved in the autistic community way before that I was nodding along to lots of this. I don't think I've ever highlighted a book so much. Any parent will probably know the 'diagnose and dump' experience and now I have a term for it.
It's vitally important that as parents we are willing to learn, listen and support the autistic community who are doing the heavy lifting here against a society and institutions that aren't listening. This book sets out how non-autistic parents of autistic children and autistic adult advocates often clash and misunderstand each other and has lots of top advice and further reading.
A resource I'd certainly recommend to well, just about anyone. But certainly parents, educators, policy makers, medics, anyone that wishes for true inclusion.
Thank you to Netgalley, the authors and the publisher for a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
July 24, 2023
I found this book very insightful. I've seen this book mentioned in a Facebook group I'm in, trying to educate myself more about autism this is one of the many books I bought. I learned a lot!!
I would say this book is more about autism advocacy then about autism and I think this is a book everyone needs to read.
I have learned two new words I have never heard before:
Ableism (discrimination of people with disabilities)
Allistic (a person who is not autistic)
I think it is really sad that I have gone this long in life, and this long since my son's diagnosis (3 years ago) without hearing those words.
Anyway, I love that the book was written by two passionate mom's and advocates, one an allistic parent and one autistic adult, but both mom's of autistic children. You get to read both view points. I also love that they included other autistic adults to start each chapter off, often with their own experiences. I think these are voices we need to listen to more when it comes to understanding and learning about autism and advocacy. My son is going to be an adult one day and I want his voice to be heard too.
I would say this book is more about autism advocacy then about autism and I think this is a book everyone needs to read.
I have learned two new words I have never heard before:
Ableism (discrimination of people with disabilities)
Allistic (a person who is not autistic)
I think it is really sad that I have gone this long in life, and this long since my son's diagnosis (3 years ago) without hearing those words.
Anyway, I love that the book was written by two passionate mom's and advocates, one an allistic parent and one autistic adult, but both mom's of autistic children. You get to read both view points. I also love that they included other autistic adults to start each chapter off, often with their own experiences. I think these are voices we need to listen to more when it comes to understanding and learning about autism and advocacy. My son is going to be an adult one day and I want his voice to be heard too.
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