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Maybe I Don't Belong Here: A Memoir of Race, Identity, Breakdown and Recovery
Not yet published
Expected 20 Oct 26A Book of the Year in The Observer and The Times and winner at the Visionary Honors Awards.
'David Harewood writes with rare honesty and fearless self-analysis about his experiences of racism and what ultimately led to his descent into psychosis . . . This book is, in itself, a physical manifestation of that hopeful journey.' – David Olusoga, author of Black and British
Is it possible to be Black and British and feel welcome and whole?
In this powerful and provocative memoir, critically acclaimed actor David Harewood, charts his journey from working class Birmingham to the bright lights of Hollywood. He uncovers devastating family history and shares insight into a life lived after an experience of psychosis. Maybe I Don't Belong Here is a rallying cry to examine the systems and biases that shape our society and a groundbreaking account of the impact of everyday racism on Black mental health.
As a young actor, David had what he now understands to be a psychotic breakdown and was sectioned under the Mental Health Act. He was physically restrained by six police officers, sedated, then hospitalized and transferred to a locked ward. Only now, thirty years later, has he been able to process what he went through.
What was it that caused this breakdown and how did David recover to become a successful and critically acclaimed actor? How did his experiences growing up Black and British contribute to a rupture in his sense of his place in the world?
'David Harewood writes with rare honesty and fearless self-analysis about his experiences of racism and what ultimately led to his descent into psychosis . . . This book is, in itself, a physical manifestation of that hopeful journey.' – David Olusoga, author of Black and British
Is it possible to be Black and British and feel welcome and whole?
In this powerful and provocative memoir, critically acclaimed actor David Harewood, charts his journey from working class Birmingham to the bright lights of Hollywood. He uncovers devastating family history and shares insight into a life lived after an experience of psychosis. Maybe I Don't Belong Here is a rallying cry to examine the systems and biases that shape our society and a groundbreaking account of the impact of everyday racism on Black mental health.
As a young actor, David had what he now understands to be a psychotic breakdown and was sectioned under the Mental Health Act. He was physically restrained by six police officers, sedated, then hospitalized and transferred to a locked ward. Only now, thirty years later, has he been able to process what he went through.
What was it that caused this breakdown and how did David recover to become a successful and critically acclaimed actor? How did his experiences growing up Black and British contribute to a rupture in his sense of his place in the world?
256 pages, Paperback
Expected publication October 20, 2026
84 people are currently reading
2025 people want to read
About the author
David Harewood
1 book20 followersDavid Harewood was born on December 8, 1965 in Birmingham, England. His parents are originally from Barbados in the Caribbean and they moved to England in the 50s and 60s. He grew up in Small Heath and is an avid Birmingham City FC fan. David is married and has two daughters.
At 18 years old he began training as an actor at London’s Royal Academy of Dramatic Art. He was the first black actor to play the title role in Othello – making history at the National Theatre in 1997. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II appointed David a ‘Member of The Most Excellent Order’ of the British Empire for his services to acting in 2012, giving him the title David Harewood MBE.
At 18 years old he began training as an actor at London’s Royal Academy of Dramatic Art. He was the first black actor to play the title role in Othello – making history at the National Theatre in 1997. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II appointed David a ‘Member of The Most Excellent Order’ of the British Empire for his services to acting in 2012, giving him the title David Harewood MBE.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 194 reviews
August 19, 2021
Wow! You know when a book leaves you Speechless? I mean nothing really makes me speechless if you know then you know 🤣 but this book come on! I've never simultaneously wanted to cheer for and throw my arms around somebody in the public eye as much as I do David Harewood. I'd throw in a little weep with him too, I'm sure he would appreciate that! I'm just in complete awe of his bravery and the way he's used his platform for the greater good.
I'm gonna start by saying I loved HomeGirl so I was aware of what David does for a living and familiar with his work but that's as far as it went.
A successful Black British actor David Harewood also had a mental breakdown and suffered from psychosis. In Maybe I don't belong here he explores race and mental health in the black community. The stereotypes and micro aggressions that come with being a black person with ill mental health and how whiteness dominates both the acting industry and the privilege afforded if we are to need mental health support.
As somebody who has suffered from psychosis and been an inpatient in psychiatric hospitals I related to so much of what David says but I am fully aware that our experiences are different due to my white privilege. Its haunting to read the disparity between care and the casual racism and discrimination that goes on in the mental health system and some of the statistics shocked me.
David writes so well with so much compassion and insight, reading his book was like listening to a friend, the humility and candid nature is something that really shone through. Its like he's a beacon of light for his community, this book will help so many people. Mental health in the black community needs to be spoken about more. The effects of living in this country as a black person and what does that to your mental health needs to be spoken about more and I honestly believe David Harewood has sparked that conversation. His acting career is fascinating and although I didn't always follow who he was acting for or all of the people he worked with I honestly felt like I got to know him in this book and what an absolute pleasure it was. I'm not the targeted audience and please do check out own voice reviews!
I'm gonna start by saying I loved HomeGirl so I was aware of what David does for a living and familiar with his work but that's as far as it went.
A successful Black British actor David Harewood also had a mental breakdown and suffered from psychosis. In Maybe I don't belong here he explores race and mental health in the black community. The stereotypes and micro aggressions that come with being a black person with ill mental health and how whiteness dominates both the acting industry and the privilege afforded if we are to need mental health support.
As somebody who has suffered from psychosis and been an inpatient in psychiatric hospitals I related to so much of what David says but I am fully aware that our experiences are different due to my white privilege. Its haunting to read the disparity between care and the casual racism and discrimination that goes on in the mental health system and some of the statistics shocked me.
David writes so well with so much compassion and insight, reading his book was like listening to a friend, the humility and candid nature is something that really shone through. Its like he's a beacon of light for his community, this book will help so many people. Mental health in the black community needs to be spoken about more. The effects of living in this country as a black person and what does that to your mental health needs to be spoken about more and I honestly believe David Harewood has sparked that conversation. His acting career is fascinating and although I didn't always follow who he was acting for or all of the people he worked with I honestly felt like I got to know him in this book and what an absolute pleasure it was. I'm not the targeted audience and please do check out own voice reviews!
September 16, 2021
An open and honest memoir by David Harewood of being a black and British man and struggling with psychosis.
I also suffer with mental illness, and I found this book so raw and emotional, I think this book is going to help so many people, and it leaves you with a lot to think about.
Themes of mental illness, racism, injustice, identity & recovery.
I am now going to find the documentary of David's story, as it was mentioned in the Book, and it sounded like such an important journey, and examines mental illness in Britain, particularly David's journey in acting and becoming ill and hospitalised with psychosis.
*A huge thank you to pan macmillan for my gifted copy.*
I also suffer with mental illness, and I found this book so raw and emotional, I think this book is going to help so many people, and it leaves you with a lot to think about.
Themes of mental illness, racism, injustice, identity & recovery.
I am now going to find the documentary of David's story, as it was mentioned in the Book, and it sounded like such an important journey, and examines mental illness in Britain, particularly David's journey in acting and becoming ill and hospitalised with psychosis.
*A huge thank you to pan macmillan for my gifted copy.*
June 17, 2025
I've long admired David Harewood in his various acting roles and my curiosity was piqued when I came across this audiobook available for download via my library. As an added bonus, this audiobook is narrated by the author himself.
David Olusoga provided the foreword of this book and interviews David Harewood at the end of the audiobook. One of the questions he asks is why he wrote such a personal book? In response, David Harewood talks about it starting first with the BBC Two documentary he appeared in, “Psychosis and Me,” which explores his psychotic breakdown in his early twenties, and includes people living with psychosis, and medical staff that treat psychosis.
This documentary drew such an overwhelming reaction from so many people, and he realized that “nobody had any language for it.” People were “moved by the documentary because it was so honest, because [he] was so honest and real.”
In addition to writing specifically about psychosis and mental illness in general, David Harewood writes about racism, both experienced by him personally and racism in society in general. White people are afraid of him as they see a ‘big black man’ and black people see him as a ‘coconut’ – black on the outside but white on the inside as he relates with too many white friends.
He points out that his “colour is the most obvious thing about [him] but who is the man inside? Do you see [him]?” Can we see him in a variety of roles such as “a king of England or the last son of mars?”
Further, David Harewood states that “George Floyd’s death created the lightning rod around the world in terms of addressing race and the treatment of Black people.”
He has lived and worked in both America and the UK and writes, “having perspective in two different countries I find the debate on race far more advanced in America than in the UK.”
“Race and slavery represent an open wound in American society that bleeds to this very day and I marvel when scars and injustices of the past such as the recent uncovering of mass graves in Tulsa and the story of the white mob that massacred hundreds of innocent Black residents of the town of Greenwood are openly acknowledged and memorialized. Pain and injustice acknowledged.”
David Harewood states that in contrast the truth of racial injustice is not acknowledged in the UK, and yet “It is race that continues to shake the foundations of England’s institutions as its imperialist history comes under new scrutiny.”
In conclusion, David Harewood writes, “If you’ve experienced anything like what I have described in this book I hope this gives you the strength to keep pushing for your dreams.”
“I have felt homeless in a sense. I have a feeling that I don’t quite belong to the ground beneath my feet and it still makes me feel unsettled.”
“You may have taken a backroad like me through psychosis or mental ill health but having been there and come through it I hope you can apply what you’ve learned in a way that truly frees you to be the person you’re meant to be.”
“Psychosis will most likely change you, but it doesn’t have to be the end of you.”
David Olusoga provided the foreword of this book and interviews David Harewood at the end of the audiobook. One of the questions he asks is why he wrote such a personal book? In response, David Harewood talks about it starting first with the BBC Two documentary he appeared in, “Psychosis and Me,” which explores his psychotic breakdown in his early twenties, and includes people living with psychosis, and medical staff that treat psychosis.
This documentary drew such an overwhelming reaction from so many people, and he realized that “nobody had any language for it.” People were “moved by the documentary because it was so honest, because [he] was so honest and real.”
In addition to writing specifically about psychosis and mental illness in general, David Harewood writes about racism, both experienced by him personally and racism in society in general. White people are afraid of him as they see a ‘big black man’ and black people see him as a ‘coconut’ – black on the outside but white on the inside as he relates with too many white friends.
He points out that his “colour is the most obvious thing about [him] but who is the man inside? Do you see [him]?” Can we see him in a variety of roles such as “a king of England or the last son of mars?”
Further, David Harewood states that “George Floyd’s death created the lightning rod around the world in terms of addressing race and the treatment of Black people.”
He has lived and worked in both America and the UK and writes, “having perspective in two different countries I find the debate on race far more advanced in America than in the UK.”
“Race and slavery represent an open wound in American society that bleeds to this very day and I marvel when scars and injustices of the past such as the recent uncovering of mass graves in Tulsa and the story of the white mob that massacred hundreds of innocent Black residents of the town of Greenwood are openly acknowledged and memorialized. Pain and injustice acknowledged.”
David Harewood states that in contrast the truth of racial injustice is not acknowledged in the UK, and yet “It is race that continues to shake the foundations of England’s institutions as its imperialist history comes under new scrutiny.”
In conclusion, David Harewood writes, “If you’ve experienced anything like what I have described in this book I hope this gives you the strength to keep pushing for your dreams.”
“I have felt homeless in a sense. I have a feeling that I don’t quite belong to the ground beneath my feet and it still makes me feel unsettled.”
“You may have taken a backroad like me through psychosis or mental ill health but having been there and come through it I hope you can apply what you’ve learned in a way that truly frees you to be the person you’re meant to be.”
“Psychosis will most likely change you, but it doesn’t have to be the end of you.”
August 25, 2021
Thanks to NetGalley and The Publisher for this eARC in exchange for an honest review.
I would like to thank David Harewood for providing such an honest, open, and raw account of his mental health struggles in his early 20's and the journey it taken him on. Furthermore, I applaud his bravery in calling out the British establishment in not acknowledging the racialised society that it is, preferring to 'not see colour' or see racism as an American problem only, despite knowing that it could affect his highly successful career, A career that shows that a breakdown doesn't put an end to greatness. Moving and uplifting in equal measure and really readable. An important book for the times.
I would like to thank David Harewood for providing such an honest, open, and raw account of his mental health struggles in his early 20's and the journey it taken him on. Furthermore, I applaud his bravery in calling out the British establishment in not acknowledging the racialised society that it is, preferring to 'not see colour' or see racism as an American problem only, despite knowing that it could affect his highly successful career, A career that shows that a breakdown doesn't put an end to greatness. Moving and uplifting in equal measure and really readable. An important book for the times.
August 22, 2021
A really fascinating book about race in Britain, identity and psychosis.
David Harewood is an actor, and relatively well-known (many would know him 'off something', most recently I've seen him in Supergirl). Still, I'd missed his TV show about his breakdown and didn't know any more until I saw this book.
He grew up in a black family in very white surroundings and for many reasons grew up with a conflicted identity that didn't even recognise the conflict it was in. Eventually, under pressure (and, it has to be said, a shedload of drugs), he broke.
This is a hard book to read because it's true and he pulls no punches. He writes conversationally, as if talking to a friend, but it means you have to hear and accept things you don't necessarily want to hear. I'm a white woman who grew up in Merseyside. Hearing about the time he went to Liverpool only to be met with a horribly racist crowd made me wince. I winced because I knew it to be true. I winced because I didn't want it to be. Imagine being the person actually going through it!
I admire his resilience, and I also admire his friends and family who helped him through it all. It was an incredible challenge to pick out a career against so much adversity and mental stress. And it's brave for Harewood to bare all now, especially as he'd struggled with doing so along the way.
Talking about psychosis is so important, because it's something so many are scared of. But I think we should all know the signs - for ourselves, for our loved ones, to recognise the poor mental health services in the UK and to campaign for better. Harewood also shows that racism is something we still have to tackle here. It's so easy for those not experiencing it to shrug away the people who are. But let's face it, most of us are completely ignorant of the challenges anyone different to us has to face. We can only learn if we start by listening.
A good read.
4.5
David Harewood is an actor, and relatively well-known (many would know him 'off something', most recently I've seen him in Supergirl). Still, I'd missed his TV show about his breakdown and didn't know any more until I saw this book.
He grew up in a black family in very white surroundings and for many reasons grew up with a conflicted identity that didn't even recognise the conflict it was in. Eventually, under pressure (and, it has to be said, a shedload of drugs), he broke.
This is a hard book to read because it's true and he pulls no punches. He writes conversationally, as if talking to a friend, but it means you have to hear and accept things you don't necessarily want to hear. I'm a white woman who grew up in Merseyside. Hearing about the time he went to Liverpool only to be met with a horribly racist crowd made me wince. I winced because I knew it to be true. I winced because I didn't want it to be. Imagine being the person actually going through it!
I admire his resilience, and I also admire his friends and family who helped him through it all. It was an incredible challenge to pick out a career against so much adversity and mental stress. And it's brave for Harewood to bare all now, especially as he'd struggled with doing so along the way.
Talking about psychosis is so important, because it's something so many are scared of. But I think we should all know the signs - for ourselves, for our loved ones, to recognise the poor mental health services in the UK and to campaign for better. Harewood also shows that racism is something we still have to tackle here. It's so easy for those not experiencing it to shrug away the people who are. But let's face it, most of us are completely ignorant of the challenges anyone different to us has to face. We can only learn if we start by listening.
A good read.
4.5
November 4, 2021
I was completely captivated by David’s journey from the very first page of this book. He pulls no punches but his conversational style allows for a tough subject to be easier to digest.
It is incredibly interesting how he dissects the cause of his psychosis, from the Socio-environmental to the racial discrimination he experienced from a young age.
Incredibly sad to read of the double bind he found trying to define his identity between being black and British. Something I can only imagine remains a dilemma for many.
October 22, 2021
This memoir portrayed a very unique and emotional story that will likely stick with me for a long time to come. I genuinely believe that books like these are vital reading for so many people- mainly the white British population, but also for people of colour and those from other nations. Harewood's story is so insightful and holds an element of so many black people's experiences in the 'White Space'. It also delves right into the gritty prejudice that so many un-oppressed groups find it uncomfortable to acknowledge and confront, which I think is super important.
Whilst Harewood clearly isn't a writer first and foremost- and this being his first book, it was never going to have that polished feel of the works of Maya Angelou and the like- I was quite impressed at how well-crafted it was for someone who has never written before. It did take me a short while to get truly sucked in, but once I was, I found that I could hardly put it down. I will continue to recommend this book to people who I believe to be in need of it's messages, both in terms of race and of mental health- and of both, combined.
Whilst Harewood clearly isn't a writer first and foremost- and this being his first book, it was never going to have that polished feel of the works of Maya Angelou and the like- I was quite impressed at how well-crafted it was for someone who has never written before. It did take me a short while to get truly sucked in, but once I was, I found that I could hardly put it down. I will continue to recommend this book to people who I believe to be in need of it's messages, both in terms of race and of mental health- and of both, combined.
October 14, 2024
Astonishing book. I knew David Harewood for three things - being a fellow Brummie, his key role in Homeland, and for being a regular goalie at Soccer Aid! I hadn’t known before his experiences of psychosis. I hadn’t known specifically before of his experiences of racism. This book details both, and their intertwined (causal?) relationship, with genuinely shocking transparency. What courage! As a white Brit, I have found informed autobiographies like this to be a brilliant route to developing empathy around the experiences of people of colour. Theories are key, stats are revealing, history is essential but - rightly or wrongly - the courageous, first-person voice of individual stories seems to help me more than anything else sense just a tiny bit more how cancerous racism is. Listening to the audiobook for this one, which i hardly ever do, was a stroke of luck, bringing things home even more. Long live David Harewood. Your father would be incredibly proud of you.
October 8, 2021
Everyone should read this. It is so powerful and honest. It touches on so many important issues, particularly racism and mental health in the UK. I learned a lot reading it. Tears flowed through the last few chapters. We have such a long way to go to tackle the racism in this country. We need to acknowledge it and do better. The most encouraging thing to see was how mental health treatment has improved in the past few decades. Places where kids are able to get help, and mental health teams and not police are helping people in crisis. And yet there's still so much to do. A friend works in mental health and the cuts from 10 years of Tories means while treatment is better understood than it has been, there is very little that can be done because of so few services remaining.
Please read this book. It'll really change the way you think.
Please read this book. It'll really change the way you think.
January 11, 2022
Thank you, David
An honest and hopeful account of dealing with racism, and a direct look at the psychological pain it causes.
Thank you, David, for being vulnerable and helping me as a student mental health nurse to develop my understanding of experiencing psychosis. And for making clear the links between society and mental illness.
I am particularly taking away with me thoughts about how I can collect, facilitate and create patient and carer information explaining what is known about mental health difficulties and diagnoses. Individual and group education of this type is something I need to add to my toolkit.
An honest and hopeful account of dealing with racism, and a direct look at the psychological pain it causes.
Thank you, David, for being vulnerable and helping me as a student mental health nurse to develop my understanding of experiencing psychosis. And for making clear the links between society and mental illness.
I am particularly taking away with me thoughts about how I can collect, facilitate and create patient and carer information explaining what is known about mental health difficulties and diagnoses. Individual and group education of this type is something I need to add to my toolkit.
July 26, 2023
“What do you see when you look at me? Do you see a large black man? Do I threaten you, frighten you, make you feel uneasy?” - an extremely brave and honest memoir discussing such incredibly important topics. It is so refreshing but also hard to read his experiences of psychosis and the UK mental health system.
October 2, 2022
'I am no longer afraid'
Thank you, David, for giving us this book - the black men and women, those hoping to be white allies, those who just happened across it. It brought tears more than once; anger, outrage and hope; knowledge, understanding and compassion.
One for all the reading lists.
Thank you, David, for giving us this book - the black men and women, those hoping to be white allies, those who just happened across it. It brought tears more than once; anger, outrage and hope; knowledge, understanding and compassion.
One for all the reading lists.
January 8, 2022
"Looking back on it, I was absorbing whiteness without truly understanding what it was doing to me and how it was subtly altering the image of self. With no other way of understanding where I belonged, I focused on what made me feel good (...)". (Harewood)
I was deeply impacted by this very genuine autobiography, the issues of growing up as a black English man in a community that did not accept him as English. It shocks to the core and his ensuing mental health issues, so honestly depicted, are an indictment of what society was then and still is today. The difference is that we can now finally read openly the impact that racism fear and ignorance had on a young black man in the Seventies ad Eighties in the UK. The description of his sectioning is gruelling and like in his own TV documentary (My Psychosis and Me), shows how issues of identity and self can easily lead to mental health breakdowns in our very own if not openly discussed and not dealt with from the very beginning, in primary schools right up to the workplace. It hurts to know that such a gifted man had to leave Blighty to find work and seems to have now settled in Canada. We still have alas a long way to go. Still, this book is key in getting the conversation going and in showing that identity and mental health are deeply intertwined.
I was deeply impacted by this very genuine autobiography, the issues of growing up as a black English man in a community that did not accept him as English. It shocks to the core and his ensuing mental health issues, so honestly depicted, are an indictment of what society was then and still is today. The difference is that we can now finally read openly the impact that racism fear and ignorance had on a young black man in the Seventies ad Eighties in the UK. The description of his sectioning is gruelling and like in his own TV documentary (My Psychosis and Me), shows how issues of identity and self can easily lead to mental health breakdowns in our very own if not openly discussed and not dealt with from the very beginning, in primary schools right up to the workplace. It hurts to know that such a gifted man had to leave Blighty to find work and seems to have now settled in Canada. We still have alas a long way to go. Still, this book is key in getting the conversation going and in showing that identity and mental health are deeply intertwined.
June 29, 2022
A heartbreaking read about true life events that unfortunately still happen now.
No one should ever be made to feel like they don't belong. Differences should be acknowledged and celebrated not a reason to discriminate.
We are all human and all susceptible to mental health conditions, it would do everyone good to remember that, to treat others fairly how they want to be treated and understand it could be them so very easily.
Mental health conditions don't discriminate who they affect and we shouldn't either.
This true story is a wake up call for anyone who isn't already aware of the stigma around mental health, racism that still exists in our society and the damning affects the cruelty of others has on people.
Be kind! A sad but intriguing read, an eye opener and a good piece to reflect on.
No one should ever be made to feel like they don't belong. Differences should be acknowledged and celebrated not a reason to discriminate.
We are all human and all susceptible to mental health conditions, it would do everyone good to remember that, to treat others fairly how they want to be treated and understand it could be them so very easily.
Mental health conditions don't discriminate who they affect and we shouldn't either.
This true story is a wake up call for anyone who isn't already aware of the stigma around mental health, racism that still exists in our society and the damning affects the cruelty of others has on people.
Be kind! A sad but intriguing read, an eye opener and a good piece to reflect on.
January 5, 2022
Poor mental health and racism - Harewood dives deep into the raw symbiotic relationship by laying bare his personal story.
Having heard Harewood speak, I knew the memoir would be brave, powerful and engaging. It was also harrowing. It is one thing to aspire to an equal society but another to expose the deep individual pain of not living in an equal society. Harewood's journey to psychosis grows out of this search for his identity from a small child to acclaimed actor.
This feels an incredibly frank telling of what psychosis looks like alongside its aftermath. Resilience and sensitivity in abundance. I hope that Harewood, facing such brutal demons in this very public domain, helps shape attitudes and policy
Having heard Harewood speak, I knew the memoir would be brave, powerful and engaging. It was also harrowing. It is one thing to aspire to an equal society but another to expose the deep individual pain of not living in an equal society. Harewood's journey to psychosis grows out of this search for his identity from a small child to acclaimed actor.
This feels an incredibly frank telling of what psychosis looks like alongside its aftermath. Resilience and sensitivity in abundance. I hope that Harewood, facing such brutal demons in this very public domain, helps shape attitudes and policy
September 23, 2025
A book to read to see how the society we have isn't built to include everyone or allow everyone to be themselves as easily as we would like to think, or were taught to believe.
While David did manage to succeed, it took a lot and cost a great deal. His description of psychosis and how it presented itself to him and those around him was very detailed. It really helped in giving you an insight into how it manifested and affected both himself and those around him.
The people he meets and those he would come to call friends come across as great people, so when things happen to them, you do feel for them too.
A very interesting book to read, and an equally interesting person. Definitely a recommended read!
While David did manage to succeed, it took a lot and cost a great deal. His description of psychosis and how it presented itself to him and those around him was very detailed. It really helped in giving you an insight into how it manifested and affected both himself and those around him.
The people he meets and those he would come to call friends come across as great people, so when things happen to them, you do feel for them too.
A very interesting book to read, and an equally interesting person. Definitely a recommended read!
April 6, 2023
Loved it. Touched on so many different aspects including race, mental health and the difficulties of trying to operate in the white space as a black British person in Britain. It was heartbreaking to read David Harewood’s struggle and the lack of follow up support that was provided to him when he needed it the most.
In spite of the difficult topic, there is an underlying message and feeling of hope that resonates throughout. Listened to it as an audiobook and so glad I did.
So eye opening and the epilogue was very moving.
In spite of the difficult topic, there is an underlying message and feeling of hope that resonates throughout. Listened to it as an audiobook and so glad I did.
So eye opening and the epilogue was very moving.
December 1, 2021
I would absolutely recommend. The way David tells his story is absolutely heartbreaking, but wholesome at the same time. The way he puts hus vulnerabillities, being his personal life and experiences with psychosis and racism, on display is absolutely amazing.
I respect him and admire him in every way possible. How he managed to get back out there in a community that has so much trouble with accepting black people is astonishing.
Well done David.
I respect him and admire him in every way possible. How he managed to get back out there in a community that has so much trouble with accepting black people is astonishing.
Well done David.
October 28, 2022
Very interesting memoir centring on David’s psychotic breakdown. He traces it to the cracks caused by experiences as a British Black man, the split in psyche as he struggled to deal with the daily impact of that. Descriptions of his mental ill health are raw and powerful and the institutionalised racism affecting his career, life and medical care are truly disturbing.
September 28, 2021
I listened to this on audio book whilst I was decorating! It really kept me going. It was appalling to hear what David endured throughout his life in terms of racism. Also good to be so open about mental health issues. I really enjoyed this book.
November 29, 2021
A good honest insight into mental health and how it affects your whole life.
October 9, 2022
This is a must read.
July 1, 2021
Actor David Harewood pulls no punches in his autobiography in which he shares the formative events of his life that led to psychotic episodes after becoming an actor, and which ultimately led to him being sectioned twice. Harewood writes in such a friendly, conversational style that is so easy to read that it makes his harrowing depiction of the psychotic episodes that much more effecting. He is completely open about his breakdown and hopes that the book will encourage others, especially Black people, to overcome the stigma of mental health and seek help.
He vividly describes his early childhood and an early life-changing experience of racist abuse in which his psyche is “split” into two separate personas, English and Black. This is juxtaposed with scenes of a warm and loving family life, his love of the TV comedians of the time and the rarity of seeing a black actor on television at the time. This is something I remember myself from growing up, and he paints a very familiar picture of late ‘60s, early ‘70s Britain. Soon David finds himself assimilating into the “white space”. His happy school life, in which he evolved to be the class clown, changes when his father is sectioned following a breakdown. Harewood sees similarities in the drastic changes both he and his father had to undergo through living in England and admits “the white space had taken its toll on both of us”. His parents later divorce also causes the young David a great deal of pain and confusion.
We share his initial euphoria at becoming an actor which soon ends in a haze of alcohol and drug use due to psychological pressure from another actor. The title of the book is a phrase that Harewood keeps saying to himself as he struggles with his identity and feels rejected even by the “Black space” - “maybe I don’t belong here”.
It is around this time in his life when, David admits, his mind begins to unravel. He vividly describes his manic episodes where he would take walks late at night, wavering between periods of lucidity and psychosis, and often wake up the next morning in completely unfamiliar surroundings. The most extreme psychotic event results in him being arrested after believing the voice of Martin Luther King was in his head, directing him, and ends with David being sectioned twice and admitted to a psychiatric hospital. The chapter on this, entitled “The Ward”, is heartbreaking, and on the (probably unwise) advice of his brother he decides to “act normal” to get out of the hospital. Eventually, through sheer resilience, he is able to restart his acting career and to finally find inner peace while playing parts all over the world, which would ultimately lead to him starring in the show “Homeland”. He admits that his illness has given him a resilience to survive in the acting business and that it possibly shook “some of the bullshit” out of him.
The book also touches on Harewood’s shock at discovering the disproportionate amount of black people in the mental health system in the UK. A 2019/2020 survey discovered that “Black and minority people suffer elevated rates of psychosis and schizophrenia compared with white people”. This leads to Harewood making his acclaimed BBC documentary, “Psychosis and Me”, in which he finally learns the real truth about how ill he had been during his breakdown and the production is a profoundly moving experience for him.
This is a raw and honest book about being Black, (Harewood capitalises the word throughout) and about what it means to be Black with mental health actors. The book is refreshingly free of “luvviness”; Harewood necessarily mentions the famous actors he has worked with, but he never loses his starstruck amazement at meeting people like Al Pacino. He bemoans the greater opportunities for Black actors in the USA compared to the UK; pointing this out once got him into a bit of trouble. David Harewood’s book is heartbreaking yet hopeful, and I read it in one sitting.
Many thanks to NetGalley and Pan Macmillan for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this title.
He vividly describes his early childhood and an early life-changing experience of racist abuse in which his psyche is “split” into two separate personas, English and Black. This is juxtaposed with scenes of a warm and loving family life, his love of the TV comedians of the time and the rarity of seeing a black actor on television at the time. This is something I remember myself from growing up, and he paints a very familiar picture of late ‘60s, early ‘70s Britain. Soon David finds himself assimilating into the “white space”. His happy school life, in which he evolved to be the class clown, changes when his father is sectioned following a breakdown. Harewood sees similarities in the drastic changes both he and his father had to undergo through living in England and admits “the white space had taken its toll on both of us”. His parents later divorce also causes the young David a great deal of pain and confusion.
We share his initial euphoria at becoming an actor which soon ends in a haze of alcohol and drug use due to psychological pressure from another actor. The title of the book is a phrase that Harewood keeps saying to himself as he struggles with his identity and feels rejected even by the “Black space” - “maybe I don’t belong here”.
It is around this time in his life when, David admits, his mind begins to unravel. He vividly describes his manic episodes where he would take walks late at night, wavering between periods of lucidity and psychosis, and often wake up the next morning in completely unfamiliar surroundings. The most extreme psychotic event results in him being arrested after believing the voice of Martin Luther King was in his head, directing him, and ends with David being sectioned twice and admitted to a psychiatric hospital. The chapter on this, entitled “The Ward”, is heartbreaking, and on the (probably unwise) advice of his brother he decides to “act normal” to get out of the hospital. Eventually, through sheer resilience, he is able to restart his acting career and to finally find inner peace while playing parts all over the world, which would ultimately lead to him starring in the show “Homeland”. He admits that his illness has given him a resilience to survive in the acting business and that it possibly shook “some of the bullshit” out of him.
The book also touches on Harewood’s shock at discovering the disproportionate amount of black people in the mental health system in the UK. A 2019/2020 survey discovered that “Black and minority people suffer elevated rates of psychosis and schizophrenia compared with white people”. This leads to Harewood making his acclaimed BBC documentary, “Psychosis and Me”, in which he finally learns the real truth about how ill he had been during his breakdown and the production is a profoundly moving experience for him.
This is a raw and honest book about being Black, (Harewood capitalises the word throughout) and about what it means to be Black with mental health actors. The book is refreshingly free of “luvviness”; Harewood necessarily mentions the famous actors he has worked with, but he never loses his starstruck amazement at meeting people like Al Pacino. He bemoans the greater opportunities for Black actors in the USA compared to the UK; pointing this out once got him into a bit of trouble. David Harewood’s book is heartbreaking yet hopeful, and I read it in one sitting.
Many thanks to NetGalley and Pan Macmillan for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this title.
March 5, 2022
It'd be a criminal understatement to say that this book is a brave undertaking in sharing such a deeply personal and debilitating moment of one's life.
Deeply personal, but sadly not unique and not talked about enough.
I could go on... FOREVER about the struggles of being a black actor in England. The battle for one's identity.... Surely one must consider themselves British if they are born here?
Yes, but people will hurl abuse at you due to your appearance.
And then you're TOLD that you're "Black".
Every POC remembers the first time they were made to feel "other". For me I was 8, telling my mum that "I wished I was white".
She was, understandably very upset.
But in this book, Mr Harewood is able to articulate this experience in a way that I never thought it possible or even permissible to do. He described that moment as being split into two...
A British side and a Black side. And for so long it seemed like the two couldn't co-exist.
Really powerful stuff.
I'm glad we're in an age where talking about mental health is a more open and productive topic. Here is an account of an individual who bared the lowest point of his life to the world, and in writing it has shown his strength.
I really, really cannot do this book justice with my poor choice of words above. I do want to say, that in the cause of defeating racism and beginning the process of healing and understanding, experiences like these need to be discussed more.
Deeply personal, but sadly not unique and not talked about enough.
I could go on... FOREVER about the struggles of being a black actor in England. The battle for one's identity.... Surely one must consider themselves British if they are born here?
Yes, but people will hurl abuse at you due to your appearance.
And then you're TOLD that you're "Black".
Every POC remembers the first time they were made to feel "other". For me I was 8, telling my mum that "I wished I was white".
She was, understandably very upset.
But in this book, Mr Harewood is able to articulate this experience in a way that I never thought it possible or even permissible to do. He described that moment as being split into two...
A British side and a Black side. And for so long it seemed like the two couldn't co-exist.
Really powerful stuff.
I'm glad we're in an age where talking about mental health is a more open and productive topic. Here is an account of an individual who bared the lowest point of his life to the world, and in writing it has shown his strength.
I really, really cannot do this book justice with my poor choice of words above. I do want to say, that in the cause of defeating racism and beginning the process of healing and understanding, experiences like these need to be discussed more.
October 4, 2022
This is an important book, and I get the impression it really educated a lot of white British people about the racism Black Britons have faced, and are still facing, over the years. As an American, it was fascinating to read about the differences between countries. I've read a lot of memoirs and nonfiction books discussing my country's racist history and present, so it was interesting to see the perspective from a Black British man. I'm also a fan of David Harewood the actor, which is one of the reasons I picked up this book. (He was in Homeland and is on Supergirl.) However, I couldn't really get into the writing of this book. I felt like the writing was talking AT me, not telling me a story. For example, there are a couple of places where he just casually mentions things like he moved in with a woman and had a child. It's just a statement of fact, and he moves on, not telling me their story. (Show, don't tell!) I have noticed this with other British nonfiction books too—they sometimes tell you a lot of facts but don't write in a more journalistic narrative voice that I'm accustomed to and appreciate here in the States. But again, it's an important story, and I think a lot of white British people, in particular, would do well by reading this.
August 3, 2023
I particularly wanted to read this as it's rare to hear about the black experience from a British perspective, and it was clear from interviews that Harewood had been both eloquent and brave in sharing his story.
Describing his daily lived experience, it's easy to see how an intelligent and thoughtful young man came to feel split in two, to the extent of having a complete breakdown. I've had issues with identity and belonging in the UK but those feelings came from inside me, because looking like the majority white population, I never experienced rejection such as described here and by other black British men (and to a lesser extent, women).
I'd originally believed Harewood to be American from the roles I'd seen him play in some excellent TV (I didn't know previously of his extensive theatre repertoire). It's a puzzle to me that anyone would choose to live in the US where cops carry guns and use them freely, especially when dealing with people of colour, but Harewood explains the attraction.
This is a powerful read, told in a strong and clear voice. Recommended reading, especially for those non-black British who are determined to hide behind their assertion of colour-blindness. It's not enough and this book tells you why.
Describing his daily lived experience, it's easy to see how an intelligent and thoughtful young man came to feel split in two, to the extent of having a complete breakdown. I've had issues with identity and belonging in the UK but those feelings came from inside me, because looking like the majority white population, I never experienced rejection such as described here and by other black British men (and to a lesser extent, women).
I'd originally believed Harewood to be American from the roles I'd seen him play in some excellent TV (I didn't know previously of his extensive theatre repertoire). It's a puzzle to me that anyone would choose to live in the US where cops carry guns and use them freely, especially when dealing with people of colour, but Harewood explains the attraction.
This is a powerful read, told in a strong and clear voice. Recommended reading, especially for those non-black British who are determined to hide behind their assertion of colour-blindness. It's not enough and this book tells you why.
December 17, 2024
i’m not usually a fan of memoirs and tend to only read them if i am aware of whose story is being told, but when i saw this title “maybe i don’t belong here” i had to pick it up and learn more
harewood details an upsetting account of his journey with mental illness as a black man living in england - a topic i had never given much thought to - now that i’ve just completed a mental health law and mental capacity law module, the book definitely piqued my interest just a little more
the phrase “there ain’t no black in the union jack” literally had me speechless when david gave an account where that was first shouted at him; however i did find him to be reiterating some of the same pieces of information again and again and again
overall an important book dealing with a range of hugely important topics; definitely coming away from this book with a few thoughts - “if the white space couldn’t see it, i wouldn’t be it”
harewood details an upsetting account of his journey with mental illness as a black man living in england - a topic i had never given much thought to - now that i’ve just completed a mental health law and mental capacity law module, the book definitely piqued my interest just a little more
the phrase “there ain’t no black in the union jack” literally had me speechless when david gave an account where that was first shouted at him; however i did find him to be reiterating some of the same pieces of information again and again and again
overall an important book dealing with a range of hugely important topics; definitely coming away from this book with a few thoughts - “if the white space couldn’t see it, i wouldn’t be it”
December 21, 2023
One of the best memoirs I have read about race, identity, mental illness, psychosis, resilience and recovery. A tremendously brave account of how a young black man loses his grip on reality and is sectioned under the mental health act. The love and care shown by his friends and above all by his mother protect him and nurture his recovery. So much emotion. An unforgettable read.
January 8, 2022
Excellent read, David Harewood shares his life journey so far with brutal honesty. Racism in the 70/80s, Racism today, English Identity, mental health and what it means to have incredible caring friends. An immersive read, thanks David for the insight.
December 31, 2021
Thank you for this David.
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