Will the Drama Ever End?: Untangling and Healing from the Harmful Effects of Parental Narcissism

by Karyl McBride

“A welcome companion book from a brilliant therapist” (Maren Cooper, author of Finding Grace), this is a comprehensive and actionable guide to understanding and healing from narcissistic family abuse.

A pioneer on the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse, Karyl McBride, PhD, has the answer for anyone desperate for help in overcoming the damage of being raised in a family headed by a narcissistic parent.

Divided into three sections, McBride explores the insidious way a narcissistic environment is developed in a family, how a narcissistic parent damages a child’s emotional growth and ability to trust, and finally, how to not only move on but become truly free. Along with an easy-to-follow five-step recovery program, plus a 33-question quiz to determine if you or a family member is displaying narcissistic traits, this “must-read” (Wendy Behary, author of Disarming the Narcissist) provides understanding and hope for anyone wishing to thrive after abuse.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Audiobook, Relationships, Parenting

268 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 21, 2023

Reviews

[Catherine (alternativelytitledbooks) - still catching up! · Rating 4 out of 5]

**Many thanks to NetGalley, Atria, and Karyl McBride for an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review! Now available as of 2.21!!**

Karyl McBride's body of work as a therapist centers around narcissism, and rather than a focus on how this plays in romantic relationships or the dynamic of a mother-daughter relationship involving a narcissist parent, Will the Drama Ever End? is a more comprehensive look at both the narcissistic dynamic and how those affected can heal from the associated trauma.

McBride divides the book into three segments: the first deals with the Narcissistic Family as a whole, the second explores the impact of Narcissistic Parenting, and the third serves as the 5 step 'toolkit' for recovery. McBride's writing is clear and accessible, and you don't necessarily need any familiarity with narcissism or its implications to be able to jump into exploring the dynamics. She provides just enough background for those unfamiliar with the disorder to get up to speed quickly and learn the 'rules' that keep a family acquiescing to a narcissist.

From hereon out, there is a plethora of examples and case studies included throughout the book, and for me this was the only point of disconnect I experienced while reading because almost ALL of the examples are what I'd classify as extreme or almost shocking. Parents are often screaming and demeaning their children, are physically abusive towards their family members, and make a scene at the drop of the hat. This isn't to say of these circumstances were exaggerated or untrue: on the contrary, it makes me sad to say they probably are ALL fair and accurate representations. However, a reader who is approaching this book with parent(s) who maybe possessed narcissistic TRAITS or lesser behaviors might have a harder time relating to the material an applying it to their own situation.

Part three is where the meat and potatoes of this particular book lies, and McBride does present a fairly comprehensive guide on a 5 step healing process. There are plenty of behavioral exercises as well as helpful prompts for journaling to get you from A to B, however long that process takes (McBride advises to truly take your time and revisit steps if necessary). While I do think this section was beneficial overall and had some great tips, in some ways I think this might have functioned better on its own, as a workbook. In this way, it could probably have served as a companion piece to ANY of McBride's books about narcissism and would also be a handy tool for in person therapy as well.

This is a very accessible, honest, focused, and empathetic book certain to help anyone who has suffered emotional damage at the hands of a narcissist: I would definitely recommend to anyone who could benefit from these thoughtful and compassionate words!

4 stars

[Delaney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whether you grew up in a narcissistic environment yourself, you love someone who did and want to understand what they went through, or you want to be aware of what NOT to do, this is a great read. I’m lucky that I was raised in a very healthy and loving environment, so I personally didn’t gain much benefit from the third portion of the book which is about the recovery process. If you did grow up in that toxic environment, you definitely would. However, I really appreciated reading the first two portions which explore the psychological effects/reasons/situations of the narcissistic parent/child relationship. I would definitely recommend this book if you enjoy reading about real world psychological problems and their effects.

Thank you to the publisher for the ARC

[Bethany Coad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Validating. I kept thinking, “omg, I’m not crazy!” Practical, and easy to read. Now one of my top ten books for recovery from childhood trauma.

[Wouter Zwemmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interessant boek voor geïnteresseerden in narcistische gezinsdynamiek. Wel wat Amerikaanserig met veel herhalingen en voorbeelden uit de counsellingpraktijk van de auteur. Die voorbeelden zijn soms illustratief maar bieden geen nieuwe inzichten en zijn in ieder geval deels overbodig.

Aantekeningen voor mezelf gemaakt. Eén grote spoiler.

Kenmerken van een narcistisch gezin:
- Niemand is zo belangrijk als de narcistische ouder;
- Imago is alles; gevoelens zijn niet belangrijk, uiterlijkheden wel;
- Verstoorde communicatie; vaak sprake van triangulatie = dat een boodschap niet rechtstreeks, maar via een ander wordt gegeven (praten over ipv praten met); ook: gaslighting, projectie van eigen issues op kinderen, beschaming en vernedering, verdraaien en verleden herschrijven, boosheid;
- Een hechte ban met gezinsleden wordt als bedreigend gezien;
- De kinderen hebben geen zelfvertrouwen; kinderen worden ontmoedigd om vertrouwen in eigen intuïtie of beoordelingsvermogen te hebben (agressief en openlijk, of subtiel en heimelijk via manipulatie en ontkenning);
- Gebrek aan empathie van de ouder voor de kinderen;
- Narcistische ouder neemt geen verantwoordelijkheid voor eigen gedrag en beslissingen;
- De narcistische ouder heeft constant kritiek op anderen en veroordeelt anderen voortdurend; vaak omdat ze zelf weinig stabiele eigenwaarde hebben;
- Afgunst, verlangen naar een gevoel van superioriteit;
- Narcisten raken gefixeerd op beledigingen en cultiveren hun verwonding en vergroten die uit; mensen die met hen samenleven moeten daarom constant op hun tenen lopen;
- Gebrek aan emotionele consistentie van de narc ouder; kind interpreteert onvoorspelbare emotionele instabiliteit van de ouder als ‘haar/zijn schuld’;
- Narcistische ouders willen controle en gedragen zich autoritair en veeleisend; de ouder die het narcistische gedrag van de andere ouder faciliteert heet: “enabler”.

Ongeschreven regels in een narcistisch gezin:
- Laat je ware gevoelens niet zien;
- Houd het imago van het ‘perfecte gezin’ in stand;
- De behoeften van de ouder zijn belangrijker dan de behoeften van de kinderen;
- Kinderen hebben geen recht op grenzen of privacy.

Rollen in narcistisch gezin:
- Enabler; meestal de echtgenoot/note, meestal codependent; degenen die de narcist doorzien denken dat ze hen beter kunnen maken;
- De zondebok; het kind waarop de narcist de meeste (zelf)kritiek projecteert; dit kan ook de rebel zijn;
- Het gouden kind; het kind op wie de narc ouder hun ideaalbeeld projecteert;
- Het verloren kind; teruggetrokken, creatief, wil onzichtbaar zijn.

Invloed van narcistische ouder op kinderen:
- Vertraagde emotionele ontwikkeling; voelen zich vaak van binnen leeg; zoeken (co)dependente relaties om voor anderen te kunnen zorgen; of eenlingen; narcisten hebben vaak een gestagneerde emotionele ontwikkeling (als volwassene een emotionele ontw van een Kind), dat hoeft niet voor kinderen van narcisten te gelden;
- Op de gevoelens van de ouder gericht zijn ipv op eigen gevoelens;
- Op triggers reageren; overreageren op specifieke triggers.
- Aangetast vertrouwen: niemand kunnen vertrouwen, altijd op je hoede zijn; soms juist te snel van vertrouwen uit verlangen naar intimiteit;

Hechting
Drie soorten hechting:
- Angstig: telkens met de relatie bezig zijn uit angst de partner te verliezen;
- Vermijdend: proberen niet te close te worden met anderen;
- Veilig: voelen zich prettig bij intimiteit, warm en liefdevol.
Oplossing ligt in leren vertrouwen van jezelf.

Onderdrukte separatie-individuatie
Betekent: loskomen van je ouders en ontwikkelen van een ik-besef. Is een innerlijk proces.
Narcistische ouders belemmeren separatie-individuatie van hun kinderen., op twee manieren:
- Negeren: kind wordt genegeerd. Kind heeft meeste emotionele energie nodig voor krijgen van aandacht en acceptatie, hierdoor onvoldoende als individu ontwikkeld;
- Bemoeizucht: kind krijgt geen kans om eigen oordeel en keuzes te vormen.
Reacties van kinderen:
- Overpresteerders: uitblinkers, om liefde te krijgen;
- Zelfsaboteurs: hebben het opgegeven, immers toch niet goed genoeg…;
- Het disfunctionele gezin ‘beter willen maken’;
- Zorgen voor het disfunctionele gezin;
- Fatalisme, depressie: ‘het is wat het is’, ‘ik kan er toch niets aan veranderen ‘;
Ouder wordende ouders. Angst voor onterving. Wat nodig is is een balans tussen zelfzorg en minimaal contact met ouders.

Eigenwaarde is innerlijk gevoel een goed mens te zijn die het verdient om geliefd en geaccepteerd te worden.

Volgens McBride vertonen veel slachtoffers van narcistische ouders symptomen van ptss of complexe ptss (cptss).

Heling en zelfbevrijding
Meestal loopt gezinstherapie met een narcist op niets uit, dus is heling een individueel proces.

Vijf stappen:
1. Acceptatie, rouwen en traumaverwerking. Acceptatie moeilijk omdat ontkenning belangrijk onderdeel is van het narcistische gezinssysteem. En omdat kinderen de erkenning van ouders moeten loslaten, die krijgen ze nl nooit.
2. Separatie en individuatie. Psychologisch loskomen van je gezin en gezinsdynamiek: ‘ik’ losmaken van ‘wij’. De rol die je speelde in het gezin loslaten, je eigen uniekheid erkennen. Niet meer meedoen aan triangulatie. Je bewust worden van de geprojecteerde gevoelens van de narcist. Afgunst van de narcistische ouder overwinnen. Verinnerlijkte negatieve boodschappen veranderen in positieve. Het informele gezinsmotto op de proef stellen. Loskomen van de controlerende of negerende ouder.
3. Het verwonde innerlijke kind geven wat het niet van zijn/haar ouders kreeg (reparenting) en worden wie je echt bent. Maak een lijst van wat je voor je plezier doet; herontdek je talenten en passies; hoe is het fysiek met je gesteld?; neem je voorkeuren, waarden en overtuigingen onder de loep.
4. Omgaan met de narcistische ouder en de rest van het nest. Beslissingen over contact met je ouders en broers en zussen (geen contact, beleefd contact); leren luisteren naar je gevoel en grenzen stellen; als de ander over de grens die je duidelijk hebt gesteld, stapt, dan kun je her beste uit de situatie stappen; vergeving in de betekenis van ‘innerlijk loslaten’; welke (niet-materiële) geschenken heb je gekregen in het gezin waarin je opgroeide? (Talenten, capaciteiten, sterke punten);
5. Einde maken aan de erfenis van verwrongen liefde. Eigen narcistische neiging in toom houden; wordt ren tegenpool van narcistisch: empathisch. Laat anderen zien dat je jezelf en de ander waardeert; waardeer de persoon, niet alleen de prestaties; leer kinderen verantwoordelijkheid voor eigen gedrag te nemen; voorkom dat het mind denkt dat het belangrijker is en meer rechten heeft dan anderen; ontwikkel je kernwaarden en pas ze toe; wees authentiek; waak je voor aangaan liefdesrelatie met een narcist uit herkenning; idem vriendschappen.

Narcistische eigenschappen afleren
“Als je in een narcistisch gezin bent opgegroeid, heb je wellicht een aantal narcistische trekjes aangeleerd. Dat betekent niet dat je een narcist bent.”

“Je helingsproces is een levenslange reis.”

[Tara Cignarella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Will the Drama Ever End? By Karyl McBride
Self-Help: A
Psychology: A
Examples: B+
Writing: A
Best Aspect: Very easy to grasp what the author is saying.
Worst Aspect: Could be a little more in depth in parts.
Recommend: Yes

[Nursebookie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing and insightful read

[Janine · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very insightful book with lots of personal experiences to explain how life with a narcissistic parent or parents is for a child.
It delves deeper into types of narcissism, roles that the people in your family play within this family dynamic and what you can do as an adult to heal from this harmful upbringing.
Definitely would recommend if you want to know more about narcism, family dynamics and learn different exercises and ways to help you heal.

[katie ⋆⭒˚.⋆ · Rating 4 out of 5]

in the most non dramatic way possible, this was SO. VALIDATING. i had to pull out the notes app at every other page to copy quotes. especially the discussions of the three types of children and image.

[Kayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

great insights and journal prompts

[Julie Ieronymides · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who has a close relationship with a narcissist. This book is aimed at the children of narcissistic parents but it applies to every victim. The most important advice this book gives is that you CANNOT change the behavior of a real narcissist but you can learn to cope with them.
Also it discusses what the real narcissist is and how easily this word is used incorrectly. Every human has some narcissistic tendencies but not all are narcissists.
Read it. Do the journaling exercises. Check out the research. Read the other recommended books. 100%

[Jeremy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Notes:

+ 2 basic types of narcissistic parents
- 1. Overt: engulfing & suffocating
- 2. Covert: ignoring & neglect


+ Qualities of a narcissistic parental dynamic:
- No one is as important as the narcissistic parent
- Image is everything
- Distorted communication
- Familial bonds are suspect (due to the possibility they could form alliances against the narcissist)
- Children lack Self-trust (Nothing threatens a narcissist more than a fully formed, emotionally mature and stable individual who is capable of walking away from the narcissist’s drama)
- Parent’s lack of empathy
- Parent’s lack of personal accountability
- Parent’s constant criticism and judgment of others
- Envy is the enemy of love (The child of the narcissist is criticized for their weaknesses and envied for their strengths, which basically obliterates the child’s sense of self)
- The narcissistic injury
- The parent’s profound lack of consistency
- Holding family members hostage to the narcissist’s needs


+ Dysfunctional communication techniques
- Gaslighting
- Triangulation and Indirect Messaging
- Projection
- Shaming and Humiliation
- Distortion and Rewriting History
- Narcissistic Rage and Anger


+ Spoken and Unspoken Rules
1. Don’t Show Your True Feelings
2. Keep Up the “Perfect Family” Image
3. Parental Needs Take Precedence Over Children’s Needs
4. Children Are Not Entitled to Boundaries or Privacy


+ Dysfunctional family roles
- Mascot/Clown: one role is usually not found when there is a parental narcissist: the mascot or clown child. This child’s role in an alcoholic family is to relieve tension by making jokes and being funny. I believe the reason we don’t see this role being taken on by a child in a narcissistic family is that the narcissist would be too threatened by the attention a humorous child would attract
- Enabler
- Golden child: Many golden children report a difficulty with individuation—that is, separating from their family of origin, particularly from the narcissistic parent who smothers them and has defined who they are as individuals
- Scapegoat: The interesting thing about the scapegoat child is that they are usually the healthiest in the family, because they call out the truth earlier than the others. They tend to break the patterns of dysfunction sooner than the other family members and often are the only one in the family who works on ending the legacy of narcissism in their adult lives
- Lost child: Since lost children often report being disconnected from their feelings as children, as adults in therapy one of their main challenges is to get in touch with their feelings and really feel them. Because they learned as children to deny their feelings and desires, they have a hard time expressing what they need or want. Learning to do so is a goal—and a challenge


+ Effects of parental narcissism on children
- Delayed Emotional Development
- Impaired Trust: I can’t rely on others, including those closest to me, so I have to take care of things myself
- Suppressed Separation-Individuation


+ Psychological barriers to separation-individuation
- I Want to Be Loved and Accepted: if you grew up with a lack of love, acceptance, and attention, you probably learned to keep trying to get it
- I Want to Fix My Family: the “fix it” trap is a common theme for adult children of narcissists
- I Have to Take Care of Them: individuation is often suppressed due to the ingrained message that the child is supposed to take care of the parent
- I Don’t Feel Strong Enough to Work on Me: people who grow up in emotionally and psychologically abusive families often feel beat up and emotionally worn down
- I Still Care What My Parents Think of Me


+ 5-step recovery model
Step 1—Acceptance, Grieving, and Processing Trauma
Step 2—Separation and Individuation: The goal of Step Two is to work toward fully separating psychologically from your narcissistic family and its dynamics in order to become your own person
Step 3—Re-Parenting the Wounded Child Within and Becoming Who You Truly Are
Step 4—Managing Your Narcissistic Parent and the Rest of the Nest
Step 5—Ending the Legacy of Distorted Love




Quotes:

“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” Jean-Paul Sartre

Narcissistic parents need their children to be a reflection of their parent’s worth, which means the child must present a false front of perfection in order to satisfy the needs of their parent. The child is not allowed to fail or be flawed in any way, since this would jeopardize the parent’s sense of self-worth.

I usually discourage such confrontation by my patients, because a narcissistic parent’s inability to be accountable for their behavior generally results in the adult child’s continued pain, disappointment, and angst.

Recovery is an inside job, which doesn’t involve confronting or changing your parent.

Whether your parent was an engulfing or ignoring narcissist, the impact was the same. You didn’t have the opportunity to grow and become an individual by engaging in the crucial developmental process of separation-individuation, which should normally occur throughout childhood.

If your narcissistic parent couldn’t show empathy and provide proper nurturing and parenting, you probably accepted the message “I’m unlovable.” Such internalized negative messages can be extremely difficult to erase because they have been imprinted onto your psyche over a long period of time. And even though your adult self knows that those harmful beliefs about yourself are incorrect, your internal child still believes them to be true.

[Gintare · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stiprybė glūdi gebėjime priimti tiesą.

Šią viltingą žinutę skaitytojams siunčia narcisizmo tyrinėtoja, šeimos terapeutė Karyl Mcbride naujausioje knygoje „Narcizas šeimoje“.

Tačiau prieiti iki tiesos pripažinimo – ilgas kelias. Daugelis suaugusių vaikų iš narciziškų šeimų bijo klysti vertindami savo tėvus ar šeimą.

K. Mcbride primena: „Jūsų jausmai, suvokimas ir prisiminimai yra jūsų. Jausmai negali būti klaidingi.“

Autorė aiškiai ir išsamiai atskleidžia emocinio smurto dinamiką, o knygoje (350 pusl.) pateikia daugybę realių žmonių istorijų iš narcisistinių šeimų.

Ir kantriai kartoja – realybės pripažinimas nepaverčia jūsų blogu žmogumi. Liesdami trauminę patirtį, galite patirti nemalonių jausmų, bet tai būtina išgijimui.

Traumos įveikimui K. Mcbride siūlo dienoraščio rašymą, fizinius ir patyriminius pratimus. „Kadangi traumos kaupiasi mūsų kūne, mąstymas apie jausmus fizinio krūvio metu – vienas iš būdų išvilioti tuos jausmus iš kūno“, – paaiškina ji.

Knygoje pateikiami kertiniai klausimai, kurie gali padėti pildyti dienoraštį ir sveikti nuo emocinio apleistumo.

Pvz., kokią istoriją apie mane pasakoja mano šeima? Ar aš sutinku su šiuo pasakojimu?

Kartais žmonės vaikystę atsimena tik nuotrupomis. Kaip elgtis tuomet? Autorė pataria pažiūrėti filmų apie disfunkcines šeimas, pamėginti atpažinti toksiškus santykius tarp tėvų ir vaikų ar partnerių ir... leisti sau išsiverkti.

Filmai narcisizmo tema, kurie man patiko ir įstrigo atminty:

• Mano karalius / Mon Roi (2015 m.)
• Atkirtis / Whiplash (2014 m.)
• Nakties klajūnas / Nightcrawler (2014 m.)
• Mano liūdna meilės istorija / Blue Valentine (2010 m.)
• Rudens sonata / Autumn Sonata (1978 m.)

[Kotryna Moleviciute · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vienas svarbiausių knygos aspektų – aiškus narciziškos asmenybės bruožų paaiškinimas. Autorius išsamiai aptaria, kaip narciziškas žmogus gali elgtis šeimoje: manipuliuoti, menkinti kitų jausmus, siekti kontrolės ar nuolatinio dėmesio. Skaitytojui pateikiami realistiški pavyzdžiai, kurie padeda atpažinti tokius elgesio modelius kasdieniame gyvenime.

Knyga taip pat pabrėžia psichologinį poveikį šeimos nariams. Dažnai gyvenant su narcizišku žmogumi patiriamas kaltės jausmas, savivertės sumažėjimas ir emocinis nuovargis. Autorius paaiškina, kaip tokios situacijos formuojasi ir kodėl jas kartais sunku pastebėti iš vidaus.

Dar vienas itin svarbus aspektas – praktinės rekomendacijos, kaip elgtis tokiose situacijose. Skaitytojui siūlomi būdai, kaip nustatyti asmenines ribas, išlaikyti emocinį stabilumą ir apsaugoti save nuo manipuliacijos.

Tai naudinga ir informatyvi knyga, skirta visiems, kurie nori geriau suprasti sudėtingus šeimos santykius ir stiprinti savo psichologinę gerovę. Ji skatina kritiškai pažvelgti į santykius, atpažinti destruktyvius elgesio modelius ir ieškoti sveikesnių bendravimo būdų.

[Lenny Husen · Rating 5 out of 5]

5.0, better than her prevous 2 books (I listened to the author narrate them on Audible for free), and while those 2 were very good, this one is especially and smoothly well-written and organized, with many stories based on the author and her experiences with patients. Journal activities with prompts and questions, that are vital to the healing process. This is a better book to own in paper copy than audio.
If you at all identify with the title or if it sparks your interest, definitely you need to drop everything and read this book. It's a fast read, but I took it slowly to have time to reflect.
Similarly to the other books, there is no focus on blame or anger here, but rather a push toward what the adult child of a narcissist parent can personally do to better "adult", heal, move on, forgive, and thrive.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Traditional Format 📕 (paper)

I am on a bit of a self help marathon of dealing with narcissistic parent books so my rating is probably reflective of comparing ones that I have read. The title was what drew me to read this one 😂

What I liked about this one was the section on healing steps and the associated journalling exercises. The content and examples on what is a narcissist and the types was informative and once again I thought I would see photos of my mother in the illustrations 🙃.

Overall though compared to the other books on this topic it wasn’t my favourite. It was decent but I found books that resonated with me a little more in terms of approach.

I give this one a 3/5 —- not bad but there are stronger books out there.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

“…love is a verb and is expressed by selfless acts of kindness, attention, acceptance, and consistent nonjudgmental support…”

……………………………………………..

“While we may want to let go of our resentment and anger toward a narcissistic parent, forgiving a narcissist can be challenging because they are usually unaccountable for their abusive behavior. They don’t believe there is anything wrong with the way they have patented and behaved toward you. If someone is genuinely sorry for their behavior, it is obviously easier to forgive them: but authentic remorse and accountability - a key to sound mental health - is something we don’t often see in narcissists.”

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life. It helped me understand and appreciate the gravity of what had happened to me as a child. Never before did I have the language or understanding to process what had transpired and how deeply it has affected me and my life. Reading the anecdotes from previous clients was tremendously insightful and made me feel less alone. The latter part of the book has taught me the beginning skills of how I’ll need to re-parent myself and the wounded child that exists within me. I’m so grateful to have found this book and will rely on its guidance for months and years to come.

[Lana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was enjoying this book until I read this line on page 93.
“A meme on the internet by “anonymous” says it well: breaking someone’s trust is like crumbling a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over, but it’s never going to be the same again. “
Kind of hard to maintain credibility after that one..

[Pam Reeves · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good, but…

The author wrote thoroughly and clearly about narcissism, but the book didn’t seem to go as deep as other books I’ve read on the subject. One was for both therapists and laymen, so I received some deep insight about narcissism. It made this book seem a little shallow in comparison.

[TimsGlitterBug · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly insightful, helpful book. A great tool for everyone who's been raised in such a family system... details not only what this family system is like, it's impact in a person, but also how to truly identify, grieve and heal from its deep impact on a soul so as to disentangle from such an enmeshed family experience into a more self-differentiating life experience.

[Terrie Bissonnette · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for anyone that has gone through this with a toxic parent. It truly only ends when you finally get to that heartbreaking point that enough is enough. Going full no contact is truly the only way to heal. Don't fall for the hoover attempts, you will only put yourself through the toxic cycle again and again.

[Sherrema Oom-Dove]

I greatly appreciated Dr. McBride's work as she helped me understand themes in my own family and how I can set boundaries to stop the cycle of narcissism and emotional abuse. She says that looking at the way one was raised 'means you are coming to your own authentic Self.'

[Richelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 1/2 stars. This book is insightful, and might be the best book I have ever come across to try to understand and heal from parental narcissism. Written from the heart and by the end one can feel loved and empowered to move forward in their lives.

[Tinamarie Cox · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was excellent. A very unbiased view of a difficult topic. Validating and practical. Definitely recommend for anyone wanting some guidance and direction in healing and coping with difficult family members.

[Erica Char]

DNF.

Perhaps im being too harsh on this book, I don’t know. I was really put off by how much it felt like the author was focused on herself.

I also didn’t like that every paragraph contained a case study. While I appreciate McBride showing her work, it started feeling shoehorned.

[Melissa Terzis · Rating 5 out of 5]

W O W

That feeling when you realize someone “gets it.” I truly cannot say enough good things about this book. I screenshot a couple passages and sent them to my siblings and they were equally surprised.

This hit home, hard. Thank you, Dr. McBride.

[Amanda Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Long time fan of Dr. McBride's work. Highly recommend! Wish this book had been available in my 20's.

[Rachel Hacker · Rating 5 out of 5]

What is so fascinating to me about narcissists is that they are all so alike; they live by the same play book. And once you've met one, you know them all. Run, don't walk, away from a narcissist!

[Katie Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helpful for understanding the impact of narcissistic family systems.

[Rebecca boyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Haven't read this yet but will be reading it soon.