Tears in the Water

by Margherita Scialla

A character-driven, slice-of-life contemporary story of love and self-discovery.

At White Ravens University, where athletes train to become professional sportspeople, Alex is on the swimming team with her best friend, Xiuying. Having grown up mostly alone, parents absent and brother often busy with his own life, Alex tends not to meet new people unless she and Xiuying are together.
After an embarrassing encounter with a boy from the volleyball team Alex soon discovers that the world isn’t so big after all and the universe has a funny way of setting people up, especially when and with whom they’re least expecting.
Despite her reserved character, Alex becomes part of a newly formed friend group consisting of four amazing people with different identities and personalities. As she tries to overcome her anxiety and negative past events, Alex finds herself both struggling with romantic feelings for a new acquaintance and a full blown gender crisis.

✿✿✿✿✿✿

“A honest and raw story about struggling to find your own identity, with a thoughtful portrayal of neurodivergence and anxiety that doesn't shy away from the ugliness of it. Scialla offers comfort to every outcast that they are worthy of love no matter how messy they are.”
— Francesca Tacchi, author of Let the Mountains Be My Grave

“Both authentically raw and full of heart — TEARS IN THE WATER will sweep you off your feet. In between wonderfully written explorations of gender and sexuality, Scialla has crafted a story filled to the brim with lovable characters, each with their own struggles to discover and accept themselves. With a sweet romance at the center, be prepared to fall in love with this book. ”
— Rafael Nicolás, author of Angels Before Man

Genres: Queer, LGBT, Romance, Contemporary, Transgender, Sports, Young Adult

277 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 17, 2023

About the author

Margherita Scialla (they/them) is a gen-z author born and raised in Italy. They obsessively studied languages for years, only to drastically change paths and study design at university.
They now spend their days procrastinating and avoiding all and any responsibility (and getting their driving license) in order to read and write.

Reviews

[Margherita Scialla · Rating 5 out of 5]

This time I'll be using this review space to let everyone know what representation they can find in the book, as well as the trigger warnings!

Representation:
🏳️‍⚧️ Pansexual Gender-Questioning (leaning towards nonbinary) White Main Character (who also has a brief asexual crisis)
🏳️‍⚧️ Trans (ftm) Demisexual White Love Interest
🏳️‍🌈 Lesbian Chinese (Important) Side Character
🏳️‍🌈 Aromantic Asexual Black Side Character
🏳️‍🌈 Bisexual White Side Character.

Content Warnings:
body dysphoria, gender dysphoria, self-blame, repetitive self-hatred and negative thoughts, self-harm (not cutting), anxiety, anxiety/panic attacks, neurodivergent burnout, going non-verbal, anger issues, mentions of homophobia and transphobia, misgendering, brief sexual harassment, mention of diets, eating outside of meal times, parental neglect, alcohol consumption (although all the characters can legally drink), cussing.
Please take care of yourself while reading!

Some of the above can be experienced in different ways depending on the person, so not everyone’s experience will be the same. I wrote this book mixing my personal experiences with those of people I know, or according to research I carried out, and I hope someone will relate to my portrayal of the topics in question.

[ribbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

T4T SPORTS ROMANCE WITH NEURODIVERGENT MC AGHHHWHX, u all i had so so much fun with this one. i personally loved it, definitely like little to no plot, all super character driven but it’s a quick read and the mc was so relatable to me as a queer, trans, teen. i also eat sports romance books up, and then add a trans mc, DONE i will most likely love it.

one of my fav things about the book was probably the way the author doesn’t shy away from any language regarding the way the characters identify/ label themselves as. i found it super refreshing.

i think one of the reasons why i read it so quickly and had such a good time is because it read like a fic, in the sense where you don’t spend a lot time world building or getting to know anyone but the mc/very few side characters and it’s very character driven and focused on the main relationship. (besides the main relationship being T4T there is a sapphic side couple and another queer character that they are all friends with).

I would compare this to Icebreaker (the mlm one), and also maybe even i wish you all the best by mason deaver!

[Anniek · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book felt like a tight hug (and those are the best hugs). I was afraid it would be a little too heavy or too angsty for me, since the main character dealing with some issues, but it was unexpectedly (at least for me) cute and fluffy. Which doesn't mean the MC's anxiety and gender questioning didn't get the attention they deserved. This book just felt really well balanced, since the friendships and the romance made everything feel so comforting. I think I'll enjoy this book even more on a reread, so I definitely want to grab a physical copy and maybe tab it.

[Star ✨ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Really wish I could give this book more stars. I had it pre-ordered and was really excited for it but it turned out to be a disappointment, if not even a chore.

I wanna start by saying I am a ftm trans man myself and before that, I went through the same gender identity crisis as the MC, trying out various labels (non-binary in my and their case) for me, so I thought this book would be perfect for me - however, I was proven wrong. Let's get into it.

✨THE SETTING✨

The book starts out with a custom-made map showing the Mediterranean Sea and its surrounding countries as well as the main location of the book: Meratia. A fictional island with one city marked, I'm assuming the capital, called Corvol. Why do I say assuming? Because it doesn't fucking matter.

I don't know why the choice was made to let this play in a fictional country in EUROPE (I am from Europe, as is the author) when this is literally never mentioned apart from in the author's note telling us the age to drink legally is 18 - as like, in the majority of Europe, pick your poison, why make up fantasy land? We are also told that some of the "sports seasons" described in the book coincide with reality but that also doesn't matter because most of the time you have no clue what time it is anyway, and I'm talking not only months but literal seasons here.

The "White Raven" University is the main setting, where our MC, their friends and the LI go for their studies (?) and training. The name already makes me cringe. It reminds me of American-focused YA novels. Who names their university like that when it doesn't have witches and warlocks, come on. The currency might be Euro as stated in the author note but it doesn't matter. What DOES matter is that the characters still use American measurements to describe their height - it confused me, the whole setting felt so americanized, high school-esque YA (no hate toward that but if you make a point of having your story set in Europe, at least put in a little effort). It felt more like this fictional island was little America put on the map. Weird and out of place.

But to be honest, the place doesn't really matter because all we see of the university is the pool, the dorms and the caféteria. It feels like we are walking through a deserted place because neither MC nor their friends really interact with the world. For all I know, the story could have taken place in Italy or Germany or America - or the moon, because the university truly felt as deserted as one.

Reading it was me picturing the characters walking through a cardboard cut-out of a "set". I am all for slice-of-life, cozy, comfy character-driven stories but if there is no "life" in that slice, what am I even doing here but reading a hollow script of a story?

✨THE SIDE CHARACTERS ✨

Okay, so we already know there's not much going on in White Raven University even though whenever the characters have their sports competitions the stadiums are full. The book focuses on our four main crew characters with great rep (I come to that later on) but I wanna point out two of the minor side characters because their fate really bothered me.

Ryder, the cishet white bully
Awesome. Love it. He only exists to ask the MC out for a date, which they think about until they overhear Ryder talking shit about them on the phone to his mate. He claims he only asked them for a date because he thinks MC is easy and he can fuck them. He sounds like a disgusting pig and has no other function as for us to be disgusted by him. Mission accomplished. But that was easy. And set-up and cliché. MC tells him off and also gets saved by their friend. Ryder's job for the narrative is done - or is it?!

Olivia, thin rich white girl
(No joke, this is how she is described upon her entry, I forgot her name tbh and had to look it up). Another thing that felt really high school-tropey american, of course the mean girl is rich and of course she is mean. I don't understand WHY she is mean, she is the only person mentioned by name on the swimming team apart from MC and their bestie. And she is there for two scenes, being a bitch, commenting that they have to work harder and shouldn't slack off. MC goes off on her very harshly and that's done.

But the next time Olivia is mentioned, she is being with Ryder, who makes out with her, so MC sees this. Instead of being grossed out, MC feels a kind of satisfaction, which shocked me a bit. I mean, this book is ALL about consent and safety in relationships and goes above and beyond to show that but ONLY for the main group of course. We don't care if "mean girl" Olivia gets taken advantage of or used by a slimy, stalker-y boy (because he DID stalk the MC in front of their pool before and wasn't keen on taking "No" for answer). No, MC thinks next time Olivia tries to brag, they will tell her - maybe. Maybe they will also not warn their literal TEAMMATE about that creep.

I dunno if you ever played a competitive sport together or even just trained together in a single-kinda sport, you build camaraderie and you care for these people. Maybe not enough to be friends but surely to stop them from being harassed or SA'ed. I lost a bit of respect for MC in this scene.

✨ URIAH ✨
Uriah is the LI's best friend and I wanted to mention him because he is my favorite, an aromantic asexual character done right. I adore him. I loved that he got so much screen time and we got to see him figuring out himself.

✨ TATE - THE LOVE INTEREST ✨
Tate is my second favorite of the book. Tate is ftm trans, just like me. So I thought I'd resonate with him the most, however it becomes pretty clear pretty quickly that apart from being trans, he has no character traits. He is sweet and patient (so damn patient) with the MC and recites everything like a picture-perfect boyfriend MC needs to hear. No matter when, he is always available to bend over backwards to MC's moods and has no other hobbies or interests apart from volleyball and MC. And volleyball definitely must come second or third because I sometimes (like MC!) forgot he was playing it. Ah right, we are at a sports university. I forgot. Because the author seems to forget too and just write weird journal-y chapters with repetitive sentences but ah, that's another point I'll get to.

So Tate's mission is to accommodate the MC's insecurity throughout the entirety of the book. He always smiles and laughs unless he does not and that's when he is insulted by transphobic comments (off-screen, luckily), which still reduces his character to be trans and nothing else. Does he have a mind of his own? Wishes? Hobbies? I don't know. They bond over being trans/gender identity crisis and that's it.

The whole romance comes out of the blue for me. The weird time skips in the book that rarely describe how much time has passed between the chapters make the characters grow from strangers to friends, however they don't really /do/ much, there's no bonding scenes per se, they just eat lunch together. So when Tate confesses his feelings, me and MC are like "Uhm, why do you like me?"

Because yes, Tate, why do you like them?? Have you done stuff together?? Is there something cute they do that enticed you?? Do you have common interests?? Because you have non apart from volleyball and your partner couldn't even bother to learn how volleyball works and has no interests apart from swimming either. A very weird foundation for a relationship. It felt forced.

It feld like Tate just was needed so the author could stop writing inner monologues of the MC and tell them to Tate instead, so he could deal with their gender crisis.

✨ ALEX, THE ANXIOUS MC ✨
Everyone who has anxiety can identify with Alex, honestly. It is described well how anxiety impacts your brain and your self-perception. However, everyone who has anxiety also know it is exhausting, it drains you and leaves you tired and numb. Well, now imagine you have to read 250~ pages of anxious thoughts without a break. Sounds exhausting, right? Yes, it is.

Alex needs therapy. Like, why do their friends keep giving weird advice that magically fixes everything instead of saying "you need to go to a professional" because what the fuck. If you have anxiety so bad you go non-verbal and can't identify your triggers, this is above Tate's paygrade. Stop using him as your emotional trash bin.

Alex acknowledges they do exactly that at the end of the book but it is too little, too late. They are a very selfish, aggressive MC that, admittedly, deals with a lot but their friends are literal saints, who are written to cushion their every mood and pamper them. Their world revolves around Alex - but I guess that makes sense because the "world" in this book is so bleak there's literally nothing else to do. I wish someone would set them straight at least ONE TIME instead of forgiving their abusive behaviour over and over again. Friends do that, you know? They aren't here to listen to your bullshit without consequences, they are allowed to tell you, if you fucked up. Which Alex does. A lot.

✨THE WRITING✨
The writing is easy to read and nothing special, however it becomes tedious if we get trapped in Alex' 9th inner anxious monologue within the first 70 pages of the book. It is very repetitive. Considering the scenery and world in general are rarely described, you would think the detail of the writing would be on the characters but it's not. There's no depth to the scenes, it feels like a detached journal entry written by Alex half-asleep. The repetitiveness was the one that really, really bothered me. Here some examples:

"On the day of the match, we texted Uriah ‘happy birthday’ in the group chat as soon as we woke up and as we got changed to go to their match, Tate replied with a selfie of him doing a peace sign with Uriah still sleeping in his bed behind him, a purple hair bonnet on his head."

And then, two sentence after:

“If they are late to their own match, I’ll make sure they never forget it,” Xiuying replied, chuckling to herself. [...] In fact, it was already late for them, considering they still had to meet with their team and then set off for the stadium. We understood they'd stopped playing around and started getting ready because they didn’t reply to any of the other messages we sent them."

WHAT IS THIS!! I wanted to tear out my hair reading this. We know there is a match, we know they are running late, why does it have to be repeated over and over?! The whole book is like this. It reads like the author thinks we are idiots or had some pages to fill. It's frustrating.

Tate and Uriah had us go round the table before sitting down, introducing everyone with their names and positions on the team, fully convinced we would be able to remember everything, or understand what those roles meant.  To my dismay, they wouldn’t let us sit at the end of the table, away from everyone else, choosing to put us between them instead. On my left there was Xiuying, on her left was Uriah and then a couple more players I couldn’t remember the names of. On my right was Tate, and after him a blonde guy whose name was Jaime, who I remembered being introduced to as the libero.

Another scene that had me groaning. First of all, I don't care where you sit because everyone else apart from Tate, Uriah and Xiuying are lifeless puppets, why are you giving me their names AND position if you say in the same sentence you don't know about their positions and don't care? (Also, how can you NOT care about the sport your friends/crush play when being a professional athlete yourself, show some basic respect for your friends, please.).

✨THE GENDER-JOURNEY AND REP✨
The rep in this book is great. The gender-journey is the only thing feeling natural in this book, however, the conversation about it, is not. Because Alex, who barely gets a word out for a greeting and overthinks everything, suddenly becomes as fluent as a gender therapist if their friends ask them for advice. It feels so ooc that it gave me whiplash. Uriah comes out as aro-ace and Alex whips out that speech about acceptance, understanding yadayada like it is nothing, which also sound very clinical as if read from a brochure. (I am ace myself, so this bothered me a lot).

We barely get any rep and Uriah was GREAT rep. However, their talk about it was weird from Alex' perspective because they apparently only said right things and there was an immediate understanding. Same with Tate, by the way. When Tate is upset about transphobic comments, Alex, who hasn't been able to say a simple "Sorry" to him the day before, suddenly can monologue about how Tate doesn't deserve this and shouldn't worry about it because he deserves so much better etc.

I feel like, different POVs would have been great for this book because with the chosen one, the author relied on Alex to do these difficult conversations right which were ooc and weird and took the soul out of them. I would have preferred that scene of cheering up Tate with Uriah, for example. It would have felt way more organic.

You don’t have to not feel at ease in your own body to start thinking your assigned gender doesn’t feel like you. After all, it’s not your body parts, or how you look, that make you who you are.”

Then there's sentences like these, that make me smile and fond. This book has a wonderful message but the execution was poorly. I loved these little moments, and they are the reason why this has two instead of one star for me.

***

We need more trans/non-binary voices books. And I'm sure for most of the trans or questioning people reading this, it's gonna be great. I wanted to love this book with all my heart but maybe I went in with too high expectations.

But I know what isn't for me might be the tool for someone else to go on their own gender-journey. And that makes me happy. ✨

[akacya ❦ · Rating 5 out of 5]

2023 reads: 103/350

alex is on the swimming team at her university. she normally keeps to herself, which is what she really wants to do after blowing up at tate, a member of the volleyball team, for a scheduling mishap. that wasn’t alex’s last interaction with him, though, and they soon become friends.

i want to preface this by saying i mean it in a nice way, but this read like fanfic to me. i can’t put my finger on exactly what reminded me of fanfic, but i honestly really enjoyed that aspect.

i also loved alex as a main character. alex is questioning their gender identity throughout the novel, a bit to their dismay since they already went through figuring out their sexuality. i love how alex’s anxiety was shown and how this impacted her relationships with the other characters. additionally, this was alex’s first relationship despite being twenty, and i can definitely relate to that aspect lol.

[Dr. Andy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to the author for sending me an eARC in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

This is a lovely contemporary character study about a school of athletes. Very much appreciate how much of the identities present are labeled on page.

Rep: white pansexual nonbinary-questioning MC with anxiety & is neurodivergent, Chinese lesbian cis female side character, white demisexual trans male side character, Black aroace cis male side character, white bisexual cis female side character.

CWs (from author): body dysphoria, gender dysphoria, self-blame, repetitive self-hatred and negative thoughts, self-harm (not cutting), anxiety, anxiety/panic attacks, neurodivergent burnout, going non-verbal, anger issues, mentions of homophobia and transphobia, misgendering, brief sexual harassment, mention of diets, eating outside of meal times, parental neglect, alcohol consumption (although all the characters can legally drink), cussing.

Additional: weight tracking mention, internalized fatphobia.

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

The writing was really bad. Like, actually atrocious. Oddly formal and so incredibly cliche.

The characters had no personality. Everyone existed for Alex (the main character), who was annoying and hypocritical and acted out of character many, many times.

The representation was superficial. There were some really messed up sentences about an aromantic character. (See: saying aromantics don’t have “any actual commitment or feelings.”)

There were so many inconsistencies. Overly repetitive writing and what in my opinion was a really ineffective way of sympathizing with people who have anxiety.

At least it was a quick read?

I wanted to like this. I really did.

[Ray]

I'm dnfing this book at 15% ish. like 50 pages in. i can't stand the main character's perspective, and i read reviews hoping it would get better, but it doesn't seem like it will, and in fact seems like it'll get worse so jumping ship now. To be honest, i was contemplating dnfing since the start, and im just not itching to pick this book off my nightstand. i was already thrown off by the fact that the author decided to make up a fictional ISLAND country for their contemporary novel setting and that was lowkey gonna be enough to dnf this book for me because it just seemed stupid and poor world building from the start.

[vale garcia · Rating 4 out of 5]

arc sent by the author in exchange for an honest review!

3.75 stars ⭐️

okay, this book is definitely character focused which might not be everyone’s cup of tea, and i must admit it took me a while to finish this bc of that very reason. there is definitely not a real set out “plot” going on, since it’s completely centered on the main character and their feelings and experiences.

that being said, the representation in this book made me so incredibly happy. the neurodivergent rep was so beautiful to see and also so relatable. the queer rep from every character was flawless and again so heartwarming to read! alex was a very complex and well done main character, and definitely their thoughts were relatable so so many times. alex’s exploration of their own gender was so thought out and so well and respectfully explained!

the romance however has to be my favorite! tate is the sweetest most perfect man, and i love him with my entire heart 🥹

most importantly, seeing TWO CHARACTERS ON THE ACE SPECTRUM GAVE ME SM JOY! the rep was perfectly done imo and it is so important and relatable, all their convos about it were basically things i’ve thought for myself as well, and i loved it!

all in all if you want a book with incredible queer and neurodivergent rep that doesn’t shy away from the hard topics and conversations, but that is also sweet and romantic and with found family, definitely read this!

[kay! · Rating 4 out of 5]

rep: nonbinary panromantic (questioning asexual) mc
romance: nb/m (demisexual trans love interest)

THIS BOOK

My favorite book of the year, so far. By far.

Goodness, there's no way I'll be able to put all my feelings into coherent words. Alex is everything. Alex and Tate are everything. Alex, Tate, Xiuying, and Uriah are everything. This is how you do found family. A GENIUNE found family, nothing forced.

I'm going to start listing off things now because I can't contain myself.

Alex's body dysmorphia made me feel more seen than any book or media form has ever. Seeing your thoughts on the page is an experience. Alex as a whole person made me feel seen.

TRANS JOY IN SPORTS,,, Alex and Xiuying are swimmers while Tate and Uriah are volleyball players. Healthy relationships with sports <3

I really apologize for not being able to write a fancy review but just trust me, this book is worth every last star in the universe.

[Pamplemousse · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of the key strengths of this book is clearly the diversity. There are only a small handful of characters, but of different races, orientations and gender identities. The MC is non-binary and pansexual while the love interest is trans masc and demisexual. Unlike the "show but don't tell" books, this one states clearly each orientation and gender identity —which is always greatly appreciated in contemporary fiction.

On top of that, the writing style of the author is rather simple and, thus, easy to read. Even if English is not your native language, you will have no difficulty understanding it and it might also be well suited for a younger audience.
The written parts that felt the truest and most impactful were the confessions of each character's feelings. It came out, to me, as pretty well executed and expressed while directly appealing to the emotions of the reader.

The most interesting addition to this story, that completely differed from other works I've read, is the presence of the concept of consent in a non-sexual context. Not everyone thinks of this, but it is definitely something important in some specific situations and depending on the person you are interacting with. It is always good to remind people of that.
Through the main character, which many could relate to, we learn what healthy relationships are, both romantic and platonic and the importance of communication.
This is the second reason why I would recommend this book to young teenagers.
The values and messages conveyed in TITW are some that should be transmitted and understood by people growing up.

However, the progression of time in this book felt sudden and not gradual enough. Weeks pass by —and then months— between the moment the characters meet and become well acquainted with each other, but we do not clearly see on paper this continuous progression of their relationships. It's as if we went from point A to C without passing by B.
The moment this problem particularly struck me is when the love interest confessed to the MC and they both became a couple. We have no idea of how their relationship progressed from mere acquaintance to friends —leading to lovers— and I definitely had a hard time understanding how the MC got comfortable enough with the love interest to get to that point. While the love interest seemed to have taken interest in Alex from the very beginning, they were not close and before they got together, the story did not show us any real development on that side, leading to the relationship feeling a bit abrupt.

And this is only a sole example amongst many. We barely see Skylar and the progression of the relation between Xiuying and her, the development of the friendship between Uriah and Alex felt also quite blurry and I almost wondered if I missed a few chapters at the end.

When it comes to the writing, I also have to admit that the internal dialogues of the MC —understand: the sentence in italic— appeared most of the time cliché, just as a few moments in the first half of the book. The perfect example I can give, that I was quite taken aback by, is the reaction of the love interest to the MC having a date with someone else, when nothing was happening between the two of them yet. It came out as petty jealousy, he did not know anything about the guy and his direct reaction was to be mad and unsupportive. The other guy ended up being a player, like it happens more than half of the time in those scenarios and I couldn't help but feel extremely frustrated by the way this particular event was unfolding.

Furthermore, the way the MC's feelings were narrated felt a bit repetitive at times. The contrast between how the MC perceives themselves (negatively) versus the rest of their friends (positively) is highlighted many times throughout the story in the exact same way. While this is definitely how anxiety works, when it comes to expressing it through words, I think it could have been made more impactful by using different ways of portraying it.

[In my opinion, the book could have been made richer and more interesting by having multiple POVs, which would have given more rhythm to the story.]

[Littlebookterror · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm sad to say that my initial hype for this book does not live up to its reality.

Most of my problems can be boiled down to the writing, the rest is alright, even good in parts, but the writing dragged it down for me. First up, it's overly descriptive in moments that don't need it which keeps the reader at a distance. It focuses on unnecessary details and overexplains Alex's thought process instead of letting you experience it through the character and their actions. We get paragraphs upon paragraphs about them walking to places, deciding on which movie to watch and Alex waiting (maybe for the missing plot?). The dialogue feels equally rough; conversations start out of nowhere and feel performative instead of coming naturally. I swear over half of the conversations are just characters reassuring each other and saying your emotions are valid. (I know Alex has (social) anxiety which can make these situations awkward and uncomfortable but there are ways to write this without feeling so forced.)
I feel like over half of the book is filled with filler scenes. Why did this take over 40% to actually get anywhere. Why was the romance duller than the friendships on display. Why am I struggling to say a single positive thing about our main character.
I can also tell you nothing about the cast aside from their gender, sexuality and what sport they participate in.

(Also no idea why but my brain is stuck on the fact that we invented a whole new country?? for what exactly??? And that epilogue feels super unrealistic.)

I received an advanced reading copy from the author in exchange for an honest review.

[Ffion Kent · Rating 5 out of 5]

This. Book. Is. Everything.

Queer joy? Check. Found family? Check. The vibes of a queer sport anime? Check.

Thank you so much to the author for sending me a free eARC via BookSirens.

I am truly starting 2023 off on a high because this book makes it into my all time favourites. Is it because I felt like the main character was just like me for real? Yes, but that paired with everything else makes it feel as though it was written for me, which obviously it wasn’t but it had so many of my favourite tropes and elements paired with wonderful representation which matches my own experience that it truly felt for me. I have never related to a character more than I do with Alex, and getting to have a main character currently experiencing a gender crisis and learning about their identity was so refreshing; especially when the character is flawed and a bit of a mess, but that made them feel so real and so relatable. Alex’s thoughts really did feel like mine were plucked straight from my own brain.

Additionally, the love interest and side characters were so amazing! We have lesbian, bisexual, trans masc , aro-ace and demisexual rep. The theme of not understanding your identity yet and that being okay was so lovely and again, refreshing! The way that anxiety, neurodivergent burnout and selective mutism were all represented was also so beautifully done. This, paired with the MC trying to get through their gender crisis, made me cry on multiple occasions and I had to put the book down for a few moments because it was just so real and felt so reflective of my own experiences, but not so much in a triggering way but a validating way.

All the identities of the characters are explicitly said on page and each of them are so special to me and will stick with me forever. I will definitely turn back to this book in times of comfort and I need the author to write spin off stories about this little group of friends and what they get up to. I’m talking holiday stories, birthday stories for each character, the characters in relationships meeting their partner’s family members, more stories of them watching each other’s sports competitions, games nights and group trips together! I could read about these characters doing everything and nothing together, I just absolutely adore them.

I’m so excited to get a physical copy of this book when it is released this month. Two words to sum up this book would be hope and validation. Every queer person and especially any genderqueer folks, would gain something out of reading this story whether it’s validation, seeing yourself represented or just to read about the joy these characters get to experience and have the hope that things can get better and easier with time.

Trigger warnings: discussions of gender identity and sexual orientation, body dysphoria, gender dysphoria, self-blame, repetitive self-hatred and negative thoughts, self-harm (not cutting), anxiety, anxiety/panic attacks, neurodivergent burnout, going non-verbal, anger issues, mentions of homophobia and transphobia, misgendering, brief sexual harassment, mention of diets, eating outside of meal times, alcohol consumption (legal), cussing, abandonment, fear of abandonment, potential parental neglect

Note: these trigger warnings I have taken directly from the authors note at the beginning of the book and just added a few that I think potentially were missed out and may be triggering for some readers.

[Annie · Rating 5 out of 5]

NEW FAVOURITE ALERT

THESE CHARACTERS HAVE ALL FOUND A WAY INTO MY HEART AND THE FOUND FAMILY BETWEEN THE 5 OF THEM I CAN'T AND WILL NOT EVER GET OVER I SWEAR TO FUCKING CHUCK THIS IS THE BEST THING I READ THIS YEAR

Alex's gender journey and being Neurodivergent was a hell of a callout to me Woah was not expecting that 😅 the way I was just like yeah same to everything is maybe slightly worrying 😳 but honestly I love Alex and want the absolute best for them

Now Tate, damn he was like I am a contender for being the best book boyfriend and wants to win the challenge. Because this boy was so patient, loving, and sweet. But the way he is an extrovert I was like I know people like this. I feel this on a whole level of being an introvert with an extrovert. He was just the best and I love him very much and he also deserves the best

Xiuying was just a fucking stunning best friend and i love her very much the way she was so supportive of Alex and being the way they are (Neurodivergent) had me feeling all the feels. Get yourself a best friend like Xiuying !!!!

Uriah though being my favourite of the lot of them. But from the very time, we meet Uriah and he just being introverted and quiet and I was like same I get you. Then the way he cares about Tate, about Xiuying and Alex was like yes I am also fiercely protective of my friends you go papa bear. But when he was talking with Alex about being Aromantic I was bawling. I felt so seen. The way he described it I was just you and I are just very alike we can be besties please and thank you.

So yeah I was not expecting to write an essay but here we are. I just adored this book with all my heart and soul. The way I will definitely be rereading this sooner rather than later is something as well

Please give this book a chance y'all

[Kaye N. · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a nonbinary person who swam competitively in high school, I was so excited to pick up Tears in the Water! Seeing rep always makes me so happy, and Tears in the Water was no exception.

I liked the relationships in this book, even outside of the main relationship between Alex and Tate. The secondary couple was very sweet as well, and I liked the friendships portrayed in here. It also has a lot of discussion about gender and sexuality, and I like seeing that blatantly discussed in books.

Overall it was a 4 star read for me. I think I went into it expecting more sports action, but the relationships of the characters took the front and center. It's a nice, cozy, feel-good book, and I'd recommend it to anyone who likes a more character driven story! Thank you for the ARC!

[HJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Arc provided by the author in exchange for an honest review!
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I have not read a book this quickly before in quite a while…. it was everything I hoped and more. A book I’ve needed for such a long time - representing all my identities and emotions and feelings and everything. Yes I did tear up on multiple occasions because it hit so close to home but in the best way!!! It’s so lovely to see all these identities that so often get neglected even in other queer books get the representation they deserve!!!

This book just felt like a big, warm hug🥺

Also where can I get a Tate? Asking for a friend…

[Mewa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Powieść kończy się w sensownym miejscy fabularnym, ale niekoniecznie zadowalającym pod względem rozwinięcia bohaterów. Dopisek każe sądzić, że może powstać kontynuacja, ale to nie dla mnie, choć lektura była przyjemna.

[atlas ♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Tears in The Water” has so many great elements so I already knew I would enjoy it and I definitely did! This was a really sweet, and at times angsty, coming of age romance that was a delight all around. Despite me feeling as though it could have benefited from a bit of a longer page count, I really liked it.

Everything about this was really balanced. Many sweet moments are shared as well as some that made me tear up. This is very character focused which is something I always enjoy. The plot was mostly just vibes which felt cozy. The representation was great all around and I resonated to it a lot since I’m pansexual and nonbinary. Alex was a great main character to read about and I related with them so much. This was just a great read full of queer and neurodiverse characters.

Overall, I would definitely recommend if you’re looking for a quick, character driven, read with a diverse cast! Thank you so much to the author for an eARC in exchange for my honest review.

[splendour hyaline · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Maybe Tate had been right. Maybe good times did come after all."

disclaimer: i was sent an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

wow. i don't have any words to properly describe how i feel about TEARS IN THE WATER; maybe the fact that i consumed it in a single sitting should be enough of a testament to the way it moved me. alex's anxiety + gender journeys were frank, and at times hard to read - but only because i understood, in so many ways that it almost hurt. i adored this book. i am thankful that it exists.

one of TEARS IN THE WATER's strengths is its incredibly rich cast, but tate in particular is an absolute darling (i have a feeling that the pool scene is going to live in my head rent-free from here on out), and i loved seeing uriah slowly unfold on the page before me. i think that the ryder + olivia arc felt a little out of place, but i do somewhat understand where the interactions fit within the larger scheme of the novel.

this book hits like a breath of fresh air, particularly in its straightforward labelling/representation, and its tender depiction of first love, beautifully enabled by the intimacy of alex's first-person perspective. please preorder this if you have the chance!

[ash (smokedshelves) · Rating 3 out of 5]

thank you to the author for sending an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

this book was a tough read. and not because it’s bad or something. it's not. it’s because i could relate so scarily to the main character alex, a gender-questioning competitive swimmer. if you know me, you might know that i too used to be a competitive swimmer for many years. but also, that i had a confusing, scary, and difficult gender-crisis during university that led me to recognize that i’m in fact non-binary and not a woman. so, to see alex go through so much of what i went through. the deep-ridden thoughts of self-hatred. the mild acts of self harm. the body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria, that is all so confusing. you could say that it hit close to home.

and that’s why i’d say this was a tough read for me. this book does not shy away from these topics or internal thoughts at all. you’re inside alex’s mind the whole time, filled with their general anxiety interacting with the world and more. and it’s a difficult place to be, especially when you’ve recently undergone those same experiences. but, oh boy, is does it feel authentic. so, if you’re still questioning or recently have had similar experiences, i think this could help you feel solace with another’s experience. but, please also tread carefully, as it is some heavy matter.

but, moving on from that, let’s talk more generally about the book. this book obviously does just follows alex and their life as a competitive swimmer. as a former competitive swimmer myself, while i know it’d probably bore most other people, i wish we were able to see more of that side of their lives in detail. i want to know the events they’re swimming, i want to know their training more. but… well that’s just my swim-nerd heart. and while, it’s not the most accurate portrayal of competitions, i still had fun with it. we don’t get much representation in books.

so yeah, while we’re following a swimmer, this story is definitely more about the lives of alex and their friends outside their respective sports. we’re following them all figure out their potential sexualities, relationships, and how just to function as a human. this book does an incredible job at having the discussions about sexualities, and honestly where you can go to learn more and hear from experiences and i appreciate that so much. while it did feel a bit repetitive by the end, i do like that each character did have the chance to be able to have a full conversation and time to determine their own labels. and to see such varying labels and identities be represented, just makes my heart full. like,,, a trans(masc) aspec love interest with a heart of gold!! what more do you want then that. well, this has more.

i think overall, this book will stay with me for a while. as a story that, like i’ve already mentioned, feels so similar to my own in many ways, i know it’ll find it’s place with many others as well.

[Marybeth (Marybee.books) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you so much Margherita Scialla for sending me an E-ARC of Tears In The Water to review! 💕
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I absolutely loved this one! It's just a day-in-the-life type contemporary book of a college student and I loved how genuine and real it felt. I really connected with all the characters and the found family they created. I also like the anxiety representation in this book as it felt very true to how I experience anxiety in real life. I also loved how all the characters were all good people and had meaningful conversations with each other! There is also ace representation! The cast is also diverse and I love to see it! I also got to help reveal the cover, which was so fun! This one will be a forever favorite and I can't wait to get my hands on a physical so I can annotate it! I just can't put into words how much I LOVED this one! So if the synopsis intrigues you, please check it out!
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Be sure to check out Tears In The Water, by Margherita Scialla when it releases on January 17th! More info can be found on their Instagram! 🫶

[Natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ever seen a swimmer and a volleyball player together? Well, a water animal and a land animal interacting is less common, isn't it? But not here because our swimmer had a heated argument with our volleyball player at their sports university where they are students. The best part is how this is depicted from the perspective of a neurodivergent person, how an incident keeps playing in their heads and how difficult it is to get it out, if ever. So relatable, I read it twice. I loved the neurodivergent representation. I have anxiety, among other things, and I could relate to those scenes a lot. Very well written.

I wanted to write so much about this book but at the end, I just can't put my feelings into words. Guess you'll have to read it to understand. I loved every part of it. Characters having meltdowns, characters questioning their identities, characters feeling like a burden, characters self-harming, parental neglect... There was so much happening. So relatable because this was real life. Incidents are never isolated, there's always an overlapping and that overlapping is so well depicted in this story.

I haven't read many sports romances so this was a welcome change. This book was character focused and driven. I loved the character development and their interactions with each other. They might be questioning themselves but they do try to understand each other. There is a rich cast of LGBTQIA+ characters. And the found family? Yes! A hundred times yes. I might have cried an ocean.

Definitely, definitely recommended.

[Aquari · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5 ⭐️

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, I don’t know where to start. This book was incredible. The way Margherita explored neurodivergency gender was so raw and real. As someone who also has anxiety and is constantly questioning my gender I saw myself in Alex. She was so amazingly fleshed out and real. And when Alex found out sexual attraction is not just thinking somebody is hot I laughed because that’s exactly what I used to think sexual attraction was. I think the thing I have to applaud the author with the most was how they afraid to dive into how messy it is to have anxiety. They got into the nitty gritty, the overthinking, the feeling of lack of control. Ugh, it was just amazing.

I love Tate with my whole being, somebody find me someone like him. He was was so kind, funny, and patient. They both communicated with each other when things got hard and I loved it. Also, no 3rd act breakup. 🥳

My favorite character in this book however was Uriah. Margherita captured the aroace experience. I teared up during the scene with Alex and Uriah because I felt so seen.

This book comes out January 17th and I highly recommend you check it out.

[Maryam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given special permission to rate this book early,, SO LONG SUCKERS MWHAHAHAHA

[Ivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an eARC of this book for a honest review.


General ramble:
I was quite excited for this book and oh wow it delivered. It was fun to read with the right amount of drama but nothing over the top making it feel quite cozy. It felt like a hug to my soul, reassuring me all will be fine. And to be honest I needed that reassurance quite bad.

Relationships between characters:
So this book follows Alex who is studying at a sports university where she swims. The book starts off with her meeting a new person from the volleyball team and the whole encounter is quite awkward. But oh so relatable. I felt so seen by her struggles written right there on paper it made me almost hug my ereader already. The awkwardness with him stays in the book for a while, because such a thing isn't easily resolved for someone neurodivergent. It was nice to see how he gave her space when needed, but also pushed when she got too stuck in their own head. I felt it was a really nice portrayal of someone supportive of the MC.
Her friend Xiuying was great to have as a friend character to Alex. Together they formed a pair that could depend on each other and looked out for one another. I really liked their dynamic and the way it was given form in this book.

Neurodiversity and what it did to me:
There are more moments in the book where her neurodiversity is shown, which I won't go into too details for because of spoilers, but know they were very relatable too. The moment however she goes nonverbal for a bit made me reconsider parts of my life. I personally never had a fully nonverbal moment, but the way the book explains very clearly how it feels made me realize I actually had been close to such moments. I deeply felt what she was going through, and it made me think that even if I might not fully go nonverbal, I maybe should choose to not speak either. Because in those moments it does cause me a lot of distress like mentioned in the book, and that's not worth it to mask.

Gender:
I am currently in a sort of second gender identity crisis and seeing Alex go through her own struggles with this made me feel safe and accepted to explore mine. And I feel that is worth so much, to find that safe space in a book for a bit, just to be you.
Alex had moments full of panic and moments of pushing those away. At the start of the book her brother calls her a woman and this happens:
I felt my blood boil, anger adding to the anxiety. "I'm not a-" I halted suddenly, surprised by my own self. Oh.... I guess I am a woman.
I felt this was done really well to show that sometimes unconsciously people are further in cracking their egg (trans slang for realizing you're trans) than they are aware off. That sometimes you keep denying thinking about it or just pushing it away, but that it simply doesn't work like that. And then it will come out in unexpected moments, moments like this, that surprise yourself too.
Towards the end of the book a friend of her sees this happening and says this to her:

"I think part of you might be scared to acknowledge who you are, because you don't fully understand what you feel yet, or what it really means.
I loved how her Xiuying, Tate and Uriah helped and supported her throughout her journey but she helped them too. This moment above of Xiuying pointing out what is happening to her felt like a good representation of that. But there are many other moments too where Tate is always there to listen to all Alex's gender thoughts, which are so so valuable to someone trying to figure out their gender and I loved it how safely and warm this was put on paper. The support went both ways too, when Tate was dealing with struggles around his gender and the transphobia that brings to you. I really liked that mutual support.

I liked it a lot too that there was this other trans character that acted as someone giving Alex some guidance. I don't see it often in books that another trans person is there to support the gender questioning of another. I had and currently have those kind of people in my life and they mean a lot. I've been them for others too at this point. And I think it is something really valuable that happens within the community and I love how such a thing was celebrated and written in the book.

There are obviously some sideplots to this book as well and they helped the main storyline progress really well. Alex wasn't the only one trying to figure out themselves, or start a relationship. And to see the other members of her friend circle struggle with the same kind of things made it all fit in nicely together.

I saved so many quotes while reading this book because I deeply connected to a lot of them. Or I wanted to save beautiful joyful moments that made me feel good alongside the characters. I read this book in the span of a few days because I couldn't stop thinking about it. And kept wanting to go back to that good feeling it gave me while reading. It was amazing.

I am so so glad I read this book, and I'll keep rambling about it to others because it was great.

And in the end let's be honest:
"Of only one thing I was certain. Gender was fucking confusing."

[kory. · Rating 5 out of 5]

might i be bold and say this is my favorite depiction of queerness, identity questioning, and queer found family?

content/trigger warnings; body dysphoria, gender dysphoria, self-blame, repetitive self-hatred and negative thoughts, self-harm (not cutting), anxiety, anxiety/panic attacks, neurodivergent burnout, going non-verbal, anger issues, homophobia and transphobia mentioned, misgendering, brief sexual harassment, dieting mentioned, child neglect, parentification of child, abandonment issues, alcohol consumption, ableism, amatonormativity, coming out, kissing, sex discussed,

rep; alex (mc) is pansexual, gender-questioning (leaning towards nonbinary), and has social anxiety. tate (li) is transgender and demisexual. xiuying (sc) is chinese and a lesbian. uriah (sc) is black and aroace. sky (sc) is bisexual.

fuck me this is so good. so good. there’s definitely no plot here, it’s all emotions. so many emotions. all of the emotions. you will cry. well, i don’t know if you’ll cry, but i did. the book got to me. when a character struggles this much with feeling worthless, useless, a burden, and just fucking hates themself, it’s heart wrenching. it’s the kind of angst i want in books; character based, not relationship based. and speaking of relationships, there isn’t any big conflict fueled by misunderstanding or a lack of communication. we love to see characters in a relationship actually talk to each other and work through things as a team.

i gotta talk about the queerness. i’ve read a lot of queer books so for me to rank this as my favorite depiction of queerness is quite the feat. i really fucking appreciate not only all the different flavors of queerness and where in their journeys the characters are, but the conversations they have with each other about queerness. books where the characters don’t really talk about their queerness are well and good, they have their place, and sometimes they’re what i want. but fuck if i don’t love queer characters being queer with each other, talking to each other about queerness the way i do with other queer people. it just feels so real and relatable and genuine.

we’ve got alex questioning their gender and tate being trans, and with that comes conversations about what gender even is, gender binaries, gender roles, gendered socialization, forced expectations, etc. we’ve got uriah’s aromantic questioning/realization, and with that comes conversations about what romantic attraction even is and feels like, what it means to be aromantic in a material way such as relationships and love. we’ve got alex briefly questioning if they’re asexual, and with that comes conversations about what sexual attraction is and feels like, confusing romantic and sexual attraction. conversations about how everything is spectrum. conversations about finally discovering, understanding, and accepting one aspect of yourself (such as uriah’s asexuality or alex’s pansexuality), only to then start questioning another aspect (such as uriah’s aromanticism or alex’s gender) and being apprehensive about starting the whole process over again. just so many wonderful, heartfelt, open, and supportive conversations amongst a group of queer friends about identity, questioning, coming out, perception, and presentation. and i can’t get enough of it.

the social anxiety rep was a pleasant surprise. i find anxiety rep is pretty common, but social anxiety rep specifically is a bit rarer. and social anxiety rep in a pansexual main character? whew. i’m living. while i don’t personally relate to the “when i’m anxious i have no control over what i say or do” aspect of the social anxiety rep, there are plenty of things about the rep that i do relate to. such as being hyper aware of each step and breath you take, avoiding eating alone in public, avoiding crowds or groups, inability to speak even when directly asked a question, feeling more relaxed with just a stranger than a stranger and loved one because embarrassing yourself in front of both is worse than just the stranger, preferring being perceived as rude for not engaging with people over engaging and being judged, worrying about not knowing how things work in new environments, relying on other people to answer/speak for you, etc.

other things i love: t4t (nonbinary x trans guy) main romance and wlw (lesbian x bisexual) side romance!! alex’s relatable feelings about their chest and hating that people can even see them and wishing they couldn’t be perceived. the friendships/found family!!!! we love books that center strong friendship groups and highlight the importance of platonic love and connection. trans joy in sports; the love alex and tate have for swimming and volleyball, respectively, is palpable and they’re both fucking succeeding and being badass in their sports.

a few notes: alex says it didn’t make sense for them to be worried about coming out as pansexual to xiuying because she’s a lesbian, but someone also being queer doesn’t guarantee they’re going to support your flavor of queer. uriah tells alex that some aromantic people still want relationships and alex thinks, “the thought of people being together platonically— being domestic and caring for each other without any actual commitment or feelings—made my heart melt with fondness.” and while it’s a sweet sentiment, platonic relationships (including queerplatonic relationships) are not without “actual commitment or feelings” and i’d appreciate queer folks not playing into amatonormativity by perpetuating the idea that commitment and feelings can only be romantic. alex also comments that aromantic folks wanting relationships is like asexuals having sex; “some people don’t feel sexual attraction but will still have sex willingly in order to feel closer to their partners” but not every asexual who has sex is only doing so for that reason (nor is sex the only way to “feel close” to a partner). plenty of asexuals just simply desire and enjoy sex.

as always, some pan quotes: “my brother and xiuying were currently the only ones who knew i was pansexual and i’d never told anyone else, letting them wrongly label me as straight to play it safe.” and “when i finally realized the label that felt most like myself was pansexual, i had no problem at all accepting myself, even though i continued to be scared of others and decided to stay in the closet.”

if you made it to the end of this review, cheers! unless you’re a reviewer who mentions all the rep in a book except the pansexual rep (or calls it bisexual rep) even though it’s the main character and said on page multiple times. in that case, no cheers for you.

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to the author for sending me an ARC in exchange for my full, unbiased review!

Heartwarming and terribly readable, Tears In The Water is a lovely slice-of-life romance novel about Alex, a swimmer questioning their gender, and Tate, a trans volleyball player.

What I liked:

The characters were immediately endearing and I felt pretty invested in all of their stories. The queer representation was really refreshing; I feel like too often I see gender-queer characters who realized they were gender non-conforming really early on in life, but of course there are people who only realize as adults and only with help from others.

The mental health rep was also nice, though distracting at points. I was glad that Alex’s arc didn’t necessarily involved them overcoming their anxiety, but rather finding people that they felt comfortable with.

I’ve come to really like the sports backdrop in fiction, and this was no different, even if I might’ve preferred higher stakes.

The romance was great, especially both of them asking before kissing, setting boundaries, and checking in with one another. Those are really important to me, and reading it is always comforting.

What didn’t work for me:

This is a pretty low-stakes book, note my choice of the descriptive “slice-of-life”. I’m new to this kind of fiction and admittedly it’s not my favorite. It’s a book about exploration and relationships but I might have liked the book to be more goal based, either in terms of Alex’s swimming or their relationship with Tate.

Additionally, the POV was sometimes reliant on info-dumps, which doesn’t bother me so much personally but I know throws a lot of other people off.

In conclusion:

I do recommend this book, but I also recognize that it would best be enjoyed by a certain niche of readers that I am not included in. Regardless, I read this in a single sitting on a flight and liked it more as it went on so it’s really worth trying out even if you’re on the fence. I will keep up with this author’s future projects, and I’m excited to see what they write next :D

Rating: 3.8 stars

[Lorena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS BOOK OMG

I loved every characters, I loved Alex (I'm not always a big fan of the main characters) and I loved reading their journey, and ofc Tate is my new book boyfriend 🥰 I've never seen a more perfect man

I loved author's choice of having such a diverse group of queer friends, it's really relatable

I also want to add that I've picked this book for the a-spec rep and I wasn't disappointed. Uriah's asexuality and aromanticism and Tate's demisexuality are treated really well. Being ace myself I felt seen and I felt good and comfortable in reading how they spoke about asexuality. And Alex thinking that they might be ace too was so funny ( and if there's a chance for Alex and Tate to be a acexace couple I'm living for it)

[Alexis C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone who has ever questions of their identity, I highly recommend this read. The characters felt so raw and the internal monologue of the main character Alex really took you along for the ride.

This is a beautiful, tender and vulnerable story that I really wish I would have had in my 20s, it probably would have helped me so much. But I’m my 30s after a lot of stumbling and coming to terms with my own identity even still, I found this to be such a comforting read—even if the relatability was a bit hard to stomach sometimes.

[verkaa987 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt that 😭❤️
"I tried to force my mouth open, to speak, to say anything even just make a noise, but it was like my body didn't want to follow my orders."
"I kind of accepted it as it was. I think, in a way, I never wanted to question it too much."
"Maybe finally having a label I felt represented me gave me too much comfort to try and question it again."
"My main problem wasn't labeling myself, but what the consequences of using said label would be."
"Of only one thing I was certain. Gender was fuking confusing."
"But society wants me- expects me to know exactly who I am and what I want [...] Apparently the world can't function without permanent labels."