Aparat, który dała mi matka

by Susanna Kaysen

Aparat, który dała mi matka [The Camera My Mother Gave Me, 2001] ? również opowiada o chorobie. W niezwykle szczery, otwarty, a zarazem dowcipny sposób Kaysen opisuje tu swoje zmagania z przeróżnymi lekarzami ? internistami, ginekologami, lekarzami medycyny naturalnej, zielarzami, u których bezskutecznie szukała pomocy, gdy coś zaczęło być nie tak z jej pochwą. Tytuł powieści nawiązuje do sceny z filmu Luisa Bunuela Viridiana, w której grupa wieśniaków, zgromadzonych na wspólnym obiedzie, prosi młodą dziewczynę o zrobienie im zdjęcia, na co ona, podnosząc do góry spódnicę, mówi, że użyje ?aparatu, który dostała od swojej matki?. Książka Susanny Kaysen opowiada o ogromnej roli, jaką seksualność odgrywa w naszym życiu. Autorka pokazuje, co dzieje się, gdy miejsce erotyki zajmuje ból i cierpienie. Opisuje, w jaki sposób choroba wpłynęła na jej relacje z najbliższymi ? z chłopakiem i przyjaciółmi oraz na jej stosunek do samej siebie. Mówi o bezradności swojej i lekarzy, którzy w żaden sposób nie potrafili jej pomóc. Zastanawia się, czy nieustanny ból pochwy, który odczuwała, nie miał podłoża psychosomatycznego. Próbuje zrozumieć, co jej ciało chce jej powiedzieć. ?Moja pochwa wciąż próbuje zwrócić na siebie moją uwagę. Ma mi do powiedzenia coś ważnego. A ja słucham.? Susanna Kaysen (ur. 1948) pisarka amerykańska, autorka Przerwanej lekcji muzyki (Girl, Interrupted 1993, wyd. polskie 1996) oraz Asa, As I Knew Him (1987) i Far Afield (1990). Mieszka w Cambridge, Massachusetts. PATRONI MEDIALNI: Feminoteka, Onet.pl, Zadra.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Feminism, Biography Memoir, Science, Womens, Biography

136 pages

First published January 1, 2001

About the author

Susanna Kaysen is an American author best known for her memoir Girl, Interrupted, based on her experiences at McLean Hospital. Born and raised in Cambridge, Massachusetts, she is the daughter of economist Carl Kaysen. Her other works include Asa, As I Knew Him, Far Afield, The Camera My Mother Gave Me, and Cambridge. Kaysen has also lived in the Faroe Islands and often draws on personal experiences in her writing.

Reviews

[Julie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am trying to remember who suggested I read this book. I want to kick them in their vagina.

I can handle a short book entirely devoted to a woman's vulva. I am completely comfortable with my own and others', and I constantly use words like cunt, pussy, and vulva in a non-derogatory context. I thought I could handle Susanna Kaysen's vag all up in my face for 150 or so pages. WRONG. The only reason I finished it was because it was such a quick, short read and I feel I have more of a right to slam it if I read the whole thing.

I feel sorry for her vaginal plight, but this was such an unnecessary book. No, I shouldn't say that. Maybe a woman in a similar situation as Kaysen would be comforted by the book and even gain some knowledge about treatments.

Her writing style is grating. The book read like an annoying middle-age woman's journal, "Dear Diary, today my vagina hurts. again. I ate Provençal Salmon Niçoise with my REALLY educated whitebread friends and tomorrow I will go to another doctor and shop for antiques after."

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

not about a camera...

[Olivia Burton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone going into this book expecting it to be simply about a camera is either not very bright, or hasn't done their research. This book, indeed, is not about a camera, at least not in a literal sense.

The explanation of the title comes from an interview with Kaysen:

"It's a line from a Buñuel movie, Viridiana. The movie's about a bunch of hobos and peasant who take over a country mansion that belongs to a rich woman who's been trying to help them. There's a scene in which all these drunk, dirty characters are sitting at a banquet table and someone says, "Let's take a picture!" A woman gets up and faces the group, so her back is to us, the audience. Where's the camera, someone calls out, and she says, "I'll take it with the camera my mother gave me," and she pulls up her huge peasant skirts, exposing her bottom to us and her you-know-what to them."

Through the book, the reader gets amusing, honest and occasionally crude descriptions of the problems that Kaysen had with her vagina within a two-year span. The pain starts small, but eventually grows, unimpeded and unexplained. Kaysen sees many specialists, some licensed and professional (her good-natured gynecologist), some within the fringes of medicine (a stern, prim biofeedbackologist), but none of them can offer helpful information.

Kaysen tries a number of treatments, from baking soda and tea baths to a very unsuccessful run-in with prescription medication. Throughout her trials, she has lengthy discussions with her friends and the specialists she's seeing for help. This book is not a typical story, with a concrete beginning, middle and end. There is no clear-cut reason given in the end for the pain, but she does eventually get relief.

I personally enjoyed the open-minded, unashamed nature of the book. I was laugh-out-loud amused many times at the ridiculous procedures and suggestions brought to her by the people inspecting her problem. Her reactions are often priceless, but I think what really makes the book an enjoyable read is the truth behind it. This book is not for the squeamish, however, and should not be read by people who are easily embarrassed.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who has had to deal with this painful issue, as I have.. will appreciate what we go though to get a proper diagnoses and treatment and it is nice to know you are not alone

[anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

cn: short mention of sexual assault

I cannot describe how much this book means to me.
reading the reviews from others, who are complaining about the fact that Susanna is constantly talking about her vulva- they clearly don’t understand what the book is about and they also don’t understand how debilitating this illness is. I really appreciated her honesty, since a lot of people are ashamed to talk about vulvas and are even more ashamed to talk about pain linked to vulvas/intercourse.
this book reminded me of A LOT of unpleasant things I had to go through and which I chose to ignore afterwards. all the doctor appointments, the gaslighting, the pain but mostly the coercion into doing things related to sex, when all I could think about was how much pain I was in. It’s heartbreaking and reassuring at the same time to see that my experience isn’t just mine, but the experience of almost every woman who ever struggled with this illness.
it is important that this book exists.

[CJ · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is entirely about Susanna Kaysen's vagina. Seriously. If you're interested, then this is probably a good book for you. I was personally not a fan. (And no, there were no pictures. At least not in the edition I read, anyway.)

[eRin · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book is about Kaysen's vagina. Seriously, that's it--her vagina. It hurts. And hurts. And hurts some more. No one knows what's wrong. She tries wacky things like sitting in tea and she tries antidepressants (and a million other things). Nothing really works. The whole book is her complaining about her vagina. It was not interesting to me. It reminded me of the worst (in my opinion) monologue in the Vagina Monolgues--the my vagina is me one. I am more than my vagina; Kaysen is apparently not. I feel for the poor trees that were sacrificed for this.

Believe it or not, I didn't actually hate this. It was just okay. Turns out I just don't care that much about Kaysen's vagina.

[Sonia Gomes]

Thank you my dear people from GR.

I never read Reviews before I read a book...

But in this case I did and realised that it was all about Susanna's Vagina...

Not for me. One vagina, mine is just about enough!

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

In somewhat of a mystery/autobiography, a women relates her experiences with her vagina problems and the many byzantine ways it impacts her life. Talks about how illness can effect who we think we are, our relationships, emotions, and our quality of life. Despite the U.S.'s high level of medical technology, the author's experiences show how elusive finding solutions can be.

[Tab · Rating 1 out of 5]

we get it girl you got vagina problems

[Victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Susanna Kaysen is the kind of author that I can't help thinking I would like if I were ever to meet her in person. I admire her honesty, her dry and often ironic sense of humor, and the concise way she makes a few words say more than most authors could manage in a book three times the length.

This memoir is sharp, witty, purposeful, full of personality, and short enough that I didn't get tired of it... despite what other goodreads reviews of it say. I can only imagine that it's been a relief and a support to other women in the same situation.

[Lizzie · Rating 1 out of 5]

All about Susanna Kaysen's vagina. It hurt, she saw a lot of doctors and other experts, nothing helped, her identity was threatened because for her sex is life, her boyfriend kept nagging for sex, they broke up and she missed him, she fell in love with somebody else who didn't love her, she can't get over how her vagina could be mistaken about somebody. That's about it.

As someone with my own cunt issues I was expecting to like this but it was a meaningless bore.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about Susanna Kaysen's vagina. It is where I learned about the "your bladder is healthy if you can pee for at least 7 seconds at a time" guideline that literally changed my life. High five healthy nether regions!

[Scott E · Rating 3 out of 5]

Can someone tell me what "The Camera My Mother Gave Me" means? Is this a part of the secret language that women use (don't deny it...I know you do!)?

Graphic, and rather painful story about Kaysen's Vagina (didn't mean to capitalize it, but by the time you're through with this story, you may too). I've never heard of it before, but I pray this is not a common ailment for women. The one question I took from this is why would her boyfriend be so insistent on getting in there once he knew there was such a problem? What a douche bag!

[Candice Attrill · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried when I read this book. I have the same condition as the author but was diagnosed before my vagina was active,
Susanna dares to say things I could only think and not say.
She goes through the reality of seeking treatmentI found the book to be honest and challenging and wish I could thank her for writing this book.

[Erica Irwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

For anyone who's ever had an undiagnosable problem that baffles medical authorities and only seems to worsen with treatment. I haven't actually experienced that, but if I did I would probably like this book even more.

[Tara Edelman · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are uncomfortable reading an entire book about a woman's vagina troubles, this is not the book for you. If you've ever had bemusing medical experiences related to your undercarriage or appreciate comic accounts of vaginal mysteries, then this oddly riveting book IS for you.

[David A Townsend · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sometimes I felt that I was eight. In my quiet, clean house. Where the table next to the sofa was stacked with books I wanted to read and the refrigerator was supplied with food I liked to eat and the sheets on the bed were fresh, I had a sense of contentment and control that reminded me of childhood. With as eight-year-old conviction that I ran the entire world and could arrange it to my liking.

Like everybody, I'd learned all sorts of dreary things about the world and myself in it. The worst, of course, was the fact that I was going to die. It was actually going to happen to me. Not that I quite believed it- but the older I got, the more I saw that everything I did was just a protest against death, a heaping up of weight on the life side of the balance so that maybe, somehow, death wouldn't be heavy enough to take me. He wasn't much of a lover, death.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who has dealt with a couple of chronic illnesses, including a chronic pain condition, this book rang incredibly true. The reviewers who are saying that this book is just about Susanna Kaysen's vagina are missing the point - it is about her vaginal pain disorder, yes, but it's more about the way that you are treated when you have an illness that is not easily diagnosed. There's the helpful friends and knowledgable medical professionals, but also the parade of doctors who either dismiss your symptoms or act like you're over-exaggerating them, and the people who don't understand and blame you for your condition and its effect on your lives. There's the seemingly endless treatments that you have to trial, and - worse - the moment when you run out of treatments. Kaysen has done justice to this entire ordeal with the same simple-yet-profound phrasing that she used to do justice to the experience of mental illness in "Girl, Interrupted".

This book has a few negatives - mainly, it's very frustrating to watch Kaysen's asshole of a boyfriend become more and more odious until he finally leaves. However, this is an important part of the story that is being told, so it's good that it's a part of the book. Less important is the book's coda about Kaysen's unrequited, post-asshole-boyfriend crush on a younger man - I just...could have done without this, and think the book would be better without it.

All in all though, I think this is a great book that is important to read. At some point in your life, you will probably know somebody with a chronic illness or pain condition, and this book can give you some insight into what they might be going through.

[Kristin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thank goodness this was a freebie from my gym's book exchange. I picked it up thinking the author would chronicle her quest to detemine the cause of intense pain in her female organs culminating in the dicovery that it was some rare genetic condition inherited from her mom. Guess the title is deceiving. The book's description also said it was at times funny. They must have left the funny out of my copy.
Instead, she spends 160 pages whining about why she doesn't like any of the treatments suggested by the various health practitioners she visits and fighting with her boyfriend because it hurts to have sex. Then there was no real solution to the problem, just that she dumps the guy then whines to her friend that she has no sex drive and no love life as a result.
Bottom line was, I didn't care and was glad it only lasted 160 pages

[Crystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a difficult book to read because it's a lot more than just a quirky or funny story about Kaysen's vaginal dysfunction.

cw: rape, sexual coercion



The main takeaway I got from this is that Kaysen endured months or longer of sexual coercion and assault from her then boyfriend because he prioritized his sexual needs and didn't see her as anything more than a body he could use and possess, willing or not. It's alarming that some of her doctors also seemed to prioritize her boyfriend's sexual needs while her vagina was already feeling painful most of the time and when the pain would be downright excruciating during sex.

It really says a lot about both healthcare for women, specifically when concerning their reproductive system, and how some men abuse their SO when their sexual access to their body is threatened.

[Empress · Rating 4 out of 5]

vaginas have feelings too.

[Tia · Rating 3 out of 5]

First the title gives you no clue what the book is about. It was an interesting look at a woman's relationship with her body, her sexual self, her vagina.

[Lyddie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book has been sitting on my shelf for I-don't-know-how-long. I bought it because I think I was trying to be rebellious an edgy: "See? I don't mind reading a blunt, self-indulgent book about female sexuality, and I'm going to read it on the bus just to prove how nonchalant I am about it all..."

Meh. Potentially insightful at moments, but that's about it. Recommend Erica Jong instead.

[Sian Lile-Pastore · Rating 4 out of 5]

The most vagina book I've ever read.I found it really interesting and I love that Kaysen devoted a whole book to her troubles with her vagina. Also might be relatable for people with chronic pain.

[Maya]

Nie wiem. Na pewno lepsza od "Przerwanej lekcji muzyki"

[Zoe Satterthwaite · Rating 5 out of 5]

she’s sooooo me

[Aira · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yalllll this was such an interesting, funny and werid ass read. Also it makes me just wanna take care of myself even more.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

Note to self: read what book is about before buying based on the author….this book was not about a camera nor about a mother.

[Alessandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Non so perché 4 stelle. Forse perché, leggendolo, ho sentito tutti i dolori con cui convivo da anni, li ho rivissuti insieme all’autrice, e un po’ ha fatto male, e un po’ ha fatto bene.