The Patron Saint of Used Cars and Second Chances: A Memoir

by Mark Millhone

In the course of one nine-month period, filmmaker Mark Millhone's youngest son nearly died from birth complications, his father was diagnosed with prostate cancer, his mother had a heart attack and passed away, a freak illness claimed the life of one of his friends, and his career imploded. As a result of his membership in what he calls the "tragedy-of-the-monthclub," his marriage also began to fray. Millhone responded to the chaos as many men Late one night, he logged on to eBay and bid on a vintage BMW—his fantasy car, but not exactly what the doctor ordered when it came to his family's finances. As if sharing the news that he'd won the auction with his already-peeved wife weren't bad enough, it turned out that he had to travel from New York to Texas to collect the car. His estranged dad joined him, and together they embarked upon a dysfunctional road trip—a comedy of errors that would lend Millhone the perspective he needed to save his marriage and to understand what was really important in his his family. Acerbic and hilarious but with heart, this memoir will appeal to readers of Chuck Klosterman, David Sedaris, and Nick Hornby, as well as readers of Millhone's "Guy Wisdom" column in Men's Health . His male perspective on a troubled marriage, raising children, coping with loss, and rejuvenating a relationship with a parent will appeal equally to both sexes.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, Humor, Biography Memoir

208 pages, Hardcover

First published July 7, 2009

Reviews

[Jana Bouc · Rating 2 out of 5]

If I'd paid for this audio book I'd be asking for my money back but I downloaded it from the library. It's kind of book that makes you wonder how they pitched the book proposal to the publishers and why they decided to publish it. It's the story of a terrible year in the life of a family told sarcastically by the father. I kept thinking that something would redeem the book since it was not badly written but in the end, even though there were some minor positive outcomes, it was a waste of time and depressing.

[Betsy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't really get into this book. Just a bunch of random stories that I found uninteresting and not very funny. The description recommended for fans of David Sedaris and Nick Hornsby, which I love, but this one fell flat.

[Melinda · Rating 2 out of 5]

If there could be an award for an over-dramatized plot with little redeeming substance, this book would win hands down! This book was not at all what I was expecting - it turned out to be an excruciating account of a troubled year in the life of the author's family and the resulting catastrophes. Yes, it's admittable that their year was full of unfortunate and dispairing experiences, but could Milhone ever take a look on the bright side of any of it?
The story drowns in dysfunctional family episodes, all of course, told from the narrator's point of view. His father was a workaholic, his mother was borderline crazy. Despite his upbringing, Milhone appeared to be the best father he could be to his two sons, something in which he received absolutely no support from his just as crazy wife and something which he constantly second guesses and doubts his every decision and action. His wife, Rose, was one annoying character - so negative, weak, bumbling and critical; all from a woman who refused to leave her own bedroom. I struggled to grasp a strand of sympathy for this woman and failed miserably. Get therapy, I pled, and get on with the story!

[Eric · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t write reviews very often but I feel compelled to for this one because of all the other reviews I’m seeing. There are a lot of people who don’t seem to realize this is ~non-fiction~. They are not annoying characters, they are real people at their wits’ end. I also see a lot of reviews saying that the main character whines too much, but to that I ask, did you read the back of the book before you bought it? The premise of the book is that the author is trying to keep his family together after a year that could ruin most marriages. It’s not a perfect book, but it is pretty much what it says it is. Some people didn’t like the humor but I did. There are some moments where the author doesn’t seem super self-aware, but generally he’s fairly insightful and clever. I read a lot of memoirs this year. As a normal midwesterner who grew up in a dysfunctional family, it’s nice to read a memoir with a life story similar to mine for once. It’s a nice break from reading about how awesome it is to grow up in L.A. or New York, what it’s like to get discovered, etc. etc.

Tl;dr: apparently this book isn’t for everyone but I enjoyed it.

[Sharon Cullen · Rating 1 out of 5]

The only redeeming feature of this book was the narrator-Ray Porter. The story is about a whiny guy and his family. Yes, they had an unfortunate year, a critically ill baby who recovers nicely, by the way. His chronically ill mother, who he detests, dies from a heart attack. His father, whom he does not get along with, suffers prostate cancer and recovers. His 6 years old son is nipped in the face by the family dog. Totally, not the dogs' fault but he proceeds to kick the shit out of the poor animal. Oh and did I forget to mention, this guy also took his elderly dog, who is perfectly healthy, to be put down? Now he is killing another dog for his own convenience. What a prince. Throughout the story, he moans and groans and feels sorry for himself. If this is a real memoir of this guys life and what he considers insurmountable problems-stay clear of him, at all costs. This is the first critical review I have ever written but I really really wish I had never bought this piece of trash. Save your time and money-

[Zjourney · Rating 1 out of 5]

I started this book thinking it would have some humor - maybe his 'insights' would help.... Boy... was I *wrong*. First... I forgot to check doesthedogdie.com (it didn't occur to me I'd need to), and it was all so downhill from there... I'm *very* glad it's over. I may go buy a pinata so I can beat the crap out of something & eat a bunch of candy...

[Esther Dushinsky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audiobook

[Carla · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great book give it a try 😁

[Claire Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mark Milhone has given us the story of two journeys in this funny, sad, moving book. “The Patron Saint of Used Cars and Second Chances” is about the author’s trip from Texas to New York with his father in a used BMW he’s just purchased on eBay. But it’s also the story of an intensely difficult year in his life and the life of his family, and how he began to sort through the shattered pieces of their existence and found the clarity to begin putting things back together.

During the self-described “year from hell,” Milhone’s newborn son nearly died from complications at birth, his older son was bitten in the face by the family dog, his mother died of a heart attack and his father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The string of tragedies put a strain on his marriage, and things weren’t helped when he told his wife he was headed to Texas with his father to bring the car home. Yet the journey father and son share provides Milhone an opportunity to gain perspective on the tragic events of recent months and gain perspective on what truly does and doesn’t matter. Milhone and his stoic Midwestern father don’t talk a lot—his dad is the kind of man who usually keeps his feelings to himself—so when they do achieve a deeper breakthrough of communication, it’s all the more significant.

Milhone has a true gift for capturing the sometimes humorous, sometimes tragic, sometimes seemingly ordinary moments of everyday life. He helps us to see that seemingly unimportant things can carry great weight; that there is humor, even in the midst of suffering; and that the ability to recognize and value what is truly important in our lives may be the most important ability of all.

I loved this book. As a reader, I didn’t want the journey to end, but as a fellow human being, I was glad that it did, and that Milhone was ready to move forward with renewed perspective and hope.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Millhone details the events of his year from hell. His infant son spent time in the NICU fighting for his life, his mother passed away, his father was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and his older son suffered a significant dog bite to his nose. Rather than bringing his marriage together, it nearly tore the couple apart.

The book on its own is an interesting look into what can happen to a family when so many disasters happen in a short amount of time.

There were two areas where the book suffered for me. First was in the lazy, clichéd writing. It was on the conversational side, which I usually prefer, but I also have to feel that the writer is truly writing from the heart. It felt more like a whine fest rather than a genuine expression from his soul.

What really irked and disgusted me--and I'm shocked that no one else has mentioned this--was the detailed account of the brutality shown to their dog Boomer. I understand he was under extreme duress, but I cannot excuse him grabbing the dog, throwing him in the bathroom, kicking and beating him and then leaving the dog whimpering alone in the bathroom. Millhone expressed guilt about immediately shipping him off to be executed, and then sniffled about having to pay to send him to someone's farm, but never expressed remorse. Then the couple marches off to an expensive pet store and has their four-year-old pick out another dog. Are you kidding me?! It's not that I don't sympathize with the extreme situation, but brutality shown toward an animal is no excuse and Millhone's behavior was cowardly and reprehensible.

I gave the book three stars for its overall story, but personally I can't stand this guy and would give him a big fat zero on the integrity scale.

[Holly (2 Kids and Tired) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I usually enjoy true-life memoirs, and this certainly falls into the true-life category. It's an easy read and, for the most part, an interesting one. Mark Millhone writes about what he calls his "year from hell" and does so honestly. As one crisis after another affects his family, he finds himself and his wife pulling apart from each other. Once he purchases his dream car, he thinks it will be something that brings his family back together again, because a past BMW purchase was such a good experience for them. His wife is understandably not very happy about it.

The book doesn't follow Mark's life experiences in order. But, as he recounts his drive from Texas to New York, he recalls conversations he had in the car with his father, and vignettes from his past that explain his thought processes and help him gain some much-needed perspective. We learn that his family was dysfunctional, but whose wasn't to some extent? Every family has their issues, even the perfect, happy ones. We also parent as we were parented unless we make a conscious effort to change. Mark was able to recognize his father in himself and realize the kind of husband and father he didn't want to be.

Overall, an honest, yet humorous and thoughtful read. The blurb says the book would appeal to both sexes, and while it was interesting, I think it would be more appealing to men. I also could have done without the moderate profanity, although I wouldn't call it gratuitous.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

A man reconnects with his dad and finds his way back from a year filled with tragedy and loss in this touching memoir that puts a humorous cast on some of life’s darkest moments...

Mark Millhone has just had the worst nine-months of his life. His youngest son, Benny, almost died from birth complications. His emotionally distant father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. His neurotic mother died of a heart attack. His son was mauled by the family dog. And his once idyllic marriage is slowly coming apart at the seams.

What is a guy to do?

Why, what any other red-blooded American man would do! Late one night, Millhone logged on to "The Patron Saint of Used Cars" aka EBAY and bid on a vintage BMW. Loading up the kids and wife, Millhone drops them off with her parents in upstate New York and heads to Texas. There, with his Dad, he picks up the car and commences on a road trip to find himself, a little perspective, and the sheer will to just keep going on.

Mark Millhone pulls no punches in this wry, hilarious and heartfelt look at the worst year of his life. It is a unique male perspective on marriage, child-rearing, loss, love and rekindling the romance in a faltering relationship but it will appeal to both sexes without a doubt. I really enjoyed this little book and laughed, and cried, along with Millhone every 'mile' of the way.

[Miamienne · Rating 3 out of 5]

TAKE IT OR "JUST LEAVE" IT.

Millhone's ease with pushing prose on paper makes this book bearable.
Although there's a BMW and the open road, a smooth ride this book is not. Millhone's writing is a breeze despite the constant dread found in his story. This book reads like a therapy journal for Millhone's "year in hell." In one year, Millhone's mother died of a heart attack, his father is diagnosed with prostate cancer, his son Benny spent his first days of life in ICU fighting for his life, and his wife is depressed.

Millhone described a family road trip: "Every place was different and yet they were all the same-just someplace new and different to have the same old issues." Issues like putting down/beating family pets when they no longer suited his needs, buying a rare baseball card set, a Gameboy, and a deluxe DVD when his son Sam gets a dog bite, bemoaning how his parents went wrong in raising him and his brothers, and endlessly bickering with his wife (who is forever threatening to "just leave!").

It's clear that the year in hell affected Millhone's perspective with a wariness about life and its, to use Forrest Gump's expression, "box of chocolates." That's why I was happy when the ride ended and I could go back to my simple kind of life.

[Dale · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun story, but not completely resolved

Mark Milhone's memoir about his self-described "Year from Hell", marriage troubles, a reconciliation with his dad and a road trip to pick up a used BMW he purchased on E-Bay (who does that?) is a fun, sad read.

Millhone tells his story about the death of his mother, the death of his first dog, the near-death of his newborn son, the dogbite his oldest son suffers and the deterioration of his marriage.

So, does he resolve these issues?

Not really.

He tells his story in an entertaining manner. His relationship with his father is strengthened (as a kid, his father sent his number one man from the office to take him to see The Empire Strikes Back because he has no time for his family) but the other issues are not fixed, there is just a renewed resolve to work on them.

Nonetheless, it's still a fun read - good for a summer trip. Lots of parts to read and discuss with others in the car.

Read more reviews at: http://dwdsreviews.blogspot.com/

[Debbie · Rating 2 out of 5]

It seems Mr. Millhone has learned that there's nothing to be gained from running away from the shared (if sometimes, or even often(!) excruciatingly difficult) present into either of the self-constructed realms of the past or future. Next lesson: As members of the supposedly intellectually superior species, please consider that WE owe as much (or more) patience and caring toward, and hold equivalent responsibility for the "dumb" animals as we do to our own human toddlers. There is an ever-growing body of scientific data proving that *all* creatures with whom we share our existence on this planet have *different* yet very real knowledge, communicative abilities, and emotions (yes, emotions). It is we who have been terribly slow to realize *their* various consciousnesses. You wouldn't kick your kid until your booted foot hurt and then throw him/her into a locked bathroom for 6 hours, or would you? Without this consciousness and sensitivity, "WE HAVE NOTHING".

[Lorihudeck · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading The Patron Saint of Used Cars and Second Chances by Mark Millhone is like sitting on your deck with an old friend and a case of your favorite adult beverage. He tells of his "year from hell" and its aftermath in the straight-forward, easy tone of an old friend filling you in on what's been happening in his life. The story moves primarily in a chronological fashion with just enough flasbacks for the reader to be able to understand where Millhone is coming from.

The beauty of the work comes in his ability to take an honest look at all of the people in his life, including himself. He even manages to make his mother seem sympathic by the end.

An easy, enjoyable, and at times, surprisingly painful read, The Patron Saint of Used Cars and Second Chances is for anyone who, like Millhone, feels they "survived their family more than belonged to it."

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Milhone has a nice and accessible writing style. While you're reading this book, it kind of feels like you're having a nice, long chat with an old friend. I think we've all had our own "year from hell" or have dealt with dysfunctional family members, which makes it easy to relate to this book.

I didn't always agree with the way Milhone handled some of the situations he encountered, but stress often makes you behave in ways completely out of character. By the time the book ends, it seems like Milhone (and his family) were taking what they learned from their "year from hell" and making more rational decisions. I do wish we would have had more "road trip" stories, because I really grew to like Milhone's father and would have liked to learn a little more about him.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't normally go for memoirs, but I went for this one. Millhone comes to the table with just the right mix of oddball humor, tenderness, and drama. I like the way he tells the story as well, just as much a mix of memories as the ongoing track of events. Everything Millhone chooses to describe (either the memories or the track of events) seems carefully chosen and essential. The memories seem at first to be digressions from the main story of the car, but really they are as much a part of the action as the main story and the book never loses its momentum, even if it is not completely linearly told. I really got into the book. I felt engaged with this little window view into Millhone's life. Nicely done.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one GoodReads sent me. . .can't wait! Memoirs are distrubing. No one would write one about a la-dee-dah life, so that makes a lot of sense. This one is so normal--normal horrible things happen to this guy, perhaps not all in such quick succession--that it is easy to relate to this guy, the guy with troubled relationships, a fabulous view of the world, a sense of humor. Although I had to race through some chapters for my own peace of mind, I found the allusions and imagery familiar, funny, poignant, and I appreciated the resolution. And I think this memoir would make an excellent movie--the framework story of the trip, interspersed with all the family drama. I'd even pay to see it in the theater. Thanks, GoodReads. And good job, Mark. Best of luck wherever you roam.

[annmarie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I checked this audio book out from the library on my phone. It was a very quick read/listen. I tend to like memoirs anyway, so I enjoyed it. It was a good reminder that when things get rocky there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I was looking for some slightly less intense listening after the 64 hour audiobook that was Atlas Shrugged. This worked nicely. I would recommend this book to anyone who likes memoirs of non-famous people or someone looking for hope that things will get better even when everything seems to be falling apart. Now on to something new... Anyone have any suggestions?

[Jennifer Nanek · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was ok. The narrator and his family have a bad year of various family health crises including a death and loss of the dog. The marriage becomes troubled. So the narrator buys a car to cheer him up.

The best part of the story was he and his emotionally closed off father driving the new car home. Enjoyed their conversation and experience there.

The worst part was how whiny and weak-minded the narrator was. Granted he and his family have been through a lot, but he went on and on about every catastrophic event. His wife was worse. Definitely both needed counseling which is the ending really. Not a great book.. but is ok.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will try to keep this brief so as not to ruin any part of this book for anyone else. You should read this book. I would have given it five stars but I had a serious personal problems with two decisions the author made and his realationship with his mother and wife were so honest and heartwrenching it was just too close to home. This memoir is well written with some beautiful, soundbite-worthy prose. I do recommend this with the warning that you should be prepared to have it take you by surprise.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

I needed a light read to listen to on a long drive and I stumbled across this title. Seemed like a good choice. I got more than I bargained for. I laughed, I sobbed, I got a bit angry, I even yelled at the reader once. And I never realized how quickly the miles rolled past until I noticed I had only thirty miles to go as the book ended. For anyone who's life has hit a downward spiral they could not control but survived anyway.

[Terry · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very poignant book about family crises and the challenge of working through them. The narrative is against the backdrop of buying a used car and a road trip with the author's father. It flashes back to his childhood, parent's marriage status, death of a parent, personal marital problems and injury to their kids. It is a very interesting read and far exceeded my expectations.

[Marca]

I pulled the plug on this one after 40 minutes (audio). The scene with the dog Baily did it for me. Added to that, I found myself in the middle of unpleasant dysfunctional family drama, and don’t need more of that in my life. The title and the first minutes of the book are promising, but the story mired quickly.

[Jocelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It was weird remembering that it is a true story and yes, it even made me cry a little. It also made me think about myself and how I act under stressful circumstances. A quick, easy read that people can relate to.

[Wendy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of sad topics addressed in this book, which could have been unbelievably depressing if not for the black humor sprinkled throughout. That's what keeps the story afloat and allows for the author's message of hope and second chances to shine through.
A good read, but keep the tissues handy.

[Frank · Rating 4 out of 5]

A surprisingly funny recounting of a "year from hell" experience in a family's lifestory. At first I thought, well this is just an unusual set of circumstances. But later I realized that years from hell are more common than not. Enjoyable, profound and easy to read.

[Carrie LeAnne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Library2go Audiobook. This book was fairly depressing throughout, what with all the tragedies that befell the author in one year. A couple of times, I even got a tear in my eye (I empathize too much). On the whole, a mildly amusing tale that made me ever more grateful for my circumstances.

[Amy]

I bought this book after hearing Mark Milhone give a reading from the book -- hilarious and poignant!