Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict

by Irene Vilar, Robin Morgan (Foreword)

Irene Vilar was just a pliant young college undergraduate in thrall to her professor when they embarked on a relationship that led to marriage—a union of impossible odds—and fifteen abortions in fifteen years. Vilar knows that she is destined to be misunderstood, that many will see her nightmare as an instance of abusing a right, of using abortion as a means of birth control. But it isn't that. The real story is part of an awful secret, shrouded in shame, colonialism, self-mutilation, and a family legacy that features a heroic grandmother, a suicidal mother, and two heroin-addicted brothers. It is a story that looks back on her traumatic childhood growing up in the shadow of her mother's death and the footsteps of her famed grandmother, the political activist Lolita Lebrón, and a history that touches on American exploitation and reproductive repression in Puerto Rico. Vilar seamlessly weaves together past, present, and future, channeling a narrative that is at once dramatic and subtle.

Impossible Motherhood is a heartrending and ultimately triumphant testimonial told by a writer looking back on her history of addiction. Abortion has never offered any honest person easy answers. Vilar's dark journey through self-inflicted wounds, compulsive patterns, and historical hauntings is a powerful story of loss and mourning that bravely delves into selfhood, national identity, reproductive freedom, family responsibility, and finally motherhood itself—today, Vilar is the mother of two beautiful children.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Feminism, Biography Memoir, Womens, Gender and Sexuality, Book Club

222 pages, Paperback

First published July 23, 1996

About the author

Author, Publisher, Editor, Literary Agent
http://www.mvpress.org
http://www.americasforconservation.org
http://www.americaslatinoecofestival.org
http://www.gf.org/fellows/16883-irene...

"Irene Vilar is a writer of extraordinary passion, erudition, and intelligence"---Tobias Wolff
"This is another dark perfect gem from Irene Vilar. Impossible Motherhood is like a journey into a harrowing underworld but guided by Vilar's gifts and her light we emerge in the end transformed, enlightened and oh so alive."---Junot Diaz
"Stunning. A Lyrical and visionary memoir of depression, Puerto Rican identity, and young womanhood"--- Kirkus Review on "The Ladies' Gallery (starred)
"Startling, raw, and affecting, a painful exercise in which memoir as therapy becomes memoir as art"---Philadelphia Inquirer Notable Book of the Year (by Carlin Romano)

Read more:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/...
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Matern...
Irene was born in Arecibo, Puerto Rico. Her memoir The Ladies’ Gallery (Other Press, 2009, originally published by Random House in 1996) was a Philadelphia Inquirer and Detroit Free Press Notable Book of the Year and was a finalist for Mind Book of the Year (UK) and the Latino Book Award. Her latest memoir, Impossible Motherhood (Other Press, 2009) won the 2010 IPPY gold medal for best memoir/autobiography and the Latino Book Award for women issues. Both memoirs explore generational and national trauma. Irene’s work has been featured on NPR’s Fresh Air, CBS-NYC, PBS-Boston, Vogue magazine, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, New York Times Magazine, and on the cover of the New York Times art section. Her books have been translated to German (Aufbau Verlag 1998 & Hoffmann und Campe 2011), French (Balland 2010), Italian (Corbaccio 2010) and Spanish (Lengua de Trapo, Madrid/Buenos Aires 2012). Abroad Irene’s work has been featured in Elle (UK) Vanity Fair (Italy), Liberation (France), Grazia (France, UK, Australia), Marie Claire (Italy), Madison (Australia), Republica/Tempo/Gazzetta del Sud/ (Italy) and on the covers of Tempi Magazine (Italy) and Irish Independent Sunday Magazine (Ireland). See: http://www.irenevilar.com/media/

Vilar was book series editor editor for Women and Jewish Studies at Syracuse University Press and from 2002 to 2005 served as founder and series editor of The Americas book series published by the University of Wisconsin Press. Currently she is series editor of The Americas at Texas Tech University Press. The series has published over forty books in translation in the last ten years being among the most important initiatives of this kind in the US (along with Dalkey, New Directions, Archipielago).

Vilar is literary agent for Vilar Creative Agency, and co-agent in the U.S. for Ray-Gude Mertin Literary Agency, an agency specializing in Spanish, Latin American, and Portuguese authors representing such notable writers as Nobel Prize-winner Jose Saramago.

A 2010 Guggenheim Fellow Vilar is also a participant of the Oxford Union Debate Society, being the first Puerto Rican to be invited to the prestigious union.

Reviews

[Angela · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not sure what to say about this book.
I got it because I was curious, and I thought I would learn some kind of important truth about human nature by reading it. I thought there had to be something dark and mysterious that would make someone live like that.
I should have known better.
The thing that strikes me most about the story is how banal it is. It's utterly believable. You can see it happening.
Was she using abortion as a form of birth control? That's the criticism that a lot of people are going to give: abortion is a sacred right, a painful decision not to be abused. She could have taken the pill and she had abortions instead because she was too lazy. I don't think that's it, though. She wasn't functioning at a level that would have allowed her to be so coherent about what she was doing.
I'm also not sure that she was "addicted" to abortion. I think she was addicted to the horrible man she was with; and I think she wanted children and so she got pregnant, and then didn't want to lose him, so she had abortions. And I think that after doing that 12 times, she started to feel like she couldn't carry a child to term. If it was even that coherent.
I think the truth of the matter is that she was deeply troubled and deeply confused and too wrapped up in her own pain and her own bad relationship to really comprehend what she was doing. I'm not saying that that excuses it. I do think, though, that if the stories of most abortions were told, they'd be more similar to hers -- both in terms of the reasons behind them and in terms of the scars they leave behind -- than many would like to admit.

[Veronica · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book is traumatic with a capital, bold T. At one part about 1/3 of the way thru, I threw the book down in disgust and decided I was done. You are warned.

Impossible Motherhood by Irene Vilar has received a lot of press and been a topic of debate on many a listserv due to the subtitle "Testimony of an Abortion Addict." When I first found out about this book my first thought was "Oh shit." Many people, including Vilar, believe that this book will be used by anti-abortion activists as proof of women using abortion as birth control and thus a reason for the procedure to be banned outright.

But if you read Impossible Motherhood, you'll soon discover that abortion is the hook not the heart of the story. Rather you find a sad story of a young woman thrust into an adult world and quickly found herself in a situation most of us would probably fall apart in as well. Depression soon engulfed her life, althou it was most likely merely lurking in Vilar's life after her mother's suicide.

While Vilar's life is more dramatic than most reality shows and it sometimes hard to believe, it does make you stop and wonder what you would do in her situations, especially as each abortion occurs. She falls in love with a bully 34 years older than her who "enlightens" her that children and family weigh you down, so a free and independent woman must remain child-free and thus is her excuse for multiple abortions.

Interestingly Vilar claims the label of feminist. She reads feminist authors and talks about them. She finds some strength in them, but talks about how feminism had no answer for her. And honestly I believe she is correct.

What I took away from this book was that while so many of us will fight to the death for abortion rights, many of us would shun Vilar from the movement due to having 15 abortions. She turns to the same people in her life. Would you stand by her abortion after abortion? I honestly don't know. One or two we can support, but after that many of us start to blame the woman for not taking care of themselves, not protecting themselves, etc.

Another interesting aspect of this book is that this is Vilar's second memoir to cover the years she spent with her ex-husband (the bully). In her first, she talks says it was the happiest time of her life. Obviously in this one she takes a difference view of her marriage. With the number of memoirs being written by younger people (anyone under 50, I'd say) I think there is a lot that could change. Perhaps not as dramatic as Vilar, but think about how you looked at your 20s at age 30 then perhaps 10, 20 years later.

Do I think you should read this book? I'm not sure. It made me think and made me furious. The abuse she suffered in her marriage is what sticks with me far more than her abortions.

Politically you should read this book because I believe it makes a great case of why abortion can't be stopped by legality, if a woman wants one, she will get one. I also think the anti's will use this book and we should be aware of what Vilar actually says.

[Kerry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many who read this book, the author’s memoir or ‘testimony’ of being an ‘abortion addict’, may scrutinize her terribly, (as she realises), as a woman, a lover, and a mother, but one thing you cannot scrutinise Irene Vilar for is being a bad writer.

Not only is this the author’s testimony of terminating 15 pregnancies, but it is also about making many mistakes and sacrificing WAY too much while on the road to finding herself and also dealing with mental health issues.One good thing to come out of her story (aside from her gaining independence and becoming a mother of two) is that the awful relationship she went through with the man who fathered 15 of her aborted to-be children, (who can only be described as a narcissist, emotional and metal abuser, and a pathetic excuse for not only a man but for a teacher at that!) is that he has now enabled Irene to find her creative voice within the pages of this extremely interesting and well written book.

Its two focal issues, the relationship and the abortions. I believe one would not have occurred without the other as her partner turned husband was extremely influential in the decision to terminate the pregnancies by having such a controlling influence over Irene’s fragile and venerable life.

She writes: (Talking about producing her first book while with her husband,)
‘I was never to believe in the importance of what I was doing beyond the practicality of writing a book that organised our common schedule and could possibly bring us money’.
– What’s even more disturbing than the mind control and restraint of this emotionally/mentally abusive man in her life, is that this man indeed was a teacher! As an education worker, an author, and a woman who has been through an emotionally abusive relationship, I found this quite aggravating.

Does Vilar get off scott-free however? No. We’re all responsible for our own choices.Yes it’s infuriating that she almost carelessly declares that’s she just ‘isn’t good with pills and forgets to take them’. Yes it is almost maddening that she basically had an abortion every 8 months (with one exception.) One thing I found very worrying to read was that 2 of the abortions were performed in the second trimester.

I live in Australia and law here regulates that abortions can ONLY be performed in the first trimester, before the time that the foetus acquires a heartbeat. As a woman, that truly was concerning to me, and the pain that the author would have beared while having those second trimester abortions would be, well- quite unbearable. And On the same note – any physician that would tell a woman as they did with Vilar, that they will ‘prey for her soul and that of their aborted baby’ once the procedure has been completed- REALLY needs to take a lesson on bedside manner and probably is in the wrong profession. Women who undergo the trauma of abortion (yes I know it’s their choice, but that’s exactly what it is –a choice-) do not need the judgment of their doctors, in fact it is the doctor who should be judged at having carried out a procedure that they disagree with.

The idea that children hinder an adult’s life, I found particularly ludicrous. I myself am a female writer and never once has it crossed my mind that having children in my future will stunt my creativity and stop me from writing, in fact I relish the idea regularly that one day my child will inspire me to write something wonderful that I can share with the world and I can’t wait to feel the joy that that may bring me.

All in all I like Vilar, I found myself understanding her motives in many ways but saddened that a man (35yrs older than her I may add) could have SO much influence, power and control over her. I’m just glad that she now is much happier. I may add that while this is a story I’m sure many people will have varying opinions on, that Velar is a wonderfully poetic writer and very brave for telling such a controversial story to the world.

[Andrea Luquetta · Rating 3 out of 5]

The beautiful writing wasn't enough for me. I wanted more: more honesty, more detail, and most of all, more analysis of the distinct abortions, the battles lost and less often won against depression, the surges in confidence and plunges into self-doubt. Vilar gives us lyric writing that seems pregnant (pardon the pun) with more insight than it delivers. She gives, at the end, a summary explanatory essay that made me feel like the preceding 200 pages were merely an accounting of 35 years of memories. I'm done with the book and I still have no idea how and when she developed into the woman she becomes.

Worst of all (and this is less criticism of the book than of the analysis in it) I'm disappointed in her lack independence in how she regards herself. She portrays herself as in relationship - with her mother, father, grandmother, siblings, husbands, lovers, daughters and others. I want to know, through it all and after it all, who is Irene Vilar?

[Caitelen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had a hard time getting through this book. I made myself finish in hopes that there was some redemptive light at the end of the tunnel. I suppose some could argue that there is, but to me this book was a shockingly, and sickeningly, honest look into the selfishness and self-deception surrounding this woman's "addiction." The only value I found in reading it was that it offered me that perspective. It was, however, utterly disheartening and my heart aches for all the children she left in her wake.

[Caitlin Constantine · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's interesting that so much of the discussion surrounding this book focused on her abortions, when really, the abortions were almost incidental to the story. This could have been a book about an eating disorder or alcoholism or cutting, because the point wasn't so much that Vilar had all these abortions as much as it was that she was an addict, just like nearly everyone else in her family (including an older brother who ODed on heroin).

Her issues were no doubt helped along by her relationship with a pathologically narcissistic man, the kind of man who took credit for all of the good things in the lives of his wives, who blamed them for all that went wrong with his, and who found everyone else boring unless they were talking about him. He took up with Vilar when she was a precocious teenage college student and he her much older professor, and he used to tell her that "family kills desire," and that his previous relationships had been destroyed when the women decided they wanted children and they became bitter and wounded and less pliable, all by the withered old age of 28.

I had moments where I wanted to track this man down and beat him senseless with a hardcover copy of "The Second Sex." I would say that I have a hard time believing such a man could actually exist, except I don't, because I've known men who were quite similar in philosophy and temperament.

Like many readers, I found myself frustrated with the author, but not because I was envisioning all of the pregnancies she terminated (which came out to something like 15, which is a lot of pregnancies!) It's the kind of frustration you feel when you come across someone who consistently and repeatedly engages in self-destructive behavior, even though you KNOW they know better. It's the kind of frustration I feel when I watch "Intervention," where I just want to shake the person by the shoulders and tell them to snap the fuck out of it already. However, my frustration is tempered by empathy, as I know I was at one point in my life the woman others wanted to take by the shoulders and shake the sense back into, and so I cannot be too hard on her, especially as it seems as though she is in a much better place now.

Unfortunately, while she spends several chapters laying out the disastrous events of her life, the analysis by which she explains it all felt a bit flimsy to me. I wish she would have elaborated more, because I had glimmers of understanding but nothing like what I look for when I read a memoir. I also wish there would have been more written about the impact the U.S.-directed program of forced sterilization and birth control experimentation had on the women of Puerto Rico. I don't want to say too much, but the bit that Vilar did divulge broke my heart and infuriated me, and it reminded me of how a single devastating act can echo across generations.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, despite the criticism I have of the ending, I have to say the book was beautifully written. Some of the language Vilar uses is so perfect that it was easy to overlook the flaws. I hope she writes more because I would absolutely love to read it.

[Anina · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title is kind of sensational. The book is a memoir of her early marriage to a much older and controlling man, with whom she did have most of her 15 abortions. But it's really about being so anxiety-ridden that she liked being controlled. And a relationship that relied on drama, the abortions were part of that.
It makes me think of the quote "happy marriages are all the same, but unhappy ones are each different". This was definitely a story only one person is ever going to write.


A common question on people's reviews is "Why didn't she just take her pill?" but she was mentally ill and that absolutely answered that question. I was actually disturbed to read all these reviews by women and see how angry they were at her for being mentally ill simply because abortion was involved. Remember people: anyone can become mentally ill, and anything can be abused! It was interesting to see the effect of her depression on her body as a woman. But this is a personal story, I don't see how it supports any political stance.

The writing is very lyrical and honest. I think a lot of women would be surprised to find they identify with her philosophically as she works through her issues, even if her story is unique and perhaps shocking.

[Shana · Rating 2 out of 5]

This weekend I read Irene Vilar’s Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict. I was drawn in, of course, by the title and the controversy surrounding the book. But the reason I couldn’t put it down was because it was so hard to believe that what I was reading was actually her life, and that she was bearing it for all to read.

The title of this book suggests that it’s heavily focused on reproductive matters, but I found that while the abortions do come up, they are there as supportive evidence as opposed to the main act. Vilar’s abortions are the consequences and symptoms of much deeper issues stemming from her childhood, her upbringing, and the emotionally abusive relationship she was in for years. I suspect the title focused on the abortions to draw attention to the book and get people riled up.

This is certainly not a happy, holiday read. It’ll give you a straight up dose of reality, but if you can hold on till the very end, you will see that even Vilar can scrounge up some inner strength when she absolutely needs it.

[Geraldine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have to respect Vilar for writing this book, but I found her voice incredibly staged and almost manipulative, as if she was enjoying the drama a little too much. The subtitle ("Abortion Addict" was clearly dreamed up by an overeager editor hoping to get her author invited on lots of cable shows), the introduction by Robin Morgan, and the neat little conclusion whereby everything works about because the author brings pregnancies to term and become a mother--it was all a little too much for me. This is a book I wish I'd read as part of a class or another group that would end itself to discussions, because I'd like to talk it out and better explore why I found the bare bones of the story so compelling, but Vilar's voice so off-putting.

[K. F. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brave account of the continuance of trauma, and one woman's ongoing attempt at self destruction. While it did feel at times like the author held some truths close to her chest and didn't share them on the page, what was there was powerful to read.

[Glenda Bixler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Impossible Motherhood


By Irene Vilar
Other Press
ISBN: 9781590513200
222 Pages


Somewhere shortly after I began to read Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict by Irene Vilar, I turned to the back to see if there was an author picture. Such a beautiful woman, but with large sad eyes, even in this photo. As I read about her marriage, I wanted to alternatively "shake" her for allowing her husband to treat her so, and then "hug" her tightly as her mother and/or grandmother should have.

There is no doubt that a young 15-year-old woman who begins an affair with a much older man is searching for "something." There is both an honest account of her life with her husband, as well as a follow-up analysis of what was happening to her. Even though she later separated from her husband and went into the same type of defeating relationship with another man, by that time, Irene was already addicted--to abortion as a means of control.

Irene places her life within her cultural background. This is most significant--and not so significant. A need for women to gain some control over their own life has been documented for all women, not just one culture. I must say though that the activities about using the women in Puerto Rico to test drugs are a devastating reality that we must never forget! When will the time come when profits for corporations are no longer more important than people?

Childhood for Irene included her mother leaving the home in her early years. Two of her brothers were drug addicts, one dying from his abuse. Her father was a quiet alcoholic and while he seemed to be "there" for the family, his loss of his wife deeply affected the entire family.

When Irene was 15, she was allowed to go to the United States to begin college. As an intelligent woman, but young enough to be "moldable," she became the mistress of her professor. I can think of no other words to describe him than as narcissistic and selfish! In essence, he wanted his freedom above all else, wanted Irene to financially carry her own weight and had no desire to have children, making that quite clear but forcing Irene to be the one to deal with birth control.

Thus began the cycle. Irene could become pregnant, because she wanted children, but would abort within the time allowed legally...only to ignore her birth control pills or take them sporadically, until she was once again pregnant.

It is arrogance beyond belief what her husband did "in support of his freedom!"

It is stupidity beyond belief to allow it to happen...unless there are psychological issues that press someone into this type of self-destructive behavior. Irene Vilar freely shares her innermost feelings about her husband and others in her life. Many women become stupid when faced with things they cannot control, including myself!

I am so thankful that women are beginning to open up about sexuality and its impact on their personal life. God alone knows how many women are facing some type of psychological issue/result from sexual-related issues; and there are few, if any, church-supported actions created to help women with the terrible abuse they face.

If you have the least feeling for women's issues in the United States and other countries, you owe it to yourself to read this book. It is not fiction; it is a reality that must be explored and discussed...YOU must discover this for yourself!



G. A. Bixler

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a powerful, painful book about an abortion addict, not something I agree with by any means (especially knowing how many women have suffered from infertility & being almost 17 weeks pregnant myself; I am pro-choice for others, pro-life for myself, but 15 abortions in 15 years is excessive). Irene had a tough upbringing, losing her mother to suicide when Irene was only 8, having 2 drug addicted brothers, growing up with an emotionally unavailable father, several suicide attempts of her own, but other people have had tougher childhoods & not gone to such extremes. She pulls no punches with anyone, including herself; this is an honest - sometimes brutally so - explanation of how she chose to terminate so many pregnancies - and how she eventually gave birth to two children.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not pro abortion, NOR pro choice NOR on the fence. For me abortion is horrendous but for others i think its thier own choice. When i first began reading this book i found the author so relaxed with the fact she had had 15 abortions disgusting! But as i read on i was still horrified but also coming to see her reasoning behind these abortions....

Im still not sure if i dislike to author or not for her choices in life; but her style of writing is certainly easy to read and does captivate the reader.

Worth a read!

[Cinnamon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a hard book to read. I kept wanting to hug the author, take her away from her husband, help her see the value in herself. Not only is her story heart-wrenching, but her writing style is just beautiful which intensifies the emotional pain of seeing her suffer as an outsider. I was conflicted and wondered how much healing she had done, could have done, at the end of the book. But the last chapter set my heart at ease. I still feel for the little girl who was taken advantage of by her teacher, but I'm proud of the woman she became, and honored that she was able to write her story.

[jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've never internally screamed 'girl, DUMP HIM' so loudly or frequently. The most harrowing thing here isn't the titular abortions or addiction, it's the author's abusive, predatory, woman-hating man child of a husband, and her inability to extricate herself from their wildly uneven and ludicrously unhealthy union. Vilar is a talented memoirist, and she has a story to tell. It is beautifully told, and it's also still incredibly difficult to read, though not for the reasons one might expect.

[Destiny · Rating 2 out of 5]

My first criticism of this book is that the story is meandering and by the time she gets off a tangent to get to the point she was trying to make, I no longer cared. I was very frustrated with the author. I wanted to shake her out of her funk and show her she needed to make actual decisions in life and not just let life happen to her then have to pick up the pieces.

[Bill V · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is disappointing and tragic. The author does take some responsibility for her actions but she also includes items of cover such as sexism, colonialism and culturalism as additional reasons. The height of personal irresponsibility. I favor the right to choose but to see it used so casually, like buying a loaf of bread, is really disturbing.

[Sasha · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book did not elicit the kind of emotional response that I normally look for from titles such as these. I felt a bit detached from the story the whole way through, perhaps mirroring the way Vilar seemed detached from her life and her choices--at least in the telling.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book with a question in my mind of why a woman would put herself through so much pain, terminating the growing little life forms inside of her. It is an incredibly difficult book to read - one that I may not have been so anxious to pick up if I had known about the painful story inside. While reading the book, I found it difficult at times to not judge her harshly - after all, there were several could-have-been children who she herself decided to terminate and it does seem like she willingly puts herself in extremely sad, sick situations. At the same time, just by reading her story I could sense the pain of the events in her life as very real and intense and I know I´ll never fully understand what it is like to go through what she´s been through. Some will feel there is absolutely no excuse for deciding to abort but as for myself, I feel I shouldn´t judge because I will only ever know my own experiences. I am one human being of billions, and just like every human, in many cases I can´t truly understand why people do harsh things. The best I can do is read about it and listen to other peoples´ voices.

A bit about the author, Irene´s, past:
With her mother having abandoned her and having committed suicide, an alcoholic father, drug addicted brothers, then becoming involved with a man in whom she desperately seeked love and approval, (she always wanted to please others) a man who never wanted that kind of attachment with her and who would dismiss her wishes and desires (becoming a mother, being successful in her career, as unimportant, ridiculous even), Irene has had a tougher time in life than me and I can almost feel her pain. She writes well, and honestly.To be with someone who doesn´t even acknowledge that happiness or the attempt to achieve it for his partner´s sake as well as his own would be incredibly stressful and lonely. There is enough negativity in the world as it is. But this woman, Irene, was young and hadn´t experienced much. (Like I said, maybe not an excuse, but a factor in her incredibly hard life - I´m fairly young myself but I find it harder to blame a young, inexperienced person who has grown up with so much sadness and negativity). Her much older man was ¨teaching her¨about what mattered in life. He did not want her baby and he told her so outright. She would get pregnant, feeling good and fantasizing about motherhood, until the fetus would become too large, until it had been in the womb for too long, and then reality hit and she felt like she had to abort it to keep the man she was absolutely sure she loved. This became a habit, an addiction even, as she says. The high before the low before the sense of calm. Over and over.
I´m glad I read this book. It is really difficult to read, though. There is so much pain and confusion and self-hatred and guilt all in one big cycle. Thank god she broke that cycle at the end and found some of the peace she was searching for in motherhood with another, less depressing and overwhelming man.
Even after having aborted so many times, by reading Irene´s story I could understand how very human she is and how she really does deserve peace and motherhood, a different style of life not marked by obsession, hurt, and constant doubt in herself.
I do not think that her way of dealing with all the crap in her life was permissible - the abortions. I think that would be a horrible, sick way to deal with anything really. And she is the only one who can really assume responsibility for her actions. It is only natural that she suffer not only for everything she´s gone through, but also for her own decisions.
If you have any preconceived notion about this woman before picking up her book, I suggest you actually do take the time to read it to at least base any opinions on what you end up reading, which is likely different in some ways you wouldn´t have imagined.
I know I´ll never be able to claim that I know the author or that I´m familiar with her struggles - I myself have grown up in a different era, in a different country - I´m a completely different individual and I could never imagine going through abortion under any circumstance - but I´m glad I read her book. It´s an eye-opener that reminds me of the importance of compassion toward others, the need to really think before we let our ego-centrism take over and cloud our judgment. Irene has more than paid for her unfortunate, brash and horrible choices in the past and I hope a lot of that pain and depression has faded.

Quotes:
By Robin Morgan in the foreword:
xiii - ¨…we stuck it out, validating the very lies we´d been taught about inherent female masochism. ‘We rejected identifying with other women -even many lesbians did so (Gertrude Stein, Elizabeth Bishop), because only men were fully human, only men possessed the agency to act on life. Each of us desperate to be the ´exceptional´ woman in her Great Man´s judgmental eyes strained for power, for voice itself, through him.¨

xvi - ¨Our own bodies have been taken from us, mined for their natural resources (sex, children, and labor), and alienated/mystified…¨

In Irene´s story:
p. 45 - ¨Nothing was sacred to him (her lover-partner) but the ability to smell the rat. In less than an hour I learned that families were nests of suffering, education a farce, books an absurd attempt at eternity; love a recent invention, God a dream gone sour.¨

p. 51 - I had not thought of birth control. My only thought that night I had sex with him in a car was of making sure I was not in the way of a man´s pleasure and my running.¨

p. 52 - Anything that interrupted my obsessive thoughts brought me back to a desperate and frantic state. I was not alive when he wasn´t with me.¨

p. 53 - ¨Would he be astonished to find out that I never stopped thinking about him from morning to night? No, he probably knew, I thought, and the humiliation was comforting, almost reassuring, as it lit the flame of a death wish.¨

¨I basked in the thought of killing myself, in the same way I would make love without birth control without thinking about the consequences.¨

p. 67 - ¨Holding hands kills desire, he said to me when I, timidly passing my shopping bag to him, reached for his hand, and held it in mine. I quickly let go and thought that this one piece of advice, like not showering together or not brushing our teeth in front of each other, might be some genius secret knowledge one had to learn, for the sake of a future.¨

p. 72 - ¨How could I explain I had no money? How could I say I needed to wait until I found Alba to borrow it for the fare_ .. Irene´s husband believed that in order for a woman to be ¨free¨and independent, she could not depend on a man for money - only on herself - even though at this time Irene was very young and like many 20-year-olds she didn´t have much in the way of money. Later, on page 82, he tells her,¨I don´t want to step into the father role. It´s important that you keep your independence and remain a free woman.¨To me, at 20, she´s not a woman at all.

P. 83 - He tells her, ´´If you are grown up enough to have a child, you are just as fit to be a single mother. But I will not be a victim of your displacement.¨…Someone should have told him it takes two to have sex and make a baby and that condoms exist! Not very smart for a 50-year-old professor.

p. 87 - ¨He had a weakness for sadness and tragedy and women at the brink of self-annihilation. It was a weakness I would learn to exploit to perfection.¨

p. 95 - ¨What mattered was that he was free, he was with me, and I, his courageous little woman, was intent on being as free as he was. He was very proud of me. My life would be something I would look back at late in my years without regrets. Ada had joined the ranks of the cowards (by becoming a mother). I was going to abort my third pregnancy.¨

p.96 - ¨My pain and the death springing within me were working material (or nothing more than writing, in his opinion). Beyond that, I did not exist. This belief allowed, among other things, for a second-trimester fetus to be as disposable as I was.¨

After a decade of such a destructive, twisted relationship, Irene grows up, and assumes responsibility for her life, something that many in her family were never able to do. She realizes, ¨For most of my life, I heard others far more clearly than I did myself. This could sum up my life.¨

Her thoughts when she went in for abortions:
p. 203 - ‘ I would go in and out of denial. At times I would forget I was pregnant. Other times I could think of nothing else. I would stop eating. By the time I lay in an abortion clinic waiting for the procedure to begin, I would feel nothing but disgust and shame… I always said to myself, ´This has to end.´¨

During her sixteenth pregnancy with a child born just days later, a midwife talks to her:
p. 214: ¨She asked if I wanted to see my cervix. She inserted a speculum, opened it wide and placed a mirror at the entrance, facing me. I had no scar tissue whatsoever, she said. I would definitely deliver to term. I remember holding back the tears and saying to myself, who is this woman, God bless her. A gesture of kindness and reassurance from a stranger is heartbreaking.¨

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

The cover of book Impossible Motherhood is simple but alluring. It traces the outline of a woman with two lines, with the title and sub-title ‘Testimony of an Abortion Addict’ located where the pubic mons is. Then, there are three sets of red lines (each set has four lines with a fifth line diagonally striking them off to symbolise ‘five’) at where the figure’s vulva would be.

I was immediately intrigued. An alcoholic, substance abuser, and sex addict, I have heard of these. ‘Abortion addict’ is a first. The cover image depicted her vulva, graphically, as shut down. I opened the cover to read the forward by Robin Morgan: “Irene Vilar was just a pliant young college undergraduate in thrall to her professor when they embarked on a relationship that led to marriage—a union of impossible odds—and fifteen abortions in fifteen years.” I gasped. Fifteen!

I had to read on. Born in Arecibo, Puerto Rico, Irene Vilar is a literary agent and series editor of The Americas at Texas Tech University Press; she lives in Colorado with her husband and two daughters. Her first memoir, The Ladies’ Gallery, was a Philadelphia Inquirer and Detroit Free Press notable book of the year and was short-listed for the 1999 Mind Book of the Year Award.

The book is really about a young woman who never received the love she always wanted. At eight, Vilar watched her mother commit suicide by leaping out of a car. At twelve, she read The Diary of Anne Frank and identified with the girl who lived in an attic and had to ask permission “to exist in that smallest of holes”. At seventeen, she began a sexual relationship with her fifty-one year old college professor that lasted eleven years.

Readers are in for quite a ride as Vilar lets us in on the truth about everything, even when there is no truth to be had. How did she allow herself to become pregnant again and again? What made her marry the domineering man who insisted on freedom by her remaining childless? As the book went on, we lose track of the number of abortions and the details of how each abortion took place, almost as if Vilar’s life as spiralling out of control and she no longer could recall. Did the details matter? The person does. I found myself silently rooting for her to make it. Beautifully written, Vilar unveils to us her life—one that has been more painful than the abortions she had borne, one which is distressing at times, compelling throughout yet ultimately inspiring.

I found these reviews on Amazon. ‘E. Bentz’ commented, “I was not let down by this book – I am pro-life, but this book offered a new perspective that gave me more understanding on what a woman can go through when dealing with the hard decision of abortion.”

‘Poetry Lover’ recommended the book: “This is a book that everyone should read – precisely because we can probably all agree that abortions are terrible things. Irene Vilar says nothing but that, but without the reductive politics of the usual debate. Hers is a complicated, wrenching story about gender, nation, privilege and marginalization, the politics of health care and culture. I’m very much pro-choice but that’s not what this is about – it’s a journey, a painful, scary journey, deftly written, that will make you reconsider everything.”

‘G. A. Bixler’ wrote, “If you have the least feeling for women’s issues in the United States and other countries, you owe it to yourself to read this book. It is not fiction; it is a reality that must be explored and discussed…YOU must discover this for yourself!”

I agree with ‘Bentz’ and ‘Poetry Lover’ that Impossible Motherhood furthers one’s understanding of abortion. This is not an easy topic to discuss and having had this glimpse into the life of a woman who had serial abortions, we can only conclude that abortion is a personal and much more difficult issue to fathom publicly. ‘Bixler’ is also right in that there is much value in Vilar’s book in exploring, discussing and understanding attitudes towards sex and abortion.

[Edmond · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why do women get an abortion? It is a form of self-abortion, a form of suicide. A child in the womb of a woman, they are one. An abortion is a desire for death, self-mutation. Even before the authors first abortion, I saw the theme of her life, she is a nihilist, she has a desire for oblivion, a desire for nothingness. She had 15 abortions, and she tried killing herself 7 times, she tried kill herself 22 times. The abortions, the alcohol, the suicide attempts, the extra martial affairs, the divorce, this is the culture of death. The abortion issue and euthanasia are interlinked, they are one the same. One kills oneself when one kills another person. Raskolnikonv, in “Crime and Punishment”, killed himself with his first murder. What happens after murder, the person becomes a zombie, a soulless being. The question is, conservatives want to kill women who had abortions. Can one kill a person who is dead?

In a way, this book is very banal, the banality of evil. Her life story is very boring. The left propagate the idea that getting an abortion makes a woman a man-god, the Übermensch. In reality one becomes a zombie, soulless being with nothing but despair. Some modern feminist woman say that their greatest achievement in life was getting abortion, it is not an achievement, it is a very banal, cliche act. The Übermensch does not exist, when one murders God, one becomes the Ultimate man. A nihilist needing to die, a lot of drugs for living, and a little drug for dying. The Pro-abortion narrative is a lie, there is nothing unique or great about abortion.

[Mary Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

A simultaneously tragic and electrifying read. Vilar looks back on her life with a critical eye to make sense of the unimaginable pain of the twelve abortions she underwent in the span of just over a decade. As she tells the story, she unwinds this thread of suffering through layers of grief: through her need for control, through the relationship with a manipulative older professor who became her first husband, through her family's struggles with addiction and mental health issues, through the legacy of Puetro Rico's struggles for independence, through the broader debate over women's reproductive rights. Her insights into other people and into her own pain translate into gripping prose.

While it is by no means perfect, and there were a few sections that could have been smoothed over or expanded, I think it is well worth the read. Call it a 4.5

[Leigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was an interesting read. It certainly pushed my boundaries regarding my own self-perception of open-mindedness and empathy. This book is well written and you truly feel her suffering. Self-harm is something I have been working with clients on as a therapist for years. I have never been introduced to abortion as a form of self-harm before. I agree with a few of the other reviews that there is certainly more to this story than the abortion piece. I also have to admit I feel slightly weird reviewing this memoir as it is so personal. I guess all memoir's are personal but this is more in the realm of trauma narrative personal. Read as part of the PopSugar Reading Challenge as a book recommended by someone else taking the PopSugar Reading Challenge.

[Alexandra Cobb · Rating 1 out of 5]

I honestly don’t know what to say about this book. I got it because someone recommended it to me. It takes place in Syracuse, NY which is home to me, but my goodness what an awful story.

Irene Vilar is troubled and mentally unstable in this memoir. I hope overtime she has changed.. which I think she has because it appears she has 2 children now after doing some research. I just do not understand her “addiction” to abortion. 15 abortions? She talks about abortion as her fix of getting high.

I don’t recommend this book. It also is at times difficult to follow. She jumps from her “master”, to her heroin addict brothers, to her beloved dog Oliveira, to her college friend, Alba, to her countless pregnancies.

[Booked _and_ Thrifted · Rating 3 out of 5]

The writing is good, at times even poetic but it also felt like she was trying to romanticize and victimize herself and her actions. Yes she WAS a victim don't get me wrong but 15 ABORTIONS was excessive, she was groomed and mentally abused by her husband and lost her mom right in front of her (she doesn't let you forget that her mom killed herself in front of her) she blames her mom for her actions from the beginning to the end of the story... She was addicted to having abortions and I am pro-choice but after reading this I kept thinking someone please stop her since she herself says she had abortions for the drama of it...

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure I can really review this. But, I read it for the 2018 PopSugar Reading Challenge as a book about Feminism (Prompt #15) and I think it counts for that, though certainly more convoluted than anticipated.

[Ariana Serafinceanu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Huge.

[abbey · Rating 4 out of 5]

You could not waterboard this out of me.
Glad the author and her family are doing well now!

[Irene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Irene was born in Arecibo, Puerto Rico. Her memoir The Ladies’ Gallery (Other Press, 2009, originally published by Random House in 1996) was a Philadelphia Inquirer and Detroit Free Press Notable Book of the Year and was a finalist for Mind Book of the Year (UK) and the Latino Book Award. Her latest memoir, Impossible Motherhood (Other Press, 2009) won the 2010 IPPY gold medal for best memoir/autobiography and the Latino Book Award for women issues. Both memoirs explore generational and national trauma. Irene’s work has been featured on NPR’s Fresh Air, CBS-NYC, PBS-Boston, Vogue magazine, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, New York Times Magazine, and on the cover of the New York Times art section. Her books have been translated to German (Aufbau Verlag 1998 & Hoffmann und Campe 2011), French (Balland 2010), Italian (Corbaccio 2010) and Spanish (Lengua de Trapo, Madrid/Buenos Aires 2012). Abroad Irene’s work has been featured in Elle (UK) Vanity Fair (Italy), Liberation (France), Grazia (France, UK, Australia), Marie Claire (Italy), Madison (Australia), Republica/Tempo/Gazzetta del Sud/ (Italy) and on the covers of Tempi Magazine (Italy) and Irish Independent Sunday Magazine (Ireland). See: http://www.irenevilar.com/media/

Vilar was book series editor editor for Women and Jewish Studies at Syracuse University Press and from 2002 to 2005 served as founder and series editor of The Americas book series published by the University of Wisconsin Press. Currently she is series editor of The Americas at Texas Tech University Press. The series has published over forty books in translation in the last ten years being among the most important initiatives of this kind in the US (along with Dalkey, New Directions, Archipielago).

Vilar is literary agent for Vilar Creative Agency, and co-agent in the U.S. for Ray-Gude Mertin Literary Agency, an agency specializing in Spanish, Latin American, and Portuguese authors representing such notable writers as Nobel Prize-winner Jose Saramago.

A 2010 Guggenheim Fellow Vilar is also a participant of the Oxford Union Debate Society, being the first Puerto Rican to be invited to the prestigious union.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

While Vilar boldly confesses from the cover of her latest book that she was an abortion addict, nothing comes easily in this emotionally challenging, but very rewarding follow-up to her 1999 memoir The Ladies Gallery. This time she explains that an important part of her story was left out and she's now trying to remedy that.

Most of the book follows her decade-long relationship with her much older professor, the relationship during which she had 12 of her 15 abortions. And while much is clearly wrong with the dynamics of this relationship, which Vilar does not flinch from, she also doesn't take the easy way out and blame her addiction solely on this relationship. Rather the relationship was as much a symptom of wounds from a childhood where both parents were emotionally distant. There's also her mother's suicide tied and the grandmother she barely knew, who deserted her family to fight for Puerto Rican independence, spending many years in prison as a result of her activities.

After exploring her background, while Vilar deals out blame where appropriate, she still realizes that the decision is hers to overcome the emotional decisions of her past. Just as Vilar attempts to overcome her abortion addiction, so too must two of her brothers decide to overcome their addiction to heroin.

I don't think I can do this book justice. Throughout Vilar's worked is touched with the magical realism and the lyrical quality that I've loved in other Latin American writers. While reading her testimony is emotionally exhausting, it's also cathartic. A difficult read, but one that's well worth the investment.