I Apologize

by Bradley Booth

What if the person you love is suddenly, tragically, taken from you?
And after years of living with that memory, the events that led to their death start all over again---with someone new.
Would you have the courage to embrace love, knowing that your world might be torn apart . . .  and once again you were powereless to stop it?

328 pages, Hardcover

First published March 2, 2009

About the author

Men who previously lacked a definite sense of purpose can often look back on a single experience that altered the course of their lives.

For some, it is the love of a woman. For others, it is the death of one.

In the case of Bradley Booth, the combination of both had such a profound effect that it led to him to write.

He lost his fiance to a rare form of leukemia and was advised to seek solace by venting his feeling among others who had suffered a similar tragedy.

Perhaps if he had done so, "I Apologize" would never have been written.

The culmination of five tormented years--during which he blamed himself for not doing more to save her--unleashed emotions that produced his first novel.

Her death and the dreams she once had for the future defined his purpose in life.

As for taking so long to publish the story, when asked, he simply answers, "I Apologize."

"

Reviews

[Kara · Rating 1 out of 5]

I created a did-not-finish shelf just for this book. Normally I try to read a book to the end, even if it takes me a few tries, but this I have no intention of revisiting and can only thank the heavens I got it for free.

It pissed me off fairly early on with the first person's use of flowery language. It's not even purple, it's just pretentious. "I could gaze upon her for hours". Please stop.
And the voice felt odd. Detached or something, but honestly, I didn't get far enough to determine if this was part of the character, although I doubt it.
Nor did the story flow well. I hate to sound all Creative Writing 101 and point out that the author tells instead of shows but 1) it's true and 2) it's egregious. At one point, after describing how kick ass his secretary was, he goes "let me give you an example" and proceeds to tell a story about his secretary that, in addition to being wholly irrelevant to the story, actually had very little to do with the secretary and was a way to show how he was this expert salesman. He bores wows us with some tale of how he hustled this potential client during a golf outing, and somehow that made the client want to work with him (don't ask me, I don't know). What was the secretary's contribution? She was the one who suggested he take the client to play golf...

Worse than all of that (yes kids, there's more!) was the depiction of every single woman in this book as a maniacal, manipulative sociopath determined to get her way at any cost. This shit is so blatantly misogynistic my eyes burned while reading this.

Tony (MC) meets this chick Christina in what I can now see was some elaborate scheme, and they have dinner together. He's kind of hesitant about seeing her again because his gf died so he's throwing himself into his work, but his magical secretary convinces him to call her. She invites him to a get together at her house and when he gets there, apparently she has told all her guests that he is her new boo, and the whole room bursts into fucking applause. Christina is a concert violinist so this is the kind of news that is (apparently) noteworthy among Manhattan's elite. Tony, like the rest of us, is confused and kind of scared. His boy tells him that he can expect his name to be in society pages and what not.

So what's wrong with a story about a crazy stalker? The fact that all his friends tell him to just enjoy the ride! Nobody suggests calling the cops, they're just on some "resistance is futile" type shit. His friend Harry actually says, and I quote, "women don't play fair, and given their emotional temperament, they think of things that the minds of logical men cannot."

The FUCK?!?!?!?

Harry's wife basically tells him that Christina was obviously overcome by passion and desire for him, even though they had one goddamned dinner! "Sometimes that's all a woman needs to fall in love." Again, I say,

The FUCK?!?!?!?

Even if that we're true, it's the subsequent craziness and plotting used to pursue this "love" that has my blood boiling.

She then proceeds to tell Tony about how Harry was engaged when they first met, but she was so enamored after a very long lunch break they spent talking, that she went on a quest to destroy his relationship because she had to have him. "I vowed to be his wife, and nothing he or anyone else did was going to prevent me from living out my dream."

And so I quit. This book for sure, possibly reading forever. Because this is just too much and I've got enough to deal with. I could rant all day about the problems here, but you're smart, you get it. And I'm actually too disgusted for words. Thank God Kindle has a delete function.

[Susanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a book I won in the sweepstakes here on Goodreads. I was so excited to get it yesterday. The author even signed it. I screamed like a little girl!(it was pretty sad, I admit)
Plan on devouring the book today! Thanks Bradley and Goodreads!

*SPOILERS*
Like others have said, I really wanted to like this book but I didn't. I'm sorry to the author, it was a very personal thing to write about. I wish there was a way I could ask him some questions. I wish my review could be more kind.

The thing that really stuck out for me was the language, who talks like these characters, especially in modern NY. It was very pretentious. The dialog was very rough. Too many 'dearest', 'princess', 'son,' and 'does it not please you?'

Christina frightened me. I couldn't stand her through the entire book. I couldn't figure out what Tony saw in her, or why he allowed her to completely rule his life in ways. The staged wedding/his wedding was completely unbelievable. And supposedly his friends all helped Christina plan this - those people are NOT friends! I wonder if it is just me, or if other readers found Christina to be impossible to like. I couldn't understand what the characters saw in her other than her ability to play great music. But for me the woman was a poster child for multiple personality disorder.

There are a couple scenes that involve Christina shaving Tony, very weird to me, and it didn't seem like it fit with the story. I can understand trying to tie in Christina's family background and ancestory... but the author never really expanded on it past the shaving.

The sex scenes on their honeymoon were just awful. Never compare your body parts to produce! And, I don't know why he would refer to his 'manhood' as a Cavendish... I looked it up in the dictionary, so either he named his penis after an English chemist/physicist or sweetened, pressed tobacco in the shape of cakes. Hmmm... And the dialog during was just painful to read. I admit to skimming after the first bout between Christina and Tony. It would go from flowery and overly sicky sweet, to very soft core porn in the span of a paragraph or two.

It isn't until the end that you learn the whole story about Pricilla and Tony, how he lost her (his first love) to leukemia, and how he and Pricilla suffered through 2 miscarriages. There would be scattered paragraphs throughout the book describing this great emotional trauma in an incredibly vague way. It didn't feel like part of the story, after a while it just sounded like whining. But when you get to read what happened FINALLY at the end, a lot of things begin to make sense, but not enough. It's too bad that the reader has to wait so long to find this out, I believe it would have helped the book to have a lot more information on Tony and Pricilla in the beginning. For me it wasn't enough to make the book tie together, instead it left me with more questions.

I also felt like the author was very ambitious in the issues he wanted to cover. Loss of 1st love, issues with his mother, money vs security, letting yourself love again, trust, courage... but I think it was too much for this author at this stage in his writing.

The overall message of never forget to tell those closest to you how much you love them was lost throughout so much of the book. Again, sorry to the author, but I can't think of anyone I would recommend this book to.

[Megan · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was so excited to read my first First Reads book! By page TWO, however, I was wondering what I had gotten myself into. This book is a love story based on the author’s life. It’s hard to judge someone’s true experiences, but this book is written in a way that makes the relationship between Tony and Christina, the two main characters, seem warped and hollow. The communication between the two of them is superficial and incredibly manipulative. The author uses so many terms of endearment and clichés that the entire story seems like a joke. In addition, the author doesn’t trust his readers to understand subtlety, and the same simple points are expressed over and over and over. I rolled my eyes and groaned throughout this book. The last few chapters were interesting, but it came way too late. I’m sure that the author healed by writing this book, but perhaps it should have remained a private story.

[Samantha · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm a great lover of books, and I enjoy almost anything I read. This book, however, is an exception. I tried to like this book, but I just couldn't. Nearly everything about it was terrible. For one thing, this "wonderful woman" was like something right out of Fatal Attraction. Except nobody in the book thought she was a total creeper. The story was also extremely difficult to get into because of all the weird flowery language. People just don't talk like that in real life. Also, the whole story line was a bit pretentious. I just don't have any interest in million-dollar houses or expensive suits and cars. It was the ultimate yuppy love story. The two main characters just bothered me, especially when Tony keeps calling Christina "princess". All in all, it was a very amateur book, with a terrible plot, awkward language, and contemptible characters. I definitely would not recommend it, and that's a lot coming from me.

[Sheila · Rating 1 out of 5]

I feel bad that I did not really enjoy this book, especially after reading that the death of the author's fiancee is what caused him to write the book. But in that sense, maybe this book is not written for me to enjoy, or for other readers to enjoy, but was in fact written for the author. Writing can be healing, it can be great therapy, and if writing this book helped Mr. Booth deal with the loss of his fiancee, then I suppose nobody else's thoughts, reviews, or opinions should matter. And if that is the case, then Mr. Booth, I apologize for not giving you a better review. My condolences for your loss.

[Dawn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Like everyone else I was hoping to really like this book. I felt I never got to really know the characters so it made it difficult to connect with them & the plot. Christina seemed very unbelievable for a career woman in present day. I felt the books story line got alittle better the second half.

[Danette · Rating 2 out of 5]

I won this book on the first-reads. It is signed by the author and came with a matching bookmark. Thanks Bradley Booth and Goodreads. Having said that the story was a little ... weak. I'm by no stretch of the imagination a critic but the story didn't get me involved or have me caring about the characters. I was just left with the women of the story being a crazy person.

[Christy Stewart · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got this book in the giveaway, the author was so nice to autograph it, and it has gotten such bad reviews; for these reasons I wish I could give it a better score...But I can't. The writing was rushed and the dialog was very unbelievable.

[Bobby · Rating 1 out of 5]

My first Goodreads Giveaway!

When I received this copy, I was surprised to find that the hardcover was nicely & personally signed by the author and a nice bookmark also enclosed. A good first impression!

The book is inspired from a tragic loss the author endured, and I am glad he was able to express his feelings in such a positive way. However, a lot was lacking for me with this book, and at some points it took a lot for me to continue on. But I committed to finishing it.

The story is of a workaholic man, Tony, who keeps to himself suddenly in the company of a young, beautiful and talented woman, Christina, who after one or two dates conspires to marry him and bare his child. The man then constantly battles with his love for this woman (or her physical beauty, perhaps) and his suspicion of her manipulative ways. In this is laced with an inner battle, his past, which is not revealed until the very last two chapters.

Unfortunately, this choice made the book unbareably redundant as the main character went through the same argument to himself again and again as if he were a helpless victim. I felt that the love of Tony and Christina was left baseless, and their dialogue between each other vomit-inducing with absolutely no depth. I hate to be so harsh, but it was a constant barage of "dearest" and "princess" and "I will always love you" and so forth. In fact, every character talked in the exact same formal dialogue which made it really hard to visualize real characters of the late 1990's.

There were also a lot of unanswered questions, like how does one plan a surprise wedding when no marriage certificate has been applied for? Or how does a man who doesn't seem to be very experienced see with his untrained eye whether a woman is a virgin or not? I'll refrain from criticizing the sex scenes.

There were some really touching parts like when Tony FINALLY reveals his past of losing his loved one to a friend. But, I fear I would never recommend this book to a friend unless I felt that they were extremely old-fashioned and could get lost in the corny dialogue and helpless nature of the main character.

[Julie Barrett · Rating 4 out of 5]

I Apologize by Bradley Booth
Tony runs a company in the city with help from his secretary, Maggie. She took it upon good authority that he'd end up like her dead husband if she didn't intervene. She commandeered the desk and told the others the job had been filled. She is an asset to his company and knows just the right things to say to others to get them to be a client of his.
He works mega hours as he has no other life now. He goes to the ballet often and other entertainment in the city. He ends up having dinner with a woman Christina and then they split ways. That night he sees her, she's the one world renown violinist for the symphony and she draws his attention. He does meet with her and before you know it he's attending her wedding day ceremony.
Problem is she leaves the man at the alter and with Maggie's help they are the ones to be married that day, elsewhere in front of their relatives. Their sexual journey and honeymoon start at Bermuda where the sky is the limit to whatever they want. Very heated sexual play. After several days they explore the island...
He tells her of his dreams and goals in life and there are many poems throughout the book. Steamy sex scenes as life goes on for the married couple. Things progress: cooking, new house, and work for them both keep them satisfied til she tells him her news. It's most unexpected and he's terrified for her. Seems he's been down this path before..
He seeks guidance from his friends and his driver..he is too bitter and blames himself for what happened in the past and knows that Christina has betrayed him.
He does open up to Harry and along with what he perceives to be God's wishes he can understand all that was meant to be: not a death but a celebration of life.
Love the detailed descriptions of the surroundings, travel and house furnishings, gardens, and glad one old man was able to break through to him...

[Shirley Kingery · Rating 3 out of 5]

I Apologize by author Bradley Booth

Affluent Publishing, 324 pp.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank author Bradley Booth for granting me the pleasure and privilege of receiving his new novel, I Apologize, in exchange for the opportunity of reviewing it. This was made possible by Library Thing's Member Giveaway Early Reviewer's program.

The story is a poignant study of powerful human emotions laid bare in a drama of love, loss and grief and one man's struggle to overcome the overpowering effects of these emotions before they destroy him. The language used is simple and repetitive, but paints a clear portrait of the characters and storyline. The reader experiences a rollercoaster of emotions as his sympathies swing first towards one character and then to another. The reader is kept riveted to his seat turning the pages until the very end by a plot which is centered around an apocalyptic event from the past; which is often referred to but not divulged to the reader until the end of the book.

I found this book all the more meaningful, as it is a creation born of personal experiences in the author's life and the writing of it provided a catharsis for him.

The book's jacket design is very alluring and colorful with an air of mystery about what the enclosed novel holds in store for the reader. It should attract the attention of plenty of browsers who would do well to pick it up and take it home to experience it for themselves.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautifully written book by a very talented author. It is a story about a man learning to come to terms with losing someone he loves and spending years grieving for her. He relives the events of her death and consequently he makes his life as orderly as he possibly can. BUT there is so much more than that within these pages. There is a full range of emotions put forth and you can feel everyone of them while reading this story. This is a powerful book with varied twists throughout the story. Especially the ending! I literally could not put this book down. The writing is clear, the characters are detailed and with that you have a clear picture of everyone of them. This work was based on this authors own life experience, and it shows through the whole book. You feel it - you know it while reading. If you get the opportunity to read this book, I would highly recommend it. I personally will not give up my copy! This is a story that I will read again and again. Bravo to Mr. Booth. Your book "I Apologize" is a touching and thought provoking story that everyone should read at least once in their lifetime. And as Mr. Booth says: "Never let a day go by without telling that special someone that you love them". I promise Mr. Booth, I will now.

[Marianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently received a copy of this book to review and I really enjoyed it; It was so nice to hear a male perspective to something so difficult as to deal with a loved one's untimely death, to finding new love. While some of it was kind of sappy (the terms of endearment that he used when he addressed the new love of this life seemed a little 'over the top") but on the basis of a story, I found it very enjoyable; I picked it up and didn't put it down until I was done. Thank you for this great story.

Marianne Curtis
Author
Finding Gloria
Moondust and Madness: A collection of Poetry
Finding Gloria ~ Special Edition
Behind Whispering Pines
Brian's Last Ride

[Lisa]

Thanks to Netgalley for letting me review this book.

Usually I love a book that is based on real life. They are usually gut wrenching and make me cry which will most likely bump a book up a star or two for me. And I usually give every book 100 pages to decide if I like it or not. Unfortunately I didn't need 100 pages for this book for me to decide if I like it or not. See, I'm getting older and life is too short to read a book you know is a stinker, even if you have a rule.

I couldn't get over the pompous windbag vocabulary in this book. Who talks like that? Christina is only 22! The name dropping of the brand name clothing was nauseating. I don't care if you have to choose between an Omega Deville instead of the Yacht Master. Or that you listen to classical music *points nose in the air*. Don't care about your "washboard stomach either." I just didn't care what happened to these characters. They were so boring and stuffy and snotty. Life is too short to read something you aren't interested in. NEXT!!!

[Jennie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book to be interesting...a bit confusing at first because of the lack of information on the main character's history. This is especially true because his history impacts his current life and future so very much. At the end, when the past is revealed, the story makes complete sense and all the loose ends come together...which after finishing the book gave the book a little something different. The main character was a bit annoying at times...his personality had him getting very angry over tiny things sometimes and being overly passive at others. The subtle (and not so) gender slander towards women over emotions and expectations of men taking care of them was annoying and offensive. For me, it detracted from the story and actually turned me off from reading the book a few times. The romantic scenes were written in an over-the-top with slightly creepy fruit references...weird for sure! In all, I liked it, didn't love it but didn't hate it either.

[Sherry · Rating 1 out of 5]

won this is a goodreads drawing in may- finally getting around to reading it.
i really wanted to like this book- i liked the premise but i just couldn't finish it. i invoked my reader's rights and stopped reading after about page 75. the writing seemed a bit stilted. the book is based on the author's life and i think it probably was therapeutic for him to write it. the main character refers to an event that happened to him- a tragedy- but doesn't tell you what it is- apparently that happens at the end. the whole relationship between the mc and christina seemed so bizarre to me. like i said, i wanted to like this book and am disappointed that i didn't.

[Janae · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book...I truly did but I was not able to get into the story. So much happened so quickly that is was extremely difficult for me to be able to connect with the characters. I was left with so many questions because the characters weren't introduced to me. The book made me feel that I had come into a conversation in the middle and could not ascertain what was being discussed. I do feel that this author has talent but should focus on character development so that his reader can know his characters as intimately as he does. Best of luck in his future endeavors!

[Audrey Henning · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried to like this book...I did...but wow.

I hate hate hate writing bad reviews, but I couldn't even make it through this book. I liked it at first, but about 50 pages in I was just done.

What is up with the writing?? Something is just terribly off about it. That is not how people talk.

And the story...oh my gosh the story... :( It was...creepy...One minute he's "in love" and the next moment he "hates" her and all of a sudden they're married?? Both of the main characters were just down right creepy.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book reminded me a lot of Danielle Steel's writing. She takes a lot of books and repeats the same ideas and things over and over again in case the reader didn't catch it the first twenty times. This one seemed to do the same thing. Plus I didn't find it believable that some woman can trick a guy into getting married and having a baby like she did. It just didn't seem believable. Did this guy have no backbone that he just couldn't say no?

[Ronald Roseborough · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was not very pleased with this book. It is a story of a man, with a tragic past. He meets a woman who manipulates him into marriage and starting a family. The odd thing is this is exactly what he had hoped to avoid after a previous relationship which turned out very badly. The writing is repetitive and full of cliches. The only people who can't tell where this is going are main character and the author.

[Janice · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was confused in the first part of this book and wanted the back story of the main character Tony to be explained before the end of the book. His lost explained many things and cleared up some of the confusion for me. I also thought the sex scenes were way over the top and too much for me. The dialogue didn't seem real at times and I felt I was reading an ARC that still needed its final editing. With more careful editing this story would make a solid romantic novel.

[Vicky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks bradley for sending me a copy of your novel. I"m sorry I can't give it a better rating. The plot was interesting but I just couldn't get into it. Maybe at another time I'll be able to read all of it and like it.

[Matthew · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm afraid I don't like the writing style of this author. You jump from one thing to another that is miles away with just a period and no gentle guidance of the reader. I felt like I was getting whip lash when I read it.

[Wanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book has an interesting idea...but confusing because you feel like your missing information at the beginning. if you last until the end of the book the story makes sense and the story does come together. Over all i found it very difficult to get into the story.

[Kimberly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Check out my review at: http://ismellbooks.blogspot.com/2009/...

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book & it makes you reflect on people you have lost in your life. I am greatful that I received a copy of this book & am pleased that the author signed it, thank you!

[Apologize159]

it is so great