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500 Reasons Why... I Hate The Office
Rare book
- GenresHumor
224 pages, Paperback
Published April 10, 2007
1 person is currently reading
6 people want to read
About the author
Malcolm Burgess
6 booksHow 'honest' Jeremy Corbyn might teach publishers a thing or two ...
Who would Jeremy Corbyn it? A politician (apparently) without spin or guile whose supporters claim is introducing a new-found honesty to politics. Would that the book trade might follow in his saintly footsteps when it comes to its job of selling books.
Bullshit words and phrases are endemic in the business although at least the newer ones have a novelty about them, which may however be short-loved.
The current number one suspect must be all those 'Enchanted Mandala Woodland Kingdom Mindfulness' titles (Exorbitantly priced colouring books. It might be cheaper to share your child's Charlie and Lola comic or ask for a free colouring sheet and crayon when you're next in Pizza Express and get it out of your system with some nice carbs.)
This is closely followed by 'healthy eating' (not quite a proper cook book or health guide, but the writer from west London - they're always from west London - looks lovely and who's arguing with half a million Instagram followers.)
Bubbling under comes 'Famous people's memoirs' (we're not allowed to say celebrity memoirs anymore, fingers' burned too many times, but we think Lulu still has some pretty amazing stories to tell.)
'Erotica' (what used to be called soft porn until it was felt to be empowering for readers and desperate publishers) looks set to run and run, as does 'Nordic Noir' (serial killers with frostbite).
And get ready for those 'Chinese boxes' as Tom McCarthy's Satin Island makes the Booker short-list. No one, but no one, wants to use the word 'experimental'. More attractive to say that this book is impregnated with DDT and causes cancer.
On the matter of 'fan fiction' (written by the kind of people who, in times past, would have been burnt alive at the stake) publishers are grudgingly being forced to admit that the gatekeepers aren't what they were and the barbarians are over the wall.
Of course no one says 'misery memoirs' anymore - or rather bottom of barrel scraped too many times. At least agents can be blamed for leaving no fake memory syndromes or coal hole violations unvisited.
Ditto 'chick-lit', for which no one will now take responsibility. Better to call it 'contemporary women's fiction' and hope the pink and lime-green covers hold out for brand recognition.
Of course the golden oldies have never gone away and will still be around when most of their younger brethren are lying discarded among the One Direction annuals.
We all still know what we mean by a 'Richard and Judy' novel (a book that makes you laugh and makes you cry, although possibly not for the reasons the writer intended).
Let's hear it too for 'self-help' (books that show you how to do things for yourself because, let's face it, there's no chance that anyone else will do it for you).
And who can resist 'sequel' (author dissuaded from writing anything original), 'adored by generations of children' (GCSE set text), 'satirical' (writer sniffy about being called funny) and 'about Britain today' (depressing).
All of which is, frankly, irrelevant as we know that now is the season when books must be sold in record numbers or else instant penury will result.
Which brings us rather naturally to 'Christmas bestseller' (a book you wouldn't dream of reading yourself, but is felt to be suitable for relatives and people you don't like very much).
Notwishstanding all of the above I do hope you enjoy my Don't Mention It: The A - Z of Modern Bullshit, £7.99, paperback.
I'm also the author of I Hate the Office, based on my Metro newspaper series, and Fortyfied: How to be a Fortysomething, based on my experience of owning too many horrible coloured fleeces.
I've written series and features for quite a few newspapers and magazines from Metro, the Times and Guardian to the Evening Standard, Scotsman and ES, as well as comedies for Radio 4 including Fear and Loathing in Crouch End, about Monika Cass, an
Who would Jeremy Corbyn it? A politician (apparently) without spin or guile whose supporters claim is introducing a new-found honesty to politics. Would that the book trade might follow in his saintly footsteps when it comes to its job of selling books.
Bullshit words and phrases are endemic in the business although at least the newer ones have a novelty about them, which may however be short-loved.
The current number one suspect must be all those 'Enchanted Mandala Woodland Kingdom Mindfulness' titles (Exorbitantly priced colouring books. It might be cheaper to share your child's Charlie and Lola comic or ask for a free colouring sheet and crayon when you're next in Pizza Express and get it out of your system with some nice carbs.)
This is closely followed by 'healthy eating' (not quite a proper cook book or health guide, but the writer from west London - they're always from west London - looks lovely and who's arguing with half a million Instagram followers.)
Bubbling under comes 'Famous people's memoirs' (we're not allowed to say celebrity memoirs anymore, fingers' burned too many times, but we think Lulu still has some pretty amazing stories to tell.)
'Erotica' (what used to be called soft porn until it was felt to be empowering for readers and desperate publishers) looks set to run and run, as does 'Nordic Noir' (serial killers with frostbite).
And get ready for those 'Chinese boxes' as Tom McCarthy's Satin Island makes the Booker short-list. No one, but no one, wants to use the word 'experimental'. More attractive to say that this book is impregnated with DDT and causes cancer.
On the matter of 'fan fiction' (written by the kind of people who, in times past, would have been burnt alive at the stake) publishers are grudgingly being forced to admit that the gatekeepers aren't what they were and the barbarians are over the wall.
Of course no one says 'misery memoirs' anymore - or rather bottom of barrel scraped too many times. At least agents can be blamed for leaving no fake memory syndromes or coal hole violations unvisited.
Ditto 'chick-lit', for which no one will now take responsibility. Better to call it 'contemporary women's fiction' and hope the pink and lime-green covers hold out for brand recognition.
Of course the golden oldies have never gone away and will still be around when most of their younger brethren are lying discarded among the One Direction annuals.
We all still know what we mean by a 'Richard and Judy' novel (a book that makes you laugh and makes you cry, although possibly not for the reasons the writer intended).
Let's hear it too for 'self-help' (books that show you how to do things for yourself because, let's face it, there's no chance that anyone else will do it for you).
And who can resist 'sequel' (author dissuaded from writing anything original), 'adored by generations of children' (GCSE set text), 'satirical' (writer sniffy about being called funny) and 'about Britain today' (depressing).
All of which is, frankly, irrelevant as we know that now is the season when books must be sold in record numbers or else instant penury will result.
Which brings us rather naturally to 'Christmas bestseller' (a book you wouldn't dream of reading yourself, but is felt to be suitable for relatives and people you don't like very much).
Notwishstanding all of the above I do hope you enjoy my Don't Mention It: The A - Z of Modern Bullshit, £7.99, paperback.
I'm also the author of I Hate the Office, based on my Metro newspaper series, and Fortyfied: How to be a Fortysomething, based on my experience of owning too many horrible coloured fleeces.
I've written series and features for quite a few newspapers and magazines from Metro, the Times and Guardian to the Evening Standard, Scotsman and ES, as well as comedies for Radio 4 including Fear and Loathing in Crouch End, about Monika Cass, an
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
December 28, 2017
This is one of those books that you come across and buy (at the right price) because you want a bit of entertainment, amidst recognisable, sometimes uncomfortable events and experiences. It also helps, in a way, if you've had some experience as a manager or consultant of some kind and are able to laugh at yourself, and others, hopefully the latter as you may not want to admit to participating in or encouraging some of the dubious, or even stupid activities described here. If you've never reached become either of these, then it may be less funny if you've been on the end of some of this stuff.
"500 reasons" means 5 reasons for each of 100 categories, presented in alphabetical order. They don't all work, but I got more than 100 laughs out of the book. There are also many astute comments about buzz words, communication, consultants, creativity, motivators, psychometric testing, public-private partnerships, teams, training courses etc. etc. On the latter, I met a person recently who apparently had been a trainer in an organisation that dealt with unemployed people, who claimed that he could work out who really wanted a job. His method was one of those survival scenarios, where there are right answers. How that related to wanting a job or not, or anything else, totally escaped me, but I suppose he liked it. I would have refused to do the exercise, but I'm like that.
The examples are British; English, essentially, so some examples are culturally relative, and that has its own interest.
"500 reasons" means 5 reasons for each of 100 categories, presented in alphabetical order. They don't all work, but I got more than 100 laughs out of the book. There are also many astute comments about buzz words, communication, consultants, creativity, motivators, psychometric testing, public-private partnerships, teams, training courses etc. etc. On the latter, I met a person recently who apparently had been a trainer in an organisation that dealt with unemployed people, who claimed that he could work out who really wanted a job. His method was one of those survival scenarios, where there are right answers. How that related to wanting a job or not, or anything else, totally escaped me, but I suppose he liked it. I would have refused to do the exercise, but I'm like that.
The examples are British; English, essentially, so some examples are culturally relative, and that has its own interest.
July 5, 2019
Very funny, laugh out loud book written by a man who has clearly spent time in an office. Would recommend.
April 24, 2009
i found this so hilarious. it pokes fun at the things we take serious or otherwise in an office environment.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews