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192 pages, Paperback
First published February 28, 2009
Sometimes being exhausted is a wonderful feeling. There is nothing like being mentally, physically, and emotionally picked clean, not to mention unreasonably dehydrated, battered, and sunburnt—and then being allowed to sleep. That is a kind of sleep like not other, and I was ready for it. But the week wasn’t over yet, and I was wary of what might come next. (46)I have an inexplicable love of rescue stories, and also disaster stories. I like reading about climbing and mountains and jobs that I dream of but probably would not, in real life, enjoy very much.
I realized that I was no longer trying to prove to the world that I could do my job. I was just trying to make it through each day without losing myself, hurting anyone, or going insane. The work was amazing, but there was too much of it. I enjoyed talking to the public about route conditions, staffing the high camps, and patrolling routes up the mountain. If someone got hurt on a route, I went there and made it turn out all right, but I only got a full night’s sleep once every two or three nights. I fell asleep climbing, cooking, eating. My hands shook and my eye twitched all the time. I couldn’t recover, and consequently I was not a good partner or friend, and as a further consequence I got left. (91)I read Loewen’s Found not too long ago and got a similar sense of job satisfaction and joy at being outdoors being overridden by pressure to meet standards, external and internal, that fundamentally cannot be met. Even Loewen’s enjoyment of talking to the public as part of her job comes with caveats, as she describes it as a part of her job that was less valued by her supervisors, to the extent that being seen as good at the ‘people stuff’ was tantamount to being seen as bad at the more dramatic, physical stuff.