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The Compassionate Mind
Compassion and particularly compassion towards oneself can have a significant impact on our wellbeing and mental health. Developing our sense of compassion can affect many areas of our lives, in particular our relationships with other people. In this book, Professor Paul Gilbert explores how our minds have developed to survive in dangerous and threatening environments by becoming sensitive and quick to react to perceived threats. This can sometimes lead to problems in how we respond to life's challenges and scientific evidence has demonstrated that compassion towards oneself and others can lead to an increased sense of happiness and wellbeing - particularly valuable when we are feeling stressed. Based on evolutionary research and scientific studies of how the brain processes emotional information, this compassionate approach offers an appealing alternative to the traditional western view of compassion, which sometimes sees it as a sign of weakness and can encourage self-criticism and a hard-nosed drive to achieve.
513 pages, Hardcover
First published March 26, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 134 reviews
November 28, 2011
Start with:
Happiness: Essential Mindfulness Practices by Thich Nhat Hanh
Twelve Steps to a More Compassionate Life by Karen Armstrong
The Empathic Civilization by Jeremy Rifkin
The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky
This book offers a cognitive behavioral therapist's perspective on compassion and exercises to rewire the brain "neurons that fire together wire together" for a happier, kinder, gentler, warmer (less angry and anxious), approach to life. The authorial interjections can be goofy.
Quotes:
"From the very first hours of our lives right through to the last moments, kindness, gentleness, warmth and compassion are the things that can sustain us and help us bear the setbacks, tragedies and suffering that life will rain down on us."
"We are a species that has evolved to thrive on kindness and compassion. The challenge is to recognize the importance of kindness and affection and place them at the center of our relationship with ourselves, with others, and the world."
"We can stimulate patterns in our brains that are self-nourishing, supportive, encouraging and soothing so that in whatever we do to help ourselves, we create in our heads and experience (brain patterns) of warmth, kindness and support as our primary starting position. If we do this, we may find that things will be slightly better for us."
"It's helpful to remind ourselves that many millions of humans are combining all over the world to promote the ethical and compassionate dimensions of life."
Happiness: Essential Mindfulness Practices by Thich Nhat Hanh
Twelve Steps to a More Compassionate Life by Karen Armstrong
The Empathic Civilization by Jeremy Rifkin
The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky
This book offers a cognitive behavioral therapist's perspective on compassion and exercises to rewire the brain "neurons that fire together wire together" for a happier, kinder, gentler, warmer (less angry and anxious), approach to life. The authorial interjections can be goofy.
Quotes:
"From the very first hours of our lives right through to the last moments, kindness, gentleness, warmth and compassion are the things that can sustain us and help us bear the setbacks, tragedies and suffering that life will rain down on us."
"We are a species that has evolved to thrive on kindness and compassion. The challenge is to recognize the importance of kindness and affection and place them at the center of our relationship with ourselves, with others, and the world."
"We can stimulate patterns in our brains that are self-nourishing, supportive, encouraging and soothing so that in whatever we do to help ourselves, we create in our heads and experience (brain patterns) of warmth, kindness and support as our primary starting position. If we do this, we may find that things will be slightly better for us."
"It's helpful to remind ourselves that many millions of humans are combining all over the world to promote the ethical and compassionate dimensions of life."
November 19, 2014
I got about a third of the way through this book and gave up because I'd yet to see anything interesting I didn't already know. Many complex concepts were so simplified and generalised that the overall immpact was misleading - and yet 90% of the writing was fluff: making terrible jokes, stating the obvious ten different ways, wandering off course. I found the writing style patronising and cloying. I'm disappointed that I didn't get as far as the actual useful bit but I'm pretty sure it would have annoyed me just as much, so... meh.
February 26, 2015
I listened to all 24hrs of this book and reckon it could be condensed into about 2!
It has some good facts and interesting theories but it is the most repetitive book I have ever read or listened to.
I completed it only because I have a particular interest in compassion and am doing research on this topic at the moment. I did not really find it very useful as an academic book even though it has lots of references and I know from reading other writers on this topic that it is very well researched and accurate, to the best of my knowledge.
For the casual reader it is much too long and detailed and I think, that no matter what category of reader you are it is painfully repetitive. It was not an enjoyable book to listen too and now that I have finished it I cannot think of any particular new of exciting insights I gained from it.
It does contain worksheets for anyone interested in carrying out compassion exercises but the exercises are scattered throughout the book and it would be difficult to devise a programme as there are so many of them.
The worksheets would be useful for a doctor or therapist who wanted to encourage clients to carry out these exercises.
I am not sure who this book is directed at but it took a bit of stamina and discipline for me to finish it.
It has some good facts and interesting theories but it is the most repetitive book I have ever read or listened to.
I completed it only because I have a particular interest in compassion and am doing research on this topic at the moment. I did not really find it very useful as an academic book even though it has lots of references and I know from reading other writers on this topic that it is very well researched and accurate, to the best of my knowledge.
For the casual reader it is much too long and detailed and I think, that no matter what category of reader you are it is painfully repetitive. It was not an enjoyable book to listen too and now that I have finished it I cannot think of any particular new of exciting insights I gained from it.
It does contain worksheets for anyone interested in carrying out compassion exercises but the exercises are scattered throughout the book and it would be difficult to devise a programme as there are so many of them.
The worksheets would be useful for a doctor or therapist who wanted to encourage clients to carry out these exercises.
I am not sure who this book is directed at but it took a bit of stamina and discipline for me to finish it.
September 27, 2013
My favorite book on compassion. Written with wit, intelligence and humor. I believe Paul Gilbert is one of the most incredible human beings of our time.
December 28, 2012
A really refreshing look at very simple concepts with interwoven complexities, and how we can all seek to better know and understand ourselves.
Whilst he tries to present an objective view of Compassion and our role in embracing it, there are obvious personality/character traits that you pick up as you read - Gilbert is obviously not a fan of 'God' or the constructs of a religious deity; he has a political stance which he leans on a number of times throughout the book. However, neither of these temper the tone or message it carries (that is, if you (the reader) are compassionate enough to see him as a human, not a flawless, perfect being!).
I have been thoroughly engaged throughout, and like the scientific and spiritual aspects to his presentation of facts and assertions. His work is both enlightening and, as I've already mentioned, refreshing, so makes for easy reading whatever your personal, political, professional, spiritual or religious leaning.
Open your mind. Open your heart. Embrace and employ your Compassionate Mind!
Whilst he tries to present an objective view of Compassion and our role in embracing it, there are obvious personality/character traits that you pick up as you read - Gilbert is obviously not a fan of 'God' or the constructs of a religious deity; he has a political stance which he leans on a number of times throughout the book. However, neither of these temper the tone or message it carries (that is, if you (the reader) are compassionate enough to see him as a human, not a flawless, perfect being!).
I have been thoroughly engaged throughout, and like the scientific and spiritual aspects to his presentation of facts and assertions. His work is both enlightening and, as I've already mentioned, refreshing, so makes for easy reading whatever your personal, political, professional, spiritual or religious leaning.
Open your mind. Open your heart. Embrace and employ your Compassionate Mind!
May 24, 2014
I've given this three stars because I found the writing very loose: the book could easily lose a third of its length without sacrificing content, and more without sacrificing the pith. That said, the pith is very good. The first half grounds the argument for compassion in neuroscience and evolutionary psychology; the second half offers practical ways to develop it, with a strong focus on meditation. All good useful stuff and I am sure I will return to this book many times, though perhaps more as a reference book than as something to read right through.
June 15, 2021
My friend saw me reading it and said to me: "you shouldn't be reading this book, your mind is already way too compassionate!". And guess what? I haven't finished it 😆 Not because of what my friend has said, I actually love the principle behind this book (in my opinion there isn't enough compassion and self-compassion in the world, we could do better than we do on that subject), but I seriously dislike the actual writing, this book could've and should've been 1/5 of its size... (2.5*)
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November 25, 2014Recommended by my friend Rev Henry Millan for those of us who "are too hard on ourselves".
The book is a complex and complete explanation of how compassion and the brain work. It's a tough go in the beginning, but the second part, filled with meditations and practical exercises is wonderful.
The book is a complex and complete explanation of how compassion and the brain work. It's a tough go in the beginning, but the second part, filled with meditations and practical exercises is wonderful.
June 21, 2015
This would be my desert island book. Absorbing, vital.
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December 11, 2023Interesting additions of anti-capitalist and evolutionary perspectives to practicing self-compassion.
February 15, 2025
This book is so useful if you want to understand why your brain does certain things. Understanding means accepting which has really helped me to feel more present and less judgmental. 100% recommend.
November 8, 2018
This is one of the most helpful books I’ve ever read. Some of it may not be new to you if you’ve read a bit about self-compassion research or the way our poorly evolved brains cause us trouble. But I still got a lot from how he ties the science and some stories together into what it all means for you (and, at the end of the book, for us as a society).
Yes, it is long, but I treated the reading experience like an occasional digging through the massive tool box (treasure chest, really) of a seasoned therapist, trying out an exercise or two as I went a long and making note of what worked for me.
It’s also very British. While you might be charmed to run into the words “knackered” and “namby-pamby,” some readers may be a little miffed to read such un-American things as, “the idea that ‘you can do anything’ is daft.” LOLZ. There’s no smiley optimism or chicken-soup-for-the-soup type stuff in this. The practical, down-to-earth tone appeals to me. It shows when he confesses things like, “My wife says I’m getting grumpier in my old age, despite my best efforts. Compassion is hard.” Yeah, it is. But thank you, Paul Gilbert, for making it easier for some of us to learn.
Yes, it is long, but I treated the reading experience like an occasional digging through the massive tool box (treasure chest, really) of a seasoned therapist, trying out an exercise or two as I went a long and making note of what worked for me.
It’s also very British. While you might be charmed to run into the words “knackered” and “namby-pamby,” some readers may be a little miffed to read such un-American things as, “the idea that ‘you can do anything’ is daft.” LOLZ. There’s no smiley optimism or chicken-soup-for-the-soup type stuff in this. The practical, down-to-earth tone appeals to me. It shows when he confesses things like, “My wife says I’m getting grumpier in my old age, despite my best efforts. Compassion is hard.” Yeah, it is. But thank you, Paul Gilbert, for making it easier for some of us to learn.
February 12, 2015
Having seen the effects of Compassionate Focus Therapy first-hand, I had to read the book that started it all. Compassion is frequently seen as a mushy mushy touchy feely kind of emotion (I know, scientific jargon, right?), neglecting the fact that to be compassionate takes strength, courage, tolerance and the ability to manage distress. Life frequently cranks up our inner critic to the maximum, making our shame, guilt or anxiety go into overdrive. In these cases the ability to soothe oneself becomes particularly important, even if these emotions make evolutionary sense and serve their own purpose when adequate. Whilst my main experience was of this method being delivered in a psychotherapeutic group setting, I do believe that even just reading this book can be beneficial. Knowing more about emotions and human functioning helps us understand ourselves and others better, and just perhaps it will allow you to start cutting yourself some slack and treating yourself with the same kindness and respect as you would others.
June 29, 2023
A deciding factor in whether to give a five star review is: has this booked changed my outlook on life to a significant degree?
And yes, this one absolutely has!
I have always found myself being a bit dismissive of the idea of compassion, but Gilbert shows just how many problems in mental health are connected with this. People who lack compassion for others tend, on the whole, to not have compassion for themselves, and ultimately, vice versa. The two are deeply connected.
Lack of compassion in early life can have devastating consequences later, but even in adult life compassion is a major factor in dealing with anxiety and depression.
True compassion, Gilbert argues, is not some wishy washy tepidity. Compassion is fierce and requires commitment and discipline. It requires that we communicate clearly and assert ourselves without setting out to put others down.
A long book, and slow, but steady, and radical. Nicely reveals the underlying currents of contemporary life, why we so often feel isolated and unhappy, and what we can do about it.
And yes, this one absolutely has!
I have always found myself being a bit dismissive of the idea of compassion, but Gilbert shows just how many problems in mental health are connected with this. People who lack compassion for others tend, on the whole, to not have compassion for themselves, and ultimately, vice versa. The two are deeply connected.
Lack of compassion in early life can have devastating consequences later, but even in adult life compassion is a major factor in dealing with anxiety and depression.
True compassion, Gilbert argues, is not some wishy washy tepidity. Compassion is fierce and requires commitment and discipline. It requires that we communicate clearly and assert ourselves without setting out to put others down.
A long book, and slow, but steady, and radical. Nicely reveals the underlying currents of contemporary life, why we so often feel isolated and unhappy, and what we can do about it.
April 28, 2012
Such an inspirational book xxx and so true that for many compassion towards one's self is often the hardest compassion to display at all. Paul Gilbert has a humorous and lively writing style which I love. This wise and perceptive book teaches us self-compassion and the consolations of kindness.
Compassionate Mind is a roadmap to compassion for the self and towards others. It is a book for those curious enough to explore their hidden potential to attain a special kind of humanness and happiness.
Highly recommend ++++
Compassionate Mind is a roadmap to compassion for the self and towards others. It is a book for those curious enough to explore their hidden potential to attain a special kind of humanness and happiness.
Highly recommend ++++
May 5, 2017
I admired this book because it balanced a progressive political agenda with the day to day practice of mindfulness. Paul Gilbert doesn't trivialize the challenges of compassion or shy away from discussing true injustices in the world.
March 23, 2019
For the professional and maybe not as much for the patients? At least when working in a psychiatric clinic with severe diagnoses to treat..
April 1, 2024
long non-fiction but rly valuable and interesting if u can get through it
August 21, 2019
Lai kā ar stāstiem un fantāzijām gribētos radīt sev pasauli, kurā zinām, kāpēc esam te, zinām jēgu, mērķi, Paul Gilbert piedāvā, ka tā nav bijusi neviena mūsu izvēle te būt, ka tā nav bijusi neviena mūsu izvēle būt tieši tādiem, kādi esam. Tā nav nedz mūsu vaina, nedz nopelns. Tomēr tā ir mūsu izvēle un iespēja paņemt atbildību un piedzīvot labāko iespējamo sevi, nodzīvot labāko iespējamo dzīvi.
Mūsu smadzenes - tik burvīgas un murgainas vienlaikus. Iemācās baudīt ciešanas, baidās no maiguma, netic, pārprot, dzird domas, "neredz" realitāti. Tomēr ir arī veids, kā līdzēt sev, savai dzīvei un citiem - laipnība un iejūtība.
Praktiski, reālistiski, iejūtīgi.
Mūsu smadzenes - tik burvīgas un murgainas vienlaikus. Iemācās baudīt ciešanas, baidās no maiguma, netic, pārprot, dzird domas, "neredz" realitāti. Tomēr ir arī veids, kā līdzēt sev, savai dzīvei un citiem - laipnība un iejūtība.
Praktiski, reālistiski, iejūtīgi.
June 18, 2020
I found the first part of the book helped me put some of my experiences into a more rational and compassionate perspective. There are a few exercises that could be used by therapists working with clients, to support clients in developing and growing a compassionate part to themselves. Particularly clients who are very critical about themselves and others.
One issue I had with this book is that its repetitive. It repeats the same point and only contributes slightly to the the original argument. I think it could be condensed. But overall it's a good place to start when looking into self-compassion with lots of research to back up it's arguments!
I think Paul Gilbert's book titled compassion focused therapy is better structured and the relevant information is condensed.
One issue I had with this book is that its repetitive. It repeats the same point and only contributes slightly to the the original argument. I think it could be condensed. But overall it's a good place to start when looking into self-compassion with lots of research to back up it's arguments!
I think Paul Gilbert's book titled compassion focused therapy is better structured and the relevant information is condensed.
July 10, 2021
I really didn't like this book! And for me to say that is quite bad because usually I am rather generous with my reviews, however, I just couldn't help but give this book a low rating. I found that it was so repeative, Gilbert made a point or gave a piece of information which are granted good points but then he would repeat that point in every conceivable way you could possibly imagine. I'm positive that the book could be reduced down to about 150ish pages and would still achieve the same goal. I just really found that I hated this book, so much so that the idea to have a more compassionate mind after reading this was not achieved at all. If anything it made me want to be less compassionate just as a protest for having made me read this awful book!
March 6, 2022
A great introduction into what compassion is and how we can put compassion in place in our own lives for ourselves and others benefit. It is written in a way that is easily accessible, although for anyone with prior knowledge of the subject I wonder if it would seem very simplified.
Overall a great read for me and it has given me a lot to take away and find further information on.
Overall a great read for me and it has given me a lot to take away and find further information on.
May 13, 2012
I love the evolutionary approach in this book. I gained a lot of insight into myself and others - highly recommended.
August 29, 2014
I bought this book over a year ago and I'm not sure why it took me so long to read it, but I'm glad I picked it up now - it fits in so well with my current efforts at mindfulness.
February 6, 2023
Praktiška knyga, su daug pratimų pavyzdžių, kaip didinti savo ryšį su savimi, aplinka ir kitais žmonėmis, daugiausia per atjautos ir poreikių patenkinimo prizmę. Pirma dalis apie tai, kodėl to reikia, kodėl tai svarbu, antra, kaip tai padaryti. Daug dalykų ir taip žinomi, ir gal atrodytų ir taip akivaizdūs, bet šioje knygoje man esmingiausia pasirodė pratimai.
Šiaip Gilberto fainiau klausytis gyvai, arba jo paskaitų įrašų, bet knyga yra patogi turėti po ranka.
Labiau rekomenduočiau terapeutams, nei kaip savipagalbos knygą.
Šiaip Gilberto fainiau klausytis gyvai, arba jo paskaitų įrašų, bet knyga yra patogi turėti po ranka.
Labiau rekomenduočiau terapeutams, nei kaip savipagalbos knygą.
April 6, 2021
Un libro muy completo que explica la ciencia detrás de nuestros sistemas de comportamiento (búsqueda/huída/sosiego), y cómo podemos aprender a activar el sistema que nos autocalma en lugar de estresarnos.
April 13, 2024
It's unfortunate that it took me over 15 years to come across this book. Leveraging the ideas (that I have long espoused as well) that our minds and instincts are still evolved to a very tribal, hunter-gatherer life, Gilbert goes into great detail how those thought patterns have served us but are also outdated for our current situation. We have food, shelter and are generally not under threat. But our minds are tuned into this mode of thinking and supported by some of the patterns we are exposed to as children.
Be kind to yourself and accept that your odd, angry, tangental thoughts are ok and the product of your evolution. Acknowledge them, and look to form new patterns through meditation and practice. It isn't useful to surpress or ignore your thoughts, but slowing down and getting into them can be helpful. He leans heavily on eastern religious techniques to both explain and build practices around steering your own thought patterns.
His philosophies at the end around extending compassion outside of our own immediate circle (organisations, society, etc) were well intended but perhaps a bit much and also potentially adding pressure to the individual about very large issues.
Personally I'm finding it much easier to roll with my thinking and practicing more meditative techniques after reading this.
Be kind to yourself and accept that your odd, angry, tangental thoughts are ok and the product of your evolution. Acknowledge them, and look to form new patterns through meditation and practice. It isn't useful to surpress or ignore your thoughts, but slowing down and getting into them can be helpful. He leans heavily on eastern religious techniques to both explain and build practices around steering your own thought patterns.
His philosophies at the end around extending compassion outside of our own immediate circle (organisations, society, etc) were well intended but perhaps a bit much and also potentially adding pressure to the individual about very large issues.
Personally I'm finding it much easier to roll with my thinking and practicing more meditative techniques after reading this.
May 15, 2012
This is a great book to read, which gives insight into 'evolutionary psychology' - ie. why are brains/minds/emotions are so bloody complicated - as we were not designed to function in this era, this modern world, but rather we were adapted from previous models, evolution just added things on, rather than starting from scratch! Ie. we still have the fight/flight system which kicks in in modern in situations where flight or fight is not appropriate. This leads into self compassion, it's about forgiving ourselves for being complex animals and for not being perfect, and understanding what it means to be human. It is a long book, with quite small writing but it is worth it.
It talks about our under developed self soothing system in the west, which is exacerbated if you were not given a lot of this in your early years. It divides systems into three (for the sake of simplicity) Threat system, Drive system, Soothing system... If you stop and take note of your thoughts and emotions, a lot of these fall into Threat or Drive, so the task is to build upon the soothing.
Great book which is good background reading for further books on Self Compassion, especially Kristen Neff's excellent book.
It talks about our under developed self soothing system in the west, which is exacerbated if you were not given a lot of this in your early years. It divides systems into three (for the sake of simplicity) Threat system, Drive system, Soothing system... If you stop and take note of your thoughts and emotions, a lot of these fall into Threat or Drive, so the task is to build upon the soothing.
Great book which is good background reading for further books on Self Compassion, especially Kristen Neff's excellent book.
January 14, 2023
Not bad!
Paul Gilbert has a really passionate view on the need for more compassion in psychological theory and practice. The book brings a foundational understanding about how we ought not be too hard on ourselves due to our evolutionary wiring. We should approach our negative and awkward mental states with warmth and compassion. He has plenty of tips of how to do this.
The book has some drawbacks. Some would say however, he had too many tips. I'm pretty sure this book could be half the length. His philosophical and political takes were hit and miss when he discussed them, sometimes showing his personal bias rather than adding anything useful.
It's worth a read if you want encouraging to be more reflective with a compassionate mindset, but you'd get the picture if you simply read Part One.
It did make me reflect deeper on compassion, and for this I am grateful.
Paul Gilbert has a really passionate view on the need for more compassion in psychological theory and practice. The book brings a foundational understanding about how we ought not be too hard on ourselves due to our evolutionary wiring. We should approach our negative and awkward mental states with warmth and compassion. He has plenty of tips of how to do this.
The book has some drawbacks. Some would say however, he had too many tips. I'm pretty sure this book could be half the length. His philosophical and political takes were hit and miss when he discussed them, sometimes showing his personal bias rather than adding anything useful.
It's worth a read if you want encouraging to be more reflective with a compassionate mindset, but you'd get the picture if you simply read Part One.
It did make me reflect deeper on compassion, and for this I am grateful.
August 9, 2023
The Compassionate Mins by Paul Gilbert
Listened via audible, but now really want the hard copy because there are so many bits I want to highlight.
A beautiful lesson in kindness and compassionate to ourselves and to others how a little bit of compassion goes a very long way.
Any non-psychology staff can also read this, despite it being theory heavy, there are so many great examples and case studies of real life application that would appeal to anyone interested in how to be more compassionate not just to others but most importantly to ourselves.
There are lessons in how to deal with anger and hurt, frustration, trauma, familial relationships, spouses, etc etc. honestly I’m sure there is a story in here that will appeal to literally everyone!
Listened via audible, but now really want the hard copy because there are so many bits I want to highlight.
A beautiful lesson in kindness and compassionate to ourselves and to others how a little bit of compassion goes a very long way.
Any non-psychology staff can also read this, despite it being theory heavy, there are so many great examples and case studies of real life application that would appeal to anyone interested in how to be more compassionate not just to others but most importantly to ourselves.
There are lessons in how to deal with anger and hurt, frustration, trauma, familial relationships, spouses, etc etc. honestly I’m sure there is a story in here that will appeal to literally everyone!
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