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Naming the Child: Hope-Filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death
Hope and healing for those who suddenly find themselves in the most terrible sort of grief
For those who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of a child within the first year, this gentle resource offers:
stories of hope and wisdom; practical advice and guidance, based on the experience of many; comfort and ways to honor and remember.
Naming the Child creates a community of love and support for bereaving parents and siblings, written with a light touch and sensitive spirit.
"When I was nineteen weeks pregnant with my second child, Emma, I had a miscarriage. Its impossible to know ahead of time how such an experience will impact you or your marriage. I recognized many of the challenges I faced in Naming the Child. I can say with confidence that this is an amazing resource."
Amy Wilson
lawyer and mother of three
For those who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of a child within the first year, this gentle resource offers:
stories of hope and wisdom; practical advice and guidance, based on the experience of many; comfort and ways to honor and remember.
Naming the Child creates a community of love and support for bereaving parents and siblings, written with a light touch and sensitive spirit.
"When I was nineteen weeks pregnant with my second child, Emma, I had a miscarriage. Its impossible to know ahead of time how such an experience will impact you or your marriage. I recognized many of the challenges I faced in Naming the Child. I can say with confidence that this is an amazing resource."
Amy Wilson
lawyer and mother of three
- GenresGriefNonfiction
168 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
9 people are currently reading
34 people want to read
About the author
Jenny Schroedel
10 books3 followersMatushka Jenny Schroedel has published essays and book reviews in a variety of magazines, including Books & Culture, Portland Magazine, and First Things. She has a Masters in Theology from St. Vladimir's Seminary. She lives in Hawaii with her husband John, an Orthodox priest, and their two daughters.
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
November 29, 2018
Jenny is a great writer, and she compassionately addresses topics that are essentially taboo.
September 21, 2009
Naming the Child: Hope-filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death.
This is a very well written, powerful yet peaceful book. The grief that comes with losing a child is all around us. Just in my small circle of friends, in only the last few years, I have known those who have experienced every one of the struggles presented in the subtitle... And the loss of a child has happened in my own life.
What I gained most from this book was the ability to glimpse inside other's experiences and see what sorts of support they needed in the midst of crisis. This book is worth the read just for that--because a child dying is such a horrible reality, and yet, knowing what to say, or do, or what NOT to say is an important tool toward helping...
This is a very well written, powerful yet peaceful book. The grief that comes with losing a child is all around us. Just in my small circle of friends, in only the last few years, I have known those who have experienced every one of the struggles presented in the subtitle... And the loss of a child has happened in my own life.
What I gained most from this book was the ability to glimpse inside other's experiences and see what sorts of support they needed in the midst of crisis. This book is worth the read just for that--because a child dying is such a horrible reality, and yet, knowing what to say, or do, or what NOT to say is an important tool toward helping...
February 3, 2021
Written from an Eastern Orthodox perspective, Schroedel reflects on the importance of naming, holding, and establishing a concrete connection with infants who have died or are dying. Rather than pushing grief and evidence of one’s loss away, she emphasizes how crucial it is to the healing process to cherish and love one’s child. Embracing and loving a child tangibly, with all the senses and with full awareness, are the center of this book—stretching out to the rest of the family. The chapter titles are as follows:
1. Naming the Child
2. Pregnancy and Birth
3. Touch
4. Words
5. Care
6. Marriage
7. Signs
8. Intuition
9. The Other Child
10. Anniversaries
The strength of this book is it is a practical guide for how to be with those who are grieving. Schroedel writes from the perspective of a woman who lost an older brother and who has grieved with several friends; however, she herself has not lost a child and depends on the perspectives of those who have. This offers a different sort of clarity and compassion to her book, as she is not detached (as a grieving friend and sister) but she is not so close that she is struggling to process her own grief through the book in the same way a parent would. She describes grieving as similar to laboring over the birth of a child, and as loss of a loved one as amputation—which no one really “gets over.”
Miscarriage is a poignant topic, where she addresses the problems with the laden term itself (the idea of poorly carrying a child, which suggests by the terminology that the mother is at fault) and also points to the beauty of publicly recognizing miscarried children through funerals—which can have a positive ripple effect on a community as more grieving families feel they have permission to mourn publicly and to hold funerals for their tiny children.
As a note, Schroedel sometimes appears to be on the fence about termination/abortion when babies are diagnosed with fatal conditions, although she prefers the practice of early induction. She seems to believe these are the two most realistic options for most families and offers gentle persuasion for families to choose the lesser of the two evils; continuing the pregnancy (as advocated for in A Gift of Time and in many perinatal hospice approaches in general) is not often discussed.
1. Naming the Child
2. Pregnancy and Birth
3. Touch
4. Words
5. Care
6. Marriage
7. Signs
8. Intuition
9. The Other Child
10. Anniversaries
The strength of this book is it is a practical guide for how to be with those who are grieving. Schroedel writes from the perspective of a woman who lost an older brother and who has grieved with several friends; however, she herself has not lost a child and depends on the perspectives of those who have. This offers a different sort of clarity and compassion to her book, as she is not detached (as a grieving friend and sister) but she is not so close that she is struggling to process her own grief through the book in the same way a parent would. She describes grieving as similar to laboring over the birth of a child, and as loss of a loved one as amputation—which no one really “gets over.”
Miscarriage is a poignant topic, where she addresses the problems with the laden term itself (the idea of poorly carrying a child, which suggests by the terminology that the mother is at fault) and also points to the beauty of publicly recognizing miscarried children through funerals—which can have a positive ripple effect on a community as more grieving families feel they have permission to mourn publicly and to hold funerals for their tiny children.
As a note, Schroedel sometimes appears to be on the fence about termination/abortion when babies are diagnosed with fatal conditions, although she prefers the practice of early induction. She seems to believe these are the two most realistic options for most families and offers gentle persuasion for families to choose the lesser of the two evils; continuing the pregnancy (as advocated for in A Gift of Time and in many perinatal hospice approaches in general) is not often discussed.
July 24, 2023
Thoughtful, Comforting Read
As hard as it was to read this being someone who went through a miscarriage 9 months ago, it was necessary. I think it has helped me toward healing and grieving. Thank you, Jenny for writing this.
As hard as it was to read this being someone who went through a miscarriage 9 months ago, it was necessary. I think it has helped me toward healing and grieving. Thank you, Jenny for writing this.
April 24, 2021
mizuko - a child of the waters
July 3, 2024
The most helpful book I’ve read on miscarriage and still birth. Raw, true, and in that, has some real comfort.
October 22, 2015
"In the streets of Japan, you probably won't hear Japanese equivalents for terms like fetus or product of a pregnancy to describe the unborn. Instead you'll hear a gentler term, mizuko, which literally means 'a child of the waters.' This term is also used for miscarried babies, aborted babies, stillborns, or those who died shortly after birth, to express the Japaneses belief that human life emerges slowly, progressively, in the warm waters of the womb. Babies who never have the opportunity to breathe our air return to the liquid state from which they came. The mizuko are not of this world..."
^This brief passage is one of my favorites from "Naming the Child".
This was the first book I read that addressed miscarriage. From that perspective, it was valuable.
However, it also had a few issues. I'd give it 2.5 stars.
The focus of the book was very broad. A miscarriage is vastly different than a stillbirth or a child who dies after several months of death. Dealing with these topics in a single book did not allow any of the individual losses to be addressed adequately. This appears to be a common problem with books about pregnancy loss; it's not a problem unique to this book.
The author had not experienced a miscarriage or pregnancy loss personally. I realize this does not disqualify her from writing a book, but I disliked that she chose to write this type of book, which so heavily draws on stories and personal experience and grief. Instead, she mentions her healthy pregnancies throughout the book, which felt a little jarring when juxtaposed with some of the loses she describes (as well as the loss of perspective readers?).
^This brief passage is one of my favorites from "Naming the Child".
This was the first book I read that addressed miscarriage. From that perspective, it was valuable.
However, it also had a few issues. I'd give it 2.5 stars.
The focus of the book was very broad. A miscarriage is vastly different than a stillbirth or a child who dies after several months of death. Dealing with these topics in a single book did not allow any of the individual losses to be addressed adequately. This appears to be a common problem with books about pregnancy loss; it's not a problem unique to this book.
The author had not experienced a miscarriage or pregnancy loss personally. I realize this does not disqualify her from writing a book, but I disliked that she chose to write this type of book, which so heavily draws on stories and personal experience and grief. Instead, she mentions her healthy pregnancies throughout the book, which felt a little jarring when juxtaposed with some of the loses she describes (as well as the loss of perspective readers?).
November 15, 2011
Did you know that Japanese have a term for babies that never make it to birth? These babies are known as water babies and Japanese mothers create shrines for these children. They remember these babies. As the mother of two such water babies, I loved the idea of remembering my babies and that they actually existed.
This book provides stories of other people who have experienced miscarriages, stillbirth, and infant deaths. This is a book about hope and is written from a Christian perspective. Intermixed with stories is various poems and letters that grieving women have written.
I also appreciated the advice the author provides at the end of each chapter. She provides advice for the grieving parents as well as give advice to other people that are unsure of what to do or say to the grieving parents.
This book provides stories of other people who have experienced miscarriages, stillbirth, and infant deaths. This is a book about hope and is written from a Christian perspective. Intermixed with stories is various poems and letters that grieving women have written.
I also appreciated the advice the author provides at the end of each chapter. She provides advice for the grieving parents as well as give advice to other people that are unsure of what to do or say to the grieving parents.
August 3, 2009
This book has really got me thinking. It is good for anyone to read who has had a baby die in the womb or out. It is also an excellent read for thoes of you who know someone who has. And if you know me then you do. The author give suggestions on how to help someone cope.
Want to read
November 23, 2009As seen on Freakonomics.
May 9, 2013
I read several articles online and things people recommended I read in the days and weeks following my miscarriage and this is by far the best of them.
September 10, 2014
I really related to the stories in this book. I like that it has suggestions for how to help your friends and loved ones that are experiencing the loss of a baby.
March 31, 2013
A helpful book during a difficult time.
June 2, 2013
It didn't talk as much about miscarriages as I thought it would
April 19, 2016
I really needed this. Loved it and it made me feel like I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I do.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews