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Ärevuse nähtamatud ahelad: Kuidas saada kontrolli alla oma ebakindlus, panna pausile ärevus ja lõpuks ometi maha rahuneda
Ärevuse nähtamatud ahelad
Kuidas saada kontrolli alla oma ebakindlus, panna pausile ärevus ja lõpuks ometi maha rahuneda
Me elame äreval ajal ärevas maailmas. Ja see ärevus mõjutab meid viisil, millest me alati teadlikud ei ole. See on nähtamatu pinge, mis koguneb kõrgenenud igapäevastressi tagajärjel ja mida iga stressi- rikas sündmus aina kasvatab. Kõrgenenud ärevus käivitab meis automaatpiloodi ja me hakkame pingelistes olukordades reaktiivselt käituma. Me reageerime, selle asemel et kontroll enda kätte võtta ja maha rahuneda. Kui inimene suudab aga eristada oma mõtteid tunnetest, ei hakka kellegi teise ärevus talle nii kergesti külge. Oskus eristada enda mõtteid ja tundeid teiste inimeste omadest on maharahunemise ja hakkamasaamise jaoks olemuslikult tähtis. Sel viisil eristunud inime- sed suudavad samal ajal olla sõltumatud ja lähedastes suhetes – ja seda isegi pingelistel aegadel. Iga peatükk selles raamatus uurib üht kindlat elu valdkonda, kus ärevus võib probleeme tekitada, ja pakub vastuseid sellele, kuidas eristumist kasvatades oma ärevust vähendada. Me saame valida, kuidas oma ärevust juhtida, ja kui me seda teeme, siis me muudame oma saatust!
Kuidas saada kontrolli alla oma ebakindlus, panna pausile ärevus ja lõpuks ometi maha rahuneda
Me elame äreval ajal ärevas maailmas. Ja see ärevus mõjutab meid viisil, millest me alati teadlikud ei ole. See on nähtamatu pinge, mis koguneb kõrgenenud igapäevastressi tagajärjel ja mida iga stressi- rikas sündmus aina kasvatab. Kõrgenenud ärevus käivitab meis automaatpiloodi ja me hakkame pingelistes olukordades reaktiivselt käituma. Me reageerime, selle asemel et kontroll enda kätte võtta ja maha rahuneda. Kui inimene suudab aga eristada oma mõtteid tunnetest, ei hakka kellegi teise ärevus talle nii kergesti külge. Oskus eristada enda mõtteid ja tundeid teiste inimeste omadest on maharahunemise ja hakkamasaamise jaoks olemuslikult tähtis. Sel viisil eristunud inime- sed suudavad samal ajal olla sõltumatud ja lähedastes suhetes – ja seda isegi pingelistel aegadel. Iga peatükk selles raamatus uurib üht kindlat elu valdkonda, kus ärevus võib probleeme tekitada, ja pakub vastuseid sellele, kuidas eristumist kasvatades oma ärevust vähendada. Me saame valida, kuidas oma ärevust juhtida, ja kui me seda teeme, siis me muudame oma saatust!
264 pages, Paperback
First published December 31, 2019
265 people are currently reading
2847 people want to read
About the author
Kathleen Smith
36 books157 followersDR. KATHLEEN SMITH is a licensed therapist and mental health writer who lives in Washington, DC. She has written for popular publications such as Slate, Salon, New York Magazine, Lifehacker, Bustle, and Counseling Today, among many others. She is an associate faculty member at the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family and hosts the show Family Matters, a production of the University of the District of Columbia.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 218 reviews
October 9, 2019
I wanted to write a book that I could hand to my therapy clients with a complete understanding of how I think about anxiety and what to do about it.
If you've ever had a challenging relationship with a family member, struggled to stay calm in a romantic relationship, dealt with an anxious boss, or felt generally annoyed by people on the Internet, then this book is for you.
I'm proud of this work, and can't wait for people to read it!
If you've ever had a challenging relationship with a family member, struggled to stay calm in a romantic relationship, dealt with an anxious boss, or felt generally annoyed by people on the Internet, then this book is for you.
I'm proud of this work, and can't wait for people to read it!
November 8, 2019
This is probably a helpful book for a very specific set of problems with a rather specific answer for all of them. Basically, the author is a therapist who follows Bowen theory, which says that all of our problems are because of their existence in our relationships. So if you're anxious or stressed or in a terrible marriage or miserable at work, it can all be fixed by being more mature in your relationships in each sphere.
Each section starts out with Smith telling the story of a client who was in a miserable situation, and how she helped them see their part in it and react differently. Then she has you ask yourself questions and talks about healthier ways to manage that kind of relationship. It's good advice, but it kind of seems like the whole thing could be a well written blog post and then you could just go "do the same thing in family/social media/friendship/jobs...".
I personally have had anxiety all of my life, since early childhood when I was badly bullied in school after school (we moved at least once a year and I was tiny, nerdy, shy and dressed funny) and dealt with some pretty serious childhood traumas and then more traumas in adulthood. I can't say that any of the advice in this book really seemed helpful for my personal anxiety. This isn't the book to turn to when you have PTSD from domestic violence, the murder of a family member or multiple sexual assaults, for instance, or can't stop worrying about your child's terrifying health battles.
That said, there is some good advice here for handling interpersonal relationships, especially learning healthier ways to cope with unhealthy people.
I read a temporary digital ARC of this book for purpose of review.
Each section starts out with Smith telling the story of a client who was in a miserable situation, and how she helped them see their part in it and react differently. Then she has you ask yourself questions and talks about healthier ways to manage that kind of relationship. It's good advice, but it kind of seems like the whole thing could be a well written blog post and then you could just go "do the same thing in family/social media/friendship/jobs...".
I personally have had anxiety all of my life, since early childhood when I was badly bullied in school after school (we moved at least once a year and I was tiny, nerdy, shy and dressed funny) and dealt with some pretty serious childhood traumas and then more traumas in adulthood. I can't say that any of the advice in this book really seemed helpful for my personal anxiety. This isn't the book to turn to when you have PTSD from domestic violence, the murder of a family member or multiple sexual assaults, for instance, or can't stop worrying about your child's terrifying health battles.
That said, there is some good advice here for handling interpersonal relationships, especially learning healthier ways to cope with unhealthy people.
I read a temporary digital ARC of this book for purpose of review.
December 20, 2019
I am a big fan of self-help books in general but I am especially drawn to the idea of confronting our own anxieties. In Everything Isn't Terrible, author Kathleen Smith presents an approachable explanation of the Bowen theory of therapy which involves not only looking at ourselves as individuals but also at our relationship systems...
"Because when we feel anxious, we often try to make other people change. We try to calm everyone else down so we can finally relax. But if you can work on managing yourself in these relationships, it’s likely that your family, your workplace, and even the greater world will calm down a little too."
Smith uses this approach in the work she does with her therapy clients and shares valuable examples in her writing regarding this methodology then gives us questions and ways to put these ideas into practice.
I really enjoyed this hands-on approach and how interactive this book felt while reading it. The writing is accessible and also shares things we can implement into our lives in a large variety of relationships and circumstances.
I love the idea that while we cannot always change the circumstances we are in, we can change how we react to them. "By changing yourself, you change the equation."
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Books for an advanced copy. All opinions are my own.
"Because when we feel anxious, we often try to make other people change. We try to calm everyone else down so we can finally relax. But if you can work on managing yourself in these relationships, it’s likely that your family, your workplace, and even the greater world will calm down a little too."
Smith uses this approach in the work she does with her therapy clients and shares valuable examples in her writing regarding this methodology then gives us questions and ways to put these ideas into practice.
I really enjoyed this hands-on approach and how interactive this book felt while reading it. The writing is accessible and also shares things we can implement into our lives in a large variety of relationships and circumstances.
I love the idea that while we cannot always change the circumstances we are in, we can change how we react to them. "By changing yourself, you change the equation."
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Books for an advanced copy. All opinions are my own.
November 20, 2023
I am going to have to refrain from gifting this book to EVERYONE for Christmas this year. It is a GOLD MINE for navigating relationships and specifically families.
Kathleen Smith basically gives you a guide for learning to differentiate. Differentiation focuses on your own "emotional functioning" and the role you play in an "emotional organism" that is a family. She encourages you to observe "predictable relationship patterns we use to manage anxiety." These patterns are usually: 1) Distancing, 2) Over/Under-functioning, or 3) Triangulating (gossiping, venting, asking about someone instead of just talking to the person, using another person as a buffer, etc.).
I love that it's about observing and gives you guidance on how to show emotional maturity without having to change loved ones...which is impossible btw. Immediately after finishing the Libby audiobook, I was grateful I owned a physical copy and went and bought my own audiobook copy as well.
Kathleen Smith basically gives you a guide for learning to differentiate. Differentiation focuses on your own "emotional functioning" and the role you play in an "emotional organism" that is a family. She encourages you to observe "predictable relationship patterns we use to manage anxiety." These patterns are usually: 1) Distancing, 2) Over/Under-functioning, or 3) Triangulating (gossiping, venting, asking about someone instead of just talking to the person, using another person as a buffer, etc.).
I love that it's about observing and gives you guidance on how to show emotional maturity without having to change loved ones...which is impossible btw. Immediately after finishing the Libby audiobook, I was grateful I owned a physical copy and went and bought my own audiobook copy as well.
January 21, 2020
Ενδιαφέρον ανάγνωσμα γύρω από τη διαχείριση του άγχους είτε αυτό προέρχεται από προσωπικές ανασφάλειες, οικογενειακές δομές (οποιαδήποτε οικογένεια με περισσότερα από δύο άτομα είναι δυσλειτουργική - wink, wink!), επαγγελματικές ή ερωτικές σχέσεις.
Όπως όλα τα βιβλία ψυχολογίας, θα ήταν ακόμα πιο χρήσιμα αν μπορούσαμε να δουλέψουμε περισσότερο κάνοντας κτήμα μας (κάποιες από) τις τεχνικές που αναφέρονται.
Όπως όλα τα βιβλία ψυχολογίας, θα ήταν ακόμα πιο χρήσιμα αν μπορούσαμε να δουλέψουμε περισσότερο κάνοντας κτήμα μας (κάποιες από) τις τεχνικές που αναφέρονται.
August 5, 2019
Everything Isn’t Terrible by Dr. Kathleen Smith couldn’t have come at a better time. I am experiencing significant life changes and have been looking for some guidance, and this book helped conquer some of my insecurities and provided concrete, easy-to-understand information and steps to find calmness and let go of anxiety.
I might as well have highlighted the whole book as there were so many wonderful analogies and gems of wisdom on each page.
I was able to get to a place where I noticed that I focus too much on other people and not enough on myself. For me, I identified that focusing on another person is when I try to motivate them, worry about them, guess what they are thinking, and doing things for them they can do for themselves.
You do have to read the book in small bits and reflect and think about what the author presents and the questions she poses to grasp the information fully and incorporate the strategies into your daily life. The examples, information, and exercises have you pulling deep within yourself to expose areas of your life and areas inside yourself that are not working or may cause stress and anxiety.
This is a book where you have to be honest with yourself to do the work and make a change.
Everything Isn't Terrible is a great book to have on your shelf and refer to it often to live a calmer life.
@HachetteBooks @NetGalley
I might as well have highlighted the whole book as there were so many wonderful analogies and gems of wisdom on each page.
I was able to get to a place where I noticed that I focus too much on other people and not enough on myself. For me, I identified that focusing on another person is when I try to motivate them, worry about them, guess what they are thinking, and doing things for them they can do for themselves.
You do have to read the book in small bits and reflect and think about what the author presents and the questions she poses to grasp the information fully and incorporate the strategies into your daily life. The examples, information, and exercises have you pulling deep within yourself to expose areas of your life and areas inside yourself that are not working or may cause stress and anxiety.
This is a book where you have to be honest with yourself to do the work and make a change.
Everything Isn't Terrible is a great book to have on your shelf and refer to it often to live a calmer life.
@HachetteBooks @NetGalley
January 15, 2024
I wanted to try a different approach to a self help book and read one chapter a day to really help me digest the information and think about it a little instead of blowing through the book quickly and not really retaining a lot of it and taking the time to really analyze each chapter.
This had some good insights and I enjoyed the questions at the end of each chapter to really drive home what you just read. It was helpful.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety in my life lately and thought this might help a bit but I really found myself disconnected from the source material. While there were a lot of topics that were touched on, few applied to me and there were quite a lot that didn’t.
I found this was really heavy on the anxiety in relationships for a lot of the chapters and didn’t really jive with what I was thinking.
Overall it was interesting but not really what I was looking for. Will definitely read more self help books the slower way.
This had some good insights and I enjoyed the questions at the end of each chapter to really drive home what you just read. It was helpful.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety in my life lately and thought this might help a bit but I really found myself disconnected from the source material. While there were a lot of topics that were touched on, few applied to me and there were quite a lot that didn’t.
I found this was really heavy on the anxiety in relationships for a lot of the chapters and didn’t really jive with what I was thinking.
Overall it was interesting but not really what I was looking for. Will definitely read more self help books the slower way.
January 1, 2020
Everything Isn’t Terrible: Conquer Your Insecurities, Interrupt Your Anxiety, and Finally Calm Down is written by marriage and family therapist Dr. Kathleen Smith and draws on Bowen theory. This is a theory of human behaviour that sees anxiety as being rooted in social relationships, and thus work on social relationships must be done to improve anxiety.
The book is divided into four sections: the anxious self, anxious relationships, anxious career, and anxious world (which includes social media and politics/religion). Anxiety is described in an emotional sense, and the book doesn’t specifically address anxiety disorders.
Each chapter is based on an example of a client she has worked with. At the end of each chapter, there are questions to ask yourself to go through the steps of observe, evaluate, and interrupt, as well as things to practice
The book begins with background information on Bowen theory, including the existence of a true self and a pseudo-self that’s susceptible to relationship pressures. “Under-developed beliefs” are susceptible to influence by others, and to work past this the therapy involves developing guiding principles on which to base one’s actions.
Differentiation of oneself (including our own thoughts and feelings) from others is a major theme throughout the book. Greater differentiation is equated with greater maturity. The author also observes that people who are more differentiated tend to have more and deeper friendships.
The author outlines a number of strategies that families tend to use: distance, conflict arising from emotional reactivity, triangles, over-functioning roles (parenting one’s own parents), and under-functioning roles (helpless child).
Bowen theory is a type of family systems theory, so that can probably give you some idea of the lens the author uses in this book. One of the fundamental concepts is that how we behave within our family predicts how we’ll behave in social groups, and to fully address issues in other relationships we have to look to our family relationships first. Community is described as the cake rather than the icing, and feeling settled and calm would be unlikely without having community.
This doesn’t overlap all that well with my own worldview, but I thought everything was explained well and it represented a novel way of looking at things. I liked the idea of taking an astronaut’s view rather than a ground view. This was framed as a way to help us calm down and handle situations more maturely, and while on the face of it that does sound a bit condescending, it wasn’t presented that way in the book.
What did provoke some internal grumblies for me was when the author minimized the number of bad bosses out there, saying most bosses are imperfect and anxious just like anyone else. While that may be true, it sounds like it comes from the privileged position of not having had to deal with stigma, bullying, and cruelty in the workplace.
There were also a few comments here and there that weren’t all that significant but left me wondering, huh? She wrote that while cutting off and staying off of social media might work for a monk or ferry boat captain, most of us will need to be online. It’s minor but it was just one of a few things that left me thinking that the author and I don’t look at the world in quite the same way.
I think this book would be a good read for people who can relate to the idea of poor differentiation. Probably a big part of why I didn’t really relate to the book is that, whatever my other issues might be, I’m well-differentiated from my family. If I wasn’t, I think the book would have been a lot more relevant.
The book is divided into four sections: the anxious self, anxious relationships, anxious career, and anxious world (which includes social media and politics/religion). Anxiety is described in an emotional sense, and the book doesn’t specifically address anxiety disorders.
Each chapter is based on an example of a client she has worked with. At the end of each chapter, there are questions to ask yourself to go through the steps of observe, evaluate, and interrupt, as well as things to practice
The book begins with background information on Bowen theory, including the existence of a true self and a pseudo-self that’s susceptible to relationship pressures. “Under-developed beliefs” are susceptible to influence by others, and to work past this the therapy involves developing guiding principles on which to base one’s actions.
Differentiation of oneself (including our own thoughts and feelings) from others is a major theme throughout the book. Greater differentiation is equated with greater maturity. The author also observes that people who are more differentiated tend to have more and deeper friendships.
The author outlines a number of strategies that families tend to use: distance, conflict arising from emotional reactivity, triangles, over-functioning roles (parenting one’s own parents), and under-functioning roles (helpless child).
Bowen theory is a type of family systems theory, so that can probably give you some idea of the lens the author uses in this book. One of the fundamental concepts is that how we behave within our family predicts how we’ll behave in social groups, and to fully address issues in other relationships we have to look to our family relationships first. Community is described as the cake rather than the icing, and feeling settled and calm would be unlikely without having community.
This doesn’t overlap all that well with my own worldview, but I thought everything was explained well and it represented a novel way of looking at things. I liked the idea of taking an astronaut’s view rather than a ground view. This was framed as a way to help us calm down and handle situations more maturely, and while on the face of it that does sound a bit condescending, it wasn’t presented that way in the book.
What did provoke some internal grumblies for me was when the author minimized the number of bad bosses out there, saying most bosses are imperfect and anxious just like anyone else. While that may be true, it sounds like it comes from the privileged position of not having had to deal with stigma, bullying, and cruelty in the workplace.
There were also a few comments here and there that weren’t all that significant but left me wondering, huh? She wrote that while cutting off and staying off of social media might work for a monk or ferry boat captain, most of us will need to be online. It’s minor but it was just one of a few things that left me thinking that the author and I don’t look at the world in quite the same way.
I think this book would be a good read for people who can relate to the idea of poor differentiation. Probably a big part of why I didn’t really relate to the book is that, whatever my other issues might be, I’m well-differentiated from my family. If I wasn’t, I think the book would have been a lot more relevant.
November 3, 2022
Not usually my cup of tea, but I really really enjoyed this!!
August 2, 2023
This isn't a book I probably would have chosen for myself but I agreed to read it as part of a book group and ended up really enjoying it. There were some chapters that didn't really jive with me and some that really did. I wish a few of the terms thrown about had been more explained but a few Google searches were all that were needed. This is a book that I think a lot of people could benefit from reading. And luckily, it's insanely short.
December 31, 2019
Too vague and no real substance!
November 6, 2023
Here’s the thing about self help books—sometimes it just doesn’t click for you personally. But when it DOES? 💫 This one WORKED for me. If you’re an anxious person (specifically around relationships aka I’m convinced everyone actually hates me all the time) this might resonate with you too.
The TLDR is exactly what Stephen Covey places as highly effective habit #1 - be proactive. Own your self and only your self. The way she explained this in terms of relationships just clicked for me and I’m already using it hour by hour to manage my anxiety. Definitely going to reread and refresh with this one.
The TLDR is exactly what Stephen Covey places as highly effective habit #1 - be proactive. Own your self and only your self. The way she explained this in terms of relationships just clicked for me and I’m already using it hour by hour to manage my anxiety. Definitely going to reread and refresh with this one.
May 18, 2022
I'll be listening to this again. While I'm sure it's not rocket science for many people, it delivers things in a clear, concise, and empathetic way. It's going to help reshape a lot of my relationships and the way I approach people and things in this world. I'm pretty fucking excited.
It's also a 5.5 hour audiobook, which is absolutely easy to fit into almost anyone's schedule.
It's also a 5.5 hour audiobook, which is absolutely easy to fit into almost anyone's schedule.
April 11, 2025
Tüütuseni vahtu löödud eneseabiraamat ainult ühest sõnumist: “ole sina ise ja hooli vähem sellest, mida teised tunnevad”. Ümmargune jutt, konkreetsusest jääb kogu aeg puudu. Need kümned lood stiilis “Bob oli edukas kontoriametnik” pole kunagi usutavad ja mõjuvad imalalt.
October 12, 2024
Järjekordne raamat nimekirjast, mille oma terapeudilt sain.
Alles selle raamatu lugemise ajal sain aru, kui paljusid otsiseid ja liigutusi oma elus teen sellepärast, et olen ärev. Samuti õpetas loetu rohkem märkama, kui ärevad on teised inimesed mu ümber ning kui palju kõik ärevusest tulenevalt reageerime, mitte ei esita oma seisukohti, ega tee teadlikke otsuseid.
Pikemalt kirjutan blogis: https://midaheliluges.blogspot.com/20...
Alles selle raamatu lugemise ajal sain aru, kui paljusid otsiseid ja liigutusi oma elus teen sellepärast, et olen ärev. Samuti õpetas loetu rohkem märkama, kui ärevad on teised inimesed mu ümber ning kui palju kõik ärevusest tulenevalt reageerime, mitte ei esita oma seisukohti, ega tee teadlikke otsuseid.
Pikemalt kirjutan blogis: https://midaheliluges.blogspot.com/20...
May 2, 2021
Started out a little self righteous about the examples and feeling "above" this book. In reality it was very thought provoking and something I would like to work through in physical form. If you start this book I recommend you push through the first chapter, it gets much better and more applicable after that. There are great questions that help you reveal the "why" behind your own behaviors and help take steps toward healthier relationships and decisions.
August 11, 2021
This book is an excellent and helpful resource for anybody with problems. Yep, it's that general! I opened this book thinking it would be a book about anxiety, and it is, to a certain extent...but it's not about Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It's more universal than that (although a pretty big chunk of the population has GAD, unfortunately) so can help a wider variety of people.
Basically, the book is about the Bowen method of approaching anxious problems. The Bowen method focuses on how you interact with other people. I'd never heard of this before, and it was quite interesting to learn about! Kathleen Smith does a great job presenting the ideas in an organized and easy-to-understand fashion. The book is split into 4 sections about your anxious self, family, career, and world. The one about self and family were the most insightful to me. But maybe that's because I'm a college student and haven't really tackled the whole "career" business yet. We'll see in a couple years, I guess.
Anyway, this book offered me a new way of looking at things and was written in an engaging, friendly, and nonjudgmental way. I highly recommend it for anybody who feels like the world is a little too big, scary, and/or overwhelming.
*Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review! I will be reading Kathleen Smith's other books soon!*
Basically, the book is about the Bowen method of approaching anxious problems. The Bowen method focuses on how you interact with other people. I'd never heard of this before, and it was quite interesting to learn about! Kathleen Smith does a great job presenting the ideas in an organized and easy-to-understand fashion. The book is split into 4 sections about your anxious self, family, career, and world. The one about self and family were the most insightful to me. But maybe that's because I'm a college student and haven't really tackled the whole "career" business yet. We'll see in a couple years, I guess.
Anyway, this book offered me a new way of looking at things and was written in an engaging, friendly, and nonjudgmental way. I highly recommend it for anybody who feels like the world is a little too big, scary, and/or overwhelming.
*Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review! I will be reading Kathleen Smith's other books soon!*
January 3, 2023
An amazing, sometimes amusing, must read book for anyone who struggles even the slightest bit with anxiety or finding peace in themselves.
I was dealing with about 983 things on New Year's Eve when I started listening and just wanted something helpful, but not serious, super instructive, or traditionally educational. This book didn't disappoint.
In addition to practical suggestions, given in lighthearted, fun stories and snippets, there are real life examples, also mixed with humor.
Overall, the book helped me accomplish my goal which was to change my mindset and remember that at least some of the 983 things that seemed so serious and heavy to carry in the moment, soon, would improve. Or something would happen to remind me to smile, laugh, or be grateful in the moment, instead of letting myself be unnecessarily overwhelmed.
I needed that reminder that so much of my stress centered around temporary situations or issues, but I was letting myself lose focus and drown, again, unnecessarily, in chaos.
I would recommend this book to anyone who has even the slightest tendency to stress themselves out over things that often end up not mattering as much later, and especially people who put too much pressure on themselves in all sorts of situations. It's helpful, but fun, and the audio version is engaging, so it helped me even before I realized it.
I was dealing with about 983 things on New Year's Eve when I started listening and just wanted something helpful, but not serious, super instructive, or traditionally educational. This book didn't disappoint.
In addition to practical suggestions, given in lighthearted, fun stories and snippets, there are real life examples, also mixed with humor.
Overall, the book helped me accomplish my goal which was to change my mindset and remember that at least some of the 983 things that seemed so serious and heavy to carry in the moment, soon, would improve. Or something would happen to remind me to smile, laugh, or be grateful in the moment, instead of letting myself be unnecessarily overwhelmed.
I needed that reminder that so much of my stress centered around temporary situations or issues, but I was letting myself lose focus and drown, again, unnecessarily, in chaos.
I would recommend this book to anyone who has even the slightest tendency to stress themselves out over things that often end up not mattering as much later, and especially people who put too much pressure on themselves in all sorts of situations. It's helpful, but fun, and the audio version is engaging, so it helped me even before I realized it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 9, 2020
A super practical and *fun* read. Kathleen Smith is both really funny and an extremely calming influence. The book is centered on anxiety in different parts of your life (career, relationships, social media/what's going on in the world) and uses case study examples and exercises to help demonstrate the ideas.
When I started reading this book, I thought I was doing it to help my daughter, who struggles with anxiety. As I read, I realized *I* needed this book just as much as she does. Anxiety doesn't necessarily look the way we think, but it affects the way we make decisions, our behavior and myriad other parts of our lives.
This is a book I'll turn to again and again!
When I started reading this book, I thought I was doing it to help my daughter, who struggles with anxiety. As I read, I realized *I* needed this book just as much as she does. Anxiety doesn't necessarily look the way we think, but it affects the way we make decisions, our behavior and myriad other parts of our lives.
This is a book I'll turn to again and again!
August 29, 2023
DNF. This book has some nice insights into dr. Bowen’s theory, which I will check out. Other than that it’s a very dated and a very American book. Hard to relate too, many of the clients the author described felt extremely privileged and dealing with unrelatable problems. Not what I expected at all. A pity, really.
August 7, 2019
Everything Isn't Terrible is a interesting and informative book. It has some great advice and techniques for dealing with anxiety. I would but this book for people I know.
September 4, 2019
Great book for processing/handling your anxiety. Longer review to come.
Thanks to NetGalley and Hachette Books for providing this ARC.
Thanks to NetGalley and Hachette Books for providing this ARC.
September 17, 2021
Murray Bowen for dummies, a good enough read.
December 31, 2019
3.5 stars
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When life gets crazy and stressful, I find myself needing some time to just take a breath and calm down. This little book has a good mix of practical ways to help feel less anxious and insecure. There are chapters devoted to family, friends, relationships, work, and even social media. As someone who has struggled with anxiety for much of my life, I appreciated that the author made this book accessible and humorous. There are practical ideas and methods in the book to confront anxiety. I learned a few things about myself while reading this book. I learned that I need to work on managing myself in stressful situations rather than trying to change people and emotions within a certain situation.
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This book is available on December 31st, just in time for a new decade. If you read this book, you may just find some ways to implement the ideas that are discussed in the book for a little bit less anxiety in your life. I can’t change the world. But I can work on how I react to things in my world.
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Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Books for my copy. All opinions are my own.
.
When life gets crazy and stressful, I find myself needing some time to just take a breath and calm down. This little book has a good mix of practical ways to help feel less anxious and insecure. There are chapters devoted to family, friends, relationships, work, and even social media. As someone who has struggled with anxiety for much of my life, I appreciated that the author made this book accessible and humorous. There are practical ideas and methods in the book to confront anxiety. I learned a few things about myself while reading this book. I learned that I need to work on managing myself in stressful situations rather than trying to change people and emotions within a certain situation.
.
This book is available on December 31st, just in time for a new decade. If you read this book, you may just find some ways to implement the ideas that are discussed in the book for a little bit less anxiety in your life. I can’t change the world. But I can work on how I react to things in my world.
.
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Books for my copy. All opinions are my own.
February 3, 2025
The book was recommended by a therapist I was seeing, who in my opinion, wasn't very good (my judgement) but I think this book is super helpful. The main focus is to figure out your own values, identify how you show up in all areas of your life, and what you use to calm down (we all have our methods, helpful or unhelpful). I've found myself adopting some ideas and using it with my own clients. It gives tangible ways to practice some of these ideas at the end of each chapter, which is nice. Definitely recommend this book, if you struggle with any kind of anxiety, in any area of your life!
September 7, 2024
Disrespectful in how much this book called me out, but I needed to hear it! While some things I may still not agree with 10000%, for the most part, this book is perfect for all my other people pleasing girlies who also need to realize how much anxiety you have for things that aren’t even a reflection of yourself! I was already able to shut my mind off in a middle of the night overthinking insomnia attack using her methodology and that’s worth 4 starts for me! 🫶💗
May 9, 2025
Practical, great real life examples, is actively helping me survive a hard season.
This is maybe the best book about boundaries and managing anxiety that I’ve ever read. It’s so good, has “homework” with each chapter and is super practical. If you’ve read Let Them and are looking for practical tools to calm your anxiety and actually “Let Them”, this is it.
Bowen Theory for the win!
This is maybe the best book about boundaries and managing anxiety that I’ve ever read. It’s so good, has “homework” with each chapter and is super practical. If you’ve read Let Them and are looking for practical tools to calm your anxiety and actually “Let Them”, this is it.
Bowen Theory for the win!
January 9, 2020
I really enjoyed this book and plan to reread and reference it in the future. It was a bit of a growing edge for me to think of anxiety from a family systems prospective but it made me want to learn more about Bowen theory. Even if you aren't a therapist or interested in theories, this book was very accessible and had great applications to daily life. I was already a fan and subscriber to Kathleen's newsletter and this book solidified that.
February 23, 2020
We’re all gonna calm down stat
January 13, 2021
"Bycie człowiekiem wiąże się z dziedziczeniem życia wypełnionego udrękami. Mamy tak małą kontrolę nad tak wieloma wydarzeniami w naszym życiu."
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