First Things First: The Rules of Being a Warner

by Kurt Warner, Brenda Warner, Jennifer Schuchmann (Primary Contributor)

Kurt Warner is the two-time NFL MVP–winning quarterback of the Arizona Cardinals. Brenda Warner is an ex-Marine turned stay-at-home mom who collects coats for low-income kids and rocks babies to sleep at a hospital for chronically-ill infants. Together they’re the parents of seven, going into their 12th year of marriage, and founders of a foundation that helps disadvantaged children and families. Their formula for success? They put First Things First —family, faith, and giving to others—it’s their family motto, and it drives everything they do. First Things First is an honest, insightful, and entertaining look at life inside the Warner household. Kurt and Brenda speak candidly about their marriage, the values they are working to instill in their kids, things they’ve done right, mistakes they’ve made, the importance of giving back, and the legacy they hope to leave behind. Includes a 16-page full-color photo insert.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Biography, Sports, Parenting, Memoir, Family

304 pages, Hardcover

First published June 19, 2009

Reviews

[Eric Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

An easy read, heartfelt, and full of practical wisdom. It jumps around chronologically and isn't always clear, but I loved the honesty of Kurt and Brenda.

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really didn't know much about the Warners, but I enjoyed this book. They seem to be a straightforward Christian family with lots of practical suggestions for family life. The personal story of their background and marriage is compelling. Being an NFL family has many challenges and what makes this family unique is how they've stayed grounded despite the fame and fortune.

Their family rules include family dinner every night, sharing the best part of their day at dinner, always paying for another family's meal when they are at a restaurant, having to spend time with a family member you are not getting along with, giving back to others in many ways that relate to their personal experiences, and putting their family members first when making choices regarding time investment.

I particularly enjoyed the morning statement quoted by each family member headed off to school: "I'm the head and not the tail. I'm above and not below. I will find favor with man and God. I was created in the image of God to do good things and to love people."

Self worth and self sacrifice all rolled into one mission statement, that is what the Warner family strives to represent.

[Julie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not quite sure why I picked this up at the library but after reading this, I wish I hadn't. I guess if you're a Christian you'd find more in here that is of interest, but even skipping over the Jesus stuff all I came away with is the impression of Kurt Warner's wife Brenda is a very insecure woman. There is constant harping about how she doesn't trust her husband and feels threatened by other women because her first husband cheated on her. Yet, there's nothing about the man (first husband) and how he basically destroyed her eldest son's life by dropping him on his head, causing severe brain damage, blindness and other physical disabilities. That had to be some "drop" to cause that kind of damage. She's easily able to forgive him for that but can't for cheating? That's just plain sick. I also didn't like how she constantly harped about how much she hates people asking her husband for autographs when they are out in public. She certainly likes the perks of the celebrity life but autographs are part of package if you're a public figure. To me, the book was mostly Brenda and not so much Kurt.

[Lesa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was interesting to hear their backstory and the ways the Warner’s structured their family life to make it work out for them. I lived in St. Louis when Kurt was quarterback and appreciated “the greatest show on turf” - such talent d players.

[Leroy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read if you want to know more about Kurt or want great live living skills. From a normal every day person stocking selves in HyVee in Iowas, to a weathly man who tithed 4.6 million when he signed with the St. Louis Rams. Wife was a Marine with 7 kids and how they live today. God is a good God! To God be the glory

[Kelly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Somewhat interesting, but didn't like the "Christian Lite" feel or the repeated references to their do-gooding. It seemed...I don't know...self-tooting? I think they are a really good family and I'm glad that there are families like them in the world who are willing to raise a passel of kids with solid family values. I didn't like hearing about the busyness of being a mom from a woman who has both a full-time nanny and house-cleaners. I got the book hoping it would be about the challenges and joys of raising seven children.
I did get reminded of some things that are important in marriage and family - couple time and family time.

It was a quick read but didn't really do anything for me.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok, I'll admit that I had never heard of Kurt Warner when I saw this book at the library. I just thought it was a book about a couple who have seven kids and are trying to raise them to love Jesus. (And that really is what the book is about.) It wasn't until I started reading that I found out Kurt Warner is a pro football player. The book is interesting and has some good ideas for building character in kids. I like how the husband and wife each give their viewpoint on the same topics.

[Andrea · Rating 1 out of 5]

Full disclosure: I had previously read Brenda Warners book and really didn't like it. I was hoping with Kurts input and a broader view on marriage and parenting that I would enjoy it more. I REALLY didn't.
In my opinion their relationship seems so so unhealthy. She is obviously a good person and does great things but she is so intensely dislikable. The way that she takes her insecurities out on her marriage is sad. At one point she says maybe she should see a therapist. I would recommend yesterday. At another point she says to Kurt "You don't know what it feels like to be cheated on when you're pregnant." He wasn't saying he did and he can't. Also he isn't the one who cheated on her. Trauma is most definitely not her fault but it is her responsibility to do the work needed not to take her trauma out on those around her.
Also, I find it baffling and sad that she believes that God's plan changed when Zack was dropped. I just don't think that he was "dropped". Mostly though God new this plan before Zack was ever born. It was not changed or a surprise to him. God knew exactly what his life was going to be like start to finish before he took a breath.
And finally helping a child figure out where his teacher lives is weird. If you can't get information by asking someone maybe it is just none of your business. That seemed so weird to me.
I could go on and on. This book just baffled me with how unhealthy boundaries were in numerous ways. Of course there were a couple good things in there. Not enough to recommend it to anyone.

[Cole Cousineau · Rating 4 out of 5]

Growing up with the Warner family feeding into my old high school is not only an honor but a blessing. This family does absolutely everything they can to not only help out their community, but they are a very charitable family as well. Learning about how and NFL family operates was very interesting to me for some reason. It's just one of those things where you ponder upon what its like to be an NFL star. However, I do understand that they are a hardcore Christian family, i believe it was expressed a little too often as well as had some repetition in how sentences nd paragraphs were structured throughout the book, but you also have to understand and take into account that Kurt Warner is not a best-selling author, just more of a leisurely author.

[Kelli · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm the target audience for this book, a Christian, Cardinals fan, parent raising children at home. I should have loved this book, but I didn't and there is one simple reason; Brenda Warner has trust issues that color every single thing she does. She needs therapy to get over ways she was hurt long ago so that she can stop hurting her own family and relationships because of the extreme control she requires to feel safe.

Kurt Warner is not the one who hurt Brenda, but he has spent their entire relationship restructuring his own wants and needs to cater to his wife's neurosis.

There were a few pieces of advice in this book worth taking (family time should be sacred and protected), but mostly it's completely skippable.

[Lauren Sapp · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed First Things First by Kurt and Brenda Warner. What I loved most was hearing both of their perspectives—Kurt’s view and then Brenda’s—which gives the book such depth and balance. Their candor and willingness to share the ins and outs of their journey, their family, and even their struggles makes this such a genuine and refreshing read.

They truly are an inspiring couple, not only as husband and wife but also as parents. I especially appreciated the family rules they share throughout the book—and even more, the fact that they explain the “why” behind those rules. That made it both practical and meaningful.

A heartfelt, uplifting book that offers wisdom, encouragement, and a real look into a family that puts faith and love first.

[LAMONT D · Rating 5 out of 5]

I AM A BIG SPORTS FAN AND A FAN OF KURT WARNER AND HIS STORY. I ENJOYED THE FIRST PART WHERE THEY SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT ON HOW THEY MET AND HOW THEIR RELATIONSHIP STARTED. I ENJOYED THE VIEWPOINTS THAT YOU GET FROM KURT AND BRENDA ON THE VARIOUS TOPICS INCLUDING HOW TO DEAL WITH FAMILY ISSUES, A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD AND BEING FAMOUS AND IN THE EYE OF THE PUBLIC. THIS BOOK COMES OFF VERY AUTHENTIC AND IS AN INSPIRATION. THEY READILY AGREE THEY DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS BUT WHAT THEY WRITE ABOUT ARE THE RULES THEY TRY TO LIVE BY EACH AND EVERY DAY.

[Linn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kurt and Brenda Warner share about raising their 7 kids and how they are intentional in teaching them about life and God. They are honest and open. It was a worthwhile read even as someone who doesn't have kids. The perspectives they have on relationships and values are things we all can relate to and consider.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted to learn more about one of my favorite NFL players and I'm the process got inspired. Once I realized it was a book about parenting, I almost stopped listening (audio). I'm glad I continued. I found some golden nuggets in there, even ones to consider when parenting teens.

[fc7reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

After seeing American Underdog, I was curious how much license Hollywood took with the Warners' story. I was a little surprised by how close the details are. I like that this memoir contains perspectives from both Warners.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

NF- Memoir

[Joan Arning · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed learning about life at home with the Warners and their seven children!

[Ben Murphy · Rating 2 out of 5]

A perfect goodwill book. Never something I would pick up at a bookstore, but worth the $2.50 gamble👍🏼

[Jenny Kinser · Rating 4 out of 5]

This week was a quick, easy, enjoyable read.

[Scott Goodwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great read for those who love sports, success stories and seeing the underdog rise from the ashes! Kurt Warner's love of God, family and football is greatly depicted in this book, as well as the movie that followed.

[JD' · Rating 1 out of 5]

If Kurt wrote this whole book... I would give it 3 or 4 stars.

[Mary Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

He’s an NFL star, which is probably one of the only reasons I downloaded this book when Amazon offered it for free for the Kindle. To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect when I started reading this book and by the time I finished it, I was left in a sort of limbo. On one hand, I feel like I learned valuable lessons that I actually try to execute now (such as always looking a restaurant server in the eye while speaking rather than talking to him or her as an afterthought); on the other hand, there was much I truly didn’t care about.

FIRST THINGS FIRST is a joint book from Kurt Warner (best known for his Superbowl stint with the Arizona Cardinals) and his wife, Brenda about their marriage, their children, and their life. The chapters go back and forth, first from one point of view then to the next then back and forth and so on. It doesn’t always work. Often times, the same thing is being said which means a good portion of the book is repetitive and therefore annoying. I found the chapters from Brenda filled with more extra anecdotes that I didn’t really care for or that I found extra bothersome – there are only so many ways to express distaste for fans who walk up to Kurt and ask for a picture or an autograph. While I understand that the act itself could be quite annoying, hearing it over and over again throughout the chapters becomes grating.

There are some good life lessons though, many of which were printed in the New York Times, a list of rules the Warner children follow, including the aforementioned paying attention to the restaurant server. The children have to be able to tell their parents what color eyes their server had. It’s those little things that made this book a good one.

I think FIRST THINGS FIRST is a great book to read for the lessons given. I’d recommend it to new parents or even established families who aren’t sure what to do next. I just wish there was an abridged version because I don’t really care to know about how sexy they find each other. It’s almost like hearing that from your parents.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book spun off of a New York Times article in which the Warner children listed off some rules their family lives by. The Warner's received so many inquiries about these and this book is the result. Living in Arizona, I've watched Kurt Warner play football and seen and heard about his actions off the field. He's always seemed like a pretty down-to-earth guy and this book reinforces that image in my mind. He and Brenda candidly share about their life together, from how they met, to how they live in the limelight while trying to give their kids a normal life. Each chapter is written first by Kurt then by Brenda--a format I really enjoyed because both of their personalities came out in the writing. They share their struggles and things they disagree on and how they handle those conflicts. This is not a "you should do what we do" book, but rather them sharing how they've made marriage and family work for them (during all his years in the NFL). They say a few times that they hope their readers will find something that works for them among their rules. It's all about taking what may work for your family and leaving the rest behind.

[Kristi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t know much about Kurt and Brenda Warner before picking up this book. I admired their candidness about their family, marriage and faith. I love reading about large families and how they work hard to forge a strong, lasting bond. My husband and I are raising four children and implement many of the same family rules as the Warner clan. I picked up a few more from this book that I’d like to try as well.

I thought Kurt’s story perspective came across as completely genuine, humble and caring, while Brenda’s was a big harsher and at times seemed almost a bit selfish, although I feel that probably isn’t representative of her intent and heart. I liked her spunkiness and can relate to her. I liked how they have created a marriage that complements their individual strengths and overlooks their individual weaknesses. They are a team as marriage should be. I loved their commitment to one another, God and family. Their efforts through their charitable foundation are beautiful and their calling to serve others is loud and clear. I’m thankful they gave us an honest, open look into their lives. Not many families would let you see the good, the bad and the ugly!

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've had this book in my "to read" shelf for two years since I received one of those forwarded emails about how Kurt Warner,quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals, met his wife, Brenda. Bailey needed a non-fiction book to read for AP English and we downloaded this one on the Kindle. If she can read it in two days, it can't be all that bad. She hates to read. So I read it too. It turns out the email version of how they met isn't exactly true, but he is a stand-up guy. You have to admire a guy who is 21, starts dating a 26 year old divorced mother of a two year-old handicapped son and an eight month old daughter. Each chapter is told by each of them about how they raise their 7 children and keep their marriage strong.

[19notalb · Rating 3 out of 5]

First Things First by Kurt and Brenda Warner with Schumman

This book covers the career of him being a football player. The main characters in this book are Kurt and Brenda Warner. Kurt and Brenda influenced each other. This book is about their lives and what they did. Three exciting events are the bar where they met, Zack getting his dream to come true, and when they got married. There were parts where it made me bored and wanted to stop reading like when it talked about their love life and when it talked about their personal and family rules. It talked about family rules like when their children couldn't get along so they hat to hold hands for 5 minutes. I would recommend this to people who like sports books.

[Kyle McGinty]

I liked the book in all fairness. It talks about family,football and becoming a parent. I liked that Kurt was just loving life and how he meet Brenda was just amazing. I liked that it talked about his life and then her life and basically add the kids in the middle. I think it was a daring move when it came to explain what she said and what he said in the same chapter to make you retain both info and try to move on in the story.

Kurt really takes you to reality on how he has failed and how he has risen to be one of the best quarterbacks of our time. He talks about to become a man and how to become a father and to be a player and a dad at the same time. The book was really good and I would recommend it to anyone who loves family and football at the same time.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a football fanatic, I have known who Kurt Warner is and have followed his career since his time with the Rams. VERY interesting book (Very little about football, mostly the family and charity work) and I love their family dynamics discussed in the book. Over the years I have read stories about what a good man he is, but I had no idea he is so involved in charity work with his own foundation, First Things First -- www.kurtwarner.org. Worth looking at what he and his family do for others -- too bad we don't hear more about good celebrity athletes like him instead of the "bad boys." Hats off to the Warners!

[Ali · Rating 3 out of 5]

My brother-in-law is in his first year as quarterback coach of the Arizona Cardinals and, obviously, works with Kurt Warner. So, when I saw this book at the library I decided to read it. They talk about their Warner family rules... we do some of the same things in our home, and other ideas of theirs I really like and may try implementing with our family. They seem like pretty down-to-earth people and shared some fun stories. It was inspiring to read about how much Kurt and Brenda are involved in their charitable causes. I would've liked to hear a few more stories about the NFL scene but I'm sure there's another book out there for that.

[Eden · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I didn't know anything about Kurt Warner (is that horrible?) or his wife before reading their book. They did a great job of showing reality in their marriage and with their kids. Several things they mentioned as their rules I'm considering implementing -
#1 If you can't get along, you have to hold hands for 10 minutes. If that doesn't work, you have to sit cheek to cheek.
#2 When eating out (of course this doesn't happen often in our family), after ordering, you need to be able to tell what color the server's eyes are.

There were others that caught my eye but these are the two that stand out and I can say without looking at the book again.