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We Over Me: The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything You Want from Your Relationship
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The stars of the social media show The Ellises and hosts of the Webby Award-winning podcast Dead Ass with K&D share the core pillars of their relationship as millennial lovers and parents that have allowed them to thrive.
“Staying married in this day and age takes a whole different mindset, and this book gives an intimate and honest look at the inner workings of their strong union.”—Gia Peppers, award-winning journalist and host
After twelve years of marriage, twenty years together, and four kids, Devale and Khadeen Ellis have been through a lot. They’ve loved their way through a long-distance relationship, financial instability, parenthood, Khadeen’s near-death, and their near-divorce, chronicling their day-to-day life with their boys online. After much trial and error, they hit upon one surprising, essential If you’re looking for a healthy relationship and a fulfilling life, focus on your partner’s needs instead of your wants. Choosing service over selfishness will not only make your relationship stronger, but it will help you achieve your own goals and build a legacy together.
With their trademark transparency and humor, Khadeen and Devale share the messy, behind-the-scenes work of what it takes to succeed and support one another in their search for individual purpose while growing in their marriage. They discuss family, parenting, sex and intimacy, finances, and commitment, with honest advice threaded through their stories, such
• Stop comparing yourselves to other couples and make your own rules.
• Learn how to function as a team.
• Keep talking about sex.
• The kids ain’t first.
The Ellises might not have all the answers, but they do know that good love takes friendship, grace, and service. Their personal and relatable truths will inspire you to be the kind of partner you want to be so you can build a supportive, enduring relationship.
“Staying married in this day and age takes a whole different mindset, and this book gives an intimate and honest look at the inner workings of their strong union.”—Gia Peppers, award-winning journalist and host
After twelve years of marriage, twenty years together, and four kids, Devale and Khadeen Ellis have been through a lot. They’ve loved their way through a long-distance relationship, financial instability, parenthood, Khadeen’s near-death, and their near-divorce, chronicling their day-to-day life with their boys online. After much trial and error, they hit upon one surprising, essential If you’re looking for a healthy relationship and a fulfilling life, focus on your partner’s needs instead of your wants. Choosing service over selfishness will not only make your relationship stronger, but it will help you achieve your own goals and build a legacy together.
With their trademark transparency and humor, Khadeen and Devale share the messy, behind-the-scenes work of what it takes to succeed and support one another in their search for individual purpose while growing in their marriage. They discuss family, parenting, sex and intimacy, finances, and commitment, with honest advice threaded through their stories, such
• Stop comparing yourselves to other couples and make your own rules.
• Learn how to function as a team.
• Keep talking about sex.
• The kids ain’t first.
The Ellises might not have all the answers, but they do know that good love takes friendship, grace, and service. Their personal and relatable truths will inspire you to be the kind of partner you want to be so you can build a supportive, enduring relationship.
271 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 7, 2023
239 people are currently reading
4365 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 142 reviews
May 9, 2023
I love the two of them sharing the things that worked/works for them in their marriage...I loved the openness and the growth.
January 24, 2023
I have followed them on Social Media and I have seen their relationship grow with every child they have had. To learn their story made me love them even more.
I got a chance to see where they came from and how they met and I see how they met and how they made their relationship work for them. They didn’t follow the traditional way of creating the relationship that allows them to enjoy each other. You get to see the things that could have pulled them apart bring them closer
I am not married but a lot that they talked about I can use in my relationship.
Thank you to Netgalley for allowing me to give my honest review of We over Me!
I got a chance to see where they came from and how they met and I see how they met and how they made their relationship work for them. They didn’t follow the traditional way of creating the relationship that allows them to enjoy each other. You get to see the things that could have pulled them apart bring them closer
I am not married but a lot that they talked about I can use in my relationship.
Thank you to Netgalley for allowing me to give my honest review of We over Me!
July 27, 2023
2.5
I have followed them on Social Media and I have seen their relationship grow with every child they have had and I watched the show that introduced Devale to the masses. Though this was informative and filled with the typical relationship advice, I also found it...lacking substance. The only thing I thought was truly powerful was Khadeen's detailing of her births (especially Jackson).
It's always hard to rate memoirs, but this wasn't necessarily strong. Devale came across as hella selfish and egotistical (the typical "bro") and I hated that Khadeen sometimes came off as vapid, too. :-(
Not hating on them at all, but I just hoped this would've been a more solid/stronger effort.
I have followed them on Social Media and I have seen their relationship grow with every child they have had and I watched the show that introduced Devale to the masses. Though this was informative and filled with the typical relationship advice, I also found it...lacking substance. The only thing I thought was truly powerful was Khadeen's detailing of her births (especially Jackson).
It's always hard to rate memoirs, but this wasn't necessarily strong. Devale came across as hella selfish and egotistical (the typical "bro") and I hated that Khadeen sometimes came off as vapid, too. :-(
Not hating on them at all, but I just hoped this would've been a more solid/stronger effort.
December 11, 2022
I thoroughly enjoyed this read. I know the Ellises do not want to be called couple goals, but the vulnerability and honesty they show to the world is astounding and much appreciated. They wrote this book for everyone on the relationship spectrum, whether that's single and not looking or all the way to married for years.
I hope they continue to share content and write more books for this generation of individuals just trying to make it in a society with way too many influences in a digital world. Especially with their emphasis on black love and what that looks like today with each other and raising black children.
*Kindly received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I hope they continue to share content and write more books for this generation of individuals just trying to make it in a society with way too many influences in a digital world. Especially with their emphasis on black love and what that looks like today with each other and raising black children.
*Kindly received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
December 20, 2022
Read an ARC from NetGalley of this book.
This book gives a great, intimate look into Khadeen and Devale’s story. A very transparent look into their lives before and after marriage. They used their real life experiences and how they overcame them as learning experiences for the reader. They do not claim be relationship experts at all, but simply share what has worked well for them.
If you follow them on social media, you know there are sure to be some humorous parts of this book.
I enjoyed learning more about the Ellis’ through this book. Although I don’t know if I would enjoy it as much for relationship tip book if I did not follow/know their story/personalities.
This book gives a great, intimate look into Khadeen and Devale’s story. A very transparent look into their lives before and after marriage. They used their real life experiences and how they overcame them as learning experiences for the reader. They do not claim be relationship experts at all, but simply share what has worked well for them.
If you follow them on social media, you know there are sure to be some humorous parts of this book.
I enjoyed learning more about the Ellis’ through this book. Although I don’t know if I would enjoy it as much for relationship tip book if I did not follow/know their story/personalities.
March 25, 2023
I’ve followed these two for some years now and have enjoyed seeing their love and family blossom. I don’t idolize or see them as goals, yet I do enjoy all they give to the world. I’m rooting for everyone Black and these two are definitely included in that mix.
Great read
Great read
February 20, 2023
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ | “Nobody’s expecting you to show up perfectly whole in a relationship - but before you do, make sure that you are good for and with yourself. Be good with spending time alone. Be good with understanding your strengths and your weaknesses. Be good within knowing who you are individually, in a relationship, and in a collective group. Knowing who you are and being confident that you can complete yourself will go a long way in being the kind of partner you want to be and attracting and keeping a partner who will be compatible to your needs.”
...
I have been Team Ellis since I was introduced to them on an episode of The Read. Their banter. Their realness. Every time Devale says “Devale’s Truth,” I cackle.
The book reads no differently.
As in real life, their voices, humor, peculiarities, truths, and realness shine through, and their all-consuming commitment and affection for one another leap off the page.
And…with that being said >>>> no shade, BUT if you are in a relationship, and your spouse is trash (and you are not going to leave them), do not read this book. I honestly believe this book is best meant for single people who are not in relationships yet but planning to be OR married couples that ACTUALLY LIKE one another and are willing to do the kind of work that Khadeen and Devale are doing/have done.
If you know you or your spouse will not do the work that relationships require….
If you know that you or your spouse will NEVER deviate from being yourselves or themselves, respectively…
If you are easily jealous of other people’s love that is better or healthier than yours…respectfully don’t read this.
…
Disclaimer: I’m not sure I have read a memoir or a memoir-type book, specifically about a topic like marriage, where there are two narrators, so I’m not sure if this is a novel concept - but I liked the dual-perspective chapters. The chapters would start with a joint perspective leading into the topic, then break into their personal perspectives. Then, the chapters would end with a brief hot take from either Devale, Khadeen, or both that would summarize the chapter or point entirely.
In terms of how the book was written, I APPRECIATED their overall tone. Nothing was written as an absolute. It was more like, “We’ve been together for a long time; this is how we started; this is what we have been through; this is how we make it work.” And not only was this so refreshing, but it also made the book more palatable. They would consistently reiterate, “This is what has worked for us,” or “We are not experts. We fall short all the time, but we have learned to do X, Y, Z to remediate X, Y, Z issues.”
The sub-heading of this book states that K&D are presenting “counterintuitive” solutions for you to get the relationship you want. I don’t mean this begrudgingly, but I do not know if this is necessarily true. IMO, there would have been far better sub-headings to use, but that’s beside the point.
This is not to say their experiences and advice weren’t sound or impressive.
Quite the contrary.
Rather than being ”counterintuitive,” by the time you finish the book, you can attribute K&D’s solutions to single-word actions: Communication. Honesty. Trust. Grace. Accountability Alignment.
Are these necessarily counterintuitive? No. But are they counterintuitive in that people probably assume that to have a great relationship spanning, your day-to-day approaches must be grand or out-of-the-box rather than these “basic” buzzwords? Sure.
Yet, if K& D prove anything, while these words are straightforward in phrase, they are complex in execution. But ultimately, they are and have been committed to the challenge.
The only bad thing I will say about this book is that there was some repetition in areas that made some chapters harder to get through. And the last chapter was a drag (I felt it could have been shorter.)
Overall, a joy to read. Black love wins…AGAIN!
...
I have been Team Ellis since I was introduced to them on an episode of The Read. Their banter. Their realness. Every time Devale says “Devale’s Truth,” I cackle.
The book reads no differently.
As in real life, their voices, humor, peculiarities, truths, and realness shine through, and their all-consuming commitment and affection for one another leap off the page.
And…with that being said >>>> no shade, BUT if you are in a relationship, and your spouse is trash (and you are not going to leave them), do not read this book. I honestly believe this book is best meant for single people who are not in relationships yet but planning to be OR married couples that ACTUALLY LIKE one another and are willing to do the kind of work that Khadeen and Devale are doing/have done.
If you know you or your spouse will not do the work that relationships require….
If you know that you or your spouse will NEVER deviate from being yourselves or themselves, respectively…
If you are easily jealous of other people’s love that is better or healthier than yours…respectfully don’t read this.
…
Disclaimer: I’m not sure I have read a memoir or a memoir-type book, specifically about a topic like marriage, where there are two narrators, so I’m not sure if this is a novel concept - but I liked the dual-perspective chapters. The chapters would start with a joint perspective leading into the topic, then break into their personal perspectives. Then, the chapters would end with a brief hot take from either Devale, Khadeen, or both that would summarize the chapter or point entirely.
In terms of how the book was written, I APPRECIATED their overall tone. Nothing was written as an absolute. It was more like, “We’ve been together for a long time; this is how we started; this is what we have been through; this is how we make it work.” And not only was this so refreshing, but it also made the book more palatable. They would consistently reiterate, “This is what has worked for us,” or “We are not experts. We fall short all the time, but we have learned to do X, Y, Z to remediate X, Y, Z issues.”
The sub-heading of this book states that K&D are presenting “counterintuitive” solutions for you to get the relationship you want. I don’t mean this begrudgingly, but I do not know if this is necessarily true. IMO, there would have been far better sub-headings to use, but that’s beside the point.
This is not to say their experiences and advice weren’t sound or impressive.
Quite the contrary.
Rather than being ”counterintuitive,” by the time you finish the book, you can attribute K&D’s solutions to single-word actions: Communication. Honesty. Trust. Grace. Accountability Alignment.
Are these necessarily counterintuitive? No. But are they counterintuitive in that people probably assume that to have a great relationship spanning, your day-to-day approaches must be grand or out-of-the-box rather than these “basic” buzzwords? Sure.
Yet, if K& D prove anything, while these words are straightforward in phrase, they are complex in execution. But ultimately, they are and have been committed to the challenge.
The only bad thing I will say about this book is that there was some repetition in areas that made some chapters harder to get through. And the last chapter was a drag (I felt it could have been shorter.)
Overall, a joy to read. Black love wins…AGAIN!
March 10, 2023
This book was everything. If you married, single, or anywhere in between, you will get something out of this book. I might be biased; I been following them since boy #2 of 4 whole boys was a baby, so I been invested. But they were dropping jewels and being very transparent about the ups and downs they had to deal with to get to the point where they have become the couple everybody envies. You should read it.
July 28, 2023
I really enjoyed this book. It was a fast read. I like how The Ellis’s have used being of service to one another as a pillar in their relationship. They also were very transparent about all of the ongoing hard work it takes to have a successful marriage. It made me think that marriage is too much and I don’t want to do that again but it made me ask myself some important questions about what I do want. I was able to write down that I want a monogamous relationship with someone that I connect with as a close friend easily. I don’t want to have to teach anyone else the basics of a relationship at this age. I want the other person to be able to support me on all of the same levels that I support them. I want to find someone that I can lean in to and not run from because they have already shown me they are worthy of my love and they feel the same way about me. I also believe strongly in the same best friend pillar as The Ellis’s. The other great take away was that we should do what is right for us in our relationships while also taking a hard look at what we need to work on to improve with our partner through lots of communication and trial and error. It also felt very refreshing to know that a lot of the “throw in the towel” feelings are normal as well as not always liking the other person during rough patches.
April 9, 2023
Hard-won relationship wisdom.
Twelve years of marriage, twenty years together, and four kids – not bad numbers for a couple who, “didn’t want to get into anything serious” when they first started flirting as 18-year olds. Devale and Khadeen Ellis have been through a lot – career changes, financial difficulties, intimacy issues – and stuck together through it all.
What makes their relationship so successful? The pair credit their healthy, fulfilling romance to one thing: as a couple, they’ve always forged their own path together. And they’ve found that the path to a relationship that works is prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own.
Not convinced? Well, in this book We Over Me, we’ll unpack just how this unconventional strategy works and how to implement it in your own life.
---
Putting “we” before “me”
Do you want to feel better, more recognized, and more appreciated in your relationship? Well, stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about your partner.
This advice might not sound like it’s going to solve your problems. But believe it or not, it’s been tried and tested by Devale and Khadeen Ellis – the podcasting duo and social media sensations also known as “The Ellises.”
Here’s the rationale behind putting “we” before “me” in relationships. In any relationship you have to ask yourself, Do I have the desire and capacity to serve this person? So many people make the mistake of focusing on what their current or potential partner can do for them, whether it's to support them emotionally or provide for them financially. But if you’re only focused on what you can get out of a partnership, you’ll never grow as a couple.
You might feel that focusing on fulfilling your partner's wants and needs feels more like putting you before me than we before me. But guess what? If your partner adopts this same mindset, they’ll be doing the work to put you first, too. And when you’re both focused on serving each other, then you’ll lift each other up – and as a couple, you’ll reach far greater heights than you could have dreamed of reaching as individuals.
In Khadeen’s words, marriage is a service-based industry. For your marriage to work, you both have to serve each other. Here are a few more counterintuitive lessons Khadeen and Devale have learned along the way:
Not everyone is equipped for a relationship. If you’re someone who knows you can’t commit to serving your partner, be honest with yourself about that. And if you’re partnered with someone who can’t – or won’t – commit to serving you, it might be time to move on.
Love isn’t easy. Sure, it might feel easy at first, when you’re riding that addictive high of novelty, romance, and lust. But beware anyone who tells you that your relationship should never feel like work. Without addressing problems, facing challengers, and navigating conflicts, your love can never last.
You have to love marriage, not just a person. When you marry someone, you can’t just commit to them – you need to commit to the idea of marriage, too. People change. They surprise you. They disappoint you. When you commit to marriage as a concept, you commit to weathering those changes, those ups and downs, together – and coming to peace with the fact that the person who was your perfect soulmate on your wedding day, won’t always live up to that ideal. And neither will you. And that’s OK!
Your marriage won’t solve your personal problems. Single people who spend a lot of time on dating apps often tell Devale and Khadeen how wild the modern dating world is – a jungle of inflated egos, unhealthy behaviors, and unresolved baggage. Guess what? Coupling up won’t cure any of those problems. If you’re in a relationship, use the tools you need – like meditation, journaling, and therapy – to keep working on yourself as well as your partnership.
---
Stop comparing yourself to other couples
Khadeen and Devale talk to a lot of couples who feel their relationship just isn’t as great as it could be. In particular, they feel their relationship doesn’t fit the blueprint for romantic partnerships – whether that’s the glamorous, loved-up couples they see on social media or the fairy-tale “happily ever after” pairings they’ve been exposed to since childhood.
Now, for these couples, the problem isn’t necessarily their relationship – it’s the blueprint. Love, romance, and partnership are not one-size-fits-all concepts. If you’re trying to twist your relationship to follow someone else’s rules, you’re already on the wrong track.
Your relationship, your rules.
Khadeen and Devale have been together since they were teenagers. They met before Devale found success in football and later in acting, and before Khadeen followed her own dreams to become a makeup artist, television personality, and inspirational content creator. They’ve weathered the highest of highs and the lowest of lows together. And they attribute the longevity of their relationship to their commitment to creating their own romantic blueprint.
When they started dating, as teenagers, Khadeen and Devale broke all “the rules.” They were both upfront that they didn’t want to be exclusive with each other, and both fooled around with other people before finally settling down. It was Khadeen, not Devale, who first initiated physical intimacy. And when Khadeen got pregnant when she was 19, and then had an abortion, the couple made the conscious decision to stay together and support each other through the trauma they felt in the wake of this decision.
As their relationship grew more committed, there were other rules they had to learn to break, too. They had to step away from the romantic blueprints they’d learned from their families.
Devale had learned how to win arguments from watching his parents fight, and he went into his relationship with Khadeen thinking that she’d never respect him if he didn’t win every point in his arguments with her. That’s something he’s had to unlearn.
Khadeen’s mother was stuck in domestic habits that she resented – that’s why she warned Khadeen not to get in the habit of fixing meals for Devale. But after giving it some thought, Khadeen realized she enjoyed making Devale’s meals – and felt rewarded and recognized for her efforts. So while she saw that her mom’s heart was in the right place, she rejected this advice.
Both Khadeen and Devale grew up in households where tensions were only aired behind closed doors; in public, the families were careful to maintain a perfect image. Neither of them enjoyed the pressure this created within their households – now, they’re known and loved for sharing their relationship, warts and all, with the public.
So, make your own rules and be your own blueprint. Because if you’re trying to emulate another couple, you’ll never be the best version of yourselves.
---
A firm foundation for your partner
Thanksgiving, 2011. Khadeen wanted to stay home and celebrate with Devale and their young son, Jackson. Instead, she was heading out to work crazy hours at a MAC makeup store in the lead-up to Black Friday.
For the Ellises, the honeymoon period after their 2010 wedding was lightning fast. Things got very real, very quickly when they realized that Khadeen had gotten pregnant during their Jamaican honeymoon. Meanwhile, Devale was transitioning away from his NFL career and trying to establish himself as an entrepreneur and actor. But the transition was proving tougher than either had hoped. Without regular paychecks coming in from the NFL, and with baby Jackson on the way, finances were tight. During and after her pregnancy, Khadeen worked full-time in retail at MAC to secure her family’s income and health insurance. Devale committed to being a stay-at-home dad.
The pair dealt with a lot of resentment during this challenging period. Both of them had internalized the idea that the man should be the breadwinner, while the woman should stay at home with the baby. Devale wanted to contribute more financially. Khadeen wanted to spend more time with Jackson. Instead of talking to each other about their expectations and frustrations, they became alternately irritable, combative, and withdrawn.
But when they started to communicate more openly, they saw that letting go of their internalized ideas about gender roles would help them move away from fixating on where they thought their partnership should be – and toward focusing on where it actually was. Crucially, they acknowledged that each was just trying to serve the other as best they could in the circumstances.
What’s more, once they put aside their own egos, they could work toward their common goals. Once Devale got enough acting work to join the union, he was able to secure his family’s insurance. He told Khadeen that it was his turn to hold down the fort – now, she could make a leap of faith. Khadeen handed in her notice at MAC and established herself as a freelance makeup artist. Within three months, she was making more than Devale was at acting. But without Devale’s foundation, she would never have struck out on her own in the first place. A good relationship doesn’t privilege one partner’s goals over the other’s – it pivots to ensure that both partners can achieve their common goals.
Living out their relationship as they do on social media, Khadeen and Devale are well aware that their service-oriented relationship has its fair share of critics. Khadeen’s been called “submissive” and Devale’s been called a “simp” – aka the kind of guy that lets his partner walk all over him.
Do they care? Nope.
Throughout their relationship, Devale and Khadeen have continued to serve each other by providing a solid platform from which their partner can reach for their dreams. Their setup may look a little different from the norm, but they couldn’t be happier.
---
Keep having sex!
The conventional wisdom holds that – post-wedding, post-children, post-decades-together – even the hottest couples will find that their sex life naturally starts to fizzle away. But the Ellises are anything but conventional when it comes to relationships. So, when sex started to feel like a chore and life in the bedroom was beginning to turn stale, Devale and Khadeen found ways to prioritize physical intimacy.
The pair don’t want to brag, but their sexual chemistry is off the charts. Their sex drives, however? Let’s just say Devale’s sex drive is much higher than Khadeen’s. In the early days, their relationship was off-again on-again. And their mismatched sex drives were responsible for a lot of those off-again moments. After having children, Khadeen was constantly busy and stressed-out – she had too much on her mind for sex to feel appealing. After having children, Devale was constantly busy and stressed-out – he needed the reassurance and release that sex provides.
How did they break this cycle and learn to live with their out-of-sync libidos?
First, they took the guilt out of talking about their wants, needs, and boundaries around sex. If Khadeen says she doesn’t always want sex, she’s not telling Devale he doesn’t turn her on. And when Devale expresses a desire for more sex, he’s not putting pressure on Khadeen, just openly sharing his needs.
Second, they got comfortable having the same conversation about sex over and over again. Devale wanted more. Khadeen didn’t. For a long time, the conversation didn’t shift. And it got pretty monotonous. But the key thing was that they kept talking about sex. Having the same discussion about sex over and over isn’t necessarily a problem – but not talking about sex is a deal-breaker.
Finally, they each figured out how they could serve each other sexually – without foregoing their own needs and desires. Khadeen got honest about the roadblocks to intimacy that her hormones and postpartum depression were creating. She helped Devale understand how her libido ebbed and flowed throughout different seasons of her life – and she sought help from doctors and therapists to recover her sex drive. What’s more, she had lots of fun finding non-penetrative ways to please Devale.
For his part, Devale acknowledged that while it was as easy as flicking a switch for him to get in the mood, things worked differently for Khadeen. He saw that as his wife moved through different stages of her life, the things that used to regularly turn her on didn’t always work anymore. He supported Khadeen in finding new turn-ons. Together, they discovered that travel and new experiences which provided a break from routine really got Khadeen in the mood. Now, kid-free quality time and weekend getaways are a regular part of their routine.
---
In a world that’s focused on individual empowerment above all else, Devale and Khadeen Ellis have taken the radical step to put their partner’s needs before their own. They credit this attitude of service and selflessness for their relationship’s longevity – and their individual successes within their partnership.
Twelve years of marriage, twenty years together, and four kids – not bad numbers for a couple who, “didn’t want to get into anything serious” when they first started flirting as 18-year olds. Devale and Khadeen Ellis have been through a lot – career changes, financial difficulties, intimacy issues – and stuck together through it all.
What makes their relationship so successful? The pair credit their healthy, fulfilling romance to one thing: as a couple, they’ve always forged their own path together. And they’ve found that the path to a relationship that works is prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own.
Not convinced? Well, in this book We Over Me, we’ll unpack just how this unconventional strategy works and how to implement it in your own life.
---
Putting “we” before “me”
Do you want to feel better, more recognized, and more appreciated in your relationship? Well, stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about your partner.
This advice might not sound like it’s going to solve your problems. But believe it or not, it’s been tried and tested by Devale and Khadeen Ellis – the podcasting duo and social media sensations also known as “The Ellises.”
Here’s the rationale behind putting “we” before “me” in relationships. In any relationship you have to ask yourself, Do I have the desire and capacity to serve this person? So many people make the mistake of focusing on what their current or potential partner can do for them, whether it's to support them emotionally or provide for them financially. But if you’re only focused on what you can get out of a partnership, you’ll never grow as a couple.
You might feel that focusing on fulfilling your partner's wants and needs feels more like putting you before me than we before me. But guess what? If your partner adopts this same mindset, they’ll be doing the work to put you first, too. And when you’re both focused on serving each other, then you’ll lift each other up – and as a couple, you’ll reach far greater heights than you could have dreamed of reaching as individuals.
In Khadeen’s words, marriage is a service-based industry. For your marriage to work, you both have to serve each other. Here are a few more counterintuitive lessons Khadeen and Devale have learned along the way:
Not everyone is equipped for a relationship. If you’re someone who knows you can’t commit to serving your partner, be honest with yourself about that. And if you’re partnered with someone who can’t – or won’t – commit to serving you, it might be time to move on.
Love isn’t easy. Sure, it might feel easy at first, when you’re riding that addictive high of novelty, romance, and lust. But beware anyone who tells you that your relationship should never feel like work. Without addressing problems, facing challengers, and navigating conflicts, your love can never last.
You have to love marriage, not just a person. When you marry someone, you can’t just commit to them – you need to commit to the idea of marriage, too. People change. They surprise you. They disappoint you. When you commit to marriage as a concept, you commit to weathering those changes, those ups and downs, together – and coming to peace with the fact that the person who was your perfect soulmate on your wedding day, won’t always live up to that ideal. And neither will you. And that’s OK!
Your marriage won’t solve your personal problems. Single people who spend a lot of time on dating apps often tell Devale and Khadeen how wild the modern dating world is – a jungle of inflated egos, unhealthy behaviors, and unresolved baggage. Guess what? Coupling up won’t cure any of those problems. If you’re in a relationship, use the tools you need – like meditation, journaling, and therapy – to keep working on yourself as well as your partnership.
---
Stop comparing yourself to other couples
Khadeen and Devale talk to a lot of couples who feel their relationship just isn’t as great as it could be. In particular, they feel their relationship doesn’t fit the blueprint for romantic partnerships – whether that’s the glamorous, loved-up couples they see on social media or the fairy-tale “happily ever after” pairings they’ve been exposed to since childhood.
Now, for these couples, the problem isn’t necessarily their relationship – it’s the blueprint. Love, romance, and partnership are not one-size-fits-all concepts. If you’re trying to twist your relationship to follow someone else’s rules, you’re already on the wrong track.
Your relationship, your rules.
Khadeen and Devale have been together since they were teenagers. They met before Devale found success in football and later in acting, and before Khadeen followed her own dreams to become a makeup artist, television personality, and inspirational content creator. They’ve weathered the highest of highs and the lowest of lows together. And they attribute the longevity of their relationship to their commitment to creating their own romantic blueprint.
When they started dating, as teenagers, Khadeen and Devale broke all “the rules.” They were both upfront that they didn’t want to be exclusive with each other, and both fooled around with other people before finally settling down. It was Khadeen, not Devale, who first initiated physical intimacy. And when Khadeen got pregnant when she was 19, and then had an abortion, the couple made the conscious decision to stay together and support each other through the trauma they felt in the wake of this decision.
As their relationship grew more committed, there were other rules they had to learn to break, too. They had to step away from the romantic blueprints they’d learned from their families.
Devale had learned how to win arguments from watching his parents fight, and he went into his relationship with Khadeen thinking that she’d never respect him if he didn’t win every point in his arguments with her. That’s something he’s had to unlearn.
Khadeen’s mother was stuck in domestic habits that she resented – that’s why she warned Khadeen not to get in the habit of fixing meals for Devale. But after giving it some thought, Khadeen realized she enjoyed making Devale’s meals – and felt rewarded and recognized for her efforts. So while she saw that her mom’s heart was in the right place, she rejected this advice.
Both Khadeen and Devale grew up in households where tensions were only aired behind closed doors; in public, the families were careful to maintain a perfect image. Neither of them enjoyed the pressure this created within their households – now, they’re known and loved for sharing their relationship, warts and all, with the public.
So, make your own rules and be your own blueprint. Because if you’re trying to emulate another couple, you’ll never be the best version of yourselves.
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A firm foundation for your partner
Thanksgiving, 2011. Khadeen wanted to stay home and celebrate with Devale and their young son, Jackson. Instead, she was heading out to work crazy hours at a MAC makeup store in the lead-up to Black Friday.
For the Ellises, the honeymoon period after their 2010 wedding was lightning fast. Things got very real, very quickly when they realized that Khadeen had gotten pregnant during their Jamaican honeymoon. Meanwhile, Devale was transitioning away from his NFL career and trying to establish himself as an entrepreneur and actor. But the transition was proving tougher than either had hoped. Without regular paychecks coming in from the NFL, and with baby Jackson on the way, finances were tight. During and after her pregnancy, Khadeen worked full-time in retail at MAC to secure her family’s income and health insurance. Devale committed to being a stay-at-home dad.
The pair dealt with a lot of resentment during this challenging period. Both of them had internalized the idea that the man should be the breadwinner, while the woman should stay at home with the baby. Devale wanted to contribute more financially. Khadeen wanted to spend more time with Jackson. Instead of talking to each other about their expectations and frustrations, they became alternately irritable, combative, and withdrawn.
But when they started to communicate more openly, they saw that letting go of their internalized ideas about gender roles would help them move away from fixating on where they thought their partnership should be – and toward focusing on where it actually was. Crucially, they acknowledged that each was just trying to serve the other as best they could in the circumstances.
What’s more, once they put aside their own egos, they could work toward their common goals. Once Devale got enough acting work to join the union, he was able to secure his family’s insurance. He told Khadeen that it was his turn to hold down the fort – now, she could make a leap of faith. Khadeen handed in her notice at MAC and established herself as a freelance makeup artist. Within three months, she was making more than Devale was at acting. But without Devale’s foundation, she would never have struck out on her own in the first place. A good relationship doesn’t privilege one partner’s goals over the other’s – it pivots to ensure that both partners can achieve their common goals.
Living out their relationship as they do on social media, Khadeen and Devale are well aware that their service-oriented relationship has its fair share of critics. Khadeen’s been called “submissive” and Devale’s been called a “simp” – aka the kind of guy that lets his partner walk all over him.
Do they care? Nope.
Throughout their relationship, Devale and Khadeen have continued to serve each other by providing a solid platform from which their partner can reach for their dreams. Their setup may look a little different from the norm, but they couldn’t be happier.
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Keep having sex!
The conventional wisdom holds that – post-wedding, post-children, post-decades-together – even the hottest couples will find that their sex life naturally starts to fizzle away. But the Ellises are anything but conventional when it comes to relationships. So, when sex started to feel like a chore and life in the bedroom was beginning to turn stale, Devale and Khadeen found ways to prioritize physical intimacy.
The pair don’t want to brag, but their sexual chemistry is off the charts. Their sex drives, however? Let’s just say Devale’s sex drive is much higher than Khadeen’s. In the early days, their relationship was off-again on-again. And their mismatched sex drives were responsible for a lot of those off-again moments. After having children, Khadeen was constantly busy and stressed-out – she had too much on her mind for sex to feel appealing. After having children, Devale was constantly busy and stressed-out – he needed the reassurance and release that sex provides.
How did they break this cycle and learn to live with their out-of-sync libidos?
First, they took the guilt out of talking about their wants, needs, and boundaries around sex. If Khadeen says she doesn’t always want sex, she’s not telling Devale he doesn’t turn her on. And when Devale expresses a desire for more sex, he’s not putting pressure on Khadeen, just openly sharing his needs.
Second, they got comfortable having the same conversation about sex over and over again. Devale wanted more. Khadeen didn’t. For a long time, the conversation didn’t shift. And it got pretty monotonous. But the key thing was that they kept talking about sex. Having the same discussion about sex over and over isn’t necessarily a problem – but not talking about sex is a deal-breaker.
Finally, they each figured out how they could serve each other sexually – without foregoing their own needs and desires. Khadeen got honest about the roadblocks to intimacy that her hormones and postpartum depression were creating. She helped Devale understand how her libido ebbed and flowed throughout different seasons of her life – and she sought help from doctors and therapists to recover her sex drive. What’s more, she had lots of fun finding non-penetrative ways to please Devale.
For his part, Devale acknowledged that while it was as easy as flicking a switch for him to get in the mood, things worked differently for Khadeen. He saw that as his wife moved through different stages of her life, the things that used to regularly turn her on didn’t always work anymore. He supported Khadeen in finding new turn-ons. Together, they discovered that travel and new experiences which provided a break from routine really got Khadeen in the mood. Now, kid-free quality time and weekend getaways are a regular part of their routine.
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In a world that’s focused on individual empowerment above all else, Devale and Khadeen Ellis have taken the radical step to put their partner’s needs before their own. They credit this attitude of service and selflessness for their relationship’s longevity – and their individual successes within their partnership.
October 24, 2023
This was SUCH a well written book. I love how their personalities are easily felt throughout the text.
There are A LOT of lessons that can be learned/amplified here internally and between couples as well. I do not idolize relationships at all, but I absolutely love the transparency they displayed in this book! Love how they make it known how COMMITTED they are to SERVING each other in their relationship, and how through serving each other they are able to show their kids what a healthy relationship loves like.
Definitely would recommend for singles, couples, I think this may even be nice to read with your spouse/significant other!
There are A LOT of lessons that can be learned/amplified here internally and between couples as well. I do not idolize relationships at all, but I absolutely love the transparency they displayed in this book! Love how they make it known how COMMITTED they are to SERVING each other in their relationship, and how through serving each other they are able to show their kids what a healthy relationship loves like.
Definitely would recommend for singles, couples, I think this may even be nice to read with your spouse/significant other!
June 23, 2024
I have been following Khadeen and Devale since they were guests on The Read podcast and continued with their Dead Ass podcast. I definitely had to read this book.
I love this representation of millennial marriage! Their story and journey gas so many different parallels to my own marriage that I kept having to wonder if they know us! I like the way that they speak so honestly about the not so good parts about learning to grow together in partnership. No one wants to talk about the ugly parts and I think that it is definitely needed. We are all out here with the same struggles, but we all think we are alone. I appreciate the honestly and would probably pick this one back up.
I love this representation of millennial marriage! Their story and journey gas so many different parallels to my own marriage that I kept having to wonder if they know us! I like the way that they speak so honestly about the not so good parts about learning to grow together in partnership. No one wants to talk about the ugly parts and I think that it is definitely needed. We are all out here with the same struggles, but we all think we are alone. I appreciate the honestly and would probably pick this one back up.
February 14, 2023
I truly love their love story. I love that no matter the obstacles they may have faced they stayed together and found solutions. There were a lot of gems in this book both on parenting and relationships.
March 11, 2023
I got this book because I love Khadeen and Devale. I remember hearing about their love story when listening to one of my favorite podcast and I’ve been hooked ever since. I appreciate their openness about their relationship struggles, it’s amazing what they’ve been able to do together. No couple is perfect but I appreciate their vulnerability.
March 16, 2023
Sound advice. They are not the blueprint, but they give great relationship building advice based on their own experiences.
April 8, 2025
I don't know who these people are but I enjoyed hearing their take on marriage.
May 15, 2025
I listened to this and it was SO GOOD as an audio book. 100% recommend for married couples.
November 20, 2025
This was a good read. I was not expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. The advice with the backstory was extremely helpful, and you can see components of your own relationships in different aspects
November 20, 2022
I can’t say enough good things about this book. I started to read it to help me fall asleep and no lie, blew through the entire thing in one night.
Whether you’re single and looking, single and not looking, dating, “talking,” engaged, married, or somewhere in between, there’s something for you in this book.
The Ellises are such a beautiful family and Khadeen and Devale are fun, hilarious, real, and relatable. HEAVY on relatable. Whew, I literally feel like I could have written parts of this myself. As a Black, millennial mom and wife, I’m truly grateful for such transparency in sharing their journey and the opportunity it presented for me to reflect on myself and my own marriage. We Over Me was an all-around enjoyable read that felt like I was just sitting around talking to friends.
Whether you’re single and looking, single and not looking, dating, “talking,” engaged, married, or somewhere in between, there’s something for you in this book.
The Ellises are such a beautiful family and Khadeen and Devale are fun, hilarious, real, and relatable. HEAVY on relatable. Whew, I literally feel like I could have written parts of this myself. As a Black, millennial mom and wife, I’m truly grateful for such transparency in sharing their journey and the opportunity it presented for me to reflect on myself and my own marriage. We Over Me was an all-around enjoyable read that felt like I was just sitting around talking to friends.
March 3, 2023
I really enjoyed knowing more about the Ellis family. I have to admit that some parts of the book felt repetitive and it was difficult to not put the book down. I would also think that this book may be better for people that are looking to get into relationships as opposed to people that have already been in long-term marriages, because for me, it seemed more of a refresher. A lot of the information I already knew as I kept reading I was hoping to get more insight that I might not have known it was a decent read. I’d recommend it to someone else, but there were definitely parts where it felt repetitive..
February 26, 2023
I’ve followed this couple on social media and the title alone made me intrigued to read their book. Personality wise I would give this book a 5. Devale and Khadeen are excellent in their storytelling and hilarious in their own ways. But context wise I give this book a 3.5 . I think if you’re newly married, a couple trying to take the next step, or single and want marriage this book is an excellent read and may be more insightful for you. Because I am already married, the book felt more of a light refresher and relatable to a certain extent. I enjoyed the fact that the book shared both perspectives of the couples and took us on their journey as they both grew together.
January 31, 2024
One of the cutest millennial social media couples, share their tidbits on what has made their marriage successful. Here’s what I got from it:
1. Service your partners needs, if each of you are serving the other, all needs are met and no one is lacking. (I like it, but that takes a lot of trust)
2. Make your own marriage rules. What your mom and dad, g-maw and g-paw did ain’t going to work in this day and age. (FACTS - figure out what works for y’all and damn what others think, including yo mama)
3. Seek answers and advice within your marriage. Stop going to outside people for advice (again including yo mama)
4. Friendship should be the core of your relationship. (i.e. you need to like this person and want to spend time with them - sex and attraction will not carry a relationship)
5. Relationships take trial and error to figure out communication style, love language, etc. (Don’t be afraid to try and fail and try again - you got to do the work)
6. People are in a constant state of evolution, the relationship will ebb and flow, you have to ask yourself if you committed to ride the wave (and the sea sickness)
7. Do not measure your relationship against what you see on IG, TikTok, and FB
8. Focus on the way your partner receives what you say, the reception of your words and not your side of the story.
Bottom line define your marriage between you and your spouse, and don’t worry about other’s opinions, do what works for you.
1. Service your partners needs, if each of you are serving the other, all needs are met and no one is lacking. (I like it, but that takes a lot of trust)
2. Make your own marriage rules. What your mom and dad, g-maw and g-paw did ain’t going to work in this day and age. (FACTS - figure out what works for y’all and damn what others think, including yo mama)
3. Seek answers and advice within your marriage. Stop going to outside people for advice (again including yo mama)
4. Friendship should be the core of your relationship. (i.e. you need to like this person and want to spend time with them - sex and attraction will not carry a relationship)
5. Relationships take trial and error to figure out communication style, love language, etc. (Don’t be afraid to try and fail and try again - you got to do the work)
6. People are in a constant state of evolution, the relationship will ebb and flow, you have to ask yourself if you committed to ride the wave (and the sea sickness)
7. Do not measure your relationship against what you see on IG, TikTok, and FB
8. Focus on the way your partner receives what you say, the reception of your words and not your side of the story.
Bottom line define your marriage between you and your spouse, and don’t worry about other’s opinions, do what works for you.
April 9, 2023
In all honesties, this was a very overall interesting book. I instantly assume that it was going to be a clique book, about relationship advice and what to do to have successful marriage etc. It was the complete opposite, the way they were open to share their personal experiences was the ultimate catcher to the book. Specially to me I can currently relate to some of things that we went through early on in their relationship. There was some very powerful wisdom. The way I was in tune with reading the book put me in the mindset to do some self reflection as to where do I want to be in life, how I want my relationship with my life time partner to be like, what kind of representation I want to uphold for my kids in the future. From already following them on social and keeping up with Devale on Tv. You can very much feel the personality through the book. The way they walk you through their life is incredible it feels very real and present tense. Although we know no relationship is perfect but they made their own perfect union that works best with them. I can pinpoint so many things about the book that I enjoyed reading, everything was just so heart felt and passionate. I overall love it !
February 25, 2023
I love seeing these two on social media! However, this book was very much too plain for me. I was waiting for the wow moments or nuggets to take away but for me it fell short. I wouldn't recommend this book. :/
February 10, 2023
Pre-ordered my audible copy of this a couple of weeks ago and I got to start reading it earlier this week. I love that this is not a " How to" book but more so a book of their real life experiences and obstacles. And how while going through them together they discovered what works best for them in this thing called life.
July 25, 2023
Thank you for your transparency. I'm so glad the book was read by Khadeen and Devale. No one can tell their story better than them. I learned so much about relationships in general. As a fellow Brooklynite, I am so proud of the Ellis' . I've been rocking with yall since the early days on IG. Continuous blessings on your journey together.
July 6, 2023
Cute book. This maybe useful to the millennials today. The baby boomers can teach them a thing or two if they are willing to listen.
February 14, 2023
discovered Devale Ellis on the hit TV show “Sisters” and from then on I was obsessed with his character Zach on the show. I didn’t know anything about his personal life or that he was married to the beautiful Khadeen and they been together since a little before college. So when I found out they was coming out with a book I had to pre order it. They even have a podcast titled “Dead a** with K&D”that I am now going to check out.
In this book they talk about the ups and downs in their relationship and how they made it through it all. They didn’t want to label this book a relationship self help book but they do give out tips that worked for them in this book which I loved. They talk about how they got together and how each of them felt during a certain period of time during their relationship.
They talked about how they made the tough decisions to get an abortion and how it effected them together and them individually. I love reading about this because you would never know what one is thinking or going through during that time. It’s nice to hear people be open and honest.
I didn’t know Devale was a football player in the NFL and was a wide receiver for the Detroit Lions beck in 2006 as a free agent.Devale talked about how being in the NFL was not his long term goal, he stated that he wanted to be in TV and film. Which is crazy to me I mean he is a good actor but I never heard someone say that the NFL wasn’t the end goal for them but yet a stepping stone.
One thing I like about the book is that every now and then either Devale or Khadeem will give you a hot take which is one of them breaking down and giving advice. This whole book is them telling you how they made it to 20 years with all the up and downs and struggles. How to have to communicate and put the work in to really make the relationship last.
I would recommend this book to my friends I found some good things and advice from this book. This book made me want to go check out their podcast and see what other helpful relationships advice they are giving out. I love that they are married and been married for 20 years. That’s a long time and many marriages don’t last that long.
If I had to rate this book I would rate this book a 4/5 stars. I found some helpful resources and tips and this book. It has me looking at love and relationships and marriage in a whole new way. I learned that you have to know your partner’s communication language. And you have to be able to have healthy communication skills. Make sure you check this book out and their podcast out as well. And watch Devale on the hit TV show “Sisters” as Zach.
In this book they talk about the ups and downs in their relationship and how they made it through it all. They didn’t want to label this book a relationship self help book but they do give out tips that worked for them in this book which I loved. They talk about how they got together and how each of them felt during a certain period of time during their relationship.
They talked about how they made the tough decisions to get an abortion and how it effected them together and them individually. I love reading about this because you would never know what one is thinking or going through during that time. It’s nice to hear people be open and honest.
I didn’t know Devale was a football player in the NFL and was a wide receiver for the Detroit Lions beck in 2006 as a free agent.Devale talked about how being in the NFL was not his long term goal, he stated that he wanted to be in TV and film. Which is crazy to me I mean he is a good actor but I never heard someone say that the NFL wasn’t the end goal for them but yet a stepping stone.
One thing I like about the book is that every now and then either Devale or Khadeem will give you a hot take which is one of them breaking down and giving advice. This whole book is them telling you how they made it to 20 years with all the up and downs and struggles. How to have to communicate and put the work in to really make the relationship last.
I would recommend this book to my friends I found some good things and advice from this book. This book made me want to go check out their podcast and see what other helpful relationships advice they are giving out. I love that they are married and been married for 20 years. That’s a long time and many marriages don’t last that long.
If I had to rate this book I would rate this book a 4/5 stars. I found some helpful resources and tips and this book. It has me looking at love and relationships and marriage in a whole new way. I learned that you have to know your partner’s communication language. And you have to be able to have healthy communication skills. Make sure you check this book out and their podcast out as well. And watch Devale on the hit TV show “Sisters” as Zach.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 9, 2025
Thanks to NetGalley and Rosalie for giving me an advanced watch of this book. Sorry it took me so long to read it lol.
I initially took interest in reading this book a couple of years ago when I was a newlywed. I’d never seen a healthy and happy marriage and I craved for knowledge on the topic. I’ve seen this couple on social media and always thought that they were a cute couple, so when their book came out I thought why not. However, I feel as if I may have outgrown these types of martial advice books. Now that I’ve been married for a couple of years, I learned that marriages are not one size fits all. What my husband and I believes is functional might not look the same to another couple and vice versa.
I ended up listening to this one on audio, which I highly recommend. I felt as if the two were sitting in my house telling me their story and I loved this. I loved their transparency. Their love story was interesting. I felt like I checked out a lot when they gave relationship, because their way of navigating their relationship is very different than mines. I felt myself getting annoyed at times, but also very intrigued in the story. I realized about 70% in that my issue was Devale. He irked me… a lot. It was his I-am-man-hear-me-roar vibe at some times, amongst other things. When they spoke about his conduct during their college years, I checked out, because yeah-no smh. I really liked Khadeen though, she gave me round-the-way-girl vibes for sure. I even went to follow her on IG. She has an amazing narrating voice. I did like their chapter on childbirth and parenting as well as their message of being a service to one another message.
Overall I think it’s a decent read for someone if they want marital advice. If you focus on the advice and not the actions leading up to it, you won’t be annoyed as I was at times lol
I initially took interest in reading this book a couple of years ago when I was a newlywed. I’d never seen a healthy and happy marriage and I craved for knowledge on the topic. I’ve seen this couple on social media and always thought that they were a cute couple, so when their book came out I thought why not. However, I feel as if I may have outgrown these types of martial advice books. Now that I’ve been married for a couple of years, I learned that marriages are not one size fits all. What my husband and I believes is functional might not look the same to another couple and vice versa.
I ended up listening to this one on audio, which I highly recommend. I felt as if the two were sitting in my house telling me their story and I loved this. I loved their transparency. Their love story was interesting. I felt like I checked out a lot when they gave relationship, because their way of navigating their relationship is very different than mines. I felt myself getting annoyed at times, but also very intrigued in the story. I realized about 70% in that my issue was Devale. He irked me… a lot. It was his I-am-man-hear-me-roar vibe at some times, amongst other things. When they spoke about his conduct during their college years, I checked out, because yeah-no smh. I really liked Khadeen though, she gave me round-the-way-girl vibes for sure. I even went to follow her on IG. She has an amazing narrating voice. I did like their chapter on childbirth and parenting as well as their message of being a service to one another message.
Overall I think it’s a decent read for someone if they want marital advice. If you focus on the advice and not the actions leading up to it, you won’t be annoyed as I was at times lol
March 31, 2023
Khadeen and Devale make it a point to say they are not #CoupleGoals but in all honesty they truly are! Their journey is their own but the spirit of their marriage is what they try to impart in We Over Me. The entire point of their story is to tell you, "To be happy and healthy in your own marriage, you've got to play by your own rules and choose the We over Me every time!"
Special thanks to NetGalley and Random House Publishing for reaching out to me and offering an ARC of We Over Me. What an honor to be able to read this!
As a single woman without kids, some would feel like this book doesn't speak to them but let me tell you it does! They wrote this for everyone (single, married, divorced, parents, grandparents, etc.)! I found myself relating to Khadeen's recollection of her collegiate experience and at the same time siding with Devale when it came to arguments. The relationship advice that they were given by their parents (to serve or not serve) and the lack of insight to their parent's relationship (no sex talk) is something that is an universal experience. All of it was somehow eerily familiar but uniquely theirs.
Some of the overarching themes they emphasized were as follows:
1. Marriage is a choice each and every day
2. Serving and Simping is not a bad thing, no matter what social media tells you
3. The only person to appease or satisfy regarding your marriage is your spouse.
4. Prioritize your needs and speak your desire. Communication is essential and vital to a healthy and lasting relationship.
5. People and relationships are ever evolving... grow and get to know one another as it happens.
This should be required reading for everyone prior to applying for their marriage license or seeking guidance. Loved it!
Special thanks to NetGalley and Random House Publishing for reaching out to me and offering an ARC of We Over Me. What an honor to be able to read this!
As a single woman without kids, some would feel like this book doesn't speak to them but let me tell you it does! They wrote this for everyone (single, married, divorced, parents, grandparents, etc.)! I found myself relating to Khadeen's recollection of her collegiate experience and at the same time siding with Devale when it came to arguments. The relationship advice that they were given by their parents (to serve or not serve) and the lack of insight to their parent's relationship (no sex talk) is something that is an universal experience. All of it was somehow eerily familiar but uniquely theirs.
Some of the overarching themes they emphasized were as follows:
1. Marriage is a choice each and every day
2. Serving and Simping is not a bad thing, no matter what social media tells you
3. The only person to appease or satisfy regarding your marriage is your spouse.
4. Prioritize your needs and speak your desire. Communication is essential and vital to a healthy and lasting relationship.
5. People and relationships are ever evolving... grow and get to know one another as it happens.
This should be required reading for everyone prior to applying for their marriage license or seeking guidance. Loved it!
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