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The Territory of Men: A Memoir
Born into the turmoil of mid-sixties San Francisco, the daughter of a flower child and a surfer, Joelle Fraser grew up with no bedtime, no boundaries, and no father. But “dads” she had in abundance, as her mother worked her way through boyfriends and husbands, caught between the traditional rules of her upbringing and the new freedoms of the “me generation” and women’s lib. Moving every few months, from houseboats and beach shacks to run-down apartments, Joelle came to learn that a woman’s life, free or not, is played out on men’s territory.
Set in northern California, Hawaii, and the small coastal towns of Oregon, Fraser’s engrossing memoir captures this centerless childhood in wonderfully vivid, frank writing, then goes on to show how a legacy like this affects a girl as she grows up. Pretty, blond, precociously aware of her own sexuality, Joelle was drawn to men early, eager to unlock their mysteries. Working in bars, prisons, and firing ranges, she liked to hang out where they congregated. To her the only worlds that counted were men’s worlds. Men held the power; they made life matter.
Fraser’s sharp vignettes of her intense relationships, brief, turbulent marriage, and itinerant life are haunting echoes of her early memories. In The Territory of Men, she brilliantly portrays the way a rootless childhood leads to a restless adulthood, and how a mother’s aimless life serves as a blueprint for her daughter.
Set in northern California, Hawaii, and the small coastal towns of Oregon, Fraser’s engrossing memoir captures this centerless childhood in wonderfully vivid, frank writing, then goes on to show how a legacy like this affects a girl as she grows up. Pretty, blond, precociously aware of her own sexuality, Joelle was drawn to men early, eager to unlock their mysteries. Working in bars, prisons, and firing ranges, she liked to hang out where they congregated. To her the only worlds that counted were men’s worlds. Men held the power; they made life matter.
Fraser’s sharp vignettes of her intense relationships, brief, turbulent marriage, and itinerant life are haunting echoes of her early memories. In The Territory of Men, she brilliantly portrays the way a rootless childhood leads to a restless adulthood, and how a mother’s aimless life serves as a blueprint for her daughter.
256 pages, Paperback
First published July 16, 2002
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276 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
August 25, 2008
Hard not to love this book as my personal friend wrote it and i'm actually mentioned in it! Fascinating and troubling that a woman as young as Joelle could already write a memoir but when your life has been as charged as hers has been, it is possible. She has lived more lifetimes in her short 40 years than most of us and reading about her ability to live and cope is interesting.
July 3, 2014
I read this memoir of growing up the child of the sixties and alcoholism while taking a Greyhound going north from Mendocino County to Prince Rupert, British Columbia. Along the way, I could look out the window and see many of the locations in northern California and Oregon that Fraser wrote about. It was one of those magical readings, when the author's talents are so prodigious you simply cannot remove yourself from her world. This is a great, great book, deserving of a wide readership.
July 4, 2017
Five stars for me, not for everyone. No, it's not a must-read, but memoirs with such honesty and glistening language create an empathy for others and their situations that I do think we all need.
The appeal for me was reading about what attracted both the author and her mother into various relationships and what drove them away. I also am intrigued by how family relationships with her mom, father, and extended family impacted the author.
I'm also not sure how Joelle Fraser wrote so openly about people who might pick up her book and read about themselves, but I enjoyed the ride. She reminds me a little of Cheryl Strayed in the way she faces her past and voices her raw fears and longings.
The appeal for me was reading about what attracted both the author and her mother into various relationships and what drove them away. I also am intrigued by how family relationships with her mom, father, and extended family impacted the author.
I'm also not sure how Joelle Fraser wrote so openly about people who might pick up her book and read about themselves, but I enjoyed the ride. She reminds me a little of Cheryl Strayed in the way she faces her past and voices her raw fears and longings.
November 13, 2008
The main character grew up the daughter of a freeloading mother with no bedtime, rules, or father. Joelle grew up with various father figures and learned very quickly that her mother relied on men to survive. The story shows how this kind of life style affects a person later on in life.
October 22, 2008
I enjoyed this book as I am fascinated with childhood stories that are so different than my normal, middle class upbringing.
March 4, 2020
The author writes about her dysfunctional family and her relationships with her mother and father. There were parts that reminded me of my own childhood (not the living in Hawaii part-darn!), but her father's addiction and dying at a young age from it and her mother's inability to show affection brought back not-so-fond memories, but sometimes it is helpful just to know other's go through similar things. It could have been a 5 star book for me, but 1 star deducted because her adult life was not nearly as interesting as her childhood and she kept going back to her childhood so that you were not always sure what time frame she was in. But, if I was going to write a memoir I would like it to be like this one.
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September 22, 2007I really loved this book, but it's been so long since I've read it, I believe I'm due to re-read it to give a proper analysis on it! It's one of my favs and I usually recommend it! One of the first memoirs I've read and got me hooked on them!
December 29, 2009
Memoir of growing up in a fractured family in the 60's and 70's California and Hawaii. Well written and thought provoking.
November 10, 2013
I read this book in 2002 because the author is a good friend and was also my college roommate at UH, Manoa. I think the writing is excellent and I could see so clearly how Joelle put herself "out there" with a lot of humility. It was a courageous book to write and for that I admire her. There is so much truth and vulnerability that she exposed and I don't believe this is an easy thing for any author to undertake. She wrote about an interesting time, when children were raised by what I will call aloof parenting, parents who were still coming to terms with their own upbringing of the 40's & 50's and searching for their own new territory in the mid-60's.
I am looking forward to reading her most current book, The Forest House.
I am looking forward to reading her most current book, The Forest House.
June 16, 2013
Picked this book up in Susanville, CA, which is in the middle-of-nowhere in norcal, because the bookseller said it was written by a local author. I lugged it around for 9 months and finally read it! Glad I waited - she mentions a number of other cities on the West Coast that I have memories at over the last 12 months, specifically San Fran and Sausalito, CA. Easy read and interesting life. I want to know how her professional/education success stemmed from the personal chaos that speckled her life.
July 14, 2008
Oh, this is sad book of a girl's childhood through her 20's.
Really well-written.
Really well-written.
June 17, 2009
I really enjoyed reading this book. Excellent read~
June 11, 2010
I enjoyed reading about her experiences in locations that I've been - San Francisco, Lincoln City, Hawaii. Reminded me in a way of Glass Castle.
April 3, 2009
This was a pretty good book. I enjoyed reading about Joelle's childhood. I have a few unanswered questions,but over all it was a fast read that I enjoyed!
January 17, 2008
Story of my life.. in a way. Read in Portland during Christmas.
November 7, 2023
The Territory of Men is a great representation of children, specifically women, growing up without a stable and consistent father figure, whether the father is emotionally absent or physically absent. As a child and woman of divorce and a tainted view on male figures as a whole, I relate deeply with what Joelle Fraser talks about with her experiences growing up in an unstable household. I am rating this book with five stars not only because of the well thought out and well written literacy, but also as Joelle is not afraid to speak bluntly about her experiences and conveys her emotions in a way that connects with the reader on a personal level. Joelle's writing not only makes me feel more understood as someone who has gone through shockingly similar instances and experiences, it also helps better represent these emotions as a whole and speaks about said emotions with passion and poetry. She also goes into topics about young women experiencing life and experiencing the world through a broken lens and unfair disadvantages. She speaks about how she reacts to being invited to something as simple as a class outing due to her impressive literature and writing capabilities. Joelle as an author is able to speak to the readers in a way that I have not seen in any other biography or book in general before.
My father is the one who recommended this book to me, and although he is not absent in my life, I still have had a fair share of step fathers trying to be my dad, and having to adjust to separate households since I was in preschool. My parents married when I was around the age of 4-5, but before that I was living with my old step dad and my mother, and my father part time. They stayed married and things were stable until I moved to Colorado at the age of 10. They then divorced and I was quickly re-accustomed to living with a new male figure. My mother moved me and my little brother in with my now stepdad right at the beginning of 6th grade, and I have stayed there since, and I am now in 11th grade. Although I am not as old as Joelle by any means, I have had very similar experiences to her along the subject of divorce, alcoholism, various step dads, and split households all my life. And now, I am 16 years old, and I have seen more of the world than a majority of my peers. Things like these have definitely had their negative toll on me, but I view everything as a lesson, much like Joelle. Everything that I have gone through with love, authority figures, and my home life as a whole has shaped me into the person I am today, and I look forward to learning more about life much as Joelle has, whether the experiences are negative or positive, I believe every experience teaches you and prepares you for your future.
While it was hard to pick just one favorite quote, I was able to find one that really spoke to me like no other. My favorite quote from this book, is something that connects me to my role as a woman in this society in a way other stories have failed to do so. On page 63, Joelle is speaking about her experiences with men and how she tends to feel in the presence of them. "...I've not forgotten the shame of being left alone there, and how I knew even then that the world of men would never be easy for me, that my connection to it would always be touched with a trace of disappointment, and regret." This quote makes me feel more connected to womanhood than I used to be. I have felt the same things that Joelle is describing, feeling consistently let down in the presence of men no matter the circumstances. It's not that I have a prejudice against men, it's just that I've been disappointed so many times, and I have felt inferior so many more times because of the traditions I was raised with, coming from a very conservative and traditional family line. As time goes on I am beginning to become more accepting of who I am and what role I play in this world as a woman, but there will always be that fear of regret and disappointment that I didn't act up when I could.
Overall, this book is an amazing connection to the real world and the struggles women and any child face when greeted with devastation so early on in life. I love how Joelle's writing brings women together, instead of tearing us apart as some of us don't share the same experiences or views of the world as Joelle does. As someone who deeply relates to this book and its contents, it is a breath of fresh air to finally have someone to relate to even though I have never met them. This book highlights key moments in Joelle's life that shaped her as a person not only emotionally but also psychologically. She brings light to the experiences of women all over the world in any country, bringing together a new era of enlightenment on what it is like to be a woman in a man's world.
My father is the one who recommended this book to me, and although he is not absent in my life, I still have had a fair share of step fathers trying to be my dad, and having to adjust to separate households since I was in preschool. My parents married when I was around the age of 4-5, but before that I was living with my old step dad and my mother, and my father part time. They stayed married and things were stable until I moved to Colorado at the age of 10. They then divorced and I was quickly re-accustomed to living with a new male figure. My mother moved me and my little brother in with my now stepdad right at the beginning of 6th grade, and I have stayed there since, and I am now in 11th grade. Although I am not as old as Joelle by any means, I have had very similar experiences to her along the subject of divorce, alcoholism, various step dads, and split households all my life. And now, I am 16 years old, and I have seen more of the world than a majority of my peers. Things like these have definitely had their negative toll on me, but I view everything as a lesson, much like Joelle. Everything that I have gone through with love, authority figures, and my home life as a whole has shaped me into the person I am today, and I look forward to learning more about life much as Joelle has, whether the experiences are negative or positive, I believe every experience teaches you and prepares you for your future.
While it was hard to pick just one favorite quote, I was able to find one that really spoke to me like no other. My favorite quote from this book, is something that connects me to my role as a woman in this society in a way other stories have failed to do so. On page 63, Joelle is speaking about her experiences with men and how she tends to feel in the presence of them. "...I've not forgotten the shame of being left alone there, and how I knew even then that the world of men would never be easy for me, that my connection to it would always be touched with a trace of disappointment, and regret." This quote makes me feel more connected to womanhood than I used to be. I have felt the same things that Joelle is describing, feeling consistently let down in the presence of men no matter the circumstances. It's not that I have a prejudice against men, it's just that I've been disappointed so many times, and I have felt inferior so many more times because of the traditions I was raised with, coming from a very conservative and traditional family line. As time goes on I am beginning to become more accepting of who I am and what role I play in this world as a woman, but there will always be that fear of regret and disappointment that I didn't act up when I could.
Overall, this book is an amazing connection to the real world and the struggles women and any child face when greeted with devastation so early on in life. I love how Joelle's writing brings women together, instead of tearing us apart as some of us don't share the same experiences or views of the world as Joelle does. As someone who deeply relates to this book and its contents, it is a breath of fresh air to finally have someone to relate to even though I have never met them. This book highlights key moments in Joelle's life that shaped her as a person not only emotionally but also psychologically. She brings light to the experiences of women all over the world in any country, bringing together a new era of enlightenment on what it is like to be a woman in a man's world.
August 22, 2021
I read the author's second book before this one, her first. In The Forest House, I was awed by her lyrical writing, her strength, her decision to take the path less traveled. In "The Territory of Men", I was able to read about her childhood and beyond, moving into her young adult life. I could see how her experiences as a young girl, her interactions with people she chose, and did not choose, to be in her life, affected her future choices. While reading about Joelle's life, I was able to make connections in my own; to see how situations, choices, people, and so much more, continue to impact the decisions I make today. I thought "The Forest House" was going to be my top read for 2021, but now I am not sure. I look forward to reading anything new that Joelle publishes in the future.
August 1, 2020
I view this book as the precursor to my sudden onset of intense anxiety, my "mental breakdown" that happened when I was 17. I remember being such a happy teenager, and I read this book at the recommendation of a friend (or rather, she had just read it and passed it on to me -- I'm not sure she was suggesting it was good or anything). It made me sad. It made me really sad. And I couldn't fit it into the way I had come to understand the world, which was that everything was always moving in an upward trajectory. Things were always getting better. They couldn't get worse. I don't even remember what happens in this book besides things getting worse. They get worse and worse, and I got sad, and a few months later, my mental health dissolved and for the next several years of my life I was entirely ruled by overwhelming anxiety. This came first though. Bad associations, as you may imagine.
February 12, 2018
A fast read about a young woman remembering her fractured, dislocated life while living wirh partying drinking parents: her mother always chooses the boyfriend of the month over her daughter; her father the gin or rum over his daughter. Due to her parents' instability, Joelle Fraser moves
frequently, and I especially enjoyed her chapters that take place in Hawaii. There is a real and deep sadness to this memoir that makes it 3.5 stars for me. I recommend this memoir and found Fraser's insights into how and why and when we flee real connections and intimacy to be revelatory.
frequently, and I especially enjoyed her chapters that take place in Hawaii. There is a real and deep sadness to this memoir that makes it 3.5 stars for me. I recommend this memoir and found Fraser's insights into how and why and when we flee real connections and intimacy to be revelatory.
July 6, 2021
This is a searingly honest, tenderly and beautifully written novel that those of us who longed for their mothers to put us front and center, but who did not, can so relate to. Ms. Fraser recounts her dysfunctional upbringing with such beautiful language and ease; I wanted to run in and pick her up and save her from the world that her mother all too easily gave her up to. Any reader who has had a childhood featuring rejection from a parent, especially a mother, will relate to Ms. Fraser's touchingly rendered account.
November 9, 2018
Memoir of a woman who was born in the 60's era of free love. Her mom had many men who were substitutes for her father, an alcoholic living in Hawaii who she had contact with occasionally. Living with no rules or guidance, she had to navigate through life and figure out on her own how to deal with love and relationships. This book was pretty good. I especially liked reading about Hawaiian culture.
April 30, 2018
she writes beautifully. A moving story of a little girl lost, then found
December 31, 2019
About a woman's life and her many fathers
August 14, 2021
One of my favorite books I’ve randomly found in a goodwill for 25cents. I love this memoir so much I’ve read it quite a few times. Beautiful.
April 17, 2023
The author and I both had trouble finding anyone worth caring for in this book. The difference is that I could put it down and she had to pretend.
April 3, 2016
I always feel bad giving memoirs bad reviews because I'm sure it's hard to share such personal events in a book. I commend the author for doing so. But honestly, this book is awful. I don't mind memoirs jumping around to different time periods or events, but this one does so in a way that's so incoherent it's hard to understand. Nothing particularly interesting even happens in the book. I definitely think that some people with ordinary lives can pull off writing compelling memoirs, but this author unfortunately does not succeed in doing so at all.
I made it to page 121 (out of 222) and then skimmed the rest and the ending because I couldn't stand to read this book any longer. Definitely would not recommend.
I made it to page 121 (out of 222) and then skimmed the rest and the ending because I couldn't stand to read this book any longer. Definitely would not recommend.
June 22, 2016
This book had some iffy points to me. The beginning started off appealing, but somewhere around the middle I felt like it got a bit "off" in the style. I had a hard time following things. By the end, however, it was back to the original style and seemed to finish strong. I enjoyed reading about Joelle's experiences, both positive and painful. It was very real, and very easy to imagine. Her life is unique, for sure. The insight she had about her experiences was admirable. Though she endured a lot of hurt, she always got something from it and was able to share some of those lessons.
January 28, 2012
I'm not sure what I was expecting but for me this book was only ok. While it was well written I just found it kind of boring. I hate saying that about a memoir because that is someone's life but it was drawn out and lacked excitement.
March 17, 2016
I felt this book and enjoyed it. I know Joelle, and read it while we were in a book club together. In her early life she was a beach waif in SF, and I think I remember seeing and talking to her. I was a young adult hippie and she was a flower child's child.
November 22, 2008
This book was.... OK. It was a long winded. I was expecting a lot more than what I got.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews