What I Thought I Knew

by Alice Eve Cohen

A playwright and theatre artist examines the complex family relationships in her life and the bombardment of advice she received when she unexpectedly found herself six months into a high-risk pregnancy with no insurance coverage and no prenatal care.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Book Club, Biography, Parenting, Medical

208 pages, Hardcover

First published April 4, 2009

About the author

Alice Eve Cohen is a writer and solo theatre artist. Her new memoir, THE YEAR MY MOTHER CAME BACK, is published by Algonquin Books, March 31, 2015. Winner of Elle's Magazine Grand Prize for Nonfiction, Oprah Magazine’s 25 Best Books of Summer, and Salon's Best Books of the Year for her memoir, "What I Thought I Knew" (Penguin). She has written for Nickelodeon, CTW, and CBS, and has toured her solo shows nationally and internationally. Alice has received fellowships and grants from the NYS Council on the Arts and the NEA. She graduated from Princeton University and got her MFA from The New School. Alice teaches at The New School and lives with her family in New York City. She is currently working on a novel.

Reviews

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

So you’re 44 years old and this is what you know: your life is looking pretty darn good, at long last. You’re getting married in a few months to an all-around great guy, your adopted daughter is thriving, your career is more and more satisfying. Except or this large, hard lump in your abdomen, things are really looking up.

But that lump does not go away. In fact, it gets bigger. You are anemic, depressed, and more than a little worried about cancer, since you’re a DES daughter. Your gynecologist assures you that everything is fine.

And then you get the word that you are pregnant. Six months pregnant. Which, you think, is an impossibility since you were told you were infertile and likely in menopause.

This is the scenario that Alice Eve Cohen faced. By profession, Alice is a solo story performer, and she does what comes naturally – she tells a story. And what a story it is.

Her insurance plan, predictably, sucks. No high-risk obstetrician wants to take her on since Oxford Liberty pays so little and so late. Since she IS a DES daughter, her cervix is likely to dilate early… plus, at her age, 75% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Oh yes, and she has a deformed uterus, no prenatal care (in fact, she was on heavy hormones) and a definitely ambivalent attitude about carrying to term. At six months, termination of the pregnancy is challenging and yet there’s a good chance the baby might have major issues. Urggghhh!

Alice Eve Cohen’s story veers from a black comedy to a Kafka-type nightmare. She doesn’t try to pretty it up. Even those of us who are pro-choice will wince at her desire to end her pregnancy so late in the game, and precisely what that entails. Her inability to feel love for the fetus – soon-to-be baby – is in direct contrast to the love she feels for her adopted daughter, and is fueled, the reader suspects, by her high-adrenalin fear of facing the unknown.

She’s besieged with doubts about what is loving and what is right. And she is forced to explore what it truly means to be a mother. It is biology? Unconditional love? Can a real mother’s love by conditional? Is she a real mother…if she doesn’t yet feel love, hopes it will awaken in her, and in the meantime gives us everything to protect the child?

Alice can be selfish. Temporarily insane. Infuriating! Yet her voice is authentic and candid and she doesn’t shy from describing exactly how it was – and is. As we take the journey through doubt and a broken medical assistance, we ultimately arrive with her at renewal. While not a literary masterpiece, I give it 5 stars because once started, it’s hard to tear oneself away from the trek.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alice writes beautifully. This was an easy and enjoyable read while writing about her difficult journey all the while still able to maintain her sense of humor through it all.

[Jeanette · Rating 3 out of 5]

This read was a single sit down. It takes no deciphering at all. There are sections of lists at points of time which fill whole pages with about 20 sentences at the most per page. So it's very short and a quick read. It doesn't need any serious full attention to plot either. It's Alice telling her year and then an aftermath. Honesty, memoir style and the personalities do come through. Especially her own. No shrinking violet, Alice!

For me, it would have been 4 star if she hadn't been so obnoxious blunt and just plain offending with some categories of comments and judgments about "the other". Whoever the other was in the pertinent issue of the moment. Judgmental- very!

The gist is a pregnancy story. One that couldn't happen and should have been noticed. But how many doctors for various other issues she had visited and addressed in the spring to fall months? I refuse to count them. A lot of doctors. With a lot of advice and medicine. All taken. Most of it completely wrong. And of course, harmful.

It's about her physical state plus her state of mind. And the decisions she confronts and then eliminates. Usually because the circumstances are so gnarly and criteria unusual enough.

It lost a whole star for her authority trust cognition and how she never writes of/for any realization in that fact of her own doctor obedience at all. And the judgments she makes too (she seems to make them in a yes I will, no I won't merry go round sounding board method) because IN that mode, she nearly always ignores her own instincts/guts. Mostly she just negates them completely. Seems so strange to me to have a woman with this much talent to creative individualism and word power doing the work she does of difficult one woman shows- BUT OUTSIDE of that field- having so much intelligence and common sense dominated by AUTHORITY. She virtually ignores her own knowledge for "knows better" overthrow. And she does it constantly, even within all the aftermath tale, IMHO.

It was brave of her to expose the entire, but I think the hyperbole/ snark intrinsic to the style of the telling made me want to overlook that bravery factor by the third quarter of the book. It really turned me off some of her treatments to her future spouse- those especially.

Her oldest daughter, Julie- I was happy for her and it was nice to hear about years later.

It's not a bad microcosm of life. You just never know. And those who plan it all out to a T? The story of her friend, Dina- that was a excellent point of example to put in the middle of this.

In my own set of friends/ peer experiences: TOO many doctors, TOO many medicines, TOO many anxiety regimes for stuff that never happens or existed, TOO many examples of doctors' giving terrible advice taken as if it were written in stone, just TOO much information at the wrong times and for the wrong reasons. But possibly, less lawsuits? Doubt it, but maybe.

Wouldn't mind hearing about now- 17 years later? She's 62 now and he's barely 50? I'm such a cynic.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Here’s what she thought she knew:
That she was in love with her soul mate.
That she had a beautiful adopted daughter.
At 44 she had finally enabled her dream life style and financial situation.
It was medically impossible for her to get pregnant.

Only to discover during a medical crisis that she was indeed six months pregnant. Due to her age and pre-natal neglect, her pregnancy is high risk, and she is grossly under insured. The doctors tell her with certainty that her baby will be born with one deformity or another. And that is if she can avoid a likely a pre-mature delivery. It is far too late for a legal abortion, so Cohen has few options in the face of an increasingly frightening pregnancy.

As each new piece of worse news filters in, Cohen repeats and repeats what she knows of her situation in a mantra of literary panic. The scarily candid Cohen admits to being not sure if she is capable of loving or raising her surprise baby. She also admits those thoughts are despicable, and yet it is hard to read that a mother could have such thoughts, but it is harder not to feel for her predicament. Cohen’s emotional story of a mother grappling with guilt and shame on the eve of an inevitable change of life is unforgettable.

[esmepie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would give the contents of this book a '5' rating, but the actual writing knocks it down to a '3.' The author is a performance artist and the whole book reads like it would be much better as a performance piece. The book is structured with an arc from pregnancy to wedding with lists of things she "knows" along the way. To me, it seemed the whole book could have been tightened into a longish magazine article, and the author would have benefitted greatly from an editor who knew how to write dialogue. The remembered conversations are so poorly written, stiff and formal.

But, the story is so provocative. The author discovers at 44 that she is six months pregnant after a life of thinking she was infertile. She has had no prenatal care and struggles with her decision to not only have the baby, but also whether to keep it after birth. This is a real account of someone grappling with ethical decision both before and after her daughter's birth. I couldn't put it down despite the writing.

[Ryan · Rating 2 out of 5]

The story of a woman who unexpectedly becomes in her 40's, and doesn't find out until she is 6 months along. I think a lot of the drama in the book is sort of lost on me, as I had my own terrifying pregnancy nightmare where I lost the baby at 6 months. It just didn't make the kind of impact on me that it might have made on someone who hadn't had experiences similar to mine or the author's. I wasn't a huge fan of her style of writing - at one point in the book she said that she had lost of her sense of humor, and I think this showed in her writing. Her tone was very flat, clipped, and devoid of affect. It was like being in the head of a very, very depressed person, and while perhaps that was the desired effect, it wasn't exactly fun reading, to put it mildly. Again, having been through a high risk pregnancy, I just didn't care to relive it, or deal with somebody who was in the midst of it. And for what it's worth, I never lost my sense of humor - it was what got me through. So reading this humorless memoir was a bit of a chore.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and was barely able to put it down (it's also quite short, making it an easy read). It is well-written and brutally honest in a way that endeared the author to me. But, I can't lie: this book terrified me!! The entire time Alice was pregnant I just sat there wondering what I would do and how I would react and it honestly made me panic, which either means Alice Cohen is a great writer or I have some psychological problems (probably a bit of both). And, probably due to my "position" in life right now (unmarried and financially unstable), I couldn't help but relate to the idea of an unexpected pregnancy also being unwanted and the guilt associated with that thought.

Let's not even get me started on the medical- and insurance-related issues that this book touches on. How on EARTH some of the people Alice encounters are medical PROFESSIONALS escapes me completely!! And if you needed a reason to support health care reform, you'll have plenty of reason to after you read this.

[Elizabeth☮ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I saw a review for this one and got it right away.

Cohen finds herself pregnant at forty-four. She has lived a life being told she is infertile. She has been taking hormones harmful to her pregnancy for the first six months of her pregnancy because she didn't know she was pregnant. Her first thought is she can't have it.

It's an honest portrayal of the ups and downs of going through a high risk pregnancy. I think she captures that well. I was compelled to keep reading, but I often found myself distanced from the content.

[Mary BookHounds · Rating 5 out of 5]

ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT

I adored this book! Once I started reading What I Thought I Knew, I couldn't put it down. This is one memoir that will stick with you and you will want to read about the next chapter of Alice Eve Cohen's life. I have just found out that she is working on another memoir so I can find out what happened next. Normally, memoirs are just one story, but this one left me wanting a bit more. I become so wrapped up in the author's life that I can't wait to find out how everything turned out.

The book takes you through all of the heart breaking decisions that Cohen had to make with her health and that of her unborn child. It put a face on the major problem that the lack of healthcare can have on a person. Even when that person has access to doctors and minimal health insurance, it is difficult to obtain quality care. Cohen finds herself with serious of bewildering symptoms. She is told that she is in early menopause and told she can't possibly get pregnant. A series of blunders by multiple doctors leads to serious complications when that turns out to be untrue.

This is also a cautionary tale of how people shouldn't believe whatever their doctors' tell them at face value and that they need to take an active part in their health. Even when Cohen tried to do this, she was shot down for trying to be proactive in asking for a pregnancy test. I mean, did you know that those tests are only accurate during the first three months after conception? She is really lucky that everything turned out somewhat in her favor and that her daughter was born with issues that could be helped. I really think that Cohen did every woman a favor by writing this book.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

44 year old Alice was sick. Months of tests and doctor's exams left her with a portfolio of diagnosis--early menopause, a bladder disorder, middle age loss of muscle tone, a malformed reproductive system because of her mother's use of DES, sore breasts from wearing underwire bras, anemia, depression, and a large lump in her lower abdomen. Finally a new doctor sends her to the hospital for an emergency CAT scan and the real problem is revealed--Alice is 6 months pregnant (despite having an internal exam by her gyn just 4 weeks before who somehow missed the fact there was a baby in there). Which is a REAL problem given all of the medications she's been taking, no pre-natal care until that point, her age and the condition of her uterus. Her story is horrifying--a litanany of medical malpractice and callous behavior that ran a chill up and down my spine. Her agony is palpable and haunting. You won't forget her story.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't put this book down. A compelling, honest, very well-written account of how one woman is forced to re-imagine her life when everything that can go wrong with her health does. Surprisingly funny at times, with a spot-on voice. I don't always love memoirs, but this one was a delight.

[Sheree · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

This was such an open, honest read for me. Actually it was more than a read, it was like sitting with a best friend and sharing your darkest thoughts and fears, things you don't usually tell others for fear of being judged. I found Alice Eve Cohen's candidness and amusing sarcasm refreshingly honest, it was an intimate look at thoughts and feelings not often voiced, in circumstances one would hope never to find themselves in.

I found it very easy to identify with the author having had my own struggle with infertility, high risk pregnancies and uncertain outcomes but I think this is a story that most people will find compelling. It could easily be titled "Pregnancy Disaster 101" but with Alice Eve Cohen's dark humour, understandably pessimistic views, the story's engaging format and my obviously warped sense of humour I saw the funny side in what really was a medical fiasco.

What I Thought I Knew is about life, love, losses and finding the courage to face all challenges. Kudos to Alice Eve Cohen for her courage during this journey and in bringing us her very touching story.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Author, Alice Eve Cohen met her second husband, Michael at a conference. Michael is ten years Alice’s junior. Alice already had a daughter named Julia when she and Michael met. Things were looking up for Alice, when she received the biggest shock of her life…she is pregnant!

What I Thought I Knew is author, Alice Eve Cohen’s memoir into her life as a mother, wife and writer. I really liked this book more than I thought I would. I say this because memoirs are not typically my first book of choice. Mrs. Cohen shared every aspect of what she went through when she learned she was pregnant at age forty-four. The “What I Know” lists that Mrs. Cohen made were good. I liked learning what she knew as she was learning about different things. Mrs. Cohen opened the door into her life and let readers in. From what I read about Michael, he seemed like a nice guy. He was a good father to Julia. Eliana is one special and bright girl. There were some humorous moments. What I Thought I Knew is a book worth reading.

[Tattered Cover Book Store]

Jackie says:

44 year old Alice was sick. Months of tests and doctor's exams left her with a portfolio of diagnosis--early menopause, a bladder disorder, middle age loss of muscle tone, a malformed reproductive system because of her mother's use of DES, sore breasts from wearing underwire bras, anemia, depression, and a large lump in her lower abdomen. Finally a new doctor sends her to the hospital for an emergency CAT scan and the real problem is revealed--Alice is 6 months pregnant (despite having an internal exam by her gyn just 4 weeks before who somehow missed the fact there was a baby in there). Which is a REAL problem given all of the medications she's been taking, no pre-natal care until that point, her age and the condition of her uterus. Her story is horrifying--a litany of medical malpractice and callous behavior that ran a chill up and down my spine. Her agony is palpable and haunting. You won't forget her story.

[Kelly Collins · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick read (started & finished in one day, even with a toddler running around). It reminded me very much of my brother & sister-in-law's experience with an OB who made some pretty serious errors and did not diagnose my nephew's life threatening disabilities until my SIL was well into her third trimester. We were all grateful to have their son in our lives for the 12 short days he lived, but the idea of a wrongful life suit certainly has entered my thoughts over these last four years.

Ms Cohen's story, I suspect, is not entirely unique. Putting words to her feelings, many of which could be considered shameful, was a brave thing to do. This was a gripping, honest memoir and I'm glad I was introduced to it on NPR.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although I only gave the book three starts - it was because four stars means I really liked it, and that's not the words I would use to describe reading this book. If it were stars for "I really appreciated this book" then it would be four stars. I love how Cohen is simply frank about a very difficult journey - one that makes her questions what she believes, what she wants, and what she will do. There is no debating of anything here, no telling us what we should do, just Cohen relating her experience with an unexpected and uncertain pregnancy and her thought/heart process.

[Deb (Readerbuzz) Nance · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t know much about this book before I read it, and I want others to go into it without knowing very much. This I will say: It’s a true story. It’s the story of discovering oneself pregnant very unexpectedly. It’s a ride.

I would strongly urge others to read it if you like personal narratives. It’s thoughtful and emotional. One of my most intense reads this year.

[Linette Blaszak · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was completely different then I thought it would be. I thought it was about someone similar to myself with 2 kids, this was not the case. Never being depressed myself it was hard for me to read about her trials and difficulties but I empathized with her none the less. I hope to never be in that place mentally. I was happy with the ending!

[Victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely mesmerizing story. Couldn't put it down.

[Janet Lynch · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 This was a totally enjoyable memoir, a genre I don’t usually read. At a short 191 pages it was a quick read. Sometimes thought provoking, many times humorous. Alice Cohen is forty-four years old. She has been told she is infertile, is raising her adopted daughter and is engaged to a man she loves. But for all her good fortune, the Evil Eye has caught up to her. After months of feeling ill, she is thought to have an abdominal tumor. Only it’s not a tumor, she’s pregnant. What? Although I didn’t always agree with Alice’s viewpoints, the story was interesting and well written. Always be sure to ward off the Evil Eye. Tuh! Tuh! Tuh!

[June · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a good read, but at times, I felt with all the medical jargon and the highly emotional issues, I had to disconnect because I was overwhelmed.

[Jonna Higgins-Freese · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must have reviewed another edition -- this was stunning, and I stayed up all night reading it.

[Ciara · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is an amazingly intense memoir. when cohen was thirty years old & married to her first husband, she was having trouble conceiving. eventually she saw a doctor, who found that she had a bifurcated uterus & a serious hormone imbalance that had essentially plunged her into early menopause. she was prescribed estrogen to address the hormone issue, but she was told that she would never be able to get pregnant, & that if she did, she would never be able to carry a fetus to term. she & her husband accepted this diagnosis & wound up adopting a baby girl. eventually the marriage unravelled & a pitched custody battle ensued, which cohen won.

fast forward more than ten years. cohen has a new boyfriend who is considerably younger than she is, her daughter is transforming into a teenager, & cohen is supporting herself with freelance writing, performance art, & teaching. she visits her doctor when she misses her period & is informed that she is going into menopause for real. the doctor claims that this also explains cohen's expanding waistline & constant fatigue. but cohen becomes very concerned when she feels that her abdomen is hard. she's terrified that she has cancer, so she visits another doctor, who also thinks she probably has cancer, & sends her for an emergency MRI.

a growth appears on the MRI, but it's not a tumor--it's a fetus. cohen & her doctors are dumbfounded. she had taken a home pregnancy test after missing a third period, but it was negative. her regular ob-gyn had performed a pelvic exam a few months before & hadn't found anything unusual. & she had been told that she couldn't get pregnant--& the estrogen she was taking was supposed to prevent pregnancy as well. an ultrasound confirms the pregnancy & places cohen at 26 weeks--too late for anything but a late-term abortion, subject to all the legal restrictions.

cohen immediately wants to have an abortion. she sees a doctor who coaxes her into saying that she might commit suicide if she is forced to carry the pregnancy to term. she is referred to dr. tiller's clinic in wichita, but the fly in the ointment is that her boyfriend is more or less ecstatic about the pregnancy & informs cohen that he will leave her if she goes through with the abortion. she doesn't want to have a baby, but she wants to lose her boyfriend less. she cancels the appointment.

she struggles to find insurance coverage because she has a high-risk pregnancy. she's working with advanced maternal age, a bifurcated uterus, & a pregnancy that wasn't diagnosed until nearly the third trimester. as a freelance writer & performance artist, her insurance coverage isn't great, & she can't afford to pay a high-risk specialist out of pocket. things get more complicated when cohen is informed that the fetus is genetically female but anatomically male--a result of having been bathed in high-dose estrogen replacement pills for the first 26 weeks of the pregnancy. cohen is terrified of other potential defects as well, & the risk of giving birth to a pre-term infant & all the health complications that can involve. & as the pregnancy progresses, it takes a serious toll on cohen's health as well. she is put on bed rest & can no longer work.

the bed rest enables cohen to carry the baby almost to term, & stopping the estrogen pills reverses the genital abnormalities. but when the baby is born, she does have a rare birth defect in which one half of her body is smaller than the other half. the treatment she needs includes surgeries, occupational therapists, etc, to the tune of thousands upon thousands of dollars. cohen decides to sue her original ob-gyn for "wrongful life"--for not diagnosing the pregnancy within the time limit that would have enabled cohen to either stop the estrogen or get a legal abortion. her boyfriend--now her husband--is virulently opposed to the lawsuit, & to the concept of "wrongful life," but cohen sees no other way that she is going to be able to pay her daughter's astronomical medical bills. she hires a lawyer who approaches the lawsuit from a feminist perspective--that cohen was deprived of her right to choose an abortion--& she wins. she worries that the jury will think she's a monster for suggesting that her daughter shouldn't have been born, but they seek her out after the decision is read to tell her how brave she is.

this book...holy shit. it's kind of amazing, but it's also really heartbreaking. i can't even begin to imagine being told all my adult life that i couldn't get pregnant, only to end up pregnant on accident & not learn about it until 26 weeks when there's nothing i can really legally do about it--having that choice stripped away from me, even when the fetus has been negatively impacted by medical choices i made before i knew i was pregnant. i really admire cohen's courageous & strength in writing this book. it couldn't have been easy.

[Carin · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I Thought I Knew by Alice Eve Cohen is a harrowing memoir of what happens when everything goes wrong in a pregnancy.

Alice has known since she was 30 that she was infertile. She had probably always suspected it as she's a DES daughter (her mother took DES, an anti-miscarriage drug, which was later found to cause birth defects, primarily in the reproductive arena of the baby girls.) But while married to her first husband, they wanted to have children, and she was told definitively there was no way. She was also put on horse estrogen pills that she'd probably have to take for the rest of her life, and they adopted a beautiful baby girl.

Fast forward a few years. Alice is divorced, a single Mom, dating a man ten years her junior, and her life is starting to get back on track. She's a writer, performer, and editor (all freelance), and her boyfriend is also a performer. They are very happy, and that's when her health starts to go off the rails. She feels sick all the time, and sore. Her doctors give her antacids and tell her that's just aging. Her period stops and she's having to go to the bathroom all the time. The doctors say she's entering early menopause, and a weakening of the bladder walls is a normal part of aging. Her breasts hurt (must be underwire bras) and she has a swollen abdomen (abdominal muscles lose tone as you get older). She has an x-ray of her aching hip (nothing), a gynecological exam (nothing) and is told, go ahead on vacation to Italy, drink lots of wine and relax. She goes on a diet and tries to work out.

Finally, she goes to the hospital and has an MRI. And that's when she hears the most shocking news. She's expecting them to tell her that she has a tumor, has cancer, will die. Instead, she is 6 months pregnant. She's 44, has been taking horse estrogen pills the whole time, dieting, drinking, taking no vitamins, and naturally (and with reason), she's terrified. The odds of her baby being malformed, handicapped, seriously ill, is very very high. She's not sure having the baby is the best option. But at 6 months, her options are very limited.

She goes through a roller-coaster of emotions as she tries to parse out what would be her best course of action. Her boyfriend is also upset, and they aren't always on the same page. Her insurance is terrible, and she's on bed rest and no high-risk ob/gyn in New York will see her.

At the end of each chapter she writes out a list of things she thinks she knows. As a performer and writer, Ms. Cohen knows how to built up tension, how to stay focused on the crucial points, and how to draw the audience in. It's smoothly written and a whirlwind, just like the actual events were. I was riveted to the page and read the whole book in one sitting. I'm not going to spoil the ending, so you'll just have to read it to find out what she decided to do and how that worked out. Great memoir.

[Annie Mondesir · Rating 5 out of 5]

When married to her first husband, Alice was diagnosed as infertile due to having a 2-horned uterus. Being happy and settled by the age of 44 was the perfect scenario for her. She had an adopted daughter named Julia and an adoring fiancé, Michael.

When Alice started having symptoms of an illness that would consume her life with visits to several doctors, she was diagnosed with so many illnesses that would be less obvious than being pregnant. She was told she was in early menopause and put on estrogen therapy, told her belly was getting larger due to the loss of muscle mass at her age, and the possibility of an abdominal tumor. It was during her test to confirm the tumor that they discover she is 6 months pregnant.

Any woman’s life would be turned upside down if they found out they were pregnant under the circumstances of not having prenatal care, let alone knowledge of the pregnancy. Even though a “Mother’s love is unbreakable, even when you are not sure it exists yet” she still have doubts about keeping the child. She is depressed, unsure of herself, and scared to death. Mostly, she has a sense of guilt due to all of the tests she had taken in the past 6 months that could have harmed their child and taking the estrogen, which could cause irreversible damage to the fetus. Being 44 she was already in a high risk pregnancy category. How do you decide what would be best for your child, when you just found out about them and there is a chance they would be born with illnesses or birth defects? With Michael being adamantly against both abortion and adoption they reach the most difficult choice they will hopefully ever have to make. They decide to have the child knowing it was the right thing to do for all concerned.

They have a gorgeous little girl that they name, Eliana. She has Russel-Silver Syndrome, which makes her have an aversion to eating, dwarfing and legs that are not the same size. She would need a lot of care, therapy and surgeries, but most of all she needed love. She received and gave love to the family she was born in to. Their world was made a better place because of her. Gifts come from everywhere when you least expect it, so always expect the unexpected.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Synopsis:

In this startlingly candid memoir, Alice Even Cohen shares her personal journey as a 44 year old "infertile" pregnant woman. From the medical professionals who couldn't figure out what was wrong with her (she was SIX MONTHS into her pregnancy before it was finally discovered that she was pregnant!), to her emotional struggle of whether or not she wanted to have the baby, Ms. Cohen's memoir is deeply touching and fast-paced.

My Thoughts:

I loved this memoir. I am completely shocked and downright appalled at the medical professionals who failed Ms. Cohen. To read her journey and all the doctors she saw and the tests she went through and no one figured out she was pregnant - it's absolutely unbelievable to me! The circumstances she had to endure and the conversations she had to have during her "medical mystery" and after her diagnosis will make you cringe and cry.

I can relate to Alice in many ways, being an infertile woman myself. I can't imagine being set in your life and accepting of your situation, in your mid forties and BAM, suddenly you are pregnant. What a shocking situation it must have been for her! I don't want to examine her thoughts and feelings about the situation because none of us know how we will react when faced with the same circumstances. All I will say is that Ms. Cohen is a brave woman who fought through a very difficult time the best way she knew how and I commend her for that.

This memoir is very well-written and short at less than 200 pages so I blew through it in two sittings. Ms. Cohen has a way of capturing the reader's attention at every turn of the page until you know the outcome of her story. I couldn't put the book down.

[Vicki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading this book not sure if I’d like it or not. I didn’t know if the author wrote it in a way I would enjoy, because of the sensitive subject. And for the first few pages I still wasn’t sure. But before long, I was hooked. I didn’t want to put it down and read it in two sittings. I would have read it in one if I hadn’t had to stop and do things that had to be done.

The writing is terrific, as is the story. And it’s a true story. One that I can’t imagine going through. It is at times happy, and others very deeply sad. It’s full of confusion, worries and very hard decisions. And a lot of happiness and love. The author is very funny at times too.

Alice Eve Cohen holds nothing back in this book. She shares her thoughts and feelings through this time with an openness that surprised and touched me. I felt like I was listening to a friend talk.

I’ve seen a few negative reviews, saying that the author was self centered and only thinking about herself. I didn’t get that from the book at all. She was devastated that she didn’t know she was pregnant for the first 6 months and so she had been drinking etc. Because of that, her baby was subjected to things that weren’t at all good for him/her, and didn’t get the care needed, like vitamins. She also was told the baby would more than likely have a few devastating health disabilities, due to her age and her own medical conditions. That was the reason she had the thoughts she did. But, she still did whatever the doctors told her to do for the safety of her unborn child.

This book was so good. Really really good. The best memoir I’ve ever read.

If you haven’t read this book, go get a copy. It’s a quick read that is packed with a very emotional story.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alice Eve Cohen’s memoir is honest, deeply moving, and at times humorous. At age 44, Alice is happy with the way her life is going. Divorced, she has found Mr. Right and is headed down the path to marriage. Her adopted daughter is thriving, and her career as a storyteller and performer is flourishing. What more could she want? She was settled into the life she wanted when suddenly she started experiencing mysterious symptoms. After a visit to her gynecologist, the doctor told her she was going through menopause. She had a hard belly and eventually after x-rays and months of other tests, she had a CAT scan. Her diagnosis was a shock. She was six months pregnant, was a DES daughter who would undoubtedly deliver her baby early, and she had no prenatal care up to now. She had been on medications and there was a possibility the baby would be born with problems.
How could she be pregnant? All these months the doctors had been telling her she was depressed, menopausal, anemic, preoccupied with the possibility of having cancer, and she was supposedly infertile. She was high risk and no doctor wanted to take her on as a patient because of the six months she had no prenatal care.
Alice considers all of her options, openly and honestly. She is genuine and straightforward and doesn't hesitate to describe exactly how difficult it was for her to make the decision she did concerning her baby. It is hard to talk about her story without giving too much away so I will leave it here. It is a book you won’t want to put down. I recommend this as a five-star book.

[Literary Mama]

From "Essential Reading: Desiring Motherhood" by Literary Mama staff:

Literary Reflections Editor Andrea Lani shares, "The most compelling motherhood memoir I've ever read is What I Thought I Knew by Alice Eve Cohen. Cohen doesn't desire motherhood; on the contrary, due to medical conditions caused by having been exposed to diethylstilbestrol (DES) in the womb, she had been told she was unable to have children and had adopted a daughter several years before she began experiencing symptoms of exhaustion and a growing lump in her abdomen. When the truth is revealed, Cohen wants nothing to do with the baby growing inside of her. Cohen's story gallops with an urgency that grabbed me by the throat and didn't let go as one calamity after another befalls her. What I Thought I Knew is a deeply personal story of ambivalent motherhood while, at the same time, it is a story of the brokenness of our medical system, from the catastrophic use of DES in pregnant women to the failure of Cohen's doctors to diagnose her pregnancy to the refusal of her insurance company to treat her pregnancy as high-risk, despite her advanced maternal age, medical history, and lack of early prenatal care."

Literary Mama's full Essential Reading post can be found here: http://www.literarymama.com/litreflec...

[Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alice has long since reconciled with her infertility. Although she is recently divorced, she is planning to marry her boyfriend who loves her 9-year old adopted daughter as much as she does. At the age of 44, she is finally beginning to feel happiness as she plans her wedding. However, she begins to suffer strange abdominal symptoms from an illness her doctor cannot seem to diagnose. Although the doctor tells her to the contrary, she begins to suspect she is pregnant. However, the pregnancy test comes back negative. An ultrasound performed for the purpose of looking for a tumor reveals that she is almost 20 weeks pregnant (turns out that a pregnancy test only works in the first trimester). The rest of this incredible story deals with her struggles to accept what a pregnancy means for her at her advanced maternal age, and the real possibility of severe complications to the fetus. This, compounded by the fact that no doctor, even a high-risk pregnancy doctor, would accept her as a patient at such a late stage of the pregnancy. Spell-binding…