Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer?

by Dana Scott Spears (Contributor), Ron Braund (Contributor)

Your child may be a sensitive dreamer he forgets to follow instructions, no matter how clear and simple, she craves praise and positive attention, yet refuses to conform to what's expected, he tells more than his share of fibs and tall tales. If you recognize these actions in your child, you know the frustration of turning to parenting experts for advice only to find the systems don't work, the rules don't stick and strong boundary setting makes the situation worse. The creative-sensitive dreamer is not the strong-willed child. Get this book and learn how to parent your special needs child who is principle -oriented rather than rule-oriented, highly creative, overly sensitive and frustrated at a world that fails to live up to the ideal.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Education

256 pages, Paperback

First published February 9, 1996

Reviews

[Jessica Doolittle Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't stop thinking about this book. I have read a number of books on parenting/personality type, etc, but this one seems to fill a gap and describes my daughter far more effectively Instead of pegging children on the strong willed vs. compliant continuum (thank you for that, Dr. Dobson), the author introduces a third type, the dreamer, who might react in a similar way to the strong-willed child, but for entirely different reasons. If you are like me and have spent many fruitless hours being athoritative and consistently disciplining your child, only to have her rages ever heat up, this is the book for you.

I would have liked the author to have gone further, though. Even though there are examples of different types of dreamers in the book (extroverted vs. introverted, for example), I would have appreciated a more detailed description of dreamer subtypes.

I will be reading this book many, many more times down the road.

[Emily M · Rating 2 out of 5]

A friend lent me this book because she thought it might apply to one or two of my kids. Nope, after going through the questionnaire, none of my five kids are dreamers, and my strong-willed middle child truly is a normal strong-willed child. Reading through, it just doesn't apply to any of my crew, and I'm not sold on their breakdown of personality traits in general. I felt like this book was pretty soft on facts and mainly descriptive, and while it referenced Dobson and was published by a Christian publisher, it wasn't particularly Biblically based. I am definitely not a dreamer or a sensitive person myself, so I always find myself sort of annoyed by touchy feely parenting books without some hard data backing up assertions. This might be more helpful for parents with a different personality and obviously with kids who fit the mold.

I understand more about why my friend parents her kids the way she does, thinking they're dreamers, so I guess the book gave me insights into some of our different parenting philosophies.

[Heather Lambert-Shemo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was incredibly helpful in providing perspective on the complicated mind of two of our three children. I've read it at least three times now. Understanding the underlying meaning behind why they sometimes behave as they do, has been a godsend. None of the other books I read on how to deal with "strong-willed children" worked. Well, that's because our kids are not typical "strong-willed" kids. As this book describes, they are "creative sensitives" which requires a completely different set of skills than helping "strong-willed" kids. Creative sensitives are so often misunderstood. It's such a shame.

[Angie Shoemaker · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I would have read this book when my children were very young. I still can’t decide if my oldest boy is a dreamer or not, but I am certain after reading this book that I didn’t handle or interpret his behavior correctly. Even if none of my children are dreamers, this book has intriguing and helpful parenting tips.

[Heather Noggle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a dreamer, and I found this book helpful.

[Eliza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding resource for raising children and understanding people better!

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this to puzzle out one of my most awesome and challenging students, a second grader who fits the profile to a T. He's a smart cookie brimming over with vivid creativity and emotional intelligence, but he's always getting sent to me with piles of unfinished work and tales of woe at being misunderstood by his teacher and family. Thanks to Inder for diagnosing him as a dreamer!

This book isn't brilliantly written but it's a unique resource and worth a skim. You're guaranteed to find plenty of aha moments as you recognize someone close to you, or even aspects of your own personality. Easy to find what you're looking for, in my case the several chapters devoted to how dreamers learn. Really interesting stuff. For example, why they don't learn through practice exercises, why they take boredom (and everything else) personally, and why they struggle more at different ages.

Some of the strategies for dealing with dreamers is great, like specific language to avoid that pushes their buttons. Some of the advice is lacking (The authors raise the question of how to get dreamers to do their homework but never answer it!) and some I'm just not crazy about. But with your newfound insight into how your kid ticks you can draw on other resources to find a parenting/teaching style that works for you.

By the way, the authors are kind of adorably Christian! There's nothing dogmatic and the book is intended for people from all walks of life, but just be warned that their frame of reference might be rather different than yours. Sooo many anecdotes about church groups and reminders about loving people the way god made them...

[Mary · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought the authors were trying to narrowly define a group of children. So much so that while I could definitely relate on some terms, I absolutely could not on other terms and thought that somehow the authors would exclude me from their narrow definition of dreamer. I am absolutely a dreamer though, just not manifested in all the ways they say it should be. I have a son who is highly sensitive and internally perfectionistic like they describe dreamers but he is not a daydreamer and is very practical. According to this book if he is not otherwise a dreamer and has angry outbursts that must mean he is a troubled child. I have another child who is every bit a dreamer except he is not highly sensitive. I felt like if you don't meet all of their criteria you are not a dreamer and therefore this book doesn't apply. Except that all of their recommendations for parenting these types of children are applicable to any child and I wouldn't even consider the advice anything new or inspiring. Overall, not a very professional or well written book.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book for understanding why my son seemed so different and "stubborn" or strong-willed. I read this several times over the years to remind me where he was coming from. I have also given it to school counselors and shared with other parents. The last parent I loaned it to said she needed to learn to be the wind in her son's sails and not try to chart his direction. I agree wholeheartedly. This book is about both boys and girls who are strong-willed and determined to do it there way. I think all parents would benefit from it.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book opened my eyes to a different perspective on the old strong-willed/compliant spectrum of child development doctrines. Somewhere in there is the dreamer, and he/she requires a whole new parenting style. Wish I'd read this when my kids were young. I made lots of mistakes trying to force triangular pegs into round and/or square holes. How I thank the Lord for His mercy and grace.

[Gina Lynette · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is all about the child with a Myers-Briggs _NF_ personality. I am one and I have one... so there was validation and insights galore in this book! If you have one of those kids who seems like a bull in a china shop but breaks into a million pieces on contact, this book may be your saving grace.

[Jill Hardy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a great idea to read for someone who has a drama queen for a little girl or a sensitive little boy. I have been struggling with how to handle the easy to cry child and this book gave me some great ideas. This book was a easy and smooth read.

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very insightful, and has helped me to understand my dreamer child. I highly recommend this book for parents & families with dreamer children.

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. Helped me to look at my son, Lucas, differently.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book for defining a personality type, but it felt very general to me - as if most any child could fit into this description.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best parenting book ever for us! Absolutely descriptive of brothers, son, self-as-a-child. Extremely insightful and life-changing.