Mothering Your Nursing Toddler

by Norma Jane Bumgarner

How long are you going to nurse your baby? Six months? Eight months? A year? What if you celebrate your baby's first birthday and your little one is still nursing, with no sign of letting up any time soon? Many a modern mother has felt as though she has embarked on uncharted waters as she continues to breastfeed a child into toddlerhood. The child's need to nurse is clear- but mother has lots of questions.



In this revised edition of Mothering Your Nursing Toddler author Norma Jane Bumgarner puts the experience of nursing an older baby or child in perspective, within the context of the entire mother-child relationship. She cites biological, cultural, and historical evidence in support of extended breastfeeding and shares stories gleaned from thousands of families in which nursing and natural weaning have been the norm. With warm insight into the needs of both mothers and children, this book covers what parents need to know about nursing toddlers.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Health

208 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 1982

Reviews

[Alice McLeod · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book didn't give me as much as I'd hoped for in terms of helpful, practical advice for nursing a toddler—when it came down to it, most of her advice was either stuff I'd already figured out for myself (nursing a 19-month-old, here) or stuff that didn't directly apply to my situation (for instance, all my friends are very pro-extended-breastfeeding, so I don't have to deal with negative peer pressure).

The reason I'm giving the book a two-star rating, though, is I was annoyed by a lot of the implicit assumptions the author seemed to be making about her readers (that we are middle-to-upper class WASPs, that we're stay-at-home moms, that we drive everywhere in cars, that we're in heterosexual relationships but also that our husbands are largely just obstacles to be overcome on the path to proper baby-rearing...), and also I found author's explicit stance against working mothers frankly offensive.

[Maria · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was helpful to me when I entered the world of nursing my toddler, though it does appear to operate on the assumption that the mother nursing for this duration is a stay-at-home or work-at-home mom, so some of the book rubbed me a bit the wrong way.

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a breath of fresh air to see normal life with a nursing toddler!

A great read for anyone considering nursing beyond the one year mark. I liked that this book was focused on the benefits of continued nursing while never stating exactly how long one should nurse.

This book is full of support & comfort. Helpful when you're living in a society that is completely uninformed as to how the relationship of nursing ends naturally.

I enjoyed the personal anecdotes, although there weren't many.

It is a book about breastfeeding toddlers, and it gives very good information about why toddlers continue nursing, how to deal with criticism, and how to find a balance between baby's needs and mother's feelings.

A favorite quote:
"...a child's needs for intensive parenting, like needs for food, go away once they are satisfied and remain when they are not."
"There is no form of parental management which will teach a young child not to hunger for great helpings of attention. Rather than wasting effort, to say nothing of peace and potentially happy times, in trying to teach a young child to get along with less of her parents' days and nights, it is far wiser to give that time freely, and to make good use of it for teaching really valuable and lasting lessons - like how to love, how to play, and where to find the peanut butter."

The book also contained a chapter discussing nursing and its impact on sex between the mother and father. I must admit, I skipped this section, being short on time, and after reading the first paragraph or so where it gave me permission, as I, like the majority of nursing women, have not been negatively effected in this area of my life. Surprising to me was that I was in the majority, as I've heard so many anecdotal reports of the opposite.
I also skipped a rather lengthy chapter about "getting enough rest" as that has not been a problem for me, either.

This book is aimed at stay-at-home mothers. Employed mothers may get more out of "Nursing Mother, Working Mother"

[Kameron · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great book! I am nursing my 26-month old son and while I thought I was strong enough to withstand the social pressures against this, I realized as I read how much I needed this encouragement. It was like sitting in a room full of older women smiling and patting me on the back for following my mother instincts to not pressure my son to wean when he is clearly not ready to do so. There are a lot of specific facts (history of breastfeeding into older years, cultural examples, benefits to child and mother, etc.), a section for fathers of nursing toddlers, descriptions of various weaning practices and many individual stories that all combine to make a really helpful, encouraging resource. I'm putting this on the shelf right next to my treasured "Nighttime Parenting Book" and "Baby Book" by Bill and Martha Sears and I know I will return to it when I start doubting myself again.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the best book on breastfeeding available. I didn't read it till my son was nearly 2 but the book really starts with the 1 year old. I would highly recommend this to moms when their child is 9 or 10 months old or to anyone who wants to know more about the "normal" course of nursing. It gives lots of good information on why stopping nursing at 1 year old is not "normal" in the context of history, world-wide nursing practices and compared to other primates.
Even though The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is held up as THE BOOK on breastfeeding, I found Mothering your Nursing Toddler to be much more informative and interesting.

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

great resource for nursing a toddler when you feel like you are the only one! I did find that it really lacked advice on how to go about weaning or examples & support of weaning. Yes, child led weaning. But what about when both parties are not in it together...or when your 3.5 yo is showing no interest in slowing down or nursing less frequently let alone weaning!! LLL really needs to have a book about weaning as well as all of their other great supportive books. I find their support with this lacking...and I know that I am not the only one who has struggled with this.

[Kenzi · Rating 5 out of 5]

How had I not read this before? This is fantastic for anyone considering or currently nursing past a year. Wonderful resource.

[Heidi Dumke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know every woman has different experiences with breastfeeding. For me, I'm someone who thought I was barely going to make it to 3 months, and then I found ways to make it work day by day. It has become integral to my mothering in ways I didn’t expect.

When I finally picked up "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler," I was already past the stage of “is breastfeeding even possible?” and deep into the surprise that it had become a cornerstone of my relationship with my child. Before that, I had read "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding," which provided the foundation for me even to consider continuing beyond infancy, and "The Fussy Baby Book," which reassured me about her nursing habits since mainstream info out there is very rigid and often tells you not to do this or that because those are "bad habits."

Once I started reading this book, I felt that it provided me with valuable information on the reality of breastfeeding during the toddler years and beyond. It normalized something that in our American culture often feels invisible, misunderstood, or even judged. The book tackles not just the “how” but the “why” of how nursing continues to meet real needs (nutritional, emotional, and relational). Also, why it can still feel right even when the world tells you to stop, and how it can weave into family life. I underlined so many passages where I thought, yes, that’s precisely what I’m experiencing!

Reading it reminded me how little we talk about long-term breastfeeding, and how few systemic supports exist to make it feasible for more mothers. I had no concept of the benefits until I experienced them myself (there's a lot to say about that), and books like this provide both language and validation, because, honestly, I've been doing a lot of this work on my own, especially in the context of parenting a spirited little one.

If you’re nursing a toddler and wondering if it’s “normal” or if you’re the only one—this book is a gift. I definitely understand more deeply how breastfeeding could be not just a continuation, but a whole new stage of connection!

[Margot · Rating 5 out of 5]

This out-of-print book is all about nursing your baby up through toddler-hood and allowing them to self-wean when ready. I acquired it when on the search for materials about nursing your infant beyond one year--a subject on which I've found a dearth of material. What does it look like to nurse a toddler? What are the tips and tricks and need-to-knows? Mothering Your Nursing Toddler contains them all, as well as a great chapter on the history of nursing and what is considered "normal" around the world, currently and historically.

One of the best tips I got from this book was about developing a code word early on with your toddler, so that, when they request to nurse in the company of others who are not in the know, your guests will have no idea what the toddler is talking about. That way, your nursing life stays private while not having to worry about teaching toddler what's appropriate in company before they're ready.

This is a must-read for anyone considering nursing past 1 to 2 years old.

[Hannah Herrera · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this book is very dated, I did find it helpful when deciding when and how to wean my baby. I started reading it because I wanted to keep nursing until my baby was 2 and wanted support, but after reading it, I actually felt peace about starting to wean at 1. Not exactly the point of the book, which is very pro-toddler nursing. But it showed me what my life would look like for the next year if I continued nursing, and I decided that's not what I want but am happy for those who do want that. It has helpful tips for biting, maternal health, s*xual health, and managing social pressures.

[Melinda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know it's an old book, but being listed as a Unique Circumstance because I work full time and am still nursing my daughter (15+ months and going strong) was depressing. I walked away from the book feeling very discouraged. Everything was geared towards Stay at Home Moms and so made me feel like crap for having to work. I also found her to be very wordy and repetitive. I will not recommend this to my friends who are still nursing.

[Zulaika Hernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

An awesome resource that helped to reassure me that each breastfeeding journey with our child is different and we can work through the nursing relationship as we find best between mother and child.

Read this book if you are questioning or being questioned about weaning your child off the breast.

Includes 4 pages, of over 200 references. Also a great resource guide of other books and organizations regarding children’s health as related to breastfeeding.

[Rachel Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic resource, even twenty or so years later. Interesting to see how many of the same issues face mothers, women, fathers, and people in general.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! Great parenting advice. She is opinionated but it's refreshing since she is so not PC. Very valuable and applicable info for bfing moms.

[Rachel · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can't finish this book. I just can't do it.

This book is a relic -- a historical document, a "time capsule" if you will, depicting a time period not so very long ago in which it was largely assumed that women would stay home with their children, that their "ninnies" were expected to be for their husbands... heck, that they would have husbands in the first place. Through these and other assumptions, Norma Jane Bumgarner targets such a narrow readership that I cannot, in good conscience, refer this book to others.

This is not to say the book is without any good advice. Certainly there are a few gems to be gleaned: good advice about weaning, for example, and common-sense but helpful reminders about self-care and communicating the benefits of extended nursing to others. Bumgarner addresses tandem nursing (nursing a baby and a toddler together), and talks about how to manage the toddlers' conflicting emotions regarding both the arrival of a sibling and weaning. For a reader who fits neatly within the narrow construct she assumes -- heterosexual, married stay-at-home moms in their late twenties or early thirties, with a strong family and social support network and plenty of money -- it might be easy to quickly skim through the pages and easily absorb the advice she gently doles out.

For any other reader, this book may be stomach-turning. Her expository passages about how breastfeeding won't make your son turn out to be gay (something to do with how the "virile" British sailors who defeated the Spanish Armada were themselves breastfed into toddlerhood) and other similarly unnecessary tangents border so much on the ludicrous that reading this book becomes almost painful. Husbands/partners aren't generally bungling idiots when it comes to the needs of their family and their children. Breastfeeding mothers are generally pretty educated and self-aware. None of us needs to read a book that seems to be a platform for espousing outdated "ideals" about what a woman should be once she enters marriage and motherhood. I got two-thirds of the way through, and I just can't do it anymore.

I breastfed my son for more than two years. I did it while working, and he's turning out just fine. And for reference, I bottlefed my oldest, and she's pretty okay too. So are her two sisters who only breastfed for about 3-4 months. The judgment cast in the pages of this book hasn't changed my view of that. Don't let it change yours either. You do you. And read a different book if you're looking for usable advice about breastfeeding beyond infancy.

[Meredith · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a guide specifically focused on breastfeeding past age 1.

There isn't much nuts and bolts instruction aside from a few pointers here and there . . . although any mother who has successfully breastfed a child for 12 months probably doesn't need that kind of help. The sections on weaning and particularly how to wean gently are the most helpful when it comes to technical support, but yet again instead of a firm set of steps the author provides broad guidelines.

This book is most useful as moral support for mothers who wish to nurse their child past the one year. For mothers doubting themselves under criticism from their families, societies, strangers, etc . . ., this book is filled anthropological findings, scientific data, personal anecdotes, and general guidelines created by mothers who nursed their children as long as five to seven years. Woman who don't believe in extended nursing won't be converted by this book despite all the benefits it describes, but women who do will enjoy the companionship it offers and may feel vindicated by the scientific findings offered, various cultural traditions described, and historical precedents cited.

[Sonya Feher · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mothering Your Nursing Toddler is a great resource if you use the table of contents to find what you’re looking for rather than reading from cover to cover. The book’s title is apt and the book covers why one would nurse a child into toddlerhood, how nursing changes as a child ages, other considerations with nursing (like tandem nursing, rest, fathers), and weaning. I particularly found Parts Three and Four on “Nursing Your Toddler Year by Year” and “Weaning” helpful. Though looking at all of that seems a long way off, it’s nice to have an idea about our options.

I did find the book to have a bias against pacifiers and bottles and though she talks about pumping to keep up milk supply and acknowledges that many mothers work, she must assume that toddlers are drinking expressed milk out of sippy cups, because she doesn’t deal with the reality that breastfed babies (and some toddlers) drink breast milk out of bottles. Nor does she talk about how weaning might be different for working mothers because of this.

[Lacey Louwagie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just my regularly scheduled dosage of a book to reaffirm my pre-existing beliefs about parenting and feel like a good mom.

Seriously, though, this book was very welcome because it seems like almost all the community and information available about nursing is centered around the first year of life, and tilted heavily toward those early weeks when Mom and baby are first establishing the nursing relationship. As I continued to nurse well past my son's first birthday, I found I didn't really have questions about nursing so much as I just felt really alone, as babies that were born well after him were weaning left and right. So this book helped affirm that there ARE other families taking a more gradual approach, that even such an approach does not mean your baby will nurse FOREVER, and that by and large the kids seem to turn out fine. And even though I'm sure not a ton has changed in nursing philosophies since this book was published, it is a little disheartening when one has to turn to books that are decades old for a little parenting reassurance.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was helpful in terms of being very supportive. It can be appropriate for various ages of children, from 9 months, to 18 months, to older nurslings. It's definitely presented as that babies need to nurse a lot, so it could come across wrong to someone who truly wants to wean sooner, that they aren't meeting their baby's needs. I didn't feel like I necessarily learned anything specific, but it was reassuring to me, that my baby's behavior is normal, my feelings and responses are normal. Suggestions it gave for changing things didn't really help me.

There is a chapter for fathers.

My favorite idea is that toddlers (around 18 months) are really just babies on wheels. Helpful when feeling like they are too big too nurse.

[Afton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some parts of this book were kind of bland and obvious, like "Many mothers are finding that a ceiling fan keeps their baby cooler on a hot night..." (duh).

That being said, I really did enjoy reading this, and felt very validated at the end. I feel like this quote from the introduction sums it up: "Increasingly we are learning for sure that if we turn away from our children instead of turning away from things, the children's unmet needs may grow in them and burden them and their families in one way or another for years to come. It is usually easier to do the hard work of mothering to do it right, and do it when it needs to be done.

[Faye · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you don't know anyone who is nursing or has nursed a toddler, if you have no community to support your breastfeeding efforts and answer your questions, then you might want to read this book. If you don't fall into that category, then you might find about 10% of the book interesting or helpful. I was reading it to fill a requirement, so I was bored stiff, but it might not have been so bad if I could have just skipped around to relevant parts. I'm glad this book exists, but I didn't need to read it.

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book for reaffirming your choice to nurse past a year. It had quite a few little tips and tricks in it as well that many of us learned through trial and error, but perhaps will not have to learn the hard way with the next issue! It was a very supportive book as well. It was pretty strident about not weaning cold-turkey, but that is to be expected (it just might hurt someone who, say, had to wean quickly for a medical reason) but it also had some good gentle weaning tips for those who are at that point.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like the supportive tone of the book. Even those who are quite open to breastfeeding longer than a year do need a reminder of why they are doing it. The book reminds mothers that it's not really the nursing that is the problem - kids are quite dependent whether or not they are nursing. I thought it ironic that the author kept referring to early potty training as a negative thing, while growing numbers of mothers who do nurse toddlers are doing elimination communication. But I think she's talking about the forceful early potty training several decades ago.

[Jamie Hornych · Rating 2 out of 5]

You know how when you review a scientific report all the stuff you really *need* to know is in the conclusion at the end? Here's your conclusion: Just keep giving them boob. It's good for them. It's good for you. I wouldn't recommend reading the rest of the book unless you don't feel comfortable with my conclusion or you really get a kick out of books about breastfeeding.

I read the parts I thought I could use. Otherwise, after 3 years of nursing one child, I guess I'm over the topic. Perhaps if I read this two years ago I would have found more bits of interest.

[Stefanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this before Hazel turned a year old thinking there would be some helpful info in it for the coming year(s), and maybe there are, but I had/have a hard time getting past Bumgarner's HORRIBLE (imho) writing! Her writing voice is that of a first year college student (at best), still struggling through the demands of ENG 101. Great subject matter, but perhaps someone else could have done it better.

[Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book to read when your child is 9 months old and approaching the "restless, distracted" stage so many moms interpret to be a sign of weaning.

This book would also be a very reassuring read for a mother who finds herself unsure about continuing to nurse her toddler for whatever reason (what others think, are there health benefits past 1l12 months, pressure from family to stop,etc.)

A few minutes with this book always helps me reaffirm what I love about nursing my toddler.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gem! Critics of this book say it lacks evidence-based research, but I'm not sure if they read the book because it was full of citations of scientific studies to show why nursing a child from day one to six or more years is still beneficial and in no way harmful for baby/child and mommy. It also contains a good balance of anecdotal evidence. I enjoyed every minute of it and it was just what I needed to give me the boost to keep going despite external (and internal) pressure to wean.

[Rhea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, it's not often I finish a book cover to cover so quickly (a day!). It takes a lot to keep my attention.
Then again it's not that often that I read something that seems to have jumped into my head & soul and written down everything I've felt, wondered or experienced.
Best bf book I've read; some of the LL stuff might be a bit 'hippy' for some and I certainly don't think it's the only way to mother or bf, so just take out the bits that apply to you and your child x

[Alicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was expecting to read a book about nursing. What this book was more about was mothering your toddler. There was a section about nursing, but I think this book had lots of great information for dealing with a toddler even if you aren't nursing. I gave it four stars out of five only because it wasn't exactly what I expected.

[Kit · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I really liked about this book was that it focused on the benefits of continued nursing while not providing any concrete ideas about how long one should nurse. I only wish that she hadn't offered so much poor advice about work (much of which is unrealistic for many families) and dealing with elimination needs and had spoke more about the experience of nursing past the age of three.