Mourning and Dancing: A Memoir of Grief and Recovery

by Sally Miller

Robert Downham died on Wednesday, August 23, 1967 of Reticulum Cell Sarcoma. Three weeks before he died, he did not know he was sick. Nine days after diagnosis, he was dead. This is his story, and the story of Sally, his young wife and mother of his two young children, and all the others whose lives touched his life - and who had to go on living. It is about life and death and grief and the lessons that the survivors learned. This inspiring work chronicles Sally Miller's thirty-year journey of grief and recovery. A professional educator, Dr. Miller has constructed a book that leads readers through their grief as they read about hers. Along with her own moving story, Miller provides a framework that readers can use to identify and process their own grief. Mourning and Dancing is designed for people who are trying to cope with any loss, even if years have passed since the loss or losses occurred. Its format includes true-life stories of the author's family and individuals with whom she has walked through grief. The vignette-style of presentation allows the newly aggrieved to read the book in small doses, a key ingredient for healing. Written after thirty years of learning, this touching book will show readers how to incorporate loss into their lives, how to live with the pain, and how to have hope and heal as a result of that brave endeavor.

232 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 1999

Reviews

[Kimberly Wojciehowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 Stars!! (extra brownie points because she went to Purdue hehe)

Many people know about the trauma I have experienced in my life, and when picking a book for my counseling class, I decided on this one. When it comes to loss of a loved one, there is no right way to cope and grieve, but I think it would have been beneficial for me to have a resource or hear of other people's experiences with grief. My trauma happened at a young age, and I felt very lost and uncertain about life. I think that it has altered a lot of my views on life and I often find myself reflecting on my situation and how it all played out. This book provided me with the role as an outsider, learning and reading about the author's journey and experience. It reminded me everyone's journey looks different, you don't fully understand what another person is going through, and that it is okay to be uncertain and feel a lot of emotions. The "Lessons Learned" part of this book really solidified that I should not feel bad about the way I reacted to my trauma, which I often do beat myself up about. Great book , well written, very informational - I will probably revisit this book often when feeling down and need advice:)

[Sharon Bromberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir that explores grief's experience (expressing and suppressing).
Very much a faith based view.

[Sandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read so many words and sentences that I have said to myself over the past eight years. That made me realize that my regrets of things left unsaid to my loved one when he was dying are not strange or personal just to me. The author put into very plain words what grief is and how to manage it. She stressed that people do not "get over it in time" but rather that they learn how to go on with their lives. She also reassured me when he wrote that some people take six months, some six years and some twenty years to be able to move forward with their lives without being overcome by grief.

[Shari Warren · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. I had read several years ago, but not since Kent's death. Author lives in Lafayette area and conducts grief groups on a regular basis.
Her story of being a young wife, married to a high school football coach (Elwood, Indiana). He develops cancer and dies at the age of 24. It is her story of being a single mother of two young children, returning to Purdue to get a degree, and trying to work through her own grief. Anyone who has lost someone they loved will be able to identify with her story.

[Janice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was loaned to me by Dagmar. It deals with death and the grief process. Although Sally Miller's experience with the death of her husband was quite a bit different from the death of my brother, I still found it extremely helpful. Death is death and we all have to deal with it eventually. Her insight, faith and humor were much appreciated.