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I See You, Survivor: Life Inside (and Outside) the Totally F*cked-Up Troubled Teen Industry
A survivor of the Troubled Teen Industry exposes the truth about the dark side of a billion-dollar industry's institutionalized abuse—and shares the story of her own fight for justice.
Liz Ianelli, known around the world as Survivor993, spent years at the Family Foundation—labeled an “institution for troubled teens.” The children who went through The Family School like her were good people. They had potential and dreams, but they came out with lifelong trauma: anxious, angry, paranoid, self-hating and in pain. Most of them have suffered lives of hardship, unable to integrate back into society. Hundreds have died, mostly by overdose and suicide.
I See You, Survivor is about what really happened at The Family and what continues to happen at thousands of facilities like it. Beyond the trauma, this book is about triumph, resilience, and an effort to help others, and it conveys Liz’s critical message for every survivor she sees:
“You are not broken. You are not unlovable. And you are not alone. There are millions of us. And I come with a message, for you, for them, for everyone: They act strong, but we are stronger. We are worthy. We are not alone. Speak, and we will be there for you. Speak, because there is power in your testimony. Speak, and we will win.”
This is a book first and foremost for survivors who can find support and community in these stories. It is also for parents, counselors, law makers and others to expose this industry for what it is: child abuse. And how that abuse has consequences for all of us.
Liz Ianelli, known around the world as Survivor993, spent years at the Family Foundation—labeled an “institution for troubled teens.” The children who went through The Family School like her were good people. They had potential and dreams, but they came out with lifelong trauma: anxious, angry, paranoid, self-hating and in pain. Most of them have suffered lives of hardship, unable to integrate back into society. Hundreds have died, mostly by overdose and suicide.
I See You, Survivor is about what really happened at The Family and what continues to happen at thousands of facilities like it. Beyond the trauma, this book is about triumph, resilience, and an effort to help others, and it conveys Liz’s critical message for every survivor she sees:
“You are not broken. You are not unlovable. And you are not alone. There are millions of us. And I come with a message, for you, for them, for everyone: They act strong, but we are stronger. We are worthy. We are not alone. Speak, and we will be there for you. Speak, because there is power in your testimony. Speak, and we will win.”
This is a book first and foremost for survivors who can find support and community in these stories. It is also for parents, counselors, law makers and others to expose this industry for what it is: child abuse. And how that abuse has consequences for all of us.
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Published August 29, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
August 27, 2023
I am scared right now. I am so scared you will think I'm crazy or dangerous for admitting that. I'm scared you will close this book and say, I thought Liz was strong, that she was a fighter and a survivor, but this...this feels like too much. (loc. 507*)
Ianelli was fifteen when her parents sent her to the Family—a "therapeutic boarding school" for troubled teenagers. She was eighteen when the facility could no longer hold her against her will and she left—but the trauma of her experience didn't end there.
On the surface, the troubled teen industry seems to be doing a good thing: taking at-risk youth and putting them in programs that are heavy on structure. The claims are big—that they save teenagers from addiction, promiscuity, early death. But the facts are bigger: the industry is unregulated, staff are rarely adequately trained, abuse is rampant, and reports of deaths at (and, critically, after) such programs are high. (And then the programs explain it all away by saying "they were already troubled, not our fault, at least we kept them alive for a few extra months or years".) I've read a fair amount about the troubled teen industry already, enough to go into Ianelli's book expecting abuse. And, well, that's what's in here. Physical, sexual, emotional, medical, spiritual abuse—let's just say that the Family didn't do things by halves.
It's a complicated, messy story, a manifesto and a lament and a confession and a record all rolled up in a ball of rage. The voice will likely be hit or miss for readers, but Ianelli is doing something valuable in her focus on not just her time in the Family but the continued struggle that came after, as a direct result of those years at the Family. I don't recommend going into this blind, because, as Ianelli notes, survivors of such programs (I hesitate to call them "schools") are often doubted—as in, "okay, it wasn't a good place, but surely it can't have been that bad". Sometimes it's easier to believe reports of abuse if they come from an outside source, so if this is a new topic for you...find some outside sources too, because these are voices and stories that should be taken seriously.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Ianelli was fifteen when her parents sent her to the Family—a "therapeutic boarding school" for troubled teenagers. She was eighteen when the facility could no longer hold her against her will and she left—but the trauma of her experience didn't end there.
On the surface, the troubled teen industry seems to be doing a good thing: taking at-risk youth and putting them in programs that are heavy on structure. The claims are big—that they save teenagers from addiction, promiscuity, early death. But the facts are bigger: the industry is unregulated, staff are rarely adequately trained, abuse is rampant, and reports of deaths at (and, critically, after) such programs are high. (And then the programs explain it all away by saying "they were already troubled, not our fault, at least we kept them alive for a few extra months or years".) I've read a fair amount about the troubled teen industry already, enough to go into Ianelli's book expecting abuse. And, well, that's what's in here. Physical, sexual, emotional, medical, spiritual abuse—let's just say that the Family didn't do things by halves.
It's a complicated, messy story, a manifesto and a lament and a confession and a record all rolled up in a ball of rage. The voice will likely be hit or miss for readers, but Ianelli is doing something valuable in her focus on not just her time in the Family but the continued struggle that came after, as a direct result of those years at the Family. I don't recommend going into this blind, because, as Ianelli notes, survivors of such programs (I hesitate to call them "schools") are often doubted—as in, "okay, it wasn't a good place, but surely it can't have been that bad". Sometimes it's easier to believe reports of abuse if they come from an outside source, so if this is a new topic for you...find some outside sources too, because these are voices and stories that should be taken seriously.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
March 7, 2023
Book 5 of 2023, I See You Survivor: Lif Inside and Outside the Totally F*cked Up Troubled Teen Industry by Liz Ianelli, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️(4/5 stars)
After reading this book, I can say with certainty that I will never ever EVER send a child to a troubled teen placement. My gosh, Ianelli lays out the horrifying abuse—mental, physical, and sexual— and it is absolutely mind-staggering that no leader has stepped in to stop the atrocities. Prior to reading this memoir, I had little idea of what the “troubled teen” industry was, other than a news bit involving Paris Hilton alleging abuse as a teen. I See You Survivor is an important read because it gives a very realistic portrait of the after-effects of enduring this form of torture (severe mental health issues and staggering rates of suicide). This book is a heavy read, but important. It definitely has trigger points so if that is something that concerns you, go ahead and google those.
Shout out to Hachette Books for sending me an advanced copy of this book!!
After reading this book, I can say with certainty that I will never ever EVER send a child to a troubled teen placement. My gosh, Ianelli lays out the horrifying abuse—mental, physical, and sexual— and it is absolutely mind-staggering that no leader has stepped in to stop the atrocities. Prior to reading this memoir, I had little idea of what the “troubled teen” industry was, other than a news bit involving Paris Hilton alleging abuse as a teen. I See You Survivor is an important read because it gives a very realistic portrait of the after-effects of enduring this form of torture (severe mental health issues and staggering rates of suicide). This book is a heavy read, but important. It definitely has trigger points so if that is something that concerns you, go ahead and google those.
Shout out to Hachette Books for sending me an advanced copy of this book!!
March 14, 2024
"Body and soul, I am more of a battlefield than a human being,” -Nietzsche
Nietzsche could be describing Liz.
This reads like a wet blanket slowly suffocating you. There is no escape. There is no break. Liz just proceeds to bleed on you. And bleed, and bleed. A couple years ago, I heard a really good statement from writing teacher “write from your scars not from your wounds” and I think that applies here. This book shows you her wounds, her anger, her resentment, her pain, unfortunately at the expense of telling a coherent story. A lot of this book is a sort of fugue state. Undigested food. And I feel terrible saying that because I've been there. Trauma is like looking at your memories through a broken window at times. I went to a similar set of schools. I carry a similar list.
Not to be too fucking cliché, but there’s an idea about the stages of grief. And I think from my experience something similar probably applies to trauma. Liz seems caught in the anger. She wears it like a cloak. A blanket you can pull over your head to keep the dark out. In my experience there are things behind that anger that are really difficult to wrestle with. Feelings of despair and helplessness that, after being helpless and having a sense of despair, surrendering to them seems like the scariest thing in the world. But the way out is through. It was for me.
There’s a balance here, that holding onto anger is like a life preserver. It keeps your head above the waves. But never so much that you can see how far you are from shore. You can’t swim when both your arms are wrapped around a floaty.
The anger is healthy as a waypoint. But at some point you have to move past it and I never got the sense that Liz had. Perpetually harassing, reengaging, and reopening that wound.
I found a lot of personal healing through Classics. And I think the best chaser here is maybe Medea. She is rightfully wronged, and she deserves to be angry, but focusing entirely on it results in a truly tragic outcome. Holding a burning stick may keep back the dark but it eventually burns you.
There is no right way to heal her deal with what happens to you. Trauma by its nature is a reaction we have evolved to deal with incomprehensible events. It’s a fracturing. There’s a theory of trauma that says it’s a response that basically liquidates parts of ourselves, in order to survive. Disassociation and retreat are ways to endure the unendurable. But I think this book is a testament that the stories you tell yourself about this afterwards, have weight and power, and will likely shape your future.
I consistently got the impression that Liz kept looking externally for salvation. To journals, reporters, police, the FBI, at each stage, slowly raising the stakes. And if you’re reading this, my programs shut down, some of the people in charge went to jail, some lost their licenses, and I can say first hand that healing doesn’t come from the outside. If you’re reading this looking for an answer, my own solution was to stop running. To face that darkness. And once faced, it began to have less of an effect.
I thought it was a victim for a long time. I got arrested multiple times. Cultivated reasonable drug addiction. Thought a lot about “what could’ve been“ and I think I just need to say that it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s not a quick turnaround. Taking the better part of three years I’d say, after almost a decade of hiding, but I don’t feel powerless over what’s happened anymore. I don’t find myself having nightmares. I don’t self sabotage and burn down things when they start to get good. I have optimism about the future.
There is a way out, and I think a large part of it is changing the story that we tell ourselves about our experiences and having that validated by people around us. About maturing and being able to recontextualize events.
This book is valuable as a sort of archeology. A view into the darkness. But it falls short of being much more than that. Look elsewhere for wholeness.
Nietzsche could be describing Liz.
This reads like a wet blanket slowly suffocating you. There is no escape. There is no break. Liz just proceeds to bleed on you. And bleed, and bleed. A couple years ago, I heard a really good statement from writing teacher “write from your scars not from your wounds” and I think that applies here. This book shows you her wounds, her anger, her resentment, her pain, unfortunately at the expense of telling a coherent story. A lot of this book is a sort of fugue state. Undigested food. And I feel terrible saying that because I've been there. Trauma is like looking at your memories through a broken window at times. I went to a similar set of schools. I carry a similar list.
Not to be too fucking cliché, but there’s an idea about the stages of grief. And I think from my experience something similar probably applies to trauma. Liz seems caught in the anger. She wears it like a cloak. A blanket you can pull over your head to keep the dark out. In my experience there are things behind that anger that are really difficult to wrestle with. Feelings of despair and helplessness that, after being helpless and having a sense of despair, surrendering to them seems like the scariest thing in the world. But the way out is through. It was for me.
There’s a balance here, that holding onto anger is like a life preserver. It keeps your head above the waves. But never so much that you can see how far you are from shore. You can’t swim when both your arms are wrapped around a floaty.
The anger is healthy as a waypoint. But at some point you have to move past it and I never got the sense that Liz had. Perpetually harassing, reengaging, and reopening that wound.
I found a lot of personal healing through Classics. And I think the best chaser here is maybe Medea. She is rightfully wronged, and she deserves to be angry, but focusing entirely on it results in a truly tragic outcome. Holding a burning stick may keep back the dark but it eventually burns you.
There is no right way to heal her deal with what happens to you. Trauma by its nature is a reaction we have evolved to deal with incomprehensible events. It’s a fracturing. There’s a theory of trauma that says it’s a response that basically liquidates parts of ourselves, in order to survive. Disassociation and retreat are ways to endure the unendurable. But I think this book is a testament that the stories you tell yourself about this afterwards, have weight and power, and will likely shape your future.
I consistently got the impression that Liz kept looking externally for salvation. To journals, reporters, police, the FBI, at each stage, slowly raising the stakes. And if you’re reading this, my programs shut down, some of the people in charge went to jail, some lost their licenses, and I can say first hand that healing doesn’t come from the outside. If you’re reading this looking for an answer, my own solution was to stop running. To face that darkness. And once faced, it began to have less of an effect.
I thought it was a victim for a long time. I got arrested multiple times. Cultivated reasonable drug addiction. Thought a lot about “what could’ve been“ and I think I just need to say that it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s not a quick turnaround. Taking the better part of three years I’d say, after almost a decade of hiding, but I don’t feel powerless over what’s happened anymore. I don’t find myself having nightmares. I don’t self sabotage and burn down things when they start to get good. I have optimism about the future.
There is a way out, and I think a large part of it is changing the story that we tell ourselves about our experiences and having that validated by people around us. About maturing and being able to recontextualize events.
This book is valuable as a sort of archeology. A view into the darkness. But it falls short of being much more than that. Look elsewhere for wholeness.
August 30, 2023
Well, this is one of the most harrowing books I’ve ever read. Why can’t people just love their kids?? Or believe their kids?!? I don’t understand this world.
But I’m glad this book exists and the author was able to tell her story. I know it must’ve been so hard to relive those years to commit them to paper but this is a story that needs to be told. So this will stop happening to other kids.
This is a wonderfully written book. It feels more like a conversation with a close friend. I read the entire thing in a day because I just couldn’t stop.
This is a book I think everyone should read. Because how else do we stop this system unless there’s awareness? And don’t get me wrong, this is really hard book to read. It’s unsettling and graphic. But can you imagine living it?
So. I’m glad this book exists and I hope it helps to stop TTI organizations so no one else has to suffer and so no one else has to die.
So please. Read this book. And if you’re a parent, there are better alternatives to helping “troubled teens”. (Like maybe figuring out why they are “troubled” in the first place…?)
I’ll leave you with one last quote:
“Your child has a better chance of having a good life if you do nothing,” she tells them, because the concept of tough love programs is rotten to its core. You can't fill a kid with negativity and expect something positive to come out. Sorry, but trauma doesn't work that way. If you can't do it at home because it's abuse, don't send your child to someone else to do it for you.”
Thank you so much to Hachette Go for sending both an arc and a finished copy my way!
But I’m glad this book exists and the author was able to tell her story. I know it must’ve been so hard to relive those years to commit them to paper but this is a story that needs to be told. So this will stop happening to other kids.
This is a wonderfully written book. It feels more like a conversation with a close friend. I read the entire thing in a day because I just couldn’t stop.
This is a book I think everyone should read. Because how else do we stop this system unless there’s awareness? And don’t get me wrong, this is really hard book to read. It’s unsettling and graphic. But can you imagine living it?
So. I’m glad this book exists and I hope it helps to stop TTI organizations so no one else has to suffer and so no one else has to die.
So please. Read this book. And if you’re a parent, there are better alternatives to helping “troubled teens”. (Like maybe figuring out why they are “troubled” in the first place…?)
I’ll leave you with one last quote:
“Your child has a better chance of having a good life if you do nothing,” she tells them, because the concept of tough love programs is rotten to its core. You can't fill a kid with negativity and expect something positive to come out. Sorry, but trauma doesn't work that way. If you can't do it at home because it's abuse, don't send your child to someone else to do it for you.”
Thank you so much to Hachette Go for sending both an arc and a finished copy my way!
September 15, 2024
Very much worth a listen. A real down to earth account of how messed up the world can be. Not a feel good story, but an educational book that calls attention to the willful ignorance that takes place in childhood abuse and validates the experiences of the kids that go through it. 10/10. This isn't a story of how to get over trauma or how someone conquered their past and had a dream future. It's just the real, brutally honest story of a woman and what she went through, and what she still goes through. Speaking to real people about real consequences of real problems. Speaking of the raw and ugly truths that come with trauma.
October 5, 2023
Raw and at times hard to read. But, an absolute must read. We can’t keep turning away from the TTI.
August 25, 2023
A harrowing read. I blanched so many times and winces at what I was reading. How was this place allowed to operate?
Kudos to the author for not only surviving but also persevering.
Thanks to Hatchette Books for the hard copies.
Kudos to the author for not only surviving but also persevering.
Thanks to Hatchette Books for the hard copies.
January 13, 2024
Liz Ianelli debuts with a disturbing exposé/memoir of the “troubled teen industry,” She is also known around the world as Survivor993 - a reference to the number of days she lived at an establishment called the Family Foundation, which is an institution for troubled teens located in upstate New York where she attended against her will starting at age 15. The Family Foundation is a pinhole in a multibillion-dollar industry that uses the same basic tough love approaches, mindsets, techniques on troubled teens. Prolonged restraints, beatings, starvation, savage verbal attacks, and random cruelty.
The book shares Liz’s own fight for justice and exposes the truth about the industry's damaging effects on teenage mental health. Liz emphasizes the lifelong trauma experienced by those who went through these institutions, leading to anxiety, anger, paranoia, self-hatred, and pain. The book aims to raise awareness among survivors, parents, counselors, lawmakers, and the general public about the abusive nature of the Troubled Teen Industry and its far-reaching consequences.
Liz describes the Family Foundation as an angry, violent, fundamentalist Christian version of AA. It was mostly based on psychological manipulation and destruction of identity. The Family were able to abuse all these kids because there were no consequences. Bad teenagers abandoned by their parents were weak and easy victims. Foundation administrators promoted themselves as addiction and recovery experts but did not meet state requirements to provide those services. The Family wasn’t for Addiction Treatment, but more of an PTSD Addiction factory. A lot of them seemed to be sick people who seemed to relish the cruelty that they displayed to these kids on a daily basis. Liz describes it as a horror movie.
Liz’s troubles seem to start under her own roof when a relative repeatedly raped her when she was 12 up until she got her first period. She turns into a rebellious teen(no shock there) and her parents don’t want to deal with her and send her to a TTI (Troubled Teen Industry)school against Liz’s will, which was more like a kidnapping.
Upon arrival like jail, Liz says she was stripped of her clothes and given clothes that did not fit and even shoes that were way too small. They would partake in a daily cult like game called “Table Topics”. The staff and coerced kids pick on one kid and call them cruel names like – Dirt, Liar, Evil, Stupid, and Fat. Force to participate in barrage of verbal attacks. The kids lacked human contact. They craved violence. They lived without love, conversation, and physical contact. It could cause the imprisoned kids to turn on each other. The horror of The Family was the repetitive nature of their cruelty.
Letters were censored. Private phone calls were limited and lasted five minutes. When kids would tell their parents the horrible things that were happening the Family Foundation staff would say, “She’s acting out!” Of course, she's going to tell you that she's being abused. Of course, she's going to say we're mean. She doesn't want to get help. We have to really work with her to get her to accept this way of life." Liz says her parents were coached that no matter what I said, I was going to be lying. There was so much fear about even trying to tell them. I was a hostage in front of my own parents. That's how it works. It’s really shocking to hear that she was there 993 days, but these manipulation tactics shed some reasons on how this can happen.
Liz shares a horrific story where she was wrapped in duct tape and a blanket in a basement for a week, unable to use the bathroom or move her limbs. Being fed a bowl of tuna and water like an animal.
Students were also used to catching any kid who tried to run away. Even if the runaway got far, they had gone through miles of wilderness to get to a local town, where all the townspeople would report them back to The Family like they were a fugitive.
Liz said there were rules to avoid being abused - Using the AA 4th step for nefarious reasons – Students were forced to create a horrible past to cure themselves from, fabricate the truth to make your past problems seem worse and the Family Program be your salvation. Tell on yourself and your peers to give the illusion that you are getting better. They used these coerced “confessions” that were later used as evidence of nonexistent drug and alcohol addictions to persuade her parents to keep her institutionalized.
After 993 days Liz finally got released from The Family foundation. And even than it sounded more like an escape than a release. It’s still hard to believe she was there 993 days and her parents kept paying for it.
As anyone can imagine, Liz and many survivors from these places suffer from PTSD. She acknowledges that she suffers terribly today. She has a hard time feeling safe, holding on to jobs and relationships, and a lot of self-hatred. A lot of old injuries that turned into new injuries or new ailments. Liz says, “My scars tell the story from running away and the physical abuse she suffered. Liz says, "I have a scar from where I had my colonoscopy bag. My sleep pattern has always been disturbed. I've had six spinal surgeries.”
Liz figured to use her pain for a purpose and that was the fuel that she drew from. - "Someone's going to have to answer for this." With equal measures of vulnerability and fury, Liz gained traction on social media on a site called Survivorland – an online chat group to share, listen and support other survivors. She gives her phone number out to anybody looking for help who survived a TTI. In Liz’s own words she becomes an overzealous advocate often not taken seriously by law enforcement.
One of the better moments in the book for Liz is she finally found an authority figure in the FBI that would believe her story and she said the 3 magic words that help in Survivor Recovery – “I believe you!”
Liz worked with other survivors from The Family Foundation. One that stands out is Jon Martin Crawford who testified before Congress eloquently on 10/24/15 about the cruelty of The Family Foundation. I watched it on YouTube. It is heartbreaking because before the end of the year Jon took his own life. Liz says the self-hatred they instill in you never goes away. Many have recurring nightmares of torture that never go away. I can see why substance abuse is common with survivors and war veterans. It must be a great relief from the self-hatred, anxiety, and nightmares PTSD has caused. I remember growing up hearing others say suicide is a cowards way out. I myself could never judge someone going through that.
Liz says four of my best friends died by suicide because of what happened to them at The Family, and the weight of the abuse we suffered–the nightmares, physical injuries, shame, guilt, self-blame and anger–was destroying me, too.
Liz will self-admit that some of her anger is misplaced but what keeps her going is that she doesn’t want that to happen to anyone else. Liz says, “I don’t want anyone, ever, to be sent to another Troubled Teen school. And I don’t want anyone who has been abused to feel that they are alone, or that everyone blames them, or that no one understands why their lives are such a mess.”
While Liz’s school shut down in 2014, plenty of other similar residential facilities carry on, operating within a system the American Bar Association describes as a largely unregulated big business that still go on today. Desperate parents looking for a quick fix because they believe that they can whip them into shape. It has been researched multiple times that punishment style treatment does not work in the long term. There's no science involved. It's just money, money, money, money. It’s the parents that need help in putting their child through something like this. A well-balanced parent does not do this to their child.
Liz’s message to survivors is one of solidarity and empowerment, reminding them that they are not broken, unlovable, or alone. She has given her suffering meaning in the breakthrough to hope and purpose in pursuing justice and helping her fellow survivors. Liz celebrates the resilience of her fellow survivors. Her quest for justice against so-called “tough love” schools that allow abusers to act with near-impunity is incendiary and uncompromising.
So, this book is Liz’s message, shouted as loud as I can shout it: “You are not alone. You are not unloved. You are not evil or bad or irreparably broken. They are evil–the ones who hurt us, and the ones who won’t listen.” (And yes, I mean our parents, too.)
Read
October 18, 2023I don’t know if I would recommend this book for abuse survivors. If you have triggers check this for trigger warnings because there are a lot. The book reads as a list of abuses. There is not a ton of emotional depth and that may be the author protecting herself. In listing her traumas and adding stats sprinkled with others experiences that may be the author’s way of telling her story without reliving her trauma. If your hoping for a guide on how to deal with your own trauma I don’t think this book will help. If your looking to know that you’re not alone or want a cautionary tale regarding the troubled teen industry, then this book may help. I am not about to judge the way a person chooses to survive and try to heal from such horrendous abuse, I think healing from trauma is not a linear process and the author is doing the best that she can. I hope this book was a step towards healing for the author and helps other survivors of abuse feel seen.
April 23, 2024
This book was so hard for me to rate. It’s difficult to rate something so real and raw poorly, but when it comes to mechanics and diction, I couldn’t go above a 2. The events were all out of order, and it felt like the chapter numbers didn’t even matter, because we would be jumping around so much. It also felt like Ianelli just kept repeating the same message over, and over, and over. The TTI breaks you, that’s their goal, they make you feel terrible, on and on. Not to discredit this, because I know that it is a terrible, very real issue, but it didn’t need to be hit over the head one million times. After the first 100 pages, the book got so repetitive. I can’t tell you how many times I read the words “Survivorland”. Everytime there was a new character or event in the story, I was surprised! It’s good information, but there are so many other, better written resources than this for information about the TTI.
July 30, 2023
I don’t normally rate memoirs, but this is a MUST read
November 4, 2023
This book is HEAVY. But such an eye opener. I would make sure you're in the right headspace before you read this book. It's a lot to take in, but really good.
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November 25, 2024This was such a beautiful and heartbreaking book on the teen trouble industry experience for Liz. I am so proud of her for putting her own truth out there. For all of you hating on her book in the Goodreads review remember what she said in the beginning of this book that she doesn’t remember everything but what she does remember is her side of the story and how she viewed things. This is her story and her hard times and her way of getting her strength and power back which is very brave of her. Well done Liz, I’m proud of you.
April 8, 2024
Wow.
Partway through reading this, I had to look into the author to see if it was real. It's so far out, it reads like a novel.
Now, I'm fully familiar with culty bs, which the "troubled teen industry" seems to basically be. That part was impressively terrible, but perfectly believable.
The crazy part was the revenge after. Hunting people down and exacting punishment, making sure they can't hurt more kids, and eventually successfully getting it shut down.
And the realization that more of these facilities were opening up every year 😔
It's so terrible. How are people so awful?
Yes, read this. It's important, and it's good writing and a good story.
Partway through reading this, I had to look into the author to see if it was real. It's so far out, it reads like a novel.
Now, I'm fully familiar with culty bs, which the "troubled teen industry" seems to basically be. That part was impressively terrible, but perfectly believable.
The crazy part was the revenge after. Hunting people down and exacting punishment, making sure they can't hurt more kids, and eventually successfully getting it shut down.
And the realization that more of these facilities were opening up every year 😔
It's so terrible. How are people so awful?
Yes, read this. It's important, and it's good writing and a good story.
February 5, 2024
I struggled between giving this 3 or 4 stars. After I read some reviews, I decided on 3 (obviously). The story Liz tells is of horrific abuse she suffered at the hands of a “Christian” rehab program. It’s eye opening, raw, and messy. I learned a lot about what trauma survivors go through trying to assimilate back into normal life.
She says this is a journey of healing, and that’s partially accurate. But I think it’s the story of a broken girl fighting for her f*cking life with little to no support. It’s truly jaw-dropping.
I would recommend this book with the caution that it is GRAPHIC. Lots of child abuse and sexual assault.
She says this is a journey of healing, and that’s partially accurate. But I think it’s the story of a broken girl fighting for her f*cking life with little to no support. It’s truly jaw-dropping.
I would recommend this book with the caution that it is GRAPHIC. Lots of child abuse and sexual assault.
July 1, 2024
Incredibly anger-fulling. I liked how Liz spent time really showcasing the emotional/mental scarring these facilities cause. Incredibly damaging industry and infuriating that this is still going on.
August 31, 2023
Absolutely incredible book. Can’t recommend highly enough!
January 2, 2024
Goodness, I knew this was an issue but I just didn’t understand the extent. The sickening reality of indigenous schools, the Tennessee Children’s Home Society, our beyond broken foster care system, it’s just all so utterly heartbreaking! If we could STOP failing the children of the world and be held accountable when it comes to these precious souls, this world would be a much better place. I can’t imagine sending my children off for someone else or some entity to raise no matter the shenanigans they might get into. I pray I’m giving them a childhood they won’t have to heal from!
February 27, 2024
Disclaimer: I received an advanced copy of this book from the publisher for free and have voluntarily written this review.
There are a lot of things wrong in this country and one of them is the Troubled Teen Industry. Liz Ianelli, known around the world as Survivor993, dives into what it was like living inside of one such institution for “troubled teens” - and how it didn’t end once she was out.
I went into this book nearly completely blind, only having a casual knowledge of the Troubled Teen Industry. And boy did I get an education! Ianelli holds absolutely nothing back and everyone should take notice.
With the help of others who were there at the time due to gaps in her memory, she tells her story, starting from the very moment she joins The Family - and in as much detail as possible. It is a terrifyingly eye-opening story that made me want to burn down the world and just start all over.
While telling her story, Ianelli also introduces us to the people she meets along the way - the monsters who perpetuate the abuse and fellow victims who also had their lives taken away from them. It is horrifying to know that this level of abuse exists in the world and that there are many people out there that think it is okay. But along with that horror, there is also inspiration as Ianelli and others fight to get these places shut down and end the abuse.
Though a story of horrors, this book is also a story of triumph and resilience. Ianelli wrote this first and foremost for fellow survivors, to remind them that they aren’t alone, that they can survive, that they can win against the TTI. She tells a story to open our eyes and, hopefully, spur outrage and bring forth change.
There are a lot of things wrong in this country and one of them is the Troubled Teen Industry. Liz Ianelli, known around the world as Survivor993, dives into what it was like living inside of one such institution for “troubled teens” - and how it didn’t end once she was out.
I went into this book nearly completely blind, only having a casual knowledge of the Troubled Teen Industry. And boy did I get an education! Ianelli holds absolutely nothing back and everyone should take notice.
With the help of others who were there at the time due to gaps in her memory, she tells her story, starting from the very moment she joins The Family - and in as much detail as possible. It is a terrifyingly eye-opening story that made me want to burn down the world and just start all over.
While telling her story, Ianelli also introduces us to the people she meets along the way - the monsters who perpetuate the abuse and fellow victims who also had their lives taken away from them. It is horrifying to know that this level of abuse exists in the world and that there are many people out there that think it is okay. But along with that horror, there is also inspiration as Ianelli and others fight to get these places shut down and end the abuse.
Though a story of horrors, this book is also a story of triumph and resilience. Ianelli wrote this first and foremost for fellow survivors, to remind them that they aren’t alone, that they can survive, that they can win against the TTI. She tells a story to open our eyes and, hopefully, spur outrage and bring forth change.
October 3, 2024
If you want to read a story of hardship and life as a misunderstood teen,pick this one up; Liz is incredibly courageous for being able to bring us that aspect of her life with such vivid detail. Even sadder, what she rails against in this book,as far as I am aware, is still happening today.
October 4, 2023
The author has an important message about the abuses inherent in the troubled teen industry. I live in the state of Utah, which has more TTI programs than any other state, and just this year another teen died in the "care" of one of these programs. I liked the first half of the book better than the second half, which seemed more disjointed, and I didn't love the audible narrator, but I do believe the author has good reasons for being emotional about this trauma and wanting to prevent further abuse.
January 24, 2025
This book is a traumatic memoir from a person who went through the Troubled Teen Industry. If you are interested in the TTI, this is a great book to give you an insider's experience. You need to be very aware that there are some extreme instances of abuse of children recounted in this book, and if that is something that you are not in a place to read about...choose something else.
I saw another review that really rubbed me the wrong way for several reasons. One of the reasons was that this reviewer made sure to negate every experience that the author of this book had. Nobody has the right to tell someone that their experiences are exaggerated or that they did not happen. Memories are the person's own. They lived the experience, you did not. Memories can be flawed, perhaps the time frames or who did what could be wrong, but if you did not experience an event...hush. There are countless witnesses' statements and people living who have had experiences that are shockingly similar across decades, across states, and across unaffiliated "schools" that this type of abuse absolutely did and does occur. People have testified in front of all levels of government for years about this. This is not new information, and negating the people that had these experiences is disgusting. Also, people that say they attended these schools and do not remember this...we are all very glad that you did not experience it (or you have trauma blocked it out) but just because you did not, does not mean thousands of other kids were so lucky.
I really wanted to review this book in order of events, but I do not want to spoil it for those reading it. The staff members at this location are disgusting creatures. They all need to vanish to the bottom of a river. There seems to be no end to what staff in places like this will do to a child. I recently watched a Netflix doc that was created by a girl who had went to one of these schools. The staff there gaslit these kids, they abused these kids, and then they left all the files and CCTV videos of their abuse. This was in the 2010s. This is still happening. These schools charge fees and prey on parents who want to get rid of their kids for any number of reasons, including doing something as trivial as drinking a Mike's Hard Lemonade or not liking a stepparent. They destroy families, they destroy lives, and the impact of their cult-like tactics on these kids lasts a lifetime. There are so many stories of suicide and drug abuse amongst kids who got out of these schools. There are instances of kids dying at these places. It is FOUL that people are still buying into this nonsense and PAYING to have people abuse their kids.
The author made a comment in this book that Indigenous people were subjected to much the same treatment in residential schools, people who were remanded to orphanages or religious boarding schools fared no better. There is another book called We Carry Their Bones about "bad kids" dying at a facility in Florida who suffered much the same abuse. This is not a new game. People have ignored children's pleas for years. Justice is slow to come, if it comes at all. Celebrity children, like Paris Hilton, also found themselves in schools in Provo and other places. Thankfully, Paris was able to use her celebrity for good to bring light to this issue and help other survivors of this industry, because an industry of raking in money, power plays, and plenty of victims to abuse, is what this is. It is a shame that voices are so often ignored unless a famous name is attached, but I appreciate her using it for something that the US really needs-trying to find a way to stop this. I am so proud of every kid who made it out of these places, who is there for other kids, who fights for this cause, and who made it another day. I hope every kid trapped in a situation like this is able to get out.
I would also like to mention that some reviews I have read about this book have criticized the book for saying it was a memoir about healing when the author clearly hasn't healed. I think that is a little bit bold. There is no time limit on healing. Healing can be a life-long process. You do not get to judge the way a person chooses to process their trauma or how long it takes them to heal. Do I personally agree with the author stalking these former staff members? No. Would I do that? I cannot say, as I have never been in that situation. I can say that I would be interested in following them to see if they were ever brought to justice. I can say that I would also be working tirelessly to do anything I could to ruin them in a court of law the way they ruined me. I can also say that I would have absolutely NEVER laid eyes on my parents again after they treated me such a way and sent me to a place like that and then had the audacity to tell me to stop looking at the past and grow up and be an adult and so on. Parents who are unwilling to listen to their children's experiences and admit they were duped, lied to, used, and manipulated...that they wronged their child, are unfit to be called parents any longer. There is nooooo way I would have ever spoken to them again.
Also "Dr" Phil can fuck all the way off for feeding this machine and feeding off people.
This book and the work on the ground that has been done by this author and others is tremendously vital to the understanding of the Troubled Teen Industry. I am glad that I started searching for books about this after watching that Netflix documentary and reading Paris Hiltons book.
I saw another review that really rubbed me the wrong way for several reasons. One of the reasons was that this reviewer made sure to negate every experience that the author of this book had. Nobody has the right to tell someone that their experiences are exaggerated or that they did not happen. Memories are the person's own. They lived the experience, you did not. Memories can be flawed, perhaps the time frames or who did what could be wrong, but if you did not experience an event...hush. There are countless witnesses' statements and people living who have had experiences that are shockingly similar across decades, across states, and across unaffiliated "schools" that this type of abuse absolutely did and does occur. People have testified in front of all levels of government for years about this. This is not new information, and negating the people that had these experiences is disgusting. Also, people that say they attended these schools and do not remember this...we are all very glad that you did not experience it (or you have trauma blocked it out) but just because you did not, does not mean thousands of other kids were so lucky.
I really wanted to review this book in order of events, but I do not want to spoil it for those reading it. The staff members at this location are disgusting creatures. They all need to vanish to the bottom of a river. There seems to be no end to what staff in places like this will do to a child. I recently watched a Netflix doc that was created by a girl who had went to one of these schools. The staff there gaslit these kids, they abused these kids, and then they left all the files and CCTV videos of their abuse. This was in the 2010s. This is still happening. These schools charge fees and prey on parents who want to get rid of their kids for any number of reasons, including doing something as trivial as drinking a Mike's Hard Lemonade or not liking a stepparent. They destroy families, they destroy lives, and the impact of their cult-like tactics on these kids lasts a lifetime. There are so many stories of suicide and drug abuse amongst kids who got out of these schools. There are instances of kids dying at these places. It is FOUL that people are still buying into this nonsense and PAYING to have people abuse their kids.
The author made a comment in this book that Indigenous people were subjected to much the same treatment in residential schools, people who were remanded to orphanages or religious boarding schools fared no better. There is another book called We Carry Their Bones about "bad kids" dying at a facility in Florida who suffered much the same abuse. This is not a new game. People have ignored children's pleas for years. Justice is slow to come, if it comes at all. Celebrity children, like Paris Hilton, also found themselves in schools in Provo and other places. Thankfully, Paris was able to use her celebrity for good to bring light to this issue and help other survivors of this industry, because an industry of raking in money, power plays, and plenty of victims to abuse, is what this is. It is a shame that voices are so often ignored unless a famous name is attached, but I appreciate her using it for something that the US really needs-trying to find a way to stop this. I am so proud of every kid who made it out of these places, who is there for other kids, who fights for this cause, and who made it another day. I hope every kid trapped in a situation like this is able to get out.
I would also like to mention that some reviews I have read about this book have criticized the book for saying it was a memoir about healing when the author clearly hasn't healed. I think that is a little bit bold. There is no time limit on healing. Healing can be a life-long process. You do not get to judge the way a person chooses to process their trauma or how long it takes them to heal. Do I personally agree with the author stalking these former staff members? No. Would I do that? I cannot say, as I have never been in that situation. I can say that I would be interested in following them to see if they were ever brought to justice. I can say that I would also be working tirelessly to do anything I could to ruin them in a court of law the way they ruined me. I can also say that I would have absolutely NEVER laid eyes on my parents again after they treated me such a way and sent me to a place like that and then had the audacity to tell me to stop looking at the past and grow up and be an adult and so on. Parents who are unwilling to listen to their children's experiences and admit they were duped, lied to, used, and manipulated...that they wronged their child, are unfit to be called parents any longer. There is nooooo way I would have ever spoken to them again.
Also "Dr" Phil can fuck all the way off for feeding this machine and feeding off people.
This book and the work on the ground that has been done by this author and others is tremendously vital to the understanding of the Troubled Teen Industry. I am glad that I started searching for books about this after watching that Netflix documentary and reading Paris Hiltons book.
January 3, 2024
First, with any story that involves trauma, difficulty, pain...it is so difficult to rate. One, because you don't want to diminish what that person went through or even rate it based on the trauma level. Pain is pain, and each person experiences it differently, whether in the same situation/family/neighborhood. Which brings up point number Two, several people can go through an experience, situation, event, and have different views/experiences/memories/triggers that don't line up in a straight line for outsiders to understand the fullness of the landscape being presented to them.
Liz Ianelli has written her story for all to see in it's raw, broken, painful mess. It is hard to read, to absorb, to understand without feeling emotionally involved. I appreciate her rawness and unfiltered view. But...I also believe that she is still on her healing journey. There is a lot of things in this book, of her stalking members of the family, of her lashing out in pain, of her anger being unharnessed and raw that shows her pain is still not healed. The old line still applies: Hurt people hurt people, and it shows Liz is out to do just that.
I am grateful that she has exposed the truth of this side of a world that is hidden to the general public. I was completely unaware it even existed. To the survivors of these atrocities: I am so very sorry. Keep speaking your truth. People will listen, and more importantly, believe you. We see you too.
*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*
Liz Ianelli has written her story for all to see in it's raw, broken, painful mess. It is hard to read, to absorb, to understand without feeling emotionally involved. I appreciate her rawness and unfiltered view. But...I also believe that she is still on her healing journey. There is a lot of things in this book, of her stalking members of the family, of her lashing out in pain, of her anger being unharnessed and raw that shows her pain is still not healed. The old line still applies: Hurt people hurt people, and it shows Liz is out to do just that.
I am grateful that she has exposed the truth of this side of a world that is hidden to the general public. I was completely unaware it even existed. To the survivors of these atrocities: I am so very sorry. Keep speaking your truth. People will listen, and more importantly, believe you. We see you too.
*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*
January 3, 2024
First, with any story that involves trauma, difficulty, pain...it is so difficult to rate. One, because you don't want to diminish what that person went through or even rate it based on the trauma level. Pain is pain, and each person experiences it differently, whether in the same situation/family/neighborhood. Which brings up point number Two, several people can go through an experience, situation, event, and have different views/experiences/memories/triggers that don't line up in a straight line for outsiders to understand the fullness of the landscape being presented to them.
Liz Ianelli has written her story for all to see in it's raw, broken, painful mess. It is hard to read, to absorb, to understand without feeling emotionally involved. I appreciate her rawness and unfiltered view. But...I also believe that she is still on her healing journey. There is a lot of things in this book, of her stalking members of the family, of her lashing out in pain, of her anger being unharnessed and raw that shows her pain is still not healed. The old line still applies: Hurt people hurt people, and it shows Liz is out to do just that.
I am grateful that she has exposed the truth of this side of a world that is hidden to the general public. I was completely unaware it even existed. To the survivors of these atrocities: I am so very sorry. Keep speaking your truth. People will listen, and more importantly, believe you. We see you too.
*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*
Liz Ianelli has written her story for all to see in it's raw, broken, painful mess. It is hard to read, to absorb, to understand without feeling emotionally involved. I appreciate her rawness and unfiltered view. But...I also believe that she is still on her healing journey. There is a lot of things in this book, of her stalking members of the family, of her lashing out in pain, of her anger being unharnessed and raw that shows her pain is still not healed. The old line still applies: Hurt people hurt people, and it shows Liz is out to do just that.
I am grateful that she has exposed the truth of this side of a world that is hidden to the general public. I was completely unaware it even existed. To the survivors of these atrocities: I am so very sorry. Keep speaking your truth. People will listen, and more importantly, believe you. We see you too.
*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*
October 20, 2023
This book was horrifying. After having seeing firsthand what happened to my brother in a residential treatment center as well as a boy's ranch in Colorado. He was molested in the treatment center by a male counselor. I do believe the Author. I myself never had to be in a place as bad as that but was in residential treatment and foster care and things happened but nothing as horrific as this ladys life or my brothers. How can you not believe it? It's to horrifying to make up.
Then years after he left the ranch it was closed down due to abuse and neglect. children and teens suffered repeated abuse, often committed by staff members who had faced previous accusations. The allegations involved aggressive restraint tactics, bruises and lack of food, they broke down the most vulnerable kids and ruined them for life. I wish I would not have read this book because I know it will remain with me for a long while.
A part of the problem is the people who run these places are not qualified in any way to help these kids. Parents have few resources and think paying for tough love will fix it. Well, these places have nothing to do with the word love, or compassion, or care. Just neglect, abuse, and wanting money is what they are in the business of.
Then years after he left the ranch it was closed down due to abuse and neglect. children and teens suffered repeated abuse, often committed by staff members who had faced previous accusations. The allegations involved aggressive restraint tactics, bruises and lack of food, they broke down the most vulnerable kids and ruined them for life. I wish I would not have read this book because I know it will remain with me for a long while.
A part of the problem is the people who run these places are not qualified in any way to help these kids. Parents have few resources and think paying for tough love will fix it. Well, these places have nothing to do with the word love, or compassion, or care. Just neglect, abuse, and wanting money is what they are in the business of.
March 14, 2024
I understand others' critiques about Liz's narration. As she admits several times during the novel, she is not an easy person to know or to work with, and that comes through in her writing.
This book is not a call to action. It doesn't aim to entertain you, nor will it ask any action of its readers. Rather, it is here to stand witness to how the TTI operates, and the lasting impacts its injustices have on its survivors -- a goal it accomplishes more through its honesty and palpable anguish and frustration than through the craft of it's writing.
I can agree that there are moments when one wishes Liz would just "let it go" or choose a more balanced, nuanced approach in writing, but as she admits, that's not her. Her clear desire to get some retribution does show the lasting impacts of her time with The Family, and forms an essential part of the book. All in all, this book is a testament to the impacts of the TTI and how it can warp an individual's entire life, its poignant voice an honest example of such.
This book is not a call to action. It doesn't aim to entertain you, nor will it ask any action of its readers. Rather, it is here to stand witness to how the TTI operates, and the lasting impacts its injustices have on its survivors -- a goal it accomplishes more through its honesty and palpable anguish and frustration than through the craft of it's writing.
I can agree that there are moments when one wishes Liz would just "let it go" or choose a more balanced, nuanced approach in writing, but as she admits, that's not her. Her clear desire to get some retribution does show the lasting impacts of her time with The Family, and forms an essential part of the book. All in all, this book is a testament to the impacts of the TTI and how it can warp an individual's entire life, its poignant voice an honest example of such.
October 31, 2023
This book is a must-read for EVERYONE. It touched my soul in a visceral way, opening my eyes to the “Troubled Teen Industry”. Thousands of children have suffered its evils over decades -- and IT'S STILL HAPPENING. Too many have been lost to subsequent suicide, overdose. Those that survive are left with a life-long trauma that most of us will never experience or understand.
Author Liz Ianelli and others who were victims of TTI are 24 hour a day Survivors. They have been ignored, disbelieved, ridiculed and attacked - while the predators responsible slip quietly back into the night. Yet they continue to fight to take down this Totally F*cked-Up system.
Ianelli’s game-changing book is an important step in ridding these schools from the face of the earth. She had the courage to share her story — it’s our turn to have the courage to read it and never forget.
Author Liz Ianelli and others who were victims of TTI are 24 hour a day Survivors. They have been ignored, disbelieved, ridiculed and attacked - while the predators responsible slip quietly back into the night. Yet they continue to fight to take down this Totally F*cked-Up system.
Ianelli’s game-changing book is an important step in ridding these schools from the face of the earth. She had the courage to share her story — it’s our turn to have the courage to read it and never forget.
May 15, 2024
So, this is a memoir by a woman who spent over three years in an abusive "troubled teen" program and now tries to help other people who survived those programs. The stories she tells are really horrifying and it's definitely a subject that deserves attention. But the writing style...I think she worked with a ghostwriter, and her voice definitely comes through, but I feel like she should have waited a bit before writing this, because it's clear that she still has a lot of trauma processing left to do. So much rage and grief come through that it actually blunts the impact of some of the stories. There are other issues with organization and things like two important people in her life (her ex-husband and her friend from the program), who are both named Mike, written about in a way that makes it hard to tell which Mike she means.
August 30, 2023
So I was hesitant to read it because my personal experience overlaps in some places. But while it's really intense (at least the first few chapters), it's also written in a kind of pragmatic tone of voice. Liz openly discusses the abuse she went through, however, the focus is more on the interpersonal dynamics between her and the other teens who were sent off to this "school." Dark at first, brutally honest, but really human. The strength and will to survive comes through, and I fell oddly at peace after reading it. It's validating, it's a raw story about Complex PTSD and recovery, and I'm so glad some of those people paid for what they did. Got to meet Liz at a book signing event. She's one kick-ass strong woman to not only have survived this but helped so many others after.
January 10, 2024
memoirs are a hard review right? i struggle with them.
i found this book to be a raw telling and unloading of the authors trauma with the tti and things like covid.
i at times, found the books a hard read, not simply because of the content matter but because of how the thoughts are presented. it very much reads like a bleeding of consciousness and i feel and agree with it, but it’s not a clean and concise discussion. it’s raw and sometimes it’s gritty, but i think that’s why it’s important.
as a tti survivor, i read every word and will hold onto the connection and understanding for a long time that i experienced in the book.
i found this book to be a raw telling and unloading of the authors trauma with the tti and things like covid.
i at times, found the books a hard read, not simply because of the content matter but because of how the thoughts are presented. it very much reads like a bleeding of consciousness and i feel and agree with it, but it’s not a clean and concise discussion. it’s raw and sometimes it’s gritty, but i think that’s why it’s important.
as a tti survivor, i read every word and will hold onto the connection and understanding for a long time that i experienced in the book.
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