When a Loved One Has Dementia: A Comforting Companion for Family and Friends

by Eveline Helmink

“An open-hearted and honest look at the reality of caring for someone with this life-changing diagnosis. Eveline generously shares her experiences, insights, and practical tools to cultivate compassion, acceptance, and love, even during the most painful experiences.”—Dr. Nicole LePera,  New York Times –bestselling author of  How to Do the Work  

A vital source of solace and compassion for those whose loved one has dementia, rooted in the author’s unflinching experience of caring for her mother

Dementia enters life through the back door, slipping in unnoticed. Once it’s there, it can make you feel powerless, angry, and unsure how to move forward. When her mother developed dementia, Eveline Helmink wasn’t prepared. As she learned firsthand, when your loved one is suffering, it takes a toll on you, too.

As you navigate finding professional caregivers and adapting to your loved one’s behavioral challenges, this book will help you confront all the complexities of the experience. 
When a Loved One Has Dementia  weaves together Eveline’s unflinching personal account and her empathetic guidance, allowing you to walk through the endless tunnel and illuminating the path to acceptance, forgiveness, and love.

Genres: Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Health

224 pages, Hardcover

Published August 8, 2023

Reviews

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many comforting things in this. Not in a toxic positive “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” way, but in an authentic, genuine, warts-and-all, “can’t have the rainbow without the rain” way. This is one to own and re-read for friends and family members of those with dementia.

[Kimiya AB · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once again sad book but true...
I experienced Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease in my loved one as just a granddaughter...
While for the worst days of it I was away it was heart breaking knowing going back home she wont know me
Knowing I love her and she cant love me back just because she lost touch with our history

Knowing this will be the situation once again with my mom can crumble my brain any day I am away I can fade away in her mind...

[Keri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading Helmink's journey of her mother's diagnosis with FTD poignantly, gut-wrenchingly broke my heart in all the right ways. I stopped often to cry, to grieve my own similar journey with my father's FTD diagnosis, and highlight the parts that gave EXACT words for my own emotions, experiences, and grief - even if the exact circumstances differed slightly.

The part that did not wow me and had me skimming was all the psychological self-help related content. Granted, the author's worldview is very different from mine, but I found that though she describes the heartbreak and obstacles of a dementia journey with beautiful accuracy, her solutions fell very flat. I wish she had focused more on the practical solutions she learned along her own journey (most of which were extremely helpful,) rather than relying so heavily on truisms and cliches about religion, self-care, and self-compassion to drive a good 50% of the book. The story itself was enough for me to keep reading! I just wish that had been even more of the focus - or at least that her caregiving advice had been more fresh or practical.

One pet peeve that drove me nuts was how often the author quotes from other dementia-related works - especially Nicci Gerrard, who is quoted (sometimes extensively) nearly 10 times in the book - rather than contributing her own unique thoughts to dementia-related grief. It just felt... lazy.

But overall, I still enjoyed reading through this and found it gave me helpful verbiage to use when describing the unique heartache that is caretaking and grieving for a loved one (especially a parent) who has dementia.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

The moment I saw this book, I knew I had to read it. Six months ago, my mother was diagnosed with dementia and it has been the most life-unraveling, grief-stricken experience of my life. The transition from daughter into caretaker is jarring and there aren't a lot of books/resources about this topic that are written by those personally going through this experience. However, this author is doing exactly that.

Ms. Helmink weaves her personal story into valuable, pertinent reminders about how caregivers should allow themselves grace, time away, and even acknowledging the anger, grief, and frustration we all feel. I felt an instant comradery with the author as she writes about the beautiful (and the beastly) repercussions of this progressive disease and allows her readers to feel the validation we need.

I can't truly say enough positive things about this book. I will be sharing this read with members of our support group as well as using the valuable tips and information I have gained while reading. I consider this book to be a "must-read" for caretakers and loved ones of those with dementia.

Disclaimer: This book was provided to me by the author or publisher in exchange for an honest review. The thoughts expressed above are my own.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 3 out of 5]

In this very personal book, the author shares reflections from her journey dealing with her mother's dementia. She writes about common dynamics her family has experienced, and she reflects on her internal processing to deal with grief and loss, find moments of joy with her mother, and reflect on the nature of life. The philosophical elements include reflections about various religions, and although the author sometimes misinterprets things through the lens of her secular worldview, I found her reflections interesting and thought-provoking.

If someone is looking for advice and ideas about how to best care for their family member or friend with dementia, they may find this book frustrating, since so much of it is about the author's personal journey and philosophical reflections. If someone is looking for a medical book about dementia, or a book about how to manage practical concerns and life demands after a dementia diagnosis, they are best off pursuing something else, but if they would like to read about someone else's journey to see what resonates, and to think more deeply about love, loss, and ways they can tend to their emotional lives, this book can be very helpful.

I received a free copy from the publisher through Amazon Vine in exchange for an honest review.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Experiencing dementia in a loved one raises all kinds of feelings, questions, fears, worries, doubts and even guilt.

“The arrival of dementia in your life makes you feel intensely powerless.” - quote from the book

Helmink wrote this book as she navigated through, and grappled with her mother’s dementia. It is an honest and compassionate guide to feeling your way around the challenges a loved one’s dementia arouses. I wish I had found it when I took care of my mom several years ago but I am grateful I’ve encountered it now as I travel through another loved one’s journey. Thank you to my local library for creating an area designated for, and dedicated to, Memory Care books and materials without which I might not have seen this book.

[Christy Copeland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comforting read

[Anna Ferrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was just what I needed right now. It was informative and comforting.

[Dennis Tra · Rating 5 out of 5]

While the books intended audience might be for people in the situation of being with dementia, this book should be read by all.
It gives insight of many aspects of this dreaded disease

[Joe · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent source for caregivers!

[Kayleigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

A comforting easy read, I don't think I was expecting any actual advice, but a shared experience and community feeling was nice.