The Long Grief Journey: How Long-Term Unresolved Grief Can Affect Your Mental Health and What to Do About It

by Pamela Blair, Bradie McCabe Hansen

An essential grief guide and recovery workbook for those who have said, "I thought I'd feel better by now." Grief does not follow a timeline or a set path. It is nonlinear and messy, doubling back on itself just when you thought you were out of the woods. Those who have experienced the loss of a loved one know this unequivocally, but Western society still seems to think that grief should only last six months to a year―tops―when in fact, grief can last throughout a person's entire life and manifest as serious mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, anger, and despair. The Long Grief Journey , co-written by a psychotherapist and a clinical psychologist who have both worked with grieving individuals for decades, is for the people who are past the acute pain and effects of a sudden loss and are now learning to live beyond that. It is for those who by all appearances seem to have "moved on." They're working, carrying out their responsibilities, showing up for important life events, yet they quietly bear the weight of their sadness and longing for their loved one. There's a name for this type of long-term, unresolved grief. In fact, there are complicated grief, traumatic grief, complex bereavement, prolonged grief, extended grief, abnormal grief, exaggerated grief, and pervasive grief disorder. If you feel "stuck" after experiencing the death of a loved one, even if much time has passed, this book is for you. With exercises, journal prompts, and rituals that will further help readers along their grief path, The Long Grief Journey , co-written by one of the authors of the classic grief book, I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye, is designed to educate, support, and coach you to rekindle a desire to live life fully, all while still cherishing and embracing the memories of your loved one. Named one of Choosing Therapy 's "14 Best Books on Losing a Parent for 2022."

Genres: Grief, Self Help, Nonfiction

416 pages, Paperback

Published February 14, 2023

Reviews

[Cynthia Arrieu-King · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book to listen to as an audiobook.

Pros:
-Really good if you're feeling very flattened by your grief or dazed, and need a bit of a thread or guide to maneuver through some of it.
-Hearing the book read helps if one's been feeling isolated--the author writes with lots of kindness and patience while also offering ways to reframe recurring thoughts
-If one could use a friend's advice on how to handle matters in the family, weird dynamics, etc through the model of the family unit, this is very useful
-Good guide for how to prepare for the long stretch of time that grief claims, and the ways it can take hold on your life with accompanying nuts and bolts advice for making space in one's life for the grief and sitting with it, far more effective than trying to "get back to normal."
-Very good at offering exercises to help you reframe the heavy and spirit altering feelings
-Definitely earns the word compassionate that's in the title--always about making space for and not judging the person experiencing grief, whether that's a loved one or one's self.
-Journal exercises and prompts
-Ideas for lining up support
-Realistic blueprint for going through the possessions of the deceased
-Still useful for grief around relationships that have ended or separations and other kinds of loss that aren't necessarily perpetuated by death/flexibility
-Different chapters around certain relationship dynamics make it easy to hone in on one's own experience

Cons:
-If you're looking for something very academic about grief, this is probably not it
-If you wanted something written "beautifully" or whatever, this book is geared to teach, and as such, it repeats its concepts often, and breaks things down to their simple and poignant parts.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't necessarily feel better having read this, but I do feel normal, which is better, sort of. I wish I could rate it 4.5 stars. It's been the most useful of a few death and grieving books I've read in the past year.

[Kelsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book was absolutely beautiful. To anyone who has experienced any type of loss, or grief in their life: Read this book now. 10/10. The different topics touched upon summarized my exact thoughts and feelings on grief that I could never verbalize - I plan on re-reading this and taking my time throughout next time, to do all of the exercises and journaling prompts. I feel like this book has given me such great insight, and clarity on grief. One of the best books I’ve read!

[Julia Trout · Rating 5 out of 5]

“You often don’t know what you’re capable of until you are forced to face your greatest fears. Take a moment to notice and reflect on where you have been since you lost your loved one. You’ve traveled difficult roads and it’s time you commend yourself for that, even if simply getting out of bed sometimes felt like running a marathon”.

As someone who lost their father about 8 years ago, this has been an extremely well written tool, targeted toward the population who have experienced loss 5 or more years ago. Would highly recommend.

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I completely identified with some of their statements, but I don’t feel like I learned anything truly helpful. Maybe I’m expecting too much.

[Ko]

Didn’t finish… wrong timing for me but likely helpful for others . Wish I had found a book like this when I was in the thick of it but I’ve learned a lot of these lessons by now.

[Mark Hanson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful work to think through how we can process grief that continues.

[Jennifer Harrell · Rating 3 out of 5]

This felt hyper-focused on the grief that comes with losing a parent or sibling, instead of other loss and grief-inducing situations.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book helpful in shining a light on the well-meaning but ultimately harmful responses to a loss one might encounter from others, including those closest to you, and the long-term effects on our health and well-being. It offers a variety of coping strategies and encouragement to follow our unique path to healing. I'm glad to see this resource available and hope that it helps others.