The Brain in Love: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life

by Daniel G. Amen

You hold the key to stronger relationships, deeper connections, and heightened intimacy.

Everyone wants to know how to improve his or her love life, but so few of us understand the integral role the brain plays in attraction, keeping us excited about our partner, and helping us feel a strong connection. Based on Dr. Daniel Amen’s cutting-edge neuroscience research, The Brain in Love shares twelve lessons that help you enhance your love life through understanding and improving brain function. Filled with practical suggestions and information on how to have lasting and more fulfilling relationships, The Brain in Love reveals:

• How emotional and physical intimacy can help prevent heart disease, improve memory, stave off cancer, and boost your immune system

• How the differences between men’s and women’s brains affect our perceptions and interest in sex

• The science behind why breakups hurt so much, and what you can do to ease the pain

• Surefire techniques to fix common problems–depression, PMS, ADD–that contribute to conflicts

• How to make yourself unforgettable to your partner

The Brain in Love explains everything there is to know about the brain in love and lust, guiding you to the emotional and physical intimacy you need.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Relationships, Science, Health, Self Help, Neuroscience

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 22, 2008

About the author

The Washington Post called Dr. Daniel Amen the most popular psychiatrist in America and Sharecare.com named him the web's most influential expert and advocate on mental health.
Daniel Amen is a life-long Christian and graduate of Oral Roberts University School of Medicine. He is a double board-certified psychiatrist and multiple NY Times bestselling author, with such blockbuster books as Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, Healing ADD, Change Your Brain, Change Your Body, and The Daniel Plan, co-authored by Pastor Rick Warren and Dr. Mark Hyman. In November 2016, he and his wife Tana published The Brain Warrior's Way.
Dr. Amen is the founder of Amen Clinics, which has 6 locations across the United States. Amen Clinics has the world's largest database of brain scans related to behavior, totaling more than 125,000 SPECT scans on patients from 111 countries.
Dr. Amen's research team has published more than 70 scientific articles on a wide variety of topics related to brain health. He is the lead researcher on the largest brain imaging study on active and retired NFL players and was a consultant on the movie Concussion starring Will Smith. In 2016, Discover Magazine named his brain imaging work for psychiatric diagnoses as one of the top 100 stories in all of science.
Dr. Amen has also hosted 11 national public television shows about the brain, which have aired more than 80,000 times across North America and raised more than 75 million dollars for stations.

You can connect with Dr. Amen on Facebook and Twitter

Reviews

[Emily Davis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dear Publishers of "the Brain in Love":
There's this job people can do in the publishing business called editing. I think you should hire some editors and put them to work on this thing, which can really only loosely be called a book. Can a couple of loosely held together articles smushed together into a book shape and filled up with pages of internet jokes and plot summaries of movies be called a book? Maybe. But it's a sorry excuse for one.
Now, I see that this was once called "Sex on the Brain" which may actually have been a better title for this mess. I think the author had a little too much sex on his brain and not enough brain on his brain. I'm sure he's a capable scientist but for the most part his writing style sounds like a freshman science major getting a blog for the first time. A science major who's just discovered sex for the first time, too. Short version of this book: "Sex is great! It's good for you! Men are SO different from Women! Science can help people! Look at this funny thing from the internet! Drugs can help people! Look at how I helped some people with my science!"
He also spends most of the book talking about how awesome brain imaging is and how everyone should get a brain image done and how we should all come down to his lab and get pictures of our brains. Yet, did we SEE these beautiful brain images in this "book"? No, we did not.
Anyway - I guess I shouldn't completely trash your "book" dear Publishers. There were some interesting tidbits. What happens in the brain around love and sex is interesting - - but maybe next time you publish this book you could let someone edit it first, maybe decide what it is before delivering it to the public.
Thanks,
a reader with a brain

[Lucy Barnhouse · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this book hoping for scientific insights into human behavior. What did I get? Heterosexism, gender essentialism, lousy treatment of neurodiversity... oh, and male normativity for good measure. The section on aphrodisiacs leads off with Viagra, and PMS (about which the author knows "more than he wants to") is listed as a disorder alongside "Depression" and "Being a Jerk." Gritting (and gnashing) my teeth, I speed-read through the whole thing hoping for hidden wisdom, but found anecdotes instead.

[Alicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author starts out not only with permission but a blessing to engage in the greatest mind game of all time. I don't know about anyone else but I was brought up to believe these were things you hid in the closest. Nothing going on here. You have four kids somethings going on? No, no nothings going on. Then all of a sudden the author throws me a boomerang!! Eye opening, men are talkative and feeling closely bonded after the big moment. It gets me wondering what they are talking about. A little more to the left honey and little less to the right next time. She says my right or yours dear? He says, maybe it's best we keep things centered. Now I'm really paying attention. I have never experienced anything like this and it seems he is about to unravel the mystery of the male psyche and he does. However this brings me to near tears, I might have broken down completely if I hadn't know all this before hand. He did manage to lift me up at the end with some fun advise. The author has a funny bone which made this an enjoyable journey but I must admit I don't have any better grasp on love or sex than I did before I began. It's alright I'm going to keep practicing. It's a worth while read but keep the tissues handy girls.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was a lot of fascinating information, though I felt like in some places, he overdid it on the psychology/relationship aspect. I found some parts really educational, some amusing, and some kind of eye-rolling. For the most part, it was an informative read that was interesting enough to finish it off. I will probably keep it in my library for reference. It had enough useful info in it for that.

[Erica Jennings · Rating 3 out of 5]

The neuroscience is very interesting, but I wish literally anyone else wrote it. This man’s writing voice is atrocious; his anecdotal evidence is horrendous, and he often comes across super sexist. Recommend a sparknotes version

[Gaby Gabor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I decided to read this book because it was recommended in one of my psychology classes and then someone else recommended it to me.
I can tell you this book did not disappoint. It has a lot of information about the brain functioning, hormones, neurotransmitters, and how everything affects your mental health and your behavior.
It was super easy to read. Each chapter was unique and utilized some information from past chapters, but would be easy to understand as stand alone chapters too. What I enjoyed the most is that Dr. Amen actually gives you tips and recommendations on how to treat or tackle certain issues. He goes into all the possible treatments and how to keep your brain healthy.
Do I think some of his ideas are problematic? For sure, but that does not mean that I was not able to enjoy this book. I think it just calls upon the reader to be critical and do more research if they want to learn more
Overall, a great read. Very informative and fun.

[D.A. Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, but I wonder...
Recently there have been stories about using oxytocin spray to heal broken relationships. Hmm. It could work, I suppose, but it think doing a load of laundry might be better overall. Or perhaps just touching one another.
This book talks about brain chemicals and how they affect emotions. Since we understand so very little about the brain anyway (hey, I have MS and they have no idea how to work with that), and the medications they use for depression and other brain disorders work in unpredictable and undefined ways and also seem to really mess with so many other things, I found the good doctor's recommendations a bit scary.
I love reading about the brain. I hate the idea that taking a pill that alters brain chemistry is the solution to everything.

[Gina · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first part of the book is interesting - but the thing that concerned me was that the book soon begins to read like a huge info-commercial for the author's clinic and his various treatments. Also, there doesn't seem to be much evidence of independent conformation of much of what he is saying.

Interesting to read, but I'd take a lot of what he is saying with a huge amount of skepticism.

[Bruce · Rating 2 out of 5]

Heard about this on the Goopfellas podcast as one of the most interesting reads by one of the hosts. Very medically oriented with lots of interesting details on how the brain functions. Most of what it had to say on how brains relate to relationships was very heteronormative and seemed more targeted to people in a relationship as opposed to how to improve your brain in preparation for one.

It had some possibly controversial things to say about mental illness being a factor in fetish and deviant type behavior (pedophilia, abuse, etc) which felt like it was making excuses for people. I think we do need to take a better look at people and their brains and see if we really can determine faults like that and medically treat them with chemicals.

The book gave me some bit of hypochondria thinking I had some of the symptoms but at the end of the day I didn't really relate to any of the diagnoses nor to any of the tips (since not in a relationship and not straight). Other things were just common sense and otherwise and ad to go visit his clinic.

[vienna · Rating 3 out of 5]

As someone who loves learning about the brain, I enjoyed this book overall; it contains fascinating information about how our brain chemicals and neurotransmitters function in “love”. However, I found the book to be a bit choppy and disorganized. I consider this book to be a jumble of interesting information, with a lack of flow.

[Ed Courtney · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve read two other books by Dr. Amen, and one book by one of his associates. So this book had some repetition in it from his other books. But it does have some valuable insights, especially if you’ve never read one of his books before.

[Suzanne Lorraine Kunz Williams · Rating 1 out of 5]

I would not recommend this book to anyone. There are too many wise books that talk about building love to waste your time on reading this.

[Shirin Abdel Rahman · Rating 3 out of 5]

DISCLAIMER: it is not a dating book, it is a Medical book about the effect of love on brain, also it is loaded with Medical expressions.

[Louis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Usual Dr. Amen ideas on brain health, in particular how it can impact sexual behaviors. It was good.

[Nonie De Long · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of personal perspective intermingled with the data.

[Alyssa Chapin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative. I loved the bits of information Dr. Amen shares about how to better understand your partner in a relationship and how to be a better partner. Not a novel.

[Laura · Rating 1 out of 5]

hypersexualism and did not really teach me about the "brain in love"

[Anthony Hughes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fabulous research but choppy to read

[Fellini · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Нейрофизиология мозга для начинающих" - подумала я, прочитав первые пару глав. Это было интересно и познавательно. К сожалению, в последующих частях книги автор впал в типичное американско-маркетологическое "щас мы у вас найдём 3 проблемы и предложим 4 способа их решить". Как ни крути, получается у него, что всё решается визитом в его чудесную клинику, сканированием мозга и диагностике по получившейся картинке. А дальше кушайте таблеточки, занимайтесь сексом и другими физическими нагрузками - и всё наладится. Оптимистичненько =)
Утомляют однообразные примеры: у мистера Н. всё было плохо, потом он обратился в клинику и у него всё стало хорошо.

Ну и немножко капитанско-очевидных мыслей из книги:

Некоторые исследования выявили, что мозолистое тело (большой пучок нервных волокон, соединяющий два полушария мозга) у женщин объемнее, чем у мужчин, что обеспечивает лучшую связь между разными отделами мозга.
==========
Мужчины необыкновенно сосредоточены на поиске своего пути. Признание своей неудачи равноценно признанию собственной несостоятельности; мужчины чувствуют себя в некотором роде несчастными, делая это».
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Имея общий сниженный уровень активности, мужской мозг нуждается в постоянной стимуляции. Кроме того, промежуток времени, в течение которого мужчины способны удерживать внимание, короче, чем у женщин.
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если вы предсказываете себе поражение, то оно вероятно и случится.
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Давно известно, что умеренно выраженная (нормальная) человеческая «тревожность» — это научное обозначение того, что по-другому называется совестью.
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Трудно найти любовь и построить прочные отношения, если вы предъявляете к людям нереалистичные требования и заканчиваете отношения, не дав им шанса развиться. Над развитием социальных связей нужно работать. Это требует гибкости и умения прощать. Нам всем важно постоянно развивать свою эмпатию, ставя себя на место другого человека, а не полагать, что мы автоматически знаем, что чувствуют и думают люди, с которыми мы имеем дело.
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Алкоголь убивает клетки мозжечка — нижней задней части мозга, которая отвечает за координацию, обучение и оргазм.

[Arminda Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have long been a respecter of Dr. Amen’s work, having read “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life” several years ago. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend that book.

In “The Brain In Love,” Dr. Amen expertly guides us through the brain’s physicality, functions, likes and dislikes and how all of that understanding directly influences and informs our physical, emotional and sensual preferences. In addition to the practical applications of our brains’ tendencies while in love, Dr. Amen provides useful overviews of clinical conditions that directly impact our lives and how we relate to those we love.

The more clinical sections of the book were (understandably) my least favorite parts, but certainly a valuable inclusion.

The suggestions and practical applications of Dr. Amen’s research are delightful, entertaining and fun to consider and test in real life. Some favorite topics include:

— regular orgasms as the fountain of youth
— kissing the right side of the back of my neck is better than the left
— couples who exercise, dance and sing together have better sex
— he should definitely do the driving at night
— sex is a religious experience
— my love of shoes is directly connected to my sacral chakra ;)
— kiss me for no less than 10 seconds
— use ALL the senses to connect and to embed in each other
— do what the parrots do
— practice loving

[Grant · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed the whole book. I loved hearing how involved our mind / brain is in how we relate and how we deal and how we feel about and with the aspects of love. I enjoyed the insights and the research that the author did. I was very interested is how the different sides of the brain and body control and maintain the parts of the body. Love is so much deeper than we often give it credit for. The reasons we do what we do are the exterior motions and motives. But it was nice yo her so much mote about the interiors of our feelings and behaviors and thoughts and wants. I would recommend the book to any adult that wants a deeper look at love, All and how we love and the triggers that we can look for in ourselves and others. All the different things that have happened to us , can often affect the way we respond in relationships. I was amazed at how we can put something so out of our mind that we actually forget that it happened. But it can often affect us even though we don't remember it. I liked finding out about all the vitamins that we can take to help not only our brains , but our hearts and our circulation..... I for one am going to start taking a garlic supplement. :)

[Nelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some useful tidbits, such as (1) You're more likely to get a positive reaction to your partner when you stand to her right than left, because the left brain is less anxious, (2) the nerve-endings in your feet stimulate the part of your brain that neighbors the part of your brain stimulated by genitals (and that's why foot massages works so well), and (3) breakups are so difficult because your partner has been burned into your neurons, so when she [or he] leaves your brain doesn't know what to do. I originally bought the book for the chapter on how to make yourself memorable to your partner (do it through the five senses), and just for that I believe the book was worth the price.

The bulk of this book, however, is focused on treating brain disorders that get in the way of romance. I don't fault that; after all, that is where the research money goes to. But most people have normal brains, by definition, and certainly no one can have all the maladies covered by bulk of this book. So for the majority of the book, you'll be reading something that is likely not relevant to you.

Also keep in mind that the title of the original edition was Sex on the Brain.

[Afton Mortensen · Rating 3 out of 5]

The previous title for this book was "The Brain on Sex", I believe, so that tells you something. It's jam-packed with information about sex and it's affects on the brain, as well as how your hormones play a part in it all. I was surprised at how much focus there was on mental/emotional disorders (anxiety, depression) and their affect on your love and sex life. Pretty informative stuff all around.

[Kim Porter · Rating 2 out of 5]

The one exceptional thing I got from this book that has stuck with me is: "don't have sex with anyone you don't plan to fall in love with."
That rings true because I've had numerous friends who have said, they were only in it for 'one' thing blah blah blah. But when it came down to it, that one thing turned out to be wrong. Men can separate their feelings a lot easier then women can.

[Camille · Rating 5 out of 5]

This man introduces and clears away stigma about his revolutionary brain scanning process known as SPECT, which is known to be able to identify bipolar disorder in patients. While I believe some of his information to be wrong, there is nonetheless a lot of interesting help to be found in his books, in my opinion.

[Matthew · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit repetitious in a poorly-edited sort of way- it could've easily been presented in half the pages- but nonetheless a valuable read with plenty to consider as to the brain's roles in the experience of falling in love, breaking up, being an asshole, being a sexual deviant, and even a glimpse into religious experience.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating book on the physiological differences in brains and the impact of brain health on our personalities. This is not just a book about men/women, but a great book that helps us understand how to keep our brains healthy for happiness.

[Trish · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very intersesting book looking at the science behind the differences between men and women and people. Really enjoyed it and would love to have my brain scanned to figure out what parts arent working or working too much

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not as easy/flowy of a read as I would have liked, but some interesting chapters. Read this book if you've ever wondered what was happening in your brain at different stages in a romantic relationship.

[Cynthia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I especially enjoyed the neuroscience part of this book which looks at what happens when too much or too little activity is occurring in specific parts of the brain. There were also some good practical suggestions for improving brain function and therefore relationships.