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Effective Apology: Mending Fences, Building Bridges, and Restoring Trust
Politicians apologizing, celebrities needing to apologize, and business leaders failing at the attempt fill today’s headlines. In fact, we all have occasion to apologize. But we don’t need more apologies, says John Kador. We need more effective ones that restore strained relationships, create possibilities for growth, and generate better outcomes for all.
Effective Apology challenges you to think about the fundamental value of an apology, to you and the receiver, as it explores in detail the key dimensions—what Kador calls the Five Rs—of a wholehearted apology, one that heals and renews. Kador also offers advice on how to accept or reject an apology, ten apology dos and don’ts, and a quiz to test your Apology Quotient.
The willingness to apologize signals strength, character, and integrity—real leadership is impossible without it. With over 70 examples of the good, the bad, and the ineffective apology in action, no other book combines such a practical, how-to approach with a rich analysis of what it takes to make apology work in the real world.
Effective Apology challenges you to think about the fundamental value of an apology, to you and the receiver, as it explores in detail the key dimensions—what Kador calls the Five Rs—of a wholehearted apology, one that heals and renews. Kador also offers advice on how to accept or reject an apology, ten apology dos and don’ts, and a quiz to test your Apology Quotient.
The willingness to apologize signals strength, character, and integrity—real leadership is impossible without it. With over 70 examples of the good, the bad, and the ineffective apology in action, no other book combines such a practical, how-to approach with a rich analysis of what it takes to make apology work in the real world.
- GenresNonfiction
288 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2009
11 people are currently reading
140 people want to read
About the author
John Kador
33 books3 followersJohn Kador is the author of 12 business books. His latest book is "Effective Apology: Mending Fences, Building Bridges, and Restoring Trust."
John Kador is an independent business writer whose best-selling books and insightful articles have been helping business leaders work smarter and more profitably for more than three decades. John has written more than ten books under his own name as well as an equal number for which he served as ghostwriter.
John’s most recent book is Effective Apology: Mending Fences, Building Bridges, and Restoring Trust.
John Kador is an independent business writer whose best-selling books and insightful articles have been helping business leaders work smarter and more profitably for more than three decades. John has written more than ten books under his own name as well as an equal number for which he served as ghostwriter.
John’s most recent book is Effective Apology: Mending Fences, Building Bridges, and Restoring Trust.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
January 28, 2013
This is a good book if you are looking for an in-depth look at what is required for an adequate apology. Be warned: most of it is common knowledge somehow dragged out for 230 pages. Overall, I agree with the steps Kador suggests but feels that he can err on the side of melodramatic.
My biggest complaint is that Kador contradicts himself often. That could just be due to the complex nature of apologies.
My biggest complaint is that Kador contradicts himself often. That could just be due to the complex nature of apologies.
October 5, 2015
Pleasantly lucid and immensely logical, Kador weaves some compelling evidence to assert his belief in the power of apologies and to support his five steps of efficient apology. Perhaps because of his rhetoric experience, Kador is an amazingly clear writer who provides handy anecdotes and delivers with unprecedented sincerity and conciseness.
Especially in Asian culture where face is important, Kador helped me realise that apologies are not only transformative but necessary. The fact that ego plays such a big role in obstructing apology is something that needs to be changed and Kador suggests why not take Gandhi's advice and be the change we want to see.
It definitely is difficult to admit mistakes, even more so offer a complete, efficient apology. Not in practising the steps that are needed (as Kador brilliantly shows, isn't all that difficult), but in confronting who we really are inside; to take apart a carefully constructed positive image of ourselves in exchange for a grittier, blemished self that is more in touch with our identity in real life. Apology helps serve as a bridge to not only restored relationships, but to a greater self-awareness in light of mistakes made and the values it espouses.
In all, I'm more likely to try to apologise and apologise effectively because of this book. I cannot say how much this book has changed my life yet, but I know that it definitely has laid the foundations for mending many relationships I have broken and restoring trust that was once breached.
PS: I want to thank my brother who has been so amazingly patient with me and who values our relationship over most other things in his life, as do I. I picked this book up because of that faith he has in me and and after the book, I really think I've a chance to step up and change for the better. Thank you for your honesty and your belief in me as an elder brother.
Especially in Asian culture where face is important, Kador helped me realise that apologies are not only transformative but necessary. The fact that ego plays such a big role in obstructing apology is something that needs to be changed and Kador suggests why not take Gandhi's advice and be the change we want to see.
It definitely is difficult to admit mistakes, even more so offer a complete, efficient apology. Not in practising the steps that are needed (as Kador brilliantly shows, isn't all that difficult), but in confronting who we really are inside; to take apart a carefully constructed positive image of ourselves in exchange for a grittier, blemished self that is more in touch with our identity in real life. Apology helps serve as a bridge to not only restored relationships, but to a greater self-awareness in light of mistakes made and the values it espouses.
In all, I'm more likely to try to apologise and apologise effectively because of this book. I cannot say how much this book has changed my life yet, but I know that it definitely has laid the foundations for mending many relationships I have broken and restoring trust that was once breached.
PS: I want to thank my brother who has been so amazingly patient with me and who values our relationship over most other things in his life, as do I. I picked this book up because of that faith he has in me and and after the book, I really think I've a chance to step up and change for the better. Thank you for your honesty and your belief in me as an elder brother.
January 13, 2015
Take-Aways
Apologizing is essential to building and maintaining healthy relationships.
An apology is an effort to reach out and admit that you were wrong.
Apologizing is a skill anyone can master.
The objective of an apology is reconciliation and the repair of a relationship.
People are reluctant to apologize for fear of seeming weak, guilty or vulnerable.
Recognition, the first step in apologizing, involves specifically identifying the offense.
Accepting responsibility and exhibiting remorse are crucial elements of an apology.
Making restitution means trying to mend the damage done by the original offense.
No apology is sincere without a promise not to repeat the transgression.
When, where and how to apologize are important considerations.
Apologizing is essential to building and maintaining healthy relationships.
An apology is an effort to reach out and admit that you were wrong.
Apologizing is a skill anyone can master.
The objective of an apology is reconciliation and the repair of a relationship.
People are reluctant to apologize for fear of seeming weak, guilty or vulnerable.
Recognition, the first step in apologizing, involves specifically identifying the offense.
Accepting responsibility and exhibiting remorse are crucial elements of an apology.
Making restitution means trying to mend the damage done by the original offense.
No apology is sincere without a promise not to repeat the transgression.
When, where and how to apologize are important considerations.
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May 2, 2023I’ve learned that, in legal encounters, apologies are often avoided. Over the years, I’ve occasionally encountered situations where I’ve got contracts that are materially breached by larger entities. The degree to which the breach caused me harm could be questioned, but the fact that they violated the terms of the agreement couldn’t. In truth, when I confronted them on the issue, I didn’t want any restitution, I wanted them to agree to not repeat the transgression. However, instead of an apology, I got stonewalled, and it was frustrating.
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January 24, 2022
Phenomenal book. Some points I disagree with. A fee key components to apology I personally think are missing but definitely provides a lovely perspective on a framework to understand what must be part of a sincere meaningful apology. This book is older so the references are not timely. Would love to see an updated version.
March 8, 2023
Wow. This book really made me pause and think how I apologize for everyday mishaps and mistakes to big disagreements in life. The author breaks down the apology and uses real life examples to help drive the point further. I’ve truly learned so much and will be implementing this knowledge in my life! Highly recommend.
August 30, 2017
Useful but very repetitive. Can't help but feel like he try to add too much fluff to make the book 273 pages long. It's quite annoying to read a non-fiction book that is full of fluff.
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January 5, 2021تبنيميي
February 8, 2010
Helpful guide to apologizing correctly
Mistakes and misconduct are no longer private matters. With video-sharing Web sites and the proliferation of cellphone cameras, technology can expose every blunder and make it fodder for public opinion. Now, more than ever, it’s crucial to admit when you’ve make a mistake, earnestly say you’re sorry and back up your regret with action. John Kador explains how. He outlines the five elements of an effective apology –“recognition, responsibility, remorse, restitution and repetition” – and describes how to use them. He reinforces his suggestions with real examples of people who’ve succeeded or failed in an attempt to apologize. getAbstract recommends this book to managers in every field, and to anyone who wants to build strong relationships. And if it does not meet your needs, well, someone owes you an apology.
To learn more about this book, check out the following Web page: http://www.getabstract.com/summary/12...
Mistakes and misconduct are no longer private matters. With video-sharing Web sites and the proliferation of cellphone cameras, technology can expose every blunder and make it fodder for public opinion. Now, more than ever, it’s crucial to admit when you’ve make a mistake, earnestly say you’re sorry and back up your regret with action. John Kador explains how. He outlines the five elements of an effective apology –“recognition, responsibility, remorse, restitution and repetition” – and describes how to use them. He reinforces his suggestions with real examples of people who’ve succeeded or failed in an attempt to apologize. getAbstract recommends this book to managers in every field, and to anyone who wants to build strong relationships. And if it does not meet your needs, well, someone owes you an apology.
To learn more about this book, check out the following Web page: http://www.getabstract.com/summary/12...
December 24, 2012
Clear, efficient, meaningful, logical.
February 14, 2019
3.5 stars
While I feel like he's often repetitive, I have used his book often over the years, including with teaching. Definitely worth reading and applying.
While I feel like he's often repetitive, I have used his book often over the years, including with teaching. Definitely worth reading and applying.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews