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The $30,000 Bequest and Other Stories
Thirty witty stories
200 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1906
194 people are currently reading
659 people want to read
About the author
Mark Twain
8,872 books18.7k followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist and essayist. He was praised as the "greatest humorist the United States has produced," with William Faulkner calling him "the father of American literature." His novels include The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), with the latter often called the "Great American Novel." Twain also wrote A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889) and Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894), and co-wrote The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today (1873) with Charles Dudley Warner.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American writer, humorist and essayist. He was praised as the "greatest humorist the United States has produced," with William Faulkner calling him "the father of American literature." His novels include The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), with the latter often called the "Great American Novel." Twain also wrote A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889) and Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894), and co-wrote The Gilded Age: A Tale of Today (1873) with Charles Dudley Warner.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 74 reviews
July 18, 2021
A brilliant story about making your own success with wiles and determination. I quite enjoyed it! If only it were so easy for all of us!
November 5, 2015
ربما هي القراءة الأولى لـ " مـارك تويـن " .. سمعت عنه الكثير ولكن لا أذكر أني قرأت له من قبل..
لم ترق لي القصص كثيراً سوى القصة الأولى وهي " وصية الثلاثين ألف دولار " أما البقية فأغلبها ممل أو سقط في بئر الزمن ولم يكن واضحاً ما يحاول أن يوصله توين للقارئ..
November 26, 2019
“‘Money had brought him misery, and he took his revenge upon us, who had done him no harm. He had his desire: with base and cunning calculation he left us but thirty thousand, knowing we would try to increase it, and ruin our life and break our hearts. […]‘“
The 30,000 $ Bequest, which was written in late 1904, has a similar title to the better-known The 1,000,000 £ Note but it is infinitely bleaker in tone and spirit. A young couple, Electra and Saladin Foster, learn of a distant relative, an elderly uncle or cousin of umpteenth degree, who writes to tell them that he is going to leave them 30,000 $ provided they will not get in touch with him nor make any inquiries about him and his state of health nor attend his funeral when the time has come. He does this, as he writes, not in order to make them happy but rather the reverse: Seeing that money has ever been the root of unrest and trouble to him, he hopes that it will prove the same with regard to his next of kin.
The Fosters are very happy about this news, because even though they are not exactly poor, they have to look sharp in order to make ends meet, and they clearly do not see at all how the impeding inheritance should ever make them unhappy. Electra, the wife is especially good at spotting and taking opportunities to increase their modest stock. And now, in default of the real 30,000 $, she and her husband start playing the stock market with imaginary 30,000 $ and find that Electra is quite a dab hand at doing so. In addition to that, Electra has nerves of steel, which enables her to play a very risky game and still profit from it so that, in the end, the couple find themselves multimillionaires. Of course, only in imaginary money. Nevertheless, their heads are turned as though they had really come into the bequest already and invested it thus felicitously, and they start turning up their noses at prospective suitors to their two daughters, on the grounds that the candidates will simply not do for a family of such wealth and influence. Even a governor’s son must be sneered at by the Foster, who are so good at fostering dreams. They also fall into different ways of spending their money: Whereas Saladin likes to spend it on things that satisfy his various passions – gambling the most alarming of them –, his wife aspires towards higher and nobler things, like building hospitals, founding universities and engaging in other philanthropic works. They even fall out with each other over these pastimes – although, let’s not forget it, they never actually take place but only happen in their joint imagination, joint, that is, by those 30,000 $ which are due to come one day.
Well, you might imagine how it is all going to end, perhaps. The 30,000 $ Bequest can be read as a story about people who dream away their life instead of living it, but it is definitely also a cautionary tale about how easily people can be warped by money. Electra’s penchant for saving, and her warning to her husband not to touch the sum at all but increase it and live on the proceeds of the money, reminded me of Trina in Josef von Sternberg’s grand movie Greed and also the creeping descent of the couple into unwholesome habits goes into the same direction. One may also ask why, if people can be made so happy by the amassing of imaginary money and feel so devastated by the loss of it, they should still bother to run after the real thing, but, coming to think of it, that’s a stupid question … or is it?
Despite the intriguing story Mark Twain tells in The 30,000 $ Bequest, it is not too intriguingly written, has comparatively little humour but still lots and lots of words. The idea, in short, is good, but the execution is not too much so.
The 30,000 $ Bequest, which was written in late 1904, has a similar title to the better-known The 1,000,000 £ Note but it is infinitely bleaker in tone and spirit. A young couple, Electra and Saladin Foster, learn of a distant relative, an elderly uncle or cousin of umpteenth degree, who writes to tell them that he is going to leave them 30,000 $ provided they will not get in touch with him nor make any inquiries about him and his state of health nor attend his funeral when the time has come. He does this, as he writes, not in order to make them happy but rather the reverse: Seeing that money has ever been the root of unrest and trouble to him, he hopes that it will prove the same with regard to his next of kin.
The Fosters are very happy about this news, because even though they are not exactly poor, they have to look sharp in order to make ends meet, and they clearly do not see at all how the impeding inheritance should ever make them unhappy. Electra, the wife is especially good at spotting and taking opportunities to increase their modest stock. And now, in default of the real 30,000 $, she and her husband start playing the stock market with imaginary 30,000 $ and find that Electra is quite a dab hand at doing so. In addition to that, Electra has nerves of steel, which enables her to play a very risky game and still profit from it so that, in the end, the couple find themselves multimillionaires. Of course, only in imaginary money. Nevertheless, their heads are turned as though they had really come into the bequest already and invested it thus felicitously, and they start turning up their noses at prospective suitors to their two daughters, on the grounds that the candidates will simply not do for a family of such wealth and influence. Even a governor’s son must be sneered at by the Foster, who are so good at fostering dreams. They also fall into different ways of spending their money: Whereas Saladin likes to spend it on things that satisfy his various passions – gambling the most alarming of them –, his wife aspires towards higher and nobler things, like building hospitals, founding universities and engaging in other philanthropic works. They even fall out with each other over these pastimes – although, let’s not forget it, they never actually take place but only happen in their joint imagination, joint, that is, by those 30,000 $ which are due to come one day.
Well, you might imagine how it is all going to end, perhaps. The 30,000 $ Bequest can be read as a story about people who dream away their life instead of living it, but it is definitely also a cautionary tale about how easily people can be warped by money. Electra’s penchant for saving, and her warning to her husband not to touch the sum at all but increase it and live on the proceeds of the money, reminded me of Trina in Josef von Sternberg’s grand movie Greed and also the creeping descent of the couple into unwholesome habits goes into the same direction. One may also ask why, if people can be made so happy by the amassing of imaginary money and feel so devastated by the loss of it, they should still bother to run after the real thing, but, coming to think of it, that’s a stupid question … or is it?
Despite the intriguing story Mark Twain tells in The 30,000 $ Bequest, it is not too intriguingly written, has comparatively little humour but still lots and lots of words. The idea, in short, is good, but the execution is not too much so.
August 2, 2024
This collection is volume 18 in the 1923 printing of The Complete Works of Mark Twain. I acquired the set 30 years ago, and am finally getting close to completing it. It collects stories from the entirety of Mark Twain’s career, some as early as 1865, and a few from his final decade.
It’s not the stories proper that are the strength of this volume. For me, the best piece here were the humorous sketches drawn from the author’s own life and experiences. Mark Twain’s exaggerate telling of his struggles with the language while living in Italy, and his explanation of his own particular art of telling a story — these are gems. His facetious burlesque on the “Twain” family history, and his faking of a staid, English review of his book The Innocents Abroad rate as some of the funniest words he ever penned. Those two pieces alone added an extra star to my review.
The $30,000 Bequest: A distant, unpleasant relative promises to a young family a modestly large bequest, loaded with strangely restrictive conditions. Long before the money is received, the silly husband and wife obsess over imaginations of investing and spending, taking it quite as seriously as if the money was to hand. They make and spend fortunes in the air castles of their imaginations. It feels like a light tale, but the story has a surprisingly somber core.
3 1/2 ⭐️
A Dog’s Tale: ”My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a collie. But I am a Presbyterian.” A story told from the dog’s perspective. While it opens with Twain’s typical humor, it was a piece written to protest cruelty to animals, and ends sadly.
3 ⭐️
Was It Heaven? or Hell?: Here Mark Twain plays with the themes of conscience and Victorian morality of lying (a career-long focus of his). Aged twin sisters care for their dying niece and her daughter (also dying). They repeatedly break their strict code of no lying to bring comfort to their dying wards.
3 1/2 ⭐️
A Cure for the Blues: This is an introduction to the next tale, The Enemy Conquered, which is presented as the poorly written work of another author.
”The reader must not imagine that he is to find in it wisdom, brilliancy, fertility of invention, ingenuity of construction, excellence of form, purity of style, perfection of imagery, truth to nature, clearness of statement, humanly possible situations, fluent narrative, connected sequence of events — or philosophy, or logic, or sense. No; the rich, deep, beguiling charm of the book lies in the total and miraculous absence from it of all these qualities.”
3 ⭐️
The Enemy Conquered; or, Love Triumphant: The story described above. Good luck.
The Californian’s Tale: An old prospector, softened and civilized by a woman’s touch, takes joy in bragging of his wife to a visitor, and entreats him to stay long enough to meet her upon her return. Friends gather for the joyful reunion. A twist ensues.
2 1/2 ⭐️
A Helpless Situation: In which the author expresses distress and dismay at receiving letters from strangers begging his help to publish their books. A case in point is presented.
3 ⭐️
A Telephonic Conversation ”Visitors? No, we never use butter on them!” The joke lies in the novelty of listening to the single side of a phone conversation. As the novelty of that wore off over a century ago, the joke is pretty well flat. Still, there is some value in the author’s flourishes and as a period piece.
2 1/2 ⭐️
Edward Mills and George Benton: A Tale: A Mark Twain morality tale, twisted. A variation on the good son and evil seed trope, wherein he challenges the idea of goodness rewarded while mocking the naivety of churches and benevolent societies in their earnest faith in claims of reform, and how they lavish praise on the so-called reformer.
3 ⭐️
The Five Boons of Life: ”My name filled the world, and its praises were on every tongue, and it seemed well with me for a little while — how little a while it was!”
A bitter, nihilistic fairytale/parable. A fairy visits a man with five boons — pleasure, love, fame, riches, and death, and bids him choose wisely. He does not.
3 1/2 ⭐️
The First Writing Machines: A short sketch on the wonders and foibles of early typewriters, in which the author claims that Tom Sawyer was the first novel written (dictated) on one.
3 ⭐️
Italian Without a Master: ”The help are all native — they talk Italian to me, I answer in English. I do not understand them, they do not understand me. Consequentially, no harm is done, and everybody is satisfied. In order to be just and fair, I throw in an Italian word when I have one, and this is a good influence.” All about Mark Twain living in Italy with but a tenuous grasp of the language — and liking it.
4 ⭐️
Italian with Grammar: Mark Twain’s adventures in the Italian language continue. ”These finickal refinements revolt me!…Six hads is enough for me. Anybody who needs twelve, let him subscribe. I don’t want any stock in a had trust!”
3 1/2 ⭐️
A Burlesque Biography: ”This was in the 11th century, when our people were living in Aberdeen, County of Cork, England.” This ludicrous geography sets the tone for this biographical history of the Twain clan. For my taste, this is as pure an example of the outrageous satire of early Mark Twain as exists.
5 ⭐️
How To Tell A Story: A credible description of just how the author told a story and why and how it works.
”There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind — the humorous.”
”The humorous story is American. The comic story is English. The witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling, the comic story and the witty story upon the matter.”
4 ⭐️
General Washington’s Negro Body Servant: ”The stirring part of this celebrated colored man’s life properly began with his death.” Mark Twain was at his best when mocking newspaper hokum. Here he pokes fun at an oft repeated obituary of George, General Washington’s body servant. From 1809 in Boston, up through the 1860s, the obituary of this figure famous for his proximity to Greatness ran half a dozen times in as many different communities, each claiming him as their own, and his demise as a current event.
4 ⭐️
Wit Inspirations of the “Two-Year Olds”: On kid’s precociousness, and how it was discouraged in the author’s infancy.
4 ⭐️
An Entertaining Article: A supposed critical review by The London Saturday Review of The Innocents Abroad, but actually a mock-up by the author, absolutely hilarious in its literal and humorless critique. ”These statements are unworthy a moment’s attention. But why go on? Why report more of his mendacious and exasperating falsehoods? It is monstrous! Such statements are simply lies; there is no other name for them.”
”That the book is a deliberate and wicked creation of a diseased mind is apparent upon every page.”
5 ⭐️
A Letter to the Secretary of the Treasury: A short letter begging old government bonds and greenbacks to burn for fuel because customary fuel has reached too high a price.
4 ⭐️
Amended Obituaries to the Editor: the author wishes to be allowed to edit obituaries prepared for the occasion of his demise. ”Of necessity, an obituary is a thing which cannot be judiciously edited by any hand as by that of the subject of it. In considering this matter, in view of my approaching change, it has seemed to me wise to take such measures as may be feasible to acquire, by curtesy of the press, access to my standing obituaries, with the privilege, if this is not asking too much, of editing, not their facts, but their verdicts.”
4 ⭐️
A Monument to Adam: The author proposes, as a joke, a monument to humanity’s legendary parent so he will not be forgotten in the Age of Darwin. Others, apparently, took the proposal seriously.
3 ⭐️
A Humane Word From Satan: ”The following letter, signed by Satan and purporting to come from him, we have reason to believe was not written by him, but by Mark Twain.” Editor
2 1/2 ⭐️
Introduction to The New Guide of the Conversation in Portuguese and English: ”Many persons have believed that this book’s miraculous stupidities were studied and disingenuous, but no one can read the volume carefully through and keep that opinion. It was written in serious good faith, and deep earnestness by an honest and upright idiot who believed he knew something of the English language and could impart his knowledge to others.”
3 ⭐️
Advise to Little Girls: Wherein the author submits gems such as this — ”You ought never to take your little brother’s chewing gum away from him by main force. It is better to rope him in with a promise of the first two dollars and a half you find floating down the river on a grindstone. In the artless simplicity natural to this time of life, he will regard it as a perfectly fair transaction. In all ages of the world this eminently plausible fiction has lured the obtuse infant to financial ruin.”
4 ⭐️
Post-Mortem Poetry: The author mocks the rote death sentimentality of the Victorian Age. ”The friends of the deceased must have had misgivings that the corpse might not be praised highly enough, for they prepared some manuscript headings and notes in which nothing was left unsaid on that subject that a fervid imagination and an unabridged dictionary could compile.”
3 ⭐️
The Danger of Lying In Bed: An attack upon the insurance racket, or a plug for the safety of the railroads, or both.
2 1/2 ⭐️
Portrait of King William III: ”King William wears large, bushy side-whiskers, and some critics have thought that this portrait would be more complete if they were added, but it was not possible. There was not room for side-whiskers and epaulettes both, and so I let the whiskers go and put in the epaulettes, for the sake of style.”
3 ⭐️
Does the Race of Man Love a Lord?: ”We loved to be noticed by the conspicuous person. We love to be associated with such, or with a conspicuous event, even in a seventh-rate fashion, even in a forty-seventh, if we cannot do better.”
”We do love a lord, and by that term I mean any person whose situation is higher than our own. The lord of a group, for instance, a group of peers, a group of millionaires, a group of hoodlums, a group of sailors, a group of newsboys, a group of saloon politicians, a group of college girls.”
3 ⭐️
Eve’s Diary: ”I am the first wife, and in the last wife I shall be repeated”
At Eve’s grave — Adam; “Wheresoever she was, there was Eden” This may be the sweetest story Mark Twain wrote.
4 ⭐️
It’s not the stories proper that are the strength of this volume. For me, the best piece here were the humorous sketches drawn from the author’s own life and experiences. Mark Twain’s exaggerate telling of his struggles with the language while living in Italy, and his explanation of his own particular art of telling a story — these are gems. His facetious burlesque on the “Twain” family history, and his faking of a staid, English review of his book The Innocents Abroad rate as some of the funniest words he ever penned. Those two pieces alone added an extra star to my review.
The $30,000 Bequest: A distant, unpleasant relative promises to a young family a modestly large bequest, loaded with strangely restrictive conditions. Long before the money is received, the silly husband and wife obsess over imaginations of investing and spending, taking it quite as seriously as if the money was to hand. They make and spend fortunes in the air castles of their imaginations. It feels like a light tale, but the story has a surprisingly somber core.
3 1/2 ⭐️
A Dog’s Tale: ”My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a collie. But I am a Presbyterian.” A story told from the dog’s perspective. While it opens with Twain’s typical humor, it was a piece written to protest cruelty to animals, and ends sadly.
3 ⭐️
Was It Heaven? or Hell?: Here Mark Twain plays with the themes of conscience and Victorian morality of lying (a career-long focus of his). Aged twin sisters care for their dying niece and her daughter (also dying). They repeatedly break their strict code of no lying to bring comfort to their dying wards.
3 1/2 ⭐️
A Cure for the Blues: This is an introduction to the next tale, The Enemy Conquered, which is presented as the poorly written work of another author.
”The reader must not imagine that he is to find in it wisdom, brilliancy, fertility of invention, ingenuity of construction, excellence of form, purity of style, perfection of imagery, truth to nature, clearness of statement, humanly possible situations, fluent narrative, connected sequence of events — or philosophy, or logic, or sense. No; the rich, deep, beguiling charm of the book lies in the total and miraculous absence from it of all these qualities.”
3 ⭐️
The Enemy Conquered; or, Love Triumphant: The story described above. Good luck.
The Californian’s Tale: An old prospector, softened and civilized by a woman’s touch, takes joy in bragging of his wife to a visitor, and entreats him to stay long enough to meet her upon her return. Friends gather for the joyful reunion. A twist ensues.
2 1/2 ⭐️
A Helpless Situation: In which the author expresses distress and dismay at receiving letters from strangers begging his help to publish their books. A case in point is presented.
3 ⭐️
A Telephonic Conversation ”Visitors? No, we never use butter on them!” The joke lies in the novelty of listening to the single side of a phone conversation. As the novelty of that wore off over a century ago, the joke is pretty well flat. Still, there is some value in the author’s flourishes and as a period piece.
2 1/2 ⭐️
Edward Mills and George Benton: A Tale: A Mark Twain morality tale, twisted. A variation on the good son and evil seed trope, wherein he challenges the idea of goodness rewarded while mocking the naivety of churches and benevolent societies in their earnest faith in claims of reform, and how they lavish praise on the so-called reformer.
3 ⭐️
The Five Boons of Life: ”My name filled the world, and its praises were on every tongue, and it seemed well with me for a little while — how little a while it was!”
A bitter, nihilistic fairytale/parable. A fairy visits a man with five boons — pleasure, love, fame, riches, and death, and bids him choose wisely. He does not.
3 1/2 ⭐️
The First Writing Machines: A short sketch on the wonders and foibles of early typewriters, in which the author claims that Tom Sawyer was the first novel written (dictated) on one.
3 ⭐️
Italian Without a Master: ”The help are all native — they talk Italian to me, I answer in English. I do not understand them, they do not understand me. Consequentially, no harm is done, and everybody is satisfied. In order to be just and fair, I throw in an Italian word when I have one, and this is a good influence.” All about Mark Twain living in Italy with but a tenuous grasp of the language — and liking it.
4 ⭐️
Italian with Grammar: Mark Twain’s adventures in the Italian language continue. ”These finickal refinements revolt me!…Six hads is enough for me. Anybody who needs twelve, let him subscribe. I don’t want any stock in a had trust!”
3 1/2 ⭐️
A Burlesque Biography: ”This was in the 11th century, when our people were living in Aberdeen, County of Cork, England.” This ludicrous geography sets the tone for this biographical history of the Twain clan. For my taste, this is as pure an example of the outrageous satire of early Mark Twain as exists.
5 ⭐️
How To Tell A Story: A credible description of just how the author told a story and why and how it works.
”There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind — the humorous.”
”The humorous story is American. The comic story is English. The witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling, the comic story and the witty story upon the matter.”
4 ⭐️
General Washington’s Negro Body Servant: ”The stirring part of this celebrated colored man’s life properly began with his death.” Mark Twain was at his best when mocking newspaper hokum. Here he pokes fun at an oft repeated obituary of George, General Washington’s body servant. From 1809 in Boston, up through the 1860s, the obituary of this figure famous for his proximity to Greatness ran half a dozen times in as many different communities, each claiming him as their own, and his demise as a current event.
4 ⭐️
Wit Inspirations of the “Two-Year Olds”: On kid’s precociousness, and how it was discouraged in the author’s infancy.
4 ⭐️
An Entertaining Article: A supposed critical review by The London Saturday Review of The Innocents Abroad, but actually a mock-up by the author, absolutely hilarious in its literal and humorless critique. ”These statements are unworthy a moment’s attention. But why go on? Why report more of his mendacious and exasperating falsehoods? It is monstrous! Such statements are simply lies; there is no other name for them.”
”That the book is a deliberate and wicked creation of a diseased mind is apparent upon every page.”
5 ⭐️
A Letter to the Secretary of the Treasury: A short letter begging old government bonds and greenbacks to burn for fuel because customary fuel has reached too high a price.
4 ⭐️
Amended Obituaries to the Editor: the author wishes to be allowed to edit obituaries prepared for the occasion of his demise. ”Of necessity, an obituary is a thing which cannot be judiciously edited by any hand as by that of the subject of it. In considering this matter, in view of my approaching change, it has seemed to me wise to take such measures as may be feasible to acquire, by curtesy of the press, access to my standing obituaries, with the privilege, if this is not asking too much, of editing, not their facts, but their verdicts.”
4 ⭐️
A Monument to Adam: The author proposes, as a joke, a monument to humanity’s legendary parent so he will not be forgotten in the Age of Darwin. Others, apparently, took the proposal seriously.
3 ⭐️
A Humane Word From Satan: ”The following letter, signed by Satan and purporting to come from him, we have reason to believe was not written by him, but by Mark Twain.” Editor
2 1/2 ⭐️
Introduction to The New Guide of the Conversation in Portuguese and English: ”Many persons have believed that this book’s miraculous stupidities were studied and disingenuous, but no one can read the volume carefully through and keep that opinion. It was written in serious good faith, and deep earnestness by an honest and upright idiot who believed he knew something of the English language and could impart his knowledge to others.”
3 ⭐️
Advise to Little Girls: Wherein the author submits gems such as this — ”You ought never to take your little brother’s chewing gum away from him by main force. It is better to rope him in with a promise of the first two dollars and a half you find floating down the river on a grindstone. In the artless simplicity natural to this time of life, he will regard it as a perfectly fair transaction. In all ages of the world this eminently plausible fiction has lured the obtuse infant to financial ruin.”
4 ⭐️
Post-Mortem Poetry: The author mocks the rote death sentimentality of the Victorian Age. ”The friends of the deceased must have had misgivings that the corpse might not be praised highly enough, for they prepared some manuscript headings and notes in which nothing was left unsaid on that subject that a fervid imagination and an unabridged dictionary could compile.”
3 ⭐️
The Danger of Lying In Bed: An attack upon the insurance racket, or a plug for the safety of the railroads, or both.
2 1/2 ⭐️
Portrait of King William III: ”King William wears large, bushy side-whiskers, and some critics have thought that this portrait would be more complete if they were added, but it was not possible. There was not room for side-whiskers and epaulettes both, and so I let the whiskers go and put in the epaulettes, for the sake of style.”
3 ⭐️
Does the Race of Man Love a Lord?: ”We loved to be noticed by the conspicuous person. We love to be associated with such, or with a conspicuous event, even in a seventh-rate fashion, even in a forty-seventh, if we cannot do better.”
”We do love a lord, and by that term I mean any person whose situation is higher than our own. The lord of a group, for instance, a group of peers, a group of millionaires, a group of hoodlums, a group of sailors, a group of newsboys, a group of saloon politicians, a group of college girls.”
3 ⭐️
Eve’s Diary: ”I am the first wife, and in the last wife I shall be repeated”
At Eve’s grave — Adam; “Wheresoever she was, there was Eden” This may be the sweetest story Mark Twain wrote.
4 ⭐️
March 29, 2022
The title story features the imagination of a couple where the savvy wife has been planning how they will save and spend only interest from their inheritance. The ending's a shock, even sad.
“A Dog’s Tale” begins: “My father was a St Bernard, and my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian’ (30). Hilarious. His dogmom masters language by retaining large words, “whenever she heard a large word she said it over to herself many times, and so was able to keep it”(30). “She always had one word which she kept on hand, and ready, like a life-preserver, a kind of emergency word to strap on— that was the word Synonymous.”
The dogmom learns languages just as Twain does in a medieval villa near Florence, “I cannot speak the language; I am too old to learn how, also too busy when I am busy, too indolent when I am not…” but the ‘help’ are all natives; “They talk Italian to me, I answer in English; I do not understand them, they do not understand me, so everybody is satisfied. In order to be fair, I throw in an Italian word when I have one, and this has a good influence. I get the word out of the morning paper. I have to use it while it is fresh, for I find that Italian words do not keep in this climate” [where they originate] (p.172). “I have no dictionary, and do not want one…Many of them have a French or German or English look, and these I enslave for the day’s service. As a rule, not always. If I find a learnable phrase that warbles musically along I do not care to know the meaning of it.
“Yesterday’s word was avanti. It sounds Shakespearian, and probably means Avaunt and quit my sight. To-day I have a whole phrase: soon dispiacentissimo. I do not know what it means, but it seems to fit in everywhere and give satisfaction.”
“During my first week in the dreamy stillnessss of the woodsy and flowery place I was without news of the outside world, and was well content without it. This lack seemed to give life a new charm and grace, and to saturate it with a feeling verging on actual delight.”(173) “The trouble with an American paper is that it rakes the whole earth for blood and garbage, and the result is you are daily overfed and suffer a surfeit. As a rule, it concerns strangers only—people away off yonder, two thousand miles, ten thousand miles from where you are. Why, who cares what becomes of those people? I would not give the assassination of one personal friend for a whole massacre of those others.
“I saw at a glance that the Florentine papers would suit me: five out of six of its scandals and tragedies were local, adventures of one’s very neighbors. I subscribed.”
He reads one, “Il ritorno dei Beati d’Italia, Elargizione del Re al Ospedale Italiano” which he translates the Italian sovereigns return, enlarge by hospital food. This is illustrated by servants bringing dishes to a fat king. Absurd, and hilarious to me, who have visited every year (until 2019) to write two books on Giordano Bruno— one of which I spoke on at Harvard Center for Astrophysics. (Google “Giordano Bruno Harvard Video.”)
Twain does a "Burlesque Biography" of the Twains starting in 11th century Scotland, Aberdeen, and a satire on the newly invented, "A Telephonic Conversation." He gives only one side of the conversation, which is of course discontinuous and thus comic. "Then I heard k-look, k'look--klook, klook, klook-look-look-look! then a horrible gritting of teeth..."(124). "Pause." "Oh! B flat! I thought you said it was the cat!" "Pause." "Since when?" "Pause." "And was her mother there?"(127).
Read this in Vol XXVI, the Uniform Edition of Mark Twain. Harper and Brothers: New York, 1906.
“A Dog’s Tale” begins: “My father was a St Bernard, and my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian’ (30). Hilarious. His dogmom masters language by retaining large words, “whenever she heard a large word she said it over to herself many times, and so was able to keep it”(30). “She always had one word which she kept on hand, and ready, like a life-preserver, a kind of emergency word to strap on— that was the word Synonymous.”
The dogmom learns languages just as Twain does in a medieval villa near Florence, “I cannot speak the language; I am too old to learn how, also too busy when I am busy, too indolent when I am not…” but the ‘help’ are all natives; “They talk Italian to me, I answer in English; I do not understand them, they do not understand me, so everybody is satisfied. In order to be fair, I throw in an Italian word when I have one, and this has a good influence. I get the word out of the morning paper. I have to use it while it is fresh, for I find that Italian words do not keep in this climate” [where they originate] (p.172). “I have no dictionary, and do not want one…Many of them have a French or German or English look, and these I enslave for the day’s service. As a rule, not always. If I find a learnable phrase that warbles musically along I do not care to know the meaning of it.
“Yesterday’s word was avanti. It sounds Shakespearian, and probably means Avaunt and quit my sight. To-day I have a whole phrase: soon dispiacentissimo. I do not know what it means, but it seems to fit in everywhere and give satisfaction.”
“During my first week in the dreamy stillnessss of the woodsy and flowery place I was without news of the outside world, and was well content without it. This lack seemed to give life a new charm and grace, and to saturate it with a feeling verging on actual delight.”(173) “The trouble with an American paper is that it rakes the whole earth for blood and garbage, and the result is you are daily overfed and suffer a surfeit. As a rule, it concerns strangers only—people away off yonder, two thousand miles, ten thousand miles from where you are. Why, who cares what becomes of those people? I would not give the assassination of one personal friend for a whole massacre of those others.
“I saw at a glance that the Florentine papers would suit me: five out of six of its scandals and tragedies were local, adventures of one’s very neighbors. I subscribed.”
He reads one, “Il ritorno dei Beati d’Italia, Elargizione del Re al Ospedale Italiano” which he translates the Italian sovereigns return, enlarge by hospital food. This is illustrated by servants bringing dishes to a fat king. Absurd, and hilarious to me, who have visited every year (until 2019) to write two books on Giordano Bruno— one of which I spoke on at Harvard Center for Astrophysics. (Google “Giordano Bruno Harvard Video.”)
Twain does a "Burlesque Biography" of the Twains starting in 11th century Scotland, Aberdeen, and a satire on the newly invented, "A Telephonic Conversation." He gives only one side of the conversation, which is of course discontinuous and thus comic. "Then I heard k-look, k'look--klook, klook, klook-look-look-look! then a horrible gritting of teeth..."(124). "Pause." "Oh! B flat! I thought you said it was the cat!" "Pause." "Since when?" "Pause." "And was her mother there?"(127).
Read this in Vol XXVI, the Uniform Edition of Mark Twain. Harper and Brothers: New York, 1906.
August 12, 2013
أكثر ما يعجبني في مؤلفات مارك توين قدرته الفائقة على تطويع سخريته اللاذعة لانتقاد الرذائل البشرية و بعض الأخلاق الوضيعة . كتاباته مسلية للغاية و عميقة أيضاً في ذات الوقت ، المشكلة الوحيدة التي واجهتها هنا هو سوء الترجمة في بعض المواضع إذ أدت إلى إضعاف المؤلَّف نوعاً ما .
January 28, 2024
هذا ما يسمى ب" أحلام اليقضه" يضيع عمر الإنسان وهو يحلم و يعيش في السراب
July 21, 2019
Probably the best collection Twain published in his lifetime. Includes Dog’s Tale and Adam & Eve.
September 17, 2012
It's a serie of short stories, I particularly enjoyed the one about the $30,000 bequest, which is about a couple that are to receive said bequest and they start imagining what to do with the money. Suddenly you're reading about their vast wealth, but they still haven't got the bequest. I also really liked Adam and Eve's diaries, they are just so much fun.
June 21, 2011
I'm apparently not much of a fan of Mark Twain. I get bored by his witticisms and ramblings. Not always, but in this collection of stories... well, not my cup of tea.
October 6, 2020
أحببت وصية الثلاثين ألف دولار ، أجنة أم نار ، إدوارد ميلز وجورج بت ، وهِبات الحياة الخمس 💙
March 9, 2017
A great short story about imaginary millionaires
August 15, 2023
A sort of whimsical, overstated satire. A fun read. Enough is never enough.
January 20, 2020
The final collection published in Twain's lifetime, and spanning almost forty years' worth of his work, this is a disparate, sometimes great, sometimes genuinely dismal jumble of the (near)best and (dirt)worst of his output.
Much of it is amusing enough, but feels inconsequential. The two entries on the Italian language ('... Without a Master' and '... With Grammar'), 'A Telephonic Conversation', 'How To Tell A Story' (even with what would, by today's terms, seem eye-wateringly racist*), 'Amended Obituaries', 'The Danger of Lying in Bed' and his sarcastic 'Advice to Little Girls' are interesting pieces that raise a smile or two. 'The Californian's Tale' is good, but sad. 'General Washington's Negro Body-servant' is worth a read, as is 'A Monument to Adam' and 'A Humane Word From Satan'.
Some of it simply filler, fit mostly for Twain completists to say they've read it - 'A Helpless Situation', 'The Five Boons of Life', 'The First Writing-machines', 'Wit Inspiration of the Two Year Olds', 'A Letter to the Secretary of the Treasury', 'Post-mortem Poetry' and 'Portrait of King William III' are simply things I read or listened to (I went through this collection via my Kindle and, when dog-walking, Librivox) and forgot almost immediately.
Some of it is, quite honestly, unremittingly awful. The Portuguese bit falls very flat. 'A Cure for the Blues' raises the odd smile - being a caustic review, with hefty use of long passages, of a terrible book by one G. Ragsdale McClintock but, when paired with the next story, an interminable, mirthless romantic melodrama by G. Ragsdale McClintock, it becomes almost a literary (and literal) insult. I once read an interview with Bret Easton Ellis where he questioned the sanity of anyone who actually read those deliberately off-putting passages in 'American Psycho' about Patrick Bateman's personal grooming. I'd happily chose a thousand of them over a re-read of the supposed McClintock's book. It takes a lot for me to consider abandoning a book, but Ragsdale's almost spiked this entire collection for me.
Still, there are some excellent pieces here. The title story is classic Twain. An embittered old man leaves a distant relative a life-changing sum of money, only to be collected under the strictest of terms. It's a funny, bitterly dark satire of marriage, probity and 'correct behaviour', with a killer ending. As one of those mawkish animal lovers who was fine with the Will Smith screen version of 'I Am Legend' until the dog dies, 'A Dog's Tale' stood out for me, too. It's by turns sentimental, beautiful, manipulative, shocking and sad and once featured in an anti-vivisectionist pamphlet. You've been warned, dog people...
'Was it Heaven? Or Hell?' is an intriguing tale about the morality of telling lies to protect people and 'Edwin Mills and Benton: A Tale' is a sharply crafted dig at the hypocrisy of a society that will bend over backwards to help losers and criminals and abandon honest, decent men without a second thought. It's overblown, but effective.
'A Burlesque Biography' is great, playful fun, in which Twain rattles off all the supposed historical ineptitude and criminality blighting his family tree. 'An Entertaining Article' is just that. A grim, poker-faced review of Twain's travelogue 'Innocents Abroad' that purports to take every single one of it's jokes seriously, it's hugely fun to read and is a fine example of Twain playing with his readership.
'Does the Race of Man Love a Lord?' is fun and insightful and surprisingly relevant in an age of Instagram 'influencers' and politicians elected more for their fame than their ability and with his extracts from Adam And Eve's diaries, Twain ends the collection on a high note with real comedy, and wisdom, falling off the page in his subtle digs at gender politics and religion. Their differing views of the same events are skillfully crafted and work extremely well.
* I've gone over this in previous reviews but, just for the sake of clarity - negatively judging anything from the 19th century on the basis on early 21st century morals is simply stupid, crass point-missing.
Much of it is amusing enough, but feels inconsequential. The two entries on the Italian language ('... Without a Master' and '... With Grammar'), 'A Telephonic Conversation', 'How To Tell A Story' (even with what would, by today's terms, seem eye-wateringly racist*), 'Amended Obituaries', 'The Danger of Lying in Bed' and his sarcastic 'Advice to Little Girls' are interesting pieces that raise a smile or two. 'The Californian's Tale' is good, but sad. 'General Washington's Negro Body-servant' is worth a read, as is 'A Monument to Adam' and 'A Humane Word From Satan'.
Some of it simply filler, fit mostly for Twain completists to say they've read it - 'A Helpless Situation', 'The Five Boons of Life', 'The First Writing-machines', 'Wit Inspiration of the Two Year Olds', 'A Letter to the Secretary of the Treasury', 'Post-mortem Poetry' and 'Portrait of King William III' are simply things I read or listened to (I went through this collection via my Kindle and, when dog-walking, Librivox) and forgot almost immediately.
Some of it is, quite honestly, unremittingly awful. The Portuguese bit falls very flat. 'A Cure for the Blues' raises the odd smile - being a caustic review, with hefty use of long passages, of a terrible book by one G. Ragsdale McClintock but, when paired with the next story, an interminable, mirthless romantic melodrama by G. Ragsdale McClintock, it becomes almost a literary (and literal) insult. I once read an interview with Bret Easton Ellis where he questioned the sanity of anyone who actually read those deliberately off-putting passages in 'American Psycho' about Patrick Bateman's personal grooming. I'd happily chose a thousand of them over a re-read of the supposed McClintock's book. It takes a lot for me to consider abandoning a book, but Ragsdale's almost spiked this entire collection for me.
Still, there are some excellent pieces here. The title story is classic Twain. An embittered old man leaves a distant relative a life-changing sum of money, only to be collected under the strictest of terms. It's a funny, bitterly dark satire of marriage, probity and 'correct behaviour', with a killer ending. As one of those mawkish animal lovers who was fine with the Will Smith screen version of 'I Am Legend' until the dog dies, 'A Dog's Tale' stood out for me, too. It's by turns sentimental, beautiful, manipulative, shocking and sad and once featured in an anti-vivisectionist pamphlet. You've been warned, dog people...
'Was it Heaven? Or Hell?' is an intriguing tale about the morality of telling lies to protect people and 'Edwin Mills and Benton: A Tale' is a sharply crafted dig at the hypocrisy of a society that will bend over backwards to help losers and criminals and abandon honest, decent men without a second thought. It's overblown, but effective.
'A Burlesque Biography' is great, playful fun, in which Twain rattles off all the supposed historical ineptitude and criminality blighting his family tree. 'An Entertaining Article' is just that. A grim, poker-faced review of Twain's travelogue 'Innocents Abroad' that purports to take every single one of it's jokes seriously, it's hugely fun to read and is a fine example of Twain playing with his readership.
'Does the Race of Man Love a Lord?' is fun and insightful and surprisingly relevant in an age of Instagram 'influencers' and politicians elected more for their fame than their ability and with his extracts from Adam And Eve's diaries, Twain ends the collection on a high note with real comedy, and wisdom, falling off the page in his subtle digs at gender politics and religion. Their differing views of the same events are skillfully crafted and work extremely well.
* I've gone over this in previous reviews but, just for the sake of clarity - negatively judging anything from the 19th century on the basis on early 21st century morals is simply stupid, crass point-missing.
December 28, 2021
Собственно про историю "30000 долларов в наследство". Очень незамысловато. Твен уже писал рассказы, где на добропорядочных американцев сваливалось неожиданное богатство, что приводило их к немедленному моральному растлению и потере всякой благопристойности. В данном случае богатство оказывается чисто воображаемым. Уже после объявления о наследстве понятно как будет дальше развиваться история и никакого интереса не представляет. Немного неожиданно, что в конце оказывается, что никакого наследства и не было и герои вскоре самым простым образом помирают. Тут можно было придумать что-нибудь поинтереснее. Например, что спустя пять лет наследство в 30т. они бы получили, но после всех своих воображаемых тягостей, согласились бы совсем не тратить и не пускать его в оборот. А так это какая-то глупая шутка.
April 9, 2023
A brilliant story, by all means. It is the strangest request for morals through immoralities. A story that started fine and ended well after self-battles with the selfishly materialistic desires of its capital characters. All are symbolically meaningful! Yet, the far-distanced relative was the brilliant fellow to teach them all ethical values by promising the unpossessed givings...! REALLY: The STORY of all stories, so far!
October 17, 2018
I love Mark Twain but this book is very different than his usual style. The good stories are of excellent quality but they are few and far between. Most of the book is random ramblings and nonsense. I would still recommend that people read this book as the few good stories are really a treat and will make you think a lot about life in general.
June 4, 2020
This confirmed to me that I do not enjoy reading Mark Twain. I find him above all patronising and 'smarmy', so full of self-importance.
A lot of these stories don't seem to be stories: at best, social commentary. Of those which are stories many do not appear to have a 'point'.
A lot of these stories don't seem to be stories: at best, social commentary. Of those which are stories many do not appear to have a 'point'.
July 4, 2023
I read it just for the sake of reading it and it had nothing to make me laugh.Sometimes a simple smile seemed to lost in this book.Twain's best weapon is satire but satire cannot always land you on a joke that make people laught out their guts.This book didn't do for me well.
December 22, 2023
I wanted to read this because I was feeling ill and thought Twain's infamous with would cheer me up. Some of the sections in this did exactly what I wanted - they were funny. There were others which I couldn't get into.
December 18, 2025
Twain was one of the American geniuses of humor of the 19th Century, but this is not his best work, taken altogether. Nevertheless, there are gems:
- The opening novella
- Was It Heaven? Or Hell?
- Italian Without a Master
- Adam's and Eve's diaries
- The opening novella
- Was It Heaven? Or Hell?
- Italian Without a Master
- Adam's and Eve's diaries
January 7, 2018
Him humor is truly something fresh and different to what I’m used to. Enjoyed almost every page.
July 11, 2018
It seems Mr. Twain's and my respective senses of humor are a rather poor match. Some stories within this collection were acceptable, such as "Advice for Little Girls" and the diaries of Adam and Eve.
February 11, 2019
Mostly essays and book reviews and a terrible story about a dog. :(
January 23, 2020
There were a few excellent stories in here, but many were not very good.
October 12, 2021
جزء من سخرية العراب مستمد من الأديب مارك توين على ما اعتقد. 👍😊
Read
October 23, 2021I am glad I borrowed this book from the library rather than buying it. It is just not up to Mark Twain's usual standards. It sparkles in places, but is mostly rather dull reading.
March 20, 2022
عجبتنى جدا وصية الثلاثين دولار
وأبكتنى أجنة ام نار
وكرهت جورج بت
وأبكتنى أجنة ام نار
وكرهت جورج بت
November 23, 2022
رائعة جداً جداً جداً ضحكت كثيراً
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