Resilience: How Your Inner Strength Can Set You Free from the Past

by Boris Cyrulnik

Many of us experience pain in our childhoods, and young people face trauma all over the world. How is it possible to recover? Do those abused always go on to hurt others? This incredible bestseller has overturned the way we view trauma, by showing how the extraordinary power of resilience can heal damaged lives.

Renowned psychoanalyst Boris Cyrulnik has dealt with many young victims of distress and he relates stories of children who have been abused, orphaned, fought in wars and escaped genocide, yet who have not only survived, but grown in the face of adversity. By the way we deal with our memories and emotions, he shows, we can reshape our lives and transform pain into something stronger - just as a grain of sand in an oyster becomes a pearl.

Resilience is not just about resisting; it is about learning to live. This life-changing book points the way towards hope and happiness.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Self Help, Relationships, Health

200 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2003

About the author

Boris Cyrulnik est neuropsychiatre et directeur d'enseignement à l'université de Toulon. Il est l'auteur d'immenses succès, notamment Un Merveilleux malheur, Les Vilains Petits Canards, Parler d'amour au bord du gouffre et De chair et d'âme.

Reviews

[Miranda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some really interesting ideas and insights into the recovery of children who have suffered traumas in their lives, but I wasn't too keen on the structure or the use of case studies. I thought it seemed slightly unstructured and the case studies were overused and simplistic - less of them, but with more depth would have been more useful, I think. Overall though, the book was interesting and most definitely worth reading and I found some of the points it made about traumatised people telling their stories very pertinent in relation to the current abundance of memoirs of abused children.

[Maria · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, the idea is interesting, what makes us resilience? What can make one child a survivor and another suffer terible mental illness. I just could not get on with his writing style, I wanted neat chapters outlining the theory with case studies, he wrote it a poetic style with snippets of case studies strewn throughout, but with no real depth. The poetical nature meant it was hard to follow and really understand. I'm not sure I'd attempt a book by this author again if this is the style they will follow.

[Leif Denti · Rating 2 out of 5]

The subject is interesting but the book could have used some minimal structure or at least some headings. I listened to the book and was constantly confused as what the author was writing about. "What's the topic again?" I guess long sweeping narratives and endless case studies is the standard structure for psychoanalytic books, but it doesn't work for me.

[Alex Storer · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting read, but lacked detail and deeper analysis. Topics were plentiful and skimmed over; I would have preferred fewer, more detailed insights. Maybe a little long, but certainly leaves you with something to think about, touching on a few home truths along the way.

[Ruth · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of this was good information, but nothing new. It just confirmed what I already know. I did not like the way it was written. Also, it was not anything like what I expected after having read the description on Amazon. I was very disappointed.

[J Crossley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book educational. The author looked at different studies about trauma and how trauma’s effects affect us later during the recovery process. I appreciated specific stories about survivors and how they best recovered. The book seemed a bit disjointed to me.

[Will · Rating 4 out of 5]

'Resilience' is your ability to bounce back, and 'knitting' successfully is weaving your personal story into something that is both socially acceptable, and what truly represents your personality and history.

The content is worth it, but not as approachable as it could be. The main focus is the child and adult trauma of orphans and those affected by war trauma, and the potential subsequent effect on their offspring. I think a lot can be gleaned from reading this.

The only negatives are that the writing style, a somewhat different approach to chapter organisation, and French references that are potentially hard to relate to (but it's good that Cyrulnik shares his culture with us).

For anyone that has grown up in what could be classed as a non-standard upbringing, or has unresolved stories form their past, this could be a healing book - but it may also force you to confront parts of your past that you would rather forget. Part of sharing that with an empathetic and accepting listener, and adding it to your personal story, is what this book encourages towards a path of healing.

[Rod · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an interesting and thought-provoking book. It is not a self-help manual, and also does not give clear guidance on how to help others become 'resilient'. Rather, it reflects the author's understanding of how some people show resilience in the face of traumatic early-life experiences. The outcome is contingent and depends both on qualities within an individual and on the degree to which the person encounters an appropriately supportive environment. For readers (such as myself, when I began reading the book) who are looking for clear guidlines on how resilience happens or what can make it happen, this approach may be frustrating. But I do think Cyrulnik provides a wise and judicious treatment of an important question.

[Johnathon RATCLIFFE · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful and illuminating. Easy for a nonprofessional to understand and relate to the examples given and to extrapolate from them. The only possible improvement would be a rework of the English translation. In places it's a little clumsy but it doesn't impede understanding.

[Victor Trifan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buen libro para entender lo mucho que afeecta la infancia y las experiencias vividas en esta etapa.

[Raina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very interesting book. However, I’m glad I listened to it as I think it might have been a difficult read through some of the technical stuff.

[Andrew · Rating 1 out of 5]

This one wasn’t for me.

I didn’t enjoy this one. I found it very monotonous.

Happy Reading, everybody!

[Kiki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very insightful book, but it deserved a better editing or writing style.

[Tammy Aston · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good start to understand resilience

Author talks mostly about the resilience of concentration camp survivors. Most interesting to me was the affect from a generational perspective.

[Izra · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ce livre, bien qu'intéressant, est une des preuves qu'il est grand temps de repenser toutes les théories psychologiques avec un oeil déconstruit, et que la culture du viol est présente partout, même dans la psychologie et la thérapie. Car il regorge de déductions qui découlent d'une vision sexiste et genrée (stéréotypes sexistes et de genre) qui créent déjà du tort aux personnes à la base, mais encore plus dans un cadre thérapeutique.

En parlant de culture du viol, bonjour le passage où un intervenant, S. Tomkiewicz, dit aux parents de son filleul qu'il "ne devrait pas se soûler avec un garçon mais plutôt une petite copine, c'est beaucoup plus positif ensuite..." !!
Donc en gros, on se soûle comme ça on peut plus facilement coucher?? Bonjour le non respect du consentement éclairé, bonjour la culture du viol. Et ce type est cité dans un livre sur la résilience, qui parle beaucoup de violences sexuelles et de viol? Une honte.

Je repense aussi au passage où il est dit qu'une femme violée retrouve de l'estime de soi lorsqu'un homme lui dit qu'il attend quelque chose d'elle, que ce soit amical, affectif, ou sexuel, qu'il attend qu'elle lui donne quelque chose, et que c'est cela qui "revalorise la femme et lui redonne sa place de femme entière."
Ce qui est terrible car (et si cela se retrouve en vrai, c'est à cause des conditionnements des femmes depuis l'enfance à servir, être à l'écoute, des hommes notamment) cela replace la femme comme femme=utile, femme)objet, femme qui ne peut être entière pour elle même et par elle=même qui a besoin d'un mâle pour être complète et se reconstruire.
Alors que ces notions sexistes contribuent totalement à la culture du viol dans laquelle nous nous trouvons, cette femme elle-même victime de viol, doit retourner dans cette spirale de culture du viol, pour à nouveau se sentir complète...? Sournois et un tantinet pervers.

[Pamela · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was intrigued when I saw this book sitting on the shelf at my local bookstore. The title alone was enough to catch my eye. The stories are emotional yet contextually written at the same time. The theories and studies done on children who had experienced a variety of different traumas as children, and how that affected them in the years to come was also enough to me keep reading. Also, the idealism behind the way we use "survivor" was even more of a curiosity that I cared to keep chasing. But, it became redundant (I realize he was making factual references for each example he'd use or go back to) but I just felt like it came to a point where I kept turning the page but looking at the same one I had just read. But, I did read it.

However, I'm just an average reader that enjoys a variety of genres.

[Ron]

Very powerful read, language a bit academic and indecipherable at times

[Anne-louise Fortin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Très utile pour les éducateurs. J'ai lu ce livre pour m'aider à monter une formation en cirque social et il s'est avéré très intéressant.

[Jessica Brazeal Slaven · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting ideas, but overall really theoretical and less evidence-based.

[Angiel Stahley · Rating 5 out of 5]

great book!! :)