So When Are You Having Kids: The Definitive Guide for Those Who Aren’t Sure If, When, or How They Want to Become Parents

by Jordan Davidson

As we expand our understanding of what “family” means, we need to change the way we think about having kids.
 
How much does it cost to have kids? How long can I wait? What if I have fertility issues? And, wait a minute… do I even ​want kids? If you’re unsure whether you want kids or struggling to decide, this book is for you. 
 
So When Are You Having Kids? is not your parents’ parenting book, nor is it a how-to for getting pregnant. It’s a nonjudgmental, inclusive guidebook for women, men, gender-nonconforming people, same-sex couples, and prospective single parents who want to make an informed decision regarding if and how they bring children into the world. Combining research with over 100 compelling real-life stories, the resources in this book are as diverse as the generations they’re meant to serve.
 
With deep insight and empathy, Davidson
 
•  Ways to cope with familial and societal pressure to have children
•  What makes a good parent, and the skills you need to be one
•  The facts about infertility, adoption, fostering, and alternative methods of becoming a parent
•  The real financial costs of having and raising kids
•  How to move past fears related to pregnancy and childbirth
•  The ethics and consequences of having kids in the face of climate change
•  And, what it means to choose a child-free life for those who are unsure whether they want kids
 
So When Are You Having Kids? is a much-needed resource for family planning in the modern world, packed with the knowledge and tools you need to make one of the most important decisions—if not the most important decision—of your life. 

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Self Help, Feminism, Childrens, Gender Studies, Philosophy

361 pages, Kindle Edition

Published December 6, 2022

Reviews

[Selena · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like I’ve never been more undecided on a topic than kids and it had been on my mind a lot when I saw this book come up on my goodreads feed. I’m not sure if I’m any closer to an answer but thought this book was fantastic and definitely recommend!

It had a lot of good stats but relied heavily on quotes/anecdotes from a wide variety of individuals. I was not expecting the raw honesty that I got from some of those quotes which was something I feel like I’ve missed when it comes to discussing this topic with people who have kids. I appreciated the wide range of topics this author covered (I feel validated that being scared of pregnancy is not only normal but got an entire chapter in here!). There were thought provoking questions (how will the way I was raised affect my parenting abilities? Why do we ask people why they don’t want kids but never ask people why they want kids??) and good practical advice (ways to save money on baby supplies; what recovery time to expect from an egg retrieval). The author displayed a ton of empathy and brought a very nonjudgmental, open minded tone to this book. She also did an amazing job of representation across many races, ages, sexuality, gender orientation, and relationship type/status. Of course, each topic couldn’t get a deep dive but I thought it was relatively thorough given the amount it covered and again left me with a lot to think about!

[Kara Babcock · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those questions that gets asked of you at a certain time in your life. Sherronda J. Brown introduced me to the term chrononormativity when I read Refusing Compulsory Sexuality , and that made a lot of things click for me. So When Are You Having Kids?: The Definitive Guide for Those Who Aren't Sure If, When, or How They Want to Become Parents is a practical guide for addressing a very specific aspect of chrononormativity (which is the expectation that your life will unfold in a predictable, progressive, mostly linear path). Jordan Davidson’s look at the important decisions and facts around having kids is incisive, inclusive, and extremely comprehensive. This is the kind of book I think a lot of young adults need access to!

I received an eARC from NetGalley and Sounds True Books in exchange for a review. I was drawn to So When Are You Having Kids? because of its promise to truly include gender and sexual diversity in its discussion of childbearing and childrearing. Davidson does her best to include as many different perspectives and experiences in the book. There are first-person testimonials from people of all shape, ability, and genders—yes, this is a book that boldly announces up front it will be gender-inclusive, and it follows through in its language and the people Davidson interviews. From cis men and women to non-binary folx, straight to gay to bi or pan or ace, from people who can get pregnant to those who can’t—this is a book that acknowledges that there is far more to a family than one man, one woman, and the hope that baby will make three.

This is valuable to me. When I was a kid, of course, thanks to chrononormativity I just kind of assumed I would be a parent, likely of biological children, one day. Yet as I grew up, I learned a lot about myself. I’m asexual and aromantic. Neither of these identities precludes me from having children, of course, but it is one way in which I diverged from the heteronormative narrative. Then, a few years ago, I realized I’m trans. As Davidson explores in this book, trans people often face steep challenges when having kids—not just as a result of the rising tide of discrimination and stigma, but also because of gender dysphoria and financial pressures that make it harder to access gender-affirming care.

So as I move through my thirties, my life looks a lot different from how teenage Kara imagined it. And I’m ok with that! I want to be the cool aunt who takes care of my friends’ kids so they can smash. I want to be the one who is available for a late-night phone chat because I’m not exhausted taking care of my own littles. I want to build a big, big chosen family around me full of people from all kinds of backgrounds—people with kids, people without kids—who take care of me and are taken care of by me in return. I don’t need biological children to do that.

But boy, was this book ever a fascinating education about having children!

See, I came for the inclusivity but I stayed for the science. Each chapter here was a revelation. Like, I think I have a reasonably good level of sexual education—certainly more than, alas, your average American, and probably more than most Canadian chicky boos too. But Davidson has done her research, oh my. First with the social science—stats upon studies of information about who’s doing it, at what age, or why we’re not doing it. A lot of this connects with things I’ve read in other books, like The Burnout Generation or treatises on climate change. Then with the biology: how ovulation, fertilization, and implantation actually happens. There’s also a lot of information on the expense of having a kid, a chapter that is very US-focused and reminds me of how important it is to stop Doug Ford from privatizing our Canadian healthcare system.

If you have a question about having kids, the answer is probably in this book.

There’s also a whole section dedicated to not having kids! I would have liked to see a little more time spent on reproductive rights and abortion rights—the book includes testimonials from some people who have had abortions, and Davidson does mention that women (we do not have much data for other genders who can become pregnant) who delay having children tend to be more successful and satisfied in other areas of their lives. However, given the political climate around abortion access in the US right now, I wish this book had been louder in pushing for a conversation around why protecting abortion access is important.

Our society puts a lot of pressure on us—especially women—to have kids. (My bestie and I did a whole podcast episode about this.) As Davidson remarks early in the book, we are expected to justify a decision not to have children, yet we seldom, if ever, ask people why they have children. And whatever your stance on our evolutionary duty to pass on our genes, the fact remains that many people for a variety of reasons cannot have kids, cannot even be parents to adopted kids, no matter how much they might want to. On the flip side, many people who think they will never have kids end up becoming parents through one turn of events or another.

This was what stuck with me the most from this book: the sheer unpredictability of life. The fact that we cannot have it all. As always, I come back to My Real Children , by Jo Walton, which follows one woman across two parallel lives. We can’t have kids and also not have kids, and as much as we try to steer our lives, nudge them along certain trajectories, external events will always shape those paths as well.

Oh yeah, this book gave me the philosophical feels, big time.

So When Are You Having Kids? is a fusion of fact and testimonial: each is powerful on its own, but the combination of the two makes this book extremely satisfying. As much as I learned a lot from the science, I also just enjoyed hearing all the varied stories from the voices that Davidson includes. This is a book I would recommend to anyone starting their journey into adulthood, anyone considering having kids—or not having them—and especially couples pondering if they want to become parents together. This is a book that will spark conversations, pose hard questions, offer advice on finding the answers to those questions, and help you become more prepared to navigate a world that insists it knows what you should want.

Originally posted on Kara.Reviews, where you can easily browse all my reviews and subscribe to my newsletter.

[Aislin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really interesting book that talks about all the different elements and considerations that go into the decision whether or not to have kids. I was drawn to it because it promised to be really LGBTQ+ inclusive and nonjudgmental about either decision, and that was absolutely true. There were chapters on many different topics and at no point did I feel like the author was trying to lead the reader towards any one decision. There were also a lot of anecdotes from people in a wide variety of situations that enriched the book. Some examples of topics addressed in this book include: culture and societal pressure/expectations about the timeline of having kids, infertility treatments, adoption and foster care, fear of childbirth, physical and mental changes to expect during pregnancy, birth control methods, childfree living, and so on. Of course, I found myself more interested in the chapters that directly pertained to my own decision, but the other chapters were still really interesting and gave me a greater sense of empathy for people who make a different one. I didn't really know what to expect when picking this up, but I was very pleasantly surprised.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC!

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, Sounds True, for the advance review copy. 🏳️‍🌈Pride Month Recommendation 🏳️‍🌈

Even though we tend to ignore people who feel they have the right to ask any question they want and expect an easy answer regarding relationships, kids and marriage, I do feel we can't ignore them too, especially when they are relatives, colleagues, family and friends.

Well, I say as much as they want the answers it us ultimately the ones who are going to be the parents/guardians irrespective of their gender who are going to decide when they want kids or do not want kids, and how to have them when they do.

This book is such a basic guide to help such parents take a firm decision and how to go ahead no matter which answer they choose. Basic four parts on each of these important subtopics (Do you want kids?, Should You Have Kids?, How to Have Kids, You Don't Want Kids).

Many, I say, many need to be more aware about gender and sexuality. It's time to be no longer ignorant on this topic. Live and let live.

[Mitchell Clifford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley, Sounds True, and Jordan Davidson for this ARC. I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

The quick review for this book I can not wait for this book to become a sisterhood of the travelling pants of my library collection when it comes out because I truly believe everyone could benefit from reading it with tens across the board.

I love how much I learned from this book with over 100 personal anecdotes from a wide range of identities and other articles of research this text covers more topics than I can count under the umbrella of do you want kids, should you want kids, how to have kids, and what if you do not want them.

I loved how rich the storytelling in this was and how the author truly painted a holistic painting of family planning. Instead of relying on broad strokes to relate to the largest possible audience. I fell in love with how many small, yet specific strokes were made to relate to a broad audience but through the very small differences that make us all human, whether it be socio-economic status, gender, race, ability, and so, so, so much more.

I love when you can tell an author puts so much love and care into their work and you can tell how many times this must have been drafted to create the masterpiece I read over the course of the last month.

This book is going on my list of books everyone should read at least once to get a larger idea of family planning and if this author ever published again I will immediately read more!

[Gie · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5/5

After reading the book, I am still unsure if I want to have kids.

I like that this book included interviews with different people about their views on having kids or not. I also like that the book is very inclusive in terms of the demographics but it's not quite helpful for me.

The data, budgets, insurance, and other tangible information are more tailored for people in the US. Since I am not living in the US, some of the data provided are pretty irrelevant to me.

This book mentioned both African-American and Caucasian parents and how their differences in life, environment, and race affected them in parenthood but didn't mention Asians. While I love that I have learned how these two races have different experiences in parenthood, I have failed to learn how it affects me personally since my race is not mentioned in the book.

Overall it has interesting points and I like that I learned something new about human biology but it failed to be "The Definitive Guide for Those Who Aren’t Sure If, When, or How They Want to Become Parents."

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such an incredible read. Very informative with lots of research and statistics for an information fiend like me. It also had lots interviews from many kinds of people in different stages of life and their very unique experiences. I really loved that it was so inclusive and had every perspective from heterosexual, cisgender, queer, non-binary, single, asexual parenthood. The book explored parenting in its many different forms and it was very non-biased and very validating for me. Lots of information to reflect on after this read. Highly recommend!! At least read through the table of contents if you can't decide if this book is for you!

(My only non-raving comment is that this book is largely US stats based, it would be helpful if it was more global or included more Canadian stats).

[Elyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a well-researched, diverse look at reproduction, childrearing, and the choice to have children. I still felt like it leaned more towards having kids than being childfree, but that might be my personal beliefs.

[Laura Heigle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great resource covering multiple aspects of considering parenthood!

[Ben Buckingham · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Deciding whether or not to have children is the first, and perhaps final,
parenting decision of your life. We can’t predict the future for ourselves or
for our children. All we can do is try our best."

I'll preface this review by saying that I do already have kids. However, I think this book fills a really vital gap in parenting literature before what to expect when you're expecting. Becoming a parent is a huge, life altering decision that deserves reflection, time and focus.

It's also okay not to know if you want kids. There's so much societal pressure to either have kids or make up your mind. Davidson does an excellent job presenting arguments and counterarguments and examining a wide range of considerations regarding having kids. I'm less science minded, so I glazed over a bit during the in depth scientific descriptions of fertility treatments, but I think this book is such a vital resource for anyone considering having kids.

I would highly recommend it.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a treasure this book is! With the subtitle “The Definitive Guide for Those Who Aren’t Sure If, When, or How They Want to Become Parents,” it provides answers to every question a person could have about the making of babies, and it’s the only book I have read on the subject that includes LGBTQ readers every step of the way. Davidson offers the reasons why people decide to have children or not, details on how sperm meets egg and what happens then, the straight facts on fertility treatments and odds of success, the inside story on surrogacy and adoption, and so much more. All this, and it is not boring. She intersperses personal stories throughout. Honestly, even though I’m way past the age where the title question would be relevant, I found it fascinating. Here is everything you did not get in The Talk with your parents or in sex education classes.

[Morgan Rohbock · Rating 5 out of 5]

5⭐

So I think I already have a nonfiction favorite for 2023! This book was everything I wanted and more on this topic. I really think everyone in their 20s and 30s should read it regardless of their family choices because this book will truly broadened my perspective on all the family choices people make in a wholistic and intersectional way. And I'm now fully convinced queer families are probably better at family planning and family management than anyone else!

This book was so well researched and I appreciated the interviews that include such a variety of perspectives. I'm still thinking about how wild it is that to have a 90% chance of having 2 kids, you have start trying to have kids at age 27. I highlighted so much and I will be thinking about this book for a long time. This book will give you tools to be a better human discussing different people's choices on their families & also may influence your own views, which is reason enough to pick this up!

[Allison Butterbaugh · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an extremely comprehensive collection of information about parenthood, childbirth, alternative ways to parenthood, etc. The format was helpful because I was able to skip around chapters if I wasn’t interested in the specific topic. I appreciated the inclusion of various groups of people throughout the book, rather than an addendum for, say, LGBTQ+ persons for example. The author knows the importance of including all people in the conversation of parenthood rather than addressing different types of people separately, which I appreciate. All in all, this was so much information that I’m not immediately sure if it made my personal current situation easier or harder, haha.

[Taylor Cantwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this in one go and found it to be extremely well researched and insightful. Of course not everything within it applied to me but it was all interesting to learn about. The topics on infertility, endometriosis, and list of questions to go through with your partner regarding what parenting might look like were extremely insightful. As someone who is currently a fence sitter after pregnancy loss this book was a productive read.

“And if you miscarry, it’s the billowing highs of pregnancy brought crashing down by loss.” This quote really stuck with me. Until reading this I had never seen how I felt articulated so perfectly.

[Leah DeFlitch · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5 solid, what an easy read!!

I think it was almost exactly what I was expecting: a well thought out, inclusive, all-encompassing book about having children. It made me want SO much more (I feel like it could have been double the size), which actually resulted in most of the last star being left out. Maybe that’s unfair, but I really think the exploration of multiple kids, the role of your partner-partner relationships, and kid raising past the infant stage would have been so lovely to include.

That being said, I think the book really accomplished what it set out to do, and I loved the organization of the chapters into “do you want them?” “how to have them” “what if you want to be childless?” I also found it extremely accessible- even the most nitty gritty section of IVF and alternative fertilization methods was pretty fun to read. The best part about the book was that it was very clear that this wasn’t meant to be a “how to” manual, and it instead read like a very kind, well intentioned podcast or friend might, basically calming fears and allowing you to open your mind to the concept that //any choice is the right choice//. I absolutely loved the openness of the author towards describing how it was okay and normal for someone’s decision to change over time, with a new partner, or in a new financial or social situation.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

My agent repped this one so I had a keen interest in reading it. It's meticulously researched and approachably written, with tons of anecdotes from parents & non-parents as well as statistics and sources out the wazoo. This should be considered the definitive guide to deciding whether to become a parent. I was kind of hoping it would give me a solid answer one way or the other (lol) but that's not realistic.

[Geena Russo · Rating 4 out of 5]

A thoroughly researched book that also does well of being inclusive of all people who come to the decision of whether or not to have kids. I still don’t know if I have an answer to the question the title poses but I feel more informed to make a decision. I also feel better about being childfree and potentially remaining so.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read The Most Important Job In The World towards the end of last year, which was all about the philosophical decisions to choose to have or not have kids. I feel like this book was a great complement to that, because while there are some elements of that in the early chapters, this was mostly practical advice covering topics like the financial realities of having children, fertility treatments, making the decision (or coping with the realities due to infertility) of not having children, etc. I wouldn't say it's a "definitive guide" in that I didn't feel like I've come to a firm decision after reading it, but it was definitely a lot of great info that could certainly contribute to a more informed decision either way. Also appreciated that this book was very queer and trans friendly in its message and languaging as well!

[Marisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was pleasantly surprised by this book and think everyone ought to read this. Whether you want kids or not, or just have friends/family with kids, it’s incredibly informative on costs, processes, and things to think about related to kids/pregnancy/adoption/etc. I’ve never read a book that featured as many diverse perspectives as this one, and it really opened my mind up to all the ways people conceive and also struggle with pregnancy.

[Kathryn Huff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful

Plenty of interesting information, compelling data, and vignettes. That said, I still haven't decided. I would have liked more content on adoption from the parental perspective.

[Molly Schwarz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a thoughtful book! Buying for my fiancé to read next so we can have an informed discussion.

[Seri · Rating 3 out of 5]

*3.4

[Fangxing Liu · Rating 4 out of 5]

The biggest takeaway for me is that considering having kids is rarely black and white. It’s more like a hundred shades of grey that may change throughout one’s life. The book has many sections of various fertility treatments, none of which is useful to me since my decision about not having kids is the most straightforward one. I did find it comforting that none of the pros and cons of having vs not having kids are surprising to me. I’ve contemplated them and examined them. Now I can firmly say that my decision is a well informed one rather than an impulsive, naive and selfish one.

What I appreciate the most about this book is that the case studies cover a wide spectrum of gender, races sexuality and disability. I think everyone could see themselves represented this book.

[Shannon Kennedy · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book was so great and well written. the chapters were organized well i’ve never read a book of this genre more inclusive of age gender race etc. the author didn’t just focus on a stereotypical white male and female couple but rather including examples with all types of people which i think was great. i strongly believe anyone even thinking in any way about children should read this book. it gave research points from both sides of having children or not having children. the last few chapters were the most eye opening for me and there were some questions at the end of the book that would be beneficial to come back to in the future.

[Wei-Wei · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did get closer to a decision, mainly based on the descriptions on perceived contentment in addition to the personal testimonials. My reading journey definitely stalled during the fertility section as there were many test name and target ranges I didn’t memorize. Overall, I’d recommend it if you are trying to gather more information on having kids or not! My decision is that I would be content without them but I do not not want them. I am fearful of the changes it brings and how it may exacerbate existing mental health issues but I am only the me I am now and we shall see what the future self thinks.

[Taylor D · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a kid I thought that we were essentially put in this earth to procreate- you grow up, you go to school, you find love, and you have kids and it’s just a continuing cycle that goes on for decades. As a single white female, now in my mid-20s, I find myself rather traditionally successful good job, I support myself financially, I live on my own etc. but at the end of the day I remember that my biological clock is ticking and that 10 year old me would be disappointed that at almost 25 I have not 1. Found a person to love & have a child with or even 2. See any nearby future of me being a mother. I’d love to be a mother one day and I hope that I am but that day is not tomorrow, or even the day after that.

I say all of this because it is something that has been stressing me out & when I came across this book (Although I am NOT a nonfiction reader, all the books on my bookshelf are corny romance novels) I thought I should give it a try and I was NOT disappointed. For the first time in a while I felt comforted in the fact that times are changing & I am not alone in feeling the way I do, through personal antidotes, extensive research and stories from across genders/sexualities/cultures etc. Ms. Davidson does an astounding job of making the reader feel welcomed to explore their own thought process. I have learned that having children is not a one-size fits all box, it is boxes of many shapes and sizes. The book is broken up into four parts: “Do you want kids?”, “Should you have kids?”, “How to have kids” and “You don’t want kids”. As someone who read the book cover to cover, I think the book as a whole is important but the format makes it easy to skip to a section that you believe might pertain more to you. I even, dare I say it, busted out the highlighter for a few important lessons I learned that I would like to go back to (which is big for me because I am VERY anti-highlighting or doggy earing pages in books.)

I have recommended this book extensively to everyone I know and I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. Thank you Ms. Jordan Davidson for writing a unique novel that opens this, what could be uncomfortable conversation, in an inclusive way. I may be a non fiction fan after all!

[Han · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded up

If you want to understand how you feel, it’s worth looking outward, at all the ways society and our upbringing shape our understanding of parenthood, and then inward, at what you want from your life, and whether the benefits and stresses of parenthood align with those goals” -9

…kids are not without a sacrifice, a loss of personal freedom that becomes more apparent the longer you delay having them. -46

Society expects parents, especially mothers, to give children their all. And that pressure to be both perfect and fully self-sacrificing can make parenthood seem a lot less enticing. I’d you can’t do it perfectly, why do it at all? -52

The pressure to be perfect leads to seemingly inescapable guilt and shame, making motherhood all the more a thankless job. Mothers are often disproportionately blamed for their kids’ actions, behaviors, and well-being even as their kids become adults. This “mother blame” only serves to deepen feelings of inadequacy and guilt. Whether you work part-time or full-time, or you stay at home, the perfectionist model is unwinnable. Fathers also feel pressure to meet society’s high expectations of parents. Stress for fathers typically results from financial strain. Dads feel pressured to be breadwinners and feel less confident in their parenting abilities than moms. A Pew survey found that only 39 percent of dads felt they were doing a “very good job” raising their kids compared to 51 percent of mothers. While dads might be less confident in their abilities compared to moms, they’re just as likely to say parenting is important to their identity and nearly just as likely to say they find parenting rewarding and enjoyable. -54-55

Parenthood creates a new identity. That doesn’t mean the person you were before children goes away; it just becomes secondary to your child’s needs. You can still have friends, hobbies, and vacations- they’re just going to look different. -56

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love reading books that are unlike anything I've read before - and So When Are You Having Kids is definitely different, in a good way! Thank you NetGalley for the ARC!

While the content was sometimes overwhelming (not because of the book itself, but because personal reflection and family planning are generally a lot to think about), I really appreciate the topics covered. As a queer woman, I felt both seen and informed while reading this book. There was a lot that I liked (see below) and I would definitely recommend this book to folks in my life, regardless of identity. I do think there are some opportunities for improvement, but since the book hasn't been published yet and I'm not sure what will make it into the final copy, I will only share the positives for now:

What I liked about So When Are You Having Kids:

-Consistent queer, trans, and nonbinary rep
-Intersectionality of content/stories shared: race, class, gender, orientation (including ace/poly folks, which is rare), disability, religion
-The spotlight on the USA's history of eugenics and sterilization laws
-Naming the taboo - including that some folks regret having kids
-Inclusive language (i.e. birthing person, chestfeeding)
-The child-first lens to adopting/fostering, centering the story of those with that lived childhood experience
-The spotlight on how folks who do not want to be pregnant/be a parent are often dismissed
-Endometriosis rep
-Attachment style breakdown
-Normalizing experiencing and recovering from grief (in a variety of family planning situations)
-The oh so relatable, yet complex title

[Ivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book on the decision making whether to have kids or not. The book is inclusive in a sense that it takes into consideration not only heterosexual couples, but also couples where one or both partners belong to gender minorities. The author also brings to light the fact that having kids is about having biological kids, as much as becoming a parent through adoption, foster care, artificial insemination, donating, surrogate mothers, etc. The only thing I had difficulties relating too was that the book is specific to the US in regards of laws and costs. Yet, the bottom line is that if you can afford having a kid in the US, you most likely are able doing so anywhere else. The book also reflects on the fact that having children needs to be considered from more perspectives, the financial criteria being just one of them. For example: time, energy, sleep, freedom, etc.
After all, the decision whether to become a parent is a personal choice with lots of variables, and lots of them are fully unpredictable. The book has helped me to have a broader look on the topic, and understand that having kids is as much "selfish" as not having them. My conclusion is that that the decision of becoming a parent is specific to my own life situation, and circumstances. The rational aspects involved should surely be evaluated, yet, there is a large part of the process which is irrational and hard to put in numbers.

[Morgan Fisher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was incredible. I stumbled across it on an Audible newsletter and snatched I up immediately. I bought both the audiobook and borrowed the ebook from the library and read concurrently. I loved the messaging and felt that this book created a safe space for my uncertainties that I haven’t been able to voice.

I may have walked away from this read more confused than ever, but at least I have more information available to me and a better idea of next steps depending on decisions I may make on the subject. I am so grateful to the author for compiling such a great piece that accounts for all possibilities while not pushing an agenda to sway the reader one way or another.

As a cisgender, straight, married, white woman, I shouldn’t even mention representation since I’m not the person who needs more of it in the subject. However, I feel the author did a great job representing all individuals who come to the parenting, childbearing/rearing, and pregnancy table and maintained neutral language throughout. I felt seen, and I hope everyone feels seen in this book.

Regarding the audiobook, the author/narrator had a great voice and did a brilliant job narrating. The standard narration speed though was quite slow for me, especially when paired with my reading along. I did ramp it up quite a bit.