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How to Be a Jewish Mother: A Very Lovely Training Manual
Book by Greenburg, Dan
104 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1964
2 people are currently reading
177 people want to read
About the author
Dan Greenburg
163 books74 followersDAN GREENBURG BIO
BOOKS:
Dan's 73 books have been published in 24 countries.
His adult best-sellers include EXES, LOVE KILLS, HOW TO BE A JEWISH MOTHER, HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF MISERABLE, and HOW TO AVOID LOVE AND MARRIAGE. How to be a Jewish Mother sold several million copies. It and How to Make Yourself Miserable were in print for 30 years and were on Publishers Weekly’s list of all-time bestsellers.
Amazon will publish Dan’s third psychological thriller, FEAR ITSELF, in January 2014. They’ll also republish his first two thrillers, EXES and LOVE KILLS.
He’s written four series of children's books: THE ZACK FILES, SECRETS OF DRIPPING FANG, WEIRD PLANET, and MAXIMUM BOY. The Zack Files sold more than 2 million copies, was translated into 20 languages, and generated an Emmy-winning 52-episode TV series that ran on Showtime and Fox Family.
ADVENTURES:
Dan has written extensively about his adventures:
Riding with NYPD homicide detectives for two years to research thrillers FEAR ITSELF, EXES, and LOVE KILLS.
Interviewing murderers alone in their maximum security prison cells for FEAR ITSELF.
Attending autopsies in the NYC morgue for EXES.
Learning how to discipline tigers and lions on a Texas tiger ranch.
Swimming with 80,000 lb. humpback whales in the deep ocean.
Flying upside down with a stunt pilot in an open-cockpit biplane.
Participating in dangerous voodoo rites in Haiti.
Riding with NYC firemen for four months and following them into burning buildings.
Searching for the Loch Ness Monster.
Assisting exorcists in a Connecticut house attacked by poltergeists.
Acting a major character role in a Western movie filmed in Spain.
Doing stand-up comedy at the New York Improv, and on TV talk shows.
Getting screamed at by Orson Welles on the set of Catch-22 in Mexico.
MAGAZINES:
Dan’s articles have appeared in The New Yorker, Esquire, New York Magazine, The New York Times Book Review, The New York Times Magazine, Vanity Fair, The Huffington Post, Time, Life, Newsweek, Ms., Playboy, and have been reprinted in 44 humor anthologies in the U.S. and England.
MOVIES AND TV:
Dan has had six of his feature films produced, two of which are on Variety’s list of top grossing films.
THEATER:
Along with Jules Feiffer, John Lennon and Samuel Beckett, Dan was a contributor to Oh! Calcutta!, which ran on Broadway for 21 years. He was also a contributor to Free to be You and Me, which ran off and on Broadway for years.
MISC.:
Dan has appeared on The Today Show, The Tonight Show, Larry King Live, and Late Night with David Letterman. He grew up in Chicago, got his BFA from the University of Illinois, and his MFA from UCLA. He lives in Westchester, NY and British Columbia with his author wife Judith Greenburg and many cats.
dan@dangreenburg.com
BOOKS:
Dan's 73 books have been published in 24 countries.
His adult best-sellers include EXES, LOVE KILLS, HOW TO BE A JEWISH MOTHER, HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF MISERABLE, and HOW TO AVOID LOVE AND MARRIAGE. How to be a Jewish Mother sold several million copies. It and How to Make Yourself Miserable were in print for 30 years and were on Publishers Weekly’s list of all-time bestsellers.
Amazon will publish Dan’s third psychological thriller, FEAR ITSELF, in January 2014. They’ll also republish his first two thrillers, EXES and LOVE KILLS.
He’s written four series of children's books: THE ZACK FILES, SECRETS OF DRIPPING FANG, WEIRD PLANET, and MAXIMUM BOY. The Zack Files sold more than 2 million copies, was translated into 20 languages, and generated an Emmy-winning 52-episode TV series that ran on Showtime and Fox Family.
ADVENTURES:
Dan has written extensively about his adventures:
Riding with NYPD homicide detectives for two years to research thrillers FEAR ITSELF, EXES, and LOVE KILLS.
Interviewing murderers alone in their maximum security prison cells for FEAR ITSELF.
Attending autopsies in the NYC morgue for EXES.
Learning how to discipline tigers and lions on a Texas tiger ranch.
Swimming with 80,000 lb. humpback whales in the deep ocean.
Flying upside down with a stunt pilot in an open-cockpit biplane.
Participating in dangerous voodoo rites in Haiti.
Riding with NYC firemen for four months and following them into burning buildings.
Searching for the Loch Ness Monster.
Assisting exorcists in a Connecticut house attacked by poltergeists.
Acting a major character role in a Western movie filmed in Spain.
Doing stand-up comedy at the New York Improv, and on TV talk shows.
Getting screamed at by Orson Welles on the set of Catch-22 in Mexico.
MAGAZINES:
Dan’s articles have appeared in The New Yorker, Esquire, New York Magazine, The New York Times Book Review, The New York Times Magazine, Vanity Fair, The Huffington Post, Time, Life, Newsweek, Ms., Playboy, and have been reprinted in 44 humor anthologies in the U.S. and England.
MOVIES AND TV:
Dan has had six of his feature films produced, two of which are on Variety’s list of top grossing films.
THEATER:
Along with Jules Feiffer, John Lennon and Samuel Beckett, Dan was a contributor to Oh! Calcutta!, which ran on Broadway for 21 years. He was also a contributor to Free to be You and Me, which ran off and on Broadway for years.
MISC.:
Dan has appeared on The Today Show, The Tonight Show, Larry King Live, and Late Night with David Letterman. He grew up in Chicago, got his BFA from the University of Illinois, and his MFA from UCLA. He lives in Westchester, NY and British Columbia with his author wife Judith Greenburg and many cats.
dan@dangreenburg.com
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
May 9, 2021
Underlying all techniques of Jewish Motherhood is the ability to plant, cultivate and harvest guilt. Control guilt and you control the child.
Fail to master these techniques and you hasten the black day you discover your children can get along without you.
Within the pages of Greenburg's handy primer you'll learn the proper procedures foradministering forcing second helpings on all dinner guests:
Within that microsecond, you must scoop all the rest of the potatoes out onto his plate and make the turn back to the kitchen. If you either scoop too soon or scoop too late, you risk a serious breach of sportsmanship. The scooping motion must come between your "--ready for seconds?" and his "God, no."
How to congratulate your son on the day he receives his law degree:
"We want you to know we are very proud of you today, Marvin. Very proud. The only thing is, I thought I should tell you Papa's very hurt that you don't want to go into the button business with him."
And, when it's okay to splurge on an extravagant purchase for one's self:
"Well, I finally broke down and did it. I bought something for myself."
"Good. What did you buy, Sylvia?"
"I hated to spend the money, believe me, but today I bought a small roll of Scotch tape to hold my stockings together."
There's also a handy glossary of important terms like:
gratitude:
What a Jewish Mother does not expect.
shameful waste:
Throwing out a teabag after using it only once.
wash down:
(As in "Take a little bread to wash down the spongecake.") To keep it company in your stomach.
You don't have to be Jewish OR a mother to use the guilt-instilling techniques outlined in this book. Last year my oldest son didn't even call me on Mother's Day. I suspect my husband gave him a severe talking-to, (probably using words like, "You know she's old. How much longer can she be around?") because this year I received flowers, a nice lunch out, and most importantly, a long visit from the boy.
Hope you all had a lovely day, as well.
Fail to master these techniques and you hasten the black day you discover your children can get along without you.
Within the pages of Greenburg's handy primer you'll learn the proper procedures for
Within that microsecond, you must scoop all the rest of the potatoes out onto his plate and make the turn back to the kitchen. If you either scoop too soon or scoop too late, you risk a serious breach of sportsmanship. The scooping motion must come between your "--ready for seconds?" and his "God, no."
How to congratulate your son on the day he receives his law degree:
"We want you to know we are very proud of you today, Marvin. Very proud. The only thing is, I thought I should tell you Papa's very hurt that you don't want to go into the button business with him."
And, when it's okay to splurge on an extravagant purchase for one's self:
"Well, I finally broke down and did it. I bought something for myself."
"Good. What did you buy, Sylvia?"
"I hated to spend the money, believe me, but today I bought a small roll of Scotch tape to hold my stockings together."
There's also a handy glossary of important terms like:
gratitude:
What a Jewish Mother does not expect.
shameful waste:
Throwing out a teabag after using it only once.
wash down:
(As in "Take a little bread to wash down the spongecake.") To keep it company in your stomach.
You don't have to be Jewish OR a mother to use the guilt-instilling techniques outlined in this book. Last year my oldest son didn't even call me on Mother's Day. I suspect my husband gave him a severe talking-to, (probably using words like, "You know she's old. How much longer can she be around?") because this year I received flowers, a nice lunch out, and most importantly, a long visit from the boy.
Hope you all had a lovely day, as well.
October 5, 2016
Give your son Marvin two sportshirts as a present. The first time he wears one of them, look at him sadly and say in your Basic Tone of Voice: “The other one you didn’t like?”
May 5, 2023
My original copy, which my (non-)Jewish mother and I both enjoyed, was lent to a friend who promptly skipped town with it--much good may it do him, the goniff! So I procured another copy for her as a birthday gift. She was delighted--and who wouldn't be, I ask you? She's told all the neighbours what a good boy I am. Ever since that day, she's offered me second and third helpings of good nourishing food, cooked for no less than five hours and complete with bread to help wash it down. Now, she's letting out my pants (it's a lot of work but she doesn't mind) and I'm starting to look like Old Man Finkelstein.
May 19, 2014
I grew up thinking my mother was orthodox. As it turned out, she had merely memorized Dan Greenburg's very lovely training manual. He spent a lot of time writing this little book. I only hope he doesn't feel badly about how small it turned out. It would have been larger, but that awful Gerry Gersten was in charge of illustrations. He's been jealous of Dan since they first met. What can you do? I just hope they both learned something from having to work together.
Oh, wouldn't you know I paid too much for my book. And from a second-hand shop, no less! I won't go back there again, I tell you.
Oh, wouldn't you know I paid too much for my book. And from a second-hand shop, no less! I won't go back there again, I tell you.
January 26, 2020
Everything you ever need to know! PS. You don't have to be Jewish or a Mother to enjoy this.
August 9, 2021
** 3.5 stars **
I was amused, especially by the chapter on overfeeding your guests and the distinction drawn between a 'nice boy,' a 'good boy,' and a 'fine boy,' but as this was written in 1964, some of the humor--especially the chapter on dating and marriage--is unsurprisingly dated, and I found myself wincing a couple of times.
I was amused, especially by the chapter on overfeeding your guests and the distinction drawn between a 'nice boy,' a 'good boy,' and a 'fine boy,' but as this was written in 1964, some of the humor--especially the chapter on dating and marriage--is unsurprisingly dated, and I found myself wincing a couple of times.
July 20, 2025
Funny! Clearly written with a 1950s mindset. Still some parts were hard to read in this day and age but entertaining quick read.
December 27, 2007
Pretty damn funny. Easy read. I was reading highlights aloud to my wife (the owner of the book, who has recently become a Jewish mother).
October 5, 2017
Now I understand, one needn't be Jewish or a mother in order to be a Jewish Mother. My dad is a Jewish Mother. Thanks, Dan, for clarifying this misunderstood facet of human behavior.
November 16, 2020
Anybody who has seen “Coffee Talk with Linda Richman” will be verklempt at the many comedic tropes outlined in this short work. It’s important to note upfront, the author states “one needs to be neither Jewish nor a mother” to pull this off.
Politically incorrect and a bit dated, it’s nonetheless hilarious, not to mention courageously earnest in its approach. I have a feeling the people who find it the most funny will already know most of the material. It could have been funnier had it been scoped as a longer work and gone deeper into the psychology of the subject matter, rather than just describing the behavior, but it makes for a breezy and funny read.
Politically incorrect and a bit dated, it’s nonetheless hilarious, not to mention courageously earnest in its approach. I have a feeling the people who find it the most funny will already know most of the material. It could have been funnier had it been scoped as a longer work and gone deeper into the psychology of the subject matter, rather than just describing the behavior, but it makes for a breezy and funny read.
April 11, 2018
My 100% Irish Catholic mother-in-law always said that she was really a Jewish mother. Yesterday I found this book in her house and read it. Published in 1964, this book is more than a little dated. It includes making guilt work: “Go ahead and enjoy yourself . . . I don’t mind staying home alone.” My mother -in-law did not seem like a Jewish mother as described in Greenburg’s book—she was far too direct—but I’m thinking my mother might have been one!
May 20, 2017
A little dated and especially a little conservative on gender norms. Wasn't a fan of the one homophobic line, but to be expected of 1964. The timeline for leaving for a social engagement at 8:00 was amazing!
March 31, 2020
How to live the house for a social engagement that begins at 8:00 p.m.
7:55 Wait until the whole family is dressed and ready to go before you begin to get ready.
8:05 Tell everybody that the reason you aren't ready is that you had to supervise their getting ready.
7:55 Wait until the whole family is dressed and ready to go before you begin to get ready.
8:05 Tell everybody that the reason you aren't ready is that you had to supervise their getting ready.
February 23, 2018
Not nearly as good or funny as some of the others. It is what it is.
March 25, 2018
Easy read, done in about an hour. Personally chuckled and laughed my way through it. Completely worth the time.
Want to read
December 9, 2018Pg 203, part 4, ch 8, "Of Woman Born"
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 20, 2019
A funny read. And a quick read. Some old humor that, I guess at one time we thought funny.
October 10, 2021
An half an hour read of good humor...
January 7, 2024
Sweet, quick, and funny read.
April 2, 2024
Very informative.
September 3, 2009
Bill brought this book home for the library for me to read, insisting it would help me understand my mother-in-law better.
It was a funny book. It is out of print and some of the references to political and current events are very dated (Nixon is president). Rated G.
It was a funny book. It is out of print and some of the references to political and current events are very dated (Nixon is president). Rated G.
April 15, 2007
Heeeee-larious!
September 15, 2010
One of the funniest books ever written.
September 8, 2012
This is as funny as I thought it was when I read it in the 1960s.
February 6, 2013
Hysterically funny! Just read it!
August 1, 2016
my mom and I are taking turns reading this out loud to each other. it gets funny.
January 10, 2009
It was having me laugh out loud many times. Loved it!
August 10, 2010
Cute, funny, a little outdated, but still funny.
January 23, 2016
Juokinga iki ašarų. Manau, mano mama irgi nemaža dalimi žydė :D
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews