Existence itself is almost too much to bear. It's more than one life can hold, which is why it's so often fumbled, landing silently in the snow, sticking there, being buried there. I swear I've had the same feelings as Edna, of looking up at the impossibility of the wide blue sky, or the impossibility of the inevitable grave, or the impossibility of love. The sensations we feel, especially the longings, they threaten to rip us apart. But the tearing is a good thing, it opens us up to be better receptacles of experience, roomier vessels. Poetry seems to be the only medium able to properly distill these feelings into words. The closest prose gets to it is probably the gargantuan Russian novels, but they cover another angle, one reliant entirely on the enormity, on the overwhelming "everything." Though made up of innumerable moments, such large works crowd out the individual moments and smaller feelings in service to an overall effect, to overall arcs and other big arching things.
But Edna St. Vincent Millay, whose very name is a poem in itself, she wrote with such a full soul at the age of only 19 or 20. I love it. Her writing is simultaneously relatable yet almost intimidating; she's felt with such intensity, yet she delicately imbues her language with only the golden halo of her own experiences, her own dreams. Like the Russian masters, it takes her some time for her to get up to speed, to get across her effect, but when she does, I shiver. Sadly, her shorter poems are mostly forgettable, but the longer ones never drag. They rip me open in the best way:
So here upon my back I'll lie
And look my fill into the sky.
And so I looked, and, after all,
The sky was not so very tall.
The sky, I said, must somewhere stop,
And—sure enough!—I see the top!
The sky, I thought, is not so grand;
I 'most could touch it with my hand!
And reaching up my hand to try,
I screamed to feel it touch the sky.
I screamed, and—lo!—Infinity
Came down and settled over me
The only direction to go after reaching up is falling down, and the earth swallows her entire. She somewhat longs for this, is comforted by this, embraces the earth back, this Sheol. This poem's profundity comes from the temporal mismatch of its composition: the writing, and thus the reading can only occur with the aid of the living, but the thing it describes is such a final, impossible, inevitable thing. The words are entombed as a sort of testament to her at that age, in that frame of mind, in that state of her soul. Now she knows more than any of us living, reading know. It's both humbling and sobering.
I would I were alive again
To kiss the fingers of the rain,
To drink into my eyes the shine
Of every slanting silver line,
To catch the freshened, fragrant breeze
From drenched and dripping apple-trees.
For soon the shower will be done,
We take so much for granted, and that's perhaps the greatest achievement of observational poetry: the ability to remind us of all that which we see without seeing. We're usually too busy with work or "life" to experience the details right in front of us. Even more than the details, we take all of life for granted, the very act of living itself. She writes of a resurrection, literal or metaphorical it matters not, which strikes you to the core when you read it.
I felt the rain's cool finger-tips
Brushed tenderly across my lips,
Laid gently on my sealed sight,
And all at once the heavy night
Fell from my eyes and I could see,—
...
I know not how such things can be!—
I breathed my soul back into me.
"I breathed my soul back into me" is such a perfect line of iambic tetrameter, and I'll probably remember it until the day I die, ironic as that is. The poem as a whole takes on the shape and hue of a rainbow, the natural result of the rains she describes. The feeling it gives is like an old Disney movie, the ones which had such dark, terrible climaxes, where the dragon looked like it must eat up the knight, but miraculously, at the last possible second, the knight plunges his sword into the heaving purple-scaled chest.
Though she's known for "Renascence" (for good reason), to me the superior poem is "Interim." This one describes the loss of a love, and once again whether the death is literal or metaphorical is of no importance. Either way it works, and works tremendously. From the very first line ("The room is full of you!—") we feel the vacuum pull of an absence, of loss, a disorienting, swirling thing "intangible, /
Yet stiff with meaning." Two moments from it completely wrecked me:
And brought it in to show me! I recall
With terrible distinctness how the smell
Of your cool gardens drifted in with you.
I know, you held it up for me to see
And flushed because I looked not at the flower,
But at your face; and when behind my look
You saw such unmistakable intent
You laughed and brushed your flower against my lips.
(You were the fairest thing God ever made,
I think.) And then your hands above my heart
Drew down its stem into a fastening,
And while your head was bent I kissed your hair.
I wonder if you knew.
...
Save that it was the first. I did not know,
Then, that it was the last. If I had known—
But then, it does not matter. Strange how few,
After all's said and done, the things that are
Of moment.
Few indeed! When I can make
Of ten small words a rope to hang the world!
"I had you and I have you now no more."
There, there it dangles,—where's the little truth
That can for long keep footing under that
When its slack syllables tighten to a thought?
Here, let me write it down! I wish to see
Just how a thing like that will look on paper!
"*I had you and I have you now no more*."
O little words, how can you run so straight
Across the page, beneath the weight you bear?
How can you fall apart, whom such a theme
Has bound together, and hereafter aid
In trivial expression, that have been
So hideously dignified?—Would God
That tearing you apart would tear the thread
I strung you on! Would God—O God, my mind
Stretches asunder on this merciless rack
Of imagery! O, let me sleep a while!
Ruins are difficult to sit within, but they're the things upon which we build our lives. There are a few defining moments in the shadow of which every other moment lives, these parasitic cells we find ourselves in. One way to process this aftermath is to write about it, but even that must needs fail, must falter at the exact most important moment. We can only get off glancing shots, we can never kill the past; instead it kills us, eats us alive, consumes all. There's only one antidote:
Not Truth, but Faith, it is
That keeps the world alive. If all at once
Faith were to slacken,—that unconscious faith
Which must, I know, yet be the corner-stone
Of all believing,—birds now flying fearless
Across would drop in terror to the earth;
Fishes would drown; and the all-governing reins
Would tangle in the frantic hands of God
And the worlds gallop headlong to destruction!
O God, I see it now, and my sick brain
Staggers and swoons! How often over me
Flashes this breathlessness of sudden sight
In which I see the universe unrolled
Before me like a scroll and read thereon
Chaos and Doom, where helpless planets whirl
Dizzily round and round and round and round,
Like tops across a table, gathering speed
With every spin, to waver on the edge
One instant—looking over—and the next
To shudder and lurch forward out of sight—
*****
Ah, I am worn out—I am wearied out—
It is too much—I am but flesh and blood,
And I must sleep. Though you were dead again,
I am but flesh and blood and I must sleep.
"All things are wearisome, more than one can say," Ecclesiastes 1:8. If we let ourselves spiral, if we lose the faith, we tire ourselves to death, to a tiredness desirous of death, to a weariness beyond all endurance. So strange the way words have with us, which can alter our reality, can in one moment make us lament lost loves and in the next smile over cherished memories. We have such a power in our fingers, in our tongues, and we must promise to hold the faith, otherwise this power can be used for evil. I think that that's much of what's at the root of modern art: a lack of faith, which turns inward and eats itself alive, still ravenous after consummation, never finding enough sustenance. Edna looked outward and saw the eternities, the transcendent, and fed on it to satiation. Modern art looks inward and runs out of material once the organs all are cooked and eaten and crapped out. Best to learn from them and stay closer to Edna than Ezra (Pound).
To wrap things up, I wanted to say how happy I am to be slowly discovering a whole coterie of young women poets from the turn of the century who I've fallen in love with: Adelaide Crapsey, Lorine Niedecker, and now Edna. In fond appreciation of her, I wrote a poem inspired by this small collection; I'll include it below:
I punch the meat of the palm of my hand in missing you
I read Edna St. Vincent Millay
(her name itself a poem)
and find myself falling in love all over again—
but with the poet, not with you;
her instead, the long-dead, no risk of heartbreak there
only a post-hoc love “so hideously dignified.”
I defy augury and other gravediggers
and pray for the rain to wash away
the grave of my beloved poet.
I’m sorry to admit that
I love her more than I love you
because she entombed our brief kiss
in sweeter words than I could twist
together: a paper flower stem, or two hands
sweaty, uncertain— but I’m just happy to be
sitting on this retaining wall with you
for as long as this moment dares last in our memory
and she in mine, she in mine.