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Twilite: A Parody
Love between a teenage girl and a vampire can be a beautiful thing. Then again, it can get a little ugly. Just ask Stella Crow. Stella is a clumsy but otherwise ordinary girl whose life takes a radical turn the moment she meets Edweird. Though perfect on the outside, Edweird Sullen is remarkably unrefined on the inside. He also happens to be a one hundred year old vampire, trapped in the body of a teenage boy, who has yet to finish high school. Nonetheless, Stella is unconditionally smitten with him. But not everything is rosy in this gloomiest of towns. Edweird's enemies have sworn to put a tragic end to their romance. Against all odds, the bond between Stella and Edweird is *nearly* strong enough for their love to survive. Most love stories between an impossibly handsome vampire and an ungainly young woman have a magical ending. This one -- not so much.
Publisher's May 27, 2009 -- There was a formatting problem with the previous version of the book on some Kindles. For those who purchased this title and had problems with the formatting, please download it again. The newer version works on all Kindle versions.
Publisher's May 27, 2009 -- There was a formatting problem with the previous version of the book on some Kindles. For those who purchased this title and had problems with the formatting, please download it again. The newer version works on all Kindle versions.
165 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 27, 2009
27 people are currently reading
2518 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
June 3, 2009
I'm a Twilight fan--a big Twilight fan (as of this date, I have read the four books of the series 8 times each)--but found this parody a hilarious read. A lot of laugh-out-loud moments.
August 9, 2009
Die hard fans of Twilight, you might want to cover your eyes should you ever pass this book. This parody is such—a parody “humorous or satirical mimicry”.
Haters of Twilight will laugh until their pants fall off. Stephen Jenner holds nothing back when “gently poking” fun this New York Times Bestseller. Hell it even pokes fun of the parody.
‘“So it’s true, isn’t it? The whole lot of you—vampires? …You crave me; you yearn for me, and you can barely contain yourself from killing me—that’s why you love me and hate me all at the same time…. No human can compete with you. That’s why girls and women of all ages swoon all over you. Hell, if someone wrote a book about you, well, it’d sell a million copies the day it was released. And if someone else was clever enough to write a parody—you know, to provide some comic relief during these extremely difficult economic times—that would probably be an even bigger seller, or at least it should be.”—Stella when she figures out that the Sullens are vampires
“I hope to see you soon, certainly no later than when book number two comes out, published by the fine people at Little, Brown and Company, and read to you on audio books by Ilyana Kadushin.”—Stella’s letter to Mom aka Gargantuan Sideshow Lady
And let’s not forgot the many, many, many luscious descriptions of how hot Edward it as Stephen Jenner liked to point out:
“His buns were forged from Bethlehem steel. A hunk of coal would be transformed into a perfect diamond should they find their way between those luscious cheeks. Oh, and he has perfect hair too. Really nice-like.”
“His blueberry eyes were gleaming down at me; his French vanilla teeth peeking behind those cherry red lips; his pectorals tenderly danced like ripe mangoes under his form-fitting shirt. I had this sudden urge for a fruit shake.”
More fun:
“Dang, you are one smart girl. And pretty, too. Scientifically speaking, I can safely say that you are pretty smart.”—Edweird, scene in biology examining cells
The down side to this book would be the fact that it gets stupid at the end. It started out hilarious in the beginning but then died a bit then just sucked. I think it may be the fact that I didn’t relish the book and instead plowed through it. If you by any chance read the book, stop every now and then to maintain the novelty of this book.
This book also needs a bit more editing. At one point the author calls Casper his actual name—Jasper. That’s a big no-no.
Overall: He knows where to hit it where it hurts.
Haters of Twilight will laugh until their pants fall off. Stephen Jenner holds nothing back when “gently poking” fun this New York Times Bestseller. Hell it even pokes fun of the parody.
‘“So it’s true, isn’t it? The whole lot of you—vampires? …You crave me; you yearn for me, and you can barely contain yourself from killing me—that’s why you love me and hate me all at the same time…. No human can compete with you. That’s why girls and women of all ages swoon all over you. Hell, if someone wrote a book about you, well, it’d sell a million copies the day it was released. And if someone else was clever enough to write a parody—you know, to provide some comic relief during these extremely difficult economic times—that would probably be an even bigger seller, or at least it should be.”—Stella when she figures out that the Sullens are vampires
“I hope to see you soon, certainly no later than when book number two comes out, published by the fine people at Little, Brown and Company, and read to you on audio books by Ilyana Kadushin.”—Stella’s letter to Mom aka Gargantuan Sideshow Lady
And let’s not forgot the many, many, many luscious descriptions of how hot Edward it as Stephen Jenner liked to point out:
“His buns were forged from Bethlehem steel. A hunk of coal would be transformed into a perfect diamond should they find their way between those luscious cheeks. Oh, and he has perfect hair too. Really nice-like.”
“His blueberry eyes were gleaming down at me; his French vanilla teeth peeking behind those cherry red lips; his pectorals tenderly danced like ripe mangoes under his form-fitting shirt. I had this sudden urge for a fruit shake.”
More fun:
“Dang, you are one smart girl. And pretty, too. Scientifically speaking, I can safely say that you are pretty smart.”—Edweird, scene in biology examining cells
The down side to this book would be the fact that it gets stupid at the end. It started out hilarious in the beginning but then died a bit then just sucked. I think it may be the fact that I didn’t relish the book and instead plowed through it. If you by any chance read the book, stop every now and then to maintain the novelty of this book.
This book also needs a bit more editing. At one point the author calls Casper his actual name—Jasper. That’s a big no-no.
Overall: He knows where to hit it where it hurts.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 27, 2010
If I could only have given it half a star, I would have. Not deserving of a full star in my opinion. In terms of parodies...this one was just stupid and out there. I thought with it being written by a single person, it would have had more continuity to it, but instead it fealt like it was written by several people, possibly having seizures at the time of writing it.
The language in it was inexcussable...especially considering this was a parody of a YA book that starts around the 11-13yr range. Then to top it off, the cliches, pop-cultural references, and endless movie/tv/song lyrics was just far too much. I felt more like I was reading someone's personal life-long parody desire that only made sense to them rather than an actually well-written parody that would have ... and certainly could have ... given SNL a run for their money.
Bottom line...don't bother reading this one...it's a waste of your time and money. If you read any parodies, give Nightlight a shot first.
The language in it was inexcussable...especially considering this was a parody of a YA book that starts around the 11-13yr range. Then to top it off, the cliches, pop-cultural references, and endless movie/tv/song lyrics was just far too much. I felt more like I was reading someone's personal life-long parody desire that only made sense to them rather than an actually well-written parody that would have ... and certainly could have ... given SNL a run for their money.
Bottom line...don't bother reading this one...it's a waste of your time and money. If you read any parodies, give Nightlight a shot first.
November 23, 2009
After reading the VERY funny excerpts from this books Twilite-parody.com webpage I decided to buy it. Nearly wet my pants (I know, not very lady-like). I'm a little older than your 'typical' Twilight fan (but still a fan) and am willing and able to laugh at this as well. A lot of fun to read :o)
November 29, 2009
Really funny! There are a ton of things that can be parodied in Twilight, and this book hits on a lot of them, and then some. Stella's and Edweird's hike in the woods really sealed the deal for me. Highly recommend.
July 15, 2010
For what it was - an entire book parody on Twilight - it was pretty funny. I don't think anyone who didn't actually enjoy Twilight would like this, because a lot of it would go right over your head. This author had obviously read all 4 books, and interjected a lot of small details from those in there.
It got a little tiresome to read, but it did have parts that made me laugh out loud. Mostly, those parts were the ridiculous writing. And the more I have read other books in the last few years, the more I realize how badly Twilight was written. It was still an entertaining story, but she can NOT write.
One little snippet of the way he tried to copy that writing was this:
"Every movement he made was graceful, like some kind of graceful animal that was moving gracefully."
There was also every time "Stella" interrupted the story for no reason to describe how perfect "Edweird" was.
And my personal favorite, the doctor who is introduced named Smithjonesme. When they question this ridiculous name, he says his mom's last name was Smith and his dad's was Jones and they couldn't decide between the two so they mashed it together. Oh, and then added "me" at the end to make it even more stupid-sounding. Hehehe.
All in all, a pretty funny book, but hard to read all in one sitting (like I did) without getting a little tired of the humor.
It got a little tiresome to read, but it did have parts that made me laugh out loud. Mostly, those parts were the ridiculous writing. And the more I have read other books in the last few years, the more I realize how badly Twilight was written. It was still an entertaining story, but she can NOT write.
One little snippet of the way he tried to copy that writing was this:
"Every movement he made was graceful, like some kind of graceful animal that was moving gracefully."
There was also every time "Stella" interrupted the story for no reason to describe how perfect "Edweird" was.
And my personal favorite, the doctor who is introduced named Smithjonesme. When they question this ridiculous name, he says his mom's last name was Smith and his dad's was Jones and they couldn't decide between the two so they mashed it together. Oh, and then added "me" at the end to make it even more stupid-sounding. Hehehe.
All in all, a pretty funny book, but hard to read all in one sitting (like I did) without getting a little tired of the humor.
September 17, 2009
this book was really really stupid, but i suppose if you want to parody a book that is already full of stupid, you really have to step it up. aside from the parts that were painfully dumb, it had me LOLing.
September 25, 2010
When I started reading Twilight, I totally loved it. I didn't like the hype so much, especially around the movie. I don't think it was that good. So when a friend of mine said I had to read this parody, I did. Well, sort of. I tried to. I failed. It was terrible. I tried to finish it, but I just couldn't. That means a lot since I've never, ever before quit reading a book while in the middle of it, even the worst books I finished. But not this one. It's just not funny. I would recommend anyone NOT to read this. Even if you DON'T like Twilight, it's still not funny. It's just not.
February 16, 2011
I have to say that I absolutely cracked up laughing reading this. I read it this morning while running errands with my husband. If you want a light, fun, funny read, read it. Even if you love Twilight, you'll get a kick out of it.
January 25, 2010
This book was so stupid it was funny!! There were a few good puns and it served its purpose, to make fun of Twilight, but was just really dumb.
August 28, 2024
Parodies aren't my thing at all, and this book certainly nailed in that coffin. It was just too bizarre and felt like it was taking the mickey out of Twilight, which essentially it was, but I was hoping to read a humours taste while also not being wacky and out there, but they took it to the extreme and not in a good way.
I honestly don't know how I managed to read every page of this, but it certainly came off as if I had just wasted my time in reading this. I'm unlikely to read another parody book again, any time soon.
I honestly don't know how I managed to read every page of this, but it certainly came off as if I had just wasted my time in reading this. I'm unlikely to read another parody book again, any time soon.
February 7, 2013
On Amazon, I read the sneak preview that was available and was crying from laughing so hard at the end. I'll admit it. I once was a die-hard Twilight fan. I meant to buy this parody, but I kept forgetting.
Finally, two years later, someone remembered that I wanted it and got it for me as a late birthday gift. I was very excited and quickly began to read it. After reading the 'hilarious' first chapter, I was kind of bummed. Hadn't this been so much funnier?
But I kept reading. There was a lot of satire which I enjoyed, but I felt that at points there was just too much. The author had Edwierd ask Stella to describe him to everyone, which I found funny. But the fact that she does describe him, for a page just like the real book, ruined it.
The book followed the original plot which I liked in the beginning but in the end it was bugging me. If I wanted to read Twilight again, I would actually read it because this was almost exactly the same only the writing was so much worse. There were so many mistakes that really bothered me. Random commas, calling Casper Jasper, random quotation marks, etc. It was like it never was even edited.
The ending I enjoyed and it was probably the only time I laughed out loud. There are parts where you smile or laugh on the inside but nothing that will make you cry from laughing so hard.
Finally, two years later, someone remembered that I wanted it and got it for me as a late birthday gift. I was very excited and quickly began to read it. After reading the 'hilarious' first chapter, I was kind of bummed. Hadn't this been so much funnier?
But I kept reading. There was a lot of satire which I enjoyed, but I felt that at points there was just too much. The author had Edwierd ask Stella to describe him to everyone, which I found funny. But the fact that she does describe him, for a page just like the real book, ruined it.
The book followed the original plot which I liked in the beginning but in the end it was bugging me. If I wanted to read Twilight again, I would actually read it because this was almost exactly the same only the writing was so much worse. There were so many mistakes that really bothered me. Random commas, calling Casper Jasper, random quotation marks, etc. It was like it never was even edited.
The ending I enjoyed and it was probably the only time I laughed out loud. There are parts where you smile or laugh on the inside but nothing that will make you cry from laughing so hard.
December 17, 2010
Note: This book may not be suitable for young children! (Although it IS funny!!)
OK, LISTEN UP. If you HAVE read Twilight and you,
(a) LOVED IT!!!!
You should read this book. It's a good one to hate.
(b) Liked it OK
You should read this book. You will love the original after you have finished. Trust me.
(c) HATED IT!!!!
READ THIS BOOK!!!! YOUR DREAM BOOK!!!! Seriously, this thing has some MAJOR parody in it! Carpile Sullen, hehe!
OK, LISTEN UP. If you HAVE read Twilight and you,
(a) LOVED IT!!!!
You should read this book. It's a good one to hate.
(b) Liked it OK
You should read this book. You will love the original after you have finished. Trust me.
(c) HATED IT!!!!
READ THIS BOOK!!!! YOUR DREAM BOOK!!!! Seriously, this thing has some MAJOR parody in it! Carpile Sullen, hehe!
June 15, 2013
I'm pretty sure a lot of the movie "Vampires Suck" was based on this book. Despite being a huge Twilight Saga fan, I surprisingly found this book hilarious. The reason this was good was because it took the piss out of the aspects of the first movie "Twilight" (which was released in 2008). It exaggerates all the parts of the story that were just ridiculously portrayed on-screen.
I have to admit though, probably only Twilight fans will get some of the jokes.
I have to admit though, probably only Twilight fans will get some of the jokes.
February 1, 2011
I will be honest: I skimmed a lot of this book. I feel like that is acceptable considering it is a spoof and we already know the plot. I also changed my rating like four times. It wasn't amazing and there were times when it would drag but I was reading it for a mindless laugh and I got that. I wouldn't spend money on it but it was funny.
Read
May 13, 2011I started to read this book 10 days ago--checked it out from my school's library--but then gave up on it, it basically started out funny, but then fell into staight up innapropriate, crude, sexual humor! It even made fun of Jacob!!!! Who they actually called Yakob.
(Stephen Jenner, you suck!)
(Stephen Jenner, you suck!)
June 26, 2012
I swear this was the dumbest parody I have ever read. I had come across this book thinking that it was going to be something funny like the movie, Vampires Suck, but this was beyond terrible. The things in this book were just so outrageous and awful that I didn't even finish it. I couldn't take one more page.
June 8, 2009
This book sucked. The guy does NOT know how to write a parody. Seriously, i think this guy had no editor at all. His idea of making things "funny" is making everyone idiots. blehh to you Mr. Jenner, just BLEH!~
August 16, 2013
Funny, but poorly written. I wished they spent a little more time and made fun of even more things and people and developed a better story. You had to have read Twilight in order to understand what was going on in this book.
Read
August 31, 2009its better reading it with someone, and reading it to them...then it was reading it alone....CHERIE!
June 26, 2009
From the little bits I've read its hilarious
May 10, 2010
I couldn't get through the first few chapters... although I had a couple chuckles, I guess I just wasn't in the mood.
September 27, 2009
This book is hilarious!! If you love the Twilight Series you will really enjoy this book.
Read
November 8, 2009 relly good book and I like it. it is one of my fav books.
December 8, 2009
A quick, fun read, that kept me smiling the whole way through. Really enjoyed it.
August 30, 2010
It was ok, it wasnt very funny in my opinion.
February 28, 2010
This was seriously bad. While I would love to read a good Twilight parody, this was NOT it!
March 8, 2010
Loved it! LMAO! A must read :)
March 12, 2010
Almost wet my pants! (sorry, not very lady-like :)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews