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The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette
Essential for understanding Victorian way of life, this is a very interesting book on the code of manners of Victorian behavior. This book is about life in the Victorian World when the British Empire never slept or the sun never set on it. America in the Victorian World was still a colony and indeed wanting to become its own in identity. The book plays an important role in explaining that the rules and manner system of America was very similar to the British at least in the old families of Boston and Philadelphia. This highly entertaining little book is great for those just starting to learn about the Victorian culture.
128 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1967
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365 people want to read
About the author
Thomas E. Hill
95 books5 followersThomas Edie Hill, (1832-1915)
See also:
Thomas E. Hill, ILFA member
Thomas E. Hill Jr., Kenan Professor in philosophy at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
See also:
Thomas E. Hill, ILFA member
Thomas E. Hill Jr., Kenan Professor in philosophy at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
January 23, 2008
highly useful. i learned how to turn down a marriage proposal from a man who smokes, what to do with my parasol when calling, and behavior to be avoided at a ball.
September 24, 2016
Little known fact about me: I adore etiquette books. Rules of a society broken down in bite-sized pieces, just waiting to be used for someone's historically accurate and violently graphic monsterotica? (Or, like, literary fiction, I guess.)
This is an amalgamation of Professor Hill's advice, written originally in the last quarter of the nineteenth century, aimed at the American and English public.
Drinking, dancing and profanity are a lot of fun - I think Professor Hill was missing out.
Most of what you'll find here is either common sense ("Never pick your teeth or clean your nails in company") or the prudish conservative values you expect from the era ("Never allow the conversation at the table to drift into anything but chitchat. The consideration of deep and abstruse principles will impair digestion.")
Some, though, are an interesting look at a culture that may not be so foreign as we think, despite their fussy dinner rules. In a case of Victorians: They're Just Like Us!, I present their version of craigslist's missed connections:
Infinitely preferable to cat-calling.
This is an amalgamation of Professor Hill's advice, written originally in the last quarter of the nineteenth century, aimed at the American and English public.
[Hill] literally defined the lifestyle of a generation, a lifestyle against which the rascals of the Roaring Twenties would ultimately rebel.
Drinking, dancing and profanity are a lot of fun - I think Professor Hill was missing out.
Most of what you'll find here is either common sense ("Never pick your teeth or clean your nails in company") or the prudish conservative values you expect from the era ("Never allow the conversation at the table to drift into anything but chitchat. The consideration of deep and abstruse principles will impair digestion.")
Some, though, are an interesting look at a culture that may not be so foreign as we think, despite their fussy dinner rules. In a case of Victorians: They're Just Like Us!, I present their version of craigslist's missed connections:
Infinitely preferable to cat-calling.
November 28, 2015
When we were touring the Breakers mansion in Newport, Rhode Island a couple of years ago, my daughter and I caught a glimpse of this little book at the gift shop. It looked like something that we'd get a kick out of, so I bought it. Well, I finally sat down and read it this week, and it's a delight. It's a reprint of actual material written by Professor Thomas E. Hill between 1873 and 1890. (I suppose he was the Miss Manners or Emily Post of that time period.) Some of the ideas of proper manners at the time seem absolutely bizarre or at least ridiculous, according to our modern sensibilities. But I'll admit that some of these guidelines are quite nice and seem to be just a matter of common sense and courtesy. My favorite part of the book is the section on love letters. The correspondence (probably made up, but I'm not sure) is so fun to read. What a far cry from today's quick, meaningless text messages!
I also enjoyed the drawings in this book. Some had quite a Dickensian look to them, and others seemed to be from a later time period. They were all great, though. The best ones illustrate (with explanations below) the incorrect way of doing things, such as behavior at a dinner party, visiting friends, etc. Hilarious!
I also enjoyed the drawings in this book. Some had quite a Dickensian look to them, and others seemed to be from a later time period. They were all great, though. The best ones illustrate (with explanations below) the incorrect way of doing things, such as behavior at a dinner party, visiting friends, etc. Hilarious!
February 3, 2013
Life is much more simple now in some respects, but the defined relationships and behavior patterns of the past have something to be said for them.
While I would not want to return to the stultifying Victorian age as a woman, given the limited options available to females, the formal, courteous and thoughtful ways of the time have something nice about them.
But of course, all these nice manners, and nice they are, were for the upper class people who had the time and money to live the lives as described. The "regular" people lived at much simpler and less formal level, and probably enjoyed it more (money aside).
While I would not want to return to the stultifying Victorian age as a woman, given the limited options available to females, the formal, courteous and thoughtful ways of the time have something nice about them.
But of course, all these nice manners, and nice they are, were for the upper class people who had the time and money to live the lives as described. The "regular" people lived at much simpler and less formal level, and probably enjoyed it more (money aside).
March 27, 2016
A book that takes you back in time with the beautiful illustrations, embodying the Victorians and their dramatic expressions! Filled with the rules and norms of society, a book that every Victorian enthusiast should keep handy! If you love the social history about the Victorian era, without doubt, this shall appeal.
Loved it!
Loved it!
August 21, 2013
Fun little coffee-table book. Great if you're looking for small details to add to a Victorian drama/fiction!
October 17, 2018
I was in a Gilded Age phase this past August, and upon completion of a tour of The Breakers in Newport, RI, I picked up this book in a gift shop because I just couldn't get enough! This wealth and all of their stuffy customs fascinated me to no end; it's like learning about another species disguised as your own. Anyway, this book did not disappoint. I found it humorous and intriguing, although I'm not sure it was meant to be. My favorite parts were the rules for dining (with illustrations from the actual time period teaching you what NOT to do at the dinner party) and the sample letters of correspondence. The courting back then was something else, my goodness. One negative side effect of having read this is that the other book I'm currently reading has some period flaws, and it's bothering me when otherwise I wouldn't have noticed! :)
December 24, 2019
You'd have to have absolutely NO life, to spend your time obsessing over the meaningless minutiae of social conduct. (Or worse yet, trying to *control* the behavior of *others* in that respect...).
Florence King really nailed it: "No matter which sex I slept with, I never smoked in the street."
November 12, 2022
I found this little gem in the gift shop of The Breakers in Rhode Island, and I thought it would be useful for a book I’m writing. It turned out to be an informative and entertaining read! I now know how to avoid faux pas at a Victorian Era ball, how to hold a proper conversation at the dinner table (without lounging on the table), and how to write a letter to break off a relationship with a tobacco user.
June 18, 2024
This books good as fuck
April 2, 2016
Surprisingly progressive and modern for a book written in the 1870s-1890s(no exact date of publication is given). I expected rules and tips for how to 'control' your wife or how women should try to get married but the author, Dr.Hill blew me away. There were the standard rules for every day life: how to interact with strangers on the street or at dinner parties, how to behave at parties, how to conduct yourself in any given situation, how to write letters, etc. But when I got to the marriage part, I WAS BLOWN AWAY.
I expected him to say women needed to marry because that was how it was done, but instead I read lines like "it is the mark of judgment and rare good sense to go through life without wedlock, if she cannot marry from love" and "do not be afraid of being an "old maid." The disgrace attached to that term has long since passed away. Unmarried ladies of mature years are proverbially among the most intelligent, accomplished and independent to be found in society."(Page 70) Color me shocked. And the part where he talks about marriage and tells the man basically that she took a leap of faith in leaving her loving home and parents to be with him so he needs to shape up and carry himself as a husband worthy of that trust. Then the author tells women to be careful in who they marry because their happiness isn't worth ANY marriage, and the author has a list of rules for both the wife and the husband and while, yes, it is a bit out dated and keeps insisting the woman's place is in the home, the fact that he keeps telling the husband to trust her and let her run the house and to tell her about his job because "in nearly every case she will be found a most valuable adviser when she understands all your circumstances" (page 122)and suggests giving his wife a sum per week to handle household expenses PLUS more so she can sock away the extra money for herself to spend as she will, that just is amazing. I mean, yeah, he's pretty much giving her an allowance so not totally above the ground but the fact that the author says basically "just give her extra and she can do with it what she will, and trust her to use it wisely" instead of being "lol women you can't trust them with money ask for receipts and the change back" is still PRETTY DARN GOOD. I always thought this time period was very anti-women but the author goes out of his way to tell men to not be jerky jerk mcjerks to the women because "few husbands realize how happy the wife is made by the knowledge that her efforts and her merits are appreciated"(page 125) and points out that he believes: "as a general thing, however, women have common sense."(Page 73). Also, the illustrations, provided by Charles Gibson of THE Gibson Girls are just drop dead gorgeous and sumptuous and even if you don't intend to read this book's text, I still recommend this book anyways JUST for the illustrations alone. But, really, I do recommend this book for A: learning about manners and etiquette of the Victorian Age, B: the illustrations and C: finding out that your stereotyped ideas about how women were viewed in the 1870s-1890s just might be off base.
I expected him to say women needed to marry because that was how it was done, but instead I read lines like "it is the mark of judgment and rare good sense to go through life without wedlock, if she cannot marry from love" and "do not be afraid of being an "old maid." The disgrace attached to that term has long since passed away. Unmarried ladies of mature years are proverbially among the most intelligent, accomplished and independent to be found in society."(Page 70) Color me shocked. And the part where he talks about marriage and tells the man basically that she took a leap of faith in leaving her loving home and parents to be with him so he needs to shape up and carry himself as a husband worthy of that trust. Then the author tells women to be careful in who they marry because their happiness isn't worth ANY marriage, and the author has a list of rules for both the wife and the husband and while, yes, it is a bit out dated and keeps insisting the woman's place is in the home, the fact that he keeps telling the husband to trust her and let her run the house and to tell her about his job because "in nearly every case she will be found a most valuable adviser when she understands all your circumstances" (page 122)and suggests giving his wife a sum per week to handle household expenses PLUS more so she can sock away the extra money for herself to spend as she will, that just is amazing. I mean, yeah, he's pretty much giving her an allowance so not totally above the ground but the fact that the author says basically "just give her extra and she can do with it what she will, and trust her to use it wisely" instead of being "lol women you can't trust them with money ask for receipts and the change back" is still PRETTY DARN GOOD. I always thought this time period was very anti-women but the author goes out of his way to tell men to not be jerky jerk mcjerks to the women because "few husbands realize how happy the wife is made by the knowledge that her efforts and her merits are appreciated"(page 125) and points out that he believes: "as a general thing, however, women have common sense."(Page 73). Also, the illustrations, provided by Charles Gibson of THE Gibson Girls are just drop dead gorgeous and sumptuous and even if you don't intend to read this book's text, I still recommend this book anyways JUST for the illustrations alone. But, really, I do recommend this book for A: learning about manners and etiquette of the Victorian Age, B: the illustrations and C: finding out that your stereotyped ideas about how women were viewed in the 1870s-1890s just might be off base.
January 24, 2018
This fun little read offers a quick primer on the fundamentals of English Victorian etiquette, complete with period illustrations. Not quite substantive enough to offer a critical look at the manners of the period, it nevertheless does a good job of offering the overview on a world which was at once very similar but also very different from our own.
These rules of etiquette are culled from serial publications written by "Professor" Thomas E. Hill in the late 19th century. They deal with topics ranging from conduct while walking in public to how best to offer a marriage proposal, and are presented in an unpretentious and informative way. Those hoping for outlandish and complicated rules will be disappointed, as most aspects of this code of conduct are still enforced or at least understood today. The major exception involves courtship, and Hill provides a number of fascinating model letters illustrating the elaborate nature of 19th century love affairs: he offers suggestion on how to explain why one has fallen out of love, how to reform a lover of odious habits, how to bring up the idea of marriage, and many other topics.
The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette is frankly harmed by the fact that it is often marketed as a "humor" title. Unless one finds the mannerisms of the period inherently humorous, there simply isn't anything terrible funny in this volume. Based upon the cover illustrations, one might be mislead into thinking that the work is a parody, but it is not: it is a very straightforward guide to manners which one might almost be able to use today.
I would recommend The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette to those generally interested in the ways and manners of the 19th century; sadly, its lack of critical notes renders it rather useless as an academic source for the period for all but the most general surveys. It might also be an unusual read for fans of period romance novels who would like to see how it was "really" done
These rules of etiquette are culled from serial publications written by "Professor" Thomas E. Hill in the late 19th century. They deal with topics ranging from conduct while walking in public to how best to offer a marriage proposal, and are presented in an unpretentious and informative way. Those hoping for outlandish and complicated rules will be disappointed, as most aspects of this code of conduct are still enforced or at least understood today. The major exception involves courtship, and Hill provides a number of fascinating model letters illustrating the elaborate nature of 19th century love affairs: he offers suggestion on how to explain why one has fallen out of love, how to reform a lover of odious habits, how to bring up the idea of marriage, and many other topics.
The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette is frankly harmed by the fact that it is often marketed as a "humor" title. Unless one finds the mannerisms of the period inherently humorous, there simply isn't anything terrible funny in this volume. Based upon the cover illustrations, one might be mislead into thinking that the work is a parody, but it is not: it is a very straightforward guide to manners which one might almost be able to use today.
I would recommend The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette to those generally interested in the ways and manners of the 19th century; sadly, its lack of critical notes renders it rather useless as an academic source for the period for all but the most general surveys. It might also be an unusual read for fans of period romance novels who would like to see how it was "really" done
December 3, 2017
I'm not a big nonfiction reader, but I'm trying to read more nonfiction. Next year I have a goal of two nonfiction books. But, anyways, I bought this book because anything Victorian culture is a big thing for me. I have always loved that era in culture, history, and enlightenment.
As such, I plan on one day writing fiction set in a Victorian like setting. Because of this, books like this is great research material.
What did I find out about myself in reading this book? I would have issues in high society. Though in today's culture I could be prudish (I'll be the first to admit that), I am by no means a Victorian lady.
What else did I find out in this book? My husband needs to read the last sentence. Actually, every man needs to read the last sentence. It could potentially help your relationship issues. I am not kidding. It made me laugh.
I will be keeping this book and using it for further research. Luckily, it's short and written more like a How to book. There are even illustrations and examples to help you understand how to think like a high society individual.
As such, I plan on one day writing fiction set in a Victorian like setting. Because of this, books like this is great research material.
What did I find out about myself in reading this book? I would have issues in high society. Though in today's culture I could be prudish (I'll be the first to admit that), I am by no means a Victorian lady.
What else did I find out in this book? My husband needs to read the last sentence. Actually, every man needs to read the last sentence. It could potentially help your relationship issues. I am not kidding. It made me laugh.
I will be keeping this book and using it for further research. Luckily, it's short and written more like a How to book. There are even illustrations and examples to help you understand how to think like a high society individual.
March 18, 2013
Read this for a work project. The first half of the book has advice one could readily (and should) apply to modern life. Most of it is common sense and is mostly about being sensitive to making others comfortable. The two "Don't" pictures, with infractions numbered, are a hoot.
The second half, about love and marriage, is not so useful. It's dated and laughable, though not as thoroughly sexist as you would expect. I recommend, however, the sample letter on how to dump a boyfriend who smokes.
The second half, about love and marriage, is not so useful. It's dated and laughable, though not as thoroughly sexist as you would expect. I recommend, however, the sample letter on how to dump a boyfriend who smokes.
January 23, 2016
Liked it just as much as The Essential Handbook of Victorian Entertainment, and I definitely think these two should be read as a set. The illustrations were, again, wonderful, and the text entertaining but informative. I got this from The Breakers mansion in Newport, RI - a very representative place for this little book (hence why it's sold there). Overall, it's a fun little book that you shouldn't take too seriously but can certainly take away a few pointers from.
June 2, 2007
Every person today should know adequate decorum and awareness of their own and other people's good manners.
January 19, 2016
Wonderful reference! Get to know about the good old days.
August 31, 2010
Very fun reading. I actually picked this up at a museum several years ago and just got around to read it.
May 23, 2011
Amusing and informative - I drew on this and its companion, The Essential Handbook of Victorian Entertaining, while writing A Most Immoral Woman.
July 8, 2013
Amusing, fascinating to see what still remains true in modern society, and only very occasionally misogynistic.
April 23, 2016
I bought this at the James J. Hill House in St. Paul while on a field trip with my students. It's a great resources for these students as they write historical fiction.
November 16, 2025
This was a fascinating book to read. It is a very good book to have on hand for any writer who write in this period of time.
January 8, 2023
A charming little book with period illustrations. My only complaint is that it wasn't longer.
The book covers such things as who to marry, how to be a good husband or wife, and how to write letters of affection and return said affection or decline it in written form. I found parts amusing such as a letter written to a man who smokes and the woman telling him that although she loves him, she cannot marry him because of his tobacco use. She writes to him estimating how much the cost of his cigars would cost over 40 years. I found it reflective of my thinking, but I already married a smoker.
The book covers such things as who to marry, how to be a good husband or wife, and how to write letters of affection and return said affection or decline it in written form. I found parts amusing such as a letter written to a man who smokes and the woman telling him that although she loves him, she cannot marry him because of his tobacco use. She writes to him estimating how much the cost of his cigars would cost over 40 years. I found it reflective of my thinking, but I already married a smoker.
October 9, 2025
I loved this little book. A very quick, easy and intriguing read that provides an insight into Victorian thought and presents quite a contrast to modern carefree behavior. The writing style was sophisticated and enjoyable. I found it very inspiring.
April 12, 2019
I was somehow both awed and in splits. My only complaint is that it wasn't longer.
April 18, 2019
Fun book to set out on a coffee table :)
December 17, 2023
Useful tool for performing artists.
April 13, 2015
Just a little book of interesting quotes, not a lot of detail or content.
December 28, 2012
Hilarious.
April 27, 2012
We have sure lost some of the manners we used to have.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews