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Marriage and Other Acts of Charity: A Memoir
In her award-winning memoir Here If You Need Me, Kate Braestrup won the hearts of readers across the country with her deeply moving and deftly humorous stories of faith, hope and family. Now, with her inimitable voice and generous spirit, she turns her attention to the subjects of love and commitment in Marriage And Other Acts Of Charity.
As a minister, Kate Braestrup regularly performs weddings. She has also, at 44, been married twice and widowed once, and accordingly has much to say about life after the ceremony. From helping a newlywed couple make amends after their first fight to preparing herself for her second marriage, Braestrup offers her insights and experiences on what it truly means to share your life with someone, from the first kiss to the last straw, for better or for worse.
Part memoir, part observation of modern marriage, and part meditation on the roles of God and love in our everyday lives, Marriage And Other Acts Of Charity is a unique and unforgettable look into why, and how, we love each other, and proves yet again why Kate Braestrup's writing is "inspirational in the best sense" (New York Daily News).
As a minister, Kate Braestrup regularly performs weddings. She has also, at 44, been married twice and widowed once, and accordingly has much to say about life after the ceremony. From helping a newlywed couple make amends after their first fight to preparing herself for her second marriage, Braestrup offers her insights and experiences on what it truly means to share your life with someone, from the first kiss to the last straw, for better or for worse.
Part memoir, part observation of modern marriage, and part meditation on the roles of God and love in our everyday lives, Marriage And Other Acts Of Charity is a unique and unforgettable look into why, and how, we love each other, and proves yet again why Kate Braestrup's writing is "inspirational in the best sense" (New York Daily News).
217 pages, Hardcover
First published December 29, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 239 reviews
February 17, 2010
"'And you want us to actually say 'till death do us part'?" Melanie asked carefully.
..."Look at it this way," I said, "Being parted by death is actually your best-case scenario. Being parted by death is what happens if a marriage works.'"
Kate Braestrup is a minister and the Chaplain to the Maine Warden Service. Part of her duties as a minister is to perform weddings, and counsel those who wish to be married. Using her experiences from her own marriage, and conversations with couples she counsels, she passes on her wisdom in her memoir entitled Marriage and Other Acts of Charity.
The above quote is one of my favorites from the book. It was only one of many special little moments where I had to put the book down and ponder what I had just read. Of course, when someone is twenty-four years old, the line "'till death do us part" sounds positively morbid; but when someone of thirty-five or forty, with ten years of marriage behind them, reads this part of the traditional wedding vows, a light bulb goes on. Aha! 'Til death do us part = a successful marriage.
In a world where 50% of marriages end in divorce, it's nice to see there are people publishing books like Marriage and Other Acts of Charity - a book that roots for marriage, wants them to work, and admits that marriage is hard. Relying on faith and those pesky traditional vows of "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," Braestrup brings us through her memoir in hopes to finding us enlightened on the other side.
This was a memoir first, and a statement of faith second. Even if you are not religious, you still have much to take away from this book. I am currently rediscovering my faith and my religion, so I easily connected with the Christian-based message of Marriage and Other Acts of Charity. I didn't always agree wholeheartedly with Kate Braestrup, but she was both convincing and passionate regarding her beliefs in God, marriage, and family.
Above everything else, Kate Braestrup is a wonderful storyteller, taking on the seriousness of marriage, motherhood, God and grief, but does so with humor, compassion, and grace.
February 3, 2010
I bought this after meeting the author at a book reading. I had really enjoyed her first book and jumped at the chance to meet Kate and hear about her second. This one continues with a similar style, and seems to deepen the message of the first. As a person I found her genuine, funny and completely marvelous. I feel like I should re-read both books and take notes.
March 19, 2011
Rev. Kate's latest book is also my least favorite, which is to say, I think she may need to find some new material, and I am a little raw from the feelings it stirred up.
I still love her conversational style, her message of love and acceptance, and the way she embraces her faults. I liked the addition of the Q & A section, and, as with the first two books, I reached the end with a burning desire to be better, love more, and accept the ones I love for the treasures they are.
That said, I've now read the same anecdote three times in very similar ways. Sure, some people will be coming to her for the first time, but for those of us who are serial readers, it drags.
This book, on some level, was also difficult to read because it hit too close to home. Her previous two books were about loss and grief. At 30, I've yet to experience the loss of someone dear and hear to my heart (Thanks be to God).
But this book was about love and marriage. And as I turned the pages, I saw the fights I dug into that I should have walked away from. I saw the fights I didn't have that I should have made a stand for. I saw the inherent value in my last marriage, that I could have done more to salvage it, and that I deeply wounded a man that, at one point, I had promised my lasting loyalty to. I saw the pain of walking away when the heart hasn't yet let go, the gentle release when you finally allow yourself to move on, and paper cuts of emotional pain when my daughter pleads with me to stay by her side.
I saw the whirlwind of passion that began my current marriage. The reckless, precious, magical run to the altar. The perfection of the wedding day surrounded and celebrated by the ones we love. The volatility of our arguments and the relative ease with which we reconcile. The pain of being apart and the joy of something as simple as sharing a story and a drink before dashing back to work. A marriage that is young and, at times, dysfunctional, but passionate and sincere in the love and respect it embodies. A marriage burdened by the baggage of the past and lightened by the promises of a future together, and secured in the determination that, this time, we'll do it right.
Which is a rambling confession that, once again, her words touched me, and, this time, left me raw.
I still love her conversational style, her message of love and acceptance, and the way she embraces her faults. I liked the addition of the Q & A section, and, as with the first two books, I reached the end with a burning desire to be better, love more, and accept the ones I love for the treasures they are.
That said, I've now read the same anecdote three times in very similar ways. Sure, some people will be coming to her for the first time, but for those of us who are serial readers, it drags.
This book, on some level, was also difficult to read because it hit too close to home. Her previous two books were about loss and grief. At 30, I've yet to experience the loss of someone dear and hear to my heart (Thanks be to God).
But this book was about love and marriage. And as I turned the pages, I saw the fights I dug into that I should have walked away from. I saw the fights I didn't have that I should have made a stand for. I saw the inherent value in my last marriage, that I could have done more to salvage it, and that I deeply wounded a man that, at one point, I had promised my lasting loyalty to. I saw the pain of walking away when the heart hasn't yet let go, the gentle release when you finally allow yourself to move on, and paper cuts of emotional pain when my daughter pleads with me to stay by her side.
I saw the whirlwind of passion that began my current marriage. The reckless, precious, magical run to the altar. The perfection of the wedding day surrounded and celebrated by the ones we love. The volatility of our arguments and the relative ease with which we reconcile. The pain of being apart and the joy of something as simple as sharing a story and a drink before dashing back to work. A marriage that is young and, at times, dysfunctional, but passionate and sincere in the love and respect it embodies. A marriage burdened by the baggage of the past and lightened by the promises of a future together, and secured in the determination that, this time, we'll do it right.
Which is a rambling confession that, once again, her words touched me, and, this time, left me raw.
April 4, 2016
Around the Year Reading Challenge Item #28: A biography, autobiography or memoir
If this was classified as a book of essays rather than a memoir, I might have enjoyed it more.
As a memoir, it just felt so all-over-the-place. Braestrup is a good writer, but there was no clear through-line, and there did not seem to be much of any organizing principles guiding when and how she told her stories -- it was just a jumble of experiences and thoughts related to the subject of marriage -- sometimes very tangentially. I listened to the audio version, and I'd often find myself in the middle of a new scene wondering how the heck we got there, or how it was supposed to relate to what came before, or what it was doing in the book at all.
While I enjoyed a lot of the stories individually, as a whole it was just too ADD for me. I had no trouble believing after reading this that this woman frequently lets kettles melt on the stove because she forgets about them or allows the bathtub to runneth over -- that same sense of distraction was applied to the way this book was put together. Maybe if I had read this rather than listened to it I would have had an easier time; as it was, I kept being like, "Wait, what are we talking about now?"
I liked Braestrup's "take" on spirituality so I might still be open to reading something else by her in the future -- but my brain needs a little recovery time first.
If this was classified as a book of essays rather than a memoir, I might have enjoyed it more.
As a memoir, it just felt so all-over-the-place. Braestrup is a good writer, but there was no clear through-line, and there did not seem to be much of any organizing principles guiding when and how she told her stories -- it was just a jumble of experiences and thoughts related to the subject of marriage -- sometimes very tangentially. I listened to the audio version, and I'd often find myself in the middle of a new scene wondering how the heck we got there, or how it was supposed to relate to what came before, or what it was doing in the book at all.
While I enjoyed a lot of the stories individually, as a whole it was just too ADD for me. I had no trouble believing after reading this that this woman frequently lets kettles melt on the stove because she forgets about them or allows the bathtub to runneth over -- that same sense of distraction was applied to the way this book was put together. Maybe if I had read this rather than listened to it I would have had an easier time; as it was, I kept being like, "Wait, what are we talking about now?"
I liked Braestrup's "take" on spirituality so I might still be open to reading something else by her in the future -- but my brain needs a little recovery time first.
February 24, 2010
I was not as impressed by this one as by Braestrup's first, but I still enjoyed the read.
I mentioned in my review of Here If You Need Me that one of the things I liked about it was that she didn't force a strong narrative, but rather let the story of losing her husband and becoming a chaplain flow naturally. She attempted the same style in this one, but it didn't work quite as well. The loss of her first husband was a strong unifying theme that was lacking in this one - marriage, as mentioned in the title, certainly played a part in most of the book, but it wasn't enough of a connection to bring her various stories together.
I would still recommend this to people, especially here in the Book Shop - she's a local author, and she writes very well with a strong voice. But this is a bit of a sophomore slump (or technically a junior slump, maybe, as she had a novel published years ago?).
I mentioned in my review of Here If You Need Me that one of the things I liked about it was that she didn't force a strong narrative, but rather let the story of losing her husband and becoming a chaplain flow naturally. She attempted the same style in this one, but it didn't work quite as well. The loss of her first husband was a strong unifying theme that was lacking in this one - marriage, as mentioned in the title, certainly played a part in most of the book, but it wasn't enough of a connection to bring her various stories together.
I would still recommend this to people, especially here in the Book Shop - she's a local author, and she writes very well with a strong voice. But this is a bit of a sophomore slump (or technically a junior slump, maybe, as she had a novel published years ago?).
January 28, 2011
I thoroughly enjoyed Braestrup's first book Here If You Need Me and hoped she would continue with the insightful and beautiful writing. I was not disappointed.
Braestrup is a Unitarian Universalist minister/chaplain who works with the Maine warden service. Tragicially, suddenly widowed in 1996 when her policeman husband was killed in an accident, she was left to raise four children from ages 3-9.
This latest book is a testimony of the difficulty of committed, loving relationships. Unflinchingly told with candor, clarity, honesty and poignancy, Braestrup does not gloss over the fact that her marriage was rocky and difficult...AND, she also celebrates that it was also loving and wonderful.
This book is packed with pearls of wisdom, including the fact that sometimes loving those we love is the hardest thing we are called to do.
The ups and downs, give and take of committed relationship requires a self giving and other directedness that seems impossible to achieve, stumbling along, we learn of love as we follow the dark path, with the hope light is at the end.
Highly recommended!!
Braestrup is a Unitarian Universalist minister/chaplain who works with the Maine warden service. Tragicially, suddenly widowed in 1996 when her policeman husband was killed in an accident, she was left to raise four children from ages 3-9.
This latest book is a testimony of the difficulty of committed, loving relationships. Unflinchingly told with candor, clarity, honesty and poignancy, Braestrup does not gloss over the fact that her marriage was rocky and difficult...AND, she also celebrates that it was also loving and wonderful.
This book is packed with pearls of wisdom, including the fact that sometimes loving those we love is the hardest thing we are called to do.
The ups and downs, give and take of committed relationship requires a self giving and other directedness that seems impossible to achieve, stumbling along, we learn of love as we follow the dark path, with the hope light is at the end.
Highly recommended!!
July 24, 2010
I picked this up at the library because I liked the title. I came away from the book feeling like I just got to know somebody really well. I did not learn anything new and it didn't change me, I just made a new friend in Kate Braestrup.
I didn't always agree with Braestrup, especially sad for me (as I believe it is possible to have an eternal marraige), was this following point of view
"'And you want us to actually say 'till death do us part'?" Melanie asked carefully.
..."Look at it this way," I said, "Being parted by death is actually your best-case scenario. Being parted by death is what happens if a marriage works.'"
and her "ah-ha" moment in her marraige seemed so obvious to me...really? it took her years to realize that she should treat her spouse the way she would like to be treated?
However, it was interesting to hear how she came around to the idea and how profoundly her change of heart impacted her relationship with her husband.
I didn't always agree with Braestrup, especially sad for me (as I believe it is possible to have an eternal marraige), was this following point of view
"'And you want us to actually say 'till death do us part'?" Melanie asked carefully.
..."Look at it this way," I said, "Being parted by death is actually your best-case scenario. Being parted by death is what happens if a marriage works.'"
and her "ah-ha" moment in her marraige seemed so obvious to me...really? it took her years to realize that she should treat her spouse the way she would like to be treated?
However, it was interesting to hear how she came around to the idea and how profoundly her change of heart impacted her relationship with her husband.
January 23, 2010
Kate Braestrup is a talented author. I enjoyed the her previous book of essays, Here If You Need Me, but this effort was wanting. The title indicates a focus on marriage, but I found the book's direction to be meandering at best. In theory a meandering direction isn't fatal to a book's readability, but there generally has to be some thread of continuity, and this book didn't seem to have one. Even within chapters the style was disconnected, with passages several paragraphs long being inserted seemingly at random. It read more like the first draft of a journal rather than a book ready for publication. I quit it after about 80 pages. There were some good nuggets in those pages, but they weren't worth the effort. I kept thinking, "This could have been a way better book if she had done this or that."
In short, Ms. Braestrup needs a better editor.
In short, Ms. Braestrup needs a better editor.
November 16, 2015
Meh, this book was totally phoned in and written with a lack of emotional depth that makes a memoir worth reading.
September 25, 2020
I loved Kate Braestrup's Here If You Need Me, so I picked this one up when it came out. And...it sat on the shelf for quite a while. But when I saw it the other day, I remembered all that I loved about her first book, and thought this one might be just the ticket. And it was.
Braestrup has an interesting story - a young mother of four whose state trooper husband is killed in a road accident then goes on to get a divinity degree and become a chaplain in Maine's Wildlife Services. But this book and the one that preceded it have earned my love and admiration because of the way she tells her story - the wit, the humor, the honest grappling with life's issues and trying to use her spiritual background and commitment to be useful to people. She is not the spiritual leader with an answer to every question, but rather a sincere and very human individual who struggles herself, and then uses her hard-earned learning to be useful. I probably would have liked this book very much whenever I picked it up; given the strange times we're living in, it was a gift.
Braestrup has an interesting story - a young mother of four whose state trooper husband is killed in a road accident then goes on to get a divinity degree and become a chaplain in Maine's Wildlife Services. But this book and the one that preceded it have earned my love and admiration because of the way she tells her story - the wit, the humor, the honest grappling with life's issues and trying to use her spiritual background and commitment to be useful to people. She is not the spiritual leader with an answer to every question, but rather a sincere and very human individual who struggles herself, and then uses her hard-earned learning to be useful. I probably would have liked this book very much whenever I picked it up; given the strange times we're living in, it was a gift.
August 23, 2018
I found this to be quite readable, and often moving. The style is similar to her first book, “Here if You Need Me.” I read it as my dad was dying, so many of my thoughts were centered on my parents and their long and loving marriage. One of her lines that really struck home was the idea that for a marriage to end with the death of one partner is a success story — that ultimately, on the day the vows are said, the stated goal of the couple is to eventually face the grief of being parted by death. Somehow even though I’m a minister and a hospice chaplain, having officiated at many weddings and funerals, I had never hit upon that particular realization.
April 15, 2020
Such a cool woman. I loved her thoughts on life, death, hardships, hope and marriage. It was a lovely read to turn to during this particular time.
April 13, 2023
Oh my gosh, I love Kate Braestrup. This is the second of her books I've read, both very personal, humorous, and serious reflections upon her life and those around her. She is a chaplain for the Maine Game Wardens (what??) To get to know her, start with her book "Here If You Need Me" which is a collection of stories about her life and her chaplaincy. Her writing has the perfect mix of intellectual depth and humble humor, and I find myself wanting to race on to the next story at the same time that I want to stop to savor and contemplate the one I just read.
As its title suggests, "Marriage and Other Acts of Charity" is about love and marriage - hers and those of friends and people she has worked with. I come away with an awareness of the precariousness of happiness and life, but with a sense of hopeful energy.
Write on, Kate Braestrup! I'll be continuing to follow your works.
04/2023 - Just re-read this book, listening to the author's recorded version this time. Again I'll say that I love, love, LOVE this book. I highly recommend it to thoughtful adults who are interested in meaningful relationships and a meaningful life....dished up with irreverent, caring humor!
As its title suggests, "Marriage and Other Acts of Charity" is about love and marriage - hers and those of friends and people she has worked with. I come away with an awareness of the precariousness of happiness and life, but with a sense of hopeful energy.
Write on, Kate Braestrup! I'll be continuing to follow your works.
04/2023 - Just re-read this book, listening to the author's recorded version this time. Again I'll say that I love, love, LOVE this book. I highly recommend it to thoughtful adults who are interested in meaningful relationships and a meaningful life....dished up with irreverent, caring humor!
January 21, 2010
I liked this scattered memoir, as I did the author's first, "Here If You Need Me," about the loss of her State Trooper husband in a car accident and her subsequent career as the Maine State Game Warden Chaplain. This picks up where that memoir left off. There's a lot of God in here, but it's a god I understand, god as love, and love as a verb. She proposes here that if you can learn to love fully and unselfishly at home, i.e. in your marriage-- for better or worse, from the first kiss to the last straw-- you can learn to be open to more love, be even more generous and be more inclined to serve and love all of human life. She realistically explores her own life and relationships and those of people close to her, beautifully rendering the terrain we all stumble across, bearing our fragile hearts in our clumsy human hands. It's a brave thing to try to love but her advice is to: Just Love.
January 13, 2010
I want to be Kate Braestrup's friend. At the very least I want to sit at her feet and listen to her talk for hours upon end. Her kindness, her compassion, her humanity resonates through every word of her new book, Marriage, and Other Acts of Charity. Which, by the way, is the perfect book for Newlyweds to read.
In Kate's (yes, I feel comfortable enough to call the author by her first name) first book, Here If You Need Me you get to see her inner strength as she talks about her journey after the death of her husband, Drew. The journey that takes her to Ministry, and eventually the Maine Wardens.
Read the rest of my review here:
http://charlotteswebofbooks.blogspot....
In Kate's (yes, I feel comfortable enough to call the author by her first name) first book, Here If You Need Me you get to see her inner strength as she talks about her journey after the death of her husband, Drew. The journey that takes her to Ministry, and eventually the Maine Wardens.
Read the rest of my review here:
http://charlotteswebofbooks.blogspot....
February 13, 2010
I really liked Kate's first memoir (and you should read it first)"Here if you need me" which sets the scene for this one which comes next in her life. She writes from personal experience as well as that from the heart of a Unitarian and Chaplain to the Maine Warden Service (where she consouls the men of the Forest service)
In the first book she becomes a widow with 4 children and becomes a minister and in this one she remarries a man wiht 2 children so there is a lot of reference to the woes and joys of parenthood. The main point of this bood is the importance of understanding just what love means in all phases of life. It is done with humor and a close look at herself.
This was a refreshing escape from too many mysteries.
In the first book she becomes a widow with 4 children and becomes a minister and in this one she remarries a man wiht 2 children so there is a lot of reference to the woes and joys of parenthood. The main point of this bood is the importance of understanding just what love means in all phases of life. It is done with humor and a close look at herself.
This was a refreshing escape from too many mysteries.
March 12, 2010
Kate is constantly telling the couples remember their wedding vows and love each other even when it isn't easy. She is an ordained minister and wants to let everyone know that there are three different kinds of love.
Kate has known her own marital heartache, mourning her husband who was killed in a car crash. Her marriage wasn't perfect, she and her husband actually went to a marriage counselor. Sometimes you need someone on the outside looking in to give you a clearer picture of your relationship.
As a woman who loves her husband, I have to say that this is one of my favorite memoirs. Kate's views are a breath of fresh air. I want my husband and I to have a healthy and loving relationship. I will definitely be using some of Kate's knowledge in my own marriage.
May 21, 2010
This didn't live up to the praise that was heaped on the author for her previous memoir, Here if You Need Me. It was okay, and may be great for you if you're underappreciating your spouse, or not realizing that love in any relationship is the true source of joy in this life, but this book was far from offering any life-altering revelations that might make it worth the read. I was particularly put off by her version of christianity (with a lower-case 'c'), which embodied the scripture "Having a form of Godliness, but denying the power thereof." But again, as far as feel-good pop pyschology goes, this probably won't do much damage.
January 21, 2010
One part humor. One part tragic. A pinch of worry. A dash of anger. A dollop of uncertainty, but sizeable measures of love and you have a book to savor in Marriage and Other Acts of Charity. It's a thoughtful examination of what marriage is, and isn't, and is a real heart warmer. Try this sample to kick off your own marriage discussion: Nothing is more important than ______________. Honest and revealing about what's most significant.
February 7, 2010
The followup to her first book, Here If You Need Me. I was taken by the first book (finding myself in full-out tears within the first 20 pages) and recommended to many (turns out) thankful people. The second book did not disappoint. The stories are filled with humor and grace, and that might be one of the highest compliments I could give. I am thankful that there other people like her in the world. Life gets easier with that knowledge.
February 12, 2010
Okay, so I read this in about 3 days and I really liked it. I recommended this and her first book to my daughter who has waffled about being a minister and is now aiming @ life coach. Reminds me a little of Anne Lamott's recent books w/o the whining (don't get me wrong, I love AL but i guess I'm glad the minister didn't whine.) She draws you into meditations w/o you being aware how thought provoking marriage and how we react to it can be.
January 8, 2012
Kate Braestrup is a disarmingly honest, warm, and often funny woman. I like the life lessons she dishes up--some poignant, some absurd, some hilarious (see the straw up the nose incident in chapter 9). Best of all, I feel more grounded in myself and appreciative of what life has to offer when I have finished with one of her books. Thank you, Kate.
February 20, 2010
"'And you want us to actually say 'till death do us part'?" Melanie asked carefully.
..."Look at it this way," I said, "Being parted by death is actually your best-case scenario. Being parted by death is what happens if a marriage works.'"
Truer words have never been spoken.
..."Look at it this way," I said, "Being parted by death is actually your best-case scenario. Being parted by death is what happens if a marriage works.'"
Truer words have never been spoken.
February 28, 2010
I laughed out loud with this book. I made my husband while I read parts of it to him! I get a huge kick out of Kate Braestrup and the way she sees the world. I wouldn't want her job, but she seems to keep it all in perspective. I definitely recommend this book.
November 17, 2009
Stunning, insightful, beautifully written!
March 4, 2010
Gorgeous little book. I like this woman. I like the way she thinks and her spirituality appeals to me.
May 28, 2013
Something about this topic struck a chord. Also, it reinforced the idea that I might enjoy memoir/essay hybrid rather than straight up memoir.
August 20, 2019
I loved this book just as much as Here If You Need Me. I need this woman’s wisdom in my life every day; I just need to take quotes from her books and post them all around my house. I listened to the audiobook of this one (free on Hoopla with your library card) as well as Here If You Need me, but I feel like I still need to buy paperback copies of both so I can highlight, circle, and underline the shit out of them.
I really enjoyed her perspective on marriage (hence the title) that she went much more into detail in with this book. Her other book made her marriage sound kind of picture-perfect and idyllic. This one tells the whole story behind the seemingly perfect love they shared.
The biggest take away I will remember from this book is when she asks a group of students to fill in this blank: Nothing matters more than ______. Her answer is love. Nothing matters more than love. She warns that if you complete the sentence with “nothing matters more than myself” that’s where you run into trouble. That’s when you damage the people around you, whether you mean to or not.
In addition, I really connected with her interpretation of God (expressed in both books). To her, God is love. God is simply a force inside all of us that drives us to act with love toward each other. When people ask “where is God?” when something bad happens, her answer is that God isn’t there. God is not there when bad and evil things happen. God is there when people reach out to help and support each other and love each other in the face of pain and tragedy. That’s probably the most satisfactory answer I’ve ever found regarding religion and a higher power.
I highly recommend both these books, and I’m excited to read more from her (I think she has at least two others).
I really enjoyed her perspective on marriage (hence the title) that she went much more into detail in with this book. Her other book made her marriage sound kind of picture-perfect and idyllic. This one tells the whole story behind the seemingly perfect love they shared.
The biggest take away I will remember from this book is when she asks a group of students to fill in this blank: Nothing matters more than ______. Her answer is love. Nothing matters more than love. She warns that if you complete the sentence with “nothing matters more than myself” that’s where you run into trouble. That’s when you damage the people around you, whether you mean to or not.
In addition, I really connected with her interpretation of God (expressed in both books). To her, God is love. God is simply a force inside all of us that drives us to act with love toward each other. When people ask “where is God?” when something bad happens, her answer is that God isn’t there. God is not there when bad and evil things happen. God is there when people reach out to help and support each other and love each other in the face of pain and tragedy. That’s probably the most satisfactory answer I’ve ever found regarding religion and a higher power.
I highly recommend both these books, and I’m excited to read more from her (I think she has at least two others).
July 17, 2020
At age 44. Kate has been through the wringer when it comes to life situations. She was married to Drew, a State Police officer with the state of Maine. Their marriage produced 4 children and like many, has had its ups and downs. Indeed, as she jokes in the beginning of chapter 4,'Marriage is a three-ring circus; the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring.' They are working through their problems, when Drew is tragically killed on the job. A lot of the book tells how she grappled with that loss, and trying to see a future for her and her children. Her husband had said that when he retired he wanted to become a Unitarian Church minister. Inspired, Kate embarks on her journey to become what Drew never had the chance to. She became the minister/clergy to the Maine Service Wardens (think of wildlife officers), and her stories here tell of her encounters with those embarking upon marriage, enduring the trials of marriage, and those ending their marriages. She does it with humor and a bit of self-deprecation, and a bit of Gospel. I really enjoyed this book so much that I re-visited her first book, Here If You Need Me, (which I knew I had read, but didn't review on my goodreads.com account.)
February 22, 2019
3.5 stars
I really liked Braestrup's Here If You Need Me, so I was excited to read this one as well. It was pretty good. I liked her honesty about the difficulties in her first marriage (mostly caused by Braestrup herself) and her ability to laugh at herself for realizing that maybe she needed to treat her husband the way she wanted to be treated! Or, as she put it, "I had single-handedly reinvented the Golden Rule!"
Other parts of the book sort of irritated me. Her thoughts on Jesus make me think she hasn't really given him very much thought. She has this need to make fun of herself for being religious and point out that she didn't start out that way. I understand this-- being religious is NOT COOL and it's hard to not be embarrassed by it on some level and she's trying to allay that by being self-aware and willing to put down her own beliefs. I guess? But I just sort of wanted to tell her to knock it off already.
And all her focus on how the very BEST marriages all end at death depressed me. How people live with that belief is beyond me.
Also, I wanted more stories. About other people.
I really liked Braestrup's Here If You Need Me, so I was excited to read this one as well. It was pretty good. I liked her honesty about the difficulties in her first marriage (mostly caused by Braestrup herself) and her ability to laugh at herself for realizing that maybe she needed to treat her husband the way she wanted to be treated! Or, as she put it, "I had single-handedly reinvented the Golden Rule!"
Other parts of the book sort of irritated me. Her thoughts on Jesus make me think she hasn't really given him very much thought. She has this need to make fun of herself for being religious and point out that she didn't start out that way. I understand this-- being religious is NOT COOL and it's hard to not be embarrassed by it on some level and she's trying to allay that by being self-aware and willing to put down her own beliefs. I guess? But I just sort of wanted to tell her to knock it off already.
And all her focus on how the very BEST marriages all end at death depressed me. How people live with that belief is beyond me.
Also, I wanted more stories. About other people.
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