Atkinson for England

by Gary James, Mark Brown

With only 10 days to go before England’s crucial World Cup Qualifier against Germany, national manager Glenn Gould resigns, blaming Brendon Fendon, the FA’s Machiavellian chief executive, of taking an unhealthy interest in team affairs. A shortlist of temporary replacement managers is drawn up – the instant favourite is Ron Atkinson. Brendan Fendon leaves for Brazil to attend a career-enhancing FIFA conference on the elasticity of corner flags. Meanwhile, Nottingham plumber and Sunday League manager Reg Atkinson is concerned that his tender for the undersoil heating contract at the new Wembley stadium will be lost in the latest crisis to hit the England team. But he is soon reassured by a call from the FA asking him to an interview. Reg quickly hones his knowledge of the Swedish undersoil heating system and heads for London. After a swift selection process, Brendan Fendon’s stand-in Sir Richard Scratcher appoints Atkinson and calls a press conference to announce the new England boss. But, as the mass media soon discover, the man taking the stage isn’t Ron but Reg who has signed a multi-million pound contract to take charge of the national team. The press have a field day, but Brendan Fendon is none the wiser as his delayed flight from Rio lands at Heathrow. When the truth dawns he realises the only way out is to force Reg to resign by preventing all England’s stars from playing against Germany. What does Reg do now? If he resigns he’ll lose his money, but if he continues, England will be forced to forfeit the match and Germany will surely qualify. The press are camped outside Reg’s humble semi in Nottingham, he’s suffered a mysterious break-in and his plumbing business and the future of English football look like going down the pan...

350 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published December 1, 2002

About the author

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Reviews

[Romysh · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS IS A MASTERPIECE!
Perhaps one of the funniest football related novels for sure! Fantastic plot that put a smile on my face, which sometimes burst into laughter (well, it looked rather silly on the train).

It was in central London when I had a couple of hours between work, so I decided to nip in this bookshop. As I was browsing, aware that I'm not going to buy anything (it was few days until my payday) I bumped into the shelf with cheap books. Nothing really caught my eye until I saw this. It cost me only a pound and I knew straight away it was a bargain. Few weeks later I started reading this and I just couldn't keep my eyes off it. So realistic and yet still impossible. Very well-written.
To be honest I expected a bit less of this book, but it really surprised me. It kept me interested with all the plot twists and unexpected events that happened in the story. When I spotted they mentioned Newark, a town where I lived for some time and have great memories about the place, I almost wept.
It is truly magnificent.

It's no wonder that this book found a special place on my reading shelves.

[Peter Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Always loved this book, it never fails to put a smile on my face !

[Praveen Palakkazhi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Haha. In light of the recent troubles facing the good people running the show at the English FA in finding a worthwhile manager to replace the recently resigned Roy Hodgson (after an Icelandic eruption out of Euro 2016), this book is a good counterpuncher. Absolutely harmless, totally unrealistic but also laugh out loud funny. I had almost forgotten I had this, lying as it was, underneath my ‘to read’ queue for years after I picked it up at an obscure roadside stall in Thrissur.

Reg Atkinson, plumber and part time manager of the Forest Inn pub team, is sweating over the biggest job interview of his career – to do the undersoil heating at Wembley. Little does he know that the buffoons running the show there are about to inadvertently offer him the job and money of his life, but with a slightly unexpected difference. Confusing him with his more famous last name namesake, the erstwhile United manager Ron, the FA goes and makes him the England manager. Soon all mayhem and media wrangling breaks out as Reg and his friends find themselves in over their heads, as well as having to navigate the murky world of FA politics. And all this while a major fixture with Germany is coming up which could decide the fate of England’s place at the World Cup. Will Reg be able to navigate all the hurdles being thrown at him and guide his country to the World Cup?

Lighthearted fun, this is more relatable of course if you are remotely interested in football. It does get extraordinarily unbelievable at times, but I don’t think realism was the intent here. Tickling the funny bone is what it is meant to do, and that it does very well.

[Poppy · Rating 4 out of 5]

a fun read, thanks Gary James.