Bạn thật sự là ai? Khám phá đáng kinh ngạc về tính cách con người

by Brian Little, Trần Hoàng Sơn (Translator)

“Bạn thật sự là ai?”

Thật ra, bạn không có một con người thật. Bạn đa chân tính.

“Thật ra, bạn không có một con người thật. Trên thực tế, bạn có thể có đa chân tính. Trong thời đại mà người ta quá chú trọng ý tưởng về một con người thật, đa chân tính có thể là một khái niệm phức tạp và gây tranh cãi, nhưng có nhiều hơn một chân tính không có nghĩa là chúng ta thiếu chiếc la bàn đạo đức, thiếu trung thực hay thậm chí là có mâu thuẫn nội tâm”, tác giả Brian R. Little lý giải. “Đa chân tính chỉ đơn giản là một con người thành thật có thể khác nhau tại những thời điểm khác nhau, và con người thật sự của bạn có thể thay đổi tùy theo hoàn cảnh.”

Ngành tâm lý học tính cách đã trải qua giai đoạn tranh luận xem yếu tố bẩm sinh hay yếu tố xã hội mới nắm vai trò quyết định trong việc định hình tính cách con người. Sau nhiều cuộc tranh luận kéo dài hàng chục năm, cuối cùng, đa số các nhà tâm lý học đều đồng ý rằng cả hai yếu tố đó đều có vai trò quan trọng như nhau. Tuy nhiên, Tiến sĩ Brian R. Little lại có một ý tưởng khác.

Sau thành công của buổi nói chuyện về chủ đề chân tính con người, một buổi nói chuyện mà hiện nay đã vượt mười sáu triệu lượt xem trên TED Talks, Tiến sĩ Little đã cho ra đời cuốn sách “Bạn thật sự là ai?” (tựa gốc: Who are you, really?) để diễn giải sâu hơn về những quan điểm mà ông đã trình bày. Trong cuốn sách này, Little nhấn mạnh tầm quan trọng của tính cách trong việc định hình cuộc sống của mỗi người chúng ta, đồng thời giới thiệu về “bản tính thứ ba”, một khái niệm then chốt để trả lời cho câu hỏi muôn thuở: “Bạn là ai?”.

Theo Little, bản tính thứ ba, hay còn gọi là bản tính đặc trưng, hoàn toàn khác với bản tính sinh học và xã hội: nó không có sẵn hay được rèn giũa mà thành. Nó nằm trong công trình cá nhân của chúng ta - “tập hợp mở rộng của các hành động có ý nghĩa nổi bật đối với cá nhân người thực hiện trong một bối cảnh cụ thể”, tác giả lý giải. Chính những công trình cá nhân này sẽ tạo ra “bản tính thứ ba” của mỗi người. Từ đây, Little đi tới một nhận định đột phá khác, đó là con người không cần chỉ có một chân tính, tức là chúng ta không chỉ có một câu trả lời cho câu hỏi “Bạn là ai?”.

Về cơ bản, Little cho rằng có ba cách chúng ta có thể dùng để trả lời câu hỏi về chân tính “Bạn là ai?”, tương ứng với các nguồn gốc khác nhau của đặc điểm tính cách con người mà chúng ta đã biết, như nguồn gốc sinh học, nguồn gốc xã hội và bản tính đặc trưng. Cả ba cách đều được ông giới thiệu cặn kẽ trong cuốn sách này với văn phong dí dỏm, mạch lạc, dễ đọc và dễ hiểu.

“Bạn thật sự là ai?” không phải là một cuốn sách tâm lý học dày cộp với đầy những thuật ngữ chuyên ngành. Trái lại, độc giả có thể đọc hết cuốn sách này chỉ trong một dịp cuối tuần thư thả. Các ví dụ được nêu ra trong sách cũng vô cùng chân thực và gần gũi. Những nội dung mà Little trình bày đều mang tính gợi mở và truyền cảm hứng cho bạn đọc tìm hiểu sâu thêm về ngành tâm lý học tính cách, hoặc ít nhất là quan tâm hơn đến những yếu tố định hình tính cách của bản thân. Trên hết, Little sẽ giúp độc giả hiểu rằng, chất lượng cuộc sống của chúng ta phụ thuộc vào chất lượng các công trình cá nhân mà chúng ta chọn để thực hiện, và những công trình này sẽ mang lại tính đa chiều cho câu trả lời “Bạn thật sự là ai”.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Development, Audiobook, Philosophy, Business

168 pages, Paperback

First published August 15, 2017

About the author

Dr. Brian Little is an internationally acclaimed scholar and speaker in the field of personality and motivational psychology. His pioneering research on how everyday personal projects and ‘free traits’ influence the course of our lives has become an important way of explaining and enhancing human flourishing. Professor Little is currently at Cambridge University where he is a Fellow of the Well-Being Institute and Director of the Social Ecology Research Group in the Department of Psychology. He is also affiliated with the Cambridge Judge Business School and the Psychometrics Centre at Cambridge.

Previously, he taught at McGill, Oxford, and Harvard Universities. His course on personality in Harvard’s Department of Psychology was immensely popular, and he was elected as a ‘Favourite Professor’ by the graduating classes of Harvard for three consecutive years.

Dividing his time between Canada and the UK, Brian is also a Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus at Carleton University in Ottawa and he lectures world-wide on personality, motivation and well-being.

Reviews

[☘Misericordia☘ ⚡ϟ⚡⛈⚡☁ ❇️❤❣ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Q: The Bearable Lightness of Well-Doing ....
Embrace the unexpected. (c)

An extra short read with some precious implications.

Q:
I strongly suspect that extraverted readers will have attempted to lick their own elbows. They may have also successfully licked the elbow of the person sitting next to them. (c)
Q:
Is there anything positive about neuroticism? In some respects, neurotic individuals are highly sensitive people who, like the canaries in the mine, can detect things that less sensitive people simply don’t register—changes in the environment, disturbances in routines, and whiffs of danger from unexpected sources. This is not conducive to relaxed and easy living. But writers and artists and others who are astute observers of life are often found to have a neurotic disposition. In the evolutionary provenance of human personality, I suspect that stable extraverts were the first to discover prey, and we all benefited from eating what they caught. To survive, however, we also needed the neurotic introverts who were especially likely to discover predators. We should be equally grateful to them for decreasing our chances of being sniffed out, hunted down, and eaten. (c)
Q:
it occurred to me that the drive itself, the journey I was on, was more than just the elaboration of my personal constructs. Something was missing. I pulled off the highway, too distracted by the idea taking form to keep driving. What I realized there and then was that what I was pursuing at that moment was a personal project. I began to consider the implications of humans pursuing personal projects in their lives—everyday pursuits that are trivial or transformative, singular or communal, brief encounters or enduring commitments. The concept of personal projects allowed me to bring together both the inner maps that personal constructs provide and the outer ecology of possibilities, like the off-ramps, cul-de-sacs, and open highways that formed the route I was taking. (c)
Q:
Personal projects are not limited to formal projects that are required of us, such as getting Mom into a good nursing home, although sometimes we pursue them out of a sense of duty. They are also, crucially, acts we gladly choose. Toddlers are pursuing projects when they toddle, and so are lovers when they love. I am certain that our cat has a project when she stalks, pounces, and sits atop our other cat, purring.
Q:
Personal projects are extended sets of personally salient action in context. Let’s parse this definition. Personal: Personal projects are framed through the idiosyncratic lens of the project pursuer. We can’t simply watch you build a tree house, or train for a marathon, and surmise what the pursuit of your personal project says about you. In order to truly understand, we need to ask you the question crucial to revealing your idiogenic nature: What do you think you’re doing? In other words, what does this mean to you? The answer is often surprising. (c)
Q:
Somebody observing you right now might infer that you are reading a book. But you know better. You are barely registering the words in front of you because your personal project is actually “appearing to be independent and self-confident so no one will ask why I am alone on this cruise ship.” Your reading behavior is actually a decoy that helps you cope with your rapidly changing answer to the questions “Who are you?” (a recovering romantic) and “How are you doing?” (not bad considering the breakup). (c)
Q:
As you might expect, those high in conscientiousness rate their academic and work projects more positively, and see these projects as meaningful and efficacious: they get things done and feel good about getting things done. If you are conscientious, you have a trick that helps make you efficacious and positive—you can spin mundane tasks into enjoyable ones. For example, a numbingly boring task can be made more interesting by transforming it into a game where you pit yourself against an imagined opposition or even your previous self of yesterday. Even if you are not so conscientious, this strategy can help you get through a long to-do list. (c)
Q:
Consider having a job as a flight attendant or a debt collector. Each has an associated personal style that may or may not align with the biogenic personalities of those who work those jobs. A grumpy, taciturn, impatient flight attendant isn’t going to last, nor is a sweet, engaging, and forgiving bill collector. But a person who is not biogenically suited to a certain role may still desire to fill it. So to survive in their fields, they become site-specific free-trait adopters. At first this can be difficult, but during the course of developing their occupations, they practice again and again until it becomes more natural. Though seasoned travelers might be able to spot them, pseudo-hospitable flight attendants are generally able to pass. Their professional roles matter to them. (c)
Q:
Acting out of character—and against one’s first nature—can be psychologically and physiologically depleting. So how do we recharge after the stressful effects of free-trait behavior? By finding or creating the right environment, or what I call a restorative niche, to reconnect with our biogenic selves and prevent burnout, which is key to the success of any personal project. (c)
Q:
However, introverts preferred to go to lunch alone or with a maximum of one or two colleagues, while extraverts on average reported eating with four others. One extreme participant listed having eighty lunch partners! (c)
Q:
during breaks, I will retreat to my office, or the men’s room, or occasionally a broom closet, in order to give a lucid second half to my lecture. Once, I inadvertently locked myself in the closet. That restorative niche didn’t restore me for long. (c)
Q:
I imagine this “fake it till you make it” strategy can, at first blush, feel disingenuous to some. But I believe that changing your personality to match different situations isn’t inauthentic at all. Here’s why: Calls for total authenticity rest on the assumption that any outward behavior that’s out of sync with our inward feelings is dishonest. Free traits, from this perspective, are lies. But I urge you to question that very assumption. Restricting ourselves to being only oneself can forestall the possibility of being something more.
I suspect that some of you might generally agree with the notion that always being “you” is constraining and limits our capacity for growth. Others, however, will be very uncomfortable with this idea. So it is helpful here to consider another trait of personality that clarifies whether you are sympathetic to the notion of multiple authenticities. (c)
Q:
... imagine you’re a low self-monitor in a relationship with a high self-monitor. Your partner, from your perspective, is a bit of a stand-up chameleon. She appears to be different people in different situations—a corporate self, a party self, a playing-with-the-kids self, and you end up being confused. Who is this person to whom I’m so committed? Which of the many hers am I really in love with? And when your partner looks at you, there is also confusion but a very different kind. You are seen as constant and predictable, which certainly has its comforts. But that constancy can be seen as rather boring and, worse, unduly rigid. Why can’t you be flexible and accommodate to the situation? It’s a dinner party! Couldn’t you just submit to the fun of the situation and be a tiny bit playful for one evening instead of expatiating, repeatedly, on the fiscal benefits of a flat tax? (c)
Q:
When we see the complete social-ecological picture of who we are, it becomes clear that we can have multiple authenticities. And it’s natural for some of those authenticities to conflict. This does not mean we are adrift in a world of moral relativism but simply that there is more than one way of being a good person—and, crucially, of becoming a better person. It is by acknowledging all of our selves and adaptively weighing and rebalancing them that we can be truly authentic. Then we can best understand who we are and how best to engage our complex lives with integrity. (с)

I need to bold this, it's so good!
Q:
Amid all this conscious shaping of our future prospects, there also needs to be room for serendipity in our lives. We must be alive to new encounters, open to being gobsmacked by something that brings unexpected delight. Such lightness, I believe, is essential to ensuring the sustainable pursuit of our deepest concerns—and to developing new ones. It is what allows our humanity to shine through.

It is entirely possible to pursue our projects conscientiously while being receptive to chance. So hone your skills as the athlete you always dreamed of becoming, but be ready to change course if you begin to demonstrate a strong passion for science. Keep writing your book of poetry, but seize the opportunity when an editor asks you to write an article on classical music. Plan your long-awaited trip to Vegas, but make the most of a night in Chicago when your flight is delayed. It is ultimately the marriage of these two approaches that makes life deeply fulfilling.

Go forth and pursue your projects. Make them meaningful and manageable, and connected to others. Let them harmonize with your essential nature wherever they can, and provide yourself a chance to recuperate when they demand that you act out of character for a while. Where society and culture support your efforts, embrace that boost; where they interfere, consider pressing society and culture to change. But while you’re at it, now and again remember to release the sense of pursuit. Relax into the spontaneity of the moment, whatever it is. This lightness, this easing back, is essential if we are to carry on at all. Whimsy and humor can sustain us through the demanding pursuits of core projects, so encourage them. Loosen up. Maybe you could start by trying to lick your elbow. Or, even better, getting someone else to lick it. (c)

[Leanetta Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is good but is a little to psychology-ish for my taste. The author has spent a lot of time in his field studying up and mastering his profession, but in this book it is too scientific. I thought it was going to be a sort of self help guide to help me learn about myself. But it started off talking about biology and all that and lost me right there. I learned chromosomes and ribosomes in biology 101 I don't need another course so someone who hasn't taken those courses will be even less so interested. I think this book was written perfectly for a student of psych but for your everyday person it is a bit much.

Now don't get me wrong besides the science-y stuff I did get a few takeaways from it. Like for instance the "Big Five (5)" and how they shape whether I'm a go getter or not and the self test in the appendix. Those things made it worth it to keep going even though I was bored and fell asleep whilst reading several times.

Overall if you like scientifically researched books exploring the realm of who you are and what shapes you as person then by all means this book is definitely the way to go, if not then keep looking this isn't going to be your cup o'tea.

[Christopher Lawson · Rating 4 out of 5]

In WHO ARE YOU, REALLY? Professor Brian Little presents some surprising research findings on personality. This is a fun book, and an easy read. The author writes well, and his ideas are presented clearly and concisely.

Most people think of personality as one’s attributes--such as how extroverted we are, or how detailed we are. But an overlooked aspect of personality is not just our attributes—it’s what we are DOING. This activity is identified by our “personal projects.”

The exciting part is that we can modify our projects to better mesh with our personal attributes. So, an introvert would feel a sense of accomplishment—and likely succeed, on a poetry project. (And not so much a run for political office.) By shifting to a “doing” perspective on personality, we give ourselves lots of options to improve our sense of well-being and accomplishment. We can consciously choose and adapt our projects.

We can use a general principle to select our projects:

“Projects that are “meaningful, manageable, and connected with others, and that generate more positive than negative feelings, their well-being will be enhanced.”

For example, projects that are internally motivated, rather than being done under pressure from someone else, will give us greater happiness. Ask yourself WHY you are doing a “self-help” project: “Who instigated it? If they spring from your own vision of a possible self, you are likely to feel better while pursuing them.”

Projects that are manageable, rather than chaotic also leads to greater sense of well-being. The author calls this project “efficacy.” He explains that efficacy is one of the top predictors of well-being:

“Efficacy best predicts whether a person feels that their life overall is going well.”

Although we should try to arrange projects to match our personality attributes, Dr. Little also recommends leaving a little room for chance:

“Hone your skills as the athlete you always dreamed of becoming, but be ready to change course if you begin to demonstrate a strong passion for science.”

Similarly, if you dream of writing poetry, leave the door open to writing about music.

All in all, I found WHO ARE YOU, REALLY? to be a fun, intriguing read, with some meaty ideas. I especially like the idea of being proactive in choosing projects that give me greater satisfaction. Don’t miss the Appendix, which has an interesting personality evaluation.

Advance Review Copy courtesy of the publisher.

[K.A. Ashcomb]

Brian Little goes over here the basic concepts of the big five personality trades and how they influence our lives. He also insists it is our activities that define us, making our personality more flexible than it is often thought. So all this makes it important how we spend our time and what we choose. That is the book in a nutshell. Suppose you are interested in reading about the big five personality trades, in that case, I recommend reading Brian Little's Me, Myself, and Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being. It is a more thorough look at the research done about personality and how things like introversion impact us. However, this quick summary might work for you if you are short of time. Again, be mindful that the book only scratches the surface and oversimplifies the matter.

All that said, I still enjoyed the anecdotal book. It refreshed my memory of the big five and why it is essential to be aware of why our choices matter. They do matter. They define our character, what we value and why, and who we want to be. But, of course, we meander at times with our pursuits. None of us are machines that have a clearly defined path to some ultimate success; however, one might define that success. Then there are the circumstances we are thrown into and all the emotions we have to deal with, but still, it is helpful to consider every now and then that if this is the way I want to use all my time, is this who I want to be, and is this worthy of my pursuit. Then again, we all have to eat and preferably have a roof over our heads. It limits our choices somewhat, especially if we are not lucky enough to bend circumstances to our favor. Reality is a tough little nut to crack. So is the future.

I have been rambling about enough. I might as well end this review and say that if you hadn't read about the big five personality trades before or heard Brian Little speak, this is an excellent place to start.

Have a great day, and if you know a worthy pursuit, let everyone know! Thank you for reading <3

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun little book that asks the fundamental questions about identity and tosses a few curves when attempting to help you answer. In addition to nature (biochemical sources of self) and nurture (sociogenic sources of self), Dr. Little also discusses personal construct (ideogenic sources of self) and how these three ways of understanding the self work together to select, pursue, and interpret the success or failure of personal projects. As a continuation of Dr. Little's TED talk, this book is really an invitation to look at your answers to the questions "Who am I?" and, perhaps more importantly, "How am I doing?," through a new lens-- one that helps you to understand WHY you answered the way you did, and what you can do if you don't like those answers.

[m d · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and sweet introduction on the subject of personality and what makes us who we are. Nature - nurture dilemma with a twist.

[Bischr · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب مفيد قرأته بعد محاضرة من TED talks للكاتب نفسه بنفس العنوان.
بالنسبة للكاتب فشخصية كل منا يمكن فهمها بشكل كبير من خلال معرفة ما هي مشاريعنا في الحياة، ومشاريعنا هي خططنا/أهدافنا على المدى القريب والبعيد والطرق التي نسعى فيها لتحقيقها. هذه المشاريع تتأثر بشخصية الإنسان وطباعه ولكنها تؤثر بحد ذاتها في شخصية الإنسان أيضا.. لذلك يحاول الكاتب أن يجعلنا نفهم كيف نصيغ أهداف حياتنا بطريقة أنسب للتحقيق وأسلس وبطريقة تجعلها تؤثر إيجابيا في حياتنا، لأن معرفة المشاريع التي تناسبك وتحقق قيمك ووضع خطط لها والوصول إليها تدريجيا يجعلك تعيش بصحة نفسية أفضل.
ميزة الكتاب أن مؤلفه مختص في موضوعه ويستند في كل ما يطرحه إلى البحث العلمي لذا أنصح بقراءته.

[Sanexiah · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was interesting but definitely not worth a full book. Too many repetitions, the concept is easily understood in a few pages and the rest is boring. I wish the author would have referred to more studies supporting/investigating his topic though.

[Rasha · Rating 3 out of 5]

لطيف وسلس ومفيد ومحبب

[Mahmoud Ayman · Rating 3 out of 5]

The biogenic, sociogenic and idiogenic selves and their role in defining our personalities.

“it’s not who you are that explains what you do, it’s the other way around.”

“Embrace the unexpected… It is entirely possible to pursue our projects conscientiously while being receptive to chance.”

Second audiobook ✌🏻

[rireso (out of date profile) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh...

[Ed · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty concise look at whether or not your personality is fixed. Turns out, it’s not.

[Brittany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting concepts. Not the easy breezy read I was hoping for though.

[Mahdi · Rating 5 out of 5]

ارزیابی و تحلیل شخصیت، بخصوص تحلیل شخصیت خودم، همیشه برای من جذاب بوده و دوست داشتم مهارتم رو در این موضوع افزایش بدم.
هدیه این کتاب به من، باز کردن چشمم به یک زاویه جدید برای تحلیل شخصیت بود، نویسنده مفهوم جدیدی به نام پروژه شخصی رو با دقت عالی تعریف میکنه و حول محور این مفهوم یک پنجره جدید برای نگاه به "شخصیت" باز میکنه.
از نظر نگارشی کتاب پیوستگی فوق‌العاده‌ای داره، که از ابتدا بعد از طرح مسئله شما رو روی محور اساسی و سوالاتی که مطرح میکنه پیش میبره.

[Yousef · Rating 2 out of 5]

کتاب خوبی بود
٢ تا ایراد داشت به نظر من
١- بحثی که تو نهایتا ١٠ صفحه میشد ببینم کرد رو بیش از ١٠٠ صفحه طول داد
٢- یه جاهایی نویسنده خودش قاطی می‌کنه و انگار خودش هنوز با موضوعات کنار نیومده و گاهی تداخل معنایی به وجود میاد

برای یکبار خوندن خالی از لطف نیست

[Ana Isabel Lage Ferreira · Rating 3 out of 5]

Knowledge condensed. Like Reader's Digest.

This TED Book is quite the equivalent of a TED Talk. A little more extended, a little more detailed, a little more serious.
Years and years of research on Personality and Human Behavior handed to the lay public as canapés. Delicious ones of course and yet, still appetizers. We're never full and we're never satisfied.

If you want to have a glimpse (and a condensed one) of some of the rules and processes underlying the human personality and you are totally new to the field, then this should work wonders.
You've got the "Big Five" explained (you even have the short version of the test), and you have Little's personal contribution with the idea of "personal projects".

In a western white educated male, this idea (of personal projects) fits like a glove - "you have opportunities all around you! Go and use them. Your personalty will develop and you will expand!"

In Little's own words:
"Go forth and pursue your projects. Make them meaningful and manageable, and connect with others. Let them harmonize with your essential nature wherever they can, and provide yourself a chance to recuperate when they demand that you act out of character for a while"

But as canapés this is not "real food". It's mere samples.

So imagine you are attending an event. You're distracted mingling with all those people. Preoccupied with your appearance, with your words, with the way others are reacting to your persona. And food (canapés) goes by. You might reach for one or two. And soon you realize that you can't handle it all. The glass, the food, the smile, the posture. Something has got to go...
My bet? It's the canapés.

In a world not western, nor white, nor educated, nor male this is how it may feel to consider "personal projects". Sometimes it's already so hard to accomplish the "survival projects" that, when in doubt or struggle, something has got to go...

But hey! this could be the horizon. We could aim for this. For all.
And if that's the case then I say:
-Let's all join the party, shall we? And bring more canapés because we are so many!

[Alejandro Vilches · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lovely short read. I really appreciated the insight that we shouldn't feel boxed or limited by a set of natural (biogenic) traits or a particular situation or context governing us, and that what really defines us are our core personal projects. I also appreciated that it helps you perform a more introspective and conscientious exercise of evaluating who you are, what defines you and what you need to flourish or be happy. I felt a certain level of comfort to find the overall goal of the book was not to simply present research findings, but rather to make them useful and helpful to the reader, as the author's genuine interest in sharing a helpful and positive message comes across very well.

As a minor critique, I felt the book could've explored the topic in more depth, as I felt it opted to work around many directly related topics or issues (perhaps for the sake of simplicity). So I feel many of the core points and messages could've carried deeper meaning and caused a greater impact.

[Oge · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you loved Brian Little’s TED talk (and maybe ended up watching it more than once, as I did), your next step should be reading this book. It builds a bridge between the talk and Dr Little’s decades of rigorous research in the field of personality and motivational psychology, a transition between the performance of a beloved teacher and charismatic speaker and the writings of a world-class (Cambridge, Harvard, Oxford, McGill) researcher.

This book is packed with information on the latest research in topics related to the psychology of happiness in a way that is accessible to non-experts, carefully edited to keep it short and offer many pointers for further reading, for those who want to delve more deeply into this fascinating field of studies.

5 out of 5

[_Nyx_ · Rating 4 out of 5]

“A good deal is said these days about being oneself. . . . This strikes me as a very dull way of living; in fact, I would be inclined to argue that all of us would be better off if we set out to be something other than what we are. Well, I’m not so sure we would all be better off—perhaps it would be more accurate to say life would be a lot more interesting.”

[John Martindale · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this little book added something valuable to the personality discussion. He suggested that while the Big Five traits (likely partly genetic) do play a role, it is also a fact that our choices and passion projects shape our personality in major ways.
It is foolhardy to think we have one specific personality type, and that we should try and remain true to it (which makes personality limiting). Rather, we can take a more expansive approach, taking on new roles and projects, creating, developing, and discovering new aspects of self.
Next, I like the idea of "multiple authenticities". Yes, there are certain things that feel natural or contrary to us (I for one do not like parties), and yet are social animals too, it also seems right to do things for the sake of harmony with the group norms, that we'd otherwise not do, and finally, we have values, to where in love of another, we may freely choose to deny ourselves. We can be authentic in each. it is also the case, that while I do not like parties if I love someone else who does, I can not only go to them but "fake it until I make it" and expand my personality, becoming a selective/contextual extrovert.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this little book for two main reasons:

1. It is short and to the point: it doesn't waste time but it...

2. Doesn't lack for content. It makes an excellent argument for a holistic understanding of personality, orbiting around a central idea of Project Based Personality (you are what you do). But it also kind of settled the "Are you an extrovert or introvert" bullshit for me. The argument being that anyone can act in either way but if they are naturally or "biogenically" (I think was the word) one way then they will need to recharge in that manner after behaving the opposite way.

For example, if you are introverted and your job requires you to be extroverted, you will need a sufficient amount of time to recharge in an introverted way to reduce stress. If you are extroverted, you can still spend hours reading books, but you might need to go and party it out a bit to feel recharged.

Anyway, it's a great book and a short read.

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a quick, valuable audio book that lended to an awesome book club discussion.

These are some notes: We all act out of character at times and that can be a really good thing. Between our biogenic disposition and sociogenic influences, just being yourself takes so little effort and can lead to a life of flounder. Who Are You, Really? examines how you can use personal projects to help reshape your personality to reflect your true values and be the optimal version of you. The author professes that the pursuit of our core projects is the key to human flourishing. He says that most illuminating is not well being, but well doing. We have influence over who we are and the success in our lives. He also discusses how important support is to the success of our projects. Raise to the occasion but also be sure to give yourself space to recharge. Thrive through personal projects don’t but don’t be excessively regimented; embrace change and the unexpected in life to find joy.

[Phuongvu · Rating 4 out of 5]

✨ Thật thú vị khi đọc một quyển sách đi mượn và bất chợt nhận ra… mình hướng nội nhiều hơn mình từng nghĩ.

Trước đây, tôi luôn tin rằng mình 100% hướng ngoại. Nếu có chút “hướng nội” nào thì chắc cũng chỉ là… hướng Nội Bài thôi 😂.
Nhưng hóa ra, ngạc nhiên thật sự…

Không phải cách mình cư xử ở chỗ đông người, mà chính là cách mình sử dụng thời gian rảnh.
Và rồi tôi phát hiện ra: mình thích ở một mình vô cùng tận. Tôi thích đọc sách một mình, tôi thích chạy bộ và trail vì cuối cùng trên đường chạy tôi cũng một mình hoặc đơn giản là ngồi một mình thật yên. Thậm chí trước đây tôi còn ra rạp xem phim một mình😁 Tôi cũng có kiểu tự chữa lành một mình mà ko cần đám đông.

Các bạn của tôi ơi, cho tôi xin nhận xét nào:
👉 Tôi là người hướng nội hay hướng ngoại đây? 😄

[Natille · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book free for an unbiased review through NetGalley and author.
Overall I enjoyed the viewpoint on how our projects reveal certain aspects to our personality. I found it interesting, but I really wanted more evidence to that particular idea and not the foundations and evolution to the process of the original viewpoints. I wanted to read this in hopes of being able to steer my child in the right direction for higher achievements but I felt this was more theorized than having an actual fountain to make long lasting choices to better ourselves. But I could see a lot of the information holding weight to certain individuals, just not me. It was an enjoyable read though.

[Giulia Zzz · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lovely short overview on some of research on personality, the various factors (biogenetic, social, ect) that shape who we are. Brian Little does a good job at explaining some of the research for a wider audience, and I think it will be of interest to both psychologist and the general public. I particularly liked the challenge to social norms of thinking, such as questioning the idea that we have one true self (spoiler, it’s much more complicated than that, and perhaps even hurtful to think of ourselves in that way).

[Nikita Sivakumar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, I finished this book in 1 hour & felt I learnt primarily what I already knew about myself, though neatly put with the Colby test. One fascinating, although obvious seeming thing I learnt was how restoration niche is a concept - you always go back to your “bio” characteristic when wanting to restore.
Otherwise, I saw he mentioned something about all women in the study wanting their personal project to be cooperative / with others as opposed to men but I, being woman, disagreed and I felt that sentence wasn’t well researched & stemmed from biases.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love research and analysis about the make up of the human mind. Brian R. Little shares the belief of other analysts that we humans are a summation of our DNA, our experiences/education, and the culture we live in. He expands on our experiences to include the "toys" we use. That reminds me of what smart phones have done with the fingertip availability to stay connected as well as fact check so easily. Now if we can ever figure out truth, we will see who we are, really???

[Mrs C · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love personality psychology books and this one is very inspiring. Heavy information, not just fluff. There’s an assessment in the appendix as expected, but the results it gave me was unexpected (I liked it). The author proposes that as there are predetermined traits that we are unable to change, not all is lost because there’s two other factors that can shape a human. Plenty of examples are provided and the ideas presented here is quite uplifting. Are you flourishing or floundering?

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great short listen published by Ted Books. It goes into various nature versus nurture aspects of personality and provides a lot of food for thought on what we VALUE in our lives.

The author Brian Little /Brian R. Little did a great job narrating the audio. It was a quick listen that I finished in 2 listens.

I liked this final thought:
"If you remember none of the specific tips I’ve discussed, retain this: By examining your core projects and how they can be sustained, you will increase your power to change the trajectory of your life."

I definitely want to check out more books in the TED Books library.

Thanks to San Diego County Library for the digital audio version via Libby app.

[Audio: 2 hours, minutes]

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great and delightful introduction to personality psychology for laypeople. If you ever enjoyed a Tedtalk by Brian Little, this short book is for you. Spiked with funny anecdotes and good questions I would say this is a true self-help book, since it encourages you to reflect and describes realistic boundaries of wanting to lead a happy life. It's also doesn't promote toxic positivity, but refraiming in a healthy way to sustainably do, what matters most to you.