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I Laugh Me Broken
Ginny has always had questions about her mother, who took her own life with no explanation when Ginny was young. Now, in her thirties, she learns the devastating truth: her mother may have been developing Huntington’s disease, and chose to end her life rather than wait to find out.
Ginny could take the test that will reveal if she shares her mother’s fate. Instead she drops everything and bolts to Berlin, leaving her loving fiancé in the dark. Navigating the transient, hedonistic German city, she meets its inhabitants and absorbs their tangle of stories as she tries to gather the strength to face her future.
Asking what we owe to the people we love, and what it means to live a truly free life, I Laugh Me Broken is a sharp, beautifully drawn novel about self-discovery and self-determination.
Cover: Gabriel von Max (1840–1915), Tannhäuser, c.1878.
Ginny could take the test that will reveal if she shares her mother’s fate. Instead she drops everything and bolts to Berlin, leaving her loving fiancé in the dark. Navigating the transient, hedonistic German city, she meets its inhabitants and absorbs their tangle of stories as she tries to gather the strength to face her future.
Asking what we owe to the people we love, and what it means to live a truly free life, I Laugh Me Broken is a sharp, beautifully drawn novel about self-discovery and self-determination.
Cover: Gabriel von Max (1840–1915), Tannhäuser, c.1878.
264 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2021
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
April 9, 2024
cognitive decline but make it berlin!
April 7, 2023
★ ★ ★ ★ 4/5
wow!!!!! this book was something else.
i studied Huntington’s in-depth during my masters and reading about it in this format was gut wrenching. there’s one thing to know the science behind it .. and i’m sitting with a wall between me and the disease but reading about it devastating family lines .. i don’t have words. Ginny faces so much in just under 300 pages.
the writing style was brilliant. the way Bridget van der Zijpp describes Huntingtons in lay terms and somehow weaves in poetry and metaphors into the backbone of it was unbelievable.
and to convey perfectly what it is like to be human … messy messy painful messy!
Jay (fiancé) and Ginny’s relationship is very flawed, and wholesome. i really felt the love they have for each other, and how vital this love is in the face of uncertainty. while wavering in intensity (as all love does) it never deviates, it’s always there for them. it was so painful watching Ginny run from this, but i know why she had to.
“If I told him, I wouldn’t be able to escape his concerned gaze. Did I really want to do this to him?... To be trapped in the sticky mud of his watchfulness... To turn love into solicitude?... I believed I was really thinking about self-sacrifice. Wasn’t the most noble act, the greater love, not to tell him, not to force his obligation?”
i felt throughout the story that i stood with Ginny holding her hand as the fear of knowing and not knowing raged within her, as her anger, confusion and all the other genetic storms coursing through her pushed her to make some interesting choices.
i really related to Ginny, especially her relationship with herself .. when she described how in reality, when she left NZ she was really leaving herself behind 🥲 all to put space between her and an inescapable past. her going to Berlin, while a desperate attempt to run, she finds herself in the midst of other broken and flawed people, getting tangled up in their narrative. i loved how these relationships were hashed out- messy, confusing and all with an end goal to be heard, listened to and understood. i loved the happenstances of bumping into people when she needed those interactions the most 🥲
i’m not sure how anyone gathers the courage to face their future.. so i understand the ending but i wanted more. i didn’t want answers as such. i wanted relief for Ginny, i wanted her to be free.. and we can argue that the ending is exactly that, she is facing towards freedom and running into its arms.
i get it was suppose to be shedding light on Ginny’s new outlook to her future, but it didn’t work for me and the story .. so 4 stars!
definitely recommend this book!
January 16, 2022
Gosh I’ve just been reading some really good novels and essays by nz women lately!
March 15, 2025
strikes a wonderful balance between elevating the mundane into something meaningful through the membrane of the personal internal , whilst also forming the complexities of connection and communication (and what it means to know yourself and be truly known) in the arena of discovering a familial & hereditary genetic disorder. There is a movement through so many different focuses - science, language, linguistics - that each all lead back to a beautiful musing on how we connect with others and ourselves. Moments of starkness contrasted with poised lyricism
April 24, 2023
Novel of escapism set in BERLIN
4.5*
This is a beautifully written novel that truly takes the reader to Berlin, the city of eccentricity and hedonism, where life can be led at full tilt.
Ginny has left her boyfriend behind in New Zealand and heads for the city, knowing her cousin Mel is living there. Ginny is ostensibly going to write a book. Ginny’s aunt collared her, informing her that her mother – as is well known – committed suicide but that a devastating fault in her genetic heritage perhaps lay behind her action. Given Ginny has had little contact with her family, she has not been informed of the potentially devastating news, that she could be carrying a faulty gene, and given she is now in her mid thirties, it is something with which she has to wrestle. This new information precipitates her temporary move to Berlin. It is quite a shocking thought that a family could withhold information like that. Ginny could take a test to determine whether she has the faulty gene, but there is no known cure for the condition, should she develop the disease, which is named in the narrative.
Berlin is an interesting destination for Ginny. It is certainly a city where one can lose oneself, where one can meet a range of people and experiment with different styles of living. It is also, of course, a city with tremendous history and it is sobering for Ginny to clock that before WW2 people, who had the disease (and many other physical and emotional frailties), would have potentially faced euthanasia under the regime at the time. It is certainly a thought-provoking angle in the novel.
Here she is, then, in the Mitte area of Berlin, sharing an apartment with Frankie, who proves to be her anchor. Mel, her cousin, is busy enjoying the high life. There are great vignettes of the city, whether travelling by U-Bahn or heading out to Krumme Lanke (who normally goes there?) to take a dip in one of the many lakes that surround the city. The author observes the people, she adds smatterings of German, she has her characters pop in to the local Späti (the late-opening corner shop, ubiquitous across the city) and she illustrates some of the weird practices with which the city can be associated. There are plenty of trips around the well-known sights of the city, too.
I took the book with me to read whilst I was in Berlin and it really was delightful to have brought a book with me that evoked the city so well and echoed (some) of the experiences I myself was having.
I enjoyed this novel although at times it was in danger, on the one hand, of feeling like snapshots of the city, observations and experiences gathered by the author and brought together to take centre stage – it could at times lack a little cohesion. The narrative had a tendency to dot about and bring in new characters and hop off to explore new aspects. On the other, however, it underlined the fractured experience that underpinned Ginny’s emotional state as she tried to make up her mind about how to go forward. The writing is terrific and ultimately this will be a novel that will stay with me. Recommended, especially if you love the city.
On the book cover the Sunday Star Times is quoted as saying: ‘van der Zijpp is a master of theme’. I am unclear what that means.
4.5*
This is a beautifully written novel that truly takes the reader to Berlin, the city of eccentricity and hedonism, where life can be led at full tilt.
Ginny has left her boyfriend behind in New Zealand and heads for the city, knowing her cousin Mel is living there. Ginny is ostensibly going to write a book. Ginny’s aunt collared her, informing her that her mother – as is well known – committed suicide but that a devastating fault in her genetic heritage perhaps lay behind her action. Given Ginny has had little contact with her family, she has not been informed of the potentially devastating news, that she could be carrying a faulty gene, and given she is now in her mid thirties, it is something with which she has to wrestle. This new information precipitates her temporary move to Berlin. It is quite a shocking thought that a family could withhold information like that. Ginny could take a test to determine whether she has the faulty gene, but there is no known cure for the condition, should she develop the disease, which is named in the narrative.
Berlin is an interesting destination for Ginny. It is certainly a city where one can lose oneself, where one can meet a range of people and experiment with different styles of living. It is also, of course, a city with tremendous history and it is sobering for Ginny to clock that before WW2 people, who had the disease (and many other physical and emotional frailties), would have potentially faced euthanasia under the regime at the time. It is certainly a thought-provoking angle in the novel.
Here she is, then, in the Mitte area of Berlin, sharing an apartment with Frankie, who proves to be her anchor. Mel, her cousin, is busy enjoying the high life. There are great vignettes of the city, whether travelling by U-Bahn or heading out to Krumme Lanke (who normally goes there?) to take a dip in one of the many lakes that surround the city. The author observes the people, she adds smatterings of German, she has her characters pop in to the local Späti (the late-opening corner shop, ubiquitous across the city) and she illustrates some of the weird practices with which the city can be associated. There are plenty of trips around the well-known sights of the city, too.
I took the book with me to read whilst I was in Berlin and it really was delightful to have brought a book with me that evoked the city so well and echoed (some) of the experiences I myself was having.
I enjoyed this novel although at times it was in danger, on the one hand, of feeling like snapshots of the city, observations and experiences gathered by the author and brought together to take centre stage – it could at times lack a little cohesion. The narrative had a tendency to dot about and bring in new characters and hop off to explore new aspects. On the other, however, it underlined the fractured experience that underpinned Ginny’s emotional state as she tried to make up her mind about how to go forward. The writing is terrific and ultimately this will be a novel that will stay with me. Recommended, especially if you love the city.
On the book cover the Sunday Star Times is quoted as saying: ‘van der Zijpp is a master of theme’. I am unclear what that means.
May 6, 2023
Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️💫
💬 “‘I didn't really leave you. I left me.’”
💬 “Wasn’t the most noble act, the greater love, not to tell him, not to force his obligation?"
💭 I Laugh Me Broken is a thought-provoking, vulnerable story, exploring choice versus genetic destiny, which I enjoyed reading.
The novel follows Ginny, a young author from New Zealand, after she is contacted by relatives from her mother’s side who she’s never met. Unexpectedly, they reveal that their family has a genetic condition, Huntington’s Disease, which Ginny has a 50% chance of also carrying. This news calls into question not only everything Ginny knows about her mother’s death - did she take her own life to limit her future pain? - but everything she had thought about her own future. Leaving her finance and heading to Berlin alone to research her new book, Ginny’s left to come to terms with the news and find her own way in the world.
I really enjoyed how natural this book felt - both the characters and the dialogue felt realistic; everyone had their own problems, their own flaws. The novel also introduced and explored some really big questions - is it better to know about one’s inescapable fate, or to live in the unknown, in constant fear of the future? These topics were incredibly thought-provoking and I liked hearing the different characters’ views on this, both abstractly, or more literally in relation to Ginny’s scenario.
For me, interweaving aspects of German history throughout the novel worked well in some places and less in others. I thought the discussion around “useless eaters” was shocking, yet fascinating to read and really linked to Ginny’s internal battle. However, the parts around the Count that Ginny was researching for her book didn’t quite work for me - I just didn’t gel with these sections.
I Laugh Me Broken was however a great read. It's fairly short, but very thought-provoking - I find myself still thinking about the questions posed now, several days later. I enjoyed the writing style and will definitely be keen to read whatever van der Zijpp writes next.
💬 “‘I didn't really leave you. I left me.’”
💬 “Wasn’t the most noble act, the greater love, not to tell him, not to force his obligation?"
💭 I Laugh Me Broken is a thought-provoking, vulnerable story, exploring choice versus genetic destiny, which I enjoyed reading.
The novel follows Ginny, a young author from New Zealand, after she is contacted by relatives from her mother’s side who she’s never met. Unexpectedly, they reveal that their family has a genetic condition, Huntington’s Disease, which Ginny has a 50% chance of also carrying. This news calls into question not only everything Ginny knows about her mother’s death - did she take her own life to limit her future pain? - but everything she had thought about her own future. Leaving her finance and heading to Berlin alone to research her new book, Ginny’s left to come to terms with the news and find her own way in the world.
I really enjoyed how natural this book felt - both the characters and the dialogue felt realistic; everyone had their own problems, their own flaws. The novel also introduced and explored some really big questions - is it better to know about one’s inescapable fate, or to live in the unknown, in constant fear of the future? These topics were incredibly thought-provoking and I liked hearing the different characters’ views on this, both abstractly, or more literally in relation to Ginny’s scenario.
For me, interweaving aspects of German history throughout the novel worked well in some places and less in others. I thought the discussion around “useless eaters” was shocking, yet fascinating to read and really linked to Ginny’s internal battle. However, the parts around the Count that Ginny was researching for her book didn’t quite work for me - I just didn’t gel with these sections.
I Laugh Me Broken was however a great read. It's fairly short, but very thought-provoking - I find myself still thinking about the questions posed now, several days later. I enjoyed the writing style and will definitely be keen to read whatever van der Zijpp writes next.
February 19, 2024
This is hands down one of my favourite books of 2024 so far!
Taking a deep dive into Ginny's life had me connected to this character from page one, despite living vastly different lives I felt like she was so relatable . This author didn't pull her punches and you get a raw and unfiltered version of Ginny and what's going on around her. As well as Ginny there are a lot of other charters I found interesting for example her fiancé Jay.
You're on a whirlwind when reading this book, there is never a dull moments, with secrets and travelling coming into play I felt like I was thrown into the deep end and was trying to figure out what was going to happen next, almost i'm sure how Ginny felt when all this information was thrown at her in the book. I love the dive we got into Huntingtons disease which you don't see talked about often, it definitely kept me hooked in, learning about it alongside the fmc and the little tid bits of info we got about the disease while reading.
Taking a deep dive into Ginny's life had me connected to this character from page one, despite living vastly different lives I felt like she was so relatable . This author didn't pull her punches and you get a raw and unfiltered version of Ginny and what's going on around her. As well as Ginny there are a lot of other charters I found interesting for example her fiancé Jay.
You're on a whirlwind when reading this book, there is never a dull moments, with secrets and travelling coming into play I felt like I was thrown into the deep end and was trying to figure out what was going to happen next, almost i'm sure how Ginny felt when all this information was thrown at her in the book. I love the dive we got into Huntingtons disease which you don't see talked about often, it definitely kept me hooked in, learning about it alongside the fmc and the little tid bits of info we got about the disease while reading.
May 15, 2022
This was a thought provoking read with relevance to Huntington’s disease and the decision over whether to get tested or not. I hope Ginny and Jay made it back before NZ closed its borders!
July 14, 2025
Woman in health crisis lives in a different city boringly, nothing interesting happens, barely talks about her crisis, books ends (arc copy from lfl)
March 19, 2022
The writing style was beautiful. There were many sentences and paragraphs that I mentally highlighted and reread with awe.
I was entertained throughout. I enjoyed the detailed inner conversations. The analyzation of her relationships and surroundings.
I felt disappointed by the ending. I felt cut off abruptly and without much conclusion.
I was entertained throughout. I enjoyed the detailed inner conversations. The analyzation of her relationships and surroundings.
I felt disappointed by the ending. I felt cut off abruptly and without much conclusion.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews